Crap-a-mania Cinco

[Toom E. Guci]

* Crap-a-mania Cinco opens with a Mariachi band playing in the center of the ring. Instead of pyro, confetti comes falling down from the rafters. It looks like a giant fiesta at the entryway as piñata’s are hanging on the steel entrance. Ricky Martin makes his way out to sing the National Anthem of Mexico. Ricky waves to the crowd, smiling, as he sings the song. After he is done, we cut to the ring for our opening contest.*


Ring Announcer: Before we begin, EWT’s Board of Directors as well as Toom E Dangerously that both Virus as well as Joe One have been detained at the border due to not having their passport. Neither man will be able to make today’s pay per view, therefore their match will be scheduled for a later date with far worse repercussions then a Cage Match would inflict on them.

And now for our opening contest…

Bullz-I comes out to his theme song dressed as Col. Sanders of KFC fame and holding a cane with a head looking like that of a dart-board entering the ring and grabs a mic and proceeds to go on a rant.

“Y’know, When a guy makes a promise to give you a match and then does a complete No show, that shows him to be a complete jerkwater!, Now in my case it was a ladder match that was supposed to happen at Ass Pain In the Royal Rumble….I mean, Rumble Ass Pain Royal, I mean……well you know what I mean!” he screams.

Bullz-I takes a moment to calm down and then continues.


“The point is, that I was promised a Ladder match at Royal Pain In The Ass Rumble, and instead I didn’t get my match cause my so-called opponent did a rotten thing and screwed me by no-showing!”

Callie comes out and gets into the ring, takes the cane away from Bullz-I and then hands him a cup of tea, he takes a sip or two and calms his nerves again before starting back into his rant.

“Anyway, all that amounts to one thing….since I never got the ladder match that I was promised, I am coming out here on Crap-A-Mania and making an open challenge to any half-assed shmuck, who wants to try and make a name for himself by beating me in a ladder match!”


For several moments there is nothing but silence.


And then finally A hard rock version of “Dixie” begins to play and a young, tall bald black man who cannot be older than 21 makes his way out into the ring.


The two men come nose to nose.

“And what’s your name kiddo?” asks Bullz-I

“Lance Sterling” says the young man with a Southern twang in his voice.

Bullz-I smirks.

“Okay. And uh….where are you from Lance?” asks Bullz-I

“Cotton Creek, Kentucky” answers Lance.

“So…am I to understand that you live in the South?”

“All my life…” says Lance “Southern born and bred and proud of it!”

In response, Bullz-I bursts out laughing “A black man who lives in the South and is proud of it…..hilarious!” roars Bullz-I.

“Is there some joke I missed?” asks Lance a bit offended.

“Pfffftttt….YOU’RE the joke!” laughs Bullz-I “ I mean, really….It’s no challenge to beat your everyday redneck, but a black redneck is even less of a challenge!”

“That so?” asks Lance starting to get angry.

“Oh come one sonny boy…” snickers Bullz-I “How tough could you country hicks be to beat?…think about it! You southern redneck Confederate types have about as much brainpower as an milkshake!”


Lance nods.


And then from out of nowhere he suddenly gives Bullz-I a DDT as the crowd goes wild and cheers like crazy!

“You wanted someone to fight in a ladder match …gramps, here I am!” shouts Lance.


Callie helps Bullz-I to his feet. “Your on!” screams Bullz-I .


The referee brings a briefcase into the ring, and a moment later the case is raised high above the ring.


The bell rings and the match is underway.


Bullz-I lashes out with a kick to Lance’s midsection and Lance bends over in pain. Bullz-I then follows up with a bunch of painful forearms to the back of Lance Sterling’s neck and manages to drop Lance to his knees. Bullz-I then goes out to ringside and grabs a ladder and then tosses it into the ring.

He sets it up and begins to climb the ladder—just as he gets to the top and reaches up to retrieve the briefcase above his head, Lance gets to his feet and pulls the ladder out from underneath him. Bullz-I is now hanging several feet above the ring.


Holding the steel ladder like a baseball bat, Lance rears back and then swings it like one as well and smashes Bullz-I right in the face. Bullz-I wavers but does not fall.

Lance does it again and this time Bullz-I falls but lands on his feet and responds with a knee to Lance Sterling’s throat, A move that temporarily disables the young man.

Lance falls to the mat, flat on his back, and Bullz-I brings in another ladder as well as a table. He stands the other ladder up and then after he places the ladder on top of them, he carries Lance up the ladder and slides him on top on the table.

Bullz-I then goes outside of the ring and brings in a ladder that is three times as tall as the last two. He stands that one up as well and climbs the Forty-foot ladder all the way to the top. He calls for a Moonsault.

Lance meanwhile has recovered and has dropped off the table and back down to the mat. He then topples one ladder and positions the other one in the perfect position. Bullz-I Moonsaults off the taller ladder…..only to land crotch first on the top of the smaller ladder which then topples and sends Bullz-I landing crotch first on the nearest turnbuckle. Bullz-I tries to overcome the pain and goes for another Moonsault…but off the turnbuckle this time…….only to screw up yet again by slipping off the turnbuckle at the last minute and landing crotch first on the top rope!

Bullz-I becomes glassy-eyed and then slumps over and crumples to the ring mat, barely able to move.


Lance Sterling begins to stomp away at Bullz-I’s head, stomping until Bullz-I is busted open and begins to bleed like a stuck pig. Callie Shaw throws her boss’s cane away and goes for the Sexy B-Slide. Lance suddenly goes down but before he can get back to his feet, Callie slaps the Sexy A-Lock on him. While Lance is dealing with Bullz-I’s valet, Bullz-I himself is beginning to stir. Finally he gets to his feet and after setting up the ten-foot ladder that caused him so much pain only mere moments ago, Bullz-I begins to climb the steel structure. Lance is able to yank himself out of Callie’s Sexy A-Lock and is headed for the ladder as well when he is knocked down a second time by Callie Shaw….this time using her Sexy C-Line move.

Callie quickly goes to the outside and grabs the cane. She climbs back into the ring and swings the weapon at Lance…but he ducks the blow rather easily and retaliates by shoving her through the ring ropes and out of the ring to the floor below.

Bullz-I is just beginning to get the briefcase above his head loose from it’s bonds, but before he is able to finish the job, Lance climbs up and lands a Big Boot to Bullz-I’s four-eyed face, sending Bullz-I flying from the ladder and down onto the mat in one direction….and the phony Colonel Sanders glasses he was wearing moments earlier in a completely separate direction.

Bullz-I sits up dazed and a little confused, and Lance follows up with a Flying Dropkick from the top of the ladder. Lance quickly gets to his feet, walks over to Bullz-I’s fake glasses……and stomps on them squashing them flat.

He then turns around, glares at Bullz-I and prepares to do the same thing—but on a larger and more bloodily violent scale. Suddenly Lance goes down and slams into the mat face first, as he gets taken down with another one of Callie’s moves, The Sexy D&T. Lance gets to one knee as Callie begins to relentlessly kick him in the back. Lance however barely notices the kicks to his back—He gives her a Russian Legsweep and then tosses her over the top rope and out of the ring and to the floor below. He then begins to climb the ladder again, as does Bullz-I. Both men reach the top of the ladder At the exact same time and begin to take turns punching each other in an attempt to knock the other man off the ladder first. Lance finally tires of the back and forth punching and suddenly comes from out of nowhere with a Belly To Belly Suplex off the top of the ladder!


Both men are down and nearly out now, as Callie Shaw re-enters the ring , comes up behind Lance and gives him a ADDDT!

A few minutes later Bullz-I begins to climb the ladder once more as Callie puts Lance in a Double Ankle Choke Hold. Her grip doesn’t last long though and Lance is able to squirm out of the hold with little effort. He stands just in time to get leveled by Bullz-I as he jumps off the ladder and takes the young Southerner out with a Jaw Jacker and then follows it up with a Swinging Neckbreaker From Hell, which is followed up with a Rib Ripper and then a Skull Crusher after which Bullz-I gives him a Spinal Surgery. Bullz-I then rolls to the outside and removes one of the mats from the concrete floor and goes to finish his opponent off with a Spinal Driver right off the edge of the ring and to the exposed concrete floor below—fortunately, Lance is just barely able to get himself free from Bullz-I’s grasp in the nick of time and he half climbs half stumbles back into the ring. Lance starts to climb the ladder but is yanked down by the tights courtesy of Bullz-I who blasts him with The Bone Saw and then tries to finish him off for good with his Finisher---The Invertibreaker. Convinced that Lance has been successfully laid out, Bullz-I begins to climb the ladder as he tries to ignore the pain that shoots through his body.

He’s close to the top when Lance bends down and uses all the strength he has, to place the ladder on his shoulders---with a slightly frightened Bullz-I clinging to the side of It.

A moment later Lance gives the ladder an Electric Chair to the concrete floor that Bullz-I exposed only moments earlier.

The crowd goes nuts and their cheers get louder as Bullz-I slams headfirst into the concrete floor and begins to bleed even more. Lance takes a couple of breaths and then rolls out of the ring, grabs the ladder and tosses it right back into the ring. It takes him a minute or so but Lance follows the ladder into the ring five minutes later and then he positions the ladder and begins to climb toward the prize.
Without warning a long length of chain seemingly comes from out of thin air and wraps itself around Lance’s throat causing him to start having trouble breathing. A moment later Callie Shaw—who is holding the other end of the chain—gives a hard yank and pulls Lance off the ladder and crashing to the mat back first. Callie steps on Lance’s throat with one foot and pulls up on the chain tightening it around Lance’s throat as she kicks him in the ribs with her other foot.


The crowd is starting to boo but nothing changes---fifteen minutes later Lance is still getting choked by the chain that Callie is holding and the young Southerner is fighting with all he has no to fade away---but things don’t look good, nor do they look promising for the new wrestler. Bullz-I meanwhile has climbed the ladder and has reached the top—now all he needs to do is get the briefcase.

Lance finally frees himself from the chain, and topples the ladder once more. Lance stands the ladder up but Bullz-I Dropkicks the ladder into his face and now Lance is the one who’s been bloodied—not to mention flat on his back. Bullz-I stands the weary Lance on his feet and gives the Kentucky born wrestler another Invertibreaker before beginning to climb the ladder yet again. Lance however is refusing to give up and he struggles to his feet and begins to climb the ladder as well. Callie rushes into the ring and leaps onto Lance’s back and begins to clobber him with punches to the side of his head.

Lance has finally had enough of Bullz-I’s valet. He suddenly grabs her legs and then falls back crushing her between his back and the ring mat. Hoping to stop his opponent, Bullz-I gives Lance another Invertibreaker—this time off the top of the ladder. Bullz-I follows up right away with yet another Invertibreaker to Sterling, and then puts him in a Leg Snapper Class 1 and applies all the pressure he can muster.

It takes all of Lance’s endurance not to tap out and so Bullz-I shifts into a Leg Snapper Class 2 and goes into full gear—but still Lance finds the will deep inside himself not to tap out and instead Lance is able to turn Bullz-I’s dangerous and painful hold into a Slingshot and he sends Bullz-I flying over the top floor and landing on the back of his neck on the concrete floor that was exposed earlier in the match. Lance is able to shove Bullz-I back into the ring and pounds on him a little more, before Bullz-I pulls an Invertibreaker from out of nowhere and begins to pummel Lance in the head.

The two men break and then stand up and face each other again. Lance doesn’t notice as Callie retrieves a recently sharpened Ice Skate and proceeds to try and attack Lance from behind—Lance does notice Bullz-I suddenly smirk however and he ducks out of pure suspicion ….and it’s a good thing too—He ducks just in time and the blade of the ice skate misses him and instead it connects with Bullz-I slashing him across the face In a vertical pattern.


Bullz-I cries out in pain and stumbles back holding his wound and trying to stop the bleeding. Lance gives Callie a Big Boot out of the ring and then gives Bullz-I his finisher the Dixie Blast.


Lance then climbs the ladder and proceeds to successfully retrieve the briefcase.

Lance Sterling has won the Ladder match.

Suddenly, Vanilla Ice’s “Ice, Ice, Baby” starts to play and the Barracus Cousins make their way down to the ring.

They pause for a moment to reach under the ring and pull out two tables which they set up outside the ring, and then they climb into the ring itself.

They each grab a mic as they glare at Lance.

Bosco then begins to talk.

“Yo man, we were backstage watching the show and we were enjoying ourselves a lot…and then YOU had to come out to that darn hillbilly music—well we were pretty offended by that alone, but then we did a little bit of research on the net while you had your match and we found out that you are even more offensive than we first thought—not only are you truly from the south but your proud of it and freely call yourself a redneck? That’s just too much man!”

Archie steps behind Bosco and turns to the crowd. And pounds his chest as he screams “Represent yo!”

Bosco continues his rant “So here’s the deal man—you either apologize for doing this “Proud to be a redneck crap” or we gonna beat your butt bloody, And then we gonna send you through the tables we set up outside the ring—first, Archie will do it and then me. After all…you are a black man and black men got no business being a redneck—which are nothing but racist pigs!…so make up your mind now dude—is it gonna be an apology or getting a beating?”


Archie turns around and points at Lance “Better make the right choice bro!”

Suddenly and without warning Lance attacks giving the Barracus cousins a Dixie Blast that sends them flying out of their boots and back out to ringside.

The crowd erupts in cheers as Lance jumps out of the ring and grabbing Bosco by his wacky haircut he proceeds to Powerbomb Bosco Barracus through one of the tables.

Archie Barracus is only able to get to one knee before he too gets Powerbombed through the other table by Lance Sterling.

Lance walks up the ramp about halfway and then stops.

“My answer is that you two can go to hell, I’m Southern born and Southern bred and proud of it…and you two “Little Richard” wanna-be’s ain’t gonna ever change that!”

Lance then turns and walks the rest of the way backstage………

[Toom E. Guci]

*We cut backstage to the vehicle entry area. Sum Guy is driving, Ogre is in the backseat, & the hitchhiker is still with them. The car pulls up & stops, as the girl gets out.*

Mystery: Thanks for both rides there Ogre.

*And she walks away.*

Ogre: Huh huh huh…she likes me.

Sum Guy: Look, do I really need to be here for all this? We traveled across America. We been to San Francisco. We been to the East Village. You scared me all the time. We haven’t found A-Bomb & it’s Crap-a-mania. I really don’t wanna do this anymore.

Ogre: Hey Rog! Shut up & get me a beer!

*Ogre grabs Sum Guy by the throat & drags him away.*

*Billy Ubermark watches Ogre & Sum Guy leave.*

Billy: How does he do it?

*Cut back to ringside.*

[Toom E. Guci]

"This is one of those days, yo!" Fred Durst is on the entrance ramp with his band, Limp Bizkit. He struts across the entrance ramp to the boos of the crowd. He smiles as he continues, "This is one of those days where everything is just f***** up, where you want to unleash and break some s***!"

And with that, Poe Moe Foe makes his way to the ring as the band plays a live edition of one of their more renowned songs; Break Stuff. Foe ignores the crowd as he enters the ring. He takes a seat in the corner and eyes the entrance ramp, awaiting his opponent, as the song ends.

Several men file out from the back. They lineup, across from one another, down the ramp. Darkness engulfs the arena then laser beam-like lights of all colors fire upon the stage. Suddenly, "Heart of a Champion" hits the loudspeakers. To one of the loudest pops in recent memory, Nelly struts out.

"C'mon, uhh, uhh
I guess he's back 'urr derrty, S-T-L derby
I'm like Magic to Kareem, mayne you tell me I ain't Worthy
I ain't speakin 'bout a jersey, I'm speakin 'bout income
DID YOU HEAR THAT ELIZABETH? HERE COME THE BIG ONE!
I put mo' money in the community than you got in yo' budget
I wipe my ass with yo' advance to the toilet then flush it
My last stance be a stance of a General Custard
I hot dog cause I can, I got the cheese and mustard
I got the stats of a hall of famer - in just two records
That's why I'm back up at the Super Bowl - with Jeremy Shockey
I got that can’t stop, won't stop, in my veins
That's why they can’t stop, won't stop, screamin the name
HENSLEY! HENSLEY! Go tell a friend to tell a friend
I’m a keep the same grin whether I, lose or win
Up, or down ten, I’m a fight to the end

...

Let's go"

Hardcore Hensley springs through the curtains. His belt firmly around his waist, he bobs up and down for a moment then embraces Nelly before heading down the aisle. He purposely bumps into a select few of the men paving his road, shouting at the top of his lungs the entire way. Once at the apron, he slides into the ring. He bucks in Foe's general direction, which Foe responds to with a middle finger then visits the nearest turnbuckle. After the champ finishes up, both guys retire to their respective corners. Howard Finkel climbs inside for the super special ring announcing.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the EWT Ox Division Championship! Introducing first, the challenger, hailing from Charlottesville, Virginia, and weighing in at two hundred and thirty-two pounds...POE MOE FOE!!!"

Boos rain in, but Foe meets them with a snarl.

"And the champion, out of Richmond, Virginia, he weighed in this morning at approximately two hundred and fifty-two pounds...HARDCORE HENSLEY!!!"

Hensley releases another roar, his arms held high, and belt still tightly around his waist. Fink exits after a neat little bow then the referee checks each man for any concealed foreign objects. When complete, he asks for Hensley's belt. The champ removes it, but stares deeply into it for a moment before finally handing it over. The ref goes to the center of the ring, and shows it off to the crowd. He takes it over to the timekeeper's table then calls for the bell.

Jim Ross: Well, here we go.

Joey Styles: I'm calling it right now, this one's gonna get ugly, and it's gonna do so fast.

At the sound of the bell, neither man makes a move. Hatred fills them both, but due to the rule book, they're unable to do what they truly want. Slowly, they begin to circle around the ring. Hensley beats on his chest while Foe simply glares at him. They eventually lockup mid-ring. A test of strength ensues, but there's no clear-cut victor. Hensley's the first to respond by breaking the hold then placing Foe in a headlock. Foe tries to lift him up into the air for a reversal of sorts, but each time Hensley just tightens his grip. Foe manages to take him over to the ropes though. He tries to send him off to the other side, but Hensley stays true. Another attempt fails, and Foe is back where he started. Another moment passes then Hensley, feeling the damage done, lets go. He bounds off to the ropes as Foe starts to recuperate. A stiff shoulder block knocks Foe off of his feet. Hensley stares him down then heads off to the ropes again. Foe rolls over, and Hensley clears him on the rebound. Foe makes it to his feet rather quickly, and bends over, hoping for a possible back body drop possibly. Hensley catches himself though, and decides to show off his athleticism early. He jumps onto Foe's back, planting him with a mule kick. He demonstrates phenomenal balance by being able to immediately hop back down onto the mat. Meanwhile, Foe eats a mouthful of canvas.

Styles: Superb work from the champ!

JR: What grace!

Hensley enjoys himself while Foe hastily springs back up to his feet. He turns around, and tries to club Hensley repeatedly. The champ ducks every time though, and opens up with stiff kicks. Foe's ribcage takes a gruesome fate, and before long he's using the ropes for leverage. Looking to remain in the offensive, Hensley hits the ropes again. He charges Foe with a clothesline, and they both end up spilling to the outside. Foe crashes to the floor, but Hensley lands perfectly on his feet. He bobs up and down, roaring again as the audience applauds him. He nods, showing off his patented smirk. He mocks Foe briefly then pulls him back up. A couple of European uppercuts send him tumbling over the steps in very comical fashion. Foe slaps his hands on the concrete furiously. Hensley pursues him around the ring, all the way to in front of the announce tables.

Styles: Up close and personal, JR!

JR: As if we weren't already.

Foe goes to surprise him with an open handed slap, but Hensley blocks then slaps the piss out of him. Ringside fans quickly reply with "Oohs". They supply Hensley's sure manner, and he continues to play with his opponent. He grabs him by the head then throws him down on the timekeeper's table, dangerously close to the bell. The ref, after pausing previously, demands they return to the ring, his count now passed eight. The champ eyeballs him then rolls in and out of the ring. Angrily, the ref restarts. Hensley chuckles to himself then preys on Foe. Sneakily, Foe watches him out of the corner of his eye. As soon as he turns around, Hensley tries for a roundhouse kick. Foe ducks it though then shoves him face first into the pole. Hensley collapses on impact, blood already trickling down from his forehead. As Foe watches his opposition helplessly on the floor, and listens to the ref shout out numbers, something seems to snap inside of him. Out of nowhere, he begins laughing maniacally, freaking out most everybody. He shakes his head at Hensley. The ref points fingers at him, warning him he's at nine. Foe glares at him then flips him a pair of birds. Appalled, the ref goes to signal for a count out, but before he can even do that, Foe is ruthlessly attacking Hensley with a chair. Instantly, the ref calls for the bell.

JR: What the hell's he doing?

Styles: I knew it.

The fans are horrified as Foe whacks away relentlessly with the chair, absolutely killing Hensley's back. The ref rolls out, and tries to stop him, but he gets a head shot for his troubles. Some security men threaten action, but Foe gets them to back off. Not exactly wanting their faces bashed in, they all oblige. Foe turns to Hensley, a wicked smile comes to across his face.

A head shot has Hensley fall prone on the concrete floor. With the champ down for the moment, Poe Moe Foe places the chair around Hensley's right ankle.

