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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 27, 2005 8:14:27 GMT -5
*Toomi Bischoff is walking backstage when he & Ogre bump into Spaz.*
Spaz, Spaz, Spaz-a-roo...I heard your little speech in the ring & have done some thinking about your thoughts. And here is my answer, my friend.
You are NOT the #1 contender. You do NOT equal ratings. Hell, Stone Age was the lowest buyrate pay per view because I decided to give you the ball. Ogre, show Spaz what he did with the ball.
*Ogre is holding a basketball & flattens it in his hands, then drops it.*
Ogre: That good, Rog?
TB: Shut up Ogre. But, that's it right there. You lost the Ox Division Championship. You didn't live up to words. EWT lost money. And you have not even earned the #1 Contendership. Not in a long run. But soon, real soon, I will announce the #1 Contender who will get a shot this Monday on The Maim Event. Now, let's go Ogre. We got things to do.
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on May 27, 2005 8:32:56 GMT -5
*Hoss Matthews is shown backstage*
Hoss: I'm here with the Heartbreak Hitman Bret Michaels, who has a big announcement. Bret, just what is that announcement?
HBH: Hoss, I've been thinking over the past few days, and what I've been thinking is that I should have my own talk show. And you know what? That's exactly what's going to happen, because next week will be the debut of my talk show. It will be bigger than any other talk show in history. It will be bigger than Carlito's Cabana, the Highlight Reel, and the almighty Piper's Pit. And the name of this show will be... the Heartbreak Hotel!
Hoss: There you have it, folks. Next week will be the debut of the Heartbreak Hotel hosted by the Heartbreak Hitman.
*Fade to commercial*
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Post by Poker Joker on May 27, 2005 8:42:03 GMT -5
(SETTING: MEXICO -- Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark is trying to hitch a ride to the U.S. Mexican border. He is standing on a roadside with his thumb in the air. Car after car passes him by as he desperately waves his outstretched arm. Finally, a pick-up slows down and stops beside Ubermark.)
*BU*: (TRANSLATED FROM SPANISH) Hola! Um.... Are you going north?
*Driver of Truck*: Si! We are heading north, senior!
*BU*: Can you give a guy a lift?
(The driver of the truck and his passenger look at one another.)
*Driver of Truck*: I don't know, amigo. We are hauling these chickens in the back to a market for our boss. He doesn't like us to pick up hitchhikers.
*BU*: Well, he wouldn't mind if you picked ME up. I'm a celebrate around here.
*Passenger of Truck*: A celebrate?
*BU*: That's right, pal. I'm a full-fledged celebrate. I used to wrestle in the Mexican Wrestling Federation.
*Driver of Truck*: Really? Hey, now that you mention it, you do look kind of familiar. Who were you?
*BU*: Does this ring a bell? (Billy strikes a cocky pose with one finger up in the air)
*Driver and Passenger (in unison)*: No.
*BU* (almost shocked): How about this? This was my catch phrase.... "Step aside, gringo, or you'll get your ass kicked by....." (Billy waits, hoping the two men will finish the phrase).
*Driver of Truck* (puzzled): Hulk Hogan?
*Passenger of Truck (puzzled): Erick Estrada?
*BU*: (disappointed) Noooooo! Don Flamingo!
*Driver of Truck* (suddenly very excited): Don Flamingo?! You are Don Flamingo?!
*BU*: Ah, so those late night sessions with twelve pack of Corona HAVEN'T killed off all of your brain cells.
*Driver of Truck*: You once fought El Chupacabra for the M.W.F. Cruirserweight Championship.
*BU*: YES! I remember that! That's how I won my first title!
*Driver of Truck*: Si, senior! That was one hell of a match!
*BU*: (now beaming with pride) I'm glad you liked it. Now how about that lift?
*Passenger of Truck*: Well, I don't know....
*Driver of Truck*: Pillipe! We cannot leave him hear on the side of the road! This is Don Flamingo! He took the M.W.F. Cruiserweight Championship away from El Chupacabra! He is a legend here in Mexico! The boss won't mind!
*BU*: Yeah, Phillipe! The boss won't mind!
*Passenger of Truck*: Are you sure, Manuel?
*BU*: Sure he's sure!
