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Post by paulpodanski on Oct 19, 2005 2:13:43 GMT -5
Hoss Matthews: Ladies and Gentlemen... we've just recieved a video... and even though we could show a five star match right now... we'll just show you the footage instead!!!
We cut to a scene in a bar somewhere in... Alabama, Podanski and Raven can be seen drinking. Paul's got his belt around his waist and he's obviously drunk. There's a pile of empty beer bottles in front of him.
Paul: Yo barkeep... gimme another... bottle. I'm going for a world record!
Raven looks over. He's also drunk.
Raven: Hey man... no way I'm gonna let you outdrink me. I'm like... the bestdrinker that ever drank drinks!
Barkeep: To be honest... I think you two have had enough.
Paul looks at the guy, a little bit tipsy thanks to all the beer.
Paul: Looks you... pineapple face. I'm the Toolshed champ b**** I'm like a Drunken Demon. I'll... beat you up... then I'll go sleep with... your mother!
The Barkeep looks over at Paul and throws a punch at him, Paul catches it and nails him with a harder punch, knocking a few of his teeth loose. He falls over backwards. Suddenly, everyone in the bar gets up and there's a big fight. One guy get's thrown through a window. Paul stumbles drunkly out of said bar and calls for a taxi. Suddenly one drives up. Paul, with a bit of difficulty, opens the car door and flops inside onto the seat. He looks at the driver.
Paul: Hey driver. Take me... take me to... that one plae where they have all the Hooters.
Taxi Driver: Hey. I know you! You're that talentless EWT Guy Paul Podanski! I remember when you were Paulina Podanskette... the evil crossdressing heel...
Paul: Just get me where I need ta go or I'll get you to the hospital ya jerk!
The Tazi driver nods and starts driving. Paul pukes all over the back of the seat. Finally, after a few minutes of driving and more puking, Paul stumbles out of the taxi and walks into a Zoo, which just happens to have open gates. Paul drunkenly walks inside said Zoo... wandering around while various strangers stare at him. He wanders around until he finds some guy in an owl costume.
Paul: Hey! You stole my gimmick you little ass! I'm gonna... I'm gonna Paulerbomb ya straight to hell!!!
Owl Guy: Ummm what?!
Paul runs forward and tackles the owl guy. starting to beat him to a bloody pulp. He then rips off his costume and puts it on.
Paul: Yeah... how do you like that you weak little piece of s...
Before he can say anything else, Paul is tackled by a bunch of security guys. They quickly drag him off to the local Jail.
Meanwhile back at the bar, Raven is now Sober and trying to get a taxi himself.
Raven: Hey! What about me?! What about Raven?!
Fade to commercial
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Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
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Post by Limey on Oct 19, 2005 4:50:30 GMT -5
*Sum Guy is backstage in the EWT backstage. Limey is tending to his back, Carla is holding an ice-pack to her head.*
SG: I'm Sum Guy and #I! I WANNA SOAK UP THE SU-U-UN! I WANNA TELL EVERY...ONE...TO...LIGH...TEN... U-UP! I WANNA TELL THEM THAT....
Caral and Limey: SHUT UP!
SG: Oh? Sorry. Got kinda carried away there. Anyways, you heard Mike Ragnal, guys. What are your thoughts on his challenge? He's the one that beat you for the ten grand and ended your Limey invitational, remember?
Limey: Well, let me tell you something, Sum Guy. Mike Ragnal is one of the best atheletes I've ever competed against. He's got determination, he's got charisma, and he's got the skills to back them up. I respect him as much as I respect myself. Joe's got himself a good run in EWT, too. He seems kind of taken by that Saucy girl, but I have no doubts he'll put up a fine fight. If Mike wants to challenge for the tag titles...well...I've got a lot on my plate at the moment. I've got Flex Magnificent on my back, I've got Gasoline and Bret gunning for me, and Carla's got a couple of obstacles she's got to face, too. But Mike, if you want a match, I won't deny you the opportunity. I still remember my loss to you, and to be frank, it couldn't have happened to a more better man.
*The crowd pops for this.*
Limey: So Mike, I'm willing to look past Bret, Gasoline...hell, I'll even take the risk of leaving Flex for the moment, if it will give the good people the honour of having me and you in the ring, one more time. So there's my answer, Mike. It may not be directly one on one, but it's something. I despise having to share my gold with Bret, but that doesn't change the fact that I EARNED THIS BELT! And EVEN if it means I have to go down in the records as being one half of the EWT tag champions with "The Heart-Break Hitman", I can take pride in this gold, and I will defend it to my last breath. I may not like Bret, but I know he probably feels the same way. If anyone like Rosa, the Ultimate Brown-Noser Gasoline, and especially Flex Magnificent have anything to do with this match, let them. And life will give...them...LIMES!!!
SG: Woo. I guess the gauntlet has been thrown down. Or....thrown back. Or half thrown down, half... well...I'm Sum Guy and I'm not good with metaphors.
FIN
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Oct 19, 2005 8:42:34 GMT -5
*We come back to the ring, Lillian has the mike*
LILLIAN GARCIA:The following match is for one fall, introducing first from Cameron, North Carolina, he weighs in at around 215lbs . . . Jeff Hardy!!
* Suddenly that rapid music of Jeff Hardy begins to play, the lights dim and here he is. Jeff does his water bottle dance routine and then runs to the ring and plays to the crowd, who cheer wildly, mostly girls screaming*
LILLIAN: . . and his opponent . . hailing from Spread Eagle, Wisconsin, he weighs in at around 140lbs . . . he is the temporary General Manager of the EWT . . Curly Long !!
*the sinister version of 'Moving on up' is heard around the arena and out comes Curly Long with a mike in hand, the crowd peppers him with boo's*
CURLY LONG: Now for those of you keeping up Akio was my last bodyguard since Mr.Big disappeared. But he got beaten to a pulp by that ingratious group the P.T.A . . . and then got a kicking from Raskall & Trunk! . .but fear not for your main man, the big event, Curly Long, me has found a new replacement . . so please stand and give a warm welcome to my problem solver . . . Tyson Tomko!!
*The big bearded meathead walks out to a chorus of silence and occasional booing, he nods to Curly and carries him to the ring*
CURLY LONG: Hey Jeff! . . the girls may scream for you but in a minute i'm going to make you scream in pain . . and then the girls will be screaming for me! . . .
*As Curly enters the ring,Jeff grabs a microphone*
JEFF HARDY: The only time girls will scream at you Curly, is when they run away!
CURLY: You snot-nosed punk!
The bell rings as Curly gets in Jeff's face by prodding his chest
Jeff pushes the midget away, and gives the talking too much signal to the crowd about Curly. Jeff then boots Curly in the chest and hits a modified Jawbreaker. Curly writhes in agony on the floor. Jeff takes this moment to run off the ropes and hit a twisting splash to Curly .. cover ..
1,2 . .
Curly kicks out, Jeff tries to pick up Curly for another move . . but Curly counters into an inside cradle ..
1,2 . .
Jeff kicks out and rolls to the apron. Curly follows but gets a shoulder thrust to the chest followed by a sunset flip! . . .but Curly reverses before a count can be made into armbar. After a few minutes applying the hold, Curly releases Jeff and signals that he's going up top! . . Curly climbs the turnbuckle, but Jeff is up and catches him . . Superplex by Jeff to Curly!! . . .after a few seconds Jeff drapes an arm across Curly. .
1,2,3 ..