"He's going to break his damn ankle!" JR shouts as Foe stomps on Hensley's leg repeatedly. Hensley writhes from the pain but still has enough fight left in him to try and kick Foe away with his free leg. Hensley catches Foe off-guard with the first kick, but Foe catches the second kick and knees the champ in the groin. Foe climbs on top of the announce table, ignoring the protests of JR and Joey Styles, as the champ coughs up some blood. Foe jumps from the table on to the chair wrapped around Hensley's ankle.

"230 some pounds of this man...err, monster just came crashing down on the champ's ankle!" JR shouts.

"I'm surprised Hensley is still breathing, JR! A normal man would pass out from this pain!"

Indeed, Hensley is still conscious. He reaches for his ankle but Foe knocks his back down with a stiff shot from his brass knuckle-laced fist. Foe removes the chair from Hensley's ankle but flips the champ over and places him in the ankle lock! Hensley struggles with the pain, trying to power out of the hold. It's no use, though. Foe has the hold applied painfully enough that Ken Shamrock would be jealous. Hensley goes limp before Foe finally breaks the hold.

"Did you hear that ankle snap, JR?"

"Hard to hear anything with this capacity crowd giving this monster a piece of their mind."

The crowd is furious at Poe Moe Foe. The boos are deafening, nearly drowning out the announcers at ringside. Foe spits on Hensley before walking over his body. Surprisingly, Hensley grabs his leg and throws a few punches from the ground. The crowd cheers him on as the champ struggles to his feet once more. However, Poe Moe Foe is determined not to let the champ make a comeback. Foe frees his leg from Hensley's grip and curb stomps him. Black Sabbath's After All (The Dead) begins to play as Hensley falls prone once more. Foe leaves the ring, satisfied with the results.

[Toom E. Guci]

JIM ROSS: Well that match was one hell of a showing, both men taking it to the limit

JOEY STYLES: Your right Ross, but now it’s time for the match that may make Big Show versus Floyd Mayweather look like small potatoes. It’s time for The Bad Man to face Ogre.

{As Joey finishes ‘Moving on Up’ hits the speaker system and out from the back walks Curly Long, he pauses and the music switches to ‘Superbeast’ by Rob Zombie. The lights dim to a murky orange and out walks the immense man of grotesque evil.}

ANNOUNCER: The following match is for one fall, introducing first he weighs in at 520 pounds and is accompanied to the ring by Curly Long. From your worst nightmare he is The Bad Man!!

{As the crowd boos, the fried caked filled Bad Man slowly enters the ring, his bulging mass flowing from one tier to another. Curly Long heads round to the announcer table side of the ring and grabs a chair. He sets it up and then stands on it for a good view. Still dressed in a fine suit and holding his cane, Curly shouts inaudible things at The Bad Man possibly encouraging the sadist. The Bad Man beats his scarred man breasts in anger as he waits for the opponent.]

ANNOUNCER: His opponent hails from Adams College, he weighs in at …erm … well we don’t know how much he weighs be we all know that he is Ogre!!

{As ‘Man or Animal’ by Audio slave hits the speakers the crowd cheers and starts a ‘NERDS’ chant. Out comes Ogre beer in one hand and dragging with him by his neck a kicking and screaming Sum Guy who is still holding a microphone.}

SUM GUY: No! Let me go Ogre! I don’t want to be here, that man is a maniac! You’re a Maniac! Let me go!

{Ogre pays no heed to Sum Guy as he heads to the ring and then drags him into the ring with him. He drops Sum guy who clutches his bruised neck as he raises his hands to the crowd the ‘NERDS’ chant continues as Ogre finishes his bottle of beer and belches loudly! Meanwhile the Bad Man waits. The Referee signals for the bell and we are about to begin.}

JIM ROSS: Any predictions here Joey?

JOEY STYLES: Well JR all I know is that these two men are going to hurt each other, so my prediction is something hardcore!

{Bell Rings}

Sum Guy is back on his feet in the middle of the ring, Ogre has seen The Bad man and is getting angry whilst the Bad Man is also getting angry! Both men suddenly yell and growl in there own manner and charge forward wildly. Sum Guy has only seconds to realise he is in the wrong place as the two beasts collide with Sum Guy getting squashed. The two men back off as Sum Guy collapses to the floor, Ogre grabs Sum guy by the scruff of the neck and hurls him over the top rope shouting.

OGRE: ‘Don’t Come Back!’

JOEY STYLES: Just like the movie Ross.

JIM ROSS: You can’t stop that dislike of Nerds Joey.

JOEY STYLES: Let’s hope he doesn’t come over here then Ross.

The Bad Man takes this opportunity to attack Ogre from behind with some punches to the back, much to the dismay of the fans. The Bad Man cares not for the fans opinions as he continues taking Ogre to the corner where he dishes out a couple of chops. Ogre retaliates with a headbutt and some punches of his own. The Bad man shakes off this brief attack and takes Ogre in a headlock and swings him over with a takedown. He lets go of this and drops an elbow on the back of Ogres head and then rolls him over for a cover.

1,2 …

Ogre kicks out and gets to his feet and avoids a clothesline attempt by the Bad Man. He then kicks the Bad man in the shin before grabbing him by the back of his pants and then in a show of strength hurls The Bad Over the top rope onto Sum Guy!

OGRE: And there’s your flat mate!!

The fans begin an ‘Ogre’ chant as the ref counts. The Bad Man gets up at 5 and re-enters the ring where Ogre is waiting who grabs the Bad Man by his bald gnarled head. Ogre smashes his fist down on the Bad man’s skull a few times before running the ropes and smashing into the Bad man with a lariat knocking the 500 pounder to the canvas. Ogre goes for the cover.

1,2 …

JIM ROSS: Ogre is really showing his training has paid off.

JOEY STYLES: Training? What training this guy has been driving around beating up nerds, sleeping with college girls and looking for A-Bomb.

JIM ROSS: Well it seems to be working Joey.

Bad man kicks out and rolls on to his front to get up, Ogre stomps on him and then tries to go for some sort of choke throw but The Bad man blocks this and brings a knee up into Ogre’s gut and then piledrives him into the mat. The crowd Boos loudly as the Bad Man grins a yellow toothed smile of nasty intentions. He slowly backs up and then using the ropes as leverage springs forward with a big splash! Ogre grunts in pain as the 500 pound flab connects. The Bad Man gets up and roars something or other as he goes for another only for Ogre to roll out of the way. Both men get up slowly.

JOEY STYLES: I’m surprised Ogre can move after that fell on him

Curly Long shouts something from the outside and The Bad Man pulls out his claw hammer with bad intentions, on seeing this, the referee is about to intervene but Ogre takes his beer bottle from out of his back pocket. The referee shrugs and lets it go.

JIM ROSS: I can’t believe this referee is going to let these two men use those weapons!

The two men rush at each other weapons of pain creation ready. They clash the Hammer smashes through the bottle breaking it. The Bad Man catches Ogre in the shoulder with hammer, but Ogre slashes the broken bottle across The Bad Man’s face in return. The Bad Man cries out in pain and drops the hammer as blood trickles from the deep gash in his cheek. Ogre grunts in triumph and smashes the rest of the bottle across the skull of The Bad Man. The bottle disintegrates into a million pieces of glass as The Bad Man stands awkwardly not really knowing where he is from that shot. Ogre grins, spreads his arms wide despite the pain and goes for a bodyslam. He lifts and manages the feat of slamming the bloody Bad Man into the canvas.

JOEY STYLES: Shades of Hulk Hogan slamming Andre the Giant there Ross!

JIM ROSS: I thought I was commentating with Joey Styles not Michael Cole!

Ogre covers.

1,2 …

Rope Break! The Bad Man got a foot on the ropes thanks to Curly Long! The crowd boos as Sum Guy who has recovered from being crushed by the Bad Man falling on him confronts Curly Long on the outside. In the ring Ogre is pissed and looks for another beer, meanwhile Curly Long is shouting at Sum Guy to stay out of his way as he tries to trip Ogre with his cane. Sum Guy snatches the cane away which doesn’t impress Curly Long who chases after Sum Guy and manages to catch him after he stumbles past the ring steps.

JIM ROSS: Much like everything else in his life, Sum Guy has once again fouled up tonight.

In the ring The Bad Man is back up and Ogre heads to attack locking his arms around the Bad Man with a Bear Hug. On the outside Curly Long has hit a low blow on Sum Guy with his cane and now has him on his shoulders as he nails Sum with the Curly Creamer!

JOEY STYLES: Sum guy didn’t deserve that, what a nasty little runt Curly Long is.

Back in the ring and Ogre’s Bear Hug isn’t really working as he just isn’t wide enough to get any kind of crushing pressure on this giant pumpkin shaped man. The Bad Man’s bloody face grins as he uses his girth to push Ogre off and then locks in his own Bear hug the Bayanhongor Fracture Clasp! Ogre is in trouble as his already damaged shoulder causes this move to be twice as painful. Ogre growls and roars as the crowd chants for him to escape this crushing brutal move. The Bad Man grins his sadistic smile made all the worse by the beer bottle gash in his face. In desperation Ogre bites the Bad man on the nose!

JIM ROSS: Bawwh Gawd, what levels of desperation!

The Bad man releases the hold as Ogre charges forward and both men go over the top rope to the floor. Ogre is up first and goes after Bad Man who is waiting with that hammer and smashes it into Ogre’s stomach. Ogre clutches at his gut as Bad Man takes him into the crowd. Kids flee and women faint from the sight of The Bad Man close up, whilst the student crowd cheers on Ogre. Curly Long watches and heads up the ramp way which most of the crowd don’t notice. Bad Man and Ogre fight up the stairs and head through to the backstage area, they reach a food stand but continue fighting with punches, kicks until they plough into the toilets. Fans who thought the match would be a good time for a piss break regret there choice as they go flying as the two huge men take turns slamming each others heads into toilet bowls. Ogre enraged at being treated like a nerd takes one of the swinging doors off its hinges and smashes it into The Bad Mans head, the force sends the Bad Man out of the toilets and towards the wrestler’s area.

JIM ROSS: I have no idea where these two are going.

JOEY STYLES: I’m struggling to keep up with the action.

The Bad Man catches Ogre off guard as he comes through the door and smashes his face into a wall, bits of plaster flake off where the impact was made. Both men now bloodied continue there fight, Divas run in terror as the two men try to smash each other through the make up table that is setup in the hallway. Ogre manages to get the job done with a judo type slam!

JOEY STYLES: Where did Ogre learn to do that?

As the Bad man struggles out of the debris of the table, Ogre takes the make up powder and throws it in the Bad Man’s face. The mixture of make up powder blood and Bad Man’s naturally horrible face makes for a hideous visage. Ogre doesn’t care as he barrels into his blubbery opponent. They are reaching the end of the corridor and Ogre slams the Bad man down with a clothesline, he is about to cover when from around the corner Todd Grisham is seemingly ushered into view.

JIM ROSS: Talk about bad timing Joey.
Seeing the backstage announcer Ogre screams ‘NERDS!!!!’ and charges forward only for a familiar looking cane swing out and smash Ogre in the face like a baseball bat!

JOEY STYLES: OH MY GOD!!

Ogre hits the floor like a rock as we see Curly Long on top of a stack of trunk boxes holding the cane, a grin on his face. The Bad Man bloody and hurting stumbles up into view and with a chair in hand places it across his chest and splashes Ogre in the hallway.

JIM ROSS: That vile little bastard has done it again Joey!!

1,2,3.

{A distant bell rings}

ANNOUNCER: Your winner The Bad Man!!

{The crowd boos as a semi-conscious Ogre mumbles the words ‘Rog?’ before passing out. The Bad Man stands victorious in the hallway ‘Superbeast’ plays in the background as his sweaty flab glistens from the match and the blood that drips off several gashes where broken glass has cut his body. He enjoys his moment at Crap-A-Mania Cinco the fans booing loudly, before walking off. Leaving Curly Long to hop down and survey the unconscious Ogre before looking up at the door which Ogre has been defeated in front of, it reads ‘Toom E Dangerously’. Curly Long grins, twirls the cane in his hand and walks off.}

[Toom E. Guci]

We cut to the ring.

Ring Announcer- Ladies and gentlemen please welcome followed by his manager and personal interviewer Mick Badamle, one of the newest members of the EWT roster..................."The Mightiest Gladiator" Jason Raid!!!!!!

(O Fortuna Remix by Therion ( youtube.com/watch?v=yzAe_xWpJgM&feature=related ) kicks in on the PA and Jason Raid appears at the entrance with his manager Mick Badamle right behind him and they just stand their letting O Fortuna Remix play while the crowd boos. Once the heavy part of the song finally kicks in they start walking to the ring. Raid has on a Roman style robe, war helmet, and flashy sun glasses. He is also carrying a black and silver pugil-stick.)

(They both get in the ring and Badamle right away snatches the microphone away from the ring announcer.)

Mick Badamle- Nice job skippy but I think it is about time that you hand this mic over to a real professional! Okay I am here with the newest and brightest star in the EWT........."The Mightiest Gladiator" Jason Raid. My first question for you is what are your plans here in the EWT?

Jason Raid- My plans are simple. Beat everything in my path until I have reached the top. You see I will be the most awesome dominant force this promotion will have ever seen. I will use brute force for my domination because domination is just what my reign of glory will be.

Mick Badamle- I understand that you plan to have a contest for the fans starting next week on an EWT regularly programmed show. How will that work.

Jason Raid- Well it is simple Mick. I am putting up ten thousand dollars of my own money in a contest that I like to call Duel. Being the superb and greatest announcer to ever come out of a Gladiator Arena I'm sure you are familiar with this event and can explain it to the lesser ignorant people out there.

(The crowd boos at the ignorant remark)

Mick Badamle- Well yes I can. You see fans each week Jason Raid is going to come out here and defend ten thousand dollars of his own money against one of you poor pathetic overweight slobs out there. Duel works like this. His "Mightiest" will get a pugil stick and the victim....I mean contestant will get a pugil stick. We will set up round tower planks in the ring and then both men will go at it with the pugil sticks trying to knock the other off.

Jason Raid- You see I shall prove my dominance by first roughing up you poor pathetic peasants. You all know you can't compete with a Gladiator of my stature and I am going to prove it. All of you are nothing more than Joe Schmoes and when I get done with you, you will all have been nothing but a stepping stone in my reign of dominance over the EWT!!

(The crowd boos loudly while O Fortuna Remix by Therion ( youtube.com/watch?v=yzAe_xWpJgM&feature=related ) hits the PA and Jason Raid and Mick Badamle make their exit.)

[Toom E. Guci]

*Ashiwarya Rai’s “Thoda Sa Pagla” begins to play, drawing much approval from the crowd as Mahavir Abha and Jasmyne step out onto the entrance stage. Mahavir is showcasing his new ring attire of long orange tights with green shooting stars with white outlining on the sides. Jasmyne gives her boyfriend a kiss on the cheek before taking his arm as Mahavir—with his famous grin—make their way down the aisle.*

Toni "T.G." Garcya: The following contest is the "All or Nothing" Tag-Team ladder match for Team Ireland's contracts & Liam O'Neill's videotape. The winners will be whoever climbs the ladder & retrieves the briefcase hanging from the ceiling. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Jasmyne, from Mumbai, India, weighing in at 244lbs ... "The Bollywood Big Shot"... MAHAVIR AB~HA!!!

*"Living in America" begins playing. The arena lights change to a flashing green & yellow as Tiffany emerges from the back dressed in a short white latex skirt & bikini. She gestures proudly towards the curtain as Liam O'Neill appears, air-guitarring as he goes. Liam is dressed in his green & gold tye-dyed tights, green "Liam-Mania" T-Shirt & green, white & gold feather boas.*

"T.G.": And his Tag-Team Partner being accompanied by Tiffany, from Venice Beach, California by way of Cork, Ireland, weighing in at 209lbs... "HOLLYWOOD" LIAM OOOOOOOO~NEEEEEIIIIILLLLL!!!

*Liam continues his trek to the ring as he links arms with Tiffany & saunters on down the ramp to a rapturous ovation. When the pair reach the ring, Liam enters first, holding the ropes open for Tiffany. Liam removes his boas & places them around the shoulders of Tiffany. Liam tears off his T-Shirt & throws it to the audience. Liam cups his hand to his ear at every side of the ring, drawing louder & louder cheers as he goes. He then does a quick posing routine in the middle of the ring. to further applause. Liam & Mahavir retreat to their corner for a moment as Jasmyne & Tiffany talk amongst themselves before Mahavir tells the ladies to get out of the ring.*

*The Dropkick Murphys are assembled at the right hand side of the EWT stage beneath the Toomitron. The crowd are appreciative of the band themselves, but know full-well that their presence means at least one of their least favourite EWT stars is about to enter. The sinister opening strains of "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" begin playing in the EWT Arena & the crowd immediately start cheering. At the upbeat of the song, Coach O'Hare walks out from behind the curtain, waving his Hurley as always, & those cheers quickly turn to boos. O'Hare is followed closely by Sean McCann. Sean drops to one knee & points backwards over his shoulders with his thumbs as his partner, Shane Malone emerges. Malone stands behind Sean with his arms held over his head, his fists clenched.*

"T.G.": Introducing the challengers, proudly representing their home country of Ireland, being accompanied by Coach O'Hare at a total combined weight of 492lbs, "The Celtic Giant" Shane Malone & "The Don Juan of Donegal" Sean McCann... TEEEEEEAAAAAM IRRRRREELAAAANNND!!!

*Team Ireland's Green, White & Gold pyro explodes at the top of the ramp as O'Hare raises the Hurley high. After the pyro explosion, Sean springs to a standing position again & turns around to face Shane. The two men bash fists together & Sean slaps Shane on the chest.*

"I'm a sailor peg
And I lost my leg
Climbing up the top sails,
I lost my leg!"

*O'Hare, Malone & McCann all slap hands with Al Barr as they walk past. Sean walks on down to the ring slightly ahead of the others. O'Hare carries the Hurley slung over his shoulder & Malone walks alongside him, leaning in as the Coach whispers possible strategy in Shane's ear. Sean reaches the ring & quickly clambers up the steps, pausing at the top step to look out at the audience & give a smirk.*

"I'm shipping up to Boston
Waaaaay Oooooooh
I'm shipping out to Boston
Waaaaay Oooooooh
I'm shipping off to Boston
Waaaaay Oooooooh
I'm shipping off... to find my wooden leg!"

*The ring is surrounded by ladders laying on their sides & propped up against the railings. Sean removes his silver waistcoat & tosses it to the crowd. Sean holds the top rope & springs into the ring landing on his feet. Shane gets to the ring & steps in over the top rope. O'Hare follows in, entering between the middle & top ropes. Sean runs to a ringpost & spreads his arms out in a Randy Orton-esque fashion. Shane rips off his Team Ireland shirt & tosses the shreds to the audience. The Coach continues to wave the Hurley around as he stands in the middle of the ring.*

DING-DING!

*Shane & Sean take a look up at the briefcase above the ring which contains not only the precious video tape they have sought for some months but also their EWT contracts. Liam & Mahavir re-enter & also look up at the briefcase, then to eachother. Both men realize the high stakes of this match if the tape falls into the hands of Team Ireland. Shane & Sean glance at eachother & quickly rush their opponents. Shane spears Mahavir while Sean nails Liam with a Tornado DDT. The two Irishmen then slide out of the ring & grab a ladder each before sliding back in. McCann sets his ladder up in the centre as Malone sets his upon his shoulders, around his neck. Malone jabs the ladder in the direction of Mahavir, who ducks. he aims for Liam, who also ducks. Both men then grab an end of the ladder each & ram it at the legs of the ladder Sean is climbing. Sean crashes on the mat below. Liam & Mahavir slam the ladder the other way & Shane's throat is jarred against the inside of the ladder. The crowd gives a cheer for Shane's crushed larynx. Liam picks up the ladder which Sean was trying to use earlier & is about to set it up when Sean gets back to his feet & dropkicks it against Liam's chest.*

*Mahavir, meanwhile is dealing with Shane who clutches at his injured throat. Mahavir whips Shane to a corner. Mahavir looks to follow up, possibly with a Maha-Kick, but Shane counters with a Big Boot to Mahavir's face. Mahavir staggers around for a moment until Shane clamps his hand onto Mahavir's face. Shane prepares to hoist Mahavir up for the "Giant's Causeway" but Mahavir gives Shane a kick to the gonads. Shane collapses to the mat & assumes the Hans Moleman position. Mahavir slides to the outside & grabs one of Shane's ankles from the outside. He calls Jasmyne over & she grabs the other. Mahavir & Jasmyne give Shane a harsh tug & yank his groin right into the ring post. Shane roars in pain. Mahavir leans in & passionately kisses Jasmyne.*

*Liam, on the other hand, is not having quite as much fun as his partner. After Sean kicks the ladder onto Liam's chest, Sean picks the ladder up again & slams it on to Liam's body. Liam writhes & holds his ribs. Sean opens the ladder & then slams Liam onto the half that rests on the mat. He slams the top half closed onto Liam's prone form. As Liam lies sandwiched in the ladder, Sean scales the nearest set of turnbuckles. Sean goes flying off with a "Dublin Stomp" right on to Liam as he lies trapped in the ladder.*

*Sean notices Shane in trouble & runs towards the corner where his partner is straddled around the ring post. Sean quickly scales the ropes & cannonballs himself to the outside. landing right on top of Mahavir. Fortunately, Mahavir manages to shove Jasmyne aside seconds before Sean lands on him. Jasmyne tries to keep her distance from Sean, but McCann advances on her. Before Jasmyne can get too far, Sean grabs her by her long hair & makes obscene thrusting gestures with his groin. Before Sean can do anything, though, Tiffany jumps on his back. Predictably, she makes a cock-up of this & ends up nearly slipping off a few times until it actually appears as though Sean is helping her stay on his back with his one free arm. Sean lets go of Jasmyne & begins trying to get Tiffany off his back as she scratches at his face. Coach O'Hare roughly grabs Tiffany & flings her to the ground. O'Hare berates Sean to stop thinking with his loins & orders him back in the ring.*

*As Sean re-enters, O'Hare begins chucking all manner of weaponry into the ring: tables, chairs, bins & whatnot. He even stacks up a few tables at ringside. Shane is still just getting to his feet, as is Liam when Sean gets back in the ring. Sean aims a punch at the groggy Liam. Liam absorbs the punch & shakes it off. Sean throws another blow. Liam gets to his feet. Sean hits another punch on Liam. Liam walks in a circle around Sean, shaking his arms. the crowd are going crazy. Sean goes for one more punch on Liam. Liam blocks it & points a finger squarely at Sean.*

"YOU!"