*Driver of Truck*: Sure I'm sure! Get on board, Don Flamingo!
*BU*: Great!
(Billy starts to open the door of the truck, but the driver stops him.)
*Driver of Truck*: Uhhhh... I am afraid you cannot get into the cab of the truck with us, Don Flamingo. Phillipe, here.... he gets a little,...um.... how you say, Chlosterphobic.
*Passenger of Truck*: Si! It's bad enough with just the two of us. If you get in here, too, I'll go stir crazy and break into a fit of rage.
*BU*: Oh.... I thought you were going to give me a ride.
*Driver of Truck*: Oh, but we are, Senior Don Flamingo! Unfortunately, you must ride in the back of the truck.
(Billy looks in the back of the truck and sees crates of clucking chickens with feathers flying up from them.)
*BU*: With the birds?
*Driver of Truck*: Si, senoir. With the birds.
*BU*: Well,.... um... I guess its better than walking. Muchas gracias.
*Driver of Truck*: De nada, Senior Flamingo. De nada.
*Passenger of Truck*: If you get lonely back there, Senior Flamingo, you can always talk to my pet monkey, Cheech! He rides back there, too!
(Billy looks into the back of the truck again to see a small monkey sitting on one of the crates, picking its ass. The monkey looks back at him and starts screaching.)
*BU*: Great.
(Billy takes a whiff as he climbs into the back of the truck and wrinkles his nose at the awful smell of the chickens. The truck starts moving as Billy steps over the end gate, and Billy is flung forward by its lurching start. He bangs his head on the back of the cab, and slumps down against the crates of chickens, which become quite noisey as they're disturbed by Billy's movements. He ends up sitting down, staring at Cheech the Monkey, who stares back at him.)
*BU*: What are you looking at?
(Cheech starts screeching, again, and goes back to picking his ass.)
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El Unorigino
AC Slater
iTotally NOT an alt!
RIP, Huracan Ramirez
Posts: 144
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Post by El Unorigino on May 27, 2005 8:50:28 GMT -5
*Joel and Mike walk into their locker rooms and find a pair of gift-wrapped packages. Joel picks up one and Mike picks up the other. They look at each other, shrug, then happily tear into the packages.
Joel: It's the...
Mike: ...stable title belts!
*Mike finds a card that reads "iOLE!"
Joel: I think this means...
Mike: ...that Unorigino wants us to hold the stable title with him!
Joel and Mike, simultaneously: HIGH FIVE!
*They miss. End scene.
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Post by Moxie loves Natalie on May 27, 2005 9:06:59 GMT -5
Maria is still standing there, wet and all, since after the heiden-dorf / Snitsky fight. Moxie walks up, expecting an interview. Maria just stands there, cold as a tombstone, with her eyes wide open.
Moxie: Maria, you okay?
She stand there even longer, no expression on her face.
Moxie: Hmmm. This interview is going to happen one way or another.
Moxie steals the microphone from her hand, and moves the camera on him.
Moxie (in girly voice): Moxie, your nemesis, The Billy...
The camera pans to the left to see Moxie standing there normally.
Moxie (in normal voice): You mean Billy Ubermark?
Pans again
Moxie (girly): Oh yeah, him, ummm... <rolls eyes and twirls hair, pretending to chew gum> what umm, do you think of him?
<The crowd can be heard laughing hysterically, as Moxie does his own interview>
pans back to the right, seeing the normal Moxie
Moxie (normal): You know what i think of him, Moxia! and with him out of my way there's nothing that can stop me from doing what i want.
Moxia (moxie in girly voice): oh, and what do you want, Mox?
Moxie: It's simple, I want to wrestle a real wrestler. Not some limpwristed self loving loser... and Illegal immigrant, in Billy Ubermark. So, I'm moving on... Not for any other reason, than to make it good for the fans. I told Toomi Bischoff that I want to help make the EWT better, and I guarantee, that I will do whatever it takes. I have one message for you Moxia...
There's one person in the EWT that i think I can do this with... El Unorigino, your one of the best luchadores in the business today, and i'm one of the best technical wrestlers in the business. Lets go.
<Moxie turns to leave, but looks back.>
Oh, but Billy, It's not over. Not far from. have fun in Mexico, cause when you come back, i'm going to make some chillitos out of you.