Curly barely kicks out, Jeff gets up and grabs Curly and Irish Whips him into the ropes, Curly comes back, ducks Jeff's clothesline attempt and jumps on to the second rope and bounces back with a dropkick to Jeff's face! Curly gets to his feet and smiles, he locks in a sleeper. Jeff eventually fights out of it and manages to get a headlock of his own. .. Twist of Fate!! ..Jeff goes to climb the turnbuckle, but Tyson Tomko has got on the apron . . Jeff see's him and gives him aright hand kncoking him to the floor, Curly sneakily tries a school boy!
1,2,3 . .
Jeff kicks out, Curly irritated runs off the ropes . . but Jeff is up! . . back toss to Curly! .. which knocks the ref down! .. Jeff picks up Curly and hits a snap suplex! . . . he goes up top . . . SWANTON!! . . Jeff covers . . . but with no referee there is no count! . .. Jeff goes to wake the ref . . but Tomko is in the ring . . Big Boot! . .Jeff is out cold . . Tomko pulls Curly on top of Jeff! . . the Ref is barely awake . .
1,2,3,
Jeff kicks out as the crowd goes nuts! .. Curly is furious and tells Tomko to get a chair, Tomko throws the chair to Curly but the Referee stops Curly from using it. Facebuster by Jeff! . . Curly is down again . . as the ref goes to the outside to remove the chair Jeff goes up top once again. Tomko tries to interfere but Jeff has him scouted and blocks the punch and hip tosses him into the ring. . . they trade punches . . Tomko gets the upper hand, and lines him up for another Big Boot! . . Jeff dodges and Tomko nails Curly instead! Tomko can't believe it and tries to see if Curly is alright by helping him to his feet. Meanwhile Jeff goes and grabs another chair and attempts to crack it across Tomko's back, but Tomko moves and Curly gets nailed in the head! . . the Ref has had enough!
*Bell rings and after a few words with the referee Lillian begins to talk into the microphone*
LILLIAN: The winner of this match . . . by disqualification . . . CURLY LONG!
*The Crowd Boo's as a furious Jeff Hardy heads to the back, meanwhile Curly grabs the mike as Tomko tries to help him up. But Curly pushes him away*
CURLY (breathing hard): Well I won, but in the process got hit with a Twist of Fate, Swanton Bomb, a Big Boot and a chairshot!! . . (to Tomko) . . Tomko your not a problem slover . . your just a huge problem! . . so from now on . . hey come to my level so you can hear this . . Your Fired!!
*Curly then clocks Tomko over the head with the microphone! .. Curly then climbs out of the ring and heads to the stage area, as he reaches it Sign Guy walks out with a sign saying "I'll be a Bodyguard!" . . Curly is about to nod in agreement but then sees Raskall & Trunk on the recently fixed Toomi-Tron trying to sneak attack him from behind. Curly runs under Sign Guy's legs and pushes him into R&T, before running backstage. R&T hit Sign guy with the Suplex to Knee Backbreaker on the stage! . . . They look furious at just missing Curly again as they head backstage themselves*
(cut to commercial about dog shampoo)
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Post by dorf on Oct 19, 2005 10:06:49 GMT -5
Dorf vs. Brock Lesnar...or is it?
Finkel: This match is scheduled for one-fall and its for EWT World Heavyweight Championship! *Dorf’s music plays* Coming down to the ring, weighing in at 268 pounds, from Filthadelphia Pencilvania, he is EWTs World Heavyweight Champion, DORF!
*Dorf comes from under the banter and goes under the CrapTron bringing Diva-Dorf along with Dorf to a bunch of cheers from the crowd. Diva-Dorf does a three-second pose and that made the pop even louder. After that, they both held hands and walked down the aisle and enter the ring (Diva-Dorf first with Dorf’s help) no problem.*
Finkel: *Brock Lesnar’s music plays* Coming down to the ring, weighing in at 295 pounds, from Japan, BROCK LESNAR!
*The crowd looks to see if Brock Lesnar is under the CrapTron, but is not seen at all. The music plays for almost two minutes as the crowd was starting to become impatient and then the music stopped. Right after the music stopped, a pre-planned interview started from the dark until two very dark shadows came lurking to the camera; the cameraman turned the camera and it appears to be, yes…..The Nyrds.*
Mike: Hello, Dorf.
Joel: Yes, hello. We feel as its our time to become EWTs next World Heavyweight Champions, well as long as one of us wins it…it will show that yes, Nerds can become the top of the EWT world.
Mike: Your opponent, Brock Lesnar is not here tonight…hell, he isn’t even within one thousand miles. We gave his Japanese agent the specific locations where the ‘EWT arena’ is located.
Joel: In fact, Lesnar is in Texa$$ somewhere at a rodeo event, not here in Arid-zona.
Mike: Dorf, don’t think that you don’t have an opponent tonight…because you will face one of us, because we’re 100% *Joel winks* damn sure that one of us will be EWT World Heavyweight champion by this probability tester on my wicked TI-9000.
Joel: 5000 times more wicked than when Dorf ‘scores’ with Diva-Dorf! Okay, what test do you want to try to see who faces Dorf first?
Mike: I dunno…Rock, Paper, Scissors?
Joel: So be it, whoever wins this mighty challenge of rock, paper scissors will have the shot at Dorf’s belt.
Both: ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!
Both: Awww…scissors.
Mike: Try again?
Joel: You know it.
Both: ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, SHOOT!
Mike: Paper covers rock! I WIN!
Joel: Best 2 out of 3.
Mike: No, I earned my shot <b**** slaps Joel>. If I lose tonight, you face him next week…got it?
Joel: Ow…that kinda hurt. *realizes what Mike just said* deal. The probability tester says I got a 63.57403% better chance that your chances against Dorf tonight. Good luck on that.
Mike: Hey Dorf, you know what…this match *pauses* BEGINS NOW!
*The screen fades immediately black as Mike is right behind Dorf and is at the top rope and flies at Dorf with a Flying Crossbody to start the match. He holds onto Dorf as Mike attempts a pinfall.*
Ref: 1……………………….2………..*Dorf kicks out.*
*Mike gets up right away and runs to the ropes and speeds at Dorf, who is trying to get up. Dorf only got part-way up as Mike sprints at Dorf’s head and kicks him very hard. The audience reacts grudgingly to that kick with OOOOOOOOOHH! Mike attempts to pin Dorf again.*
Ref: 1………………………2……………….*Dorf kicks out.*
Mike: Grrr…
*Mike makes Dorf stand up and drags Dorf with a Bulldog-like move and takes Dorf to the corner; Mike goes up over the ropes to CONNECT THE CONTRA CODE! Mike covers.*
Ref: 1……………………………….2…………………………*Dorf barely kicks out*
*Mike looks in frustration as he knew he won that match as perfected the Contra Code. Mike knows that the EWT title is his if he can defeat Dorf with his great advantage that he has right now and that move is the Halo II. Mike looks ready to pick up Dorf to set up the move and tries to pick him up with all his strength. He grunts and strains his way only to pick up Dorf a little bit of his feet. Dorf, then out of deparation does a standing DORF DRIVER! Both competitors go down.*
Ref: 1…2…3…4…5…6 *Both competitors start to move as Joel comes down to the ring out of nowhere*…7! *Mike gets up first*
Mike: What are you doing here? Remember our deal?
Joel: Look, this is the only way we can be EWT World Heavyweight Champion and the TI-9000 said so.
