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Post by Toom E. Guci on Aug 27, 2006 22:33:47 GMT -5
* Toom E Dangerously is standing in the back. A smile covers his face.*
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Aug 27, 2006 23:16:15 GMT -5
*We see HBH and Cherry arriving at the EWT arena when Hoss Matthews walks up to them*
Hoss: Bret, how do you feel about losing the Tri-State title to Mike Ragnal at Crap-a-mania?
HBH: How do I feel?! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL, YOU F***ING DIPS***?!? The way my title reign, THE longest Tri-State title reign in EWT history I might add, ended is a complete injustice. I had Mike's ass beat for the 1, 2, 3, but NO! Thanks to the incompetency of the referee, the match continued, even though I clearly had won. I was SCREWED out of the title and I will not stand for it! Mike, I DEMAND a rematch, and I'll show you why I should STILL be the Tri-State Champion. Now get the f*** outta my way!
*HBH shoves Hoss aside*
HBH: Come on Cherry. We need to go over a strategy to get MY title back.
Cherry: OK, but it had better not involve me kissing him. Ugh!
*HBH and Cherry walk off as we cut to the next segment*
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Queen Rosa
Mike the Goon
All hail the queen!
Posts: 30
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Post by Queen Rosa on Aug 27, 2006 23:27:48 GMT -5
*We see Rosa in her dressing room sitting down*
Rosa: One more second. If I held one for just one more second I would still be the GND Champion. Even though I'm disappointed in myself for giving in so soon, I hold my held up high, knowing that I defended that title with honor and pride. I took on all comers and put my body on the line for that title, and for that, I regret nothing.
Congratulations, Rachael. I'm sure you'll do well as champion, but I'm not quite ready to relinquish my hold on that belt yet. How's about you and me go at it one more time? What do you say, champ?
*The camera stays on Rosa for a few more seconds until we cut to the next segment*
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Post by Mystery on Aug 27, 2006 23:37:30 GMT -5
(A dark room sits a famaliar figure)
Times have changed and times are strange Here I come , But I ain't the same Mama, I'm Coming Home Times gone by seem to be You could have been a better friend to me Mama, I'm Coming Home Took me in and you drove me out Yeah, you had me hypnotised Lost and found and turned around By the fire in your eyes You made me cry, told me lies But, I can't stand to say goodbye Mama, I'm Coming Home I could be right, I could be wrong Hurts so bad, it's been so long Mama, I'm Coming Home Selfish love yeah we're both alone The ride before a fall But I'm gonna take this heart of stone I just got to have it all I've seen your face a hundered times Everyday we've been apart I don't care about the sunshine, yeah 'Cause Mama, Mama, I'm Coming Home I'm Coming Home You took me in and you drove me out Yeah, you had the hypnotised Lost and found and turned around By the fire in your eyes I've seen your face a thousand times Everyday we've been apart I don't care about the sunshine, yeah 'Cause Mama, Mama, I'm Coming Home I'm Coming Home
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Post by Poker Joker on Aug 27, 2006 23:43:17 GMT -5
(The scene opens up in the E.W.T. Arena. Its the day after Crap-A-Mania, and everyone has crammed into the place to see what will happen next. People are already standing on chairs and lining the asiles in hopes of getting a good glimps at the action. The excitement is thick and the audience hopes are high. Suddenly, "Like A Virgin" by Madonna starts blasting over the loudspeakers! The crowds reaction goes instantly from excitement to anger and hostility.)
*ANNOUNCER*: The following match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from St. Paul, Minnesota and weighing in at approximately 226 lbs..... Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark!!!
(The fans let loose with their cat-calls as Billy heads down to the ring in his classic yellow-and-green tights and his Anti-Virgin Discrimination t-shirt! He climbs into the ring and raises his hand over his head as a gesture to the fans, but they simply respond with more booing and name-calling. Billy simply waves them of with a flick of his wrist as his entrance music dies out. Suddenly, a new entrance music that features a cold synthesizer/guitar rift starts up. Its the music for Jake "The Snake" Roberts!)
*ANNOUNCER*: And his opponent, hailing from Stone Mountain, Georgia and weiging in at approximately 238 lbs.... Jake "THE SNAKE" Roberts!!!
(The fans erupt in a standing ovation at the mention of Jake's name, and cheers fill the arena! Everyone turns to face the entrance ramp, but nobody seems to be coming out! The cheers continue, but after a little bit the audience is puzzled. Finally, out of the back comes Jake "The Snake." He seems to be wobbling a little bit as he comes down the ring asile, carrying his tradional snake-filled burlap sack with him. The fans greet him with a rousing ovation as Jake makes his way into the ring. As Jake climbs in, Billy Ubermark looks at the ring announcer and demands his microphone. The ref, however, tells Billy that there's no time for speeches. Jake's music soon dies away, and the ref orders the start of the match.)
*BELL RINGS!*
(Jake the Snake and Billy look across the ring at one another. Billy looks Jake up-and-down for a moment. He points at Jake's rather unremarkable physic and shakes his head. The crowd boos Billy's action. Jake waits for a moment and shrugs his shoulders. He then gestures at Billy with one finger to come closer and get things started. The fans respond with cheers to Jake taunting Billy on. Billy smiles at Jake and charges at him. Billy tries for a clothesline, but Jake ducks it. Jake fires at Billy with a couple of closed fists to the face that rock Billy Ubermark some. Billy staggers for a moment. Jake grabs Billy's arm and connects with the short clothesline. Billy goes down to the ground, and Jake the Snake quickly grabs Billy by the hair and pulls him to his feet. The audience gets excited and starts to scram for joy as Jake sets Billy up for the DDT and twirls his finger in the air. Jake goes for the move, but Billy slips out of it. Jake falls down backwards and lands on his ass. He's slow to get up, so Billy grabs Jake by his balding head. He spins him around backwards and nails a quick Virgin Sacrafice on the aging superstar! The crowd's excitement is suddenly quelled by disappontment and anger as Billy rolls on top of old Jake for the cover!)
