No Rest For Wicked ppv

[Toom E. Guci]

* No Rest For the Wicked opens with balloons falling from the ceiling & pyros shooting off at the entranceway. In the entranceway is a concert set up as everybody wonders what the hell kind of set up that is.*

Announcer: Ladies & gentlemen, give it up for the Bloodhound Gang!!

* Jimmy Pop & the crew rush the stage to get things started: *



Bloodhounds shall cruise rendezvous
Break curfew new trip ensues
You never know
Bloodhounds just go
Pack backpack up for down the road
No change of clothes but change for tolls
Pack of No-Doz Rolos and Skoal
Old Milwaukee Jolt black coffee
Sugar Daddy Rand McNally
A pack of Jacks those orange Tic-Tacs
Glen Miller tracks roll of Kodak
The phantom black stacked Pontiac
Hot rod dual quads and in the back
Is the beat keeper big ass speaker
Jumbo woofer rumble tweeter
Dial is turned and there it's stayin'
The next day where Stern is playin'

You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood
You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none

You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood
You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none

Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

I-95 eight lanes wide
Midnight drive take a ride
Alongside east coast tide
Getting high so am I
Bloodshot red eyes from the fumes
I consume engine zoom then engine boom
Then engine glow erupt and blow
And overflow like volcano
So far to go but can't turn back though
Cheap tobacco cup of black Joe
Fuelin' my body jumpstartin' my soul
Set my mind on cruise control

You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood
You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none

You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood
You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none

Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

Two four seven truck stop plaza
Turn off headlights turn on hazards
3:00 A.M. is when I gazed
Eyes glazed I'm dazed and then I fade
To black now we're back
"On The Road" like Kerouac
Down the turnpike high rate of speed
"Up All Night" like Gilbert Gottfried

You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood
You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none

You got your Jesus on the dashboard but the Devil's under my hood
You're takin' it down to legal I'm pullin' it up to no good
God is your co-pilot I let Satan ride shotgun
You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none

Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel
Get up you're asleep at the wheel

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: This is the opening contest & is a Handicapped Match scheduled for one fall.

Pomp and Circumstance starts to play as The Canceler and Principal Pain approach the ring, Pain in his usual suit and Canceler in his singlet.

Introducing first... at a combined weight of 750 pounds, representing the P.T.A., The Canceler and Principal Pain!!!

Pain and Canceler glare and taunt the crowd as they soon reach the ring, sliding inside. Pain then unceremoniously rips his suit off again, showing off his physique. He signals for a microphone and is given one.

Pain: Paul Podanski... Tonight you will FINALLY succumb to the might and power... of the P.T.A. You will no longer INSULT AND RIDICULE us, you will CEASE your incessant assaults on us, and most importantly, we will see that you NEVER wrestle again!

The crowd boos Pain and Canceler loudly, him looking at them all angrily.

Suddenly, Paul's nameless entrance theme hits the ToomiTron and he quickly runs out to the ring, he's carrying a pool stick in one hand and a bottle of alcohol in the other. Slowly, he points the cue at Pain, then sprints towards the ring.

Announcer: And their opponent... weighing in at 312 pounds, Paul Podanski...

Before the announcer can finish, Paul slides and smashes the cue over Pain's head, snapping it in half as the bell rings. Taking an early advantage, he goes down and begins pummeling Pain with punches to the face. Pain desperately tries to get out of his position, finally grabbing Paul's arm as he goes for a punch.

Pain quickly begins to apply an armbar submission on Paul, trying to do some early damage to him, but Paul is not letting him go anywhere and smacks him on the back of the head to break the hold. Pain holds his back a bit as he struggles to his feet. As he does, he's met with some stiff shots to the face by Paul.

Pain continues to get pummeled to the crowd's delight; suddenly Paul grabs him and lifts him up for a powerslam to the mat, into the cover. 1...2.... but Pain gets the shoulder up. Groaning a bit, the principal is lifted back up as Paul resumes taking some more stiff shots at him, but Pain ducks underneath one and goes for a sudden DDT, taking Paul to the mat. Pain quickly tags in the Canceler.

Canceler walks over to Paul and lifts him up by the neck with one hand, with little difficulty. Then he kicks him a kick to the gut, putting him in powerbomb position as Canceler lifts him up and slams him down into the mat for the cover. 1....2....

But Paul kicks out. Canceler growls a bit as he lifts him back up, then whips him into the turnbuckle in his corner of the ring, Paul's head bouncing off of it and falling to the ground. It seems Pain removed the padding while the referee wasn't looking. Paul groans as Canceler begins stomping at him with his huge feet.

Soon, Canceler tags pain back in as Paul gets back to his feet. The two then double-team him with a tandem suplex to the mat, after which Pain goes for another cover. 1....2.... but again Paul gets the shoulder up! Pain glares and goes down to the mat to do more damage to Paul's arm, locking in another armbar and trying to break his arm off. Paul groans and struggles to the ropes, but Pain keeps him from getting anywhere near them.

Paul seems to be finished as he's in the middle of the ring with nowhere to go. Pain keeps the armbar submission locked in, trying to break his arm still, but somehow Paul manages to roll out of the submission and reverse it into one of his own.

Pain yells in agony as now his arm is being worked over. But swiftly, the Canceler runs into the ring and breaks up the submission with a leg drop to Paul's neck, of course the referee runs over and gets Canceler back onto the apron.

Now Pain and Paul are both hurt a bit, slowly the referee begins to count them both out, 1...2....3....4....5...6...7...8... Paul and Pain each get to their feet. Immediately Pain goes for a tag, but Paul grabs him from behind, locking in a full nelson. He immediately lifts him up and slams him to the mat hard. Then runs over to Canceler and gives him a Yakuza Kick, knocking him off the apron and to the mat. Paul then signals for the Appalachian Mountain Splash, climbing onto the second rope and leaping off, but at the last moment, Pain rolls out of the way and Paul hits the mat hard.

Pain groans and struggles over, getting an arm draped over Paul for the cover. 1....2.... no! Paul gets the shoulder up right before the three count. Pain angrily begins tugging at his hair in frustration. Quickly he rises back to his feet and signals for the end, the Suspender.

Quickly lifting Paul back up to his feet, Pain hoists him up for the orange crush pin, but before he can slam him down, Pain begins punching at Pain, causing him to topple down to the mat, Paul sitting on his chest. Another cover... 1....2.... but this time Canceler breaks up the pin.

Paul looks at the huge man and runs, bouncing off the ropes, then leaping forward and taking Canceler out and over the ropes with an amazing flying clothesline to the neck. Paul hits the mat hard, but quickly gets to his feet, but Pain isn't in the ring anymore. Paul looks a bit confused.

Suddenly, Pain slides into the ring, unbeknownst to Paul or the referee, holding a textbook. Immediately, he clocks him in the back of the head with it, sending Paul down to the mat hard. He looks at Canceler on the outside, who gets back into the ring, lifting Paul up for the Expulsion. Pain quickly climbing atop the turnbuckle, then leaping off again, grabbing Paul's neck and bringing him down with a mid-air DDT. He goes for another cover...1....2....

3! The match is over, though due to a controversial victory.

Announcer: Here are your winners... The P...T...A!!!

Pain and Canceler don't stop there though. Canceler quickly lifts up Paul to his feet, holding him still as Pain grabs the textbook again and runs forward, smashing Paul in the face and busting him wide open. He opens the book and out falls a brick... the crowd booing. Pain cockily tosses the book, smacking Paul in the face.

Immediately he and the Canceler exit the ring.

[Toom E. Guci]

[Ring Announcer] The next match is scheduled for one fall. It is a grudge match. Introducing first the Special Guest Referee.

JR: I wonder who it is.

[Ring Announcer] This is BOTCHBERG!

Crowd: Botchberg Botchberg Botchberg!!!

JR: Listen to this ovation. Here he comes da man! Welcome Home Botchberg we missed you!

[Ring Announcer] Introducing next Bared Wire Harry.

*Huge POP*

Harry walks down to the ring with a cart full of weapons. Botchberg jumps down from the ring and destroys the cart. He shouts "You two are gonna settle this like men i n the ring.

[Ring Announcer] and his opponent Curtrok!

Curtrok walks down the ramp with pyro falling from the rafters. He slides into the ring and stretches out in the far corner.

Botchberg checks both workers for weapons and the bell sounds.

Harry and Curtrok lock up. Curtrok takes down Harry with an arm drag. Harry back up to his feet goes for a clothesline and misses. Curtrok answers with some fists and Irish whips Harry into the ropes. Curtrok goes down to the matt Harry goes over Curtrok off the ropes and connects with a shoulder block.

Harry follows up with some stiff boots to the head. He scoops up Curtrok down with the slam, an elbow to the face and a cover! 1...2 Curtrok gets the shoulder up. Harry connects with a head butt followed with a short arm clothesline. Harry goes for another cover, curtrok kicks out after one.

Harry shoots Curtrok into the ropes and connects with a power slam. He covers curtrok. 1...2....and just barely Curtrok kicks out. Curtrok quickly roll out of the ring to regroup.

Botchberg starts the ten count.

JR: I wasn't sure coming into this if Botchberg could call this down the middle and he is doing just that.

Harry follows Curtrok out and slams his face into the ring post busting Curtrok wide open. Harry slides Curtrok back into the ring. Harry follows and is rolled up with an inside cradle. 1............2...........Harry kicks out.

JR: Botchberg is calling this thing right down the middle like he said he would.

Harry connects with a clothesline. Harry helps Curtrok back up to his feet and eats a European upper cut. Harry is staggered and is smashed with a vertical drop kick.

Curtrok hits Harry with a leg drop. Curtrok starts to taunt Harry then turns his back on him. Harry begins to work to his feet slowly bang! Curtrok hits Harry with a chop block to the knee. Curtrok drives his elbow into the inside of the Harry's knee.

Curtrok gets back up and watches Harry struggle his feet only to drop kick him in the knee cap.

Curtrok slides out of the ring and and drags Harry over to the ring post. He wraps Harry's leg around the ring post.

Botchberg jumps out of the ring and slides Curtrok back in.

Curtrok shoves Botchberg, Botchberg delivers a shoulder block and knocks Curtrok on his ass.