*Liam punches Sean three times, driving him back to the ropes. Mahavir enters the ring again. Liam & Mahavir each grab an arm of Sean & whip him to the opposite side of the ring. Both men each put a boot up & Sean runs right into them. Mahavir runs the ropes & hits a Leg Drop on Sean. This is followed immediately by Liam who hits the "Leg Drop of DOOM!". Shane gets back up. Liam & Mahavir, again, grab an arm each & aim for another double Big Boot. But Shane, having witnessed what happened to Sean, avoids colliding with the feet of his opponents & instead, clamps a Claw Hold on each of them. Before he can hoist either man up for a "Giant's Causeway" he gets another devastating kick to the groin. Before he can fall to the mat, Liam & Mahavir hit the ropes again & drill Shane with "Curry & 'Taters", much to the appreciation of the crowd.*

*Liam sets up another ladder, keeping an eye out for either of his fellow countrymen trying to stop him. Mahavir climbs the ladder as Liam stands guard. But Liam fails to notice Coach O'Hare sneaking in from the opposite side of the ring. O'Hare cracks Liam from behind with the Hurley & makes a beeline towards the ladder, climbing as quickly as he can after Mahavir. O'Hare manages to catch up to "The Bollywood Big Shot" who is mere inches from the briefcase. O'Hare places the Hurley around Mahavir's neck & performs a modified version of the "White Russian Leg Sweep" off the ladder. Both O'Hare & Mahavir go crashing to the mat below.*

*Sean is stirring. He uses the ropes to drag himself to his feet. He stumbles his way over to where the ladder lies & sets it up. Slowly, he begins to scale the ladder very carefully. He climbs higher & higher, getting ever closer to the briefcase. A barely mobile Liam manages to stand once again. As Sean gets a few rungs from the top of the ladder, the briefcase is only a few inches from his reach. With all his strength, Liam shoves the ladder over & Sean goes crashing to the floor. The crowd explodes!*

"HO~LY S***! HO~LY S***!"

*Liam tries to drag the ladder back into a position where he can climb it up to nab the briefcase. He sets the ladder up just underneath the briefcase, but his head is still too woozy from the Hurley shot to climb it. Liam succeeds only in slumping against the lowest rung. O'Hare props himself up with the Hurley, he glances around him. Shane is down nursing his head, Mahavir still lies on the mat holding his back, Sean lies out cold on the floor & Liam rests against the ladder. O'Hare tries to take advantage of the situation. Using the Hurley as a walking stick, he makes his way towards the ladder. Still clutching the Hurley, he climbs the ladder slowly & carefully. O'Hare reaches the top of the ladder & takes a smirking glance out at the crowd. The crowd pelt him with boos. Those boos suddenly turn to cheers to the slight confusion of O'Hare. He turns back to grab the briefcase & sees Liam O'Neill staring right in his face. Liam points a finger at O'Hare...*

"YOU!"

*O'Hare swings the Hurley at Liam. Liam, blocks the blow & grabs the Hurley from his former mentor's hands. As Liam fumbles with the Hurley, O'Hare makes a grab for the briefcase. Liam smacks O'Hare's hands with the Hurley. As O'Hare nurses his hands, Liam smacks O'Hare in the head with the Hurley & O'Hare goes crashing to the mat below. A smile crosses Liam's face as the audience cheers wildly! The smile on Liam's face grows & grows as he realizes just what he has done. After many months of abuse at the hands of his Coach, Liam has finally stood up to O'Hare. Liam raises his arms in the air in celebration. He's so joyous that he doesn't notice Shane Malone climbing the ladder behind him. Shane clamps a Full Nelson on Liam. Liam's expression changes to one of alarm. Shane hefts Liam back overhead & takes him to the mat below with a "Dragon Slayer" as the ladder goes crashing down as well.*

*All four wrestlers are down, as is Coach O'Hare. Jasmyne climbs into the ring & checks on Mahavir. Mahavir instantly springs to his feet & does a little shimmy. Outside the ring, Sean McCann is beginning to stir slightly, yet is still aching from going crashing through the tables. He picks up one of the ladders leaning against the security rail. He sets it up so it forms a bridge from the ring apron to the security rail. Using the ladder as a handrail, Sean makes his way back into the ring. He drags himself back in & heads directly for Mahavir. Mahavir dodges Sean's attempted dropkick & just as "The Don Juan of Donegal" gets to his feet again, Mahavir tosses a chair at him. Sean is quick enough to catch the chair but before he can congratulate himself too much, Mahavir hits him with a version of the Van Daminator by dropkicking the chair into his face. His face bloodied, Sean stumbles around in a circle for a moment before Jasmyne gives him a "Personal Close-Up". After about 30 seconds, Sean's head emerges from Jasmyne's enormous boobs with a huge smile plastered across it. Sean then performs a Ric Flair style flop right on to his nose as the crowd gives a chuckle. Mahavir resumes his dance with Jasmyne in a celebratory fashion, but he gets clobbered from behind when Shane Malone hits him with a Rabbit Clothesline. Jasmyne swiftly moves to exit the ring as Shane continues his attack on Mahavir. Shane picks up the chair that Mahavir earlier used on Sean. Malone digs the chair into Mahavir's ribs repeatedly. Shane stands over Mahavir & holds the chair aloft. Suddenly, Shane is beset by Liam O'Neill. Liam manages to wrangle Shane into a Crossface Chickenwing. Shane, in an attempt to break the hold, hefts Liam onto his back & runs back-first towards the turnbuckles, crushing Liam. Liam maintains his grip. Shane tries again running to the opposite side of the ring & smashing Liam into the turnbuckles once more. Again, Liam holds on. A very groggy Shane prepares to head back to the corner he first visited, albeit with considerably less steam than he previously exhibited. Shane is struggling to take the necessary steps to reach the corner as Liam persists with his hold. Liam, himself is beginning to tire. Shane eventually falls backwards landing right on top of Liam. Shane gets back to his feet & takes a moment to regain his breath. He doesn't have long as Mahavir whips him towards the ropes. On the rebound, Mahavir lifts Shane as if to go for an inverted Atomic Drop. But while he holds Shane up for a brief moment, Mahavir turns his back to Shane & drills him with a Mule Kick to the nether regions. Before Shane can even fall over, Mahavir attacks him with a Leg Lariat.*

*A bloody Sean McCann is getting back to his feet, still looking very pleased after Jasmyne smothered him with her boobs. Sean tosses Mahavir outside the ring & follows up quickly with a springboard Shooting Star Press to the outside. Sean crashes right on top of Mahavir. McCann drags Mahavir back to his feet by the hair & whips him in the direction of the ladder he set up earlier. Mahavir hits the ladder head-first & is already bleeding from the impact. Sean picks the now-bloody Mahavir up & manages to set his opponent lying flat out on the ladder he earlier set between the ring & security rail. Sean punches Mahavir a few times & then rolls back inside the ring. Sean scales the nearest set of turnbuckles & makes a 'roll-over' motion with his hands. He launches himself backwards & lands a "Dublin Stomp" on Mahavir that sends both men crashing through the ladder. The crowd explodes with another chant.*

"HO~LY S***! HO~LY S***!"

*Shane is beginning to regain his composure back in the ring. He picks up one of the ladders lying on the mat. He's so tired he can barely manage to keep his balance when he lifts it. He rests the ladder in a corner & takes a moment to regain his composure. He doesn't have too long as Liam clubs him from behind & bashes Shane's head against the ladder. A small cut is opened on Shane's forehead as a result. Shane turns right around & floors Liam with a single hard punch to the jaw. Liam is down; Shane shakes his hand, evidently the punch took it's toll on him too. He hefts Liam up so that Liam is facing away from Shane. He locks a Full Nelson on Liam. Liam, though a little dazed, realizes what is happening & tries his utmost to fight back. He blocks Shane's attempt to toss him back overhead by tying his own legs up with those of "The Celtic Giant". Shane tries again & Liam blocks a second time. Shane knees Liam in the small of his back before successfully executing a "Dragon Slayer" smashing Liam's face against the ladder. Liam lies face down in his own blood, barely moving. Shane still isn't in much of a position to do anything.*

*Sean is slowly getting up again on the outside. His face is a bloody mess. He crawls along the floor & reaches out to the ring apron. He claws at the apron & uses it to drag himself back into the ring. Shane sits recuperating in the corner. He hands Sean the ladder he smashed Liam against. Sean struggles with the ladder as he tries to set it upright. Sean's blood is dripping onto the mat. He positions the ladder just right, wipes the blood from his eyes & very slowly, very carefully begins to climb. Mahavir is beginning to get up outside the ring; like Sean a few moments ago, he's clawing at the ring apron in an attempt to enter the ring. Shane still hasn't shifted from his position & Liam is barely managing a twitch. It looks as though there's nobody to thwart Sean's climb to the top. He continues to climb up very gingerly. He reaches the top & casts a cocky smirk out to the audience as he stretches up for the briefcase. It's then that he hears a sharp whistle form outside the ring. Jasmyne & Tiffany are waving at Sean. Like an idiot, Sean glances around him then points to himself mouthing the word "Me?". Jasmyne nods. Jasmyne grabs Tiffany & pulls her in close. Tiffany giggles nervously. Jasmyne plants a passionate kiss on Tiffany as the horny males in the audience whoop & holler like the audience at a "Married... With Children" taping. Sean, being a horny male himself, cannot afford to turn away from the spectacle presented to him. He dares not close his eyes, not even for a second as he watches the girl-on-girl action unfold. O'Hare is yelling at Sean to grab the case... But Sean's mind is as far from the match as it can possibly be, not that he could hear the Coach above all the cheering anyway. Sean would've been wise to heed the Coach. As he stands watching Jasmyne run her hands over Tiffany's body, Mahavir pushes the ladder over. It's only when he's moments from crashing on the outside that Sean realizes what has transpired. He quickly regains his senses. Evidently not quick enough as he still lands outside the ring. Tiffany & Jasmyne's make-out session continues. Mahavir gestures to the girls outside the ring with a broad grin.*

"Like what you see... yes?"

*Tiffany suddenly disengages from Jasmyne, realizing that she let herself get a bit too carried away with this particular method of distraction. However, Tiff still has a bit of an awkward smile on her face. Jasmyne has rarely looked happier. The crowd continues to whoop & cheer for the girls as Mahavir places the ladder he just shoved Sean off into position under the briefcase. He is about to climb up when Shane Malone clobbers him from behind. Shane picks Mahavir up into a Torture Rack & cranks on him with as much pressure as he can. Mahavir can be heard yelling in pain as Jasmyne & Tiffany look on in terror. The crowd begin a steady chant.*

"LI~AM! LI~AM!"

*O'Neill remains unresponsive. Tiffany & Jasmyne stand at the ring apron, slapping their hands on the mat. The audience begins clapping & stamping their feet in unison. Liam slowly begins twitching, still lying face down. His feet begin kicking against the mat. His hand forms a fist & begins pounding the mat. Liam presses himself up to a kneeling position & begins to stand again. Shane releases Mahavir from the Torture Rack & goes after Liam. He, foolishly, punches Ireland's #1 Hulk Hogan impersonator in the face. Liam shakes it off. Shane goes for another & once again Liam simply absorbs the punch. Liam gets back to his feet & he begins shaking his arms while wandering around Shane in a circle. the crowd are going crazy. They are on their feet for what will happen next. Shane throws another punch at Liam. Liam blocks it & points a finger at Shane.*

"YOU!"

*Liam hits Shane with three punches, backing him up to the ropes. Liam calls over Mahavir, who is still nursing his back & ribs from the Torture Rack. The two men grab one of Shane's arms each & whip him towards the ropes on the opposite side. Unlike before, Shane is too groggy to avoid the attack this time as Mahavir & Liam hit Shane with a double Big Boot. As Shane lies on the mat Liam claps his hands, he points towards Shane. The audience begin cheering; Liam cups his hand to his ear leaning to one side of the ring. he cups an ear to another side of the ring, then another & another... Mahavir hits the ropes first & successfully lands the Leg Drop on Shane. Liam follows shortly after with the "Leg Drop of DOOM!". The audience are going crazy. Liam & Mahavir high-five eachother & make a move to retrieve the briefcase. Liam rolls Shane out of the ring then stands guard as Mahavir makes the trek up the ladder. Sean McCann re-enters the ring trying his best to avoid looking in the direction of Jasmyne & Tiffany. Sean climbs one of the nearest ring-posts. As Sean gets to the top, Liam spots him. Liam heads straight for Sean, aiming to toss him off. But Sean jumps from the top turnbuckle & hits a Mule Kick to the back of Liam's head. Liam hits the turnbuckle face first & Sean quickly makes his way to the ladder climbing it as fast as he can, safety be damned! Due to his superior speed, Sean soon reaches the top just as Mahavir has his hands on the briefcase. Sean punches Mahavir right in the jaw. Mahavir tries his best to keep his balance. Sean rocks him with another. Mahavir fights back & clocks Sean with a big left. Sean reels from it. Mahavir climbs the ladder a little more & places Sean in a Powerbomb position. Mahavir lifts Sean up high & drops him down his back with a "Guru Bomb"! The two men go crashing down to the ring & the ladder collapses on top of them. The crowd goes buck mental again!*

"HO~LY S***! HO~LY S***!"

*Sean & Mahavir lie in a heap on the mat. Liam is slumped bleeding in the corner. Shane is beginning to re-enter the ring. It's all Shane can manage to get back in to the ring. All four men are lying in the ring unable to move. Shane crawls towards a corner & tries to haul himself up with the ropes. He is able to get back to a standing position, but not much more. O'Hare pops up to the corner Shane is leaning in & he squirts a bottle of water in Shane's face. He takes out a small towel & uses it to mop Shane's head. O'Hare seems to be giving Malone some instructions. Jasmyne & Tiffany stand at the ring apron behind O'Hare. O'Hare pats Shane on the shoulder & Shane walks back to the centre of the ring. O'Hare dismounts the apron & Jasmyne & Tiffany nail him with a double Low Blow. O'Hare falls to the floor assuming the fetal position.*

"OW! My Groin!"

*Shane, meanwhile, is undeterred. He takes the ladder off Sean & Mahavir & sets it up underneath the briefcase. Shane begins making his first attempt to climb the ladder & retrieve the briefcase for his team. Before he can get very far. Mahavir is clutching at Shane's leg. Shane kicks him off & continues the climb. Shane gets closer & closer to the top. It seems he's going to make it. He gets within arm's reach of the briefcase & reaches out to grab it. His grasp is halted when a certain gloved hand reaches out & stops his own. Shane sees that Liam, bloody & bruised is directly facing him on the ladder. Shane takes a swing at Liam. O'Neill blocks it & instead, rocks Malone with an uppercut. Liam grabs a hold of the groggy Shane's legs. Liam climbs up higher on the ladder. He's dangling Shane upside-down by his ankles. Malone looks around fearfully. Liam twists Shane's legs around into a Texas Cloverleaf position. Liam then locks his own legs over Shane's arms & rocks backwards. Liam has Shane caught in an "Irish Shamrock-Leaf" on top of the ladder. Malone roars in pain as the top of the ladder digs into his back. Liam shows no sign of letting go of the hold. O'Hare is incapacitated on the outside & Sean is just barely coming to his senses. There's nobody Shane can rely on for help. He's completely trapped. However, Liam realizes that the match cannot be won by submission & he releases the hold. Shane drops to the mat below & Liam carefully scales the rest of the way up the ladder. As he reaches the top he has his finger-tips on the briefcase. Shane is stirring at the very foot of the ladder. He drags himself up by the legs of the ladder & leans all his weight against it sending the ladder tipping over & Liam to the mat below. Shane tries to set the ladder up underneath the briefcase once more when Mahavir clubs him on the back. Sean drags Mahavir off Shane & whips him to a corner. Sean rests a hand on Shane's shoulder & whispers something to the big man. Sean takes the ladder & slips outside the ring, setting it up outside the ring-post he just whipped Mahavir too. Mahavir lies slumped in the corner. Shane picks "The Bollywood Big Shot" up on his shoulders in the "Electric Chair" position & begins to climb the turnbuckles with Mahavir on his shoulders. Sean has climbed the ladder on the outside he waits for Shane to reach the top rope. As soon as Shane does, Sean grabs a hold of Mahavir's head. Sean makes a quick "cut-throat" gesture & launches himself backwards off the ladder. Shane leans backwards & the two men drive Mahavir to the mat with a Super "Electric Bread Slicer"!*

"HO~LY S***! HO~LY S***!"

*None of the three are moving much, Sean is barely moving his feet about & Shane is twitching slightly. Liam is beginning to climb back into the ring from the opposite side. Noticing that the ring is absent of any climbing equipment, Liam heads outside to obtain a ladder. He begins sliding one in between the second & third ropes. Coach O'Hare, still hurting from that shot to the nuts enters the ring & begins trying to wrestle the ladder away from Liam. Liam lets go of the ladder for moment & O'Hare continues to drag it in through the ropes. Liam hops onto the ring apron & runs along it before jumping off & hitting the end of the ladder. The other end see-saws up cracking O'Hare in the face. The Coach is knocked down yet again. Liam shoves the ladder on into the ring & tries to set it up. Meanwhile, Sean has re-entered the ring from the opposite end with a ladder of his own. Both men are setting up their ladders side-by-side. Liam is climbing up one side of his ladder & Sean is climbing the opposite side on his. Sean just manages to reach the top before Liam & he is trying to unhook the case, Liam gets to the top & punches Sean in the stomach before he can take the case down. The two men begin duking it out atop the ladders. Liam manages to land a punch squarely on Sean's jaw. With Sean reeling slightly, Liam shoves Sean's ladder right over. Sean goes flying & lands crotching himself on the top rope! Tiffany & Jasmyne leap to the ring apron & shake the rope up & down as fast & hard as they can both manage. The expression on Sean's face turns to one of absolute agony. Jasmyne gives Sean a final hard kick to the side of the head, knocking him down to the floor.*

*Liam is reaching up for the briefcase now. He has his hands on & is preparing to unhook it. Shane is back up on his feet. He takes the ladder out from underneath Liam. Liam dangles from the apparatus that suspends the briefcase from the ceiling. Shane carries the ladder back to a corner, then hoists it up on to his right shoulder. He launches the ladder as though it were a javelin. The top of it strikes Liam in the ribs! Liam crashes right down to the mat & rolls out. Shane is exhausted after such a feat, the fact that he's lost alot of blood doesn't help either. Shane falls back into the corner regaining a bit of breath. He props himself up against the top ropes. He's about to make another run for the titles when Jasmyne leaps up to the corner & holds a chair infront of Shane's face from the outside. He is unable to see Mahavir Abha running at him form the opposite corner. Mahavir charges & hits a "Maha-Kick" to Shane, kicking the chair into his face! Shane rolls out to the floor. Mahavir turns around to see O'Hare running at him with the Hurley. Mahavir ducks just as O'Hare takes a swing. O'Hare spins around 180 degrees. With O'Hare's back turned, Mahavir grabs O'Hare & tosses him right over head with a German (Indian?) Suplex. Mahavir takes a look around. All the other competitors have been wiped out. He calls Jasmyne into the ring & the pair do a sexy dance as some Bollywood music plays over the Toomitron speakers. Jasmyne calls a slightly hesitant Tiffany into the ring to participate as well. All three women dance as Mahavir gestures to them, mouthing his trademark catchphrase...*

"Like What You See, Yes?"

*At this he is clocked from behind by Sean McCann. Sean's face is a crimson mask of rage. He grabs both Tiffany & Jasmyne by their long hair. The look of absolute anger on his face is enough to make small children cower in fear. Working together, Jasmyne & Tiffany kick Sean in the gut. He doubles over & both women, in tandem, dump him out of the ring over the top rope. Mahavir has recovered, he applauds Tiff & Jasmyne as the crowd cheers them on. Mahavir picks up the ladder & sets it up beneath the briefcase. His climb is slow, but steady. He's lost alot of blood since Sean threw him into a ladder earlier in the match. He climbs to the very top, unimpeded. He reaches out for the case. He hears a yelling from the floor below; it's Liam. Liam is cheering on his own team-mate. Mahavir looks slightly reluctant to get the case down. Liam is yelling for Mahavir to take it down, practically begging him. Mahavir has his hands on the case, but he lets go of it again. Liam looks at him with utter disbelief. Mahavir turns to face Liam, it looks as though he's about to say something. But then Sean McCann enters the ring again. He tips Mahavir's ladder over & "The Bollywood Big Shot" goes crashing through the tables O'Hare had set up earlier. Tiffany & Jasmyne run out to check on Mahavir. Liam is about to run into the ring & get the case for himself, but he's nabbed from behind by Shane Malone. "The Celtic Giant" holds Liam back from the ring, as Sean McCann carefully climbs the ladder. Liam struggles to break free of Malone's grasp. He elbows Shane in the face & makes a last desperate dash towards the ring. Sean has made it to the top of the ladder, he grabs onto the briefcase. Liam slides into the ring just as Sean removes the case from the ceiling hook!*

DING-DING-DING!!!