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on May 27, 2005 9:21:24 GMT -5
(backstage Ultimo Chocula is once again about to watch Jasmine St. Claire eat a banana when Michael Cole walks up to him.)
Cole: "Ultimo. Can I get a word with you?"
UC: "Not now, man. I'm not missing this again."
Cole: "But......I was hoping to get your thoughts on..."
UC: "I've never been more serious than I am right now when I say 'Go away!'"
Cole: "This won't take long. You know, PZA has been saying a lot of things about you and your belt there and I was wondering...."
UC: (turns to Cole suddenly) "PiZzA says a lot of things, usually in a nasaly whine "Wha wha wha. Nobody likes me. Wha wha wha. I can't get taken seriously. Wha wha wha. I dress like hobo and and I have a stupid ugly butt.' I've heard five year old girls who complain less. But the simple matter is that little beezo is simply not good enough to step in the ring with me, much less take the Gene Rayburn Memorial title. Now, can I get back to...."
(Ultimo looks back as St. Claire is throwing a banana peel in the trash.)
UC: "Oh no. Did you just eat that whole thing?"
JSC: "Uh huh. It was a good too."
UC: "Uhhh...Are you still hungry?"
JSC: "Not really. Why do you keep asking me that?"
(St. Claire walks off as UC turns back to Cole.)
UC: "See, this is why nobody likes you. (smacks Cole in the back of the head and walks off.)
(Cuts to commercial for Sudso brand laundry soap and brownie mix.)
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Post by Poker Joker on May 27, 2005 13:59:13 GMT -5
(SETTING: Mexico -- The scene opens up late at night in a deserted wooded area. A pick-up truck pulls up and stops. Two men, Phillipe and Manuel, get out of the truck.)
*Manuel*: Yes. This is perfect. Get the gringo, Phillipe.
(Phillipe chuckles as he goes to the back of the truck and shouts into it.)
*Phillipe*: Hey! Senior! Time to wake up!
(From out of the back of the truck steps Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark. He has chicken feathers hanging off of his shirt, and his hair is messed up. Right behind him comes Cheech, the butt-picking monkey.)
*BU*: (Yawning) Are we there?
*Phillipe*: Si, Senior! We are there!
(Billy gets out of the truck and looks around.)
*BU*: This is it?
*Manuel*: Oh, yes, senior! This is it, alright!
*BU*: This is the border? Which way do I go?
(Manuel and Phillipe both begin to chuckle.)
*Manuel*: The border. It is not here, senior. But this IS IT, for you. (Manuel pulls a rifle from out of the window of the truck) Take off your clothes.
*BU*: (startled) Huh?
*Manuel*: TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES, GRINGO!
*BU*: But I... I thought you were a fan of mine.
*Manuel*: Fan?! (He spits on the ground) PTHU!
*BU*: But you... you saw my match with El Chupacabra! You said it was great!
*Manuel*: Oh! It WAS great, amigo! Until you decided to CHEAT and hit him in the HEAD WITH THE TITLE BELT IN ORDER TO WIN!
*BU*: I didn't hit him in the head with....
*Manuel*: (interrupting as he cocks the rifle) Yes, you DID! I saw it with my own eyes. I was in the crowd!
*BU*: Are you sure you saw things right? I mean, could the guy in front of you have maybe gotten in your way?
*Manuel*: I was in the front row, gringo!
*BU*: (shrugs his shoulders) OK.... I admit I had the belt in my hands, and .... well, maybe I DID give him a little love tap with the belt.
*Manuel*: A LOVE TAP?! You busted his damn skull wide open... through his mask, even.
*BU*: OK, DAMN IT! I hit him with the belt! I clobbered him with it! Who cares, anyways. El Chupacabra wasn't half as talented as me, and his costume sucked. He looked like a cross between a dinosaur and Cousin It from "The Addams Family." He was a joke.
*Manuel*: He was my nephew, Paco!
*BU*: Oops! .... And you're doing this because I busted his face open.
*Manuel*: No. I agree with you. Paco was a joke. But, you see, I had $700 pesos on him to beat your gringo-ass into a mud pie. And he WOULD have. But you had to go and CHEAT to get your victory.
*BU*: Well.... I... Uh....