1.....2.....3!
*BELL RINGS*
(The audience roars with disapproval as Billy Ubermark quickly rolls off of Jake "The Snake" Roberts. The ref comes over and raises Billy's hand in the air, but Billy continues to look down at Roberts.)
*ANNOUNCER*: Here is your winner of this match, Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark!
("Like A Virgin" plays over the loudspeakers as the crowd continues to express their discontent. Billy, however, also does not seem too happy as he has a clear scowl on his face. He walks over to the side of the ring and demands a microphone from the ring announcer. This time, he gets it. Billy walks over to the middle of the ring, points down at Jake Roberts, and begins to address the fans.)
*BU* (angry): This is it?! THIS was the best this company could give me? After an impressive win over King Choculon at Crap-A-Mania, I get saddled in my next match with an over-the-hill drunk for an opponent?! Did everything I said after my match at Crap-A-Mania go unheard? Did my match that night go completely un-noticed?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I am one of, if not THE, most talented superstar in this company! How do the people on the top of this organization even think that it is REMOTELY fit that I have to wrestle this has-been who can barely walk to the ring because he's suffering from the D.T.'s?!
(Billy looks out at the fans who are now outraged at his treatment of Jake "The Snake" Roberts. As if to prove his point, however, Billy goes over and grabs the fallen Jake, who has rolled onto his side and is trying to get up. Billy grabs him by his hair and lifts him to his feet. Bily grabs Jakes tights, and throws him out of the ring through the top and middle rope. Jake lands on a heap on the arena floor, emberassed. The crowd becomes even more incensed at Billy, and starts a chant of "Screw The Virgin!" Billy, however, simply walks back to the middle of the ring and starts talking again over the shouts of the audience.)
*BU*: If that is what the E.W.T. thinks is suitable competition for me, the THAT is what I think of their competition! I don't deserve to have to share the ring with a second-rate pile of garbage like that!
(Billy looks around, still scowling. The "Screw the Virgin" chant dies down and changes into thick streams of booing.)
*BU*: Now, I know what you all are thinking. You think that I'm going to claim that this is a simple case of Virgin Discrimination. And while you're right in the fact that Virgin Discrimination probably plays into this, somehow, you're wrong about it being the sole reason for this. You see, I've noticed that the E.W.T. has been feeding other wrestlers a steady stream of below-quality competition, lately, too! One of those wrestlers goes by the name... of SPAZ!
(The crowd cheers at the mention of Spaz's name. Billy pauses for a second and rolls his eyes at their responce. He waits for it to die down a bit before he continues.)
*BU*: That's right! The E.W.T. Heavyweight Champion of the World, himself! He gets a nice stream of low-level opponents to defend his title against. He had one of them at Crap-A-Mania by the name of Gasoline!
(Again the crowd cheers. Billy stands there and waits impatiently for things before continuing.)
*BU*: How does the E.W.T. justify this? They have some oversized goon who can barely grunt the english language, and shove him into a match for Spaz to defend the Heavyweight Championship against! And in the mean time, you have me, a wrestler who's accolaides are growing by the day.... a former Tri-State Champion.... a former Tag-Team Champion.... the hottest, young superstar in the E.W.T. today.... and the man just who put on one of the best performances in the history of Crap-A-Mania against King Choculon...... and they shove me into a pointless match with The Reject from a Rehab! Does anyone else see what's wrong here?!
(The crowd boos relentlessly at Billy. The camera cuts to a shot of a sign in the audience that reads "Proud Virgin Discriminator!" with an arrow pointing down at the person holding it. The shot stays on the screen for a few seconds, and then cuts back to Billy, who begins talking again.)
*BU*: How can a man like Spaz call himself a champion when he is fed bogus competitors, while the REAL competition.... the person who DESERVES to face him.... is continually forced into the background?! Without a shadow of a doubt, this is just another instance of me being denied the respect I deserve because of my virginity! Why else would this be occuring? In fact, I would go as far as to say that the Heavyweight Champion, himself, feels this exact same way, and that this is part of the reason why he hasn't faced me, yet!
(The fans again erupt into a chorus of boos. Billy stands in the ring, seemingly oblivous of the fans reaction, staring staunchly out at the crowd.)
*BU*: Well, this injustice can occur no longer! As I said at Crap-A-Mania, the Year of the Virgin has finally arrived, and this is the year when I shall show that no longer will I sit and let people make their judgements of me based on my Virginity! And no longer will the E.W.T. continue this feeding of soft opponents to their top champion! Its high time that we found out what kind of a champion Spaz REALLY is by having him face someone who is actually good enough to take the Heavyweight Championship from around his waist! And that someone.... is ME!
(With that Billy tosses the microphone on the floor. "Like A Virgin" starts playing over the loudspeakers, again, as Billy steps out of the ring. All around him, the fans are shouting insults at him and booing. Billy, however, pays them no mind. He heads up the ramp, and exits the area through the curtain as the scene fades to black.)
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Post by Chrysta on Aug 27, 2006 23:49:35 GMT -5
*The lights turn blue in the EWT Arena, and Senzafine plays as Chrysta and Ms. White walk intop the arena, arm in arm. As they enter the ring, Chrysta grabs a microphone, and speaks her chilling words.*
More than three months...such time has passed since I was last in this ring. Such time has passed when I was formerly the Girl Next Door champion...and because of fate, I was, sadly, stripped of my fortune. I was stripped of notoriety. But I was caught in tragedy...caught in a sick joke played by your God.