"T.G.": Here are your winners... TEAM IRELAND!!!

*Liam drops down to his knees in despair as the music of the Dropkick Murphys starts playing again. Sean triumphantly holds the briefcase aloft. Liam retreats to a corner where he sits hugging his knees & burying his head. His secret will soon be revealed to Team Ireland, EWT & the rest of the world. Sean drops off the ladder. O'Hare grabs Sean in a tight embrace & holds the case up himself. O'Hare is ecstatic. He can hardly stop laughing. O'Hare points & yells at Liam while brandishing the briefcase. Liam pays no attention to him. O'Hare walks to where Liam sits in the corner. Liam makes no move to retreat or to confront O'Hare. O'Hare gets ready to smash Liam in the head with the briefcase, then decides that Liam is already a pathetic enough figure & decides to just leave. Malone joins O'Hare & McCann in the ring for a celebratory hug & a slight bit of gloating. On their way up the ramp, Team Ireland pass Mahavir. Tiffany & Jasmyne are helping him up out of the pile of splintered wood. Mahavir is moving very stiffly. O'Hare taunts him with the briefcase before the Irish trio head on to the back to celebrate.*

*Tiffany & Jasmyne help Mahavir get into the ring. He makes his way over to Liam sitting in the corner. Mahavir kneels down, he speaks some inaudible words to Liam. Liam glances up. He drags himself back standing. He walks silently out of the ring, not looking at Mahavir, Jasmyne or Tiffany & marches right on to the back.*

[Toom E. Guci]

We cut to the ring, as we see things getting set up for something, the crowd looking a bit confused, until we see a Mariachi band trot out from the back, as they start laying their rendition of Direction Perfection by Dragonforce, as the crowd boos loudly, then watching as a familiar face appearing from out of the ToomiTron, Chance Confidence, standing atop what looks like a donkey, which has been dyed silver apparently, the man also wearing what can only be described as a blinged out sombrero, the crowd not all appreciating this... this spectacle, as they boo loudly. We cut back to the ring, seeing it being set up for the show known only as Chance Time.

Announcer: *reading from a card* Ladies and gentlemen... please welcome former EWT Champion and greatest living being in the known universe, the one... the only... Chance Confidence.

Chance grins, waving to his adoring public, as we see his Platinum Punisher waiting in tow, leading the animal his employer is atop of on some sort of leash, as they finally stop in front of the ring, Chance hopping off the creature's back, landing on the apron, then grabbing his hat, tossing it into the ring, quickly flipping inside, wearing an emerald green and white striped tuxedo, with a shiny red undershirt and matching tinted shades, as he walks over, sitting on a black leather couch, lounging back comfortably, as he looks to the announcer, shooing him away from the ring, who seems happy to comply. Chance reaches into his pants pocket, pulling out a headset microphone, strapping it on his head quickly.

Chance: WELCOME... to the first ever LATINO edition of Chance Time! Or as you folks would say... Usted es todas ratas mugrientas!

The crowd seems offended for some reason, as Chance gives a rather confused look, reaching into his pockets and pulling out a Spanish to English Dictionary.

Chance: ... Well that was a peso well spent.

He tosses the book over his shoulder, before clearing his throat.

Chance: That's okay though... because I brought with me a special translator, who will be happy to dumb down my glorious word, into a more common language you peons can understand.

The crowd looks towards the Toomitron, but hear nothing, as instead a very familiar face to the EWT walks out, dressed in a bowler hat and suit, as they immediately begin booing, as it's none other than... Pat "The Jaguar" Andrews. He walks out to the ring, climbing up the steps, quickly entering the ring and shaking Chance's hand, who gives a sort of half hearted one in return.

Pat: I say, it's good to be here once again in the EWT. I mean, it's true I left last time due to... well.

Chance: Alright fine. I'll PAY you this time.

Pat: Quite good! Now then... do continue old chap.

Chance: Yeah... stick to translating.

Pat: Jolly good idea!

Pat walks off to the side, now wielding a microphone, as Chance looks back to the crowd.

Chance: Now then, let's get back to business. Originally, I planned to bring in someone you people we're actually related to, the great El Unorigino!

The crowd cheers at the mention of this familiar name, even if some of them can't understand.

Chance: But... I couldn't find him. Eh, no skin off my flawless looking nose. Instead, I found a guy who seems to be trying to make a name for himself here in EWT... even if that name is worth dirt compared to my own.

Pat: I am better than you all!

Chance: He's a former... boxer or something, I don't know. I can't stand that stupid sport... honestly, if I had to reduce my entire arsenal to fists, that would be rather dull.

Pat: I have more money than every last one of you!

Chance: Swine and sows, please welcome my guest for tonight... former amateur boxer and current member of the EWT Roster... Sammy Stardust!

Pat: I smell better than you as well!

Gold tinted images of The Strip in Las Vegas flash across the Toomitron with images casinos, hotels, chapels and various resorts as the big band sound of Westlife performing Ain't That A Kick In The Head. The curtains from the entrance part as Sammy Stardust slides out, dressed in a standard tuxedo with the top button and bowtie undone.

Chance claps half heartedly, as Stardust enters the ring, as Chance reaches out, giving a very limp handshake, which offends Stardust.

Chance: Hello there peasant... and welcome to my glorious show, that I call CHANCE TIME!

Pat: I own approximately one thousand different cars!

Stardust: I'm usually not one for taking chances, but it's good to be here.

Chance: Let's go ahead and get down to business. Just have a seat on this obscenely expensive couch of mine. Enjoy this brief time of comfort, since after this, you'll obviously have to return to your own... rather meager existence.

Pat: One ounce of my meals costs more than everything you'll eat in a lifetime!

Stardust: Well, what can I say besides that what I got, I got honest. This is a nice set, though. I mean it's all dressing, really. In the end a couch is just a couch, but this is a nice one.

Stardust backs up to the couch and carefully sits down. He pats the cushioning and leans back, kicking right leg up over his left knee. Chance smirks, walking over and sitting in his own even more comfortable and obscenely expensive recliner, as he lounges back in it rather comfortably.

Chance: Now then, the first thing I'd like to ask you is... how exactly did you become a Gowen?

Pat: Praise me like your god!

Stardust: It was back in November of 2002. I was celebrating my thirteenth win, a third round knockout over a cat by the name of Víctor "Víboro" Bocanegra. My promoter had wheeled and dealed to get a Ferrari so I could celebrate in style. Anyway, I was riding shotgun as we ere speeding down The Five Fifteen having gotten back from Beatty and were heading up to Sunset, when a tractor trailer cut into our lane to make up some time and we were, unfortunately, in his blind spot. The driver was going cross country with his wife, had admittedly lied on paperwork and was driving more hours than he should have and running on fumes from caffeine pills. Now, fate put me on that side of the car and I lost my right arm and broke three ribs. To be honest, it was a miracle I survived.

Chance yawns, as he listens to this absolutely rivetting tale, covering his mouth a bit.

Chance: Oh I see. Well personally, I figured it was because you tried to stick it up inside one of those vending machines. Those things are quite nasty you know.

Pat: Everyday, I think of how much greater I am then you!

Stardust: That's a good one, I'll have to remember that. Usually I tell anyone I don't know who has the nerve to ask that I lost it fixing a lawn mower or in an arm wrestling match.

Chance: Now then, since we're dying to know... exactly why did Sammy Stardust decide to show up in the EWT? Was it because the local freak show already had a human slot machine?

Pat: Kneel before me peons!

Stardust: You know, you've got some nerve. Then again, I didn't expect this to be PC, so I guess I can deal with that. There was some news in the Vegas papers about the accident, a brief bit on CNN about it a few weeks later, I guess it was a slow news day, as not even ESPN called me up about it. Anyway, after that I had sorta dug myself into a hole from the pain medication and alcohol, which don't mix, and was just in an all around bad place. My coach and promoter got together and decided I needed to do whatever I could to get back in shape and back competing in whatever form I felt comfortable doing. The boxing and wrestling commissions are sorta hand in hand and word got around and I was offered training and I did a few spot shows.

Chance: So let's see... ever since you've come into the EWT, well... I gotta be honest, as I always am.

Pat: I am the epitome of excellence!

Stardust glances over at Pat with a slightly agitated look before shaking his head.

Chance: Interesting tale there... moving along. You seem to have been... having a bit of trouble racking up wins since you've come to the EWT. I mean, let's see... you beat the Goldust Impressionist... and that's about it. However, on the losing side of things, you've been beaten by that guy with the hideous woman, you had a no contest against the wrestling golfer, and hell, I remember dealing with you myself in that... that match where a certain someone... did something. That's beside the point though.

Pat: Everything I do is great!

Stardust: Well, there's been a lot of trial by error on my part. I'll be the first to admit that. I've been told I'm my own harshest critic. On the flipside of the coin, I'm only now approaching my first year of competing and even then, comparing the number of matches I've had to the guys who trained me did in their first years, it doesn't come close. I'll also add that I did watch shows on occassion, especially when I was younger, but I wasn't a diehard fan. Boxing was my passion. Then there's the moves. I mean, I've sat and had conversations with those about boxing where I had to explain different punches, different combinations, etc. But comparing that to wrestling, there's only so much you can do with two fists. In wrestling, there's so much more you can do to your opponent, you can go for the knockout, submission, surprise them with a pinfall, it's endless. Even with one less arm limiting the moves I can do or my opponent can do to me, it's still something that's going to take me a while to get close to mastering it, if that's even at all possible. Plus, I have to find ways to work around my limitations. In the end though, you just gotta roll with the punches.

Chance: Oh... I see. So in other words, you seem to be nothing more than an over hyped, under skilled, chump of a boxer, who I tower over, and could squish between my thumbs.

Pat: LOSER!

Stardust: What? Excuse me, pal, but... look, I haven't hyped myself up at all. That's the last thing I want on my shoulders or in my head to deal with. I don't need that and I don't want that. Now you wanna get cocky and talk about how you can squash or squish me, well... I'm right here. We can see if your tune changes when you're explaining to It's Pat over there and all these fans about how you got your knocked out by a guy with one arm.

Chance: Whoa... calm down kid. Don't make me call my personal security team.

Chance points to the outside, where we see the Platinum Punisher standing, cracking his knuckles, as he simply stares into the ring. Sammy however, doesn't seem scared.

Stardust: You think I fear that big boy? Dude looks so slow I could tell him what I was gonna do to him with before I did it and he still couldn't do nothing about it. As for you, there's a word on the streets for cats like you and it rhymes with Howard.

Chance's eyes go wide, as he gets rather angry from these remarks.

Chance: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A COWARD!

Pat: You have a deathwish don't you?!

Stardust: How dare I? Do I have a? ...Is there an echo in this arena? If you wanna ask questions, that's cool. If you wanna act better than I am, that's cool too. But if you wanna sit here and talk trash and expect me to sit back, that's another thing. There's also something I should probably tell you about myself... I don't fear any man, mineral, animal or vegetable. If a twenty ton tractor trailer couldn't take me out, what makes you think you've got what it takes?

Chance is getting even more angry, as his face turns red, the young man standing up from his seat now, walking up and getting right in Stardust's face.

Stardust: You seem to be moving a little light in the loafers. I guess without those ten pounds of gold around your waist anymore, you've gotten a skip in your step. Then again, I'd figured the weight would be on your shoulders seeing how you've realized you were the worst EWT champion in the entire four years history and don't stand a snowball's chance, excuse the pun, in hell of winning the belt back.

Chance: You ill mannered little punk... I oughta clobber you!

Pat: I'll knock you the F out!

Stardust: Pat, you'd probably bruise your knuckles punching the wind. And chance you know, I didn't wanna hurt your feelings, but your talk is getting about as cheap as this knockoff imitation leather, pleather sofa.

Chance: You know what kid... I don't like your mouth. You do not talk to an EWT deity like that! I am the greatest wrestler in this entire company... and everyone should thank their lucky stars that a certain... someone... interfered and ruined my glorious reign before it even started! I should be in the main event tonight, defending against either one of those two punks, but no... I wasn't even booked on the card! A former EWT Champion... left off of a Crapmania?! That, my friend... is an injustice to these peasants, because it denies them the chance to see my glorious self in action, astounding them with my superior skill and ability...

Stardust: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Shut up and open your ears for once. You think you really matter all that much? You really think you're the shining star in a sea of crap-colored water? Take a look around. This building is jam-packed with fans literally hanging off the rafters to see this show. A show that you weren't even announced to appear on. Hell, I'll openly admit I'm in the same boat. I'm just not egotistical enough to believe I'm something other than what I am. The show goes on, man.

Chance starts to back off now, as he takes a deep breath, wiping his face, which is starting to sweat a little, as he flips back his pony tail styled hair, as he lowers those red shades of his.

Stardust: Don't take this the wrong way, but you seriously need to get your head out of your own butt... and Pat's nose while you're at it.

Chance has had enough... ripping off his tuxedo jacket, as he puts up his dukes, getting into a rather poor boxing stance.

Chance: Okay that's it... NOBODY COMES ON MY SHOW AND INSULTS ME! Get off your arse you piece of one armed garbage!

Stardust pushes himself out of the sofa and steps right up to Chance, face to face, nose to nose.

Stardust: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but nobody cares what you have to say.

Chance: You know what... I bet I can knock that stupid smirk off that hideous face of your's with one good haymaker. C'mon Sammy... I dare you to let my divine hand strike your glass jaw!

Stardust eyes up Chance and takes a step back. Stardust rolls his neck a bit and then points to his chin, he tenses up and shakes his head approvingly.

Stardust: C'mon.

Chance rears back, aiming a vicious right to Stardust's jaw, the boxer leaning in and taking it head on, sending him stumbling back slightly, as Chance turns around towards the audience and grins, holding up his fist in triumph, then feeling someone tapping him on the shoulder, as he turns around, to see Stardust barely fazed, rubbing his chin slightly.

Stardust: I guess this is the part where I challenge you and you back down. Just realize in doing so, you'll reaffirm what you've been denying all along. That being that you are, in fact, a coward.

A "COWARD" chant breaks out as Chance looks around the arena, glaring at the crowd.

Chance: Hmmmph... go right ahead you fool. There's no way that common fist of your's can even blemish my glorious facial...

Chance is immediately interrupted, as Stardust delivers a vicious punch, hitting Chance hard right in the jaw, as he drops like a sack of concrete to the mat, completely knocked out. Stardust looks down, as the crowd gives a hug pop, now chanting Stardust's name, as Pat runs over, looking on in horror, as he checks on the condition of his employer. Chance however, shows no signs of movement, as Stardust holds his arm in triumph, the cheers even louder now, as he walks over, grabbing his microphone.

Stardust: Ladies and gentlemen...

Stardust glances down at the downed Chance before continuing.

Stardust: We seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties, but be sure to stay tune for next week at the same Chance Time, same Chance Channel... same old, same old.

Ain't That A Kick In The Head by Westlife picks up as Sammy Stardust heads to the turnbuckle and pumps his fist into the air, staring out at the crowd with a sly smile on his face. Stardust then hops down and heads to the back, high fiving the ringside fans on his way out. Chance meanwhile continues to lie motionlessly on the mat, eyes seemingly glazed over, as Pat demands that somebody come out and help him, a few EMTs running out, slipping into the ring, checking Chance's vital signs, which seem to be okay. The EMTs try to revive the arrogant one, as the crowd chants loudly in the background "You got Knocked out!" Eventually, Chance's limp body is carried out of the ring, as we quickly cut to a video package for the next match.

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is the Escalator To Heaven match!"

The sold out crowd from Mexico city give an enormous reception. Inside of the ring is fully functioning escalator, perpetually moving upwards. Dangling from the ceiling is a briefcase..

Announcer: "The first man to scale the escalator and retrieve the briefcase will be declared the winner! The winner will then be named the NUMBER ONE contender for the title of their choosing! Introducing first.."

Blue mist begins to rise and a mass of pyro explodes, signaling the arrival of Maelstrom. The crowd pops loudly while "Apocalypse Please" begins to play, the aquatic titan making the long walk towards the ring..

Announcer: "Introducing first, from the Aquarium, weighing in at around 294lbs…this is Maelstrom!"

Jim Ross: "The giant Maelstrom, a former World Heavyweight Champion. I'd say he's got more than a good chance to win this one, tons of experience, and a win here will grant him a title shot at whichever belt he so chooses.."

Joey Styles: "It should also be noted that Maelstrom has an astounding record in ladder matches. And while this is significantly different, the basic principals still apply!"

The strains of "I Think I Can" by The Pillows is soon heard..

Announcer: "From Steven's Point, Wisconsin..weighing in at 223lbs..Brian Gold!"

Jim Ross: "Newcomer Brian Gold, good friend of World Champion Dave Davies, quite the opportunity for this young man!"

Brian is shown dancing his way to the ring, garnering a favorable reaction from the audience, but not Maelstrom who appears focused, if not mostly un amused

Styles: "Well, Mr.Gold is a free spirit and he likes to have fun..if he can have fun in this type of environment, he may need his head examined! But the man does practice Muay Thai and Wing Chun, so he is not to be underestimated!"

Announcer: "From Cash Mountain..representing Minipax..weighing in at 262lbs.."The Killionare", Richard Clay!"

"No One Knows" by Queens Of The Stone Age is playing as Richard Clay makes his arrival on the scene, his purple vest looking even more sparkly than usual. And why not, it's a special occasion. Maelstrom eyes darken upon Clay as he heads down the aisle, after their last encounter

Ross: "Richard Clay will be going for his opportunity for singles gold in this one. Once having held the defunct stables championship. I don't think Maelstrom has forgotten their last match.."

Styles: "And he'll have some back up.."

Announcer: "From Calgary, Alberta Canada..weighing in at 215lbs..representing MiniPax..Christopher Indigo!"

Clay waits in the middle section of the aisle as "Hybrid Stigmata" plays and Christopher Indigo makes his appearance. The masses boo as the pair knock knuckles with one another and slide into the ring together..

Ross: "Of course, being a part of the same group gives these two an advantage but how long can they co-exist when such a huge prize is on the line?"

"The opening guitar work of "You Lied" by Peach begins to play, causing the audience to continue their booing..

Announcer: "Introducing next..weighing in at 230lbs..Ghost Face!"

Ross: "A very disturbing, complex individual to say the least."

Styles: "After a near death experience, Ghost Face has returned with the intent on forcing those he has deemed "ungrateful" for the lives they've been given to appreciate them. ..In the most brutal ways possible.."

Ghost Face pays no mind to the others gathered in the ring, striking his pose on the middle turnbuckle before perching himself on the top one. With his pale dreadlocks hanging in front of his face, it's impossible to determine what's going on in his head..

Announcer: "Introducing next..he is The Captain of Team Ireland..from Dublin, Ireland..weighing in at 214lbs..Aidan Donnelly!"

Donnelly makes his way onto the ramp with Coach 'O Hare in tow. 'O Hare shouts some words of encouragement to Aidan to get him hyped and ready, while Donnelly himself looks extremely focused. 'O Hare vanishes back behind the curtain while "The Rocky Road To Dublin" blares over the speakers. Aidan climbs into the ring and tosses his fists skywards, as the ring begins to fill up with competitors..

Ross: "A former tag team champion, the always impressive Aidan Donnelly.."

Styles: "You have to wonder what 'O Hare's final words of encouragement were?"

Ross: "Win one for Ireland?"

"This Ain't A Scene" begins to play as our final participant is about to be announced.."

Announcer: "And finally..from Preston England..weighing in at 290lbs..Andy "The Eagle" Davidson!"

Davidson makes his arrival to a serviceable pop, full of intensity, as per usual. He proves this by actually sprinting down to the ring, sliding his way right in via the bottom rope..

Ross: "Another big man, this youngster has a tremendous upside!"

Styles: "He also has yet to taste gold here in EWT, which means he has to be putting his entire heart and soul into this one!"

As all of the competitors are now in the ring, they each stare towards the escalator and the prize dangling above it. Except for Ghost Face who seemingly still hasn't made a single movement. The bell rings and the combatants begin to go at it. Clay and Indigo rush Maelstrom, attacking with a two on one force. Gold and Donnelly do the same, attacking the much larger Andy Davidson with punches and kicks. While Ghost Face seems to have vanished from the ring all together.

Maelstrom, still stinging from his loss at the hands of Minipax, overpowers both Clay and Indigo and Clotheslines them both over the top rope to the outside. Likewise, Davidson does the same with his much smaller adversaries, overcoming the double team and Clotheslining Gold and Donnelly out of the ring. Maelstrom and "The Eagle" soon turn to face one another..

Styles: "The two largest men in this match are having a stare down!"

