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Post by Toom E. Guci on Jul 18, 2006 12:19:15 GMT -5
*A video package is shown, featuring highlites from the previous 2. EWT Hall of Fame'rs are shown. And thw rods scroll across the screen*
[/move]
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Jul 18, 2006 12:19:54 GMT -5
Spyke is shown in the backstage parking lot, dancing. Spyke spins on the ground. It appears as if he is celebrating something. Rachael Leigh Cook approaches him.
RLC: Haven't seen you do that in a while.
Spyke: Oh, Rachael, I'm just in a good mood!
RLC: Why? You lost your match at Saturday Night Special. You failed to capture gold. WHY ARE YOU HAPPY?
Spyke: I just got off the phone with Chuck Helton, Manager of the local Chuck E Cheese.
RLC: Chuck E Cheese?! Is somebody's birthday coming up?!
Spyke: No, it's nobody's birthday. I just booked the place for my Toolshed Title Match with Joe Ragnal at the next PPV. Joe is all about FUN, so I figure, where can you have more fun, than a Chuck E Cheese? I just gotta find out if Joe accepts.
RLC: So that's why you are all happy and dancing? Because you get to fight Joe Ragnal at a Chuck E Cheese?
Spyke: ...yeah.
RLC: Wow. Just wow. I wonder if Spaz needs a manager?
Spyke: Hey, come on now, what's been going on with you lately? You've been very hostile as of late.
RLC: Yeah, because we keep losing important matches. I'm surprised that you aren't as mad as I am.
Spyke: Hey, I have won plenty of matches!
RLC: Yeah, sure you can beat Mark Henry on regular TV, big whoop! But on Pay-Per-View, you suck!
Spyke: OK, I don't have the best track record on PPV, but I did secure a victory for Gen. Tech. in that Elimination Match against the PTA!
RLC: Yeah, and then you lost your subsequent title match against Spaz!
Spyke: Oh, so this is all about the fact that I haven't captured any gold? What about you? You lost your title match too!
RLC: Well... uhh... I'm just a rookie! You have been doing this way longer than I have! I have room for error! You should have captured a title by now.
Spyke: OK, OK! I will win the Toolshed Title at the next PPV.
RLC: And if you don't, I'm gonna be looking for someone else to manage.
(RLC walks away. Spyke is stunned, but still slightly dancing.)
Spyke: ...damn...
(Fade to commercial for Chuck E Cheese. EWT Superstars get 8 free game tokens with purchase of a small pizza and a drink!)
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Post by teamireland on Jul 18, 2006 16:39:07 GMT -5
*Team Ireland are returning to the EWT Arena following their lengthy celebration of their victory at Saturday Night Special (bar Sean McCann who has taken time off & is on a course of medication, so, y'know, he couldn't go out drinking anyway). Liam O'Neill is noticably drunk. Coach O'Hare pulls the other 3 members together & they stand in a line with their arms around eachother.* O'Hare: Well done, lads, well done! Liam, Shane: I'm proud of the pair of ye! It should be a while before The Nyrds begin messing with us again, eh? O'Neill: Whaffasniffafoo*mumbles incoherently*badgers. O'Hare: Ummm, yeah. Anyway, that's problem number one out of the way. Our first PPV match, our first PPV victory. We're managing to establish quite a reputation 'round here & the next thing on our agenda is the following: GOLD! O'Neill, Malone & Donnelly (in unison): GOLD! O'Hare: I don't care what you set out to get! We can aim for the Tag-Team Titles, the Toolshed Championship, The Ox Division Belt, the Tri-State Strap or even the EWT World Title itself! Anyone is fair game lads! Crap-a-Mania III is approaching. The biggest show in the EWT calendar! We need to make an impact like no team before us! We'll show them all... what?
O'Neill, Malone & Donnelly (in unison, again!): YOU WILL NEVER BEAT THE IRISH!
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Post by jester on Jul 18, 2006 17:21:30 GMT -5
.:. The cameras fade in backstage showing EMTs surrounding a stretcher-in-motion, being wheeled towards a bright clean ambulance. The camera man steps forward to see who is on the stretcher, and it's revealed to be a bloody Ox-Division Champion, Koda Kazar. Suddenly, the man responsible for his blood spilled walks up to the protests of the EMTs. JCJ pushes a EMT out of the way quite forcefully, and has the Ox-Division belt on his shoulder. .:.
JCJ: Hey, Koda. You forgot this back there. If I were the champion, like I will be after Crap-A-Mania III, I'd take alot better care of my belt. Seems like in our fallout from AWA, you've lost your honor. You've become a pitiful shell of your former self. What was it you said earlier? "I never give up a title unless I am pushed beyond my limits." Well, I guess I should give you fair warning now, "Ask and You Shall Recieve."
