Garee
King Koopa
I miss the old days
Posts: 11,338
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Post by Garee on Mar 8, 2007 0:51:46 GMT -5
Oh my
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Franchise
Hank Scorpio
No you didn't.
Ronnie Garvin, you idiot! I like steak, not soup, Ronnie Garvin!
Posts: 6,879
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Post by Franchise on Mar 8, 2007 1:03:48 GMT -5
OK married means OFF LIMITS. It really angers me that people just don't seem to care whether someone is married or not. You don't mess around with someone who is married, even if they initiate it. Have a backbone, even if they say they're having a rough time or they're getting divorced or he doesn't understand me like you do. Until you know for a fact they are divorced you put it back in your pants and wait, or move on. And if you share your feelings for her you will ruin a friendship or a marriage. I agree, but I don't think that's the issue. It's obvious that this woman SHOULD BE off-limits. But should he REALLY just keep his feelings inside? The worst that can happen is he and this woman have a falling out. It shouldn't affect the relationship of the couple, that is if it's strong enough and meant to be. I had a situation sort of similar to this, and I now know that not telling her would have been a BIG mistake. Mind you, this woman wasn't married, or even dating anyone, but still. EDIT: After reading all this, I REALLY hope I don't get heat. lol |
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Post by Stu on Mar 8, 2007 1:28:18 GMT -5
Okay, here are a few things we need to know in order to establish a solution.
First off, the general rule of thumb is you never mess with a married man's wife.
Second, explain to us your current relationship with this woman. If you're really close to her, make sure your infatuation with her isn't just the love you have for a best friend. It's not difficult to get that mixed up with being in love with her, especially if you find her attractive to begin with.
Third, what's both of your relationships with the guy? You may not be friends with him, but if he's a good enough guy she loves, you don't want to do anything that would make her do something to jeapordize her marriage.
Even if the guy is a jerk, it's wrong to get involved with her.
Okay, bottom line, do not make a move!!!
As for just telling her how you feel, I can't help you. I've got my own problems in that area that came to bite me in the ass on Sunday.
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@TenaciousBe
Hank Scorpio
Guess who's back... back again
Posts: 5,659
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Post by @TenaciousBe on Mar 8, 2007 2:07:41 GMT -5
#1, Disco Stu is right. Be careful for that confusion between "in love" romantically and "in love" as a friend. It can be a very confusing line.
#2, she's married. OFF-LIMITS under any and all circumstances. Even if the guy is a douche... well, if he is and she already wants out, there's nothing wrong with helping her through that process. But save the "feelings" for later when she's free.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,952
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Mar 8, 2007 2:46:38 GMT -5
Let your conscience be your guide.
Married women are only off limits if you're friends with the guy. That goes for his wife, ex wife, girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, sister or half-sister, they're always off-limits if you know the guy,unless he gives you permission.
If you're not friends with the guy, your conscience is your guide.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Mar 8, 2007 2:58:04 GMT -5
Don't. There's three billion women on the planet. Odds are in your favor you can find another chick to love that ain't attached.
Yes, yes he should, cuz nuttin' good can come from 'confessing his feelings'.
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EvilMasterBetty, Esq.
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Bird...Birdie...birdie......Tiger...Tiger Tiger.....
R2C2 Reporting for duty
Posts: 17,355
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Post by EvilMasterBetty, Esq. on Mar 8, 2007 3:07:53 GMT -5
Okay, here are a few things we need to know in order to establish a solution. First off, the general rule of thumb is you never mess with a married man's wife. Second, explain to us your current relationship with this woman. If you're really close to her, make sure your infatuation with her isn't just the love you have for a best friend. It's not difficult to get that mixed up with being in love with her, especially if you find her attractive to begin with. Third, what's both of your relationships with the guy? You may not be friends with him, but if he's a good enough guy she loves, you don't want to do anything that would make her do something to jeapordize her marriage. Even if the guy is a jerk, it's wrong to get involved with her. Okay, bottom line, do not make a move!!! As for just telling her how you feel, I can't help you. I've got my own problems in that area that came to bite me in the ass on Sunday. I totally agree. And I'll add that if you really love someone, you'll do whatever is best for them, which means that if she's in a happy marriage (or at least a non-abusive one) then you should support her in that 100% The thing that people forget nowadays is that it is possible for men and women to be friends and love each other as such without it being a sexual or lusting kind of love. There's one girl at school here that I'm friend s with and I love her to death (we're actually "brother and sister" on facebook. I know...it's lame). I also know that she's in a relationship with a great guy who treats her very well (dude sends homemade chocolate covered pretzels to her for no other reason than to do so). I'm not going to try anything to break them up and I wish them the best. To me, any woman in a good relationship is off-limits. I wouldn't want some guy trying to scam my woman off of me, so why should I try the same. This goes double for married women. Just realize that just because you think you love her (or maybe you do), that you two won't be better than what she has right now. Obviously if she's married she's made a commitment and loves the guy or else she wouldn't have married him (hopefully). While it may seem to suck, just appreciate the relationship you have with her now and be aware of the boundaries that exist. You can still have a loving relationship in a friendship without being "in love" with them. |
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Klutch
Unicron
Not so good at that whole noticing thing.
Posts: 3,115
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Post by Klutch on Mar 8, 2007 22:55:27 GMT -5
Well, I told her how I felt, and she took it very well. She actually said she was very flattered, and was amazed that I though of her in that way. She also said that she does still want to be friends and is honored to know I hold her in such high regards.
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"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
You couldn't ask for a better custom title!
How do you spell "Goddess"? C-H-R-I-S-T-Y!
Posts: 15,300
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Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Mar 8, 2007 23:11:19 GMT -5
Well damn ... looks like your thing is resolved before I had my two cents. Here it is anyway. OK married means OFF LIMITS. It really angers me that people just don't seem to care whether someone is married or not. You don't mess around with someone who is married, even if they initiate it. Have a backbone, even if they say they're having a rough time or they're getting divorced or he doesn't understand me like you do. Until you know for a fact they are divorced you put it back in your pants and wait, or move on. And if you share your feelings for her you will ruin a friendship or a marriage. Quoted for saying what needed to be said ... and the same goes of rany relationship, not just a marriage. In fact, it seemed as though the only time I could get wimmin-folk to hit on me was when I was engaged. Go figure. I don't wanna be a "challenge." But as for your situation, if it was a "just friends" situation first (i.e., you knew she was married and had no intention of starting a "relationship") I think it might be one of those "misguided affection" things. Granted, I don't know you or the details of your situation, but it very well could be. If you started as the "other man," then you need to leave her alone and you get what you deserve. (although I wish you no physical harm, any emotional pain that comes from being the "other" is yours and yours alone.) |
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