Ross: "Both men stand a towering 6'8''

Both men stare at each other for a moment longer before Andy Davidson runs the ropes and attempts a Shoulder Charge. Maelstrom doesn't move an inch. Maelstrom bounces off the ropes and tries the same move to the same result: Davidson isn't moved. Davidson decides to run the ropes once more and goes for a Clothesline but Maelstrom ducks, and absolutely drills Davidson with a Big Boot that flattens him! Maelstrom turns his attention away from Andy and to the prize up above..just in time to be nailed with a chair shot from Ghost Face that sounds like a gun shot going off! Maelstrom drops, clutching his forehead

Styles: "HOLY!"

Ross: "A despicable move but that's far from the depths these men will go to win that contract!"

Christopher Indigo slides back into the ring and darts at Ghost Face, but Ghost Face is able to step to the side and Drop Toe Hold Indigo right into the side of the escalator, crashing his head right into it. Ghost Face steps over Indigo and onto the escalator, beginning to ride his way to the tope. Ghost Face makes it to about the middle point of the escalator before Brian Gold springboards onto the top rope and dives off, catching the morbid wrestler with a Dropkick! Ghost Face topples over the side of the escalator and falls back into the ring. Gold is wedged between either side of the escalator but soon adjusts himself to a standing position, dancing away as he gets closer to the top!

Ross: "Gold is on his way up!"

Andy Davidson has recovered and pulls himself to his feet. He inspects the escalator for a moment and flicks a switch on it's control panel..which shifts the moving stairs to a downward motion!

Styles: "Well, THAT'S a handy feature!"

Gold is still dancing the night away before realizing his predicament. He slowly turns around to spot the angry Brit, who snatches him around the waist. While still on the escalator, Davidson hurls Gold backwards with an Overhead Belly To Belly Suplex! Gold flips in the air and lands harshly on his back, near the ring ropes. Davidson is ambushed by Clay and Indigo who club him with left and rights until he falls onto his knee's. They then proceed to set him up for a Double Suplex, which they connect with, dropping "The Eagle" back fist against the escalator! Davidson rolls off gripping his back, while The Minipax members enjoy their handy work. Indigo takes the time to flip the escalator's switch so it moves back in an upward motion. Richard Clay stomps away on the still fallen Maelstrom and pulls him up by the hair..

Ross: "The two members of Minipax seemingly want to pick apart their adversaries before scaling the mountain, so to speak!"

Styles: "If you take everyone out, no one can stop you from climbing! ..Except one another, of course!"

Clay sets Maelstrom up for a Double Underhook Backbreaker, but he's able to power his way out and flip "The Killionare" over. Indigo see's this and goes to help his team mate but is spun around by Aidan Donnelly. Aidan goes for a kick to the stomach but Indigo is able to catch his foot. This sets Indigo up for a Dragon Screw Leg Whip, which practically takes Indigo's head clean off. The 5'9'' Donnelly soon stares way..WAY..up at the gigantic Maelstrom. Donnelly slowly back peddles until Maelstrom rushes towards him, which prompts the Team Ireland member to slide between the monsters legs as he lunges forward. Aidan acts promptly, kicking Maelstrom right between the legs, sending him crumbling to his knee's.

Styles: "That's one way to cut down the size advantage!"

Before Aidan can celebrate, he's taken down by a Clothesline from Ghost Face. With Aidan on his back, Ghost Face grips a hold of his wrists and pulls them upwards, brutally stomping away at his forehead, repeatedly, a Reverse Curb Stomp. After dazing Aidan enough, Ghost Face pulls him up and shoves him into a corner. He lifts his smaller foe onto the top rope and scales up with him, looking for a Superplex as both men stand on the top rope. Brian Gold slips underneath of Ghost Face and as he applies the Superplex, he drives Ghost Face down with a Powerbomb! Ghost Face and Aidan wither about and Davidson recovers, dropping Gold with a Bicycle Kick! He then scoops up the fallen Indigo and Powerbombs him right on top of Gold, driving the wind out of him!

Ghost Face, Indigo, Gold and Donnelly all roll to the outside. Davidson turns around and walks right into a harsh, Spinning Spin Buster from Richard Clay, who is no small man himself at 6'7''. Davidson rolls to the outside and Clay follows along, all of the participants battling each other..except for Maelstrom who is scaling the top rope

Ross: "Not a place Maelstrom travels often!"

As the six men battle on the outside, Maelstrom leaps off with a Shooting Star Press that wipes them all out! Flash bulbs go off in a hurry!

Styles: "OH. MY. GOD!"

Ross: "A Shooting Star Press from a 6'8'' giant!"

Each man is sprawled out on the outside as the crowd still buzzes from the sight! Christopher Indigo appears to be the first to recover as he slowly drags himself into the ring, slowly followed along by Brian Gold. Both men take some time to recover before Gold attempts Kofi Kingston's "Trouble In Paradise" Kick, which Indigo is narrowly able to avoid. As Gold lands upon his feet he is booted in the gut and planted with Indigo's "Vision Of Indigo" finishing maneuver!

Styles: "A breath taking move like that could end any match..except when you have five other opponents!"

Indigo steps back to the escalator and begins riding it along. Aidan Donnelly soon slides into the ring and rockets after him, both men trading left and rights. They reach the top and still slug it out until Indigo takes a wild swing, which Donnelly is able to duck. Donnelly places one of Indigo's arms into a Chicken Wing and the other in a Half Nelson. Indigo struggles and both men are now standing on the sides of the escalator, at the very top, in a precarious position. Donnelly lifts Indigo backwards and up, as both men topple from the very top, over the side!

Ross: "Dublin Suplex" from the top of the escalator!"

Both Donnelly and Indigo lay in a motionless heap in the ring. Richard Clay crawls back into the ring and at the same time, Ghost Face appears to be searching underneath of the ring for a table! He pulls it out from underneath the apron and slides it into the ring!

Ross: "As if there isn't enough potential carnage with an escalator, this sadist brings a table into the ring!"

Styles: "Not to mention the chair he brought in earlier!"

Ghost Face begins to set up the table but is attacked by Richard Clay from behind. Ghost Face is whipped into a turnbuckle and flattened with a Clothesline before Clay hits him with the "Killionare Krunch". As a receipt from earlier, Andy Davidson rushes into the ring and spears Richard Clay nearly out of his boots. Davidson proceeds to scoop up Clay and rush towards the escalator, squashing him against the side of it with a Running Spine Buster!"

Styles: "Eagles Landing right into the side of the escalator!"

With the chair Ghost Face had brought into the ring earlier, Brain Gold cracks it across the back of Andy Davidson. Davidson falls onto his knee's and receives another shot for good measure. Gold fits the steel folding chair around Andy's neck and face and scales the escalator, riding it for bit to add velocity to the move he's about to perform. He dives off from about the middle of the escalator, driving his knee into the side of Davidson's face, and the chair wrapped around it, "The Good Time Knee Kick!"

Styles: "Despite the name of the move, Andy Davidson is NOT have a good time after that!"

Davidson is split open and he rolls onto his side with his head still stuck in the chair. Brian Gold grips his knee, obviously damaging it despite taking out "The Eagle". No more fancy foot work tonight. Still holding his knee, he slips his way onto the escalator and begins to ride up. Ghost Face has recovered and creeps up after him. Gold reaches the top and begins to reach for the briefcase until he is clubbed from behind by Ghost Face. Gold falls onto his knee's and Ghost Face stares down at him. In a sickening display, Ghost Face shoves Gold's face into the escalator, pressing the back of his head with both hands, grinding his face into the moving steps. Brian Gold screams as the escalator's steps ravage his features, quickly causing him to become a bloody mess. His face becomes the proverbial "crimson mask" and Ghost Face's hands are soaked in it

Ross: "Sickening! Stop it! He's trying to give this kid a horrible disfigurement!"

Even more disturbing, Ghost Face shows no emotion whatsoever, other than his eyes darkening. It soon comes to an end as he is kicked in the face by Richard Clay, who rode the escalator up. Not so much to help Gold, but just because they are both in his way. He scoops Ghost Face up, over his head, and Gorilla Presses him off the top of the escalator and down to the ring below! Ghost Face bounces off his stomach and grips his ribs. Brian Gold is soon thrown off the top, landing on his back, hiding his face with his hands. Clay reaches for the top, his fingers almost gracing the briefcase!

Ross: "He's got it! Clay has got it!"

..Almost. Until Maelstrom attacks him from behind. Maelstrom grips Clay by the neck and both men are now standing on the top of the escalator. Maelstrom looks at the briefcase for a moment before tightening his grip. He then proceeds to leap off the escalator, still holding Clay by the neck, driving him through the table below that Ghost Face had set-up earlier, with a Choke Slam! Splinters fly up everywhere as Clay remains motionless and Maelstrom collapses onto his stomach!

Styles: "OH MY GOD!"

Ross: "How do you learn to fall off a 20 foot escalator?! Through a table?! BAH GAWD!"

The crowd is still roaring from the sight when Donnelly and Indigo return to their feet. While still damaged, they are the only two standing at the moment. The two rush one another and begin to slug it out, with Indigo taking the advantage and ramming Donnelly's head against the side of the escalator. Indigo pounds away on Donnelly as he slumps against the escalator. He grabs Aidan, pulls him away, only to ram him head first into the side of the escalator, now bloodying him as well. Aidan lays in a heap as a winded Indigo stumbles away from him. Andy Davidson has returned to his feet, using the ropes as an aid, blood running down his face. Davidson doesn't seem to know where he is right now, glazed over look in his eyes. Indigo rushes him and ends up being Back Dropped to the outside, quiet a height to fall from a 6'8'' man, and lands with a thud. Davidson falls onto his knee's, running on pure instinct

Ross: "The carnage filling this ring, these men have been through a war! Each of them putting their bodies on the line!"

Davidson, moving like a zombie, shuffles his way onto the escalator, allowing it to ride him upwards. As he's moving a hand grips onto his ankle..that belonging to Maelstrom, who rides on his stomach along with him. Both of the big men reach the top and begin to slug it out with one another, slow, but strong punches. Each trying to reach for the brief case between shots.

Ross: "Which one will it be?! Which of these two is going to grab the brief case?!"

Both giants are trying to push one another off and they both run the risk of toppling over, their just isn't enough room up top for the both of them. As they struggle..something, or someone, gives them an extra shove of momentum and both men go sailing over the top of the side, crashing in a nasty heap into the ring!

Styles: "What..?!"

Ghost Face! He had crept up behind both men and added to the struggle by slipping them both over the top. Gripping his ribs with one arm, blood running down his mouth, he reaches upwards and grabs the briefcase. He struggles with it for a moment before being able to un-hook it! The bell rings and "You Lied" begins to play once more! He slumps to a sitting position at the top of the escalator, clutching the briefcase to his chest as he pants away. A smirk inching across his face, his own blood from his mouth dripping across the surface

Announcer: "Here is your winner....GHOST FACE!"

Ross: "Ghost Face slipped in like a snake at the last moment!"

Styles: "His extra bit of momentum sent both Davidson and Maelstrom right over the top! Those two are going to be furious once they recover! But now Ghost Face can use that contract to become the number one contender for whichever title he chooses!"

The camera pans about to all the destruction within the ring, all of the bodies laying about. Ghost Face slowly climbs to his feet and hoists the briefcase high above his head, still holding his ribs. Some boo that he was the winner, and some cheer merely for the spectacle they had witnessed!

[Toom E. Guci]

*Cut backstage to Todd Grisham with Toom E Dangerously. *

Todd: Mr. Dangerously, so are you prepared for your match tonight against the returning A-Bomb?

Toom: Am I ready? What kind of stupid question is that? Here I am, running a fine tuned wrestling promotion. I know the in’s & the out’s of this business. 4 years. 4 long years this month since I opened up that Bingo Hall to wrestling. And look at the outcome of it…4 years later. Hell, I gave A-Bomb a job when nobody wanted his ass. And sure, A-Bomb brought me a lot in this business. Afterall, unlike some “gay” wrestlers, he went through with his Gay Wedding. Can you say that about Billy & Chuck? Chrysta & Trish? No!!!

Todd: What does being gay have anything to do with this?

Toom: What? What the hell do you mean?

Todd: Well, why did you hit on A-Bomb’s sexual preference?

Toom: Give me a break, will ya! All I did was make a point of how much a man he USED to be. He followed through with his plans & his belief. But now…now he’s just a washed up, has been housewife. And I am sure Stevie Richards couldn’t be any happier about that.

Todd: But why a Falls Count Anywhere?

Toom: Why not? I tell you what. Do your damn job & go ask A-Bomb why a Falls Count Anywhere Match & get out of my damn face.

*Toom E Dangerously walks off as we cut back to ringside.*

[Toom E. Guci]

(Bell Rings)

The Fink: Ladies and Gentlemen, Our next contest here at Crap-A-Mania Cinco, is scheduled for one fall, and is for the EWT Toolshed Championship.

(“Otherworld” by Bill Muir plays, crowd cheers)

The Fink: Introducing first, the Challenger. Being led to the ring by “Sexually Suggestive” Ivy Rosepine, From Strasbourg, France: He weighs in tonight at 217 pounds, The Darkness in the Light, MYSTH!

Jim Ross: There’s Ivy Rosepine alongside Mysth for this brutal encounter. He hasn’t been on the winning end of this rivalry as of late.

Joey Styles: That’s right, Jim. He was just defeated a couple of weeks ago against Sigma, when Ivy got blindsided by Sigma’s new protégé in Vile. This could turn out to be one of the most brutal matches, ever for the Toolshed championship.

(“Princes of the Universe” By Queen hits, crowd boos)

The Fink: And his opponent. Accompanied by his protégé Vile, From Tacoma, Washington: He weighs in tonight at 273 pounds; the EWT Toolshed champion, SIGMA!

Jim Ross: Sigma being led to the ring by Vile, no surprise there. Maybe Vile will learn from the master manipulator in Sigma.

Joey Styles: Well, the rumor mill also has it that Sigma is fed up with Minipax. Sources say that Sigma deems them lazy, uninspired and just sitting on their laurels.

Jim Ross: Well, it seems that Sigma seems to be the only Minipax Member that actually cares about wrestling right now.

(Bell rings)

Jim Ross: Well, the bell has rang and we are underway as Mysth just charges at Sigma with rights and lefts. Sigma tries deflecting the shots and shoves Mysth down, but Mysth gets back up and connects with a dropkick to Sigma and he’s to the outside to the mats below.

Joey Styles: Mysth came out like a ball of fire, and he’s teaching Sigma a lesson here: Don’t mess with Ivy Rosepine. Mysth is charging to the outside and a Corkscrew Plancha onto Sigma and both men are laid out on the outside. We are in for the fight that we’ve been waiting for between these two.

Jim Ross: The fans here in Mexico are on their feet for Mysth. They want to see Sigma get his just desserts. As Mysth is the first to his feet, he picks up Sigma, he gives him an Irish Whip, Sigma reverses it and Mysth goes flying to the steel steps.

Joey Styles: And now the balance of power loudly shifts. That reversal could start up a reign of terror from Sigma. Sigma picks him up and just drops him back onto the steel steps. He goes for the pin.

Ref: 1….Kickout.

Jim Ross: And Mysth gets up at one. Sigma now laying in some boots to Mysth, as he’s trying to get back up and defend himself against Sigma’s superior strength. Sigma then decides to lift Mysth up, looks like he’s trying to hot shot him onto the top rope.

Joey Styles: Sigma has him up, but Mysth gives him the old thumb in the eye and chop blocks him to bring the big guy down, and He’s looking to set up for the Heavy Breaker. Mysth runs and is speared by Sigma. Sigma with the spear, knocking down Mysth and now Sigma is laying in some shots to Mysth.

Jim Ross: Sigma looks like a deranged madman attacking Mysth with brutal rights and lefts. Sigma has left Mysth lying and is heading to the other side of the ring and looks underneath it for something.

Joey Styles: Sigma must be looking for a chair or a table to perhaps do either the Sigma Suplex or God’s Wrath and put Mysth through it. Mysth is stirring, and is being comforted by Ivy. What a lucky guy.

Jim Ross: Mysth stands by his woman, and Ivy obliges by doing the same. Sigma, has found something and he pulls out a Kendo Stick. Sigma is an expert in using said cane to win a battle or two.

Joey Styles: Sigma is heading his way, and Ivy is quickly scrambling underneath the ring to find something for Mysth to defend himself with. She springs out and gives Mysth a Kendo Stick of his own.

Jim Ross: Mysth springs up and Sigma swings and Mysth blocks with the Cane. Mysth swings and Sigma blocks the shot with his cane. We have a literal swordfight here at Crap-a-Mania Cinco!

Crowd: EWT! EWT!

Joey Styles: The fans are chanting loudly as Sigma and Mysth continue to go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Both of them are now into the ring. The swordfight continuing to wow the fans here in Mexico. Mysth climbs the ropes and comes off to bash Sigma, but Sigma blocks; Sigma goes low, and Mysth blocks. Will this madness end?

Jim Ross: I don’t know when it will end, but it’s exciting to watch. The immortal struggle of good verses evil is apparent here. Sigma striking against Mysth and Mysth is blocking every single shot.

Joey Styles: Overhead, to the legs, to the side, to the head, to the arms, and Mysth is blocking every single one. Mysth is countering these shots and Sigma is blocking them as well.

Jim Ross: Back and forth and (Vile trips Mysth) Mysth goes down. Vile tripped Mysth and Mysth let go of his stick.

Joey Styles: That leaves Sigma wide open and he strikes Mysth hard with the Kendo stick upside the head and Mysth is busted open because of that shot. Sigma throws away the stick and covers Mysth.

Ref: 1….2.Kickout.

Jim Ross: No and Mysth keeps himself in this epic encounter at 2.

Joey Styles: That was a thrilling duel. Sigma knew what was needed to take advantage, and he took it. Ivy and the audience are rooting Mysth on and wanting him to get up and beat Sigma.

Jim Ross: Well, Sigma is back on Mysth now, with a side headlock. Mysth is slowly getting back up to his feet, and lifts Sigma up and Suplexes him!

Joey Styles: Mysth, who is 8 inches shorter and 60 points lighter than Sigma, gets him up and just puts him down hard on the canvas. He’s going for the pin right now.

Ref: 1…….2……..Foot on the rope.

Jim Ross: Sigma saves himself by putting his foot on the rope. Mysth was almost there and had him beat for the title, but Sigma knows what to do in the ring. Mysth now decides to slide out of the ring and grabs a folding chair.

Joey Styles: Mysth is looking to bash Sigma’s head in and rightfully so. Mysth hops back into the ring, and Sigma is waiting for him. Mysth swings for the fences and knocks Sigma to the corner.

Jim Ross: Mysth with a brutal chair shot sends Sigma to the corner and Ivy comes and is holding him steady. What does the happy couple have planned?

Joey Styles: I don’t know, but Vile just spotted Ivy holding Sigma. Mysth is charging and gives Sigma a Hesitation Dropkick with the chair and caves Sigma’s head in. Vile is on her way, but Ivy has the Chair and just smacks Vile with it.

Jim Ross: BAH GAWD JOEY, BAH GAWD! SIGMA AND VILE HAVE TO BE HURTING AFTER THAT ONE! THE REF IS MAKING THE COUNT NOW!

Ref: 1…….No, foot is under the rope.

Joey Styles: Sigma, once again saves himself from losing the Toolshed title. Mysth looks a bit disgusted at that fact. He is giving it all he has to put down Sigma.

Jim Ross: Ivy is going under the ring and is pulling out another chair, and Mysth is putting Sigma in the corner in a sitting position.

Joey Styles: Mysth must be planning for a Van Terminator here. Ivy is holding the chair in the proper position and Mysth is up on the top rope.

Jim Ross: If Mysth hits this move, we could have a new Toolshed champion, but Vile, Vile is behind Mysth and shoves him off the top rope. Vile, once again, interjecting herself into this match when she shouldn’t even be at ringside.

Joey Styles: Well, Ivy has been helping out Mysth as well, JR. She’s been holding Sigma up, holding the chair and taking out Vile when she tried to protect Sigma. So, kind of a sticky situation there.

Jim Ross: Yeah, but Sigma deserves it. Mysth now kicking at Sigma’s leg brings him down to one knee. Could be Heavy Breaker time and possibly a new Toolshed Champion. But Vile trips up Mysth before he could even attempt the Heavy Breaker.

Joey Styles: That’s a break for Sigma as he’s back up. He spots Mysth gabbing at Vile, and he’s got him hooked.

Jim Ross: This could be the downfall of Mysth. Sigma lifts him up and nails the Sigma Suplex. This could be all over. Wait…What’s Ivy doing?

Joey Styles: She’s probably aiming for Sigma and trying to get payback. She’s perched up on the top rope and she flies, but she’s caught by Sigma.

Jim Ross: Valiant effort for Ivy, but Sigma is just too focused in this match. He’s just toying with Ivy now.

Joey Styles: But look at Mysth. He’s got the Kendo Stick back. He’s hoping Sigma turns around so he can clobber him with the stick and get back at him.

Jim Ross: Well, Mysth is tapping Sigma's shoulder, who is still toying with Ivy, turns around and GETS BLASTED BY MYSTH WITH THE KENDO STICK!

Joey Styles: Sigma toyed around with Ivy too much, and paid the price. Now Mysth goes for the cover.

Ref: 1……..2…….Shoulder.

Jim Ross: Now Sigma gets the shoulder up. You can feel the frustration in Mysth’s eyes.

Joey Styles: He’s hit him with everything, but the kitchen sink. Mysth is lifting Sigma up, but Sigma nails him with a knee to the stomach and follows through with the Evenflow DDT.