Harry covers Curtrok 1.........2..........curtrok kicks out. Curtrok gets back up to his feet and gets right in Botchberg’s face the two exchange words. Harry attacks Curtrok from behind with a barrage of punches and kicks. Harry kicks Curtrok in the stomach and delivers a sit down power bomb.

Harry picks Curtrok up and delivers a second Power Bomb.

Harry delivers the SLICER! Harry covers curtrok 1..................2...........

JR: What the hell is he doing here?

WDD runs into the ring and delivers a kick to Harry's head.

WDD picks up Harry SPEAR! Botchberg spears Harry. Harry clutches his ribs. Curtrok beginning to stir now has Botchberg picks up Harry BOTCHHAMMER!!!!!!

Curtrok back to his feet slaps on the Texas cloverleaf. Harry begins to scream in pain but won't tap out. Botchberg signals for the bell anyway.

Curtrok releases the hold. Botchberg picks up Harry and sits him on the top turnbuckle. Botchberg goes up with Harry. SUPER BOTCH HAMMER.

JR: That Harry is one tough son of a pregnant dog three people beat on him and he wouldn't tap out. This is vile. Why Botchberg why.

Curtrok demands the microphone.

CR: WDD, Botchberg, and Curtrok you are looking at the EWT triple threat. You idiots on the Internet had no idea. You fans in this arena with your Botchberg signs and your t-shirts have no idea what you are witnessing.

WWD: History you're watching history right here.

CR: That's right this is the night that Toomi, you lose control! This is the night that whole locker room, this Threaderation the whole world of wrestling gets knocked on its ass. Three of the biggest superstars working as one cohesive destructive unit and there is nothing, nothing you can do about. Do you have anything to say Botch?

BB: Yes I have one question for all of you in the back. WHO’S NEXT! BLEARG!!!!

JR: Bah gawd what will happen is anyone in the EWT safe?

[Ride the Lightning hits and WDD runs down to the ring. He stares at the cage for a bit, and then enters through the door. Next, Fight for Your Life hits and Theo Rumm walks down to the ring, high fiving people in the crowd. Theo also stops and looks at the cage, and then climbs in as well. The ref shuts the door

WDD and Theo stare at each other for a few seconds. WDD finally dashes at Theo and clotheslines him. WDD hops over Theo's body, then baseball slides into his midsection, and Theo rolls over, clutching his stomach. WDD brings Theo up to his feet, and then rams his face into the cage. WDD then turns him around and sends him into the other side of the cage. Theo goes down, clutching his face. WDD poses down for a second, but gets low blowed by Theo from behind. WDD falls down to his knees, his eyes wide, screaming in pain. Theo then dropkicks WDD in the back of the head, and WDD collapses to the mat cradling his head. Theo helps WDD up, and then gives him a reverse neckbreaker. The ref begins the count, 1, 2, 3, but WDD gets up, only to get taken down by a missile dropkick off the top rope. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! WDD gets up, and Theo goes for the clothesline, but WDD ducks it. Theo goes on the rebound, but WDD gives him a spine buster. Theo staggers up at two. Theo and WDD lock up, and WDD knees him Kevin Nash style. Theo doubles over, and WDD gives him a piledriver. 1! 2! 3! 4! WDD brings Theo up and gives him a reversed DDT. WDD stands over Theo's body and laughs and gives him a standing moonsault, but Theo puts his knees up. Now both men are down. Theo gets up first, followed shortly by WDD. They both get into a slugfest, with Theo getting the advantage, forcing WDD up to the cage walls. Theo grabs WDD's head and begins slamming the back of his head into the cage. After a few whacks, he turns WDD around and sends him face first into the cage. WDD goes limp and collapses. 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! Finally WDD staggers to his feet, only to get a running enziguri. Theo poses for the crowd. Suddenly, Andy comes out from the back and walks up aside the ring. Theo begins shouting at Andy to get out, but is then slammed into the cage by WDD, who had just gotten up. WDD is bleeding badly. Andy looks around outside the ring and grabs a chair and tosses it into the cage. Theo gets up and runs at WDD going for a clothesline, but WDD turns around a cracks the chair over his head. Theo crumples to the ground. 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! The ref continues counting when WDD turns around, but finds that the Billion Dollar Corporation, who had jumped out from the crowd, had jumped Andy and had begun a beatdown (at this time Theo is staggering up at 9, Theo is busted open from the chair shot). WDD is still watching the BDC when Les looks up and smiles, pointing behind WDD. WDD turns around slowly and gets super kicked by Theo, kicking the chair right into the head of WDD. 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10!!!

Winner via KO: Theo Rumm

Theo celebrates for a while, poses for the crowd, then slips a check to Les, who smirks and leaves. The ref opens the cage door and Theo climbs out. Shortly afterwards, WDD gets up and staggers to the entrance. As soon as he's out, he begins pounding his fists on the cage walls, and then begins lambasting Andy before finally leaving.

[Toom E. Guci]

(A small break is planned for between the matches, so the crowd gets ready to grab some refreshments. However, before they can leave, "Moving On Up" by M People starts playing. Fans boo as, down to the ring, comes Curly Long, accompanied by his "associate" Mr. Big. As Curly makes his way down the aisle, he flips off the fans on one side of him who are holding a sign that reads "The SMALLER They Are, The Harder They Fall!" Mr. Big helps Curly into the ring where he takes a microphone from the ring announcer and begins to address the crowd.)

*CURLY LONG*: I've got a little something to say to that big-mouthed pile of crap, Billy Ubermark. Hey Billy! If you're wondering why you’re still a VIRGIN, I must tell ya.... part of the reason is because ya don't have any BALLS to begin with!

(The crowd gives a mocking "OOOOOH" as Curly continues his rant, unphased by their reaction.)

*CURLY LONG*: You DO have a lot of nerve, though! I made you a legitimate offer for that medallion-thing you're wearing! Around your neck, it looks like a piece of crap! But around my neck... well... that'd just add to the massive pimp image I've already got going! And trust me, that isn't the ONLY thing on me that's MASSIVE about me! Just ask the ladies, Billy!.... Or can you even do that? Huh Billy?

(Curly's voice takes on more of a chiding tone.)

*CURLY LONG*: Maybe the other part of the reason you're still a virgin is because you're too scared to talk to women. MAYBE its because the thought of actually being able to speak with a woman just freaks the hell out of ya! Or MAYBE its because you don't like women at all! MAYBE its because you're batting for the other team, if you catch my drift! I mean, why else would someone go by the name of "Billy"! That's got "homo" written all over it!

(Curly laughs as the crowd continues to mock and boo him.)

*CURLY LONG*: Whatever the case, Billy, I just got done talking to the Commissioner, and he just signed off on SPECIAL a match for tonight between YOU and ME! But don't worry... its not for your Tri-State Championship! I don't give a rat's ass about that thing! What I want is that medallion! I figure if you ain't gonna sell it to me, I'll just take it from ya.... and beat your punk, virgin ass around this ring in the process. So whatta ya say, Billy? Have you got the BALLS? Or am I right about you?

(No sooner has Curly stopped speaking than "Like A Virgin" by Madonna starts playing over the loudspeaker. The crowd actually gives a cheer as Billy Ubermark emerges from the back with a pissed-off look on his face. He's got his yellow-and-green wrestling tights on, as well as the Tri-State Championship Belt. Around his neck is the gold medallion Billy bought to ward off Maelstrom. Billy makes his way to the ring with a microphone in his hand and steps through the ropes. He hangs the Tri-State Title in the corner, and then hands the ref the Medallion. Then he puts the mic to his mouth and starts talking.)

*BILLY UBERMARK*: You half-pint piece of... Aw screw it!

(Already angry, Billy throws the mic down and rushes at Curly long. The ref calls for the bell, and the match gets under way.)

(Curly quickly steps out of the way as Billy dives at him. As Billy lies on the ground, Curly delivers a quick kick to Billy's hip. Billy lets out a yelp, and then stares at Curly with rage in his eyes. The crowd starts laughing as Billy gets off the canvas and starts chasing Curly around the ring. Billy finally traps Curly in a corner, but Curly crawls between Billy's legs. Billy turns around to find Curly, but Curly quickly starts biting Billy ankle. Billy hollers and starts trying to kick Curly off, which he eventually does. Curly rolls backwards onto the mat, but gets up and immediately rushes up and punches Billy in the groin. Billy gets wide-eyes and staggers around the ring a little bit as he clutches at his manhood.)

(Again the crowd fills with laughter at what they're witnessing.)

(Curly goes behind Billy and tries to roll him up into some kind of a School Boy. Billy simply rolls with it, however and ends up on his feet. He immediately goes for and connects with a dropkick to Curly's face. Curly goes flying backwards and ends up on his back in the middle of the ring. Billy gets up and rushes at the fallen Curly, nailing him with a Rolling Thunder and lighting up the crowd with cheers.)

(Seeing his boss in trouble, Mr. Big gets on the apron and starts trying to get into the ring. Billy sees him, and rushes to the corner. He jumps onto the second turnbuckle and delivers a Jericho-like dropkick to Mr. Big, knocking the big man off the apron and onto the arena floor. Billy then planchas over the top rope and lands on Mr. Big with a diving splash.)

(While Billy is dealing with Mr. Big, Curly Long gets off the mat, heads over to the corner of the ring, and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Billy slides into the ring as Curly reaches the top. Curly launches himself off, trying for a Double Axe-Handle. Billy catches him in mid-air.... LITERALLY..... with a bear hug. Billy holds a struggling Curly long for a couple seconds before turning the move into a bodyslam and slamming Curly to the canvas. Curly is clearly dazed as he lies on the floor. Billy quickly runs over to the corner and climbs to the top turnbuckle. The crowd actually cheers for him as he flips Curly the bird one time before launching himself off and connecting with a Five-Star Frog Splash on Curly. Billy goes for a cover.)

1.....2.....3!

(The bell rings as Billy Ubermark gets the pin. Billy gets off the canvas and raises his hand in victory.)

*ANNOUNCER*: Here is your winner.... Billy "THE VIRGIN" Ubermark!!!

(Mr. Big gets in the ring and helps Curly out as the ref hands Billy his medallion. No sooner has Billy been given the medallion, than "Apocalypse Please" by Muse starts blaring over the loudspeaker! The crowd erupts with cheers as Maelstrom makes his way to the ring. Billy looks shocked and fumbles with his medallion as he tries to put it on. Maelstrom reaches the ring and steps through the ropes. Billy finally gets the medallion on, and quickly settles down. He goes over to the corner of the ring and gets a microphone from the ring announcer, and then starts to taunt Maelstrom.