*Manuel*: You'll take off your clothes! NOW!!!
*BU*: Alright! Alright!
(Billy strips down to his briefs while Phillipe and Manuel watch.)
*BU*: OK!! There you go! What now?!
*Manuel*: Kick your clothes over here.
(Billy kicks his clothes over, and Phillipe picks them up.)
*Manuel*: Now start running.
*BU*: Where to?
*Manuel*: That's not our problem, gringo. That's your problem. Now you've got until the count of ten, before I start shooting you in the feet.
*BU*: My feet? Why the hell...
*Manuel*: 9......8.....
*BU*: Wait! Hold on here! Maybe I can get you your money back...!
*Manuel*: Too late, gringo! 6....5....
*BU*: 6?! What happened to 7?!
*Manuel*: Quit talking and start running, gringo! 3...2
(Billy takes off into the trees. As he does so, a gun shot rings out, and a bullet ricochets off of a tree next to him.)
*BU*: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
(Billy screams as he runs off into the woods for his life, dodging bullets behind trees. Behind him, Phillipe and Manuel laugh as rifle shots ring out into the night.)
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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 27, 2005 20:21:28 GMT -5
*Toomi Bischoff walks out of the NBC Execs office where Ogre is waiting outside for him.*
Ogre: Well Rog, how'd it go?
TB: I told you Ogre, it's Toomi not Rog.
Ogre: Oh, sorry Rog. Did it work?
TB: Ogre, like a charm. The Maim Event will officially return this Monday to Must See TV & you, my friend, will be making your in-ring debut.
Ogre: Well, allright!!! Against who?
TB: Well Ogre, this Monday, you will face a friend of the Nyrds.
Ogre: Cool.
TB: It will be against El Unorigino.
Ogre: Oh, Ok. Cool. What about that Spazaroo fella's request Rog?
TB: Like I said, he's not getting the match. This Monday on the Maim Event, it will be Addy Bomb defending the EWT Championship against fettster.
Ogre: Oh, Ok. Cool.
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jzbadblood
Unicron
Christ, man. Can't you see what's happening? Can't you read between the lines?
Posts: 3,052
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Post by jzbadblood on May 27, 2005 21:33:40 GMT -5
*BREAKING NEWS: FIGHT IN PROGRESS*
Cameras rush in to see Jaguar and some guy in a fight backstage. They're punching the hell out of each other and smashing into doors, concession tables, and walls. Referee's try to break them up but they soon step off when Jz throws down the guy and threatens them with a chair. While Jz turns his back the guy smashes a kendo stick over his back, and it literally explodes. Jz falls to his knees and the guy kicks the side of his head into the wall. He then picks up the chair and grabs Jz by his hair and stands him up. He then kicks the guy in the ribs to defend himself, but it's no use as he retaliates with a chair shot that sends Jz to one knee. The fellow grabs Jz by his shorts and suplexs him through the concession table. Jz writhes in pain and the guy kicks at him. He goes to walk away and Jz trips him. He crawls up and grabs a mop. The guy is on all fours and Jz snaps it over his back. He then picks up the guy and trys for a Facelift, but the guy reverses the diamond cutter by throwing Jz forward. He hits the hard floor and bounces back up in pain. Jz then turns around into a overhead belly to belly suplex through a glass window.
The guy looks through the window for a second and walks away. EMTs and paramedics walk in casually, but soon start rushing in because inside the room are a set of steps down to the basement, which Jz tumbled down.
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on May 28, 2005 7:00:46 GMT -5
*Meanwhile back in the ring area . . . a huge cloud of blue smoke rises in the ring . . and as it disperses Maelstrom is standing there . . . *
Maelstrom: The currents of my destiny are unfolding . . . the hour is at hand . . . for I am the controller of the current and it will change to suit my needs . . .
*a small yet vocal Maelstrom chant is heard*
M: Yes . . . . my Worshippers of the Whirlpool . . . I Maelstrom! will be the number one contender . . . but I must admit beating a lowly underling such as Barry last week is hardly a great victory . . . so I want a true challenge to my power . . .will it be Limey? maybe Obi or perhaps the Cheese Sandwich eating tri-state champ Heiden-Dorf . . . who do I have to destroy to get a title shot . . . who dares to face me one on one ?. . .