But now...all is as it should be. But now...I have myself a goal.
Rather...two goals.
My first goal is the woman named Rosa. THis woman was not only the proclaimer of my former title...but she has also named herself a queen. My dear Rosa...you must remember there is only room for one queen on the throne...and that queen shall be the Ice Queen.
My second goal is this "celebrity" in EWT...Miss Cook. She may be watching this, asking what she has ever done to make her one of my goals. I shall say, Ms. Rachel, that what you have done...is around yopur very waist.
*As Chrysta stares chillingly into the crowd, Ms. White makes a belt gesture around her waist. THe crowd boos at this.*
Chrysta: Precisely, my dear. You hold the Girl Next Door Championship...rather, MY Girl Next Door Championship. Ms. Rachel, at this very moment, you are the NEW champion. Had Rosa won...she would be my only goal. But now...now, Ms. Rachel...you are tergetted.
Ms. Rosa has already offered a rematch to reclaim her "throne" from you...and so shall I.
Prepare yourselves, ladies...you're about to get a chill...of pain.
*With this Senzafine plays as CHrysta and Ms. White exit the arena to the fans' dismay.*
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Aug 28, 2006 3:05:53 GMT -5
*Spaz is walking out of the Gen Tech Locker Room. Sum Guy runs up to him.*
SG: I'm Sum Guy & I smell like pickles. I am here with the man who overcame Gasoline to remain World Champion, Spaz. So Spaz what do you have to say about the comments from both Toom E. Dangerously & Billy Ubermark?
S: They say I'm not worthy to hold this title. They say I don't deserve to be World Champion & that my opponents have been soft opponents. They are just jealous of my success. Toom E. has never been my biggest fan. Ever since I first started here he has tried to destroy me at every opportunity. When I first came to prominance with the OX Title he basically threw half the roster into a Gauntlet to get the title away from me. When I first challenged for the title against DSR he hit me with a Singapore Cane to cost me the match. When I eventually won the World Title he put me up against 24 men in the TLC Rumble I still managed to triumph. He just doesn't get it. I am here coz I have the Ability. As for Billy, sure he is good, he hs done some special things in that ring but that gives him no right to call the men I have faced unworthy. Look at the list of men I have overcome to be champ. Virus, Principal Pain, Eddie Omega, Limey, Spyke Johannson, Chance Confidence, HitmanMark, Gasoline. And that is not including the damn TLC Rumble! Every man I have faced deserved their shot at the belt. Which is more then I can say about Billy, all he does is complain about discrimination. I never complained about Toom E. not giving me a chance, I went out f***ing did something about it & look at me now. World Heavyweight F***ing Champion! Something Billy can only dream about! He says the year of the virgin has arrived. Well that is crap, it'd not his year. If anything it will be the year of people liek the new Toolshed Champion Spyke Johannson, it will be the year of up and comers like Spyke, those who truly deserve to be called a Champion. I don't care what challenges are put in front of me I will triumph & remain EWT World Heavweight Champion!
*Spaz then storms off.*
SG: A fireed up Spaz is ready for whatever the future holds. I'm SUm Guy & I shampoo my hair with Ranch Dressing.
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Post by pta on Aug 28, 2006 4:15:41 GMT -5
We cut back to the backstage area... where a doctor is seen exitting Toomi's office, hands in his pockets. He looks to the screen, where Hoss Matthews sees him and walks over.
Hoss: Ummm... what's up doc?
The doctor and about half the audience groan before looking back at Hoss.
Doctor: Mein dear boy... the man known as Principal Pain... was severely injured last night at Crapmania. In fact, he will be out of wrestling action for nearly a year... maybe even longer.
Hoss looks genuinely surprised as the crowd can be heard cheering loudly in the background.
Hoss: What? So... what did it?
The doctor looks at him.
Doctor: Well... to be honest, we're not sure. But he seems to have had a major fracture and is unable to walk.
Hoss nods.
Hoss: O....kay then. But why are you telling me this?
Doctor: .... Hey you're right. Get out of my way then you... nobody.
The nameless doctor shoves him aside as Hoss watches on.
Hoss: YOU KNOW... I HAVE FEELINGS YA JERK!
Hoss runs off as we cut back to a replay of all the punishment Pain endured at Crapmania.
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Ratings
Dennis Stamp
Has a box of scraps
"YAY!"
Posts: 4,236
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Post by Ratings on Aug 28, 2006 7:47:39 GMT -5
LIVE from Palm Springs California - Ratings' Estate
*
Ratings is seen kicking back near a large fountain in his backyard, reading the latest issue of EWT Magazine.
*
Ratings: "Huh, I never knew Cheery was that flexable..."
*
He lowers the magazine and looks towards the camera, flashing his usual cocky smile.