*Mike turns around disgruntled, but out comes Dorf with a Flying Burrito and attempts to pin Mike*
Ref: 1………………………………..2………………………*Joel is about to make the save, but Mike barely kicks out to save his match*
*The ref runs at Joel to get out of the ring, but Dorf had other plans. Dorf walks up behind the ref, who is still telling Joel to leave the ring. Dorf grabs Joel, as he shakes his head NO…in dismay; Dorf picks up Joel by his neck and Chokeslams him out of the ring to the protective matting. Dorf turns around and is gut wrenched by Mike and completes A WINDOWS 95!. Mike covers.*
Ref: 1……………………………..2……………………………*Dorf gets his shoulder up, barely.*
*Mike, in amazement could not believe Dorf kicked out of his finisher. He is in shock that he could not defeat the World Heavyweight Champion. Mike throws a minor tantrum in the ring, knowing that was it…he was Champion, but he needed an idea to do it. After throwing a minor tantrum, Mike went outside the ring and grabbed a steel chair. Knowing that the ref would take it, Mike grabbed another chair so that the ref can take that chair. Mike took the first chair and entered the ring with it. As was obviously mentioned, the ref took the first steel chair. Mike then grabbed the other steel chair and knew that this was it. Dorf gets up slowly and stumbles to get as Mike climbs to the top rope and attempts to perform a Flying Crossbody with a Steel Chair to the head.*
*Well, the move, worked…kinda. Mike miscalculated how far he can fly. He was a little short and hits Dorf’s right knee. Dorf goes part-way down, but as Mike hit Dorf’s right knee…the chair bent back to Mike’s head and knocks him out in the process. Dorf slowly gets up and kicks the steel chair away before the ref would look at both of them; Dorf picks up Mike and performs the DORF-PLEX! Dorf covers.*
Ref: 1……………………………….2….*Joel gets up and tries to rush to stop the count*………..*Joel is almost there*……………..3! *Joel hits Dorf’s back after the ref counted 3*
Winner: by pinfall, and still EWT World Heavyweight Champion, DORF!
*Joel beats down on Dorf until Dorf no-sold Joel’s weak punches. Dorf goes up to Joel, kick him in the gut and peforms a DDT. Dorf takes Joel to the top rope and leaves him there as Dorf goes up to the top rope as well and performs an ABDORFTION! The crowd goes crazy as Dorf has smashed both Nyrds up. Dorf gets up slowly to cheers, but the cheers are getting quiet. Diva-Dorf is screaming at Dorf to turn around; Dorf does and its Moxie! Moxie sprints at Dorf with a viscious Clothesline. Moxie screams at Dorf to get up and Dorf gets up slowly. Moxie sets Dorf up in a DDT-like position and completes the BLACK DRAGON DDT! Moxie then puts Dorf into the Texas Cloverleaf as Mike goes up to Dorf and slaps his face to not mess with the Nyrds or Moxie. Diva-Dorf is screaming for HELP and the timekeeper keeps ringing the bell to get officials, but it was too late. Dorf is bleeding from his forehead as Moxie let go of the Texas Cloverleaf as it appears that Dorf has a concussion. Before Moxie left, he spits in Dorf’s face in embarassment and leaves with the Nyrds in boo’s. EWT Trainers, EMTs, Referees are down to aid Dorf.*
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on Oct 19, 2005 13:36:36 GMT -5
*In the Ring the FInk stands with a microphone in hand*
THE FINK: Ladies and Gentlemen, if you would please turn your attention to the Toomitron 3000 . . it is time for the Aquarium Room Riot . . in the Aquarium Abyss and Maelstrom will battle . . . the first man to leave the Aquarium is the winner!
*Referee Jack Doan stands by the exit as he opens the door for the cameraman, a bell rings as we catch up with Abyss who is wandering between the Tanks, his chain dangling from his neck!*
From out of the Gloom Maelstrom charges out with a chair in hand and cracks it across Abyss's back, he does this repeatedly, until Abyss is unconcious on the floor. Maelstrom picks up Abyss and press slams him into one of the tanks marked Electric eels . . sparks fly as the eel does its damage! . . Maelstrom calmly walks to the exit without a scratch as Abyss just about manages to climb out of the tank! Jack Doan opens the door and out walks Maelstrom!
*Back in the ring*
THE FINK: er . . Your winner Maelstrom!
Maelstrom peers into the camera, and shouts . . The Tide will Turn!!!
(cut to commercial)
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Post by scbg on Oct 19, 2005 15:42:18 GMT -5
"Lean" Gene Cummerbund is standing by with Raskall and Trunk.
Lean Gene: I'm standing by here with Rick Raskall and Marcus Trunk. Now, Curly Long has been trying to get rid of you guys ever since Mr. Big disappeared. So far, all his attempts have failed. Your thoughts?
Raskall: Well ya know Lean Gene, I'll tell you why Curly's failed to get back at us. It's because Curly's got no clue what it means to be a bodyguard. We've already put down two of his flunkies, and I heard we didn't even get to meet the third one.
Lean Gene: Er, Tyson Tomko?
Raskall: Yeah, Tonka Truck Tyco something. Too bad Big Trunk's services have already been taken, or else I'd actually have something to worry about. Now here's a guy who I wouldn't want on my bad side! Luckily, I made the right decision and teamed up with the biggest, baddest mofo on the circuit today!
Trunk: Raskall and Trunk got no problem. Curly's goin' down!
Raskall: Look at that. How would you like that bustin' through your window late at night, huh? Now, the thing with Curly is, he's got no business smarts. He's always got his nose buried in some magazine. Now Curly, why bother with the magazines when you can have the real deal?
Raskall whistles. Kristina Harvey appears.
Kristina: You called?
Raskall: I sure did. Curly, you better remember this. The name's Rick Raskall. I fly high, I death-defy, I make my opponents say "Why Why Why?", and I'm about to make this little lady say...
Kristina: My, my, my!
Trunk stands in front of Lean Gene as Raskall and Kristina share a kiss.
Raskall: We're done here. Trunk, get rid of that.
Trunk grabs Lean Gene by the collar and tosses him through a nearby door. As Lean Gene gets to his feet, he sees Linda Ragnal getting undressed in the room. She screams and throws a lamp at Lean Gene, who shuts the door just as the lamp smashes against it.
Lean Gene: Whatta mistake-a to make-a!
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Oct 19, 2005 16:26:29 GMT -5
"Ultimo walks into the lounge drinking a root beer where he finds Terri sitting on the couch playing an X-Box.)
UC: "Hey, hey. What's the scoop, milkshake?"
Terri: "I got a hold of an advance copy of the new EWT game! It's pretty fun."
UC: "Cool. But how did you get a copy before the Nyrds? I figured those two would have had this a week ago. How did you manage to sneak this from under their nose."
Terri: (looks at UC) "I have these." (points to her boobs and looks back to the TV)
UC: (nods) "Yeah, that'll do it. So what are you doing now? Title match or something?"
Terri: "Yeah, if I win this match I'll be OX Division champion and I unlock a new character. Pretty sweet."
UC: "Not too shabby.....hold it.....(notices something) Are you playing as Spud?"
Terri: "Spaz. And yes."
UC: "What gives? Why aren't you playing as me? What kind of crap is that?"
Terri: "I was going to pick you but there was......a snag."
UC: "Snag? What snag?"
Terri: "You're not going to like this."
UC: "Like what?"
Terri: "You're not in the game."
(UC looks shocked, then takes a swig of root beer and does a spit take. He takes another swig and continues the spit take until he runs out.)
Terri: "And now the rug is wet."
UC: "What the friggity froop? That's heresy! That's blasphemy! That's just old fashioned communism! Why the hell aren't I in the game? Don't they want this thing to sell?"
