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Post by paulpodanski on Jan 5, 2006 10:20:28 GMT -5
Paul Podanski is back in the locker-room with his Momma.
Paul: What the hell were you doing out there with that nasty S.O.B., Dick Slater Momma?! Don't you know that he's with those goons from the Pschideli?!
Momma looks at Paul
Momma: Look Paul... I'm a grown woman... and I can do whatever I want to do! If I want to date Dick Slater... then damn it, I'm gonna do it! Just like if I wanted to date anybody else here... and you can't say no!
Paul: But Momma... this is probably a trap. You know that hippy wants my belt... and he'll do anything he can to take it from me.
Momma: But but...
Paul: Now tonight, I'm going up against another one of Mick Foley's Alter Egos... I'm guessing Dude Love is next week. But I want you to stay here...
Momma: Why should I?
Paul: Because... the Psychideli can't get to you back here... which means if PAraslcie was planning anything this week... those plans just got canceled. And don't worry... after I retain my belt against Mankind or whatever his name is... I'll come straight back.
Momma looks at Paul for a bit and sighs.
Momma: .... Fine.
Paul nods and turns away... walking out of his locker room... leaving the door open. As he exits... Val Venis and Viscera walk by. Val points to Momma.
Val: So... would you hit that?
Viscera: .... Geez... even I have some standards Val...
She flips him off and slams the door.
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Post by chanceconfidence on Jan 5, 2006 10:34:49 GMT -5
The screen shows Principal Pain... who has a solemn look on his face.
Pain: Hello my pupils.
The crowd boos immensely
Pain: As you know... Chance Confidence was last week... assaulted and brutalized. But it seems that this week he still has a match... and being the great superstar he is... he's still going to put that match on for all of you. So without further ado... here's the match you've been waiting for.
The screen changes showing a giant hand holding a Chance Confidence and Zeus Figure.
Familiar High Pitched Voice: The following... ummmm contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first... Chance Confidence. His opponent... Zeus!
The voice makes a bell sound. He starts smacking the figures against each other in this horrible parody of a match. The crowd boos and chants " This sucks! This sucks! This Sucks! The Zues figure knocks down Chance Confidence and pins him for the 1...2...3...
Voice: The winner of the match... Zeus!!!
The Zues figure does a victory dance of some sort. Then the hand picks up the Chance Confidence figure.
Chance: Oh bloody ell... I lost me match govenuh! I dare say this is the worst stickey wicket I've ever been in by jove! Pipi pip tally ho. It's time for tea I's think!
The Chance figure forcibly moves over to a giant doll house.
Chance: Oh hello dear... my what a strenous day at work... I jobbed... again. And I lost... again. But at least I still have you.
The chance figure walks inside the house and up to a Pikachu figurine. The hand then forcibly makes the two " make out " with each other as much as humanly possible.
Chance: oh I say... I'm having a bloody wonderful time. I just hope I last more than thirty seconds this time. Ho ho...
The Zeus figurine walks into the house... by another hand.
Russian Voice: Durr... I is Zeus... I'm going to beat you up again Chance!
The Chance figure turns around.
Chance: Oh no,... I gone an wet meself. How bloody unfortunate! I'm so bloomin embarrassed right now... I could cry. And I think I will.
The voice makes really fake sounding crying noises... as the Zeus figure smacks against the Chance one over and over again...
Zeus: Take that... and that... and one of these!
The crowd continues booing. The Chance Figure starts acting like it's running away now... with the Zeus chasing after. The crowd is growing more and more angry. You can now hear the voices laughing.
Chance: oh no... now I'm gonna be fired for sure! Ah well... I'll just go back to my job as a chimney sweep I daresay!
The chance figure does a stupid dance as the Zeus one smacks against it again. Finally the screen shifts back to Principal Pain who seems to be holding back laughter.
Pain: Ahhhh.. well that was a shame wasn't it? I suppose the beating we gave Confidence took a drastic effect didn't it? Ah well... don't worry, later this week... the P.T.A. will show you how a match... is REALLY done.
He smirks and the screen shuts off.
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Post by girlnextdoor on Jan 5, 2006 12:27:48 GMT -5
Announcer: This next contest is scheduled for one fall & is a rematch from last week. Making the way to the ring first is the former Playboy playmate, Sable. And her opponent, the mysterious one of EWT...Mystery.
*Sable gets into the ring first as she awaits Mystery. She has what looks like a a look of concern on her face, as Mystery comes to the ring with a steel chair in hand. Mystery slides into the ring & sets the chair up in the middle of the ring. She sits down on it as Sable just looks on at her, trying to understand what's going on. Mystery just sits there & closes her eyes. The bell rings as Sable stands there, concerned. Mystery just sits in the ring on her chair. Sable starts to approach, trying to make sense of what is going on. Just as she draws closer, Mystery continues to sit with her eyes closed & lowblows Sable with a foot. Mystery quickly gets to her feet, where she grabs the chair & runs at Sable, smashing the chair in her face. Mystery lifts up Sable & bodyslams her. Mystery grabs the chair & brings it crashing down on Sable's back. Mystery then lifts up Sable, where she applies the Mandible Claw. The referee calls for the bell, but awards the match to Sable via disqualification. Mystery, in a rage, attacks the referee. She smahses the chair down on the referee's head, then connects it again on Sable, busting her open. Mystery stirs her finger in sable's blood & then leaves the ring to a chorus of boo's.*
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Jan 5, 2006 12:38:01 GMT -5
The scene is the EWT interview area as Mean Gene is on the ball with getting to his next guest.
Mean Gene Okerlund: Hi everybody, I’m Mean Gene Okerlund. And slowly, but surely it has been playing out. The feud between Flex Magnificent & Maelstrom. It all started not too long ago when Flex Magnificent started his own cooking show. The main dish? Barracus, Maelstrom’s pride & joy of the Aquarium. And this week we finally get to see these 2 men battle it out in a NON-TITLE match this week on EWT Morning After Superstars. Which brings me to my next guest. He is the perpetrator of Maelstrom’s recently deceased companion. He comes with his creator ”The Doctor of Muscletology” Dr. Frederick Delavier. He goes by the name of the The Genetic Superman. Let’s bring in FLEX MAGNIFICENT!
Flex Magnificent & Dr. Delavier arrive looking magnificent as always. Flex spares no time & gets to the point.
Flex Magnificent: Mean Gene! Listen politly ad wut I huv do say. Very very soon Fish Monger it’ll be me und you in dat ring. De tidle may not be on de line, but soon enough de EWT Champyonchip committee will soon realize dat Maniflex Destiny is inevitable und dat means dat gold will be around my waist. When de choir is singing und de fans uhre cheering my name I will not be throwing you back do sea, Male Strum....No.....I will do just de opposite. I will put you along wit yo friend’s leftovers in my oversized George Foreman Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Oven. Dis ting is so big it could even roast dat fat pig of a mother of yo’s Gene!
MG: Hey! You leave my mother out of this!
FM: It is time dat de EWT huv a tru Tri State Champyon. Not a weirdo who life partnuh was a fish! It won’t be doo long now Fish Monger. Dis may be a non-title exhibition, but aftuh muy performance donight it won take long for de rematch. Und Outlaw....Dis is MY OPPORTUNITY NOT YOURS!!! So you bettah go wrangle yoself anutha opponent because frankly de EWT hus enough hack rustlers as it is witout you trying do mossy in on my tidle opportunity. Outlaw und Male Strum realize one ting.....MANIFLEX DESTINY WAITS FO NO MON!!!!!! Dis is inevitable....Learn do accept it....Learn do live wit it....Und learn do....DIE BY IT!!!!
Flex lays a stern look on the camera with a vicious pose as we fade out with Gene’s shocked face & Delavier’s smile.
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Jan 5, 2006 12:46:18 GMT -5
A flounder looks like it drops on the screen & is rolled up in deli paper as it rolls into our next scene. A bird’s eye view of the Taylor back yard can be seen. As we see Paraslice sneaking around to the fence. The Taylor household is no longer owned by the Taylors giving weigh to why Paraslice is being careful with his steps. He makes it over to the fence & begins to speak.
Paraslice: It’s all coming according to plan. I got that disgusting hack Dick Slater to lure Paul’s mother into our trap. Paul has another match up coming soon with another one of Mick Foley’s alter egos & then we can initiate the 2nd degree of your plan.
As soon as Paraslice finishes his sentence already a humming sound is emanate as a familiar fishing hat with a pair of red glowing eyes appears above the fence. Everything else is black, but those eyes & that hat. It speaks.
Wilson: Howdy ho neighbor. It’s nice to see you’ve dropped by because soon Paul Podanski will be dropping the title.
The screen turns black except for those red glowing eyes which fades into a commercial break.
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Jan 5, 2006 13:57:40 GMT -5
LILLIAN: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way down to the ring…he is best recognized for the tag team of Billy & Chuck…Chuck PALUMBO!
*Generic rock music plays as Chuck Palumbo makes his way down to the ring.*
LILLIAN: And the opponent…from Scranton, PA…he is one half of the EWT Tag Team Champions…Joe RAGNAL!