*BILLY UBERMARK*: HA! You see this thing around my neck, Maelstrom! This is to keep you away from me! You see, Chowder Brain, as long as I'm wearing this, you can't hurt me! That's right! In fact, this thing will make you WEAKER! Yeah! WEAKER! Now your ass is going to be in a WORLD of trouble!

(Maelstrom walks up to Billy, and Billy shoves the medallion in his face in a taunting gesture. Maelstrom grabs the medallion and rips it off of Billy's neck. Billy is startled and simply stares at Maelstrom with panic in his eyes. Maelstrom kicks Billy in the stomach, doubling him over. Maelstrom then grabs him, lifts him up, and hits him with the Whirlpool!)

(Billy is left lying in a heap on the canvas. The crowd goes bezerk for Maelstrom who walks over to Billy's corner and grabs the E.W.T. Tri-State Championship that's still hanging there. He holds it up to the fans for a second before casually dropping it on Billy's chest. Maelstrom then steps out of the ring, and makes his way back up the ramp while the ref checks on Billy.)

[Toom E. Guci]

The camera is back focused on the crowd making it's way inside the ring to Howard Finkel

Gorilla Monsoon: Finally Jess, the time has come. Limey will get his revenge against that inhuman piece of garbage Flex Magnificent!!

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Monsoon, I think you've got it all wrong. Limey is a wreck. Flex has the match in his pocket. Plus Limey had it coming to him. That sour lime is about to get twisted into oblivion by his magnificence!

GM: We'll see about that, Jess!

The bell rings for our next contest. The camera is now on Howard Finkel.

Howard Finkel: This next contest in scheduled for one fall with a 30-minute tiiiime limit.

Lights & camera are now on Flex's choir by the entranceway busting into "Hallelujah!" as the procession of showgirls parade out. Flex Magnificent walks out with his stunning white rhinestone cape & continues to walk as his glasses cases carrying his most prized awards follow behing him.

HF: Making his way down the aisle hailing from Nuremberg Germany. Weighing in at..............

As Flex stops to admire the audience his glass cases domino effect him from behind as Limey makes a sneak attack pushing all the cases behind him. Flex falls to the concrete & is pinned to the floor by a broken case carrying his Scammy Award. Limey picks him up & throws him into the rail ripping off his cape & pummeling him with vicious lefts & rights. Limey proceeds to pick up Flex's Scammy & lays it deep into his face repeatedly leaving him instantly with a mask of crimson.

Limey then walks over to one of Flex's broken cases carrying the gold medals & lifts it up & over dropping it right on the back of Flex Magnificent. The case topples over & Limey reaches in to grab the gold medals stolen from Kurt Angle. He takes both medals & wraps it around Flex head depositing the medal portion into Flex's mouth as he drags Flex over to the ring. Flex is a bloody mess holding onto his mouth with the medals stuffed inside kicking away at the air.

As soon as Limey makes it to the ring apron he throws Flex into the ring as the referee calls for the bell to begin the match. Limey slides in & lifts up Flex balancing him by leaning him up against the ropes, holding him there with lethal lefts & rights. Limey whips him into the ropes for a flying lariat. Flex hits the floor as Limey lifts him back up to connect with an STO. He lifts him back up for another & then another!

Flex at this point is a lifeless mass covered in his own blood. Limey drags him over to the ropes & makes Flex bite the ropes as he bounces off the opposing side & dropkicks Flex to the back of the head making Flex choke on the rope.

The ref tries to repromand Limey as Limey hits the ref with a stiff throat punch laying him legitamitely out. Without any sort of hesitation Limey sintches in the Lime Disease pulling on it as hard as he can. Flex is barely moving his hands to tap out, but the referee is out for the count.

GM: Limey is moments away from a win, but the ref is knocked into next week! Someone send another ref out on the double!

JV: I can't believe this, Monsooooon!!!! He totally pearl harbored Flex Magnificent & has cheated the entire time before the bell & after the bell. Someone should stop this match & have that limey bastard deported back to that fog infested swampland called "Great" Britain!

Limey is laying it on thick until a voice is heard over the PA...

Mystery Female Voice: LIMEY HELP!!!

Limey instinctually knows the voice & releases the hold looking all around him to see where that radiant voice is emanating from.

Mystery Female Voice: LIMEY!!!

Out of nowhere from the curtain pops up Carla with an obvious marks, scars, bruises, & broken leg limping with "The Doctor of Muscletology" Dr. Frederic Delavier grabbing a hold of her arm shaking her out to the aisle. He has the mic in hand as Carla struggles to walk

Dr. Frederic Delavier: Listen you British b*****d, I have your one & only waste of humanity right here!!! If you want her in one piece.... or at least half a piece you better back the F*** off!!!

Limey's heart is totally broken at the site of Carla's condition. Being that he is filled with emotion & finally reunited with Carla he complies with Delavier's demands & backs off.

Delavier slowly approaches the ring stairs & walks up with Carla in hand. Limey is in tears at the site of Carla's condition & backs off for her safety. Delavier gets in & now drags Carla in who scream in pain due to her broken leg.

Dr. D: You want her big boy! YOU CAN HAVE HER!

Delavier throws down Carla as Limey springs to her aid. As Limey consoles Carla & holds her in his arms he attends to awakening Flex & hands him a 30 lb. barbell plate from under the ring. Flex charges at the unknowing Limey & sidelines him into next week busting him wide-open leaving Limey dangling on the bottom rope. He kicks Carla directly in the face & throws Limey into the center of the ring applying The Flex Capacitor to its capacity. Delavier slaps around the ref & throws him over to Flex & Limey & immediate rings the bell in favor of Flex.

HF: The winner of this match as a result of submission.......FLEX MAAAAAAGNIFICENT!!!!!!!!!!

The crowd erupts in boos as "Hallelujah" blares through the PA while the hand of Flex Magnificent is held triumphantly in the air

GM: YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! THIS IS A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE!

JV: Turnabout is fair play, Monsoon. As they say.....All is fair in love & war. Hahahahahaha!!!! Not only that but we get an interview with the victor right now! Let's go to the back with a newcomer by the name of Dusty Rhodes!

Delavier holds up the extremely bloody & dazed Flex Magnificent as they exit the ring & continue down the aisle. The final shot is of Carla holding an unconscious Limey in her arms.
The camera is now focused on Dusty Rhodes in the back decked out in a black suit with sunglasses & a black Stetson

Dusty Rhodes:Whattaheinousmos'disbicableactindahistoryofdissportbaybay?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Disturnofeventsissodastardlyitcouldmakeababycry?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Disfiendovaminhasjusabowtswollenmyeyesan'shutmyjawsIamsospeechless?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Ican'tbelievewhatIjustsawthiswillgodownininfamybaybay?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!
*Flex & Delavier enter the interview area. Flex is soaked in his own blood & is starting to swell in the face from the punishment taken early in the bout*
FlexMagnificentyouaredamos'vilecompetitortoevergracedisring!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Whyindegreenhelldidyoudowutyoujusdid??!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Howcouldyoudisgracedissportwealllovewuttdahiilllisgointhroughyomind?!?!?

Flex grabs the mic from Dusty who continues to babble on regardless. Flex looks deep into the camera

Flex Magnificent: LIMEY!!!! YOU WANTED DIS!!!! YOU CALLED ME OUT!!!! YOU RIDICULED ME!!!!!! YOU PUSHED ME DO MY LIMITS!!!!!! AND YOU GOT EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED FO!!!!!!!!!!! Do not say dat I yam not a man of my word. I said I am de best rustler! I said I yam da most magkneeficent competitor do grace dis ring! And I delivered!!!!! And as fo little miss broken legs......If you dare get in my ring again it will be far worse den you can imagine. Let dis be a final warning. Flex Magkneeficent is da god send!!!! Flex Magkneeficent is da genetic supaman!!! And Flex Magkneeficent is going to be da next Wurl Tag Team Champions!!!!!

Flex snarls into the camera & poses one last time with the ferocity of a man overdosed on an unidentified muscle enhancement drug. Veins are surfacing in droves as Flex & Delavier exit the interview area.

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: This next contest is the Body Bag Match. The object of this match is to get your opponent into the Body Bag & seal it shut for the victory. Making his way to the ring first is our guest referee. Here is Joe Ragnal.

* Joe makes his way to the ring carrying the body bag. Joe places the body bag on a table set up at ringside & climbs into the ring.*

Announcer: And here are the opponents. Making his way to the ring first, here is Mike Ragnal. His opponent is the one & only psychoapeguy.

* Both men climb into the ring. Joe signals checks both men accordingly & then signals for the bell. Ape looks at Mike in disgust & looks in disgust. Mike charges at ape, but ape sidesteps. Mike & ape lock up as ape starts throwing punches. Joe breaks them up & warns ape not to throw punches. Both men lock up again as Mike starts to throw punches. Joe picks up a piece of trash that was thrown into the ring as this is going on. Mike grabs ape & hip tosses. Mike drops an elbow on him. Mike then grabs ape & throws him into the ropes, nailing a takedown clothesline. Mike starts laying the boots to ape & then yanks ape up by the hair. Ape escapes & nails a knee to Mike’s midsection. Ape grabs Mike & throws him over the top rope. Ape climbs onto the apron, where he runs the apron & jumps off with an elbow onto Mike on the outside. Ape scoops up Mike & runs him backfirst into the ring post. Joe climbs out of the ring & warns ape again. Ape retaliates by grabbing Joe & throwing him into the barricade. Ape then runs at Mike & nails a knee to the face as Mike is sitting up against the ring post. Ape starts looking around under the ring for something. Joe nails ape from behind.*

Joe: Looking for this?