*the crowd waits . . but no one appears on the stage*
M:No one? . . . well all of you in the back may fear me. . . but sooner or later All Will Fall!
*just then music hits and Garrison Cade makes his way to the ring*
Bell rings
Garrison Cade charges Maelstrom with a flying forearm which stuns Maelstrom . . . sensing a knock down Cade goes for another . . . but Maelstrom catches him with a big boot . . . 1,2 kickout . . .Maelstrom picks Cade up and whips him into the corner . . . Maelstrom follows up with a big Clothesline . . . Cade gets stomped on while on the ring floor, followed by a sleeprhold . . .Cade fights out of it with a few rib shots, he then pokes Maelstrom in the eye . . . Cade goes for a SuperKick . . . Maelstrom cathces him and clotheslines him down to the ground . . . Maelstrom shakes his head . . . he picks up Cade and sets him up for the Whirlpool . . . Blam! . . 1,2,3 . .
Your Winner Maelstrom
M: That was pathetic . . . you try and alter the flow of the Maelstrom and you will be crushed! . . . . . Now who is my next opponent Toomi Bishoff who do I have to beat to get a tri-state or Heavyweight title shot?
The Tide Will Turn!
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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 28, 2005 8:07:17 GMT -5
*Toomi Bischoff stands up on the entryway with Ogre & a microphone in hand*
Mailstorm, Hailstorm, Snowstorm...whatever the hell your name is. You don't just GET a title shot around here. You earn it. And you, my friend, haven't earned it. Beating 2 jobbers who used to wrestle up North, that's not cool. That's not impressive. I have not been colored impressed. No, no, no...not at all.
So Storm, get it in your head....REQUEST FOR TITLE SHOT...DENIED!!!!
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jzbadblood
Unicron
Christ, man. Can't you see what's happening? Can't you read between the lines?
Posts: 3,052
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Post by jzbadblood on May 28, 2005 9:07:57 GMT -5
*UPDATE*
Jzbadblood, current EWT Tag Team Champion, is being forced to stay at home until he is cleared by his medcal doctor because of injuries sustained in the brutal attack by someone who's name is not known. More details on the assailant and Jz will be provided throughout the weekend.
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on May 28, 2005 11:09:18 GMT -5
*backstage with Christopher Trainerman aka The Trainer*
The Trainer (to himself): Interview Maelstrom . . . that freak obsessed with cryptic nonsense and spinning water and . . (mutters) . . the guys insane . . . and he disappears in a cloud of smoke . . how am I supp . . .
*Maelstrom has walked up behind The Trainer*
Maelstrom: Looking for me?
T: ahhh! . . . yees . . . I just wanted to know your thoughts on Bishoff's verdict?
M: Well I heard what he said . . . and i'm not happy about it . . . but . . . i 'm not the only guy trapped in the eddy of the title hunt . . . Obi wants it. . . . Limey is clearly trying to become a star too . . . Not that any of them have a chance . . . (laughs)
T: So are you going to make a name for yourself or crawl back to the Ocean?
M: Watch your tone Trainer . . . Obviously a guy called Barry and Garrison Cade wen't good enough, so I offer an open challenge to anyone. . . . or if Toomi wants to set me up with a match for next week on the board I have no problem with that . . . the current is still strong . . . All will F. .
*Trainer Interrupts*
T: Well Storm beating up a couple of nobodys is hardly stenuous . . . I myself have bea . .
*Maelstrom grabs Trainer by the throat*
M: The Tide is coming in and sooner or later I will Prove myself to Bish' . . and then a New era will begin . . . and my name is Maelstrom . . . . call me Storm again and i'll crush your Windpipe like a sledgehammer hitting a walnut . . got it . .
*Trainer attempts a nod*
M: Good this interview is over . . . . no umbrella I see . . . . bad for you . . . (laughs)
*Maelstrom slams the Trainer into the wall and dissapears in a cloud of smoke . . triggering the fire alarm sprinklers . . The Trainer sits there drenched and unhappy . . *
cut to commercial . . .