*Faint plays as Joe Ragnal makes his way out with his half of the tag team titles around his waist and runs down to the ring. The bell rings, and the two circle around the center of the ring until Chuck delivers a kick to Joe’s gut. Chuck grabs Joe and whips him into the ropes and looks for a boot to the face, but Joe rolls under the leg and hits an enziguri on Palumbo. Joe runs tro the ropes for a Lionsault, but Palumbo rolls out of the way. Joe lands on his feet and sees Palumbo charge at him with a clothesline. Joe ducks under, and Palumbo bounces off the ropes and gets kicked in the gut. Joe grabs hold of Palumbo’s head, runs off the top rope, and connects the Windfall. Joe pins Palumbo.*
1!2!3!
*Joe raises his hand up in victory, and then takes to the mic.*
JOE: Hey, Chang! In case you needed any further proof about myself, there you go!
*Faint plays as Joe heads up the ramp. Cut to the back area, with Linda looking on at the matchboard.*
LINDA: So we already know I’m facing Carla for the GND title. Any time would have been fine…but not now. Carla, I’ll fight you, but my heart’s not set on the title now. It’s on Chrysta and her new ‘family’, so to speak. But best of luck, Carla. I know this is going to be a great match one way or another, And Chrysta…I don’t care WHAT you do, after all the matches with the Connection…and the suffering you brought to my family…you are NOT a true Ragnal!
And THAT’S the Shocking Truth!
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Post by girlnextdoor on Jan 5, 2006 16:23:38 GMT -5
*Mystery is walking backstage with the steel chair still in hand, blood on it. Mystery is looking at the chair funny after she sets it down.*
I've been alone with you inside my mind And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times I sometimes see you pass outside my door Hello, is it me you're looking for?
I can see it in your eyes I can see it in your smile You're all I've ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide 'Cause you know just what to say And you know just what to do And I want to tell you so much, I love you ...
I long to see the sunlight in your hair And tell you time and time again how much I care Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow Hello, I've just got to let you know
'Cause I wonder where you are And I wonder what you do Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart For I haven't got a clue But let me start by saying,
Craid DeGeorge: Excuse me. Excuse me, Mystery. May I have a word with you?
*Mystery turns away from the chair.*
Mystery: Excuse me, did you not see me having a conversation here?
CD: I'm sorry. You were? I only saw you...and the chair.
Mystery: EXACTLY CRAIG!!! AND WE WERE TALKING!! THIS IS WHY NOBODY RESPECTS ME!! BECAUSE OF IDIOTS LIKE YOU INTERUPTING MY THOUGHTS!! COME HERE!! COME HERE!!!
*Craig moves in an inch or so.*
NO, CLOSER!!!
*Craig moves in as Mystery grabs Craig DeGeorge & rams his head into the wall. Mystery applies the mandible Claw to a weery Craig DeGeorge as security rushes in to pull her off. Mystery drops Craig, as he falls to the floor, & busts his head open. Mystery turns to the chair again.*
This is why you are the only one for me. The only one I can trust. Because you respect me. You care for me. You are the only one for me.
*Just as Mystery starts to walk away, Toom E Dangerously walks into frame. He stops right in front of Mystery & just stands there for a moment, then he speaks.:*
TED: Excuse me Mystery. May I have a word with you for a moment if you & you're..."friend" are done?
Mystery: How can I help you?
TED: It's not helping me, I just want to say I have been impressed with you since Day 1. And with what you just did to Sable...BEAUTIFUL!! You know how long I wanted to see somebody hurt her?
Mystery: Hurt? You think I hurt her? I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't mean to hurt her. But she...she...she did Playboy. Playboy is a mockery of me. It's a mockery of the backyard. SHE HURT ME!! I NEVER HURT HER!!!
TED: Whoa, hold on. Calm down. Look, I just wanted to let you be the first to know you have a great future here in the Girl Next Door Division. And this Sunday, at Toom E's House Party II, you're not scheduled to be there but I would like you there for a major announcement involving the Girl Next Door Division. Will you be there for some cake?
Mystery: Can I bring a friend?
TED: Um...sure. You can bring your "friend."
Mystery: Thank you.
*Mystery picks up the chair & walks away, talking to the chair.*
We're going to a party, we're going to a party. What will I wear? What will you wear?
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Post by craigkendo on Jan 6, 2006 7:50:21 GMT -5
*"Ich Will" hits. Holly Vaughn, accompanied by Chrysta and Miss White, is out. All three women hold their arms out in prayer.*
Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one-fall. Making her way to the ring, being accompanied by fellow Connection members Chrysta Ragnal and Miss White...from Winnipeg, Mantioba, Canada, "Lady Spectacular", Holly Vaughn!!!!
*The crowd boos the Connection, but only Miss White reacts by yelling at the crowd, distraught. Holly gets into the ring, and holds out her arms in prayer as Chrysta looks on, coldly.*
I AIN'T THE LADY TO MESS WITH!!
*Victoria makes her way out to a fairly good sized pop. She is accompanied by Torrie Wilson, Candice Michelle, and Chloe the dog. Victoria quickly makes her way to the ring.*
Chimel: Aaaand her opponent, from Los Angeles, California, being accompanied to the ring by Torrie and Chloe Wilson and Candice Michelle, VICTORIA!!!
*Victoria gets to the apron, and throws up her hands in a pose, but is quickly assaulted by Holly, who hits a Whippersnapper to the outside onto Victoria. The bell rings, and the match is underway.*
Holly grabs the hair of the downed Victoria, and lifts her up by it, tossing her back into the ring. Holly then goes to the apron, and climbs the top turnbuckle, holding her arms out in prayer. Victoria tries to get to her feet, but as she does she is immediately hit with the DEADLY DDT from Holly Vaughn!!! Holly goes for the pin!
1, 2...
Holly intentionally breaks the pin!!! She motions to Chrysta and Miss White, and both women nod in response....Miss White attacks Torrie Wilson from behind, causing her to drop Chloe!! Chloe runs off into the crowd as Candice Michelle rushes over to help Torrie...Chrysta grabs her from behind and locks in the FROSTBITE!!! FROSTBITE LOCKED IN!!!! Candice tries to fight back, but to no avail. Eventually, Candice goes limp, and Chrysta rolls her into the ring. Miss White does the same to Torrie, before both Chrysta and Miss White slide in. Torrie, surprised by the sudden beatdown she just received, stumbles to her feet, and runs straight into Miss White, who grabs her in a headlock, and then runs up the ropes to hit the STRATUSFACTION!!!!
Chrysta observes Miss White, before turning her attention to Candice. Chrysta stomps down hard onto Candice to make sure she's out, then calmly climbs the turnbuckle, leaping off with the FALLING ICICLE!!!!
With Torrie and Candice down, and Victoria slowly recovering, Holly observes her rise. She looks over to Chrysta, who gives a slow throat-cut gesture. Holly nods responsively, before kicking the rising Victoria in the gut, and then lifting her up, dropping her with the FINAL CONNECTION!!! Holly then goes for the pin!
1, 2, 3!!!
Winner: Holly Vaughn!
*Post-match, Holly holds her arms out in prayer as Chrysta grabs the mircophone to a series of boos.*
Chrysta: Know this...threre will only be one dominant force in EWT, and that is The Connection. They have allowed me to become part of them...to assist them as I see fit where others have shunned me.
*Chrysta gets booed heavily, amidst chants of "She's No Ragnal".*
Chrysta: I am afraid I must correct you people. I am indeed...a Ragnal. My dear sister knows this...although she will not openly admit to it. It is shameful...but it matters not. She will learn to accept me...in time. For now, though, we must retire to our chambers. Come.
*The Connection Females leave the ring, following Chrysta amidts choruses of boos. EMT's come down to see to Victoria, Candice and Torrie. It appears as if a hurricane has hit the ring...*
*Fade out.*
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Jan 6, 2006 12:19:37 GMT -5
*Cue intro to The Tony Danza Show. Tony Danza walks out to start the show*
TD: Hello and welcome to the show! We have a packed show for you today, so let's get started. Our first guest is a wrestling superstar from the EWT. Please welcome the Heartbreak Hitman Bret Michaels!
*HBH walks out. He shaked hands with Tony and sits down*
TD: Great to have you here Bret. So Bret, you wrestle in the EWT. Now how did the EWT come about?
HBH: Well, the EWT was started by its owner Toom E. Dangerously to combat the WCF, which was dominated by the nBo.
TD: And you were once a member of the nBo. Is that right?
HBH: Yes, that's right.
TD: What was that like?
HBH: Those were some of the best times in my life. We all had a great time getting drunk, performing in bingo halls, and squashing anybody who wasn't a member of the nBo. But you know, times change and people change, and I wanted to do something different. So I jumped over to the EWT and my career really started to take off.
TD: And take off it did. You're a 3-time EWT Tag Team Champion, and you also have your own talk show segment.
HBH: Yes. It's called The Heartbreak Hotel. Basically I interview the guests, which are usually other EWT wrestlers. And more often that not, the show ends with some kind of altercation with me and the guest or someone runs in and attacks the guest. It's crazy.
TD: But you live for this kind of stuff, don't you?
HBH: (laughs) Yeah I do.
TD: You also have a woman who usually accompanies you to the ring, Rosa.
HBH: Yeah. Rosa first started out as strictly a valet. But then she decided that she wanted to wrestle, so she trained down at the EWT Power Plant. And I think she's turned out pretty well.