Terri: "Will you calm down? It's no big deal. We can just make you with Create A Wrestler."
UC: "Oh! Right! Then everything will be peachy keen! Man, this is total butt! How could they leave me off the game?"
Terri: "If it's any consolation, I'm not in it either. Now shush up, I'm about to win this thing."
(From the tv you can hear bleeps and bloops and finally an electronic voice says....)
TV: "Congratulations! You're the new OX Division champion! You've unlocked.....Terri Runnels!"
Terri: "Hey! Look at that!"
UC: "Uh huh.....that's great."
Terri: "This is so cool! I wonder what moves they gave me!"
(Terri starts a new game and picks herself, then goes down the move list.)
Terri: "Let's see......backbreaker.....piledriver....top rope cross body......Cannonball run......wait, what?"
UC: "Meh?"
Terri: "That's got to be a typo. What else is on here? Knee-sault........Earth Clutch......Squid Face.......and...."
UC: "Don't tell me."
Terri: "...............Sugar Fix."
UC: (jumps off the couch in a rage) "Mrrglefrrgle huzzahwuzzah flippydippyzargbaradingdong! (suddenly stops jumping around and something dawns on him) Hold it. Hold it. I just thought of something."
Terri: "Uh oh."
UC: "Raggle. Little Joe Raggle. I bet he's behind this!"
Terri: "What? Come on!"
UC: "Think about it! Who's jealous of me cuz I got skeelz? Who keeps running his fool mouth about how I don't measure up? Who's the guy who made a DVD of me that sold for two cents? It's all right there, man! He got a hold of the programmers for this game and he bribed those chumps to keep me out of the game."
Terri: "That's a pretty strange theory, Ultimo."
UC: "My theory is awesome! It should win the Pulitzer! Now, I got things to do! I gotta talk to Curly! Gotta get that match made! I gotta go work out so I can beat his Raggle ass proper! I....(looks down in his mug)....need another root beer! (turns to Terri) Do you want anything?"
Terri: (not looking at UC, still playing) "I'm good."
UC: "Right! I'm off!"
(UC leaves the room in a hurry. Terri just sits and plays for a few moments until...."
Voice over: "And now, the punchline."
Terri: "It's a good thing I didn't say anything about the dirty knife!"
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Oct 19, 2005 17:10:33 GMT -5
Hoss Matthews: I'm standing here with 1/2 of the EWT Tag Team Champions, the Heartbreak Hitman Bret Michaels. Bret, earlier a challenge for the tag titles was made by Mike Ragnal. What are your thoughts?
HBH: Yeah, I heard his little challenge, and you know what? I accept! But know this, Ragnal. You will NOT have an easy time in this match. When it's all said and done, you WILL feel some Sweet Chin Muzak courtesy of The Showstoppa, The Icon, The Main Event, yours truly!
HM: It's also been well documented that you and the co-holder of the other tag team belt, Limey, don't exactly see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. How do you think that will factor into this match?
HBH: To be honest with you Hoss, I don't exactly know where Limey's head is at right now. There are some times where he will give his all, and then there are other times where he'll mail it in. But I will say this: if he still wants to be a champion, and thus, still be associated with such greatness (that being me), then he had better get his act together. And with that, I believe this interview is over. Now get outta here!
*HBH shoves Hoss Matthews off camera and turns to Gasoline*
HBH: How's that knee?
Gas: Still sore, but I'll be all right. I still can't believe that I was taken out by a GIRL!
*Rosa shoots Gasoline a dead look*
Gas: Hey, I didn't mean it that way. I meant that I should have been able to handle that situation better.
HBH: Well, Oceanic is not softie in that ring. It could have been a lot worse.
Rosa: You think that's bad? That's nothing compared to what I have in store in my match with Carla. She won't know what hit her.
HBH: Hmmm, tell me more.
Rosa: OK, but first... *shoves cameraman out of the locker room and slams the door*
*Fade to commercial*
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Post by Deus Ex Machina on Oct 19, 2005 17:30:40 GMT -5
*Desolate inner city area. A man stands in the middle of a vacant lot with junk and broken things around him. He's wearing a leather trench coat and a skull cap. The camera zooms in to his face as he looks up.*
D-Boy: "DSR. Prancing Stevie B***hards. You ***** and whine and try to get over on someone elses rep.
You know what, boy? I'm feeling generous: I'll grant you your f'n wish and step in the ring with you. See, spotmonkeys like you and your butt buddy S***manMark, you can't get over unless you get the rub from a legend, someone who is a draw. That means me.
Sure, you can do umpteen twist as you throw yourself off the top rope onto thumbtacks and you can do 300 variations of the cravate, but you can't tell a story in the ring and if EWT didn't pipe in cheers you'd have less heat than a snowman's nutsack.
So, I'll step in the ring with you... and beat the living crap outta ya. I'll show you what it's like to roll with the big boys. None of your stupid comedy matches and silly gimmicky "Escalator To Hobroken" matches. You step in the ring with me, you take your damn life into your hands.
I won't be held repsonsible for what happens inside that ring. I will give you everything I got. Believe that. And to make it interesting and to grant you your wishes of doing whatever you can to best me, lets make it a No Holds Barred, Fall Count Anywhere ULTIMATE X Stairway To Hell match!
If you think you can take me on. If you think you can survive.... then by all means: Sign the contract and lets get it on."
*Fade to black*
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Post by Teddy Awesome- Back in Style on Oct 19, 2005 17:59:50 GMT -5
*We see Theo and his partner walking to the unseen part of the stage, talking with eachother, when Theo is whacked from behind with a Kendo stick! He is out on the floor as his partner tries to fight back but gets a skull cracker from the assailant's Kendo Stick. Theo is back up as he see what happens.*
Theo: You sunnuva BI-AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!
*The assailant tried to hit him again, but get's the stick ripped from him by Theo who hits a flatliner on the assailant. The attacker quickly gets up though as he does a full out Gore! on Theo . He then applies a Rolling Olympic Hell on Theo as we hear him screaming...*
Attacker: I'm going to mess you so bad you wont ever be able to wrestle for a good, long time!
*After a while, Theo passes out from the pain and is tossed into a catering table. Theo partner, who has gotten up and is staggering a bit. The assailant gives him an Edgecution into the top of an overturned trashcan and leaves them for the trainers to find.*
Stupid Onlooker who Did Absolutly Nonthing to Help: Somebody get the EMT's!
*Cut Scene*
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Oct 19, 2005 18:00:41 GMT -5
*Cut over to SAW backstage, as Joe Ragnal and SAW owner Charlie "Chuck" Betris are standing by.*
CHUCK: Hello, EWT. THis is Chuck standing by with Joe Ragnal in an exclusive SAW interview just for the EWT audience. Joe, this weekend you'll be making your final two appearances in the SAW ring before returning to EWT. How excited are you to be in a match with your brother's greatest rival, Victor Rodriguez?
JOE: Well, what can I say? Despite how much Mike hated Victor outside the ring, they put on some great matches. The La Fiesta Italiana Match, the Roaring Brooke match, the Band Room Brawl, the Ice Box skating rink match...okay, maybe that one was a liiiiittle ridiculous...
CHUCK: Speaking of ridiculous, what about Chocula's recent accusation that you took him out of the new EWT game?
JOE: That? Okay, I'll admit, I lent a small hand into the Chocula DVD (which sold for three dollars, BTW, Choc), but I'm not so low into taking a star out of a video game. The games were made LONG before my beef with Chocula, and were packaged up long before that. I only know this because the Nyrds have all the inside info. But, you know, Chocula, I know who COULD have taken you out of the game...small guy, yea high, has a mustache, you beat the crap out of him everyday...