Ratings: "Greetings minimum wagers of all ages. It is I, Ratings, coming to you LIVE from my home in beautiful Palm Springs, California; where the golf is great, the weather is beautiful and where people like you address elitists like yours truly as "sir." It was somewhat refreshing to come back home after being on that (hand quotations) "road" for so long, being that my match at Crap-a-Mania was cancelled and all. I had planned to stop by and watch the show in person, but it felt so nice to get away from those disgusting, ignorant and borderline mentally challenge people who live their lives one paycheck at a time. What are they called again... ? Ah yes... (points to the camera) "YOU People. You pathetic EWT fans who continue to show no respect towards your superiors. Though I did watch the show via high definition here at my home. I was quite entertained, new champions were made, personal vendettas were settled and our beloved champion Spaz successfully defended his title against Big Daddy Gasoline. You've had quite the run, haven't you, Spaz. You've defeated all challengers who have stood before you. Yet you've never been in the ring with the "Palm Springs Playboy". You've never been in the ring against the "'It' Athlete". You have never faced the "Maelstrom Slayer". Let me remind you low class ants out there. Since day 1; since my arrival to EWT, I've had only one goal: to become the greatest EWT Heavyweight Champion. Sure I could go for the Tri-State title, the Ox division title, heck, even the Toolshed title would look nice on my mantel. But I could care less about those championships. I mean, why play in the Sugar Bowl when you can steal the show in the Rose Bowl. That title will be mine soon, Spaz. Make no mistake, whether I must take it from you or some other weakling, that belt will soon be around my waist. For anyone who stands before me will fall, and the ratings will rise.
*
(Fade Out)
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ape
Unicron
Aunt Blabby Tells All.
bea wants all you sweathogs to take a look at what a REAL man is supposed to look like
Posts: 3,223
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Post by ape on Aug 28, 2006 8:37:42 GMT -5
*the camera fades into a room that appears to be all metal. most of the metal is either begining to rust or has begun to rust away. in the center of the room, sitting in a wheelchair is ape...and next to him, sitting atop a beautiful hand-made quilt is his protege, rosebud. rosebud is wearing a tattered ski mask and a child's winter coat with the sleeves ripped off. it almost looks like a vest on him. he's hugging a small, children's sled close to his body with one hand and coloring on a sheet of paper with some crayons using his other hand. there is a snowglobe acting as a paper weight to keep the paper in place. ape watches rosebud draw with a smile on his face. he then turns his head to the camera and begins to speak.*
ape - ...hehe...nobody thought that i could ever manage a wrestler....and they're right....i can't....i can, however, teach people how to fight...hehe....look at the variable....after spending time with me, learning how to enjoy pain....hehe...he won the ewt world title.....but not before stabbing me in the back....
*ape turns to face rosebud and he reaches out and pets his head.*
ape - ...he won't stab me in the back....he's like a son to me...hehe...literally....he has the physical body of a muscular twenty-five year-old....hehe....and the mind of a small child....the poor boy watched on when he was twelve years old.....as his parents were brutally murdered before his eyes....he watched on as his family was slaughtered...one by one, they died...begging for their lives...and yet...he was spared....hehe.....spared to live with their screams echoing in his skull for the rest of his life.
*ape turns back to the camera.*
ape - ....hehe...our minds twist and bend to deal with the horrors that life hands us....hehe....sometimes, it bends so much that it snaps in two....poor rosebud....he's nothing but a child in an adult's body.....but.....once he gets in that ring....the inner rage....the hate....hehe....the raw, human emotion....comes pouring out....
*ape begins petting rosebud's head again.*
ape - ....he's such a good boy....you're daddy's little artist, aren't you?....
*rosebud looks up at ape, then hands him the drawing that he had been working on during ape's speech.*
ape - ....hehe....i love this kid....and he and i....together....will color this promotion red.....with what looks to be maroon....
*ape looks at the picture, then holds it up for the camera to view. it's a picture of several bloodied bodies piled up in and around a wrestling ring.*
ape - ....hehe...this kid is just full of sunshine....ewt....mark my words....you will suffer for my misery.....you will suffer for rosebud's pain....and above all else...hehe...you'll suffer.....because we care about you all....
*rosebud gets up, still grasping the sled. he towers over the sitting ape. he then leans down and hugs ape with his free arm. ape wraps his arms around rosebud and gently pats his back.*
ape - ....there, there....hehe....it looks like it's nap time....it's time to close our eyes....and rosebud will help....and what's the last thing we say before our eyes shut and we're surrounded by darkness?
*rosebud looks to whisper something in ape's ear. ape then nods his head in approval.*
ape - ...yes, that's right.............................rosebud....hehe...
*the two continue to hug as the camera slowly fades to black.*
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Post by Banned Member on Aug 28, 2006 10:40:30 GMT -5
*Merc is standing in front of EWT logo banner, and looking worse for wear.*
Merc: So you want to play games huh Toom!!!
*Merc rips out a piece of his hair.*
Merc: Well Toom I can play games too! You see Toom you using me as a throw away match on a PPV is a bad idea. What's that you expect me to be to be happy that I didn't face APE? Hell at least I was prepared for whatever old geezer you sent my way, but no once again you have to keep your secrets, and surprises.
*Merc rips out another chunk of hair.*
Merc: I hate surprises! So you sit back, and smile Toom for you see. I am all done playing games with these EWT wrestlers. I want you in the ring at the next PPV, but than again you probably don't have the balls for that do you Toom. Or you'll get one of your loyal kiss ass boys to wrestle for ya. because we all know that is how you work! Now as for this banner behind me!
*Merc spits on the banner, and then turns his back toward the camera, and when Merc walks away we can see the word Sucks in yellow under the EWT.*
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Aug 28, 2006 11:20:52 GMT -5
(Backstage Ultimo is sulking on a bench after his loss to Billy Ubermark. He picks his crown up off his head and tosses it into a nearby trash can.)
UC: "Well THAT idea was a washout!"
(Just then a stage hand with an ear peice walks up to UC.)
Stageface: "There you are! We have an interveiw scheduled for you now. Tell us when you're ready."
UC: "Man, I can't do an interveiw right now. Tell Terri I'll hook up with her later."
Stageman: "Oh, right. About that. She's...............not coming."
UC: "Say what now?"