TD: Now, you've been involved in some interesting feuds over the past few months, including one with your former best friend Gasoline. Tell us about that.
HBH: Gas and I used to be the best of friends. We met about 5 years ago while we were wrestling on the west coast and immediately clicked. We performed together, tried to make it big together. So then I got into WCF and joined the nBo, and I promised that I would get him there, which I did. And then I got him to follow me over to the EWT. Everything was good for a while, but I felt that I needed to break out on my own.
TD: And you felt that he was keeping you down?
HBH: In a way, yes. And now look at me. I'm about to partake in a match for the EWT Heavyweight Championship.
TD: Now, what exactly is this match about?
HBH: The match is called a Survival Cage Match. There's 5 rings. One is in the center while 4 are on the outside. Each ring is surrounded by a cage. Five other people are participating in this match. Two of us enter one of the outside rings. Then another two enter another outside ring, whie the last two enter another outside ring. The last outside ring has weapons that we can use in the match. The three winners of those first matches then enter the middle ring and face off in a triple threat match. And from there, the winner and EWT Heavyweight Champion will be determined.
TD: OK, let's run down the other participants. Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark.
HBH: First off, I got nothing against Billy Ubermark. The fact that he's a virgin shouldn't take away from the fact that he's a heck of an athlete. But as good as he is, I'm that much better. And if we do square off, I'll prove that.
TD: Current EWT Tag Team Champion Mike Ragnal.
HBH: Another good athlete, but if you ask me, I don't think he's quite ready for something like this yet. And the only reason he's holding those tag team belts right now is because Limey and I weren't on the same page. If we were, neither him nor his brother would have stood a chance.
TD: Speaking of Limey...
HBH: I think I've made my feelings about him well known. I carried that team for the 3 months we were together. I know it, he knows it, and everybody else knows it too. And if we do face off, you'll see why I am the better man.
TD: EWT Hall of Famer HitmanMark.
HBH: HitmanMark and I go way back. A lot of people don't know this, but we were allies at one point. The nBo had just formed and was starting to take over the wrestling world. So HitmanMark and myself joined two other guys to try and take them down. Of course, that didn't work. And I figured, if I can't beat them, I'll join them, so I did. But HitmanMark wanted to keep fighting them, and when he failed, he jumped over to the EWT, which had just started up. He's done well for himself since then, but he's yesterday's news. It's time to look forward into the future, not backward into the past.
TD: Moxie, who is the current EWT Champion.
HBH: Moxie is a decent athlete. He's been doing good for himself so far as champion. But it's time for his reign to come to an end. When the smoke clears, a new EWT Heavyweight Champion will be crowned. And you're lookin' at him. If anyone has anything to say about it, they'll feel some Sweet Chin Muzak.
TD: Well it was a pleasure having you here Bret. I hope to see you again. Stay tuned, coming up after the break, Mary J. Blige performs her latest single "Be Without You".
*HBH gets up, shakes hands with Tony Danza, and leaves*
*Fade to commercial*
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Deamon Cohln
Don Corleone
AND THAT'S THE GODDAMN TRUTH!
Posts: 1,962
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Jan 6, 2006 12:23:06 GMT -5
*Deamon is backstage and Sum Guy is next to him looking a bit nervous. Deamon looks over to him*
Deamon: You gonna ask something or you just gonna stand there and look retarted.
Sum Guy: Um y-yeah. Deamon what do you think of your tg team match coming up soon with EN Bunk.
Deamon: You know what. As I have been saying, I haven't seen the guy in action. But if i have to work with him, I might as well do my best against that Odd Couple of Curly and Spaz. Even if EN dosen't pull his weight I know I will pull off a victory.
Sum Guy: Your brother Jacola has a match against Haku also this is his first singles match, barring your match at Rebirth, any thoughts?
Deamon: You know what, now that you mention it, I haven't seen the big guy around for awhile. He must still be screwed up from not getting that spot. I just hope he can come out of it for his match.
Sum Guy: Finally, there has been a rumor that Woody Paige will be filing a police report on your attack on him when you appered on Cold Pizza.
Deamon: Woody ain't got nothing on me. Just look at the source. Whoa, deja vu. Anyway. Just let it alone and let me take care of it.
Sum Guy: Well, thats been Deamon Cohln, a competor for the OX Title at Toomis' House Party II
Deamon: Competetor? Hell we've been through this Sum, you will call me the future OX champion. And THAT'S the goddamn truth.
*Deamon walks off confedently, Sum Guy is still on camera. The camera moves back to show Jacola right behind Sum Guy. Sum Guy turns around.*
Sum Guy: Oh CRAP!
Jacola: *grabs Sum* Where's Deamon?
Sum Guy: *points down the hallway* That way...
Jacola: Thanks *tosses Sum against the wall*
*the camera fades out on Sum Guys body laying against a wall.*
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Post by Poker Joker on Jan 6, 2006 14:17:08 GMT -5
(The E.W.T. fans are all excited from the last match they saw. People clammer up to get a view of what's coming next. Suddenly, "Like A Virgin" starts playing over the loudspeakers. The fans erput with boos and shouts of dismay as Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark makes his way down to ringside. Billy is wearing his leather jacket, a designer shirt and pants, new shoes, and carrying his guitar case. A Billy reaches the ring, the camera cuts to a shot of a sign in the audience that reads "I Discriminate Against Virgins" with an arrow pointing down at the guy holding the sign. The camera cuts back, and Billy is now in the ring. He takes a microphone from the ring announcer and begins to address the crowd as his music dies down.)
*BU*: Before I start, I wanna give a big shout out to my friend, Howard Stern and his co-host Robin!
(The fans cheer at the mention of Stern's name.)
*BU*: Howard, thank you for letting me on your show. It was so nice to be someplace where I didn't have to worry about people ripping on me because of my virginity. And thanks for ... uh.... playing that game with me. Even though the girls couldn't get naked for us, that was almost better than any movie I've ever purchased off the TeN channel.
(The crowd cheers, again. A chant of "H.L.A." starts up around the arena.)
*BU*: And best of all, Howard, thank you for letting all of these people see how a Virgin SHOULD be treated on nation-wide television.
(At this, the crowd changes their tune and begins to boo Billy. The camera cuts to a sign in the audience that reads "HOWARD = YES! VIRGIN = NO!" It then cuts back to Billy, who has a huge smile on his face, despite what the crowd's reaction to him is.)
*BU*: Sunday night! Two nights from now! For those of you who have been hiding under a rock, let me fill you in..... That is a day that I promise you will be able to mark down on you calendars as a date when HISTORY WILL BE MADE! Because that is the day of "Toomi's House Party II!"
(The fans applaud for the PPV, and Billy pauses for effect.)
*BU*: And that will be the day that a VIRGIN... ME... will finally break all the barriers of Virgin Discrimination that have held him down, and grab the ultimate prize.... the E.W.T. Heavyweight Championship!
(The fans start booing again at the prospect of Billy becoming Heavyweight Champion. Billy stands in the middle of the ring and stretches his arms out so the entire audience can behold him, like some kind of rock star. Instead, the audience starts up a "Screw the Virgin" chant. After a couple of seconds of this, Billy breaks his pose and starts talking again.)
*BU*: Now I could spend all afternoon just telling you people about the other people in the Survivor Cage match, and how I'm going to kick all of their teeth down each and every one of their throats,.... guys like Moxie...
(The fans erupt in an enormous applause for the reigning Heavyweight Champion. Billy cuts them off as he continues talking again.)
*BU*: Hitman Mark!
(Another enormous applause for the returning legend. Billy cuts them off again.)
*BU*: The over-rated second-rate runt, Mike Ragnal.
(Another enormous response, including a brief "Shocking Truth" chant, before Billy cuts it off.)
*BU*: The Impecable former Tag-Team Champion, The HeartBreak Hitman Brett Michaels.
(A series of boos erupt for HBH. Again, Billy cuts them off by starting to talk again.)
*BU*: And, last but not least... well, actually, he probably is the least, because he's going the first guy who will get his ass eliminated from the Survival Cage.... my first opponent, the Ultimate Fruit, himself, Limey!
(Again the crowd goes back to erupting in a loud cheer for Limey. Billy looks around at them like they're all nuts, but goes back to talking after a few seconds, anyways.)
*BU*: Anyways, like I was saying... I could spend all afternoon TALKING about these guys, but I'd much rather do something even better! I'd like to SING ABOUT THEM for you!
(The crowd groans with disgust as Billy Ubermark opens up his guitar case, and pulls out his guitar. He puts the strap around him, and gets in position to play.)
*BU*: That's right! All of this excitement about me preparing to win the Survivor Cage match on Sunday has inspired me, and I wrote a song especially for the occation. Now I could do this alone, but since this is a special occation, I decided to go out and find myself a back-up band. So I'd like to introduce my back-up band to you, right now! C'mon out here back-up band!
(Billy gestures over towards the entryway. The fans watch for a second or two, and then start booing again. Down the ramp comes Ultimo Chocula. He is wearing a white "Don Johnson from 'Miami Vice'" style suit and carrying a Casio electronic keyboard. He climbs into the ring where Billy has a microphone waiting for him.)
*BU*: Great! Are you ready?