* Joe stands over a prone ape while holding the barbed wire baseball bat. Joe helps Mike to his feet & hands him the bat. Mike takes the barbed wire bat & starts raking it across ape’s face, ripping his forehead open. Mike then climbs up on the apron as Joe grabs ape & holds him up. Mike jumps off the apron & nails the bat on ape’s head. Joe releases ape as Mike grabs him & places him on the table with the body bag. Joe uses the baseball bat & starts choking ape as Mike climbs to the top rope. Mike looks down at ape & smiles, leaping off the ropes & nailing a High Voltage, sending ape crashing through the table. Mike grabs ape & throws him into the ring & Joe grabs the body bag, sliding into the ring as well. Mike snags a chair from outside the ring, where he places the chair on ape’s ankle. Mike climbs to the second rope & jumps on the chair with all his might. Mike then scoops up ape & bodyslams him onto the chair. Joe climbs to the top rope & leaps off with a Cloud breaker. Mike is spreading out the body bag & grabs ape, where he rolls an unconscious ape into the body bag. Mike zips up the body bag as Joe signals for the bell. Mike runs the ropes & hits a Lionsault onto the body bag. Mike moves out of the way as Joe does the same. Joe rolls out of the ring & grabs 2 more steel chairs. Mike sets ape sitting up in one of the chairs as both Ragnals grab a chair. Both Ragnals pulls back & nail a Conchairto to an unconscious ape, as his body crumbles to the ring floor. Joe raises Mikes hand, declaring him the winner as Mike points down at an unconscious ape & yells:*

Mike: NOW THAT’S THE SHOCKING TRUTH!!

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: This next match has no disqualification, no count out, no holds barred. The only way to win is to bury your opponent. It's time for the buried alive match!

Step Up by Drowning Pool hits and Merc walk out carrying a sledgehammer and a chain. He looks over at the dirt mound and the six-foot grave and drops the sledgehammer, wrapping the chain around his wrist. While he makes his way down to the ring, the camera focuses on the grave, where nearby a huge bulldozer is holding up what looks to be dirt and some other stuff..If someone where to pull the lever it would all be over for the guy in the grave. The camera refocuses to Merc, who taunts with the chain and then back to the stage as Bleed the Freak by Alice in Chains accompanies Jz out, and he is carrying that dented black steel chair. Merc slides out of the ring and they meet close to the ring, and Jz hits Merc with the chair. Merc retaliates with a steel chair to the face. Jz throws Merc into the guardrail, and Merc tackles him into the other side.

Jz grabs Merc by the head and slams his face into the guardrail; Merc kicks Jz in stomach and does the same. They now just stare each other down; the rage can be seen in both of their eyes. Merc strikes first this time by kicking Jz in the ribs and throwing him into the steel steps. Jz picks the steps that he knocked over up and hits the charging Merc in the face. He falls to the floor holding his face, a trickle of blood coming down. He stands right back up and Jz hip tosses him onto the bottom part of the steps. He then gets on his knees and pulls a table from under the ring. Merc is back up standing on the barricade, Jz turns around and Merc takes his head off with a clothesline.

Merc now picks Jz back up and DDTs him onto the steps. Merc sets the table up and Jz stands to his feet, blood now running down his face. He turns around and sends a fist into Merc's wound, opening it farther. Merc does the same. They exchange punches until Jz elbows Merc in the jaw and throws him face first into the pole. Jz wipes some blood off of his face and goes to pick up Merc, who picks up a glass beer bottle and busts it over Jz's head. He stumbles after the blow and rolls into the ring. Merc climbs the apron into the ring. Jz stands back up and Merc throws him into the right turnbuckle close to the set up table. Merc punches Jz in the ribs and sets him up on the second buckle. Jz punches Merc in the forehead and splatters blood. Jz pulls Merc up to the top turnbuckle by his hair and they are now both standing on the top, barely able to balance. Merc gets the upperhand again with a punch. They exchange punches again until they lose balance and both fall off of the turnbuckle through the table!

Merc and Jz are both down, but not for long as they both get to their feet. Merc grabs Jz for a suplex to the floor. He then picks his enemy up, and hits a powerslam onto the railing! Jz falls over the other side. Merc comes over to the side of the ring and slides out a chair, table, what looks like lighter fluid, thumbtacks, and a loosely wrapped barbed wire baseball bat. He fiddles with the bat and takes the barbed wire off. Jz grabs the table from the space under the guardrail and slides it to the other side. Merc has the barbed wire in his hands, and Jz picks up a chair. He stands up and Merc walks over to his only to get a chair shot to the face. Merc stands idle, and Jz tries to grab the wire, but Merc regains his composure and wraps it around his face. Jz screams in pain, and Merc grabs the steel chair...blood is everywhere when Merc sends the chair into the barbed wire wrapped face of Jz.

Merc now takes the thumbtacks and watches them scatter all over the mat. Jz now sets up the table on the other side of the guardrail and grabs Merc by the hair, smashing his face into the railing. He hops over and hits Merc with a German suplex to the floor. Jz takes the lighter fluid and sprays the table and a few fans with it. The fans are pushed back by security, but allot of them can't be stopped from standing close to the table that Jz sets on fire! Merc takes Jz by the head and smashes his face into the apron, the barbed wire going farther in, and slides him into the ring. Merc climbs onto the apron and Jz grabs him with a suplex to the inside onto all the thumbtacks. Merc rolls around in pain, and Jz climbs to the top rope. Merc lies in the midst of thumbtacks, and dodges an elbow drop, which sends Jz onto the tacks as well.

Merc now picks Jz up and knees him in the face. He then delivers a devastating stiff piledriver onto the thumbtacks! The mat is stained with blood, and Merc slams Jz's head onto the thumbtacks a few times before picking him up. He takes Jz by the head and throws him over the top rope, trying to send him through the table but he falls short and instead goes headfirst into the side of the guardrail. Jz pulls himself up as Merc runs from one side of the ring to the other, diving over the top rope trying to hit Jz, but he overshoots and hits the flaming table headfirst!!

A few fans were set on fire, but Merc doesn't stop as he crawls to his feet!! Jz jumps onto the guardrail and tries to hit a hurricanarama, but Merc powerbombs him hard on the floor. Merc collapses to his knees and blood just pours down his face onto his already stained clothes. Jz is unwrapping the barbed wire from his face and putting it on his fist. He stands up and Merc looks up from his knees, Jz throws a few barbed wire wrapped fists into his crimson mask. Jz picks him up and throws him back first into the railing. Jz then clears the fans out so he can get a running start, but Merc catches him and hits an overhead belly-to-belly suplex, and Jz hits the steel steps! Merc climbs over the railing and stomps Jz in the ribs, picking him up and throwing him over to the guardrail on the side of the entrance ramp. Merc picks up a piece of the non-flaming broken table on his way there.

Merc stabs Jz in the head with the piece of table and tries to DDT him onto the ramp, but Jz reverses it into a northern lights suplex! Jz uses the railing to get back to his feet and hits a leg drop, blood gushes out of Merc’s mouth. Jz picks his chair up, and grabs Merc by the hair, dragging him up the ramp. At the top, Merc hits a low blow and picks Jz's chair up, crashing it over his own head. Merc then smashes the chair over his face while he's down. Jz rolls to the side a little bit, and we're pretty close to the grave. Merc picks him up and body slams him onto the floor, which is now dirt because of the grave. Merc then walks over to the tombstone and takes it out of the ground.

Jz sees Merc carrying the tombstone in front of his face, and he rises up with a super kick that smashes the tombstone into Merc's face, which sends him into the grave. Jz and Merc are both seemingly out, and from the back comes Trish! She pulls Merc from the grave and helps him to his feet. The maniac looks at Trish in confusion, but focuses his attention on Jz who tries to spear him, but Merc moves and Jz trips into the grave, hitting his head on the tombstone. Trish is talking to Merc while he picks up Jz's black steel chair and throws it into the grave. Merc picks up the sledgehammer he dropped earlier and walks over to the grave. He looks down to see Jz still out, and then turns to talk to Trish. We can't hear what their saying, but all of the sudden Jz comes out of the grave with his steel chair. Trish screams and Merc turns around with a huge sledgehammer shot to the face, which no doubt breaks Jz's nose and possibly kills him. After the shot he sways back and forth looking at Merc and Trish before falling backwards into the grave. Merc throws the hammer down and walks over to the bulldozer.

No wait! Jz is standing up, looking at Merc in the bulldozer. The Mercenary stares at Jz, and with one final pull of the lever sends dirt...and what the hell is that! Dirt, pieces of cement, bricks and other object come down on the standing Jz, who falls under the weight of it all. Merc gets out of the machine and looks at the grave, which is oddly not filled all the way, but Jz is buried. The bell rings and Merc raises his hand, but not to celebrate..A cement mixer is being backed up from behind the bulldozer! He gives the signal and the cement pours down, filling the rest of the grave. Jz has been buried for good!!!!

Trish looks at Merc and hugs him, and Merc looks happy again. The cement mixer door opens and someone runs from it and tackles Trish to the ground! That's Mistress Mia!!! Merc watches as she pounds the hell out of his love interest. Merc then pulls her off and looks angry. He helps Trish to his feet, and gets a sick smile again. Trish looks helpless, and Merc slaps her across the face and throws her into Mia, who picks her up and hits her with a stiff brain buster! Trish lays on the entrance ramp, not moving. The paramedics rush to her side as Merc and Mia hold each others hands up in the air to Step Up by Drowning Pool.

*Merc wipes the blood from his forehead, and looks down at the dirt mound that he just buried
Jz under, and shakes his head. Merc turns towards the fans who are all on their feet in awe
of what maybe the ending of a long feud, and as Merc acknowledges the fans Jz some how manages
to get out of the grave. The fans start yelling at Merc to turn around as JZ grabs a chair, and
is about to strike Merc when Trish grabs the chair from JZ. JZ, and Trish start to argue, and JZ shoves
Trish down, and approaches her slowly, but unknown to JZ is that Merc has turned around, and grabbed
a sledgehammer. JZ continues to stalk Trish up to the grave, and with Merc following. As Jz, and Trish reach the top
Merc taps Jz on the shoulder, and the minute JZ turns around Merc clobbers JZ in the head with the hammer.
Jz falls back wards, and back into the grave. Merc quickly runs over to the cement truck that is parked by the grave, and
pulls the lever on the truck dumping cement, and bricks on top of the grave to make sure Jz never sees the light of day again.