CHUCK: Alright, well, obviously it looks like you guys are going to be having an old fashioned wrestling match at the next PPV, is that right?
JOE: Yep, I accepted his challenge. Choc, you said I couldn't wrestle a lick, but I at least hope my match with Juventud Guerrera earlier proved you wrong somehow. I'll tell you this-I WON'T make it easy.
CHUCK: Okay, next question. You're brother Mike, formerly Scotty Dos here in SAW, has challenged for the EWT tag championships. Are you involved with this?
JOE: Hells yeah, Chuck! It's been too long since Limey and HBH won the tag belts, and what have they done? They held off TRUE title matches, and their only one was against one guy. ONE GUY! So once I'm done with managing Saucy in her first SAW match Sunday at Electric City Bugaloo, and Mike returns from vacation, we're going to show what MAKES us championship worthy!
CHUCK: Speaking of Saucy, what was with yesterday?
JOE: Oh, that? Well, let's just say...she's transforming herself. THat she's no longer Secretary Saucy anymore.
CHUCK: Keeping it a secret? Alright, no problem. Joe, it's been great interviewing you, and good luck with your matches.
JOE: Thanks, Chuck.
*Fade out*
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Post by Teddy Awesome- Back in Style on Oct 19, 2005 18:25:35 GMT -5
*We see Theo and his partner (Still Unnamed) getting loaded into an ambulence.*
Theo: Where's.... Where's the damn camera?
*The Camera moves in on Theo.*
Theo: I'm not entirly sure who'd have the balls to do this to me and my friend, but I have an idea who it might have been. WDD, you think that taking me out using some fancy sneak tatics? Well, I'm going to come back to the EWT... and when I do, I will get my revenge. Dude, I promise you... that when it comes to wrestling... come Hell, high water, or midcard heel... I will... not.... QUIT.
*Theo is loaded up into the Ambulence as we see it drive off.*
*Cut scene*
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Oct 19, 2005 19:14:37 GMT -5
*Curly Long is backstage he is writing up this weeks match Board, there's a knock at the door and in walks Todd grisham*
TODD: Mr. Long many fans want to know when the next PPV is? . . they just can't hold on any longer . . can you give them something?
*Curly looks up and gives a sick looking grin*
CURLY: Sure, I suppose that inbred bunch of ingrates have to do something other than waiting for there retirement slips . . *laughs as a boo from the crowd can be heard*. . . the next PPV which will be on 30th October will be called . . . well actually when me and Big were thinking about it . . we decided it didn't matter what it was called so we named it . . . "We Couldn't Be Arsed with a Name" . . .
TODD: Oh . . .
CURLY: Hey its not the name that matters, its the card . . . and it is a real cracker of a card . . . Dorf vs Moxie, Spaz v Eddie Omega, Ultimo Chocula vs Joe Ragnal . . and so much more . .. full details will be up later in the week . . . Now if you don't mind put the match board outside would you . .
* Todd takes the board and puts it in the hallway, while he is doing this the APA walk in and offer there bodyguarding services to Curly . . he quickly accepts and closes the door!*
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Post by paulpodanski on Oct 20, 2005 1:00:44 GMT -5
Announcer: The following contest is a 10 Man Battle Royal for the Unofficial Toolshed Championship. The only way to be eliminated is to be thrown over the top rope... and apparently into a swimming pool...
Suddenly the Repoman's theme starts up and he comes slinking down to the ring... in a bathing suit. He swims over and into the ring.
Announcer: Introducing first... from The Repo Depot, weighing in at 292 pounds, The Repoman!!!
Repoman cackles and goes over to a corner of the ring and awaits the other opponents. Suddenly loud techno music starts up and Romeo and Antonio dance out.
Announcer: From some dance club, first at 220 pounds Romeo and at 235 pounds, Antonio!!!
The two dance their way down to the ring and swim over... then do their little rip off the pants revealing their own matching swim trunks. Next Paul London's generic theme starts up and he runs out like a nut.
Announcer: From Austin, Texas, weighing in at 205 pounds, Paul London!!!
Paul quickly slides into the ring and does his crazy looking backflips off the turnbuckles. After he finishes, Typhoon's music starts up and he stomps down to the ring.
Announcer: From Parts Unknown, weighing in at 384 pounds, Typhoon!!!
Typhoon enters the ring as well. The other wrestlers are starting to get a bit restless. Next the Headbanger's Theme starts up.
Announcer: From Mt. Laurel, NJ, weighing in at 243 pounds, Mosh and from Seattle, WA, weighing in at 245 pounds, Thrasher!
The Headbangers enter the ring as well, the ring starting to look a bit crowded. Next Val Venis's theme starts up.
Announcer: From Las Vegas Nevada, weighing in at 227 pounds, Val Venis!!!
Val comes out with his towel and enters the ring, doing his little routine. Finally, really bad porn music starts up.
Announcer: And... finally... from Memphis Tennesee, weighing in at 496 pounds, Viscera!!!
Viscera slowly walks out and wades through the pool, then enters the ring as well. All the opponents are in the ring now. Suddenly, Let the Bodies Hit the Floor starts up and Paul bursts out from backstage, pumped and ready for his unofficial title's defense.
Announcer: And from Birmingham Alabama, weighing in at 312 pounds, he is The Drunken Demon and the Unofficial Toolshed Champion, Paul Podanski!!!
Paul smirks and then walks backstage, returning with his huge trash bag of goodies. He takes it and runs full speed towards the ring, sliding inside, only to get pounded on by all the participants. Podanski groans a bit but starts fighting back. Soon everyone separates and starts fighting others. Soon, Mosh gets tossed over the ropes by Big Vis and makes a huge splash into the pool surrounding the ring.
Announcer: Mosh has been... eliminated!!!
The fighting continues as Repo Man fishes through Paul's bag and finds... a tennis racquet... from his gimmick as Paul Birdie, the evil Tennis Instructor. He takes it and whacks London over the head. London groans and holds his now injured head.
Meanwhile, the Heartthrobs are double teaming Podanski, hitting him with a few lefts and rights. They then gives him a double gut kick then try to hoist him up for a double suplex into the Pool, but Paul resists and counters, picking them both up for a double Spinbuster outside of the ring instead.
Announcer: Romeo and Antonio have been.... eliminated!!!
The Heartthrobs groan and head back backstage. Meanwhile, London's still getting pounded on with the tennis racquet. On the other side of the ring, Thrasher is beating on Val with more lefts and rights. Val soon starts fighting back though by grabbing him for a Fisherman Suplex to the mat. Thrasher goes down hard, Val lifting him up and chucking him over the ropes to the outside... with another splash.
Announcer: Thrasher has been... eliminated!!!
Viscera walks over to Val and two give each other a high five, only for Viscera to grab and toss Val over the ropes next. Val however grabs the ropes and lands on the apron. He slowly enters the ring again and looks at everyone else, who eye Vis. Then everyone, except Paul London, come over and flips Vis over the ropes and into the ring... with a HUGE Splash.
Announcer: Viscera has been... eliminated!!!
Viscera frustratingly hits the water, splashing some into the ring, then reluctantly exits. Podanski walks back over to his bag and brings out a shovel, from his gimmick as the friendly gardener Paul Pollen. He then takes it and smashes it over the head of Typhoon, causing him to groan in pain, holding his head. Paul then swings again, even harder, this time hitting his chest. Typhoon stumbles over into the ropes as Podanski runs forward and rams him with it, sending him over the top as well.