(Ultimo Chocula puts on a cheesey grin and presses a button on the keyboard, producing nothing more than an synthetic drum beat.)
*BU*: Perfect! How about that, folks?!
(The fans show their disapproval with boos and some obscene finger gestures.)
*BU*: Alright! Let's do it! Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy!
(Billy begins strumming his guitar to the tune of "GILLIGAN'S ISLAND" and starts singing).
Oh, sit right back and you'll hear a tail About the Survival Cage match It was part of a twisted idea That the Commissioner had hatched That the Commissioner had hatched
The participants were a motley bunch Five of them would soon get burned But the sixth man was an impressive lad Known as "The Virgin" Known as "The Virgin"
The match started to get quite rough One-by-one each man got tossed If it weren't for the fact that he was so good The Virgin would've lost The Virgin would've lost
When the match had finally finished up Five bodies lay on the floor They were Hitman Mark.... And Moxie, too.... Mike Ragal....And Limey..... And HBH.... And the new Heavyweight Champion was... None other than Billy Ubermark!!!!!!!
(Billy stops playing his guitar as he finishes up, and Chocula turns off the keyboard. The fans boo wildly at Billy takes a bow. "Like A Virgin" starts playing again over the loudspeaker, and Ultimo Chocula comes over by and raises Billy's arm in the air as if in victory. The two exit the ring as the fans continue to taunt and jeer them, and begin making their way back up the ramp as the scene fades to black.)
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Jan 6, 2006 21:11:53 GMT -5
We fade in to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno from the commercial break .... As the camera pans across the studio we can see that Leno's first two guests were Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt ... the camera pans to Jay Leno
JAY LENO: My next guest is a EWT pro-wrestler and self-proclaimed legend in Wisconsin ... He was a former General Manager of EWT and has also won several midget championships ... but he considers himself to be better than that ... always accompanied by his bodyguard and friend Mr. Big ...He's here in L.A to promote the upcoming EWT event Toomi's House Party II ... which can be seen on PPV on January 8th .. Please welcome Curly Long!
A polite applause and a few screams can be heard from the crowd as we cut to the side entrance from which Curly Long comes out atop Mr. Big's Shoulders ... the usual Jay Leno music band plays as they walk out ... Mr. Big is sporting his usual stylish suit and heavy black shades. Curly is in a sharp almost Ivory colored suit, he carries a cane in one hand.
Curly gives a wave to the crowd as Jay Leno gets up and goes to greet Curly Long. They shake hands.
Jay Leno: Hey, how ya doing?, good to meet you ...
Jay Leno offers the two a seat, Mr. Big declines and decides to stand behind the couch arms folded. Curly is introduced to Angelina, who's hand he gives a kiss and a gap toothed smile. Brad Pitt looks concerned but remains calm as Curly shakes his hand. Curly sits down on the Couch which has been raised for him specially.
CURLY: Now before we get rolling on this I just gotta say that I am a huge fan of Brad's work, y'know? ...
Brad gives a thank you kind of shrug, and a smile ... but Curly hasn't finished
CURLY: .. to get a woman like Angelina into bed, with people like me are around in the world... you must know a few tricks .. heh .. care to share a few of them?
Angelina is slightly shocked by this .. but Brad just gives a cheeky smile, which the women in the audience respond to with a loud roar of screams. As Curly gives a sly wink to the camera, whilst Mr. Big just shakes his head in despair. Jay Leno quickly cuts into the interview before anything else happens
JAY LENO: So Curly ... as I'm told your one of the hottest up coming stars of the EWT right now, is that right?
CURLY: Well thanks Jay I always new I had the looks ... but no seriously I've been hanging in the EWT for a while now, so I'm no rookie ... which is why I have a spot on the gauntlet this Sunday.
JAY LENO: Ah yes thats right your going to be one of 6 men competing in what you call a gauntlet match ...
CURLY: Thats right, one after the other we come out to show who really is OX division material ...its all about the skills Jay .. well actually mine ...
JL: .. I gotta say, you sound confident mind if we go through your opponents and your thoughts on them?
CL: Sure ..
First an Image of EN Bunk & Bolt Bacana appears
JL: So these two are .. looks at card .. EN Bunk and Bolt Bacana ... it also says they used to team together ..
CL: Well Jay what you have here are two minor league guys looking to make a name for themselves ... but Curly has them scouted and sorted, no sweat ... next?
An image of the large man known as Virus appears
CL: Ah .. this guy calls himself Virus ... and says he'll infect us all ..
JL: .. Well he certainly looks like something the plague failed to deal with .. he gonna be a problem for you?
CL: Nah .. I've beaten Bigger, fatter men ... once the Curly Clutch is locked in this man will go down like any number of desperate pop star hopefuls ..
Jay quickly brings up the next picture of Deamon and Jacola Cohln.
JL: Now these two look like a problem ... now don't tell me thats Deamon?
He points at Jacola
CL: .. Nope .. thats Jacola the kid brother ... Deamon uses him for protection ... although I'm not sure from what .. perhaps the creature under the bed or as some sort of sexual aid .. anyway they won't be any trouble ... and if they are I always have Big here to lend a hand ...
JL: ... looks like he could lend an entire battalion ... your man is huge .. how tall did you say he was backstage?
CL: .. He reaches around 7ft 3 inches ... go on Big, give them a display of what you can do ...
Mr. Big effortlessly lifts up the casting couch with Angelina, Brad and Curly on ... the audience applauses ... as he puts them back down
JL: AL'righty ... that was some feat of strength there ... now ontot he final entrant and curretn champion of the OX division ...
Next up is supposed to be a picture of Spaz .. but instead we get a picture of Flex Magnificent due to a technical fault
JL: This is Spaz! .. Jeez he looks as if he could crush a car with his bare hands ... and then pose fro ARENA magazine afterwards!
Curly has broken into a laugh
CL: .. hahaha .. No thats not Spaz ... in fact Flex would take what you said as an insult, I'd watch your back if your ever in Munich ... no this is a man to watch out for in the future of EWT ... this is Germany's own Flex Magnificent ... he's tough as granite and quite charming when he's not talking about himself ...
Jay pushes the button again and the real picture of Spaz appears the new Belt around his waist
JL: Now is this Spaz? .. well it must be look at that wonderful title! .. can we get a close up of that?
The camera zooms in on the title
CL: Yeah thats the only thing Spaz did of any note .. he got us a new belt after the last one was damaged ...
JL: So you think you can handle this guy ... c'mon give us some back story of why you can beat the man we know as Spaz?
CL: Well Jay it's simple .. I'm just the better wrestler .. I started off as a young midget kid working the road, son to a circus Strongman and a midget lady of the night ... I slowly learned the trade of power lifting ... and then moved on to amateur style midget greco-wrestling ... then one day met my pal Mr. Big here ... from there it was easy ... so by midnight on Sunday 8th, I'll be OX Division Champion and Spaz will be coming to me for tips on how to be a true superstar!
The fans applause with a few marks starting a light EWT chant
JL: Well Curly it was a pleasure to meet you ... I heard you can be rather racy and crude at times, but tonight you showed true class ...
CL: Thanks Jay ... It was great to meet you ... but that last comment was just not necessary! ... I'm never crude, just Nasty! ..
On that Curly jumps behind Brad Pitt clocks him with his cane and locks on the Curly Clutch! .. Angelina runs away as Curly starts shouting!
CL: Take my dream girl will you!! ... I'll crush your pretty boy neck like a twig ! ... Stealing the Achillies role from me!!! .... Curly looks at the camera ... See this SPAZ ... this is what you'll be getting this Sunday .. RAARRHHHGGH!!!
JL: SECURITY!!
The camera cuts out ... the last image of the show we see is Curly being prised off Brad Pitt, as Mr. Big throws Security men around the studio. Jay Leno has his head in his hands.
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Post by HMARK Center on Jan 6, 2006 21:54:02 GMT -5
<The Fallen Dragon logo faces the camera. As the camera pulls back, it's revealed as the back of HMark's jacket. HMark addresses the camera>
It would seem that many within the EWT have not learned from history. <grins>
You see, it seems that, everywhere I look, I see and hear the same stuff about me; "Oh, he's yesterday's news". "The old man can't cut it". "Who was he, anyway?"
That's ok, though. See, those who do not take the time to learn from history are not neccessarily doomed to repeat it, but are, inevitably, doomed to be destroyed by it.
I wasn't always as I am now. A long time ago, or at least it feels like that, I was just like many other EWT superstars; I wore street clothes to the ring, or simple ring gear. My "dark side", I suppose, is a mostly recent development. In the time before it, though, I wrestled every kind of match under the sun. I wrestled in casinos in Atlantic City...no, literally, Eddie Guerrero and I fought THROUGH an actual casino. Psychoapeguy and I fell from a balcony in a mall in New Jersey, crashing onto a sunglass pagoda. I've put on technical clinics with DSR, A-Bomb, D-Boy, and countless others.
Really, though, any of you, if you really wanted to, could go and look up all of that for yourselves. I hope to God you are; if you're not studying me, then you're not prepared for me. Tsk, tsk, students.
But let's put all of that aside. Here is the simple fact of the matter: you may look at me as yesterday's news. The truth is: I'm not very old. I've been around, that's true; but that's because I made the big leagues YEARS before the current EWT superstars. I hit the big time at an age where I should have been paying my dues, getting paid in gas money for tearing down a ring in a gymnasium and getting my ass beat by a bigger guy.