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Post by garyhartsgoatee on May 28, 2005 11:40:50 GMT -5
*Pza is backstage with John 'Assiastant'Coachman*
Coach: So Pza... Chocula had some pretty interesting things to say about you earlier. Now I know that you are a coward and you won't say a damn thing in rebuttle... So I might as well call this interview off right now.
*Coach turns to the camera and gives the throat-slashing "this interview is over" signal when Pza hits him from behind with a vicious clothesline bouncing JC's face off the ground. Pza then picks up a chair and lays into JC with authority beating on the back of JC's head bouncing his face off the floor over and over again.*
Pza: COWARD?! COWARD?! WHEN IT COMES TO DEFENDING THE EWT... AND THE INTEGRITY OF THE EWT... THEN I COWER FROM NOBODY!! THESE FANS MEAN MORE TO ME THAN ANYTHING AND YOU WILL NOT SULLY THAT RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SLANDER!
*Pza then picks up JC and hits him with a Smark-Driver on the concrete floor. Pza then standa up and looks into the camera*
Pza: Chocula... I promise you, I will do whatever it takes to make sure you can no longer insult everyone's intellegence with that John Rocker memorial title... With every day that passes, I get that much angrier... Go ahead and insult my intellegence... I don't mind. Go ahead and insult ME!! See if I care... But when you insult the fans... Chocula, those people are the reason you are here... Those people sign your paycheck... And all you do is strut around here like a jackass, with some hunk of cardboard on your shoulder like you have accomplished something... Well I'M SICK OF IT! CHOCULA, I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU... I'M GOING TO HURT YOU... AND I'M GOING TO DO IT ALL... FOR... THE... FANS...
*The crowd explodes with cheers as Pza walks off camera and it fades to commercial*
*Commercial*
Steve Buscemi: We must stop this epidemic Tom Cruise: And only YOU can help John Goodman: Thousands of people suffer from it every day Mos Def: And it could happen to you *points finger* Bill Bellamy: All we need is your help Hulk Hogan: Your voice Jim Gaffigan: Your dime Bob Coastas: To raise awareness Tom Hanks: Of this terrible... ummm Katie Kouric: This aweful... erm Jerry Rice: What the hell are we fighting for again? Jamie Foxx: I don't remember Ted Koppel: I remember they told us before we came here... Jim Carey: yeah... yeah they told us, but i cant seem to remember... Jim Bruer: SON OF A B**** DUDE THIS ISN'T COOL Mariah Carey: WABBA WABBA WABBA!!! Dave Chapelle: Who let that crazy B**** in this commercial? Marv Albert: HEY! What is the point of this commercial anyway? P-Ditty: I want some cheesecake Tom Hanks: *in somber tone* Yes... cheesecake Jerry Rice: Cheesecake? Tom Hanks: *whispering* Just go with it Jerry Rice: *now somber* we must stop this... cheesecake
Voice Over: Cheesecake...erm... Don't you think it's time we put a stop to it?
*End commercial*
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Post by obi on May 28, 2005 15:42:23 GMT -5
*obi and sara are exercising backstage. the crowd pop huge as sara is doing a split legged manouvre. Taka michinoku walks in*
Taka: Obi..You back in EWT...Your thoughts on...stuff?
*obi grabs the mic*
Obi:Look, a star in the need of jobbers!
*taka turns round and obi boots him out the door*
Obi: now listen, fans at home. Do not adjust your sets, because the charismatic entrail...The King of the Hill...The Alpha snail is here!
*fans look puzzled, until obi points to a picture of El unorigino. The crowd boo*
Thats right, Boo this loser, he doesnt deserve to be on your TV sets. Now Y'all listen, Ive been reading up on this "ox" division, and i feel im the perfect candidate. Athletic. Agile. Charismatic. Then i look at the tri-state champion and the guy with the belt is just like panthro, well unlucky chump cos im mumm-ra. I look at the Heavyweight championship and the guy is such a poser. The last thing less ghetto than the "beta male" is bill gates! speaking of bill gates, he must get his hair cut at the same place as our current stable champions.And the girl next door title? my girl sara could get that in an instant.
Toomi, i aint asking for a title shot, all im saying is keep your eye on the miracle, as he's gonna rock your ranks like a hurricane, and leave your current chumps...errr i mean champs, in his dust.
AND THAT...WAS A PROMO....BY MIRACLE!