.:. JCJ finishes the omnious speech and tosses the EWT Ox-Division Belt into the back of the ambulance, then looks on as the EMTs proceed to load Koda Kazard up into the ambulance. The last EMT crawls into the back and shuts one door, and goes to shut the other. Suddenly, JCJ, in a violent fit of rage, kicks the door closed hard, echoing it off the EMT's head. JCJ walks away with an intense look on his face. .:.
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Ratings
Dennis Stamp
Has a box of scraps
"YAY!"
Posts: 4,236
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Post by Ratings on Jul 18, 2006 19:36:19 GMT -5
RATINGS: "Merc, let it be known that if it weren't for Toom E, if it weren't for your blatant low blow, if it weren't for the fact that 24 hours before our match, I was fighting in GWE in a violent battle royal -- which I would have won if I wanted too; I would have defeated you again. But you know what, win or lose, I'm done with you. You've been nothing but a distraction from my destiny: to be the greatest wrestler that has ever stepped into the ring and PROVE that this world belongs to elitists like myself. Chance Confidence had his--pardon the pun--CHANCE, and he came up short. But not me, oh no. Not the Palm Spring Playboy. Not the "It" Athlete. NOT THE GREATEST WRESTLER OF YESTERDAY, TODAY & TOMORROW! I will be EWT Champion soon... and whoever that champion will be at that time, will go down in the history as the man who passed the torch down to me; a torch that will burn an eternal flame that will represent my dominance in this sport that needs people like me.
*Ratings' cellphone begins to ring. He sighs in frustration and answers it*
RATINGS: "What is it!? I'm filming a promo here--Oh, it's you. I knew you would call back. (pause) "So you've considered my offer? (pause) "Well, it's not that easy. You're going to have prove yourself to me... You're going to have to prove yourself to us."
(Ratings walks away, still talking into the phone)
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Jul 18, 2006 20:13:13 GMT -5
*Joe Ragnal is backstage, Toolshed title over his shoulder, signing autographs to some of the girls back there. One girl in particular talks to him.*
GIRL: Hi, can you sign this?
*She holds out a Joe Ragnal 8x10.*
JOE: Sure, who do you want this signed out...to...Flora?
*Yep. It's former EWT Harlot Hunt hopeful Flora.*
FLORA: Yep, it's me.
JOE: Ah, geez...shouldn't you be, yanno, GROUNDED or something?
FLORA: I was. For almost six months.
JOE: Geez, if you were my kid, I woulda locked you away in your room.
FLORA: They did. And I found a way out.
JOE: Fer the luvva...Flora, why do you keep coming here?
FLORA: Isn't it obvious? I want to be in EWT.
JOE: No offense, but you're...wuzzat word...oh yeah, a MINOR?
FLORA: I can forge my documents!
JOE: Yeah, and end up bloodier than the Mass Transit.
FLORA: C'mon, I can-
*A stage hand walks by, and Joe thanks the lord as he spots him.*
JOE: Hey, you!
*He hands the guy a piece of paper.*
JOE: You call that number, talk to the guy in charge of Chuck E. Cheese, then talk to Spyke, and tell them...Chuck E. Cheese is gonna be a lot more FUN.
*Flora jumps around in glee.*
JOE: Whoa, what's wrong with YOU?!
FLORA: I'm having a birthday party there!
JOE: And you're what, fourteen?
FLORA: I'll be fifteen soon! But isn't this great? I get to see a wrestling match on my birthday!
*Flora hugs Joe, and then walks off. Joe just stares.*
JOE:...Why me? Huh? Why? Oh, sure, Mike had Carl Guerrero and Psychoapeguy, Linda had Chrysta, but why do I have to get the underage chick?!
*He tosses the title onto his shoulder, and walks off.*
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Post by Superior Dragon on Jul 18, 2006 23:03:17 GMT -5
"Fury Of The Storm" by Shadows Fall hits as Rated X walks down to the ring to cheers from the fans. Chad slides into the ring as Bolt grabs three chairs and tosses them into the ring before sliding in. Chad grabs the mike....
Chad: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following promo will be Rated X. So parents, put the little kiddies to bed, because now we're about to speak.
Bolt: Now, we've heard the news that a little Post Per View is coming up. The Blandest Stage of 'Em All, Crap-A-Mania III. Now, we came just a little bit late last year, but this year we intend to compete.
Chad: And not a damn soul can't say that we don't deserve to go there. Bolt is a former OX Champ, and I engaged in a great feud with the big man Virus. We fought the Cohlns, faught each other, and dammit if what we did doesn't earn us a place on the card.
Bolt: So what we decided to do was issue a challenge to ANY team in the back. Nyrds, HBMS, Team Ireland, BK3K, Connection, The Three Stooges, it simply doesn't matter!! Because we intend to go in winners, and come out legends.