No, see, I went through that for a little while...but I refused to accept it as my reality. I worked, and I moved on; I enterted the WCF before I could've been out of college. And while it's been awhile since then...it hasn't been too long. Not at all.
So bring all you've got against the "old man". I defy you. Try to outrun me, try to out-fly me, try to out-manuever me; I swear to you, you will live to regret it. I told you before, my word is gospel, my actions are revelations; I am true to that word.
Bret Michaels, at the post per view, you and I will get to revisit our history. It may not be the most storied, but it's long, and it's had it's ups and downs. Regardless, the outcome will be much the same as it was in our days in WCF; I'll be walking out of the cage, while you stare at the lights. Harsh reality. And to whomever I encounter in the next cage; again, I defy you to underestimate me.
Because, if you do...then I will be HitmanMark: four time EWT World Champion.
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Deamon Cohln
Don Corleone
AND THAT'S THE GODDAMN TRUTH!
Posts: 1,962
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Jan 7, 2006 0:29:20 GMT -5
*The lights go out in the arena. Slipknot-Wait and Bleed hits and Jacola walks out of the stage. Deamon is with him and Jacola looks a bit down. Deamon is next to him trying to hype him up and get him hyped for his match. Jacola climbs in the ring and Deamon jumps up and holds to rope for him. Jacola climbs in and just stands there as the fans boo.
Announcer: Now entering the ring one half of the Cohln Brothers. JACOLA COHLN!
*Haku’s music rings over the PA system and he walks to the ring Deamon is still trying to hype Jacola up through slapping him lightly and patting his back. Deamon mouths “can you do this?” and Jacola nods his head. Deamon leaves the ring and stands by the corner.*
Announcer: And now entering, Haku!
*The bell rings*
Jacola snaps out of his funk and drives a clothesline straight to the chest of Haku. Deamon seems surprised at what is happening. Jacola picks up Haku and tosses him across the mat to the turnbuckle. He throws him so hard he bounces off the turnbuckle and lands on his face. Jacola moves over and begins to stomp on his back. He picks up Haku and hit’s a Side Slam! He goes for the pin…
1... 2... Kick out by Haku!
This further infuriates Jacola as he picks Haku up by the hair and throws him into the ropes. He bounces back and Jacola hit’s a modified version of the Black Hole Slam. Jacola lets out a roar and pick Haku up again! He lets Haku stumble around on his own before latching his hand around his neck. Jacola raises him and drops him with a gigantic crash back to the ring floor. Jacola cover Haku.
1... 2... 3! The bell rings!
Announcer: Here is your winner JACOLA COHLN!
*Deamon jumps into the ring and moves Jacola away from the bashed-up Haku. Jacola grabs the ref and tells him the grab a microphone. The ref leaves to ring and Deamon raises Jacolas arm. The ref returns and hands Jacola the mic. Deamon looks surprised as Jacola looks straight into the camera and yells.*
Jacola: SEVER! This is my time now! This is my time to shine! You can stay away from the EWT! I deseved this! All you’ve done was get scre… *Deamon grabs Jacola and pulls him out of the ring as Jacola’s music plays. As they leave the camera fades out.*
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Jan 7, 2006 0:56:41 GMT -5
*Earlier today on Good Morning Arizona…*
TARA HITCHCOK: Well, that was a great breakfast cooked up by our chef guest. What did he call it again?
SCOTT PASMORE: It was just a blueberry pancake, Tara.
TARA: Really. I never heard of it. He must have some kind of four star reataurant for such a fancy food.
*Pasmore and Dan Davis just stare at Tara, who’s smiling too big to the camera. Scott just shakes his head and gets ready to introduce the next guest.*
SCOTT: Anyway, we have a very special guest with us this morning. In two days the Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation is holding a PPV known as House Party II. With us today is a participant in the Survival Cage main event, one half of the EWT Tag Team champions, and Master of Elemental Disaster, Mike Ragnal!
*Mike Ragnal walks on, Tag Team title in hand, and sits down in the guest chair.*
SCOTT: Welcome, Mr. Ragnal.
MIKE: Thanks. Just a little tired is all. I’m not a morning person, really.
TARA: Oh, I know how that is.
SCOTT: No you don’t. You’re always so giddy in the morning.
TARA: Oh, so morning person means-
SCOTT: Yeah. You enjoy it.
DAN: Anyway, so Mike, you came all the way out from Pennsylvania for this show?
MIKE: Yeah, that’s right. I don’t understand it, really. But I guess Arizona’s a change of pace weather wise. I mean, it’s kinda hot out here, don’t you think?
SCOTT: You get used to it. So tell us, you’re going into this Survival Cage as one half of the Tag Team champions. How do you think that’ll affect you?
MIKE: Well, I doubt it’ll boost my ego much. I mean, a lot of people are double champions while holding the tag titles. Chris Benoit, Batista, and Eddie Guerrero.
SCOTT: Yeah, we all know about Eddie’s untimely death. How did that affect you some?
MIKE: *short pause* Um, it was a shock. No pun intended, but it was a surprise to anybody in the wrestling community and all the wrestling fans world wide. But it helped me to be strong, and to fight harder for what I believed. And anybody who disrespected him, like that ESPN Radio guy, is just talking out their asses.
SCOTT: Good to hear. So, it also looks like you and your family have gotten involved with an up and coming faction known as the Connection. How did this happen?
MIKE: I’m not much for talking about this, but you probably already know. Chrysta came into EWT a few months back, and at Season’s Beatings revealed she was Linda’s sister, because the both of them were born from a different mother than me or Joe. Chrysta’s mother was thrown out of our house, so Chrysta has apparently sided with the Connection so that she can get the Ragnal name back into her life. But that’s never going to happen. Because Chrysta doesn’t have the tru heart of a Ragnal. She has no heart, more specifically.
SCOTT: So let’s move on to Survival Cage. What is this exactly?
MIKE: Well, I haven’t seen the structure itself yet, but from what I understand, there’s five cages in an X shape under an even bigger cage. Two combatants go into a different cage, the fourth being allowed to go for weapons and stuff, and the fifth one in the center restricted until half the combatants are gone. From there, the remaining three have to fight to get the EWT Heavyweight title from the top of the dome.
SCOTT: Now, it’s a known fact that your first section of the match, the first cage, is against Moxie, the EWT Heavyweight champion. What were your thoughts when you first heard this?
MIKE: Nothing more than “Oh, s***, I’m screwd!”
*The guys have a hearty laugh.*
TARA: I don’t get it.
ALL:…
MIKE: …Riiiiiiiiiight then…
DAN: So can you tell us anything about your opponents for Sunday?
MIKE: Well, there really isn’t much for me to say that I haven’t already said, but I’ll try to go nice, if I can.
*Laughs around*
MIKE: Well, I’ll start off with Billy Ubermark. While I don’t like the fact he beat me once and his style of looking to get laid, I have to say he’s a damn good wrestler, and definitely worthy of holding the belt. Limey, after all the jobbing he’s done, and all the skill he’s shown, is definitely title worthy. Moxie, who has already done so much as Tri-State champ and EWT Heavyweight champ, deserves some sort of retaining. Bret Michaels…I can’t say I’m too sure about him. Ever since I came to EWT, I’ve seen him primarily in tag matches. Not to say I don’t count his feud with Gas, but it’s hard to be getting off the tracks as a tag person when you want to try and be a singles competitor. Finally, there’s HitmanMark. The one guy I heard so much of,but never got to see much of in action. Considering his history, a possible winner in the match.
SCOTT: Well, thank you Mike. We hope you win your match on Sunday.
ALL: And THAT’S the Shocking Truth!
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Jan 7, 2006 1:18:50 GMT -5
("Look At This Face" plays over the PA and the crowd begins to boo automatic. Ultimo walks out from the back wearing the white tiger striped tights from before and a pair of sunglasses but he's all by himself. He walks down to the ring all cocky but he's not smiling. He enters the ring and looks around at the booing fans before taking the mic.)
UC: "Go ahead and say it so we can get it over with."
Crowd: "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
UC: "Good. Let's continue. You may be wondering why my partner and my manager aren't out here to support me during my match tonight. It seems that they think it's more important for Billy to stategize for the Survival Cage whatchamacallit than to cheer me on vs Gravy Bowl Smith. Hello! The Handsome Boy Modeling School is two guys! Not just Billy! What the *BEEP!* am I, chopped liver?"
Crowd: "YES!"
UC: "Ha *BEEP!*ing ha. I can admit that Billy deserves to be involved in the match. He's the biggest star in that whole operation. But don't you think that the both of us in that match would be pure *BEEP!*ing dynamite? We would clean house on all those coffin stuffers leaving us as the final two, then we would put on a clinic. The best one on one match in the history of the EWT. I would win of course but that's just how it is."
Crowd: "YEAH, RIGHT!"
UC: "All right! Fine! You guys wanna see why I deserved to be in that match? Bring out Gravy Bowl, that Whoopi Goldberg lookin' wanna be mutha *BEEP!*ah!"