Jim Ross: Sigma, ever the opportunist, found an opening and took it. Now what is he telling Vile to get.

Joey Styles: Vile is going under the ring and she has some hardware.

Jim Ross: Vile found herself a table and Sigma is sliding under the ropes, helping her put it in the ring and now they are setting it up. I don’t know what is going on here.

Joey Styles: Sigma could be setting up for his patented maneuver in God’s Wrath. With Vile there running interference if Ivy decides to save Mysth, Sigma could have this thing wrapped up in no time.

Jim Ross: That is probably the case as Sigma grabs Mysth and perches him on the top rope and Sigma goes behind him and sets him up for what could be the end of the match.

Joey Styles: If Sigma hits God’s Wrath, it’s all over.

Jim Ross: That’s true. Sigma has him up in position. Sigma’s calling for it, Sigma’s up, BUT MYSTH HAS COUNTERED IT AND TURNED IT INTO A HURRICARANA AND SIGMA GETS PUT THROUGH THE TABLE!

Joey Styles: OH MY GOD! SIGMA HAS TO BE OUT OF IT NOW!

Jim Ross: BAH GAWD! WE MAY HAVE A NEW CHAMPION HERE! MYSTH HAS THE COVER!

Ref: 1………2…………Th-Shoulder!

Joey Styles: MYSTH HAD THE MATCH WON, BUT SIGMA WON’T QUITE GIVE IT UP AND GETS HIS SHOULDER UP!

Jim Ross: WHAT WILL IT TAKE FROM MYSTH TO KEEP SIGMA DOWN ON THE MAT FOR THE VICTORY!

Joey Styles: I don’t know, but Mysth is going back up to the top rope for a possible Senton Bomb. Mysth goes for it, and Sigma rolls out of the way!

Jim Ross: How can Sigma and Mysth have the energy to continue this match? It’s back and forth, back and forth. When will it end?

Joey Styles: Who knows, but Sigma’s got the killer look in his face again. He may go for the God’s Wrath again, but where will he land?

Jim Ross: I slipped a couple of fans some money back behind us, so we’re safe.

Joey Styles: Good thinking. Sigma is up and drags Mysth’s limp body to the ropes and perches Mysth up on the top Rope. This could be it.

Jim Ross: Sigma, he has been champion since February after taking the belt off of Shane Malone, and now he’s in great position to win the match.

Joey Styles: Sigma is now perched on the top rope, But IVY! IVY OUT OF NOWHERE PUSHES SIGMA BACKWARD AND BOTH OF THEM ARE DOWN ON THE CANVAS WITH MYSTH ON TOP!

Jim Ross: IVY GOT THERE AT THE LAST MOMENT AND SAVED HIS MAN FROM DEFEAT AND NOW THE REF IS MAKING THE COUNT!

Ref: 1……….2………..Foot on the rope!

Joey Styles: ONCE AGAIN, SIGMA SAVES HIMSELF FROM DEFEAT.

Jim Ross: Mysth and Ivy have been trying their best to take down Sigma, but they haven’t gotten it done, and we got a battle going on between Vile and Ivy.

Joey Styles: Ivy and Vile trading blows like two pure wrestlers. Ivy has a hold of Vile and is trying to unmask her, but Vile lifts Ivy up and drops her with a suplex.

Jim Ross: Those two women are going at it like mad. Now in the ring, Mysth is going back on the top rope, looking to hit a big move here to finally put Sigma away.

Joey Styles: If Mysth hits, we have a new Toolshed champion. You have to admit, they left it all in the ring tonight.

Jim Ross: No doubt about that. Mysth is perched and is getting ready to hit. Sigma is up and straddles Mysth on the ropes. This could spell disaster.

Joey Styles: It is as Sigma is back on top and has him in his grasp. He’s up. INCOMING!!!!

Jim Ross: BAH GAWD! *crash* SIGMA JUST PUT MYSTH THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE WITH THE GOD’S WRATH!

Audience: EWT! EWT! EWT! EWT!

Joey Styles: OH MY GOD! THEY UTTERLY DESTROYED THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. SIGMA NOW HAS THE COVER!

Ref: 1………2……….3! *Bell Rings*

Jim Ross: SIGMA HAS RETAINED THE TITLE!

The Fink: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner and STILL EWT TOOLSHED CHAMPION….SIGMA!

(Princes of the Universe by Queen Hits, Crowd boos)

Joey Styles: AFTER A HARD FOUGHT BATTLE, SIGMA GOT THE UPPER HAND AND RETAINS HIS TITLE!

Jim Ross: Mysth had all of the opportunities, but Sigma found ways to keep in the fight. The main thing we’re going to remember in this match is the Kendo Stick fight between both of them.

Joey Styles: That has to be one of the best moments in EWT history!

[Toom E. Guci]

*We cut to the arena, ready for the next contest of Crap-A-Mania.*

Finkel: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is now time, for the EWT World Tag Team Championship match! And it is, a Scaffold Tables match!! The rules are as follows. Both teams must climb to the top of the 30 foot scaffold above the ring, with the ring filled with tables below. The first team to toss both of their opponents off the scaffold into the ring will be declared the winners, and EWT World Tag Team Champions!!!

*Emerald Sword by Rhapsody cues up, and the lights go out to focus on a green, blue and white spotlight on the stage.*

Finkel: Introducing first, they are the challengers, at a combined weight of 482 pounds, Angus MacAngus, The Emerald Warrior, they are the Highland Diamonds!

*The Diamonds walk out. Warrior is cocky while Angus is just focused. Interestingly, Angus is also covered in some Celtic tribal paint for the match. They make their way down the ramp, Warrior trash talking with fans while Angus makes his way to one side of the scaffold and removes his kilt. The Diamonds then climb up to their side of the scaffold*

*After a brief lull, Filter’s Welcome To The Fold this the sound system. The booing intensifies from the audience.*

Finkel: And, introducing second, they are the reigning and defending EWT World Tag Team Champions, being accompanied to the ring by Terina, at a combined weight of 456 pounds, Jimmy Thunder, Jason Jupiter, they are TJT!!!!

*TJT’s trademark XJ Jaguar pulls out from behind the curtain onto the stage. Thunder and Jupiter exit the car and flank Terina on either side, they are wearing their golden attire. Both champions swagger to their side of the scaffold, and go through as close to their trademark routine as possible without entering the ring. They remove their coats and belts and climb up, Terina staying on the ground. A referee at ringside takes the belts and hold them up, presenting them to all 4 sides of the arena.*

Joey Styles; Well JR, this certainly isn’t something you see every day- a Scaffold Tables match for the tag team titles!

JR: No it isn’t Joey Styles, I have a feeling this one is gonna be bowling shoe ugly.
Joey: Tag team champions in TJT have been rather quiet in recent weeks, while the rookie Highland Diamonds have been very outspoken. It’s a case of proven versus unproven, the team that think they are the best in the Diamonds, against the team that right now are the best in TJT.

*DING DING DING!!!

Both teams slowly approach each other atop the scaffold. Neither team is keen to make the first move, feinting punches or kicks. Finally, Thunder and Warrior start swinging at each other with punches, while Jupiter and MacAngus lock up in an attempt to outmuscle each other. The bigger Angus starts getting the upper hand on Jupiter, almost sending him to the edge, but Thunder stops brawling with Warrior and cuts Angus off with an axe handle to the back. Warrior swings at Thunder, backing him to 1 side of the scaffold, while on the opposite side Jupiter is in control of Angus. They fight to the gantries by which they climbed up the scaffold, and the Diamonds gain control by bashing TJT’s heads off the scaffold railings. They go to Irish whip TJT at each other, but Thunder and Jupiter reverse. Angus and Warrior quickly react, performing a do-ce-do and sending each other back where they came from, but TJT duck and almost backdrop the Diamonds off the scaffolding to ringside!! The Diamonds catch the railing and land on top of the side of the support pillars, and with punches and eye rakes fight to safety.*

JR: Bah gawd! We almost saw the Diamonds take an early plunge without the tables to break their fall!

Joey: These matches have that high risk element. They can end out of nowhere with one misplaced step.

*Angus climbs back over to brawl with Jupiter, but Warrior jumps on top of the railing and performs a cross body, nearly sending himself and Thunder off the scaffold!! Jupiter blocks a suplex attempt and tries to suplex Angus off, but Angus slips out and behind. Jupiter performs a standing switch and hits a Russian Leg Sweep on top of the scaffold! He boots at Angus and tries to push him off, Angus ends up hanging on by his hands! But Warrior gets over to help quickly, levelling Jupiter atop the scaffold with the Emerald Gleam superkick! Warrior scoops Jupiter up in an attempt for an Emerald Fusion, but Jupiter wriggles out. Angus pulls himself up to safety and assist Warrior. They go for a double suplex, but Jimmy Thunder rushes over and clubs the Diamonds in the back. Jupiter hangs on to Warrior while Thunder grabs Angus, and Jupiter hits a DDT as Thunder tries to shove Angus off, but Angus gets a low blow and escapes. He starts swinging at Thunder with stiff boxing punches, but Thunder fires back with his Thunder Blaze! They continue with stiff punches for a few moments, until Angus goes for a lariat but Thunder blocks, and Jupiter dashes at Angus from behind as TJT hit the Berring Niner-Niner atop the scaffold!*

Joey: These guys are pulling out anything and everything! This one is dangerous.

JR: Both teams have come close to that plunge several times already. This has not been pretty, it has been a brawl.

* TJT grab Angus in an attempt to toss him off the scaffold, but now Warrior cuts them off. He knocks Jupiter away with a forearm, then grabs Thunder for an Emerald Cutter, but thunder blocks with an eye rake. Thunder grabs Warrior as if for a Thundercrasher off the scaffold, but Emerald Warrior slips out and catches Thunder with a neckbreaker! Angus then gets up, and they both isolate Jupiter. The Diamonds try for a Concussion Syndrome atop the scaffold, but Jupiter fights out. Instead, they go for a double superkick, but Jupiter ducks under, and regroups with thunder, before TJT both hit stereo dropkicks on the Diamonds, knocking them back to one of the gantries! TJT then move in and Thunder blasts Angus with the Thunderbolt, while Jupiter tries to hit Warrior with the Solarbuster! Warrior slips out and crawls across the scaffold, but TJT catch him. They set Warrior up for an Anubis Driver, aiming to throw him of the scaffold, but Angus attacks Jupiter, and Warrior grabs Thunder, hits another low blow, then throws him off the scaffold through the tables!!!!!!*

Joey Styles: OH MY GOOOOD!!!!!!!

JR: Good god almighty, Thunder just got thrown off a 30 foot high scaffold!!
Joey: But you realise what this means JR, the Diamonds have the numbers advantage, it’s 2 on 1!!!

*Jupiter backs off, cautious, as the Diamonds now stalk him like hunters with prey. They both go to grab him, but Jupiter hauls off with 2 low blows, and the Diamonds stagger back in unison, winded. Jupiter hits a running knee to Warrior’s stomach, then tosses Angus with a fireman’s carry, almost sending him off! Angus is again close to dangling off, but Warrior rescues him by forcing Jupiter away with a takedown. Jupiter and Warrior are scrapping it out as Angus catches his breath, and Warrior gets the upper hand, attempting the Gem Driller, but Jupiter evades it, lifting Warrior up for a flapjack onto the rails of one of the gantries! Jupiter catches Warrior and drops him with a half nelson facebuster, and Warrior almost rolls himself off the edge! Angus is now the one to make the save, blindsiding Jupiter. He grabs him trying for the Saltire, but Jupiter breaks free, applying a Fujiwara arm bar to the standing Angus! Jason then hits a series of knees to Angus’ face, and goes for the Big Red Spot, but Angus counters, trying to hit a T-Bone suplex off the scaffold! Jupiter fights out, and Angus instead hits a northern lights suplex, floating over atop the scaffold for an attempt at the Flower of Scotland! He tries to roll it, but Jupiter kicks him off, and Angus has to jump and grab to avoid flying off the scaffold, he barely catches onto the support pillar! Jupiter gets up and is met with some punches from Emerald Warrior, but Jupiter blocks one, kicks Warrior in the gut, and lifts Warrior up, hitting an Atmospheric pressure atop the scaffold! Warrior sags on all fours, and Jupiter then hauls Warrior to his feet, squats down, and flapjacks Emerald Warrior off the scaffold through the tables!!! A “Holy S***” chant breaks out from the audience.*

JR: Bah gawd! Bah gawd! Emerald Warrior may have just been broken in half!!!
Joey: This is getting dangerous!!!! We’re down to 1 man on each side!

* Angus and Jupiter get up and stare each other down at a distance, realising that whoever survived now got the titles. They lock up, and Angus drops Jupiter down on the scaffold with a takedown, going for a chinlock. Jupiter rolls out and applies a facelock, which Angus counters with an arm wringer. Jupiter then somehow rolls out on the scaffold, turning it into a hammerlock, and then trying to back suplex Angus! Angus blocks it, so Jupiter tries to throw Angus off, but Angus spins out for a front facelock, and attempts to suplex Jason Jupiter off! Jupiter counters with a quick eye poke, and lifts Angus, drilling him on the scaffold with the Solarbuster!! Angus is limp, and Jupiter tries to just roll him off, but Angus clings on and swings to the underside of the scaffold! Jupiter tries to get at Angus, but realises he has to climb down, so climbs to the side of the scaffold to get at Angus! Both men are now brawling on the side of the scaffold. Angus gets the upper hand after smashing Jupiter’s face off the side of the scaffolding, but a well placed kick to the knee gives Jupiter an advantage. Neither man can throw the other off, and they both climb back to the top surface of the scaffold, still brawling. Angus ducks a clothesline and runs to a gantry, vaulting onto a rail and then leaping for the Flying Scotsman clothesline, but Jupiter sidesteps and Angus smashes off the scaffold! Angus is dangling off the scaffold by his hands, and Jupiter goes to stomp on his fingers. He stomps one hand, but Angus catches his foot on the next stomp and pulls, and Jupiter falls back on the scaffold! Angus climbs back up and they tie up again, struggling. Angus goes for the Saltire again, but Jupiter somehow flips over onto his feet, landing on the scaffold. Jupiter goes for a superkick, blasting Angus! Angus falls but gets up quickly, and hits his own superkick, the Sweet Bagpipe Music! Jupiter drops down but gets up straight away as well, going for a clothesline, but Angus sidesteps and pushes, and tosses Jupiter off the scaffold!!!!!!!*

JR: BAH GAWD!!!
Joey: OH MY GOD!!!!

*DING DING DING!!*

Finkel: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winners, and…….NEW EWT World Tag Team Champions, Angus MacAngus, Emerald Warrior…..The Highland Diamonds!!!

JR: Can you believe this Joey Styles!! TJT have been defeated! They have never been pinned, never submitted, but they’ve been defeated! The Highland Diamonds have dethroned the champions!!!
Joey: The Diamonds said they’d do it, and they somehow have. TJT have still not been pinned, never tapped out, but in the Diamonds’ speciality, in their favourite environment, they were able to get the win!
JR: The most successful and dominant team in EWT history are no longer at the top! Instead, an equally despicable team have somehow snuck up and ascended to the top of the podium!
Joey: TJT have a rematch clause though JR. If they cash that in, can lightning strike twice for the Diamonds? TJT have yet to lose a match through pinfall or submission, but they’ve just suffered their 3rd technical loss in EWT. The Diamonds are on top for now, but for how long?

*Angus climbs wearily down the scaffold, and drags a semi-conscious Emerald Warrior
out of the table wreckage. The referee hands them the tag team titles as Terina goes to check on her boys. Angus shrugs, smirks, and raises his newly won championship. The Diamonds walk up the ramp strapping on the belts, pose, then leave. We see TJT starting to stir in the wreckage, and they have shocked and devastated expressions. They slowly roll out of the ring and regroup with Terina, distraught. TJT collect their robes and gingerly walk to their car, and both bang on the hood in anger.*

Joey Styles: The impossible has been done! The EWT World Tag Team Titles have been taken from TJT! What on earth will happen next here at Crap-A-Mania Cinco?!!

*Fade to a vignette*

[Toom E. Guci]

* The band Trik Turner comes out on the entryway & start into “Tricks of the Trade.” Just then, Trik Turner himself comes out & yanks the microphone away from the lead singer, throwing it down. He shoves the lead singer & yanks a guitar from the guitarists hand, throwing it into the drum set, smashing the drum set. He kicks another band member & tosses him into the drum set. Trik makes his way to the ring & grabs the microphone from the ring announcer…*

I do not give a s*** about that washed up, has been band. Coming here on my time to make a dime when none of you fans even know who the f*** they are. They want MY respect since they stole their name from me? Then they need to do exactly what Spaz needs to do…EARN IT!!! I am here to get a job done & I do not need no glitzy entrance. This is not what I am about, nor is what wrestling about. The fact is, you all know what I am about. And shortly….Spaz will know what I am about. I am about respect. And Spaz, but your actions the last few weeks…you have been disrespecting me. And that disrespects ends NOW!!!

* “Where’s the Party At?” starts blaring over the system as Spaz makes his way to the ring. Spaz gets in the ring, where he reaches for the microphone. Trik throws the microphone at Spaz.*

Spaz: You want my respect? You come around here, telling me I need to respect you? Look at me Turner. Look at my history here in EWT. I am a former World Champion. I have held the Ox Division Championship not once, but twice. I have faced some of the best this industry has to offer. Flex Magnificent, Eddie Omega, Chance Confidence, & The PTA have all tried to beat me. And what happened? They got beat by the best. Who have you beat? Who have you wrestled? Every time you “came back,” you put your tail between your legs & left after getting defeated by HitmanMark. And once I beat you, I am looking forward to seeing you leave with your tail between your legs again. Because EWT doesn’t need a coward like you. EWT needs some real talent. And you, my friend…are far from real talent.

* Spaz tosses the microphone to the outside of the ring & asks for the bell. Trik gets up in Spaz’s face & the 2 start to argue. Trik shoves Spaz by the face. The 2 start getting in each other’s face & argue again. Trik shoves Spaz by the face again. The 2 start to argue one more time, but Trik follows it with an open hand slap across the face. Spaz just laughs it off & looks at Trik, rubbing his chin. Spaz walks up to Trik & motions to the other side of his face. Trik goes for a slap again, but this time Spaz dodges it. Spaz grabs Trik around the waist & nails him with a suplex. Spaz follows it up with a roll up but Trik gets out of it. Spaz grabs Trik but Trik manages to break free, where he dropkicks Spaz. Trik yanks Spaz up by the hair & throws him across the ring. Trik charges at him as Spaz bounces off the ropes. Spaz ducks a chop & bounces off the ropes with a flying elbow. Spaz gets to his feet & nails a standing moonsault. Spaz lifts up Trik into a Fisherman Suplex, but Trik gets his foot on the rope during the pin attempt. Trik rolls out of the ring after the pin is broken. Trik is outside the ring, frustrated, as Spaz is sitting on the second rope & holding it open for him, inviting Trik back in. Trik looks at Spaz & gives him the finger & walks away. Trik starts walking down the aisle as Spaz is calling him back. The referee starts issuing the count. Spaz is asking the referee not to count as Trik is on top of the entryway, when suddenly an old familiar face walks out from the back…HitmanMark. Trik drops down as if to beg for no trouble, but Hitman comes at Trik & grabs him. He drags Trik to the ring & throws him in, as Spaz drops an axe handle on Trik. Spaz grabs Trik & hits him with a DDT. Spaz goes for a cover but Trik manages a kick out.*

*Outside the ring, HitmanMark grabs a seat & sits down to watch the match. Spaz grabs Trik & hits him with a Belly to Belly Overhead Suplex. Spaz goes for another cover, but Trik kicks out. Trik rolls out of the ring again as Hitman gets to his feet & rushes at Trik, grabbing him & throwing him back in the ring. Spaz makes his way over to Trik but Trik manages a chin breaker onto Spaz. Trik grabs Spaz & throws him into the ropes & spears him. Trik goes for a cover but Spaz kicks out. Trik gets back to his feet & grabs Spaz into a Full Nelson, where he hit’s a Full Nelson Slam on him. Trik lifts up Spaz & gets him with an X-Factor & turns it into a cover. Spaz manages his foot on the rope.*

* Frustrated, Trik gets to his feet & yanks Spaz up. Spaz hit’s a knee to the midsection & then a gut wrench suplex. Spaz throws Trik into the ropes & hit’s a Hurricanarama on him. Spaz quickly goes to the top rope, where he leaps off with a Shooting Star Press. Spaz goes for a cover, hooking the leg. Trik barely gets his arm up. Spaz grabs Trik & hits him with This Is Spinal Snap. Spaz covers Trik, but Trik manages the foot on the rope again. Spaz gets to his feet, where he grabs Trik. A weak Trik manages a chest blower to the front, bringing his knees into Spaz’s chest. Both men lay down & out as the referee starts counting.

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

Trik is able to use the ropes to get to his feet. Trik grabs Spaz onto his shoulders & starts the airplane spin, nailing with the Triky Move. Trik goes for a pin as the referee counts. Spaz’s foot gets on the rope, but the referee does not see it & counts 1-2-3.*

* As Trik celebrates in the ring his victory, HitmanMark charges into the ring. HitmanMark starts arguing with the referee as Trik continues to celebrate. Hitman drags the referee out of the ring to the commentator’s table. Jim Ross calls to the back of the truck for a replay, as it shows Spaz’s foot is on the rope. The referee calls for the match to continue, as Trik protests to him in the ring. As he protests, Spaz spins him around, hits him with a kick to the midsection, & hits him with the Shockwave. The referee counts 1-2-3 as the bell rings.*

Announcer: The winner of the match…Spaz!!!