Stageorama: "She left you a letter in your locker after your match with Billy. A couple of us guys saw it and decided to open it up and read it. It's pretty bad news."
UC: "Hold it. You read my personal mail?"
Stagecoach: "Well, yeah! We're a nosey lot you know, and this one was a doozy!"
UC: "I guess since my privacy has already been invaded, go ahead and tell me what she said."
Stagebrush: "I'm just paraphrasing here, but basically it said she's had it with your stupid, immature, egomaniacal, know nothing, monkey butt. She's done with you and will no longer be doing your interviews, much less hanging out with you anymore. She also said something about your "King" gimmick being a visual metaphor for your own self loathing. We don't really get that part but we just assume she means that you're overcompensting for your small tallywhacker."
UC: "What? Terri dumped me?"
Stageamoo: "Technically, no. You never dated. She just thinks you suck now. You know, It's about time she came around. We wondered why the hell she hung around you for so long. You are kind of a schmoe."
UC: "Thanks a lot! Keep it up! Kick me while I'm down! Why don't you say something about my mother while you're at it?"
Stagecan: "You're mama is so ugly........"
UC: "Can it, half pint! Man, this is just lousy. I lost my big match at Crapamania, Terri's blown me off, everyone hates my guts....."
Stagemage: "Also, you've been bumped down the card."
UC: "What? Dammit! How can this be any worse?"
Stageace: "This is how. We got you're new interveiwer ready and waiting for you."
UC: "New interveiwer nothing! I only do interveiws with Terri Runnels!"
Stagecoop: "Well, we're half way there! Same last name, different first! Ok! We're on in five.....four....three......"
(At the stagehand's signal in bounds Dusty Rhodes, polka dots in full effect and a mic in his hand. He gets right up in UC's grill and away he goes.)
Dusty: "This is the AmmmmmmmmmmmmericanDreamDuthtyRhodeth! Looky here! I got right now the Keeeeng Ul-tee-mo! He not doin' too good! No sir! He got beat by that Virgin Upbermark! Now he's gonna be curtian jerkin' for Bobby Eaton on the muthaship every Saturday night! That's bad! That aint' good! Hoooo! He in trouble if he gonna be a contender anytime soon! He better pull his head out of his....."
(UC stands and throws his arms up.)
UC: "That's it! When Dusty Rhodes is giving me the riot act then that's as low as you can go! (sighs) I've got some thinking to do."
(With that UC slowly walks off camera leaving Dusty sitting there. After a few moments his "American Dream" theme song comes on and Dusty stands up and does his little jiggly dance as we go to the next segment.)
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Post by chanceconfidence on Aug 28, 2006 11:45:18 GMT -5
OH IT'S TIME!!! IT"S TIME!!! IT'S CHANCE TIME!!!
The awfully familiar tune starts up as Chance walks backwards down the ramp, bandaged and severely bruised from that horrific barbwire match. But he still seems quite pleased with himself. This evening, he's decked in a open red shirt, and some satin tan pants. He rolls into the ring, with his little headset microphone on.
Chance: Did you miss me folks? Well I sure as hell enjoyed my time away from you!
The crowd boos as Chance ignores this all, hopping into his favorite seat as he leans back. He smiles, looking around the arena.
Chance: So then, I bet you're all wondering... * Imitating Stupid Wigger Mark * Yo Chance... what be goin on dawg? Anything new and fly? * back to normal * Well you brain dead slobs, I'll tell you why I am out here. Because I just got word... that a NEW addition to the EWT will be arriving... very very... now!
The crowd looks rather confused until suddenly... very angry sounding music starts up as from out of the entrance ramp walks a very short looking young man. He's wearing coke bottle glasses, has a face full of ugly stubble, is as fat as a cow, and is wearing suspenders. He has a pocket protector, making the Nyrds look cool. He also seems to be balding, covering the fact up with a sporty looking baseball cap. He slowly heads down to the ring, panting and wheezing on his way down, taking a moment to use his trusty... inhaler. He sloooooooowly climbs up onto the apron, almost falling off... and already sweating. He enters the ring, flopping down butt first into a nearby chair... adjusting his glasses and looking at Chance... the crowd is silent. Just silent.
Chance: Well then... give yourself a hand. You just made a... minute walk in less than an hour. That must be a new record for you huh buddy?
The young man takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and blows his nose hard. He puts it back in his pocket, before letting out another wheeze.
Lard Ass * In a whiny nasally... kinda southern voice * I don't know * pants * how you convinced me * pant * to come this rinky dink wrestling league known as the * huff * EWT. More like... EW....Z!!!
Chance raises an eyebrow.
Chance: Okay... so I don't get it. Is the Z supposed to be funny you... marshmallow.
The young man looks mad.
Lard Ass: Hey... poophead! My weight is based from a... glandular problem.
Chance: What... your glands eat food too?
The young man growls, using his inhaler again.
Lard Ass: Chance... I have come to put an end to the... * wheeze * EWT!
Chance stares at him for a bit... stifling a chuckle.
Chance: oh really... what's your name then? I'd think all the people in the locker room would want to know so they can know who to avoid... or beat up... or pummel... or hurt... or bruise... or batter...
Lard Ass: MY NAME IS... Hank Smith! And I'm sick of all these... STUPID things you call matches. You think... anyone wants to watch a 1200 degree Flippity Floo! You think anyone cares about... a Jamaican Suplex?! You think anyone gives a rip about... PSYCOCOLOGY?! No... and I'm here to bring * cough cough * Excuse me... I'm here to bring a new age to the EWT!
Chance stares akwardly.
Chance: Really... well Mr... Smith is it? How exactly do you plan on doing that?