(Davey Boy Smith's music plays and he walks out in full on early 90's ultra mega braid phase. He gets into the ring and is immediately stepped up to by UC. Both men are in each other's faces and talking smack. The referee separates the two and the bell rings.
The two men circle each other and lock up. UC tries to back Smith up but he gets nowhere. DBS throws UC down to the mat. UC pops back up and sneers at Smith. They circle and lock up again. UC goes for a hip toss but Smith doesn't budge. He tries again but Smith reverses into a hip toss of his own. UC lands on his caboose again and pops back up, uttering an obscenity. For the third time they tie up but before they collide UC thumbs DBS in the eye. DBS recoils and UC lights into him with a series of punches. He sends DBS into the ropes and blasts him right in the mush with a pin point dropkick. DBS hits the deck and UC stands up, gloating to the crowd. He picks DBS up and tries for a suplex. DBS blocks and UC tries again but DBS blocks again. Then DBS lifts UC up and gives him a suplex to think about before he drops him on his back. UC arcs his back and staggers up. DBS is right there to knock him back down with a big clothesline. When UC gets up he's knocked back down again. DBS picks up UC and gives him a series of head butts then sends him into the ropes for a back body drop. DBS gives a thumbs up to the cheers of the crowd as UC has to use the ropes to stand up. DBS charges but UC is there for a super kick in the stomach. He follows with another super kick to the face and DBS goes down. UC picks DBS up and throws him face first to the outside. UC looks around at the crowd expecting some cheers but doesn't get any. He grimaces then runs the ropes and dives over, blasting DBS with the Cannonball Run.
On the outside UC is up and talking smack with the fans as DBS lays on his back sucking wind. UC stomps on DBS a couple times to keep him down. He then climbs up the guardrail and moonsaults off landing right on DBS's chest. UC slides under the ropes and poses to the booing crowd. DBS slowly works his way up to the ring apron as UC points and makes fun of him. DBS rolls into the ring and UC pounces on him, laying a series of punches into the side of his head. UC picks DBS up and hits the ropes. He bounces back and blasts DBS with a spinning heel kick to the snoot. UC covers but only gets two. UC grabs DBS in a side headlock and bulldogs him (no pun intended) in the center of the ring. UC steps over DBS's back and grabs a big handful of braids. He then sits right on DBS's back in a camel clutch position and pulls back on DBS's hair. DBS arcs back and screams out in pain. The ref can't decide whether to ask if DBS wants to tap or make UC break the hold. Finally after a minute or so the ref tells UC to break and hold. UC does by throwing DBS's face to the mat. UC rolls him over and climbs to the top rope. He leaps off with a guillotine legdrop that lands right across DBS's neck. UC hooks the leg and goes for a pin. The ref counts one, two, thr.....guess again! DBS kicks out! UC looks surprised and gets up in the ref's grill about a slow count. UC picks DBS up and puts him in a front face lock, setting him up for the Sugar Fix. Before he can execute DBS runs forward and crushes UC in the corner. UC doubles over as DBS uses the break to get work up some steam. UC runs out but catches a back elbow to the chin. New paragraph.
DBS has the momentum back and starts punching UC in the noggin. DBS scoops him up and slams him down, followed by a big elbow drop. UC grabs his sternum....cuz it hurts. DBS throws UC into the turnbuckles and charges him, catching him with a big clothesline. He then picks UC up and gorilla presses him, does a couple of repetitions just to rub it in, and throws him down to the mat. DBS signals it's time for the end and scoops UC up on his shoulder. DBS starts running for the power slam but UC slides behind him sending DBS crashing into the turnbuckles. He staggers out and UC locks in a side full nelson. UC winds back and throws DBS down with a huge Squid Face. UC goes for the pin. One...two......
Michael Cole: "We're going to take you now to what happened earlier tonight. Billy Ubermark, one of the six competitors for the Survival Cage this Sunday, came out to the ring and serenaded the crowd with a song."
Taz: "You know, Billy has some brass ones. He told all those guys that they have no chance to win, all to the tune of Gilligan's Island! He's nuts!"
(Up on the screen it replays Billy's promo from earlier. When the video is over the camera goes to UC in the ring, standing in the ring and looking at the Toomi tron super pissed. UC just picked up the win but got cut off. UC sneers and storms out of the ring, screaming and yelling all the way.)
UC: (I can't print it. There's children watching.)
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Post by Chrysta on Jan 7, 2006 1:46:24 GMT -5
*Molly Holly’s music plays as Molly, Bob, and Crash Holly enter the arena. Afterwards, Senzafine plays and Chrysta and Ms. White enter and head down to the ring.*
Chrysta: Ms. Holly, you truly believe standing behind this family of yours is going to help you? I doubt it will do much against my own family.
*The lights go out, and Ich Will plays. The lights come back on and the Connection beats up the Hollys in the ring with their finishers. All five members of the Connection hold out their arms in prayer.*
Kendo: This is the Ice Queen’s new family, so to speak. Soon, it will be ‘Dear Linda’’s only family. And she, just as her sister is, shall soon help us in spreading our word.
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Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
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Post by Limey on Jan 7, 2006 5:16:17 GMT -5
*"Going Under" hits. The crowd rises to their feet as Linda Ragnal comes out. She is accompanied by Tanya Flaire, and appears much more solemn than usual. Still, that doesn't stop her from acknowledging the large amount of cheers she receives.*
Chimel: The following contest, scheduled for one-fall, is for the GND Division CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger! From Scranton, Pennsylvania...being accompanied to the ring by Tanya Flaire...the Ocean's beauty, LINDA RAGNAL!!!
*The crowd give Linda a huge pop as she gets into the ring, observing the crowd with a stressed look on her face. Tanya gets into the ring, and comforts her, telling her it'll be "alright". Linda nods at this, sighs, and gets ready for the match.*
*"She's Got Issues" hits, and the crowd once again rise to their feet. Carla O Woe, the GND Division Championship displayed proudly on her shoulder, is out. She raises the horns proudly to a huge pop.*
Chimel: Aaaaaand her opponent, from Rochester, New Hampshire, she is the CURRENT...REIGNING...aaaaand DEFENDING GND Division Champion...Carla O Woe!!!!
*Carla walks to the ring, and climbs the apron, holding the GND Division title with pride. She then gets in, and hands the title to Chimel, as she and Linda approach each other. The bell sounds, and the match is underway.*
*Carla starts by extending her hand. Linda accepts, and the two hold the handshake ROH-style. Linda and Carla then get into a lock-up. Carla comes out on top with an armwrench, but Linda counters with a headspring, and a trip to the leg! Linda then attempts a somersault leg drop, but Carla rolls out of the way, catching Linda on the way up with a hurricanrana....Linda counters by lifting Carla up, trying a powerbomb...Carla grabs Linda for a tornado DDT...Linda throws Carla off!!! Carla goes flying to the mat, and Linda wastes no time in running straight at Carla, now downed by the surprising move...Carla hits a monkey flip to Linda...Linda lands on her feet, and keeps running the ropes!!! Carla rolls to her front as Linda continues to run the ropes, before Carla gets to her feet again! Carla does a leapfrog manouever as Linda ducks underneath her, bouncing off the ropes one more time and running at Carla again! Carla quickly turns, and rolls to her right as Linda does the same! Both women get to one knee, and face each other in a stand-off!!! The crowd pop madly for this display of chain-wrestling!!!*
Crowd: (Chanting) GND!!! GND!!! GND!!! GND!!!
*Linda extends her hand, and Carla takes it, before attempting a spinning heel kick! Linda ducks this, and follows up by running the ropes again, catching Carla as she gets to her feet with a hurricanrana, hooking the leg for the pin!*
1, 2...
*Carla hooks Linda's arms with her legs, bringing Linda down for a pin of her own!!*
1, 2...
*Linda rolls backwards to her feet, and hits the still-seated Carla with a front dropkick!! Linda gets to her knees, and yells out "YEAH!!!" to a great crowd response, and a round of applause by Tanya on the outside, before running the ropes, and hiting a senton to Carla! Linda then twists Carla's arm into an armbar, before pulling her leg back and holding her knee to Carla's back in a modified Bow and Arrow lock!! Carla tries to force herself out of the hold, but Linda locks in the hold tight, giving Carla no chance to escape!! Carla uses her free leg and arm to drag herself to the ropes...Carla reaches the ropes!!! Linda releases the hold, before dragging Carla back to the centre of the ring, and grabbing Carla's arm again...Carla counters with a laying kick to Linda's head!!! Linda turns her back to Carla, rubbing her head in pain, as Carla handsprings up, and stalks Linda, waiting for Linda to face her! Linda does so, and Carla hits a dropsault!! Carla goes for the pin!*
1, 2...