Chad: So any team that wants to fight us, speak up. Until then.....
Chad and Bolt pull out spray cans and tag the three chairs. Chad and Bolt then toss the cans outside and give the RX chop (DX chop) before talking again.
Chad: Now, all you got to do is follow our instructions, and we'll see you at Crap-A-Mania"
"Fury Of The Storm" hits once again as Chad and Bolt walk out as we zoom in to the chairs...
"Accept" "or" "Deny"
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Jul 19, 2006 6:04:06 GMT -5
*Spaz is standing backstage with the title over his shoulder. He is visibly excited.*
S: Crap-a-mania is coming & I will be in the main event! I will be defending the EWT World Heavyweight Championship at the greatest event in this company. I was there when Crap-a-mania was born & I cann't wait to showcase my ability once again at Crap-a-mania. Cometh the hour, Cometh the man. I am that man & at Crap-a-mania I will show everyone what I am truly made of.
*Cut To Promo for Sat. Night Special replay*
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Post by Gasoline: Gen. Tech Member on Jul 19, 2006 10:07:10 GMT -5
*Gas is watching the announcement for Crap-a-mania*
Gas: Excellent. What better place to win the EWT World title than the blandest stage of them all? Spaz, ol' buddy, I hope you were paying attention to what I had to say last week. And I hope you make the right decision...OR ELSE.
*Gas walks off as we cut to the next segment*
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Post by chanceconfidence on Jul 19, 2006 14:48:59 GMT -5
Chance Confidence is seen entering the EWT Arena... looking rather disgruntled. He heads inside the building, as Ace Reporter and guy everybody pretty much forgot about, Lean Gene Cummerbund runs up to him.
Gene: Mr Confidence! Mr Confidence!
Chance stops, quickly turning around.
Chance: What is it you swine?
He glares a bit... as Cummerbund backs up a bit.
Gene: Well... sorry Mr. Confidence... but I was just hoping for a Post Saturday Night Special Interview.
Chance looks at Gene again and sighs a bit.
Chance: Very well you tub of goo... I suppose I can spare a few seconds.
Gene: Alright then. Let's see... you went out there at Saturday Night Special and give it your best effort... you almost become the new EWT Champion... you almost had everything, but in the end you just couldn't secure the victory. Tell me Mr. Confidence, how do you feel having come so close yet so far?
Chance growls a bit... punches the fatty Cummerbund right in the gut, sending him hunched over to the ground.
Chance: HOW DO I FEEL?! Well... tell me how you felt after that... it's pretty much the same feeling. At Saturday Night Special... I lost it's true. But I came closer than any man has ever to that belt. I hit him with everything I had, but in the end... Spazzy got lucky. Rest assured, next time we face off... YOU will be the one on the losing end! And not even crying on the shoulder of your little Generation Tech pals will be able to comfort ya.
Cummerbund groans a bit, struggling back up.
Gene: So then... what does the future hold for Chance Confidence then?
Chance thinks for a bit... and smirks.
Chance: Well you obese hippo, simply put... Chance isn't going to let this little... FLUKE of a loss keep him down. Chance is going to continue his quest for the gold! I'm a former Tri-State Champion... I won it in my first few months of competition! Can anyone say that?! Other than that Delta fellow... but he won that title in a battle royal. Whoop De Doo! Anybody can win a belt in a battle royal. But now that I think about it... I wouldn't mind adding... Ox Division Champion to my resume. Even if I'd be holding a belt named after some smelly creature with horns... but hey, gold is gold right?
Gene: Ummm... yep. I guess so. One last question Chance...
Chance: ... Nah.
Chance instead kicks Gene right in the face and strolls off, leaving Cummerbund in a heap.
Fade to a Video Package for Team Ireland
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Jul 20, 2006 9:54:40 GMT -5
*Todd Grisham is backstage with Mike Ragnal.*
TODD: Mike, it's been announced that Crapamania 3 will be upcoming soon on August 27th. And chances are that you'll finally be able to face Bret Michaels for his Tri-State title. Any thoughts?
MIKE: Huh, that soon already, is it? Seems like only a month ago the last one occurred. Still, this'll be good. Last year, if you recall, I lost out to the guy known as Carl Guerrero. This year, however, I'll be able to redeem that loss this year. And what better way than to win the Tri-State title on the blandest stage of them all?
TODD: Well, you have been waiting months for this, after all. I'm sure that you're excited.
MIKE: Excited, Todd? Nah, I'm not excited. For lack of a better term, I'm ECSTATIC! This match has been waited on for MONTHS and MONTHS on end! This match should have happened at Kingdom of Hurt, but instead, I ended up in a car accident! The worst luck I ever had, Todd, was being stuck in the hospital for weeks! But now...that's all changed. Now is the time to leave my mark in EWT. Now is the time, Bret, for you and I to have a match to remember. And then...you'll remember the name of the man that took you out on the Big brother of them all!