*obi and sara storm off. Taka stumbles back in*
Taka: Taka, Numbah 3 EWT announcah! back to you, joey styres!
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Post by dorf on May 28, 2005 17:58:02 GMT -5
*DNN music plays* Good evening, as most of you know me...I am Dorf. I can tell you after general manager Toomi Bischoff's stink palm done to me this week has made my percantage innnnnnnnncrease very *shows how much* slightly. I am only 48% healed for returning back to EWT as it looks like my return...is going to be delayed. *crowd cheers* No, no, no....why are you cheering, you guys want me as E...W....T *breathes in mic hard* CHAMPION. *crowd boos* Next is you Bischoff. What you did to me this week was, how should I say it? Um...let's speak JR for a second, "Bah Gawd! Heinous!" How about King..."STINK PALM, JR! STI.." never mind. Well the point is, you Bischoff himulated me, The Dorf again. Does it mean anything to you that you have the audacity to strike the Dorf like that? I DON'T THINK SO! I am sick and tired of you Bischoff embarassing the Dorf and the Dorf has one thing to say to you Bischoff....Do you like.... *BREAKING NEWS!!!* Tom Tucker: The Pope has just said f***! More details on this and how Diane will be my wh*** at 11. Diane: Wha? Monotonous voice: We now return to your regularly scheduled program ****************************** .....and that is why the Dorf will get his revenge. Well that's another segment of the Dorf News Network...SEE YA NEXT WEEK!
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Post by Toom E. Guci on May 28, 2005 18:42:14 GMT -5
*Toomi Bischoff is sitting backstage with Ogre, who's preparing for his match while sitting on drum barrel made out like a bull & drinking beer from a trophy & wearing his Alpha Beta Letterman's jacket.*
You know Ogre, we need a steel cage match this Monday on the Maim Event. It will truly bring in ratings.
Ogre: Sure thing Rog. *burp*
TB: You know what would be nice? If somebody took one of these new guys in a cage & showed them what it meant to be an EWT superstar. I know, get that Paul Poo guy inside the cage against....hmmm. Who would be able to beat a new gimmic into that guy?
Ogre: *burp* Got any cheese?
TB: Ogre, you're a f***ing genius!!! This Monday on the Maim Event inside the steel cage...Heiden-dorf versus Paul Poo for the EWT Tri-State Championship. Brilliant. I could kiss ya Ogre, but I won't.
Ogre: Huh? What I do?
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Post by heidendorf on May 28, 2005 19:13:08 GMT -5
*Heiden-Dorf's reaction to Bischoff's announcement* HD: (grunts) POO?! *scared* Me hate...poo. Mia: Oh, come on Heidi...what's to be afraid of poo? HD: (grunts) It's me....enemy...for many years. Poo...is the opposite...of my...CHEESE SANDWICH! Mia: Oh, dear. Do you wanna have a cheese sandwich? *Heiden-Dorf shakes yes* *Mia hands Heiden-Dorf a cold cheese sandwich from the fridge. She hands it to Heiden-Dorf* HD: (grunts) Me...don't think Mia...should see this. Mia: Okay, Heidi. I'll leave ya alone with the cheese sandwich, but who do you love more? HD: (grunts) uhh....me tell u...when me...done with...CHEESE SANDWICH. Mia: okay *Mia leaves* HD: *to cheese sandwich* (grunts) Me worried...CHEESE SANDWICH? What we's...gonna do? Is that we's...gonna do? But...CHEESE SANDWICH...me afraid of...poo, because you turn...into poo. You's right...it's not you's...it's me. That's why...I love you...more...CHEESE SANDWICH. *eats cheese sandwich* HD: (grunts) Mia...u can come...in. Me done with...CHEESE SANDWICH. *Mia enters* Mia: So Heidi, who do you love more?Heidi: (grunts) You...Mia *They kiss as camera fades to black*
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Post by Moxie loves Natalie on May 28, 2005 23:09:30 GMT -5
Sounds of a murder of Crows and Ravens surround the arena, as the charismatic Raven enters the EWT Arena through the crowd. He sits down in his corner, and opens his mouth to recite a poem...
The deep guitar rhythm of "The Hunter", followed by the heavy guitarring sounds all too familiar to the EWT crowd as it heralds the entrance of a former EWT Tri-State Champion.