Mr Smith uses his inhaler again.
Hank Smith: Well I'll tell you... Chance. I'm gonna bring a new age to the EWT! And I'm gonna do it... with my totally awesome superstars. One that you... nor anybody else will be able to stop!
The crowd looks confused as Chance stares.
Chance: ... you're kidding? So where exactly did you recruit wrestlers? The buffet table?!
Hank wheezes again, looking angry.
Hank: No you... Dingleberry! I mean... these guys. Please let me introduce... * wheeze * the newest additions to the EWT Roster!
Suddenly some kinda crappy rap theme starts up... which is just a guy saying Yo...yo...yo... over and over again. And out from the back struts... a 90 pound weakling, decked out in loads of "bling", wearing a backwards baseball cap, the jersey of the hometown's team, and... he's as white as a sheet. He heads down to the ring, climbing inside and being tossed a microphone, which he barely catches with both hands, having trouble holding it up. He lifts it up and looks at Chance.
Poser: Yippekayay... Yippekayo. My name is Jim Dinner and I gots ta roll! I'm sweeter than sugar... salty as ice. If you annoy me, well that isn't nice! I came to the EWT to play. It was either this or go to a cabaret! My rhymes got crunk! My armpits got funk! And all the ladies probably think I'm a hunk!
The strange looking man does a Hokey Pokey... than stops... getting booed to hell and back by the crowd. Chance is laughing his ass off.
Chance: JIM DINNER?! Oh no... look out everybody... it's JIM DINNER!
Hank looks angry as Jim sits next to Hank on the couch, now out of breath.
Hank: Oh yeah... well that's nothin... compared to my next guy! Come on out!
Some really bad rock music starts playing... on what appears to be a Casio Keyboard. Suddenly, out to the ring, comes a guy with LONG blonde hair. So long, it's completely hanging in front of his face. He's about of average build... with tan skin. He holds up a ballpoint hammer and a gallon of water... stomping down to the ring, almost tripping on the ramp. He manages to enter the ring without too much difficulty though. He stands in the center... guzzling down the entire gallon of water... and begins to choke! Dinner runs over... applying the Heimlich maneuver, as he spews water out of his mouth... putting down the gallon in relief. He grabs the microphone now.
Guy: Myyyyyyyyyyyy nameeeeeeeeeeeeee isssssssssssssssss Quadrupleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! IIIIIIIIIIIIII ammmmmmmmmmmm hereeeeeeeeeeee tooooooooooooooooo becomeeeeeeeeeeee theeeeeeeeeeee nexttttttttttttttttt EWTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT Championnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Anddddddddddd anybodyyyyyyyyyyyyy whooooooooooo opposesssssssssss meeeeeeeeeeee shalllllllllllll beeeeeeeeeeee punisheddddddddddddddd!
He holds up the ballpoint hammer and swings it, falling to the ground with said swing. Chance is still cracking up as Hank continues to look pissed.
Hank: Hey... rutabaga! You still haven't seen my last guy! And he will make you listen.... to my threats!
Chance sits up in the chair.
Chance: Please... no more. I don't want to die laughing... and I'm awfully close.
Hank growls.
Hank: Introducing the final member of my team.... give it up for... G.H.!!
The crowd looks over as the most horrible generic rock music starts up. It's basically the same note played over and voer again. Suddenly, down to the ring stomps a guy. He's wearing black trunks... has black hair, black eyebrows, black contact lens, White Skin, black boots, and he's wearing a set of inflatable muscles on his chest. He growls... posing and showing off his " physique " to the crowd and Chance who all start laughing at once as GH stomps down to the ring... only for his muscles to deflate in mid walk. He looks from side to side, re-inflating them and entering the ring. He steps into the middle of the ring... just standing there, kinda sweating. He takes the microphone.
GH: * In the most high pitched voice you can imagine... * I AM THE GENERIC HOSS! AND I HAVE COME TO DESTROY THE EWT TOO! AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT MISTER SMITH TOLD ME TO DO! WHEN I GET INTO THE RING... ALL WILL TREMBLE BEFORE MY MIGHT!
GH does a pose of some kind, as if to show off his inflatable pex or something... to more laughter from Chance. Smith is getting red in the face.
Smith: HEY! You... meanie bo beanie! If you don't stop laughing at me, I'm gonna call my mom and tell on you! I mean... I'm gonna have these guys bust you up!
Chance stands up out of his seat... looking at each one and shrugs.
Chance: Ok... why not? I mean... I'm still all bruised and such from that barbwire match and such. But I have enough time to play with your little friends.
Smith nods.
Smith: Alright... then i guess you want a piece of... the IWN!
He tells all three of his friends to attack. Dinner charges forward, walking up to Chance and delivering... a poke in the chest. Confidence just stares, holding back more laughter as Dinner lifts his foot... about a half inch off the ground, kicking Chance's toe with no force at all. OOOO runs up behind him, trying to smack him with his ballpoint hammer... but falling over backwards as he pulls back to do so. Meanwhile, GH kinda waddles towards Chance, only for Chance to reach out and unplug his muscle's stopper, causing them to deflate again. As GH looks shocked... Chance simply exits the ring. The three men get back up, running over and holding the ropes yelling angrily as Smith gets behind them.
Smith: THIS ISN'T OVER EWT! WE WILL BRING YOU DOWN!
Before Smith and his boys can do anything... security enters the ring, whisking them away.
We fade to commercial.
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Post by Gasoline: Gen. Tech Member on Aug 28, 2006 15:05:48 GMT -5
*We come back from commercial and see that Gasoline is in his dressing room with his head down. There's a knock on the door*
Gas: What?
