Can you help with my health problems?

[Not in the Face!!!]

So I followed the advice you often post with your inductions. You know poke out eardrums smash genitals, gouge eyes dental surgury and so on. Well I believe you are wrong I was much happier before I was blind, crippled, deaf, impotent and paralyzed (well you wern't wrong with rappin' Randy Savage man that sucked hard). So I was wondering if you could recomend a place for carp related injuries, I would also like to recomend some new ways to describe crappiness I tested them myself and they are more accurate, ...is as entertaining as prison shower time, .. .so bad I would rather listen to my hand in a garbage disposal, ...I would rather eat the lost food in the booger man's crevaces, ...I would not watch it again if you naild my testicles to the ground infront of the TV and my personal favorite it sucked as much as being the meat in a rikishi May Young love sandwich.
P.S. how do you get bamboo out from underneeth your finger nails

[Lenny: Smooth like Keith Stone]

I would rather wear a crotchless Speedo to a pool party at Rico's house.

Maybe that was a little too graphic....

[tikitattoo]

I still love the one from Bloodhound Gang: "I would rather slurp rancid tuna salad from my own ass" as well as Al Bundy's classic: "I would rather play naked Twister with a different member of The Golden Girls every day of the week".