Merc climbs down from the pile, and stares at Trish who is now in the ring. Merc slowly starts walking towards the ring, and Trish
has a worried look on her face, but Merc smiles, and starts running towards the ring. Trish than smiles, and as Merc hits the ring the
two embrace in a hug, and the fans start cheering, and some are even crying, but before the celebration gets in full bloom
Mistress Mia runs down the aisle, and attacks Trish, and the two ladies start to roll around on the apron as Merc looks on. Merc than pulls
Mia off Trish, and backs her into a corner yelling at her, and as Trish gets up she points, and laughs at Mia. Merc turns and looks at look at Trish,
and Trish's face turns to shock, as she knows that grin that Merc is wearing on his face. Trish turns to run, but is grabbed by Merc who short arm clotheslines her knocking her to the mat in a heap. Merc turns and looks at Mia and yells.*

Merc: I meant to do that......Mia This b**** is all yours!

*Mia than jumps on Trish, and starts hitting Trish in the head with closed fists, and as Mia is doing this Merc slides out of the ring, and reaches under the ring ,and pulls out a table. Mia then gives Trish a stiff pile driver. Merc than sets up a table, and picks up a limp Trish off the mat, and gets her set up for a power bomb though the table. Mia stops Merc while he has Trish in mid air, and Mia pulls a lighter, and lighter fluid out of her pants, and lights the table on fire. Merc than Slams Trish though the table! Merc has that sick grin as the crowd is in shock at what they just seen. Merc walks over to Mia, and kisses her. Mia proceeds to spit on Trish as Merc now has the Mic, and the EMT are helping Trish out.*

Merc: Trish you caused this. Any love I had for you is gone. The only person that showed they even cared for me is Mia. She showed me the right path to take, and that was away from you, and your schemes to hold me back. So Trish I bid you farewell. I hope you enjoy that hospital room.

[Toom E. Guci]

*Merc than holds open the ropes for Mia, and leave towards the back but are interrupted by Toomi Bischoff. *

TB: Merc, Mia…that was downright disgusting what you just did. Disgusting….but I liked it.

*Bischoff extends his hand to Merc but Merc hesitates. *

TB: Look, I understand your hesitation due to our differences in the past. Because you impressed me Merc. You impressed me BIG time. And you know what? Merc, you are now the OFFICIAL Number One Contender to the EWT Tri-State Championship currently held by Billy “The Virgin” Ubermark. And as for you, Mistress Mia, it’s time to head back into the ring for you are the Number One draw in the Queen’s Court Rumble while Trish Stratus has drawn Number Two.


* A big smile crosses Mia & Merc’s face as they hug & Mia heads back to the ring. Mia climbs into the ring as the medics are checking on Trish. The bell sounds as Mia pounces on Trish, throwing some more punches. Mia grabs Trish & throws her into the ropes, hitting a clothesline. Mia lifts Trish up by the hair, throwing Trish over the top rope, eliminating her. *

* The clock starts to tick down as Mia relaxes in the ring. The two-minute mark hits, as Mia stands ready in the ring. Mia gets attacked from behind, as entry number three was Lita, who came through the crowd. Lita throws Mia into the ropes & nails a Hurricanarama. Lita drops a leg drop on Mia. Lita quickly gets to the second rope & leaps off, missing an elbow as Mia rolls out of the way. Mia grabs Lita & tosses her by the hair. Mia runs the ropes & lands a dropkick to the side of Lita’s face, who was on all fours. Mia grabs Lita into an Abdominal Stretch. Lita manages to reverse it with a hiptoss. Lita drops an elbow onto Mia. The clock starts to tick down, showing the next entry is getting ready to come in the ring.*

* oceanic comes running & slides under the ropes into the ring. Oceanic lands a dropkick that sends Lita flipping over the top ropes & gets tied up in the ropes. Oceanic then goes after Mia, grabbing her into a German Suplex. Oceanic hits a release German Suplex onto Mia & grabs Mia, throwing her into the ropes. Mia flips into a Tree of Woe. Oceanic runs towards Mia, going for a baseball slide. Mia manages to get herself up & is sitting up on the top ropes. Mia jumps off the top rope & hits an elbow onto oceanic’s leg. Mia grabs oceanic but is caught from behind by Lita, who nails a Twist of Fate onto Mia. Lita grabs oceanic & nails a twist of fate on her, as well, while the clock ticks down to the next participant.*


* Diva-Dorf makes her way to the ring. As she climbs into the ring, Lita nails a Twist of Fate on her. Lita grabs Diva-Dorf & tosses her over the top rope, eliminating her. Lita turns her attention & is met by a double clothesline by oceanic & Mia. As Lita gets to her feet, she is also met by a double dropkick from oceanic & Mia. Mia lifts up Lita with a bodyslam. Oceanic gets to the top rope & leaps off with the first ever Female Five Star Frogsplash. The clock starts kicking down as both oceanic & Mia are trying to eliminate Mia.*

* Mae Young slides into the ring unnoticed & comes up from behind, dumping Mia over the top rope. Mae attempts to do the same to oceanic, but oceanic manages to reverse it, eliminating Mae Young. Oceanic turns her attention back to Lita, who somehow has a steel chair in the ring. Lita tosses the chair at oceanic, who catches it. Lita nails a spinning heel kick into the chair, crashing the chair into oceanic’s face. Lita tosses the chair aside & grabs oceanic, dragging her over to the ropes. Lita tries to getting oceanic over the rope, struggling. Lita manages to get oceanic over but oceanic lands on the ring apron. Lita celebrates in the ring, thinking she has eliminated oceanic. Oceanic grabs Lita, spins her around, & nails her own copy of the Twist of Fate. Oceanic grabs Lita & & Suplexes her as the clock starts counting down again.*

* Miss Redneck Woman comes running down to the ring & slides in. She grabs oceanic & tosses her by the hair. MRW grabs the steel chair that’s in the ring & cracks it over oceanic’s head as oceanic is trying to get to her feet. MRW takes the chair & places it on Lita’s throat, slamming the base of the chair down. MRW runs the ropes & bounces off the ropes, nailing Lita, busting her open with the chair. MRW tosses the chair down & grabs Lita, throwing her into the ropes. MRW hits a Lou Thesz Press & starts throwing punches to Lita. Oceanic comes up from behind MRW & throws her into the ropes. Oceanic nails a Hurricanarama onto MRW. Oceanic throws MRW into the ropes & nails a dropkick that sends MRW over the top rope, eliminating her. *

* As MRW makes her way to the back, frustrated, she meets up with the next participant in the Rumble, Stacy Keibler. Stacy smiles as MRW makes her way to the back. This angers MRW, who attacks Stacy from behind. MRW grabs Stacy & throws her into the ring steps. MRW then smashes Stacy’s face into the ring steps. Stacy is busted open now, as the referees pull MRW off her. Security escorts an angry MRW to the back as the referees check on Stacy. They determine she is in no condition to carry on, thus she is eliminated from the match. *

*Back in the ring, oceanic & Lita are going at it, throwing punches now. The two-minute mark nears its end, as Dawn Marie comes running down to the ring. Dawn Marie comes into the ring & nails a spear onto oceanic. Dawn Marie & oceanic start rolling around the ring in a cat fight, as Lita heads to the ropes for a breather. Lita says something to the referee, who hands her a bottle of water. Lita pours the water over her head to help get rid of some of the blood. Oceanic manages to get the best of Dawn Marie & flings her into a not paying attention Lita. Both girls crash into the corner as oceanic runs at both women, nailing a dropkick to Dawn Marie’s back. Both women’s heads collide as they smash into the turnbuckle. Oceanic grabs Dawn Marie & hits a release German Suplex. Oceanic then gets to her feet, grabbing Lita & hits a bulldog. *

* Linda Ragnal makes her way to the ring as the two-minute mark hits again. Linda goes straight for Dawn Marie & throws her into the ropes. Linda hits a clothesline on Dawn Marie. Linda grabs Dawn Marie & throws her over the top rope, eliminating her. Linda backs up & bumps into oceanic. Oceanic just stares at Linda as Linda extends a hand. Oceanic goes for the hand, but is met by a kick to the gut. Linda grabs oceanic & hits a DDT. Linda runs the ropes & nails a Lionsault onto oceanic. Linda climbs to the top rope & Lita charges at her on the rope. Linda changes her plans & nails a missile dropkick on Lita, that sends Lita wheeling into the ropes & flips over, getting eliminated. Linda celebrates that she’s eliminated Lita, but isn’t paying attention. Oceanic grabs Linda into a German Suplex. Oceanic hits a second German Suplex. Oceanic hits a third German Suplex as the clock hits zero for the next participant. *

* Sara comes into the ring as oceanic gets to her feet. Oceanic grabs Sara & runs towards the rope with enough momentum to eliminate her. Oceanic goes after Linda, who hits a spinning heel kick to the face of oceanic as she turns around. Linda runs the ropes & hits a Rain Storm. Linda goes for another one, but is hit with knees to the back. Oceanic grabs the ropes to help her to her feet as the 2 minute mark nears again.*

* The final participant, Rosa, makes her way to the ring. Rosa climbs into the ring as oceanic hits her with a dropkick. Rosa gets tied up in the ropes as oceanic runs the ropes & nails a clothesline, holding onto the top rope to aid her in landing on the apron. Rosa crashes to the ground as oceanic manages to roll back into the ring. Linda gets to her feet & lands a baseball slide to oceanic. Linda grabs oceanic & sets her up for a piledriver, but oceanic reverses it with a backflip. Oceanic drops a legdrop onto Linda & then rushes to the ropes. Oceanic gets to the ropes & nails a Superfly Splash from the top rope. As Oceanic gets to her feet, Dr. Hillary Clitton nails her from behind. Clitton nails oceanic with the EWT Girl Next Door Championship belt. Clitton grabs oceanic & throws her into the ropes, smashing the championship belt in her face. Linda struggles to her feet & jumps on Clitton’s back with a Sleeper Hold. Clitton struggles with Linda on her back as she gets near the ropes. Clitton grabs the top rope & pulls at it. Clitton runs Linda back into the corner, smashing her into the turnbuckle. Oceanic gets to her feet & nails Clitton with a dropkick. Clitton flips over the top rope to the ground. Oceanic checks on Linda real quick & then grabs Linda, running with her towards the ropes. Linda manages to put on the brakes as the momentum causes oceanic to hit the ropes & flip over. Oceanic manages to hold onto the bottom rope to prevent elimination. Just then, oceanic nailed by a steel chair outside the ring from Clitton & it causes her to release the rope & fall to the arena floor as the referee calls for the bell. The referee gets in the ring & awards the first ever Queen’s Court Rumble & the Number One Contendership to Linda Ragnal. Ragnal celebrates in the ring as her Mike & Joe Ragnal jump in the ring & hoist Linda on their shoulders to celebrate her victory. Dr. Hillary Clitton grabs her championship & heads for the back as oceanic lay on the arena floor, blood dripping from her forehead, & a gleam of anger in her eye.*

[Toom E. Guci]

* We cut backstage to Toomi Bischoff.*

TB: Well, it seems neither one of the Nyrds showed up for their match tonight. So I am replacing them with one more performance from the Bloodhound Gang. Ladies & gentlemen, give it up for the Bloodhound Gang.