Announcer: Typhoon has been... eliminated!!!
It's down to the final four now. Val, Repo Man, London and Podanski. But that number's soon reduced to three after a double dropkick from Val and London, sending Repo Man sailing over the top as well.
Announcer: The Repo Man has been... ELIMINATED!!!
Immediately Val and London look at Paul. They both run forward for a double clothesline and take him down to the mat. Podnaski groans as Val and London look at each other, then starts nailing each other with lefts and rights.
Paul takes Val down with a dropsault. He gets back up and fishes inside Podanski's bag and pulls out a bunch of crap... including a cue stick, a fire extinguisher, a baseball bat, and even a teddy bear. Finally, he takes out a chair and runs forward, then leaps up at a rising Val and tries to dropkick the chair into his face. Val quickly ducks and London goes down hard.
Venis lifts the fallen London back up and throws him over the top. He goes flipping into the pool.
Announcer: Paul London has been... eliminated!!!
Val looks back over at a rising Podanski and runs forward, going for a clothesline, but it's countered as he's grabbed and hoisted up for the manhattan drop. Val groans and bounces about the ring. Paul then pulls out another weapon from his bag, a bunch of smiley faced helium balloons... with string. He then runs over and takes him down with a Yakuza kick.
Paul bends down and ties the balloons to Val's wrists, so he can't punch. Val looks a bit confused as he's hoisted back up then slammed down with a DDT to the mat. Paul smirks and goes back over to his bag, next pulling out one of those Ride On dolphin pool toys, to fit with the match's location of course! Val is still groggy as Paul rolls him over to a nearby turnbuckles, smacking him with a discarded tennis Racquet. he then places the Dolphin toy onto his chest and points to the nearby turnbuckle, climbing up and then leaping off for the Appaulachian Splash! He lands hard on Val... bursting the dolphin toy into a million pieces all over the ring. Val groans from the splash as the crowd cheers, Podanski hoisting Val back up and walking over to the edge of the ring, then spinning around, 1...2...3....4....5...6....7... and Paulerbombs him to the pool on the outside. The bell rings.
Announcer: Here is your winner... and still the Unofficial Toolshed Champion, Paul Podanski!!!
Paul smirks and walks over, grabbing his bag... and his belt from a referee as he quickly exits and heads backstage. As he leaves, we go to a commercial.
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Oct 20, 2005 4:00:02 GMT -5
*Again we are backstage in Curly's Office, the Apa are sitting at a table playing cards and drinking beer*
FAROOQ: Hey Bradshaw I thought you had a match against Moxie later?
BRADSHAW: Yeah,so?
FAROOQ . .as JBL I thought you scrapped that gimmick?
BRADSHAW: Yeah but the fans have taken to me for once . . . so I now lead a double life!
FAROOQ: Damm!
*Farooq has lost the card game, so they crack open another beer each, meanwhile Curly has called in Sum Guy for an Announcement*
SUM GUY: Hi i'm Sum Guy and I bought Mae Young's hand on Ebay for $6200 . . . so Curly whats this news?
CURLY: Well Sum, Its just to announce a few more matches for 'We Couldn't Be Arsed with a Name' . . and they are . .
*A drumrole starts up from no where in paticular*
CURLY LONG: We will have a number one contenders match for the Tag Team Titles . . . it will be The Nyrds vs The P.T.A . . . whilst the actual Tag Team Chempions Limey/ Heartbreak Hitman Bret Michaels will defend the title's against Joe & Mike Ragnal in a ladder match! . . . .
SUM GUY: But that means Joe Ragnal is in two matches . . .
CURLY: Hey your quick, thats right the fool wants to risk serious injury by participating twice at the ppv . . but what the hell this is Wrestling! . . .
*Curly rubs his bald head*
CURLY: I would like to also announce that I, 'Curly Long' the greatest superstar in EWT history & Mr. Big will be taking on both Raskall & Trunk at the ppv!
SUM GUY: You found Big?
CURLY: Well no, but i'm sure he'll be found by the time of the PPV . . you don't just lose 7ft 3inch tall people everyday!. . .Now get out and tell everyone!
*Curly grabs Sum Guy before he can do his usual final announcing bit and throw him out the office*
(fade out)
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Post by DSR on Oct 20, 2005 9:24:01 GMT -5
*DSR is backstage, ready to be interviewed.
Hoss Matthews: DSR, D-Boy has accepted your challenge for the next PPV, We Couldn't Be Arsed with a Name. He's also named the stipulations, that it will be a No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere ULTIMATE X Stairway to Hell match.
DSR: Yeesh, is this gonna be a wrestling match or a Double Dare obstacle course?! Yeah, I heard what D-Boy had to say. Normally I'd come back with an angry-as-hell reply, but honestly, I couldn't find anything in that friggin' message of his to refute. I mean, usually my opponents say something that could be considered debatable, but D-Boy has gotten so delusional in his old age that he doesn't know what the hell I do in that ring. I might have a few aerial moves in my arsenal, but I do not do "umpteen flips onto thumbtacks" as he says. I'm not an acrobat, I'm not a spotfiend, and I'm certainly no comedy act, I'M DSR! And I've already made my name by being the best WRESTLER the EWT has. You think I need you to put me over?! Hell, man, I've agreed to END MY CAREER after this match! You make less sense than a Warrior promo! So go ahead, spout off all the gibberish about me you want, cause at the PPV, I'm not gonna cravate you, I'm gonna BREAK you. And the last memory that my FANS will have of my career...will be that I was right all along...that you are nothin' but a mongoloid with a trampoline in your yard and a lighttube in your hand...and that I...am BETTER than you.
*DSR storms off to get ready for his match.
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Post by curtrok on Oct 20, 2005 15:01:07 GMT -5
JR: Welcome back everyone Scott Norton is in the ring awating his opponent.
*Aggressive Rock Music*
JR: Bah Gawd here is comes, a young superstar that seems to have a beef with EWT veteran Curtrok the Penultimate Warrior.
*Penultiamte Warrior sprints down the entrance ramp to the ring. Warrior slides under the bottom rope Norton immdeiatley starts to stomp the Penultimate one about the head but the Warrior just gets up and conencts with a hard clothsline.
Warrior hits the ropes, splash, 1.....2......3....*
JR: Bah Gawd he just beat Scott Norton in a flash, and the pun was intended King, did we get a time on that.
King: He beat him faster than puppies f***, it was 19 seconds a new record! Look the Warrior wants the mic.
PW: EWT fans for to long you have had to endure fat out of shape wrestlers and boring matches. I bring you intensity, the same intenisity that a rocket ship uses to BLAST OFF INTO THE UNIVERSE. I defy anyone one back stage to step into the ring with the Penultimate one.
*The crowd errupts as Botchberg walks down the entrance ramp in a pair of jeans and a Fear the BLEARG! T-shirt.*
BB: Hey shit head don't think I didn't see the cheap shot you took at my best firend to get yourself over. Let me tell you something you overreated, jucied up muscle head. I was no selling moves and hurting wrestlers way before you came down to the EWT so I suggest you exit that ring before I enter it and do some BLEARG! Damage.
*Botchberg walks down to the ring steps then carefully enters the the ring. Botchberg and Penultimate Warrior are face to face excahnging words. Botchberg shoves Warior, Warrior answers back with a shove of his own, Botchberg bounces of the ropes SPEAR! Botchberg starts to drop hard elbows on the ribs of the stunned PW just then a familiar music his heard in the arena.