And the name will forever! Be! RAGNAL!
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Post by Poker Joker on Jul 20, 2006 13:52:01 GMT -5
Intro music: "WEEEEEEEEEELLLL.......IT'S THE BIG SHOW!"
(We come back from commercial and the next match is about to get underway. Big Show comes out from the back and stands at the top of the apron and raises his hand up in that oh so familiar gesture like he's gonna choke slam somebody. After all of that exertion he bends over trying to catch his breath. He slowly slumps over onto the ramp as EMT's come out from the back and try to administer some oxygen. Big Show lays in a heap on the top of the ramp completely winded while his lame ass music plays on when suddenly.........
Static.............
Theme song..........
Two silhouetted figures sitting in chairs..............
The lights come up to see Billy and Ultimo in their familiar positions as the hosts of "The Handsome Boy Modeling School Scouting Report" but this time it looks different. Hoo boy, they don't look so good. Both guys are unshaven, unshowered, un-everything that is handsome boy. UC is slouching in his chair with his grisly face resting on his arm with two big dark circles under his eyes. Billy, who looks like he's been sleeping in his clothes all week, gives his partner the skunk eye, shakes his head, and addresses all the people at home.)
Billy: "Hello..........once again............to the...........Hacksaw Bob Mafia Glue.......Something something blah blah blah. Who gives a..........whatever. With me, as always, is ol' whatsis face. Say hello to the people at home."
(UC belches)
Billy: "Fantastic. As you all know by now, The Prophecy Reborn are the new tag team champions. Now, why do you suppose that is? Good question. Ultimo, do you have an answer?"
UC: "*BEEP!* you."
Billy: "I think that spoke volumes, folks. Be that as it may, we have a show to do, so let's pretend that last Saturday didn't happen and we're the rightful champions, as we should be, and we're so happy we could throw up! On with the show. Ultimo, who's the subject for this week's blood letting, like I care."
UC: "This week's human brown eye is someone who I've been meaning to grill for quite some time. He's been a bur in my britches for way too long and I'm going to give him the business right now! So without any further ado, this week's subject on the Scouting Report, is that no good sack of monkey spewtum..................Billy Ubermark!"
Billy: "Fine. What do you have on.............(suddenly springs to life).......wait a minute...........me? You're subject is me? What the hell are you doing you moron?"
UC: "Hey! Hey! I'm about to educate the nitwits at home so I'd appreciate it if you shut your filthy clam! Anyway, I did some research on ol' Billy Uberdork, and you wouldn't believe what I found!"
(UC turns in his chair and faces a big screen, slide projector remote in his hand. He clicks the remote and the first screen is a slide of a little baby in a basket on someone's doorstep.)
UC: "Billy Jerk Ass wasn't so much as born as he was plopped out of the womb. But he wasn't your typical baby. Oh no. His parents, like the offspring they were cursed with, were virgins. That's right. His parents never did the horizontal monster mash. Not once, ever. They never even kissed! Crap, they were in their thirties and they still believed in the stork! There has only ever been one other occurrence of a spontaneous birth happening but I'm not allowed to talk about it or a certain group of people will get all uppity. But unlike that other case, Billy was just one of nature's cruel jokes. His parents, hoping no one would catch wind of this abomination, dropped him off on the front steps of Whitman's Fish Jarring Plant, where he would spend his formative days."
Billy: "Do you think this is funny? What the hell has gotten into you?"
UC: "Shut up. The professor is talking."
(*click* The next slide shows a nine year old boy with a squid on his head.)
UC: "Here we see young Billy hard at work shoving various sea creatures into jars for nine cents an hour. As you can see, he was no good at it. No good at all. Kind of a foreshadowing for his future wrestling career. He tries, but fails, and goes to bed smelling of halibut."
Billy: "You've lost your damn mind."
UC: "Hold up. I'm getting to the good part. So onward we go into the future. Billy, a zit infested teenager at this point, is about to go to his junior prom. There, he meets the woman who will change his life and shape his romantic future for the rest of his wretched days."
(*click* the next slide shows a hand with lipstick on it.)
UC: "Meet Rosie Palms! Wow! What a looker! Billy was in love. The whole night he stayed up with her, forcing his lame come ons onto her, and trying to get her drunk enough that she'd give him a............"
(Suddenly Billy raises up and knocks the slide projector over, sending it into the wall and shattering it into pieces. Billy spins UC around in his chair and gets all up in his grill. Uh oh.)
Billy: "What the hell is this crap? Do you think this is funny? Do you think I'm some sort of putz? What is the matter with you?"
(UC stands up and gets defensive. The air just got real heavy in here all of a sudden.)
UC: "What? I thought the people at home deserved to have a good close look at the yo yo I've had to put up with the last seven months!"
Billy: "I'm the yo yo? You, of all people, are calling me a yo yo!"
UC: "Well, yeah! It's no big secret that I was the heavy of the group! Who is it, do you think, the crowd came to see? You? Some scrawny mid carder who couldn't get laid in a morgue? Hell no! They came to see me! The King Choculon, mu*BEEP!*ah! I'm the biggest thing to ever hit the EWT! I'm the future of wrestling as we know it! I'm the biggest star to hit any wrestling ring in any fed in any country on any planet! All you ever did was leech of my excess charisma like the parasite you are!"
Billy: "Hold it! Hold it right there! Who's the guy who lost the belts? Who's the guy who got hit with The Oracle? Who's the guy who got pinned one, two, three? According to the people who saw the match, which is everyone, it was you! You're the one who cost us the belts!"
UC: "Of course! I was exhausted after having to carry your virgin ass all this time!"
Billy: "Carry me? Carry me?! Of all the....... That's it! That's the last straw! You know, for the longest time I just kept my mouth shut but now, now you've gone too far! Do you want to know the only reason why I agreed to tag with you? Do you? It's because Moniqua said that you could get me some action with the ladies! That's it! That's the only reason! What other reason in the world would there be for me to tag with a load like you? There is none! I'm the greatest Tri State champion this company has ever had! I was on my way to becoming the top contender for the World Title! I've beaten the biggest names this fed has ever had! What have you done? The Toolshed Title? So what? You hit people over the head with blunt objects when they weren't looking! So what! Any fool can do that, and so he did! And that chunk of cardboard you carried around? Don't get me started! The guys in the back are STILL laughing about that! Do I need to mention your win/loss record? Who have you beat? Paul Podanski? Yeah, but he beat you when it matterd! Joe Ragnal? Hell, even the Arizona Cardinals manage to eek out a surprise win every so often! But that's it! You've been beat by practically every guy on the roster! Everyone else has kicked your ass from here to Switzerland! But, against my better judgment, I agreed to tag with you! I agreed to lug you along like the albatross that you are, take you to the top of the rankings, hoping that maybe, maybe, you could get me laid! But you haven't! You've kept all the action to yourself! And here I am, still a virgin, and stuck with a partner who's nothing more than a........."
UC: (getting deathly serious) "Don't say it, half pint."
Billy: "Jobber!"
(Suddenly UC decks Billy across the bridge of the nose and down he goes. UC jumps on top of him and they both start wailing on each other. Some stage hands try to intervene but they just get clocked with errant fists and elbows. UC stands and grabs a chair. He's about to hit Billy with it when Billy kicks him right in the cash and prizes. UC hunches over and Billy goes back to punching him. More stage hands come on the scene but they too get nailed. UC grabs Billy by the scruff of his collar and pounds away. Billy, not letting UC get the upperhand, continues his assault. Finally, led by Sgt. Slaughter, some security come onto the scene and break the two up. They manage to drag Billy away, who's kicking and screaming the whole time. UC stands up sporting a bloody nose and is raging pissed. As Billy is dragged out of the studio, UC gets the final word.)
UC: "Jobber, huh? You want to play like that? Fine! I'm going to do to you what you do to your johnson every night, virgin! Beat you raw! If you want a piece of the King Choculon, then step up, *BEEP!* I'll *BEEP!* you up next week, you *BEEP!*ing *BEEP!* *BEEP!* if you got the *BEEP!* I'm the real *BEEP!*ing handsome boy! Not you! Next week, *BEEP!* I got you're number!"
(As Ultimo Chocula continues his barrage on Billy Ubermark, the screen quickly cuts to a commercial!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(A woman is standing in front of the stove with her arms folded. She stares up at the ceiling as though thinking REALLY hard.) *WOMAN* (to herself, since there's nobody else on the screen): I wonder what I should make for dinner?
(A little, white, cartoon hand suddenly appears on the screen beside her.)
*HAND*: Maybe I can help!
*WOMAN* (to the hand): Really?
*HAND*: Sure! Just get some hamburger and add my special Hamburger Helper Tex-Mex mix to it!
(We cut to a shot of the hamburger being cooked with the mix now added)
*HAND*: ....Then cook for 10 minutes......
(We go back to a shot of the woman and the hand. She's now holding a plate of freshly cooked hamburgers.)
*HAND*: .... And presto! Hamburgers that ANYBODY will love!
*WIFE*: Wow! And just in time, too! Here comes my husband!
(The woman's husband walks into the picture. She turns to him with the plate of burgers in her hands.)
*WIFE* (smiling): Look what's for supper, honey!
(The husband looks down at the plate of burgers and gives an audible groan.)
*HUSBAND*: Ah, Jeez! Hamburgers, again?! We've had them three nights in a row. Can't you make something different, for once?
*WIFE* (forcing herself to keep smiling): You want something different?
(The wife throws the plate of burgers on the floor. The plate can be heard shattering on the ground.)
*WIFE* (no longer smiling): THERE! Try eating them off the floor!
*HUSBAND* (angry): Oh! THAT was really mature!
*WIFE* (angry): Mature? You want MATURE?! How MATURE is it for you to come in here and ridicule my cooking!
*HUSBAND* (pointing at the floor): COOKING! You call that COOKING?!
*WIFE* (getting in her husband's face): I slaved my ass off over a hot stove for the past hour for you! So, YEAH! I call that cooking!
*HAND* (obviously emberassed, and trying to calm the situation): Uh.... actually it was only 10 minutes.
*WIFE* (turning quickly to the hand): YOU KEEP OUT OF THIS!
*HUSBAND*: OH! Now you're lying to me, too! That's great!
*WIFE* (turning back to husband): Don't you DARE accuse me of lying, you selfish PRICK! I know all about those nights where you tell me you're staying at the office late, but what you're REALLY doing is going out to the bar with the boys from your bowling team!
*HUSBAND*: Whatever! You're the last one to talk! I've seen those credit card receipts you've been hiding in your sock drawer! No wonder we went through the money from my last bonus so fast! What did you do? Buy out "Old Navy?"
*WIFE* (through her teeth): You can go to hell!
*HUSBAND*: Oh! Great come back, honey! If that's all you can come back with, then no wonder all you can cook is hamburgers every (BLEEP)ing night!
*WIFE*: Why don't you just admit it! This has NOTHING to do with my shopping habits or my cooking! This is all about the sex, isn't it?
*HUSBAND* (rolling his eyes): Well, maybe it would be IF WE ACTUALLY HAD SEX ONCE IN A WHILE!
*WIFE* (in a snide tone): Well, maybe we WOULD have sex, once in a while, IF IT WAS ANY GOOD!
(The hand, who has been watching all of this with a horrified expression on his face, suddenly gets really big eyes, and starts to excuse himself.)
*HAND* (emberassed): Um... I think I'm just giong to leave. Yeah... that's what I'm going to do.
(The hand starts making its way out of the picture as the couple, now oblivious to his presence, continues to argue.)
*HUSBAND* (shocked): SCREW YOU! I'm GREAT in bed! You've said it yourself!
*WIFE*: Its called "FAKING AN ORGASM," you pig! What? You think grabbing my ass once or twice and a couple kisses on my nipples during sex is all its going to take to get me off?! Don't be retarded!
*HUSBAND*: Oh, excuse me! Maybe if you weren't as friged as the South Pole, we wouldn't have this kind of problem!
*WIFE* (starting to bawl): Don't you DARE call me frigid, you heartless son of a (BLEEP)!
(We suddenly cut away from the arguing couple to a blank screen with a picture of the Hamburger Helper box. The sound of the two bickering can still be heard in the background, however)
*OFF-SCREEN ANNOUNCER* (over the voices of the bickering couple): Hamburger Helper! Garunteed to help make your hamberger into a great meal! Too bad it won't do something similar for your marriage.
*VOICE OF WIFE IN BACKGROUND* (screaming): THAT DOES IT! I'm going to my mother's!
*VOICE OF HUSBAND IN BACKGROUND* (screaming): That's it! Run away from your problems! Just like always!
(The voices fade out, and the screen fades to black. When the screen comes back to life, we're on the set for the H.B.M.S.'s show, but it looks like its been totally destroyed in a brawl. Garbage has been thrown everywhere. A broken table lays in the middle of the floor. And both chairs have been tipped over. Neither Ultimo Chocula nor Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark can be seen or heard. The silent sceen soon fades to black, again.)
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Jul 20, 2006 14:42:38 GMT -5
(Sum Guy is standing by with Great Hugo.)
Sum Guy: Hello folks, I'm Sum Guy and I feel pretty in pink. I'm here with EWT newcomer Great Hugo. Last time we saw you, you were involved in the Bunkhouse Brawl match at Saturday Night Special for the Toolshed Title. What does having a title match in only your first month in EWT mean to you?
Great Hugo: It doesn't matter that it was a ten-man match for the most worthless title in EWT history. All gold is sacred to me, and when I win gold in EWT, I will defend it with pride and honor.
Sum Guy: Heiden-Dorf seemed to get the best of you again in this match, as you were eliminated simultaneously midway through. Do you have any plans for him?
Great Hugo: I have been thinking about what to do with Heiden-Dorf ever since he and Dorf attacked me after the match two weeks ago. I take care of my business in the ring. Heiden-Dorf, you've got your partner, I'll get one of my own, and we'll have ourselves a tag team match. No weapons, no gimmicks, just straight-up wrestling. I've tangled with technical masters, seven-foot giants, cruiserweights, and powerhouses. I'm sure I can handle a Heiden-Dorf.
Sum Guy: Well, there you have it, Great Hugo calling out the Dorfs for a tag team match. When he finds a tag partner, this match will be boked, and I know we're all looking forward to it. I'm Sum Guy and I've run out of funny things to say.
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Post by Banned Member on Jul 20, 2006 17:54:37 GMT -5
*Merc is in the locker room when Sum Guy comes in.*
SG: Hi I'm Sum Guy, and I like to wank with
Merc: Shut up!!! Just shut up!!!
SG: Yes sir, but what the hell is your problem.
Merc: Well it seems Crap-O-Mania good ol Merc has no match. No segment . No nothing, and we find that funny seeing as how we put our body though hell at Saturday Night Special!! We should be in line for a title shot at any title, but no instead were stuck in a position where we have no clue what Toom expects of us.
*Merc's voice all of a sudden changes to the Outlaw:
OL: Well Merc ol buddy that's cause your what many in EWT consider a waste of time!
*Voice Change*
Merc: What the hell I though we were one!
OL: Oh we were until I realized that your a loser!
Merc: Now wait just a damn minute! I have won two titles, and a HIAC match this past week! How the hell am I a loser!?
OL: Cause no one in this company respects you, but yet they want some from you!
Merc: No that's not true! I made an open challenge to all of EWT.!
OL: Ya, and you trashed everyone in the process. Now your nothing more then a curtin Jerker. Least when I was around we were higher up the card! You are nothing more then a joke!!
Merc: No I'M NOT!!!
*Merc throws a chair, and the scene goes to to black, and then the technical difficulties screen*
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Post by Joel, Mike, Currently...? on Jul 20, 2006 20:20:58 GMT -5
Joel and Mike make their way into the arena. Sum Guy stops them.
Sum Guy: Ladies and Gentlemen, it's the Nyrds!
Mike pounces on Sum Guy and takes his microphone.
Mike: Coach O'Hare, Keiko didn't come today because you damn near cracked her skull when you pushed her into the guard rail. That, and the fact that you beat us, is unforgivable.
Joel: Coach, as it turns out, you don't like to play fair, so I think we oughtta do something where the rules don't matter much.
Mike: That's why we challenge ANYONE in Team Ireland to...a Nintendo Power match. All weapsons are legal...as long as they have something to do with video games.
Sum Guy: That's really stupid.
Keiko walks into frame.
Sum Guy: I thought you said her skull was fractured.
Mike: Well...not really, we were just kind of going for a dramatic effect.
Joel: Yeah. Way to ruin it, Sum Guy!
Sum: ME! But Keiko's the one who...
Joel: So, Team Ireland! Do you accept? Do ya'? Huh? C'mon, I know you can hear me!
Mike tosses the microphone in a way that it hits Sum Guy in the head. The Nyrds and Keiko walk off, and are probably going to prepare themselves for their next match.
Sum: I'm Sum Guy, and...wow, that was stupid.
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Post by HMARK Center on Jul 20, 2006 20:34:05 GMT -5
<Gary Michael Capetta is seen walking through the back hallways of the EWT Arena, looking for an interview>
GMC: Hey there, EWT fans, as you can see, we are now officially on the Road to Crapamania, and I'm going to see if I can find anyone with some thoughts on the-...hey, jackpot! It's newly crowned co-holder of the EWT Tag Team Titles, HitmanMark, along with newly returned PR member Auraelia!
HMark, a word, please?
HM: Fire away, GMC, you crafty little snoop, you.
GMC: Well, let's get right to it. The questions are piling up as we head into the "Granduncle of 'em All's-Second Cousin-Twice Removed", Crapamania. With you and Moxie recently winning the Tag gold from the HBMS, what are your plans for this all-important show?
HM: <laughs a bit, turns to Auraelia> Hey, you remember the first Crapamania?
A: Oh yeah! You actually fought Moxie at that one!
HM: Yep. That was the night I really got a feel for his potential. You could easily say that Crapamania was really the birthplace of the Prophecy Reborn, GMC. Write that down in your next book.
GMC: That's all well and good, but...your plans?
HM: Ah, yes, right. <gets a slightly condescending tone> Well, I suppose a lot of that is actually up to the tag teams of the EWT, is it not? We're the champs, and we'll take on all comers...but we're not about to go pickking challengers out of a hat, either. Soon as somebody steps up, I'll let you know.
A: But what about what you told Mox and me?
HM: <stops short> ...I guess there is one thing. I know we just won the Tag Titles; I know it's our responsibility to carry these belts with the utmost dignity, reverence, and confidence that all great champions have.