As the ring announcer says "Making his way to the ring..." the crowd erupts for the entrance of Moxie. Wearing his patented Grey pants and blue boots, he slaps a few Fivers on the way down to the ring, and hits up his corner, and raises his hands.
Raven gets up and charges at Moxie, and hits him repeatedly in the back of the head, and rams his forehead into the turnbuckle. Raven turns him around on the turnbuckle, and hits a few hard chops. with every chop, the crowd moans, as Moxie yells.
Raven runs to the other corner, and with a full head of steam, lands a harsh clothesline on Moxie, who falls forward, and lands on his stomach.
Raven hits him a few times on the back, and pulls him up and locks in a sleeper. Moxie wobbles around, and positions himself to be able to get a backdrop off on Raven. Moxie gets up to his knees, and Raven is up on his feet. Raven charges at Moxie, who ducks and slaps Raven in the back of the head. Raven turns around and is angry, as Moxie points and laughs at Raven. Raven cools down and they grapple, with Moxie gaining the upperhand, applying a headlock.
Moxie hold the headlock in, and Raven pushes him into the ropes. Moxie bounces off and Raven hits the mat, with Moxie jumping over him. Raven hops up, and attempts a hiptoss, which is reversed by Moxie, landing a hiptoss of his own. Moxie pulls Raven up, and twists his left arm. he throws his right leg over Raven's Arm and connects with a heel to Raven's temple. Raven lurches forward, clutching his forehead, and Moxie hits a strike to the back of Raven, and Raven drops. Moxie locks onto the arm of Raven, and puts pressure on the shoulder, building the blood in Raven's head. Moxie pulls Raven up with one arm, and wrenches on that arm, continuously. Raven grabs Moxie's wrist and reverses into an arm wrench of his own, twisting Moxie's arm into a wrist lock. Moxie moves to reverse the wristlock with a wristlock of his own but is halted halfway and put into a headlock by Raven. Raven drops to his knees and pummels Moxie's head with repeated rights. Raven releases after the ref tells him to, and pulls Moxie up, and slaps the back of his head, smiling.
With the slap, Moxie wakes up from his daze and stands across from Raven, and the two meet in the ring, nose-to-nose. Moxie pushes Raven, and Raven pushes back. Raven goes for a punch but, Moxie blocks. Moxie goes for a punch, but Raven blocks. Raven slaps Moxie across the face and Moxie Shoots in on Raven, taking his legs from underneath him, as Moxie begins to pummel Raven's face over and over with repeated lefts and rights. Raven covers up, his taped hands red with his own blood. Raven moves to the corner, and is laying down on the bottom turnbuckle. Moxie with a full head of steam charges at Raven, hitting a Cannonball. (Signs of his days as the Soothsayer) Moxie pulls Raven up, and throws him into the ropes. Raven goes for a clothesline, and Moxie ducks. Raven turns around to a B-e-a-utiful standing sidekick from Moxie, as Moxie goes for the pin.
1....2... and Kickout, as Moxie can't believe that Raven kicked out.
Moxie pulls Raven up again, but Raven kicks Moxie in the gut, he calls for the Raven Effect, but Moxie pushes Raven down. He jumps over raven for a bridge...
1..2.. and a quick kickout by Raven.
Raven gets up and clotheslines Moxie. Raven pulls Moxie up and hits a few stiff punches to the face, and locks in Sleeper. Moxie powers up, and hits Raven in the gut, and throws him into the ropes. Raven misses an attempt at a clothesline, and Moxie seizes the opportunity, and pulls Raven up on his shoulders, and hits a BURNING HAMMER!
Raven is out, and Moxie calls for it. The crowd knows it's coming, as Moxie hoists Raven in the air, and hits his Black Dragon DDT/Brainbuster.
He rolls Raven over, and gets the 3 count.
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Post by obi on May 29, 2005 5:11:12 GMT -5
*obi is walking backstage with a cup of coffee in his hand. Rey mysterio runs into him and spills the coffee all over obi*
Rey: oh man im so sorry!
*obi screams and picks rey up, lawndarting him into a nearby window*
Obi: that was a $42 dollar cup of coffee from starbucks you jerk!
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