JR: Bah gawd its Botch Steiner what the hell is he doing here. He's slimed down a little but he's in great shape king.
*Botch Steiner runs down to the ring and starts to lay and catches Botchberg with a bulldog. Steiner is heard screaming, I didn't forget as the two men pummel Botchberg.*
JR: This is henious some one has to stop this, this ain't right.
*Just then the lights go out in the arena*
King: What now?
*Curtrok's orginal crow music starts to blast throughout the arena. Seach lights probe the rafters until the finally find CURTROK IN THE RAFTERS! (with a microphone of course.)*
CR: It seems like old times here doesn't it? Warrior don't think I forgot our past encounters, nor did I forget you Steiner but the time has come for Curtrok and Botchberg to move forward and shed off the chains of the past. We have both learned from our mistakes and we are hear to stay!
*Huuuuuuuuuge Pop*
CR: Warrior, Steiner I suggest you leave that ring right now of face severe consequences.
*The two men continue their assult on Botchberg. Curtrok drops down from the rafters on a zip line. Warrior charges at Curtrok but he had is trusty bat with him and cracked the Warrior right in the ribs, Curtrok followed that shot up with a ddt.
Steiner charges at Curtrok only to have his legs taken out by the back. Steiner gets up clutching his knee SPEAR! Steiner rolls out of the ring while Curtrok and Botchberg celebrate.
BB: You two want a piece of us then we'll see you at the PPV!
*Steiner and Warrior can be see mouthing "you're on!"
Break.
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Post by Chrysta on Oct 20, 2005 17:00:13 GMT -5
*Chrysta and Ms. White are looking down the matchboard*
Chrysta:*tch* Typical males...a bikini hardcore match.
Ms. White: it can't be that bad.
Chrysta: Ms. White! I am an Ice QUEEN! I shouldn't have to degrade myself to such a type of match! Although, the hardcore aspect will be much enjoyable...
Ms. White: Oh, my God...Chrysta, I know you've destroyed your last two opponents, but I think you may just go a little too far with-
Chrysta: Ms. White! If I ever intend to be apart of the Connection, and have them help me in my war against the Ragnals, and poor, dear Linda...then it shall be done!
*Ms. White walks off, leaving Chrysta behind.*
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Oct 20, 2005 21:27:48 GMT -5
The camera shoots over the EWT audience then moving to Gorilla & The Body at the announce booth.
Gorilla Monsoon: Hello everybody I’m Gorilla Monsoon along with Jesse “The Body” Ventura & boy do we have something in store for you.
Jesse “The Body” Ventura: You’re right Monsoon. Coming up now we have the TOOTH FLOSS interview with his magnificence, FLEX MAGNIFICENT!!!
GM: That will be quite an interview. Maybe we can finally get down Flex’s demeanor as of late. The man has been an unstoppable force here in the EWT. He has destroyed the Toomi Tron on 2 occasions! He hast fatally injured 3 superstars which has been his worst since his arrival in the EWT, & last but certainly not least he killed Mae Young!
JV: Gorilla, Flex Magnificent is a man on a mission after Crap-a-Mania II & frankly we don’t have to watch the interview to realize that it’s only going to get worse!
GM: But Jess, there is one question that begs to be asked before we turn it over to Tooth. Who the heck is he?
JV: Well Monsoon I could tell you & spoil the entire surprise OR you can keep your panty hose on & wait the few seconds it’s going to take to roll it!!!
Gorilla gives The Body a weird look & looks away as Jess takes it away.
JV: So WITHOUT further ado let’s get to the ghetto with TOOTH FLOSS!!!!
GM: What?! You’ve gotta be kidding me!
The shot fades out of the broadcast booth & now focuses on a montage of street scenes in what could be classified as a ghetto. There’s cats playin’ Cee-Low on the corners, there’s a caddy rollin’ up to some honeyz, now a shot of a pair of sneakers tied to one another stuck on some telephone lines, next shot is of some gang members displayin’ their colors & showing some gang signs, & lastly a shot of a street hoops game in progress shirts vs. skins style.
The montage completes as the screen is now inside an interview area made up to look like a studio apartment in the heart of Harlem with a bogus in-house recording of fake rap music for the background pumpin’ out of Floss’ boom box located on a lamp stand next to him.. The interview scene is set up with a broken couch for the guest & a coffee table with a roach on the ashtray & some half full bottles of Colt .45. The floor is adorned with garbage, laundry, & dirty diapers. As soon as the scene is scoped we finally catch a glimpse of our host, TOOTH FLOSS who we now see is a thugged out Jim Ross! He has on a throwback Wilt Chamberline jersey along with a doo-rag on & his trademark black Stetson with a belt buckle of a bramma bull’s skull & horns on the center of his 10 gallon. He has on a red bandana around his throat with his classic JR glasses on. Along with the bandana is a platinum chain attached to a motherflippin’ grandfather clock! Which goes well with his camouflage pants & Timberline boots. He looks a combination of a cat lying down & Jabba the Hut. He begins the interview.
Tooth Floss: *speaks slowly in his southern drawl* Sup b***hez? I is Tooth Floss & welcome to my office. I knows I may look familiar, but I ain’t. And I know why you be thinkin’ why dey call me Tooth Floss. Well since suckaz gots to know I might as well drop ya a line. Because when I get a b***h in my crib I like flip dat sumab***h like a flapjack & go to town on dat ghetto onion & serve me up a salad freshly tossed with dese muthaf***az!!! *Tooth Floss shows off his what appears to be copper teeth instead of gold or platinum. One reason why you can tell they’re copper is due to one of them being as green as the Statue of Liberty* And when I be done I need to get a combo of that coochy hair & a** hair out my f***ing teeth so I need me some tooth floss, ya dig?
Not only dat but check out Tooth’s floss *holds up his platinum chain & points to the grandfather clock*. Now that ain’t no piece of spinach from tonight’s suppah that’s a muthaf***in ANTIQUE!!! Handcrafted from the 1800's sucka.
Now let’s dig into sometin else & dat’s what’s hot in da EWT; Now peeps be hollerin’ to know what’s da 411 in da EWT & as of late dat Flex Magnificent has been doin’ some trifilin’ s*** tearin’ down da goddang Toomitron, hatin’ on Henry, maimin’ Sabu, & other ish. Now Flex’s ish is da issue of today’s episode of Tooth Floss’s Weekly Checkup. So without further ah-do let’s holla at FLEX MAGNIFICENT!!!
Floss takes out the tape of generic rap music & puts in a tape of Flex’s new theme “The Lonely Man.” Flex & “The Doctor of Muscletology” Dr. Frederick Delavier open the door to Floss’ apartment & slowly make their way to the couch. Both men are looking all over the floors for rats & tip toeing around any of the garbage left all over the floor. They finally make it to the couch unscaved & take a seat as Floss stops the tape.
TF: Sup cuz? *Floss gives Flex & Dr. Delavier one of those multistep hand shakes & proceeds with the interview* So let’s get down to it..........What the f**k is yo problem?
There’s awkward silence as Flex & Dr. Delavier both look at each other. Flex looks back at Tooth Floss with his potato sack on & points to himself.
Flex Magnificent: You mean me?
TF: Yeah you, you gully muthaf***a! What da hell is yo problem? Ya hafta destroy that big ass TV, ya messed up soma da best wrestlers on da planet, & ya f***in’ murdered dat old bag. Man, you white folks are sure messed up. It’s fo damn sure ya neva see any black folks actin’ like that!
Flex begins to shake at the lowdown dirty ish Tooth is spittin’ at him.