Muffled voice: Can I come in?
Gas: Eh.
Muffled voice: Was that a yes?
Gas: *sigh* Come in.
*Sum Guy enters the picture*
SG: Hi Gasoline, I just wanted to get your thoughts on your match with Spaz at Crap-a-mania last night.
*Gas doesn't say anything. He just stares at Sum Guy*
SG: Um, you gonna say something, big guy?
*All of a sudden, Gas grabs Sum Guy by the throat and throws him through the wall! He then walks off as we cut to the next segment*
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Post by Virus aka Captain No-Nuts on Aug 28, 2006 22:29:26 GMT -5
Voice-Over: The following EWT REWIND is brought to you by Meatloaf Crunch! All that meatloaf flavor you love, now in crunchy cereal form! It even turns your milk into gravy!
*Virus is atop the ladder at Crap-a-Mania III. With one last look at the crowd, he leaps off into the air, and the footage slows down as Virus begins his rotation. The footage pauses as Virus is nearly perpindicular to the ground.*
Styles: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THE 310-POUND VIRUS IS GOING FOR A SHOOTING STAR PRESS! WILL HE MAKE IT?!?!?
*Flashbulbs bathing him in light, Virus continues his rotation and plummets through the table with a sickening series of crunches as the footage unpauses. The crowd begins to chant "HOLY F***!".*
Styles: OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD! THAT WAS SICK! VIRUS AND PAIN ARE BROKEN IN HALF!
****
(We fade back from commercial to see Buzz Sawyer in the ring already.)
JR: After the hellacious Detention Match just 24 hours ago at Crap-a-Mania, Virus can NOT be 100% tonight... Hell, I doubt he's even cleared to wrestle yet!
King: That never stopped him, though, JR! You never know, he may just walk through that entrance yet!
PA System: PREPARE... TO BE... INFECTED!
(The crowd pops as Heaven's a Lie starts up. After a few moments, Virus has not come out from under the CrapTron. The crowd quiets in concern.)
JR: Well, there's the music, but where is the man? Where is the man who pulled off the impossible, who hit a SHOOTING STAR PRESS at 310 pounds and 6 feet 10 inches? I think he's too hurt to wrestle tonight!
(King goes to answer, but Virus comes out from under the CrapTron, microphone in hand. He is bruised, bandaged, and is obviously favoring his back.)
King: Well... he certainly didn't come out of that match coming up roses...
(The crowd chants "THANK YOU, VIRUS!", for the tremendous match at CaM. Virus smiles at the crowd before raising up the mic to speak.)
Virus: 24 hours ago, I went through hell. I was pushed to my very limit and then some by Principal Pain and Eddie Omega. And honestly, I expected nothing less from the Lamest Stage of Them All. But somehow, some way, me and Canceler perservered. And now... the P.T.A. is no more. Unfortunately, it also seems Principal Pain's career is over as well. And it all happened... with one brutal match.
Virus: As a result of the unmitigated brutality of that match, I have not been medically cleared to wrestle yet.
(The crowd boos.)
Virus: So, Lilian, if you would do the honors, I believe I will have to forfeit my match this week.
(Lilian raises up the microphone, confused.)
Lilian: Here is your winner, by forfeiture, BUZZ... SAWYER!
(The bell rings. Buzz looks a little angry he didn't get his fight.)
Virus: I'm sorry to cause you all of this trouble, Buzz. But rest assured, that once these wounds heal, I will be happy to take you on, in this very ring. And that goes for everybody else. As soon as the doctors give me the go-ahead, the Virus will be unleashed on the EWT. And if you don't believe THAT... you had better PREPARE... TO BE... INFECTED!
(Virus grimaces as the effort of belting out his catchphrase, then retreats back to the backstage as we fade to commercial.)
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Aug 28, 2006 22:48:35 GMT -5
*Mike Ragnal is walking around backstage, the EWT Tri-State title around his waist. On his face he sports a big smile, passing by the EWT Superstars as they congratulate him on his win. Todd Grisham approaches him.*
TODD: Mike, congratulations on your win at Crapamania 3.
MIKE: Thanks, Todd. I gotta tell ya, Crapamania 3, quite possibly the best night of my life! Not only did I win the Tri-State title, but I ALSO beat Michaels of all people!
TODD: Well, that's good to hear. But it seems Bret is looking for a rematch against you.
MIKE: That so? Heh, looks like he hasn't learned a damn thing from our match.
*Mike stares down into the camera lens.*
MIKE: What's your excuse for this one, huh Bret? You don't have Rosa or Gas to put this blame on. And you can't blame Cherry for this either, since that slut was brushing the taste of my lips off her face.
*Mike has a laugh, then gets back to business.*
MIKE: THe simple thing this time Bret is this. YOU caused yourself to lose that title. YOU decided to cheat, and the ref catches you at nearly the last second. And YOU were so fuming, you weren't seeing me coming to save yourself from your downfall.
This wasn't a fluke, Bret. This was no way NEAR a fluke. And if you still think you deserve this title, fine! I'll prove to you that after all these months, after the injuries, the time we took out of the ring to recover from some F***ING car accident, and beating one of EWT's largest wrestlers, that I have finally earned my spot in the line of Tri-State champions!
But if you think my name shouldn't be amongst the many to hold this title...I'll show you that the name of Ragnal WILL be remembered!
And THAT'S the Shocking Truth!
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Ass Dan
King Koopa
Curious about extra lines
Have you seen me?
Posts: 12,259
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Post by Ass Dan on Aug 28, 2006 23:04:23 GMT -5
Last week, in a dark match
The sounds of feet marching sounds and a low bass line play.
WE WANT WAR! WAKE UP!