*And Linda kicks out! Carla shrugs this off, and lifts Linda up to her feet...Linda counters this with an elbow to the head of Carla!! Linda then wastes no time, and hits an Irish whip to Carla, sending her to the turnbuckle!! Linda the runs straight at Carla, and hits her from the turnbuckle with a running enziguri!!!! Carla flips over herself, and lands on her back near the turnbuckle!!! Linda points to the turnbuckle, signaling for the Downpour, and the crowd goes nuts! Linda climbs the turnbuckle...*
*IT'S MISS WHITE!!! MISS WHITE FROM THE CONNECTION HAS HIT LINDA WITH A TONFA!!! Linda falls off and crashes down on the mat! Tanya Flaire sees this, and angrily chases Miss White around the ring...Tanya gets kicked in the gut by HOLLY VAUGHN!!! Holly signals to Miss White, who pushes the top half of the ring steps off, giving Holly the advantage to lift up Tanya Flaire for a FINAL CONNECTION on the ring steps!!!*
*The crowd boos the representatives of the Connection mercilessly as they take no heed. Back in the ring, Carla, dazed, observes Linda on the mat, and looks around confused. Outside the ring, Miss White screams at her to finish the match! Carla, looks down at Linda, who is perfectly in line for an Eye Candy...and she climbs the turnbuckle!! Carla climbs the turnbuckle before leaping off...with a flying crossbody onto Miss White!!! She does *NOT* want to win that way!!!! Carla hits some furious rights to Miss White before staring down Holly Vaughn, who is observing her passively. Holly slowly backs away, not taking her eyes off Carla. The two women display fighting words to each other as Miss White rolls around in pain!*
Holly: It is...shameful that you do not accept our gift...
Carla: "Gift"? That what you call it? You broke the code!!!
Holly: We are...above your "code". We do not have time to deal with you...however...
*Tanya Flaire, on her knees and in so much pain, pushes Holly straight into Carla, who hits an STO to Holly!!!! The crowd cheer as Carla stares at the downed Holly. Carla thanks Tanya, before rolling back into the ring. Linda is recovering quite well, and she thanks Carla. Carla nods appreciatively, and the two decide to continue the match to a huge pop!*
*Carla and Linda do the ROH-standard handshake a final time, before circling each other. Carla runs at Linda to be hit with an armdrag from Linda, with Linda keeping the hold applied for a Fujiwara armbar! Carla does a handspring up, and trips the leg of Linda, making Lind release the hold! Carla tries a senton, but Linda tucks in her legs, prompting Carla to land on Linda's knees, clutch her back in agony, and then land on the mat.*
*Linda picks up Carla once more, and then pushes her to the ropes! The two women grapple at the ropes, each one trying to gain control...Linda hits a chop to Carla, making her drop her guard! Linda then hits an Irish whip to Carla. As Carla bounces off the ropes, Linda tries a clothesline...Carla ducks, and then runs the ropes to run at Linda...Linda hits a reverse calf kick to Carla!!! With Carla down, Linda drags her to the turnbuckle, and signals once more for the Downpour!! The crowd cheer as Linda climbs the turnbuckle and leaps off with the DOWNPOUR...CARLA TUCKS HER KNEES IN!!! Linda clutches her stomach in pain, but Carla, more relieved than anything else, remains on the mat. Linda, quickly recovering, approaches Carla...Carla hits a laying drop toe hold to Linda before grabbing her ankles and rising to her feet! Linda tries to fight back, but Carla locks in the DEVIL LOCK!!! DEVIL LOCK APPLIED!!!!*
*Linda, stunned at being caught in the hold, tries desperately to escape! She crawls to the nearest rope, but Carla drags her right back to the centre of the ring!! Linda puts up a valiant battle, crawling once again to the ropes, but Carla drags her back...Linda tries and tries to break the hold, but Carla is adamant!! As the tension reaches it's high point...Linda taps!!!
Winner by Submission, and STILL GND Division Champion: Carla O Woe!!
*Post-match, Carla releases the hold, and helps Linda to her feet. Linda is in so much pain and disappointment, but she reluctantly extends her hand to Carla. Carla accepts, and the two give each other a brief hug. Tanya Flaire gets into the ring, and all three women raise each other's hand in their own miniature victory. Chimel hands Carla her GND Championship, and Carla takes it, not taking her eyes off Linda. The two stare at each other with respect, and Linda, through pain and disappointment, smiles at Carla, and indicates to the title. Carla smiles back, and then leaves the ring. The crowd cheer both women, and applaud this new-found code of the GND Division.*
*Fade to Commercial.*
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Post by pta on Jan 7, 2006 8:43:19 GMT -5
The Can Am Connection theme starts up and Rick Martel and Tom Zenk start heading out to the ring. They get a decent nostalgia pop.
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Approaching the ring, at a combined weight of 466 pounds, The Can-Am Connection!
Rick and Tom quickly enter the ring and wave to the crowd, awaiting their opponents.
Soon Pomp and Circumstance starts up and principal Pain and Canceler head out towards the ring.
Announcer: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 750 pounds, representing the P.T.A, The Canceler and Principal Pain!
Principal Pain has a microphone with him as the crowd boos... Canceler glaring menacingly at their opponents in the ring.
pain: Well well well... this is an interesting opponent... the Can-Am Connection... I suppose that stands for Canadian American. It doesn't really matter though. No combination of nationalities can even fathom being in the same ring as myself and Canceler here. You fools are just wasting your time... so I suggest you both calmly... exit the ring. Because you two don't deserve a match with us.
Pain hops into the ring, about to rip off his suit when Rick Martel charges forward and nails a dropkick to him, knocking him off the apron and into Canceler's arms... wearing a half torn suit now! Pain looks a bit shocked,. He quickly hops out of Canceler's arms and slides into the ring, wasting no timer, locking up with Santana... going behind for a hammerlock and applying pressure... Rick groaning in Pain. Pain is obviously not happy.
He continues to apply more and more pressure, finally breaking the hold. He smirks as Rick holds his now sore arm, then gets laid into with some stiff chops from Pain, sending him reeling backwards. He eventually backs into the worst place possible... the P.T.A. corner. Pain tags in Canceler. He then lifts up Rick for a a german as Canceler runs forward with the STO... both connecting as Rick groans and falls to the mat. Canceler covers. 1....2....
But Zenk runs in and breaks it up with a quick stomp. Canceler slowly rises up... Zenk looking a bit regretful now... as he's grabbed by the neck and dumped right out of the ring to the outside. The crowd boos as he does so.. Meanwhile, Rick stumbles to his feet, only to get taken back down by a Yakuza kick from Canceler. He immediately tags Pain back in.
Pain vaults over the ropes and runs in, then locking in a Fujiwara Armbar on Martel... who yelps loudly in agonizing pain, the Principal applying more and more pressure to his arm. Rick of course is close to the ropes and tries to grab them, but Canceler stops that by pulling the bottom rope away with his foot! The crowd boos even more and Martel continues trying to grab the rope... but to no avail.
Eventually Zenk gets back to his feet, noticing Canceler's foot and yanks down on it. Canceler turns around... releasing the rope allowing to Martel to grab it. 1...2...3....4.... Pain just barely makes it in time... of course on purpose. Meanwhile, Zenk is trying to take it to Canceler... with some fists to his... well his bellybutton. Canceler laughs and simply shoves him down.
Zenk groans and gets back to his feet, heading back to his corner. In the ring Pain grabs Martel and lifts him up for an overhead belly to belly. He goes flying, hitting the mat hard. Pain smirks, then charges forward with a leg drop to his still sore arm. Rick groans again, rolling around a bit. Pain looks at Canceler and walks over again, tagging him back. As Martel tries to tag Zenk, he gets lifted up high by Canceler from behind... then lifted up for a possible chokeslam. However... Zenk makes a blind tag!
He climbs up top... then leaps off... for a missile dropkick, connecting with Canceler's face! Canceler groans and drops Martel, who leaps up with another dropkick, this time to Canceler's knee. He groans and kneels a bit. Zenk and Martel then charges forward for a double clothesline and somehow knock Canceler down! The crowd pops massively as Zenk goes for a cover. 1...2....
Canceler doesn't just power out... he almost sends Zenk into orbit! He hits the mat hard as Canceler rises up, shaking off the cobwebs and leaping up high with a legdrop to Zenk's neck, he rolls out of the way though just in time. Canceler growls... a bit sore now. He rises back up... walking over to tag out when Zenk leaps up with an enziguri, Canceler catches his foot... of course only to get hit by the enziguri.
Again... no effect whatsoever. Canceler grabs him by the chest and hoists him high and back down for a massive slam to the mat. He walks back over and tags Pain in. The principal runs into the ring and takes advantage... stomping at the spine and chest of Zenk... who groans a bit as it becomes more sore.
He gets lifted up to his feet... Pain going for a chop, but Zenk ducks under! Pain looks a bit surprised, turning around, only to be whipped into the ropes, then coming back for a hip toss! Pain groans as Zenk tags in Martel. The two lift Pain up and goes for a double suplex to him... and it connects! Martel goes for a cover! 1....2...
But Pain gets the shoulder up. Martel looks a bit frustrated now. He lifts Pain back to his feet, then goes for a neckbreaker, but gets grabbed at the last second... for the Satisfactory Suplex Series! First the german... then into the Dragon... and Finally the Tiger. He locks the bridge in. 1...2....
But no! Zenk breaks it up. Pain looks up, just in time. He breaks the bridge, Canceler charging into the ring. He then obliterates Zenk with a hell of a clothesline, sending him down hard! Zenk quickly rolls out of the ring... as Pain signals for the end... Canceler grabbing Martel after lifting up... Pain backing up... the Martel beign pushed forward as Pain connects with the flying clothesline for the Hickory Stick! The crowd boos again.
Pain goes for a cover again. 1...2.....