* Bloodhound Gang isn’t prepared, so they decide to go accoupella on this one & they start a human beat box & bust a rhyme:*

One night me and the crew hit the road on a mission
To slurp free brew and go fuzzy flounder fishin'
Kayjees on the hi-fi and the keg was bottomless
Until we brought Skip O'Pot2Mus
And Daddy's gonna get some probably underage and dumb
And everybody knows that the Daddy eats his young
Lupus in the lavatory makin' a big stink
Macin' up the toilet seat and poopin' in the sink
M.S.G.'s tanked up and wizzin' in a cup
Waitin' for a sprinkle genie to come and drink it up
'Cause I'm the One Bottle Willy with the Twelve Horse Ale
After that I get silly like Soupy Sales
Now it's midnight and I'm completely boofy blitzed
A six of Schlitz and the Jew brew Manischewitz
With my beer-tinted glasses I'm ready to biddy battle
I'm "Hungry Like The Wolf" but I'll end up tendin' cattle

'Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
And I'm pretty f***in' drunk

Here she comes a funky fried cutie
Mr. Jimmy Pop Ali is gonna get some booty
'Cause I'm Mr. McFeelie with a Speedy Delivery
You'd think I was a ditch the way this chick was diggin' me
But maybe I should check and see if this is where I wanna be
Hey Lupus is she cute? Yeah for a Pygmy
What do you know? You're probably goin' home alone
And it wouldn't be the first time that I gave a dog a bone
Plus beauty it's only skin deep
It's in the eye of the beholder and my beholder's about to tweak
I could tap that barrel in fact I know I can
It's a mçnagç a trois you and me and Heineken

'Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
And I'm pretty f***in' drunk

Regrets I've had a few
First and foremost I'd like to mention you
For the sake of conversation we'll call you the brand new heavy
You're a mix between an Ugnaut and Eugene Levy
You can call it big-boned I'd prefer to call it gut
You're Buddha you're Shamu you're Jabba the f***in' Hutt
You had harpoon scars and your boobies were hairy
I smelt tuna melt but I wasn't gonna worry
It was 3:00 A.M. and I wasn't gettin' squat
So I rolled you up in flour and aimed it for the wet spot
I was buttering rolls like a soup kitchen Christian
Then it hit me somethin' bit me while my little rod was fishing
I was deep sea fishin' I took a fat chance
But how was I supposed to know that Jabberjaws lived in your pants?
At that junction I came to realize
That only Frank Purdue likes thighs that size
Fatty fatty boom ba latty I gotta lament
That you were not a girl you were an experiment

'Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
And I'm pretty f***in' drunk

You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
You're pretty when I'm drunk
And I'm pretty f***in' drunk

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Do do do do do do
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Do do do do do do do
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Do do do do do do
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Do do do do do do
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Do do do do do do
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
Do do do do do do

[Toom E. Guci]

* Toomi Bischoff is back in the ring.*

TB: A-Bomb, it’s time for your mystery opponent. GET YER ASS OUT HERE NOW!!

A-Bomb’s music hits the arena and the crowd begins to pop. A-Bomb walks out slapping hands with fans and signs a few autographs. A-Bomb hops into the ring and begins posing for the fans. Bomb’s music fades out and the arena becomes silent as he waits for his mystery opponent. 8 SYXX PAC!!! Echoes throughout the arena and the fans begin marking out. His theme is playing for about 30 seconds before he comes walking out looking ready and happy to see his former nBo member. 8 Syxx Pac climbs into the ring and begins talking to A-Bomb. 8 Syxx puts up the nBo finger sign and extends it towards Bomb. Bomb does the same and the ref rings the bell and the match is on.

The two begin circling around the ring and the fans go nuts. A-Bomb stops and poses on the turnbuckle for the fans. Bomb jumps down and continues the face off. A-Bomb locks up with 8 Syxx and executes a side headlock and keeps the hold on down on the mat, 8 Syxx turns it into a leg scissors. A-Bomb repositions himself and flips onto his opponent shoulder first into a pin. 8 Syxx stands up still in the grapple and rolls A-Bomb into a cradle pin. Bomb kicks out at 1. They both kip up and go into a pose. The fans pop and show their approval of the mat work just displayed. 8 Syxx steps quickly towards A-Bomb…A-Bomb jumps up with a spin kick…8 Syxx ducks and goes for a kick. A-Bomb catches his foot…8 Syxx goes for an enziguri. A-Bomb ducks and is now holding both feet…Bomb flips over into a modified Boston Crab. 8 Syxx grabs the rope and the ref makes A-Bomb breaks the hold. Pac rolls out onto the apron. A-Bomb walks over and gets shoulder to the gut. Pac flips over the rope and hits a hurricanarama on A-Bomb. Bomb falls chin first onto the second rope. Pac runs towards A-Bomb, but Bomb rolls out of the way and 8 Syxx crotches himself on the 2nd rope.

A-Bomb grabs 8 Syxx from behind and nails a reverse DDT. Bomb springs off of the second rope for a Lionsault…Pac gets the knees up and kicks Bomb with both feet while on the mat knocking him down. Bomb gets to his feet and is met with a spinning heel kick. Pac grabs Bomb and gets charged into the corner. A-Bomb follows up with 2 shoulders and then a somersault kick. Pac stumbles out and Bomb tosses him with an overhead suplex. 8 Syxx gets up slowly as A-Bomb approaches him, he elbows him in the gut grabs his head and falls down driving his knees into Bomb’s face. He tosses Bomb out of the ring. Bomb is holding his nose-seeing if it broken. 8 Syxx baseball slides out, Bomb steps out of the way. The two exchange punches and Bomb gets the advantage leaving 8 Syxx dazed. Bomb tosses Pac into the crowd and slides into the ring, A-Bomb gestures for the fans to get out of the way. A-Bomb runs, bounces of the ropes springs off of the top rope into a flip onto 8 Syxx out in the crowd. The fans start chanting holy s*** as the two slowly try to get up. Pac crawls towards the crowd barrier. Bomb walks over to pick him up but gets back body dropped over the rail, 8 Syxx jumps off of the rail with a moonsault onto A-Bomb.

Pac grabs A-Bomb and throws him into the ring. 8 Syxx is standing on the apron as he is waiting for Bomb to get up, he springs off the top rope with a spinning heel kick, Bomb catches 8 Syxx and hits a fall away slam with pin for a 1 ¾ count. Bomb rolls over still holding onto Pac and slams him down with a powerslam and then goes into a cartwheel into a moonsault. Bomb picks 8 Syxx up for a vertical suplex. Pac reverses with a neckbreaker landing knees first he then turns around and hits a vertical suplex of his own into a headlock. A-Bomb fights his way out and gets back to his feet. 8 Syxx telegraphs a kick, Bomb ducks grabbing 8 Syxx’s hand and nails a pumphandle slam. A-Bomb hopes onto the turnbuckle and leaps off of the tope rope springboards off of the side ropes into a senton, Pac kicks out at 2.Bomb motions for Pac to get up, he toe kicks him and has him up for a powerbomb…8 Syxx reverses it into an 8 Syxx factor…1…2…thr..No foot on the rope. 8 Syxx is frustrated he climbs onto the top rope. A-Bomb bounces off of the rope crotching 8 Syxx. A-Bomb climbs onto the 2nd rope positioning 8 Syxx for a BETADRIVER OFF OF THE TOP ROPE. Bomb hooks his leg for the pin 1…2…thre..foot on the rope.

Bomb can’t believe it, he waits for Pac to get up, and he runs for a scissor kick, Syxx ducks it and applies a Tazzmission. A-Bomb is walking around trying to get out. He bounces off of the ropes but 8 Syxx still has the hold on. Bomb is slowly fading he drops his hand on the rope the ref forces Pac to break the hold. 8 Syxx Pac waits for A-Bomb to get up he goes for spinning heel kick A-Bomb collapses and Pac hits the ref. 8 Syxx looks at the ref and then back at Bomb who’s trying to get back on his feet. 8 Syxx climbs on the turnbuckle…just the A-Bomb runs leaps onto the top rope and hits an Overhead Belly to Belly Moonsault. He has Syxx pinned but there’s no ref, A-Bomb gets up to check on the ref just then someone attacks him from behind and lays A-Bomb out with a tombstone piledriver. The man leaves the ring and exits through the crowd. The ref and 8 Syxx slowly get to their feet. 8 Syxx looks a bit surprised to see Bomb laying out cold. He picks A-Bomb up and nails a 8 Syxx Factor the ref slowly counts the pin 1..2..3!

The ref raises 8 Syxx’s hand. Pac then goes over to check on A-Bomb, he looks a bit concerned. Toom E Bischoff comes walking out with a mic.

Toom: I’m pretty sure you’re wondering what happened to your fellow nBo member. Well, since I knew you probably couldn’t get the job done I had a little friend come out a make sure it did. Why don’t you introduce yourself to him?

* 8 Syxx looks confused. He turns around and is met with a big boot from the mystery man. Just then the Billion Dollar Corporation comes running out through the crowd. The mystery man flees to the backstage area with Toom. The BDC are in the ring checking on A-Bomb and 8 Syxx.

[Toom E. Guci]

Finkel: This match is scheduled for one fall. This is the Triple-Threat Ladder Match and it is for the EWT Ox Division Title! *'Poor and Weird' by The Briefs plays* Coming down to the ring, weighing in at 240 pounds, from Portland Oregon, he is EWT’s number one contender for the EWT Ox Division Title. I give to you ULTIMO CHOCULA!