But I haven't made a secret of it before, and I won't now, either; I'm going to use this moment now to put my name in the running for a World Title shot. If you remember back, I was this close to getting my chance at the TLC Battle Royal...the thing is, as thrilled as I am to be holding Tag Team gold with my partner and compatriot...I still want the title my name is synonymous with back.
<pauses...then suddenly gets more upbeat> Well, whether or not that happens is all up to Spaz, Toom, and the braintrust around here, so best not to dwell on "what if's". Let's go, Aurae, Mox is probably at the bar already, and I'm dyin' for a Sam Adams.
GMC: Wait, is this your belated victory celebration?
<HMark and Auraelia pause, look at each other, look back...and laugh>
A: <wipes tear away> Oh, good one, GMC. Like we waited this long...
HM: I could show you my camera if you like; God, you had to be there for this-
GMC: Um, yeah...that's alright. HitmanMark, everyone. <darts off>
HM: <watches him go> Huh. Buzzkill.
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,390
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Jul 20, 2006 22:20:07 GMT -5
Rated X are in the locker room, watching the latest promo from Merc. As it ends, they turn to each other.
Chad: He's crazy.
Bolt: Yup. No doubt about it.
Chad: Soo.....did anyone accept our challenge?
Bolt: No, but check this out.
Bolt presses a button on the remote and HMark's promo shows up. Chad and Bolt watch intentlyuntil GMC darts off.
Bolt: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
Chad: Yup. Come on, lets head to the ring.
Bolt: Right behind you.................
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,390
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Jul 20, 2006 22:28:54 GMT -5
"Fury Of The Storm" by Shadows Fall hits as Rated X come out to cheers from the fans. Chad and Bolt slide into the ring and grab a mike from Tony Garcya.
Chad: Now, I-
Bolt: *Ahem*
Chad: WE just saw HMark's little promo, and he said, and I quote,
"We're the champs, and we'll take on all comers...but we're not about to go picking challengers out of a hat, either. Soon as somebody steps up, I'll let you know."
Chad: Now, that's an open challenge if I ever heard one.
Bolt: Same here.
Chad: So HMark, Moxie, we challenge you for your tag-titles at the Blandest Stage Of 'Em All, Crap-A-Mania III. And like we said, you can Accept, or Deny. Win if you're lucky, survive if you can.
Bolt: SUCKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Fury Of The Storm" hits as Rated X heads to the back as we......
FADE TO COMMERCIAL
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Post by teamireland on Jul 21, 2006 18:38:37 GMT -5
*Marisol Kaneshall is standing by with Coach O'Hare of Team Ireland* Marisol: Mr. Coach, you heard what The Nyrds had to say regarding your tactics at Saturday Night Special & the challenge they laid out for Crap-A-Mania III. Any thoughts? O'Hare: Well, as I was discussing with the lads earlier, we were going to let The Nyrds off with thet one simple beating last Saturday. But clearly, those idiots are suckers for punishment! So, our quest for championships is put aside for a moment as we turn to Noel & Spike...again. The lads & I were talking it over & we accept this moronic Nintendo match-up, but just remember lads *O'Hare lifts his Tricolour wrapped Hurley into the shot* there was a GAA game released for the PS2 last year, haha.
We thought we showed you last time, Nyrds, but it didn't sink in. This time you will forever remember that YOU WILL NEVER BEAT THE IRISH!
*O'Hare walks off. Marisol looks into the camera vacantly & we cut to the next segment*
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Post by dorf on Jul 22, 2006 11:57:23 GMT -5
*Dorf & Heiden-Dorf arrive at the messageboard and look at it.*
Dorf: Today, this WEEK on EWTs Match...me and Heiden-Dorf here, the self-proclaimed TAG-TEAM, the DORF WORLD ORDER will take on Gasoline and Limey. Are you ready, Heiden-Dorf?
Heiden-Dorf: (grunts) Me...don't know. *chews Cheese Sandwich* Me berry...scared of...Gasoline.
Dorf: Oh come on...I'll be here with ya this week no problem and once they see what a great mother f***ing TAG-TEAM we are, then no doubt we are in line to become contenders of the tag-team titles. WE ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD BY STROM!
Heiden-Dorf: Strom? Me though...storm?
Dorf: No, strom. It's what is says on the cue card. *grabs cue card in front of live audience* See? Back to that world statement.
This is exactly why we are the Dorf World Order and the DwO will do something to EWT what nobody has to date. But this plan won't come into fruition until Crap-a-Mania 3. *evil laughter...DiBiase style occurs from Dorf* HAHAHAHHAHAH!!! *Heiden-Dorf nods, while taking another bit of his Cheese Sandwich*
Heiden-Dorf: And...the biggest pro...ponent, is me...CHEESE SANDWICH! *bites sandwich and throws the sandwich at the camera, as it fades away to Slide Right mode*
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