No! Somehow Martel gets the strength to kick out! Pain can't believe it either. He tugs on his hair in frustration, then grabs Martel for another armbar submission... but Martel rolls out of it... then leaps up with a dropkick to Pain! He goes down hard. Canceler charges forward, but Martel hits a drop toe hold, sending Canceler's skull into Pain's... Apples.
Pain yelps and holds his area in roaring Pain, bouncing around on the mat. Martel, not really expecting that goes up top onto the turnbuckle. He then leaps off with the elbow drop... but Pain... out of pure instinct gets the knees up. Martel groans as Pain slowly gets to his feet, looking at an also rising Canceler with an angry look.
Canceler looks back at Pain... a bit well... scared. Suddenly, Zenk enters the ring from behind, going for a dropkick from behind, but Canceler somehow stands his ground after it. Zenk looks a bit surprised and groans. Meanwhile, Martel gets hoisted up for the Orange Crush Pin and slams Martel down... but breaks the pin. He signals for their newest finishing move... Canceler climbing atop the turnbuckle, after hoisting Zenk on his shoulders! He then falls off with the Super ISD for a move they call... Total Failure. The two go for another one foot each pin. 1....2....
3!!! This one's over.
Announcer: Here are your winners... Principal Pain and The Canceler!!!
Pain smirks and pokes the knocked out pair with his boot. He looks at Canceler and the two quickly exit the ring.
Fade to commercial.
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Post by Virus aka Captain No-Nuts on Jan 7, 2006 13:46:53 GMT -5
(The logo of The View fades onto the screen as we come back from commercial. After a few seconds, it fades to the set of The View, where Joy Behar is talking.)
Joy Behar: Cars aren't designed for women. I mean, the steering wheels should have two bumps in 'em! We bring our own airbags, right girls?
(There is a general murmur of assent from the audience and other hosts before Meredith Vieira speaks up.)
Meredith: Alright, moving on, our first guest is a superstar of the EWT, and he's here to promote his company's next pay-per-view. He's a great athlete, he's got a title shot, he's not all that bad-looking, and ladies, he's single!
(A series of cat-calls and whistles and whoops rises up from the audience, followed by a smattering of laughter.)
Meredith: So, without further ado, the man they call VIRUS!
(Heaven's a Lie is piped into the broadcast as Virus comes out onto the set wearing a suit that makes him look rather like a giant red bell pepper. He bows to the audience, which is politely applauding him, then shakes hands with each of the hosts before sitting down.)
Meredith: Alright, so first off, a little about you. First off, what's your real name? I could hardly think people run around calling you "Virus" all the time.
Virus: When the cameras are off, they don't. However, Toom's a little restrictive on letting the fans know our real names, so if I said my real name on air I'd be looking for a job quicker then you could say "breach of contract!"
Meredith: By Toom, you mean...
Virus: Yeah. Toom E Dangerously, EWT's owner. It probably isn't wise to get him pissed off at me two days before my first title shot.
Meredith: (laughing) No, it probably isn't.
(The other hosts are chatting amongst each other, and while Virus is curious as to why they don't have any particular questions for him, he shrugs it off as Meredith launches into her next question.)
Meredith: Speaking of your first title shot, it'll take place this Sunday at EWT's next pay-per-view event, Toomi's House Party II. Can you explain the name for us?
Virus: Well, it's basically named that way because it falls near Toom E.'s birthday every year. This will be the second year we've done it, hence the "II".
(Virus glances over at the other hosts, who are still chatting amongst themselves.)
Meredith: One more question, then we've got a bit of a game for you to play, alright?
Virus: Sounds like a plan.
Meredith: Your match is called a 6-man Gauntlet match. Want to explain the rules to us?
Virus: Sure. Basically, a Gauntlet match is when two people start out against each other in the ring. As one loses, normally by being pinned or made to submit, another one comes in to take their place, until we've gone down the entire list of competitors, in this case, 6. So, while the order hasn't been decided as far as I know, the person who comes in last has a distinct advantage over someone who comes in, say, 3rd.
Meredith: It sure sounds like it. Good luck this Sunday, it sounds like you'll need it!
Virus: Thanks, I appreciate it. (Virus's smile and happiness seem forced now, as he's obviously wondering why the other hosts are being so disrespectful while he and Meredith are talking.)
Meredith: Alright, ladies, it's time for our game! (The other ladies finally stop talking and pay attention to Meredith.) We'll show 5 clips, in this case of Virus's opponents in the Gauntlet Match this Sunday, and we'll go around and say our first thoughts as they come to mind, starting with Virus and ending with me. Sound good? .... Alright.
(A video clip of EN Bunk's finer moments appears, ending with a view of Virus's massive backdrop off the edge of the cage in their final match.)
Virus: Ah. EN Bunk. First off, with the intensity and danger of that last move, I should point out to the parents in the audience with wrestling fans that you should NOT let them try this kind of stuff at home. If it isn't done properly it can be lethal. As for the man himself, he's actually one of the only people I'm not worried about, because I've beaten him already.
Star Jones Reynolds: He's pretty good looking! (There is a peal of laughter from everybody present except Virus, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else in the world right now.)
Joy Behar: Ahh, you took mine! Not to mention he looks like a pretty good athlete to boot.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck: Yeah, he's a pretty good athlete, alright. I should know, because my brother-in-law, Matt, plays for...
(Virus perks up as he remembers Elisabeth's last name.)
Virus: The Seattle Seahawks, right? I'm a big Seahawks fan.
Elisabeth: Right. Go 'Hawks! (Virus and Elisabeth laugh and air high-five.)
Meredith: Let's not forget about your husband, Tim, Elisabeth. He's the backup QB for the New York Giants, who play this Saturday against the Carolina Panthers!
Elisabeth: Yeah, but unfortunately I don't think Eli's going to give up that starting spot any time soon.
Virus: Right.
(Another clip plays, this time of Bolt Bacana's highlights.
Virus: Bolt... I haven't seen too much of him yet, so I'll just pass it along here.
Star: Another looker! Are all the guys you have in the EWT complete hunks?
(Virus sighs and shakes his head.)
Joy: I still like that Bunk guy better.
Elisabeth: Same.
Meredith: Ah, we have a clear favorite so far, I guess!
(Another peal of laughter, as Virus slips lower in his chair, wondering how the hell he got himself into this mess. Virus perks back up just in time for Curly Long's video to start playing. It's a never-before-seen clip of him making sexually-suggestive motions towards Juggsy McWhatsherboobs! Juggsy tries to look scandalized, but merely squints as she walks off, and Curly starts laughing as the clip fades off.)
Virus: Uh.... (Virus tries to say something, but keeps bursting into laughter at the disgusted looks on the co-hosts' faces.)
Star: Is that a... midget?
Joy: Did he just... no, he didn't.
Elisabeth: How demoralizing! That poor, poor woman!
Meredith: Mind explaining what we're seeing here, Virus?
(Virus is trying to calm himself down, but failing, as he wipes a few tears from his eyes.)
Virus: Oh man, I didn't think they'd show that clip here... oh lord... anyway, that's Curly Long, former EWT General Manager and a VLB. That's Curly's standard MO right there.
Elisabeth: What's VLB stand for?
Virus: A Vile Little Bas....
Meredith: Oooookkk, I think we get the idea. Next clip please!
(A short clip of Deamon bossing around Sum Guy plays.)
Virus: Deamon is a bit of a jerk. But he's a big softie at heart, if this clip is to be believed... Roll it!
(A clip of the Lifetime show plays.)
*VIRUS*: I still feel so bad that we stomped on his feelings like that. We should get him something to help cheer him up.
*JACOLA*: How about some flowers for in his appartment.
*DEAMON*: Carnations! They'll go good in his kitchen.
(Back to the set of The VieW...)
Virus: Deamon revealed to me after we shot that scene that he loved carnations, then seemed to realize what he was saying and backpedaled faster then Lance Armstrong trying to go up a hill backwards.
Star: He's a bully, plain and simple! That interviewer probably lives in fear of the next time he has to interview him!
(There's a general murmur of assent as the last clip plays. Of course, it's of current EWT OX division champion Spaz.)
Virus: Now, Spaz is a worthy competitor, and also one of the only people I think I'll have a problem with Sunday. Otherwise...
(Virus is cut off by all four of the women beginning to fawn over Spaz. Annoyed, Virus finally disconnects his microphone and walks offstage for a second. The camera doesn't follow him, but it doesn't need to, as he comes back onstage with a covered platter in hand. He reactivates his microphone and clears his throat, at which the hosts turn to face him.)
Virus (bitterly): Anybody like cheesecake?
(Virus uncovers the platter to reveal a large, excellent-looking cheesecake. He dumps it on the table in the center of the set, and after a second's pause, all four hosts converge on it in a ravenous feeding frenzy. Virus looks at the four with a bit of amusement before turning to the camera.)
Virus: If you're interested in seeing the 6-Man Gauntlet match, contact your local pay-per-view provider and ask for EWT Toomi's House Party II. This Sunday, only on Pay-Per-View!
(Virus walks off to the left, but the camera stays on the still-feeding hosts. Joy Behar pauses in her feast for a moment and knocks Star Jones out before shoveling more cake into her mouth like a human garbage disposal. And on that, the scene fades into black.)
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