*Chocula makes his presence at the arena and immediately looks at the ladders underneath the ToomiTron. He looks at those ladders knowing that tonight could be his night. Chocula then does his normal strut down the ramp and enters the ring fine. Once in the ring he signals the crowd to look up as he looks up too to look at the Ox Belt and then looks back at the crowd to make a motion as if the belt assumed around his waist.
Finkel: 'Note To Self: Don't Die' by Ryan Adams plays* Coming down to the ring, weighing in at 223 pounds, from Conway Connecticut, he is a former EWT Ox Division Champion, I give to you DAVID ADAMS!

*Adams comes out underneath the ToomiTron acting cockier than normal by using motions on regaining the belt that was once his. He feels very confident because he looked at the ladders for two seconds and continued on to the ring as he sports an 'I don't care' look. He enters the ring fine to cheers, which had not become prominent from before*

Finkel: *'It's Dorf's Time' by Da Radicalz plays* Coming down to the ring, weighing in at 268 pounds, from Filthadelphia Pencilvania, he is the current Ox Division Champion, I give to you, DORF!

*Dorf appears with Diva-Dorf in hand. As Dorf and Diva-Dorf walk under the ToomiTron Diva-Dorf's ankle seemed to be fine. They both stop near the ladders as they look at what could be Dorf's losing effort in this match Dorf looks worried, whereas Diva-Dorf looks confident her boyfriend would lead to victory in this triple-threat ladder match. As soon as Dorf focused toward the ring, David Adams comes from the ring and runs up the ramp to start giving hard punches to Dorf's sternum. Diva-Dorf then screams at Adams "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Adams: To win the match you s*** of a b****! (The crowd that heard that started a s*** chant.) I am the son of the legendary Marcel Adams and I'm also much sexier than anytime you are! *Adams shoves Diva-Dorf down and focuses back to Dorf*

*Meanwhile, Chocula grabs ladder underneath a ring and puts it inside the ring. He props it open and begins to climb it. Once at the top of the ladder, Chocula screams at the referee to start the match, but the referee replies that the other two competitors have not entered the ring yet and thus cannot start the match. This makes Chocula pissed as he walks over to the referee and argue with him.*

* Adams continues to punch Dorf in the ribs while Diva-Dorf shrieks for Dorf's cause. Adams takes Dorf down with a hard right to the ribs. Then Adams proceeded down to the ring where Chocula still argues with the referee. Adams enters the ring as he German Suplexes Chocula. Dorf slides into the ring & attacks Adams. Adams & dorf start throwing punches at each other. Dorf grabs Adams & throws him over the top rope. Dorf grabs UC & throws him into the ropes & nails a power slam. Dorf starts giving the boot to UC. Dorf lifts up UC & nails an Inverted Vertical Suplex. Dorf climbs to the top rope & leaps off with an elbow, but is tripped up by Adams. Adams climbs into the ring with a chair & crashes the chair down on dorf’s head. Adams then grabs dorf & throws him into the ladder set up in the middle of the ring. The ladder crashes down, landing on UC in the ring. Adams grabs dorf & hits a release German Suplex that has enough momentum to send dorf over the top rope, crashing to the floor. *

* Adams grabs UC from the ground & attempts another German Suplex. UC reverses it into a German Suplex of his own. UC grabs Adams & nails a Sugar Fix onto the ladder. UC Grabs Adams & throws him through the ropes to the outside. UC grabs the ladder & sets it up. The ladder has trouble standing, as it’s wobbly from the Sugar Fix. UC tries climbing the ladder, but it falls. UC gets frustrated & climbs out of the ring. He grabs another ladder & slides it into the ring. As he starts trying to get into the ring, he’s dragged out by dorf. Dorf nails a Gut Wrench Suplex to UC outside the ring. Dorf slides into the ring afterwards & is met by Adams back in the ring. Adams brings a chair crashing down onto dorf. Adams then throws dorf into the corner & runs at him, nailing a sit down dropkick with the chair he was still holding, smashing the chair in dorf’s face. Adams grabs dorf again & sets him up for a Boston Crab. Adams applies the pressure but is nailed from behind by a steel chair. UC grabs Adams & nails a Squid Face into the chair. UC grabs the ladder & sets it up. UC starts climbing the ladder, but dorf decides to follow him up. UC starts kicking at dorf but dorf manages to evade him & get UC on his shoulders. Dorf falls backwards, crashing UC into the mat as well. Both men lay prone in the ring.*

* Adams heads towards the ladder, seeing both men down. Adams starts climbing the ladder but dorf staggers to his feet. Dorf manages to grabs Adams & sets him up, hitting an AbDorftion on Adams. The crowd goes crazy for that one as all 3 men lay in the ring during a standing ovaition. UC manages to get to his feet first as he staggers a bit. UC nails a quick legdrop to dorf & then decides to do the same to Adams. UC starts climbing the ladder & he gets to the top. UC struggles with the belt as the ladder falls out from under him. Dorf is on his feet & has shoved the ladder away. Dorf throws the steel chair & it connects with UC, sending him crashing to the mat. Dorf grabs UC after he’s crashed down & sets him up for a Commu-Driver. UC manages a reversal into a backflip. UC runs the ropes & nails a dropkick to dorf. UC grabs dorf & throws him out of the ring. UC sets up the ladder & is about to climb when Adams grabs him & nails a Full Nelson Slam. Adams climbs ½ way up the ladder & nails a moonsault onto UC on the mat. Adams gets to his feet & grabs UC, lifting up the ladder. Adams places the bottom rung on UC’s throat, choking him as he climbs the ladder. Dorf struggles to get in the ring as Adams climbs to the top of the ladder & reaches the belt. Adams grabs the championship belt & manages to pull it off the rung. The bell sounds, declaring Adams the winner for the second time in his short career.*

[Toom E. Guci]

Announcer: Ladies & gentlemen, give it up for the Bloodhound Gang one more time to perform the theme song for No Rest For the Wicked.
I get bombed much like Pearl Harbor
The price is white right and I'm Bob Barker
This is your brain on drugs
This is your brain on Jackie Onasis
All you crotch goblins can kiss our asses
Yessirree Bob like corn on the cob
I'm all buttered up ready to hobnob
Daddy is a Kraut you're Nazi-occupied France
I'm gonna rise to the occasion inside my pants
So yo ass yeah you I wanna "Fraggle Rock" your girlie
Comin' around the party comin' around like Mr. Furley
I'm Mr. Furley you're Jack Tripper
You're dumb ass Gilligan and I'm the Skipper
Tiptoe through my tulips and come and frolic
'Cause my name is Betty Ford and she's an alcoholic
So here I am rock me like a hurricane
Not a Scorpion but my sting will bring your dame a lot of pain
And Daddy's gonna tell ya I'm as cool as Jack the Ripper
Somewhat of a cutthroat but still a big tipper
As I tickle you pink I bet my fingers start to stink
I'm what's missin' from your life and you're the missing link
It doesn't matter how you win or lose it's how you lick it
No rest for the wicked

Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off

Flips it up in the air like my name was Bob Barker
I always kicks it cold so I gotta wear my parka
I'm leavin' down my marker I'm stalkin' like a stalker
Usin' the force like my name was Luke Skywalker
Left hand's on the wheel and the right one on the bottle
One foot in the grave and the other on the throttle
I'm floatin' through your atmosphere like the comet Haley
As freaky as a freak show call me Barnum and Bailey
So yo ho my Cheerio here I'm comin' around the bend
Don't try to shake my hand I'm not your f***in' friend
Body slam ya to the ground like I was Captain Lou Albano
Hit ya in the balls 'til you're singin' soprano
Slide to the dance floor groove 'til you get sore
Listen to the tiger's roar I'll pump you like a seesaw
I'm a tattooed demon do you catch my meanin'
Think that you're dreamin' but soon you'll be screamin'
I got more senseless violence than a Thrilla In Manila
Like my hero Gacy I'm a stone cold killer
I got my moves from Thriller I'm Fish you're "Barney Miller"
I'm spreadin' out the carnage like Mecha-Godzilla
Like Jimmy Pop says he's as cool as Jack the Ripper
So take off your panties and kick off your slippers
Do as I say and I will be a big tipper
More smooth moves than my man Jack Tripper

Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off
Get down drink it up bring it on take it off

[Toom E. Guci]

Howard Finkel: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!

*Spaz's music hits, and the crowd pops huge for the number one contender.

HF: Introducing first, the number one contender, weighing in at 215 pounds, SPAAAAAAZZZZZZZZ!!!

*Spaz slaps hands with his fans before sliding into the ring. Spaz poses in the corners of the ring, as the crowd cheers and snaps photos. DSR's music hits, and the fans elation quickly turns venomous.

HF: His opponent, hailing from Bayside, California...weighing in at 230 pounds...he is the EWT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...D! S! R!

*DSR steps out onto the entryway, as usual to a chorus of boos. DSR is wearing a white and blue singlet, with a buzzsaw blade on the back. On the buzzsaw blade is a picture of the Virgin Mary. DSR is wide-eyed, looking totally pissed off. His eyes are fixed on Spaz. He completely shuts out the fans, and even Sexy Translator who accompanies him. DSR steps between the ropes, pulls off his World Title belt, and gets up in Spaz's grill, trying to rub the World Title belt in the challenger's face.

DSR: You see this!? This is mine, motherf***er, and you ain't takin' it from ME!!!