Joe One appears from behind the curtain. He shows no emotion as he walks to the ring. Flames blaze from the set as the marching stops and metal plays.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is schedualed for one fall. Entering the ring, from Airstrip One, weighing in at 234 lbs., Joe One!
The fans aren't sure how to react to this new wrestler.
Announcer: And, already in the ring, from Gold Coast, Queensland, weighing in at 330 lbs., Nathan Jones!
Ah, let's cheer Joe. Because Nathan Jones sucks. Anyway, One enters the ring and, after the refferee checks both men, the bell is rung.
Almost immediatly, One hits Jones with an Airstrip Kiss, knocking him down like a sack of onions! One quickly gets Jones in the Sleeper Hold...
...and Jones taps? What the hell?
The bell is rung. The crowd is in shock. Hell, I'm in shock. I mean, he just made Nathan Jones tap out to a sleeper hold!
Announcer: Here is your winner, Joe...
Joe One snatches the mic.
One: You see this? I just defeated a former World Champion in less time that I could take a CRAP! There can be only One!
One's music hits as he slams the mic on Jones' still withering body. One walks back up the ramp with a look of anger on his face.
The camera shot pauses and closes up on Joe One.
One V/O: I'm coming for you, Merc.
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Aug 28, 2006 23:35:57 GMT -5
*Toom E Dangerously sits in his office.*
Crap-a-mania III has come & gone. The Aftermath is here. But I have a problem.
This company...MY company that I started from the ground up, is being run by some lunatics. Not just me, but lunatics. Let's take a look here, shall we:
Spaz: EWT Champion...here's a man that treats you fans like he is holier then you. Like he's God's gift to wrestling. Thing is Spaz, you treat MY fans like they are morons, preaching to them like you are what they want. The fans don't want you. They don't want a champion who uses the fans. A man who talks bad about them behind their backs. Oh yes, I have heard it Spaz. The boys have heard it. And it will stop soon, as a champion worthy of EWT will be crowned. A man who cares about his fans.
Mike Ragnal: Tri-State Champion...you may think you're high & mighty, my friend. But soon, real soon...you will see that cheating gets you nowhere.
And Merc...oh yes, Merc. I heard your words. But remember, you may or may not have a job after this week when you have Joe One in the Blue Collared Match. You also forget Merc, you challenge me? You challenge the boss? That's funny, because I have faced nothing but the best in the past. I have wrestled. I have done my fair share of things. You want proof? Ask psychoapeguy. He's been in the ring with me. Ask 8Syxx. He's been in the ring with me. Ask Double D...you guessed it. In the ring. So Merc, think twice about your challenge.
EWT is coming back to where it belongs folks...and it's coming back to ME. For you.
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Deamon Cohln
Don Corleone
AND THAT'S THE GODDAMN TRUTH!
Posts: 1,962
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Aug 29, 2006 0:42:13 GMT -5
INSANITY. LONELYNESS. SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH. I left before. But if I return. Will I be as powerful. Will I be as infulent. Will I still be able to make the impact that everyone knows I can make? What will happen? What will I become? So many questions. So few answers. Some answers may never come. But alas, the return is set. The truth is drawn. I'll be back. And that's the goddamn truth.
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Aug 29, 2006 3:34:42 GMT -5
(The oh-so sweet and lovely, Maria is shown backstage, staring blankly into the camera)
Cameraman: "Maria, we're rolling!"
Maria: "Rolling? Okay..."
(Maria gets on the ground and begins to roll around, giggling while doing so)
Cameraman: "No, you dunderhead! I mean the camera is on! WE'RE LIVE!"
Maria: "Ohhhhhhh!"
(Maria stands up, looks into the camera and smiles)
Maria: "A few days ago, Spyke Johannson defeated Joe Ragnal for the Toolshed Title at my personal favorite restauraunt, Chuck E Cheeses! I have the privlige of talking with the NEW Toolshed Champion, Spyke Johannson!"
(Maria turns to her right, to talk to Spyke, but Spyke walks on camera from her left, the Toolshed Title is slung over his right shoulder.)
Maria: "Where's Spyke?"
Spyke: "I'm right here."
Maria: "I can hear you, but I can't see you!"
Spyke: "Heh, that's cute. I'm behind you."
Maria: "Oh! Okay! Ummm. Let's see here... oh! How does it feel to be the new EWT Toolshed Champion?"
Spyke: "Maria, I can't even begin to describe this feeling! This is easily the biggest achievement of my career... so far. You see, what Spaz said earlier is true. This IS the year of up-and-comers like me. One day, I'd like to go for that World Heavyweight Championship. But that's in the future. Now, I want to concentrate on defending this (pats the title).
Maria: "Sounds like you have everything all planned out! But, what about your manager, Rachael Leigh Cook? You did what she wanted you to do. By winning that title, she gets a big pay raise."
Spyke: "Yes, yes. I knew this would come up eventually. I actually have never looked at that particular contract... until today. I found something interesting in it, that Rachael may want to know about, and I guarentee she's not gonna like it! But I tell ya, when I found out about this, I was dancin' all around my house!"
Maria: "Wow! Sounds good! Ummm, what is it?"
Spyke: "Trust me, Miss Cutie-patootie... you, and these fans, AND Rachael, will find out, when I go out to that ring before my match with the Big Show!"
(With that, Spyke dances across the view of the camera and walks off)
Maria: "Well, it looks like our new Toolshed Champion is in high spirits tonight! Whatever he found in that contract sure is good news!"
(Maria turns and looks off-camera with the look of admiration in her eyes. Uh-oh. Fade to commercial for EWT Breakfast Cereals)
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