* HitmanMark gets in the ring & raises Spaz’s hand in victory. Both men shake hands in the center of the ring, as Trik rolls out of the ring. A frustrated Trik is throwing things around at ringside & storms away from ringside in anger, as we cut to a video segment displaying the career of A-Bomb.*

[Toom E. Guci]

Toni "T.G." Garcya: Ladies & Gentlemen, the following match, scheduled for one fall, is the five-woman Hell in a Cell match for the EWT Girl Next Door Championship.

*Britney Spears stands on the stage with a troupe of dancers behind her, it looks something like this:*
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PCa2cRj9V4

"It's Tiffany, Bitch...

I see you, and I just wanna dance with you

Everytime they turn the lights down
Just wanna go that extra mile for you
Public display of affection
Feel's like no one else in the room

We can get down like there's no one around
We'll keep on rockin' (We'll keep on rockin')
We'll keep on rockin' (Keep on rockin')
Cameras are flashing my way dirty dancing
They keep watchin' (They keep watchin')
Keep watchin '
Feel's like the crowd is saying

Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme (Uh)
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme (Uh)
Gimme gimme more"

*Britney badly lip-synchs her way through her performance. Tiffany walks out during the chorus as she & Britney do a sexy dance back-to back before Tiffany continues on down to the ring & Britney carries on mouthing the words to her song.*

"Center of attention ('tention)
Even when they're up against the wall
You got me in a crazy position (Yeah)
If you're on a mission (Uh-uh)
You got my permission (Oh)
We can get down like there's no one around
We'll keep on rockin' (Keep on rockin')
We'll keep on rockin', rockin' (Uh-uh)
Cameras are flashing my way dirty dancing
They keep watchin' (Wait)
Keep watchin'
Feel's like the crowd is saying

Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme (Uh)
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme (Uh)
Gimme gimme more"

"T.G.": Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 118lbs... TIFFANY!!!

JR: And here comes the latest Playboy cover girl, the lovely Tiffany. I can only imagine that being sent into the Devil’s Duplex has to put some butterflies in her stomach.

Styles: No doubt, but the rewards are great if she were to come out on top in this one, JR. Can you believe that by end of the night, Tiffany is the new EWT Girl Next Door Champion.

JR: That’ll definitely be a shocker if it comes to that.


"I just can't control myself, oh
They want more? Well I'll give'em more, oh!

Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more (Gimme more)
Gimme gimme more
Gimme (Uh)
Gimme gimme more (Ooh)
Gimme gimme more
Gimme more
Gimme gimme more
Gimme gimme more (Gimme more, oh yeah)
Gimme (Uh)
Gimme gimme more"

*Tiffany poses in the ring, blowing kisses out to fans & doing the splits. She looks nervously at the large steel structure around her.*

"Ohh, gimme more, gimme more (More)
Gimme more, gimme more baby
I just want more!"

*After Tiffany's music dies down, Mystery makes her way out.*

"T.G.": Making her way to the ring, from Parts Unknown, weighing in at an undisclosed amount... MYSTERY!!!

JR: Every so the enigma, Mystery has to be a front runner in this contest. She’s been a serious contender for the GND title before, perhaps tonight is the night for her.

Styles: She has to go through 3 other challengers and the champion herself to get that, though. It won’t be a cakewalk, that’s for sure.

*Filter's "Welcome to the Fold" begins playing as Terina struts out to a mixture of boos and cheers, smiling self-absorbantly as she totally ignores the world around her. With a stalking pace, she makes her way down to the ring.*

"TG": From San Diego, California, weighing in at 139 pounds...TERINA!!!

JR: Talented and beautiful, two of the many traits that best describe the lone lady of TJT. And you have to wonder if Chance Confidence’s announcement on disbanding the Platinum Association has to be somewhat of a distraction for Terina.

Styles: She can’t think about stuff like that right now. She has to focus on doing what she can to win the GND title tonight.


*Terina hops up to the ring apron, turning around, and using her arms on the ropes to vault backwards to a standing position. She whips her hair over one shoulder. Walking towards the middle of the ring, the crowd quiets down and her music fades out.*

* “Leke Pehla Pehla Pyar" (Sweet Honey Remix) by Smita blares through the arena speakers as Jasmyne steps out onto the stage to a welcomed ovation from the crowd. Dressed in her purple tanktop and tight black booty shorts, she smiles while performing a little striptease before sashaying her way down to the ring.*

"TG": From Bangalore, India, weighing 122 pounds… JASMYNE!

JR: And here’s someone who knows how to get in her opponents’ heads, the lovely Jasmyne.

Styles: We’ve seen her have “fun” with Terina and Tiffany in the past, I wonder what will happen if Jasmyne were to use those tactics of her on an opponent like Mystery or Synthy.

*Jasmyne playfully waves at her competitors in the ring as she climbs up the ring step, before looking up at the fenced structure with a deep breath. Proceeding inside the cell and entering the ring, she winks seductively at Tiffany and blows a kiss in the direction towards her “BFF”. Still completely oblivious to Jasmyne’s promiscuity, Tiffany giggles at plays along by blowing a kiss back to Jasmyne.*

*"Ghostflowers" by Otep begins playing & the crowd get to their feet.*

JR:: And speaking of the current EWT Girl Next Door champion. Listen to that ovation.

"T.G.": And finally: she is the current GND Champion… SYNTHY ERIS!!!.

*The audience roars in approval as they look to the stage waiting for the fuchsia-haired fury to make her appearance. As her theme music continues to play, anticipation becomes confusion as Synthy has yet to appear.*

JR: W-Wait a minute. Something’s not right here, folks.

Styles: Did something happen to Synthy? Can we go… wait a minute! Look at that!

*Styles—as well as everyone else in attendance—look to the Toomitron to what the commentator was referring to: Synthy Eris is shown laid out backstage. She lies in a heap with a small trace of blood trickling from her mouth. EMTs, road agents & wrestlers are gathered around her. trying to wake her. She seems to be unconscious.*

J.R.: Bah Gawd! Synthy Eris has been attacked backstage. The woman is out cold!

Styles: What does this mean for the Hell in a Cell match? Will Synthy still be able to compete?

*As confusion spreads throughout the arena, “Ghetto Bird” by Ice Cube begins to play as a familiar face to EWT veterans steps out onto the entrance stage.*

JR: Hey! That’s D’Zee! The 2006 Harlot Hunt winner!

Styles: We haven’t seen D’Zee for over a year! What a surprise to see her at Crap-a-Mania Cinco!

As the crowd reacts with a mixture of cheers and confusion, D’Zee—holding a microphone and a title belt—addresses the crowd.

D’Zee: Mexico, what… is… up!?

*The audience replies with a roar of approval*

D’Zee: I know I’ve been gone for a while, giving a go at a career at boxing—which by the way, I was dominating. But to be honest with you, I missed this ring. So guess what, boppers, D’Zee is back in EWT and ready to kick some ass!

*The audience cheers loudly at the address*

D’Zee: Now, it seems things have changed in the GND division since I was last here. I see a lot of models, posers, and bitches who just don’t belong in the ring that I made. The game’s gotten soft and the player can’t let that happen boppers. Hell, I met the current champ moments ago and y’know what she did? She dropped her title… after I dropped her.

*She laughs as she holds up the title belt up for the crowd to see, revealing that it indeed is the GND title. The revelation upsets the audience who vocally display their disapproval with a barrage of boos and insults towards D’Zee.*

D’Zee: So, now that “Pinky” is busy counting ceiling tiles in the back, I guess it’s only fitting that I take her place in this little match. And girls, I’m walking in the match with this title… and I’m walking out with it when the night’s done.

*Dropping the microphone, D’Zee proceeds down the ring scowling the fans that jeer on the way down. As she marches inside the cage and enters the ring; Tiffany seems to be a little afraid by the intimidating presence of the experienced wrestler/boxer.*

JR: I just can’t believe that D’Zee would do such a thing; taking out Synthy Eris for a spot in this match.

Styles: It goes to show how far people will go to be a part of Crap-a-Mania.

DING-DING!

*The five women stand in a circle, unsure of exactly what moves to make. D'Zee immediately takes a swing at Tiffany. Tiff eeks. Despite her training it's obvious she still has no idea what to do in the ring. D'Zee grabs Tiff by the hair. Seeing that her friend is in trouble, Jasmyne leaps onto D'Zee's back, trying to take her attention off Tiffany. D'Zee snapmares Jasmyne over. Jasyne lands harshly on the mat. Terina & Mystery have been merely standing watching this whole spectacle unfold. Mystery whips Terina to the ropes & catches her on the rebound with a Back-Body Drop. Terina nurses her back a little as Mystery waits for her to stand again. As soon as Terina is back to her feet, Mystery blasts her with a Dropkick. Terina rolls outside the ring & Mystery quickly follows, launching herself through the ropes with a suicide dive, knocking Terina back against the walls of the Cell!*

*D'Zee is not having as easy a time of things as she thought with Tiffany & Jasmyne, apparently, Tiff has been doing a spot of training. When D'Zee snapmares Jasmyne over, Tiffany connects with a clothesline. D'Zee looks like she actually felt the impact of Tiff's offense! Jasmyne & Tiffany attempt to double team D'Zee. The pair grab an arm each & whip D'Zee towards a corner. Jasmyne then whips Tiffany to the corner. Tiffany crashes into D'Zee in a painful looking fashion & whips the returning GND back in Jasmyne's direction. Jasmyne leaps onto D'Zee's shoulders & snaps off a Frankensteiner!*

*Mystery re-enters the ring & attempts a German Suplex on Tiffany. Tiff manages to roll through & escape the pin attempt. Mystery Dropkicks Tiffany. Tiff goes staggering backwards into Jasmyne & D'Zee, knocking them both over. Mystery turns around to be caught by a flying Cross-Body from Terina. Mystery manages to roll through with the momentum of the move & has Terina set up for a Fall Away Slam. D'Zee grabs Mystery from behind & gives her a German Suplex sending both Terina & Mystery flying!*

"HO~LY S***! HO~LY S***!"

*D'Zee scrambles over to make a cover on Mystery, but Tiffany & Jasmyne are quick to attack & break it up. Working together, Jasmyne & Tiffany give D'Zee a Hip Toss right out of the ring. Tiffany & Jasmyne then go to work on Terina & Mystery respectively. The more experienced wrestlers are ready for them. Mystery gives Jasmyne a Body Slam & Terina follows by slamming Tiffany right on top of Jasmyne. Mystery quickly scales the turnbuckles & flies off with a Moonsault on both ladies. Terina is quick to follow by landing a "Flying Tree Frog" on the duo. Terina actually drags Tiffany off of Jasmyne & goes for a cover. Mystery breaks up the pinfall before the ref can even begin to count & this short-lived alliance of convenience has already started to crumble. Mystery whips Terina off to the ropes. Unfortunately for Terina, D'Zee was just about to re-enter the ring with a chair in her hand. Terina's head gets smashed against the chair. Mystery dives on Terina to make a cover. D'Zee whacks Mystery in the back with the chair before the ref can start counting. D'Zee is about to make the cover herself, but Mystery drags her off. D'Zee grabs the chair again & is about to drill Mystery with it when Jasmyne whistles sharply. Both Mystery & D'Zee turn around to see Jasmyne & Tiffany. Tiff hits a poorly executed Dropkick on Mystery. Jasmyne Dropkicks the chair right into D'Zee's face; both D'Zee & Mystery roll outside the ring. Tiffany compliments Jasmyne on her work. Jasmyne responds by smacking Tiffany rather harshly on the behind. Tiff is momentarily in shock, but then she giggles & smiles.*

*D'Zee & Mystery are about to re-enter the ring. Tiffany & Jasmyne do a dual Baseball Slide knocking both women back against the walls of the Cell. Tiffany faces D'Zee outside the ring. D'Zee shakes off Tiffany's offense. Though she might have been getting some training done. Tiff's punches are still feeble. D'Zee grabs Tiffany in a sort of Bearhug & runs right towards the wall of the Cell. D'Zee rams Tiffany's back into the Cell, then swings around & rams her into the ring-post, then back to the Cell again. She finishes up by driving Tiffany onto the floor with a Spinebuster! Mystery whips Jasmyne into the steps, Jasmyne crashes into the steps knees first & goes tripping over them. D'Zee grabs Tiffany by the hair & rams her face against the steel mesh & grates Tiffany's pretty face against the metal. Tiffany can be heard screaming in pain as the sharp metal digs into her face. D'Zee drags Tiffany's head back one last time & bashes her into the metal wall once more. Mystery follows Jasmyne over the ring steps. Mystery waits for Jasmyne to stand again then clips her knees from behind. Jasmyne falls to the ground. Mystery rolls Jasmyne back into the ring & wraps her leags around the ring-post. Mystery whacks Jasmyne's left knee against the ring-post then applies a Figure-4 Leg-Lock with Jasmyne still in the same position. There's nothing the ref can do to convince her to break the hold. Terina runs outside the ring & kicks Mystery in the side of the head, causing her to releases the hold. D'Zee grabs Terina's head & rams her face into the ring-post. Mystery begins to get back up & D'Zee punches her square in the face. D'Zee gets back in the ring & drags Jasmyne back to the middle away from the ropes. D'Zee goes for a cover...*

1...




2...




TIFFANY BREAKS IT UP!

*Tiffany slides right back into the ring & does a Baseball Slide right into D'Zee. Tiffany's forehead is cut open & she's bleeding. D'Zee looks at Tiffany in confusion. Tiffany begins slapping & scrabbing at D'Zee. D'Zee backs up towards a corner as Tiffany shows some surprising ferocity. D'Zee is a little confused by the sudden fire Tiffany is showing. Tiff has managed to back D'Zee right into a corner & is still slapping away at her as D'Zee tries to cover up. Eventually, D'Zee tires of this & lands a blow right on Tiffany's jaw. Tiff crumples right over from the forceful punch. D'Zee stands proudly & places a foot on Tiffany's chest...*

1...




2...




KICKOUT!

*Tiffany actually shows a bit of wrestling aptitude when she grabs D'Zee's leg & manouveres into an Ankle Lock. D'Zee & the audience are in a state of shock. The rest of the GNDs look on in shock as D'Zee scrambles to get to the ropes. D'Zee manages to get a hold of the ropes, but the match is no DQ. D'Zee uses all her leg strength to drag Tiffany forward. She sends Tiffany sailing out through the ropes & Tiff crashes into the Cell wall. Jasmyne again jumps onto D'Zee' back. D'Zee leaps backwards allowing her weight to crush Jasmyne. D'Zee locks a Single Leg Crab onto Jasmyne. Mystery goes in to break the hold, but Terina follows her closely & manages to stop her, Terina traps Mystery in an STF. Mystery & Jasmyne are both clearly suffering in these holds. The referee keeps checking on both women. Jasmyne manges to reverse out of the Single Leg Crab by reaching back & grabbing one of D'Zee's legs, trapping her in the hold herself. Mystery manages to roll over in the STF so that Terina's shoulders are on the mat...*

1...




2...




JASMYNE BREAKS IT UP!

*Jasmyne quickly releases the hold on D'Zee & attacks Mystery, causing her to break the cover on Terina. D'Zee is quick to take advantage of being free, she hits Jasmyne in the back of the head with a stiff forearm shot. Jasmyne quickly goes down. D'Zee aims a shot at Terina. Terina ducks it & D'Zee spins around, hitting nothing but air. Mystery & Terina position themselves under D'Zee's arms & give her a Double Backdrop Driver. D'Zee nurses her head, but Terina & Mystery's alliance is short-lived once again. Terina quickly plants Mystery with the "Lucky Shot" & makes a cover...*

1...




2...




TIFFANY BREAKS IT UP!

*Tiffany shows more determination than ever as she slides into the ring & breaks up the cover, even though she does so rather sloppily. Tiffany picks up the chair that still lies in the ring from earlier in the match. She belts Terina with the chair. Terina crumples in a heap. Mystery gets up & clubs Tiffany in the back. Tiff drops the chair, but she turns around & kicks Mystery in the gut. Mystery doubles over & Tiff delivers the "Implant DDT" on to the chair, barely elevating Mystery enough off the ground sufficiently to hit the move properly. Tiff makes the cover on Mystery...*

1...




2...





JASMYNE BREAKS IT UP!

*Tiffany looks at Jasmyne a little bit hurt. She looks to be on the verge of tears. Tiffany was moments from winning the title & Jasmyne cost her the shot. Tiffany's lip is beginning to quiver. Jasmyne is also looking saddened. They fall into eachother's arms, both crying. Jasmyne holds Tiffany close, her hands creep down Tiffany's back & grasp a firm hold of Tiffany's buttocks. Tiff still hasn't got over the anguish she suffered when Jasmyne broke up her pinning attempt to notice the hands on her rear. Jasmyne snakes one of her legs behind Tiffany & sweeps her to the mat. Jasmyne sits on Tiffany's chest & grabs Tiff's legs. Tiffany squirms to get free but can't manage it. The referee slides in to make the count...*

1...





2...





D'ZEE BREAKS IT UP!

*D'Zee kicks Jasmyne rather stiffly in the back causing her to release the cover on Tiffany. Tiffany is still looking upset by Jasmyne's betrayal. D'Zee clocks Jasmyne with a huge right. Tiffany congratulates D'Zee. D'Zee turns around to look at Tiffany. D'Zee cocks an eyebrow so high it would give The Rock pause. D'Zee hits Tiffany with a brutal looking punch. Not enough to knock her out, but enough to knock her to the ground. D'Zee clamps her powerful thighs around Tiffany's head & twists. She has Tiffany trapped in the Ghetto Neck Snap. Tiffany is looking around desperately for someone to come to her aid. Jasmyne is barely getting up. The pain for Tiffany is absolutely excruciating. She's mere seconds away from submitting. She raises a hand to tap the mat. Terina lands on D'Zee with a Springboard Leg Drop, causing the hold to be broken much to Tiffany's relief. Tiffany grasps at her neck. She rubs it & tries to look up. Terina grabs Tiffany's hair & twists Tiffany around, dropping her with a Neckbreaker. Tiffany lies on the mat, clutching her neck again. Terina drags Tiffany over to the ropes & hangs her out on the second rope, Terina rebounds off the opposite side & smashes a knee into the back of Tiffany's neck. Tiffany falls back onto the mat. Terina is about to pin Tiffany when Jasmyne tackles her.*

*Jasmyne takes Terina down with a kind of Spear/Double Leg Takedown & begins banging Terina's head off the mat. It's mere seconds before it's descended into the usual Catfight nonsense. Jasmyne seems to be enjoying it a tad too much. Terina manages to force Jasmyne off her, but Jasmyne leaps right back on top of Terina & proceeds to roll around all over again. Terina shoves Jasmyne off her once more. Before Jasmyne can get on top of Terina again Mystery rolls her up from behind...*

1...





2...





TERINA BREAKS IT UP!

*Terina delivers a sharp kick to Mystery. Mystery recoils. Terina wraps her legs around Jasmyne's body in the "Boa Constrictor". Terina is trying to exert as much pressure as possible. Jasmyne seems to be enjoying it... like really, REALLY enjoying it. Terina quickly releases the hold when she hears Jasmyne moan in delight. Jasmyne lies in the same position on the mat, asking Terina to wrap her strong legs around her again. Terina backs off uneasily. She's barely concentrating on what's happening around her when D'Zee plants her with a DDT. The other GNDs move in to stop D'Zee making the cover. Jasmyne, Tiffany & Mystery all work together to drive D'Zee back into a corner, pounding away at her. Mystery sets the sufficiently dizzy...um... D'Zee up on the top rope & aims to hit a Superplex on her. Mystery climbs up to the top rope herself, but Jasmyne & Tiffany go right up after her & position themselves under her for a double Backdrop Driver. Terina sneaks in under Tiff & Jasmyne to Powerbomb them. All the ladies go tumbling over in a Tower of DOOOOOOOM! D'Zee takes the brunt of the impact, but the other three GNDs are hurting as well. Terina crawls over to make a cover on D'Zee...*

1...



2...



KICKOUT!

*When that fails, Terina crawls over to Mystery & covers...*

1...




2...




KICKOUT!

*Terina casts a glance over at Tiffany & Jasmyne who are already beginning to stir. Terina drags Tiffany up to her feet & prepares to nail her with "The Torrent". Terina places Tiffany's head between her legs & indicates she's going for her finisher, but before she can even heave Tiffany over her shoulders, Jasmyne comes dashing over & uses Tiffany's back as a stepping stone to leap over & hit "All That Jas" on Terina. Terina squirms to escape as Jasmyne sits with her legs around Terina's head. D'Zee has grabbed the referee's shirt to get back to her feet, keeping the official away from making the count. Jasmyne writhes around as she sits on Terina's face. Terina gets more & more frantic & Jasmyne gets more & more turned on! Mystery hits a Neckbreaker on Jasmyne to break up the pin just as D'Zee gets back to her feet & the referee is able to see the action again.*

*Mystery turns her attention towards D’Zee, hitting her with some stiff forearms to the head of the New York native. With D’Zee reeling back in the direction of the ropes, Mystery makes a dash towards her and connects with a clothesline that sends D’Zee over the top rope and to the floor, her back slamming against the fence-linked cell behind her. Meanwhile, Jasmyne has forced Terina into a ring corner and unleashes a pair of sharp chops to the chest of the TJT member. Jasmyne licks her hand to the crowd’s delight, knowing that she’s setting up for one final shot to Terina’s chest, but the brunette socialite prevents it with a eye rake, stunning the East Indian beauty. Terina switches places with Jasmyne, forcing her against the turnbuckles. She works her opponent down with a barrage of punches to the stomach before hoisting Jasmyne up to the top turnbuckle. Terina scales to the top herself and looks to put Jasmyne away with a superplex, but Jasmyne blocks it by holding onto the rope. After a few failed attempts to lift her opponent, Terina breaks out of the position with the attention to work down on Jasmyne, only to be pulled into a surprise kiss from Jasmyne. The male majority crowd goes wild at the lip-lock. Seconds later, Terina forcefully pulls away from the embrace and has a look of shock and disgust on her face, while Jasmyne smiles seductively before pushing Terina off the top rope and to the outside of the ring. On the way down, Terina collides face-first with the fence of the cell before landing hard on the arena floor.*

*With Terina looking to be in a unconscious state, Jasmyne turns her attention towards the other competitors in the match. Before she can step off the top turnbuckle though, Mystery catches her off-guard and sinks in the Mandible Claw while Jasmyne is still seated on the top turnbuckle. The “exotic and erotic” Jasmyne struggles to free herself, but as her body language begin to show signs of fatigue, it looks like Mystery has things in complete control. Suddenly, Jasmyne shows that she still has some fight left in her as she wraps her legs around Mystery’s head and applies a modified version of the triangle choke, all while Mystery still maintains the mandible claw on her. Jasmyne shifts her body from the turnbuckle to the rope beside her, where she leans back to add more pressure to her hold as she puts herself into a position similar to Candice Michelle’s hanging figure four necklock. Still, Mystery refuses to release the mandible claw, even as it appears that she is having problems keeping her feet on the ground as Jasmyne leans back further. Realizing that she has a rare opportunity to capitalize in the match, Tiffany rushes over and dumps Mystery over the top rope, sending both her and Jasmyne to the arena floor right next to the motionless Terina. With both Mystery and Jasmyne seem to be completely drained from submission dual they had, it seems Tiffany is the only Girl Next Door left standing. Unfortunately for her, she has no idea that a rejuvenated D’Zee has slide back into the ring and is waiting for Tiffany to turn back around and face her. It would be the biggest mistake Tiffany would make in the match, for as she turns around, she walks right into a picture perfect straight right to the jaw from the experienced female boxer known as D’Zee. She impact echoes throughout the arena and the crowd can only look on in shock as Tiffany falls in a heap, knocked completely out cold from the stiff punch. Far from satisfied with the damage she has done to the recent Playboy pinup, D’Zee hits the ropes and hits a legdrop squarely across Tiffany’s neck, which she quickly follows up by locking in the Ghetto Neck Snap. She orders the referee to check Tiffany’s arm, which he does to see if Tiffany is still conscious. After raising her arm and letting it drop once, the referee can tell that Tiff is completely out of it and immediately calls for the bell. The timekeeper rings the object and “Ghetto Bird” begins to play. TG stands up with microphone in hand and makes the outcome of the match official.*

TG: Here is your winner… and NEW GND Champion… D~ZEE!!!

*As the referee returns into the ring from retrieving the GND title to present to the victor, he sees that D’Zee still has the limped Tiffany locked in her submission hold. He quickly rushes to her and tries to talk her out of releasing the hold. After seconds of refusing to cooperate, D’Zee spots the title belt in the ref’s possession and finally breaks the hold and snatches the title away from the ref. Standing up she holds the title over her head to a chorus of boos, the fans clearly no longer as welcomed to the New Yorker’s return as before the match, as well as showing great sympathy and concern towards Tiffany. As the cell rises up towards the rafters, A fatigued Jasmyne crawls back into the ring and checks on the condition of Tiffany. Mystery and Terina can only look on in disappointment as D’Zee exits the ring with title belt in hand. The African American talks smack to fans on her way up the aisle, pointing towards the title belt over her shoulder. Stopping at the entrance stage, D’Zee turns around and holds the GND title above her in triumph, a pleased grin on her face.*

[Toom E. Guci]

*Todd Grisham stands backstage with A-Bomb.*

Todd: So A-Bomb, what exactly brings you back to EWT to face the boss?

A-Bomb: I already explained my reasons in the past. Why? Because Dangerously is nothing but a two-bit bum who tries to steal the glory from the hardworking men & women. And I ain’t gonna stand around & watch it anymore.

Todd: Why did you agree to a Falls Count Anywhere Match? You are a talented wrestler who has been in the ring more then Mr. Dangerously. So why?

*CRACK!!! Bomb gets smashed over the head with a steel chair. Toom stands above him with the chair in his hand.*

Toom E: THIS IS WHY A FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH!!!

*Toom E turns to the referee he has with him.*

NOW CALL FOR THE DAMN BELL!!!!

*The bell sounds & the match is underway backstage. Toom grabs Bomb to go for a cover, but Bomb kicks out at 2. Toom grabs Bomb & throws him into the backstage set. Toom starts kicking at Bomb. Toom grabs Bomb & bodyslams him on the concrete. Toom drops an elbow & goes for a cover, but Bomb kicks out. Toom starts lifting Bomb up but Bomb breaks the grab & starts throwing punches at Toom. Bomb grabs Toom & throws him into the TV camera, cracking the lenses. Bomb grabs Toom & hit’s a German Suplex on him. Bomb goes for a cover, but Toom gets a shoulder up. Bomb pulls Toom up & throws him at the tables. Bomb grabs Toom & starts throwing punches at him. Bomb climbs up the set scaffolding & drops down with a double axe handle as Toom lay on the table. Toom manages to roll out of the way as Bomb crashes through the table. Toom gets back to his feet, grabbing Bomb by the hair, & pulls him up. Toom grabs Bomb & hit’s a text book suplex onto the hard concrete. Toom hit’s a standing moonsault on Bomb. Toom grabs up Bomb & irish whips him into a door. Toom grabs Bomb by the head & starts bashing the head into the door. Toom then opens the door & throws Bomb into the room. Toom follows him, but is met by kicks from Bomb. Bomb grabs Toom into a bodyslam & runs with him into the wall. This causes a break in the wall. Bomb throws Toom into the wall that’s already broken. Toom literally goes through the wall. *

* Bomb walks through the wall & grabs Toom for a cover. Toom gets his shoulder up. Bomb pulls Toom up & drags him, noticing they are in the garage. Bomb throws Toom into a car. Bomb charges at Toom to give him a boot, but Toom dodges out of the way, as Bomb’s foot goes through the car’s window. Toom starts throwing punches at Bomb as he’s stuck with his foot still in the window. Toom grabs a trash can & smashes it on Bomb’s head. Toom places the trash can on Bomb’s head & grabs a pipe laying down, hitting the can with the pipe. Toom pulls Bomb off the car & bodyslams him on the concrete. Toom goes for a cover, but a weak Bomb manages a kick out. Toom pulls Bomb up by the hair & throws him into the wall. Toom charges at him, but Bomb is able to get a drop toehold on Toom, sending Toom into the wall. Bomb grabs Toom again, smashing him into the concrete wall. This busts Toom open now. Bomb grabs Toom & hip tosses him. Bomb drops a leg on Toom & goes for a cover. Toom manages a shoulder up. Bomb grabs Toom’s legs & applies a Boston Crab on him. Toom cries out in pain as Bomb applies pressure on him. Toom refuses to quit though. Just then, Bomb releases the hold as he is taken out by a clothesline. Standing above Bomb is el Unorigino, who grabs Bomb & throws him into the wall. El Unorigino hits a Hurricanarama on Bomb, sending him into the concrete. As el Unorigino stands above Bomb, he is attacked from behind by el Gran Luchadore. El Gran Luchadore hit’s a German Suplex on Unorigino, releasing him onto a car. El Gran Luchadore climbs to the top of the car & rips off his mask to reveal he is none other then DSR, & leaps off the roof of the car with a 450 Splash onto Unorigino. DSR heads over & grabs Toom, nailing a DDT onto the concrete. He grabs Bomb & drags him over to Toom as the referee counts 1-2.…DSR kicks Bomb in the head, breaking the pin attempt. DSR lifts up Bomb & DDT’s him onto the concrete now. DSR grabs Unoriginal & rips the mask off him to reveal jzbadblood. *

*DSR walks away & opens a door when he is suddenly doused in blue paint. Mprox hit’s a Lou Thesz Press through the door while yelling…*

Mprox: Blue bath, blue bath, blue bath!!!!

*mprox grabs DSR & throws him into the wall. Mprox grabs DSR & hits him with a belly to belly suplex. As mprox gets back to his feet, he is suddenly attacked from behind by Wonderful Wally Washington. WWW starts punching mprox & hits him with a German Suplex of his own. WWW grabs mprox to apply a figure 4 leglock on him. Meanwhile, Bomb staggers back to his feet as a bloody Toom staggers back to his feet. Bomb grabs Toom & hits him with a Bomb Drop on the concrete as he goes for a cover, but the cover is broken up by WWW attacking Bomb. WWW starts throwing punches at Bomb but WWW gets hit from behind by a kendo stick. The kendo stick comes down on WWW multiple times, as the holder of it is a one-armed psychoapeguy. Ape drops the kendo & applies a mandible claw to WWW as Bomb hit’s a scissors kick to Toom. Bomb hits another Bomb Drop on Toom as the referee counts 1-2-3. A-Bomb raises his hand victorious as the referee calls for the bell.*

Announcer: The winner of the match….A-Bomb!!!!!

*Medics check on a bloody & unconscious Toom E Dangerously as Stevie Richards runs out & jumps in the arms of A-Bomb. The 2 embrace as we cut back to ringside.*

[Toom E. Guci]

*And it is now time for the main event! The lights fade to dark blue and black, as “No Quarter” by Led Zeppelin plays over the sound system. The capacity crowd rises, as Andy Duke walks out, looking very serious. He high-fives fans on the way to the ring. Once in the ring, he looks up into the luxury boxes.

Joey Styles: I think I know who he’s looking for.

Jim Ross: Yes, its pretty obvious, based on that phone call a bit ago.

A blues-rock chord is struck, and the Black Crowes' "Remedy" blares throughout the arena. Davies, holding his belt in the air with one hand, is surprised to be met with a mixed reaction. Shrugging, he lets whatever boos he receives slide off his back, and makes his way down the ramp, his belt slung over his shoulder.

Styles: The champ seems a little thrown off by some of the boos.

JR: I'm not so surprised. Duke is clearly the crowd favorite, and Davies hasn't made his motives any clearer than wanting to keep that belt. And with the determination he's showing, this goal just might be attainable tonight.

*With both men in the ring, the lights focus in on the ring, and we are ready for the pre-match introductions!

Howard Finkel: The following is your Crap-a-Mania Cinco Main Event!

*The Crowd Cheers*

Finkel: It is scheduled for one fall, and will have a time-limit of 60 minutes. If there is no winner at the end of that 60 minutes, the champion shall retain. First…the challenger!

*The Crowd Cheers Again*

Finkel: Weighing in tonight at 217 and three-quarter pounds. He hails from Chewelah, Washington; The Heart of the Colville Valley. He is a former EWT World Tag Team Champion, the founder of the Cidal Squad, and the Number One Contender to the EWT World Heavyweight Champion…..the man we once called “Insecticidal”….THIS…IS…ANDY….DUUUUUUUKE!!!

*A loud cheer by the crowd*

Finkel: And to my left…the champion...

*Dave Davies is met with a mixed reaction, which Davies reacts with a mocking shrug.*

Finkel: He weighed in tonight at 268 pounds...*Davies yells out "WEIGHT LOSS"*...He hails from Steven's Point, Wisconsin....He is your current, reigning, and defending EWT World Heavyweight Champion....He...is...DAVIIIIIIIID DAVIEEEEEEES!

*With both men’s introductions, complete, the referee holds takes the belt from Davies, shows it to Andy Duke, asks both men if they understand the rules, holds the belt high in the air for all to see, and signals the time-keeper to ring the bell. This match is underway!

Styles: Here we go!

JR: Your main event for Crap-a-Mania Cinco is on!

Styles: Lets hope it delivers!

JR: I’m sure it will!

*Both men circle inside around each other the ring, neither wanting to make a hasty move that could put them at a disadvantage. Finally, both men go for a headlock! Davies powers out of it, and throws Duke down onto the ground. He quickly gets up, as Davies taunts him to “bring it”. Both men go for another headlock, but Duke is able to slip out, and traps Davies in a hammerlock. Duke lets go of the lock, and hits Davies with a dropkick, knocking him down. Duke now taunts Davies.

Styles: Oh!

JR: A taste of his own medicine.

Styles: That may only anger the champion, though.

*Davies gets back up, and hits Duke with a vicious chop to the chest. Duke returns the favor. Davies hits another, and Duke once again returns it. These two men engage in a vicious chop battle, with Davies having the clear advantage. Davies goes for one more chop, but Duke ducks it. However, when Duke turns around, he gets hit with another vicious chop, sending him down to the mat. Duke’s chest is already bruised, and beginning to bleed, while Davies’ is only a dark red.

*Duke gets back up, and he is visibly frustrated. However, the crowd begins to get behind him with “Lets go Duke!” chants. Davies hit’s a series of low kicks to the back of Andy’s legs. Davies goes for a mid kick to the hip, but Duke is able to catch Davies leg, and takes him down with a Judo takedown. He still holds onto the leg, and is able to turn Davies over and locks in a single-leg Boston Crab. Davies is in pain, as Duke really torques Davies’ leg as well. The crowd is behind Duke, and he may get a fluke early victory here. But no! Davies gets to the ropes. The ref begins his rope-break count.

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2

3

4

*Andy has no choice but to break the hold. The last thing he would want to do is to get disqualified in a match as important as this. As Davies recovers in the corner, Duke sprints towards him and attempts to hit a shining wizard! But Davies reverses it, catching Duke, and hitting him with a GANSO BOMB; dropping him right on his head and neck!

Styles: That might be the match!

JR: That might be Duke’s career. I’ve seen my fair share of neck injuries, and I may need to add another one to that list.

*Davies “dusts his hands” (by slapping/clapping them together). He takes his time going for his cover.

Styles: Normally, I would say Davies needs to go for a cover soon, but I think this match is in the bag. Duke may not be able to walk out of here, let alone kick out.

*Davies goes for the cover;

1

2

3.….NO!

*Duke kicks out!

Styles: OH MY GOD!

JR: How the hell did he kick out?!?!

*Davies, on his knees, looks frustrated, and stunned at the referee. Duke rolls over onto his stomach, and begins to get back up to his feet very slowly, his legs wobbly like spaghetti. Davies hits him with a series of forearms to the head, and then runs into the ropes. He goes for a lariat, but Duke ducks. When Davies turns around, Duke hit’s a lariat of his own, and falls down! Both men are down!

JR: For those of you who don’t know, these two have had Crap-a-Mania history together. Last year at Crap-a-Mania, Duke, along with Jonathan Doe, beat the Nyrds, a team managed by Davies, in a ladder gauntlet for the tag titles.

Styles: Can lightning strike twice for Mr. Duke?

JR: Well, at this rate, we may have a draw!

Styles: Davies has hit Duke with a huge amount of high-impact offense, but nothing can seem to keep him down!

JR: Except maybe now.

Styles: Right you are.

*The referee begins his double-down count

1

2

3

*Neither man stirs.

4

5

6

*Davies begins to stir.

7

8

9

*Davies rolls out of the ring, thus ending the referee’s count. Duke begins to rise in the ring, while Davies rises outside. Duke gets to his feet, while Davies does the same on the outside. Duke looks at the crowd, and points at Davies. He begins to run in place, and goes into the ropes. It looks as though he’s going to go for a tope of sorts! He rebounds off the ropes, runs towards Davies, vaults over the top rope, but lands on the apron, faking Davies out. While on the apron, Duke turns around and attempts an Assai Moonsault. However, Davies was farther away than Duke thought, and he catches him and…hits a backdrop driver….on the floor!!!

JR: I know we’ve said this a few times already, but we’re serious this time…I don’t see how Andy Duke will possibly be able to come out of this match walking.

Styles: I think Davies’ size and strength is just too much for Duke to overcome. But hey, one thing I’ve learned in watching Duke’s career is you can never count him out. He is a very surprising athlete.

JR: That he is. One or two moves can easily turn this whole match around.

*Davies rolls back into the ring, and the referee begins a ring out count.

1

2

3

Styles: This is bad, JR. Davies really rocked him with that backdrop driver, and a return from that would, quite frankly, shock me.

JR: I hear that, Joey. Duke is tough, but Davies might have his number...

Styles: OH MY GOD!

*As the count reaches eight, Duke manages to crawl about halfway in underneath the ropes. Davies, furious, meets him with a series of boots. Duke continues climbing in.

JR: Tonight could very well be the greatest in Andy Duke's life. The amount of heart shown by this man has been incredible.

*Duke has seemingly learned how to hulk up, as Dave delivers as many strikes as he can muster to the rising challenger. As Duke is one knee, raising himself up to both feet, Dave whirls around, and throws Andy his spinning backfist, nearly knocking Duke head over heels. Davies lowers himself down to the mat, rolling Andy over, and hooks his leg, secure in what is a surefire win.

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2



NO!

*Duke had been too close to the ropes, and escaped loss by grabbing the bottom rope. Dave is furious once more, and backs away from Duke, knees bent, ready to strike Duke when he rises again. Duke, for his part, manages to rise pretty quickly, upon which Dave charges him, arm outstretched for a lariat. Duke suddenly dives back down to the mat, as Dave hits nothing, save for the ropes, which he immediately goes sailing over.
Duke is already preparing a follow-up. Waiting for Dave to stand the slightest bit, Duke springs to the top rope, twisting in mid-air. Springboarding off the top, Duke manages the Asai Moonsault he'd been looking for earlier! Both men are laid out at ringside, and the ref, with no other choice, begins his count.

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2

3

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5

Styles: Neither man looks able to continue, JR! This is incredible!

JR: This is just an example of how badly Davies wants to keep his belt, and how badly Duke wants to take it!

*Duke manages to reach his feet and roll into the ring before the final ten count, rolling back outside to restart it. By this time Dave is rising. When Duke goes for a punch, Davies side steps him, and Russian Leg Sweeps him into the apron. Dave returns to his feet, yanking Duke into a powerbomb position. Without any grandstanding, Davies whirls around, and powerbombs him into the rails!

Styles: Good God...his back must...his back must be destroyed by now!

*Davies doesn't wait for Duke to rise again, but instead pulls him off the floor, and rolls him into the ring manually. Davies climbs in, and quickly ascends the top rope.

JR: This isn't smart strategy of Davies' part, Joey. Davies might be known to come off the top rope every now and then, but now would NOT be a good time to give up his advantage.

Styles: This could go either way JR...

*Davies sails off the top, looking for a knee drop. It looks for all the world that Davies has it in the bag, if not for Duke rolling out of harms way at the very last second. Hollering in pain over landing on his knees, Davies' yelling is cut short as Duke comes from behind with a bulldog.
Duke follows up immediately, pulling Dave into another half crab, on the very leg he'd stretched before. As Dave scrambles for the nearest rope, Duke continues to torque on Dave's leg, almost as if he were looking to rip it right off.

Styles: Duke can smell it JR, he smells victory in the distance, and its coming closer!

The hold is kept on for a solid two minutes, Davies s-l-o-o-o-o-o-w-l-y tugging and crawling for the bottom ropes, his fingertips grazing the closest one before Duke stands up, pulls Davies back into the middle of the ring, and locks on the half crab once more.

JR: THIS IS IT! DAVIES HAS NOWHERE TO RUN!

*Left with no other alternative, Dave begins to push his upper body up with his hands, alleviating some of the pain. Dave crawls slightly, before tucking his head down into his chest. Davies manages to roll a little bit, and escape the hold, pulling Duke along with him. Duke is pulled to the ground, the hold relinquished, as Davies gingerly begins to rise. His face is a picture of a less than pleased man.

Styles: JR, I think...that Dave Davies is angry.

*Davies pulls, and I do mean pulls, Duke to his feet by his hair, and Duke immediately fights back with a knee to Dave's gut. Dave is doubled over, leaving Duke time to run to the ropes, and run back to Dave, possibly with a clothesline or a leg lariat. We don't get to find out, as Dave immediately comes back to a standing position, and backdrop drivers Andy nearly out of his boots.
The recoil from the driver is so much that Duke almost immediately rolls to his feet, though not exactly in a clear state of mind. Absent mindedly rushing Dave, Dave turns around in time to throw a devastating lariat, one that knocks Duke right back down to the mat. Dave immediately throws his weight down on the challenger, hooking Duke's leg, and the ref falls to the ground, hand slapping the mat.

1

2


3!!

*The crowd reacts in surprise, but a good lot of them cheer as the bell rings in Dave's favor. As the referee hands Dave his title back, Dave falls to one knee, raising his arm into the air, throwing a peace sign up, and screams out "DAVEY NO KACHIIIIII! (Victory for Davey)"

Finkel: Here is your winner, and STILL champion...David Davies!

*The crowd cheers a little more this time, having accepted Davies' win over Duke. Dave, for his part, makes his way over to the downed Duke, and although he is less than conscious, Dave pulls his right hand up, and shakes it, before letting it drop, and leaving the ring, his championship belt held high over his head.

© EWT 2008