Dr. Frederic Delavier: Now this is uncalled for. We are suppose to be having an interview here.
TF: DIS IS DA INTERVIEW, B***H!!! Now quit frontin & start stuntin’, ya lame ass p***y French Fried F**k!
Dr. FD: How dare you!
Flex is starting to shake even more with each insult Tooth Floss throws at his mentor & manager.
TF: *in a fake wussy French accent* Hoooow daaare yooou! Whatcho gonna do bout it, punk? Ya gonna your Aryan Hitler smokin’ b***h on me ya Pepe LaPue stankin’ runt?!
Dr. FD: *with a mighty roar that stops even Flex’s convolsing!* NOW THAT WILL BE ENOUGH!!!! Now Tooth Floss, you be tryin’ to pinch some nerves & throw some curves at my man Flex now, but all you doin’ is bombin’ like ‘Nam & ringin’ that Bell’s Palsey like the f***in’ hunchback of Notre Dame. Now ya best quit steppin’ when ya ain’t even gonna get in da ring, foo’!
TF: WHAT THE F**K!!! Ya better have some better amunition than that Lou Ferringo c**k s***ing lackey cuz it’s on, muthasucka!
Tooth Floss gets up out of his chair & pulls a glock on Dr. Frederick Delavier, but Dr. D grabs his gun toting wrist & pulls it up as Tooth Floss fires some random shots in the air. Flex takes personal offense at the Ferringo comment since he made him his b***h in the WBF & says......
FM: FERRIGNO SUCKED MINE YOU BOVINE OX!!!!
While Dr. Delavier is struggling with TF Flex charges at him & spears him right into that grandfather clock attached to Tooth’s chain. Tooth is totally wiped out as Flex gets back up & rips off Tooth’s doo-rag & picks him up by whatever hair is left on his head.
FM: Now you see wut people get demselves indo. Limey....you huv godden yoself indo something dat has no way out. And until I seek my retribution others must suffer.
Dr. Delavier hands Flex a cheesegrater to Flex.
FM: Now Limey *holds up the cheesegrater* You best be GRATEful for the time you have to prepare. *Flex begins grating Tooth Floss’s face viciously!* BE GRATEFUL LIMEY!!! BE GRATEFUL!!! BE GRATEFUL!!!
Flex stops grating Floss’ face & the camera pulls in for a closeup! But that’s not it. Flex begins to drag Tooth over to the prop stove in the kitchen portion of the set & turns the gas on. Dr. Delavier chimes in & pulls out a plastic bottle of lighter fluid. FM: But that’s not all Limey......No, not at all. See Limey...you say life has hunded me limes...No....I think it is quite the contrary & like you tried do do do my.career here in da EWT I’m going do make yo’ career go up *Dr. Delavier pours on the lighter fluid, after TAKING THE CAP OFF, all over the stove & before Flex goes on the flame jumps up like an inferno* in FLAME!
Flex pulls up the bloddy Floss & presses his grated bleeding face onto the flaming stove. Floss is screaming like a damn girl!
TF: *in a girly voice* BAH GOD! THIS IS HEINOUS!!!
Both Flex & Dr. Delavier begin laughing as the camera moves away from Flex & goes on the screaming Floss. We now see Flex move Floss’ hands from his face & give him a good right for measure as he puts the potato sack over Floss’ face. We see Floss with the potato sack on & his girlish screams as we fade to the next segment.
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Oct 20, 2005 21:28:25 GMT -5
Rikishi is in the ring getting the crowd riled up for his match by making the ref dance with him as the Fink announces him. Though over the Fink’s announcement we are treated to Gorilla & The Body’s take on what they have just witnessed.
Gorilla Monsoon: That is the most discipable act I have ever seen here during my tenure in the EWT. I can’t believe he destroyed Jim Ross’....I mean Tooth Floss’ face! This has got to stop, Jess!
Jesse “The Body” Ventura: Monsoon, what did I tell you before we went to the promo? This man can’t be stopped. This man has been degraded to the level of a circus freak & he won’t stop until he gets his revenge.
GM: Revenge or no revenge. That was a human being! He has a family!
JV: He was also going through a middle-age crisis!
GM: Would you please stop!
JV: NO! Because I’m right!
GM: Well anyway, Rikishi is in the ring & is ready to face that disfirgured freak Flex Magnificent. I hope he tears him limb from limb inside that squared circle & show him no mercy like he did to Mark Henry. Sabu, 911, & poor Mae Young!
JV: Monsoon, that seems highly unlikely. Like I said Flex Magnificent is on the warpath & I doubt the likes of Rikishi can stop this man.
GM: We’ll see as we go to the Fink.
The camera is on Howard Fink as he is set to announce Flex Magnificent.
Howard Finkel: And his opponent...........Woefully heading down the aisle with his manager ”The Doctor of Muscletology” Dr. Frederick Delavier.[/I] Currently exiled from his homeland Nuremberg. Germany. He weighs in at 330 lbs of dread & contempt. With arms in length of 30 inches round, waist 38", legs 24", & at a height of 6'7". In better times he was known as The Genetic Superman.[/i] He is....FLEEEEEX.....MAAAAAAGNIFICENT!!!![/I]
”The Lonely Man” theme begins to play as Rikishi is ready for action until out of nowhere Flex is in the ring & clotheslines Rikishi from behind! GM: Pearl Harbor job from Flex Magnificent!
As soon as both men hit the floor Flex picks Rikishi up by his head & continuously slams his face into the mat. He gets up & whips Rikishi as hard as he can into the corner with a resonating sound! JV: Jeez, Monsoon! The ring must’ve shifted a foot after that.
Flex is back on the attack with stiff right hand shots. Rikishi slumps to the bottom run as Flex looks amongst the crowd with that potato sack with eyeholes on his head & rips off the turnbuckle like it’s a protein bar wrapper & pulls Rikishi back up. He continuously slams Rikishi’s head into the buckle 20 TIMES!!! The blood is oozing off the beloved Samoan as he falls backwards unconscious. Flex walks around pointing to the crowd & what looks to be yelling at them as well.
He then lifts Rikishi up & with all the power encompassed in him pulls him up over his head for what looks like a Razor’s Edge. But he begins running for an opposing side of the ring &....DUMPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE CONCRETE!!!!
The fans immediately begin chanting, “HE CAN’T WRESTLE!” *clap clap clap clap clap*
The ref without taking any chances calls for the bell & runs out to check on Rikishi as the camera goes up to a close up Flex’s face with the sack on. Flex looks at the camera as he is joined with “The Doctor of Muscletology” Dr. Frederick Delavier. Both men exit the ring & walk on top of the laying body of Rikishi as the EMTs rush down the aisle to get Rikishi onto a stretcher.
GM: My dear Lord I can not believe what I have just seen! First Tooth Floss is mortally disfigured & now Rikishi may be joining the same club as Mae Young. JV: Haha Monsoon. I hate to tell ya I told you so, but I told you so.
GM: I simply just can’t believe it!
JV: Well start, Monsoon, because this is what the EWT is going to have to get use to. Flex Magnificent is making it known loud & proud that he is not here to be messed with. Limey can make all the jokes he wants, but when it comes time for him to put up or shut up Flex Magnificent is going to shut him up indefinitely!!!!! GM: That just may be the case. Let’s go to the back as we have a word from Sum Guy that there is another disturbance going on in the back!
The scene fades as we see Flex Magnificent walking away with Dr. Frederick Delavier to the back as the EMTs are checking to see if Rikishi is OK.
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