*Spaz shoves DSR away, but DSR drops the belt and gets right up in Spaz's face again. Spaz nails a right hand, and then DSR comes out like a whirlwind, pummeling Spaz with lefts and rights. DSR grabs Spaz and delivers a snap suplex and rolls over onto him, but only gets a two-count. DSR gets up, picks up the contender and whips him into the ropes. DSR goes for a Clothesline from TRL, but Spaz ducks. DSR turns around just in time to get hit by a flying cross body block. DSR gets up quickly and nails Spaz with a few more punches. Spaz locks his arms around DSR's waist and backs the Champ into the corner. The ref tells Spaz to break the hold. Spaz gives a clean break, but then quickly lands a succession of chops to DSR's chest. The fans "WOO" in support of Spaz. Spaz then whips DSR into the opposite corner. Spaz comes charging in, but DSR rolls out of the ring, rubbing his chest. DSR and Sexy Translator have a little conference, and DSR is oblivious to Spaz sneaking up from behind. DSR miraculously dodges an attack from Spaz. Sexy Translator, however, isn't so lucky, and she gets nailed by Spaz. DSR gets really angry, clipping Spaz's leg as he's on his way back to a standing position. DSR then picks Spaz back up, and Dragon Screws the leg of Spaz. DSR picks up Spaz yet again, and slams the challenger's head into the ring apron before rolling him back into the ring. DSR gets back into the ring and applies a Half Boston Crab. DSR pulls back on the leg, applying extra pressure to the already banged up leg. Spaz, however, is close to the ropes, and a quick grab of the bottom rope causes DSR to break the hold. DSR doesn't let up, though, as he grabs Spaz's leg, lifting him up before slamming his knee to the mat. Spaz screams out as he clutches his knee. Spaz makes it to his feet, but DSR is quick to grab him, setting him up for a belly to back suplex. Spaz reverses the momentum while he's up in the air, and lands on top of DSR for a two count. DSR gets up and starts stomping on the busted up knee of Spaz. DSR picks up Spaz and attempts to whip him into the corner, only for Spaz to fall to the mat before getting there. DSR kinda shrugs before walking over to Spaz. Spaz seems to be completely dead weight as DSR attempts to pick him up. The champ almost gets the challenger to his feet, but Spaz grabs DSR and rolls him up for a small package. DSR kicks out at 2.

Spaz gets up before DSR does. When DSR makes it to his feet, he is grabbed from behind. Spaz delivers a huge German Suplex. DSR picks himself up off the mat, only to be dropkicked from behind into the corner. DSR stumbles backwards, as Spaz locks the Champ's arms for a backslide. DSR runs up the turnbuckles and flips over Spaz. DSR then grabs Spaz and delivers another Snap Suplex. Spaz gets to one knee, and DSR sees an opportunity. DSR runs and attempts a Shining Wizard, but Spaz brings his arms up and blocks it. Spaz rolls out of the ring, rubbing his knee. It seems that when DSR went for the Shining Wizard, he spring boarded off the knee he'd been working on earlier in the match. While Spaz tends to his banged up knee, DSR flies with a TOPAY! DSR lands on his feet, but doesn't say anything. The crowd boos mightily at the hated DSR. DSR jumps back onto the ring apron. He goes for an Asai Moonsault, but Spaz rolls out of the way at the last second. Both men are laid out at ringside, as the crowd rallies behind Spaz. The match has reached the 20-minute mark.

DSR gets up, clutching his midsection. Spaz gets to his feet, as well, and grabs DSR's head from behind. DSR's head meets the ring post, and the champ flops to the floor. Spaz slowly limps to the fallen body of DSR. When Spaz picks up the champ, we find that the champ is bleeding a little bit from the forehead. Spaz rolls the champ into the ring. Spaz attempts a cover...

ONE...
TWO...
THR-DSR's foot is on the bottom rope. Spaz grabs DSR and sets him up in the corner. It seems as though Spaz is ready to finish the match with a SHOCKWAVE. DSR, however, hits a flurry of fists to the head and midsection of Spaz. DSR grabs Spaz, and nails the BRAINBUSTAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! DSR slowly climbs the ropes, finally perching himself on the top turnbuckle. He nails the SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT!!!! DSR covers Spaz!

ONE...
TWO...
THRE-SPAZ KICKS OUT! DSR has a "WTF!?" look on his face! DSR feels a rush of adrenaline, and he once again locks on the Half Boston Crab. Spaz is screaming in pain, as his leg is killing him. DSR screams out as well, but his screaming sounds almost happy. The blood running down DSR's face makes the moment even scarier. Spaz scratches at the mat, trying desperately to pull himself to the ropes. DSR's added pressure isn't helping matters, but Spaz finally reaches the ropes. DSR picks up the challenger, and sets him up for the TURBONEGRO DESTROYER! Spaz picks DSR's feet up off the mat, though, and somehow manages to back DSR into the corner. Again, Spaz makes with some chops, but DSR grabs the challenger and puts him in the corner. DSR then lands some chops of his own. DSR pulls Spaz out of the corner and attempts another suplex, but Spaz frees himself, landing on his feet behind DSR. Spaz grabs DSR from behind and hits a huge Belly to Back Suplex! Both men are laid out on the mat, as we've hit the 35-minute mark.

Sexy Translator starts slapping the mat, trying to get DSR up to his feet. The crowd starts up a "SPAZ!" chant, and Sexy Translator turns to the audience, telling them to shut up. Spaz pulls himself up with the ropes in the corner, as DSR slowly brings himself up off the mat, as well. Spaz charges in with a clothesline, but DSR ducks and grabs him for an EXPLODER SUPLEX! DSR gets up and pulls Spaz toward the corner. DSR climbs the turnbuckles. DSR takes a few seconds to wipe the blood off his face. The champ then flies with a 450! But Spaz brings his knees up. DSR clutches his stomach as he rolls around on the mat. DSR and Spaz get up at about the same time, and the two men exchange punches. DSR whips Spaz into the ropes. DSR goes for what looks like a Yakuza Kick, but Spaz slides between DSR's legs. Spaz schoolboys DSR, but DSR kicks out and rolls out of the ring. Spaz stands over by the ropes, yelling at DSR to get back in the ring. DSR, instead, grabs Spaz's legs and pulls him out to the floor. DSR chops the challenger's chest a few times before grabbing the back of his head and slamming Spaz face first into the ring steps. DSR slides into the ring.

DSR: Count that son of a b**** out, ref!

*The ref begins counting Spaz out, but Spaz makes it to his feet by 7. He's busted open now, too. He slowly slides into the ring, only for DSR to start putting the boots to him. Spaz rolls back out of the ring. He slides back in, and when DSR comes after him, he grabs the champ's leg and forces him to the mat. Spaz locks his arms around DSR's waist. DSR gets to his feet, and Spaz connects with a German Suplex! Spaz rolls with it, a la Chris Benoit, hitting a second German, and then a third! On the third, Spaz bridges, and the ref counts, but DSR's feet are in the ropes, so the ref stops counting. Spaz gets up, having gained a second wind, and grabs DSR. He gives him a Suplex, but rolls through for a second one. He goes for the third, like Eddie Guerrero, but DSR locks his leg, putting the Three Amigos to a grinding halt. Instead, DSR picks up Spaz, and hits a Brain buster! DSR gets up and stands in the corner, winding up his arm for a Clothesline from TRL. Spaz gets up and ducks just in time, DSR runs to the opposite ropes and stops. Spaz comes charging after DSR, but DSR instinctively hits an EmoKick! DSR falls to his knees. He's exhausted. But he sees that Spaz is down, so he crawls over to the challenger, and barely drapes his arm over the shoulder of his opponent.

ONE...
TWO...
THRE-SPAZ KICKS OUT AGAIN! We've reached the 55-minute mark, as DSR and Spaz once again slowly get to their feet. Spaz stumbles over to DSR, who picks him up for an AIRPLANE SPIN! The fans count the number of spins...

1
2
3
4
5
6
7

Spaz's foot collides with the ref's head, sending him down to the mat. DSR drops Spaz with a Death Valley Driver, but DSR is dizzy as all get out. He falls to the bloodstained mat. As DSR stumbles around the ring, Spaz gets up. Both men struggle to regain their composure. DSR more or less falls into the clutches of Spaz, who hits a DOWN UNDER DDT! Spaz, almost on instinct, grabs DSR's legs and latches on a Sydney Cloverleaf! Now DSR screams in pain, clutching the mat, oh so close to tapping out! DSR is on the brink of tapping out, even if the ref is knocked out. Suddenly, Toomi Bischoff comes out from the back with a Kendo Stick, and whacks Spaz in his bad knee! Spaz immediately lets go of the hold, clutching his knee as Toomi whacks it again. Toomi takes so much glee from the pain he's causing, that he doesn't realize that someone has just come out through the crowd and is standing right behind him. Toomi turns around to see PSYCHO APE GUY! Toomi runs like the wind, scared to death of what could happen to him if he stays. Psycho Ape Guy follows him out of the arena. Spaz is on one knee, crying out in pain. DSR has gotten to his feet. DSR sees his opportunity and connects with a SHINING WIZARD! Outside the ring, Sexy Translator is setting up a table. DSR is oblivious, as he picks up Spaz, setting him up for the Turbonegro Destroyer! Spaz tries like hell to fight DSR off, so DSR clubs him in the back a few times. DSR sees the table set up, and picks Spaz up for what looks like a Razor's Edge! DSR runs to the ropes and launches Spaz into the table with an AWESOME BOMB! DSR, Spaz, and the ref are all laying around, amidst the boos coming DSR's way are "HOLY S***!" chants. Sexy Translator revives the referee, as DSR goes out and grabs Spaz, pushing him with all his might back into the ring. DSR climbs in after him. DSR covers the lifeless challenger. The dazed ref counts...

ONE...
...
...
TWO...
...
...
THR-Spaz just barely gets a foot on the bottom rope! DSR rolls over onto his back, totally exhausted. The ref still doesn't completely have his faculties about him. Spaz puuuuuulllls himself up the turnbuckles. The fans cheer as loud as they can for Spaz, as he flies with a Shooting Star Press! Sexy Translator has grabbed DSR's feet, though, and pulled him out of the way of the maneuver! Spaz lands knees first on the mat, and screams out like he's dying. Sexy Translator urges DSR on, as he grabs Spaz's leg and once again locks on the Half Boston Crab. Spaz is trapped in the middle of the ring, clutching at the mat, trying desperately to pull himself to the ropes. DSR perseveres, keeping Spaz in the middle of the ring. Finally, Spaz desperately taps out! The ref insists that DSR break the hold.

At 85:32, the winner of the match, and STILL EWT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, DSR!

DSR lets go of the hold, as the fans boo him so loudly it drowns out his music, or the announcement that he's won the match. The ref drapes the World Title Belt over exhausted body of DSR. DSR can barely even grip the belt. As DSR rolls out of the ring, the cameras can barely pick up what DSR says.

DSR: The kid...never even came close...

*Sexy Translator puts DSR's arm across her shoulders, as she helps him up the entryway. DSR is a bloody mess, as holds the World Title just above his head. DSR then drops to all fours, breathing heavily, as blood drips from his forehead. DSR continues to hold his Title for all he's worth, though.

COPYRIGHT 2005 EWT INC.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED