*The camera shows Jobby looking excited as Axel sits in the lockeroom. Unable to keep his silence, Jobby begins to speak.*
Jobby: Axel, I know you've been feeling down lately. And I also know it's your birthday today so I...
Axel: Jay, whatever you've done just forget it alright?
*Jobby springs up and grabs Axel's arm. Practically dragging him to his feet.*
Jobby: Too late! Come on, let's go to the ring. Come on!
Axel: It's not even my birthday!
Jobby: I think you're just lying to avoid what I have organized!
Axel: Just forget it!
*silence.*
Jobby: But I did so much work for it...
Axel: ...fine...
Jobby: AWESOME! I'll meet you in the ring!
*Jobby dashes out of the door while Axel sighs and puts on his shades to get this over with.*
Axel: Damn...it...Jay...
*Cut to commercial.*
*As we come back, Jobby is in the ring which is covered with balloons, streamers, and confetti. He's practically bouncing with excitement as he lifts the microphone in his hands to his mouth.*
Jobby: And now, the man of the hour... “The Icon” Axel Halaway!!!
*
As Axel steps out, music plays over the speakers. But it's apparent that it's not his theme. He stops and thinks about leaving but Jobby's cheery pointing and waving compels him to continue his descent to his own personal hell (or so he thinks). He enters the ring and walks to Jobby in the center.*
Jobby: And now... THE SPECIAL GUEST ANNOUNCERS FOR THIS SPECIAL EVENT...
*Jobby points at the ramp and Axel is shocked to hear
“Different World” play as TJT arrive in style as usual. The Jaguar driving up on the stage, the sunglasses and jewelry,Terina in her managerial gear, and while Thunder and Jupiter are sporting jeans and t-shirts instead of their wrestling gear, the three make their way down to the ring as usual.* *Thunder and Jupiter slide in, and after Terina sits herself on the apron, the two grab an arm, pulling her up, and hold the gap in the ropes open for her to enter. They walk straight through the ring, Thunder and Jupiter vaulting outside over the ropes, while Terina blows a kiss at Axel and Jobby. She slowly exits, and the three go to the announcing table, each placing a microphone/headset system on their heads.*
Jobby: TJT!
*Axel looks to be utterly bewildered at Jobby. Thunder and Jupiter slide in, and after Terina sits herself on the apron, the two grab an arm, pulling her up, and hold the gap in the ropes open for her to enter. They walk straight through the ring, Thunder and Jupiter vaulting outside over the ropes, while Terina blows a kiss at Axel and Jobby. She slowly exits, and the three go to the announcing table, each placing a microphone/headset system on their heads. Jobby walks over to a techie and gets another mic to give to Axel. Who doesn't wait to voice his opinion about this.*
Axel: WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING HERE?!
Jobby: I thought it would be a good idea.
Axel: WHY?!
Jobby: Because... Perhaps it will end the problems between us.
Axel: Ugh...
Jupiter: Excuse me, is this piece of crap on?!
Thunder: I think so....
Terina: Calm down, Jason. We've been invited to a very "special" celebration. Relax; make yourself feel at home.
*The three laugh.*
Jupiter: Fine. But if there's any fat male strippers here at this shindig, don't say I didn't warn ya. Blech.
Jobby: Now, Axel, would you like to meet your first special guest for your birthday celebration?!
Axel: Yea... Let this farce die quickly...
Jobby: Okay then! Your first guest is someone you know really well! Any guesses?
Axel: That narrows it down... Just bring them out...
Jobby: Alright then! Here is your first guest!
*
“Never Gonna Stop” by Rob Zombie plays as a 5'10” figure walks out from behind the EWT curtain. He looks almost like Axel, except he's slightly older & wiser looking and has a long ponytail.*
Jobby: Your brother, Q Alexander Halaway!
Jupiter: THIS GUY?! Dammit!
Terina: This guy made your jobs a lot harder...
Thunder: Yeah, back in the indies, we used to OWN Axel when we came across him....until his bro started helping him out.
Jupiter: Get him in, let him talk, and get him THE wax OUTTA HERE! I can't stand him! He cost us more than one victory back in the day...
*Q stops to bask in the assorted mark and smark cheers he receives, waves to the crowd and continues to the ring. He enters with the ring with grace and meets his younger brother in the center. Jobby gets another mic and hands it to Q. Q's music stops.*
Jupiter: The day this man dies I will....I will....
Terina: Let's see what he's got to say. He better not give us any shit or...
Q: Do I have to remind you, Axel, of what day exactly is your real birthday?
Axel: Don't look at me, I'm not the one who set this up!
*Pointing at Jobby, who is as always in his wrestling gear. Q gives him a double take and stares back at Axel.*
Q: ...Who is that?
*Axel goes to speak but Jobby cuts him off.*
Jobby: I'm Jobby McJobberston! His tag partner!
*Q looks at Jobby and back at Axel. He then busts a gut.*
Q: WAAHAHAHAAHAHA! This is your tag partner?!
Jupiter: I know! Funny, isn't it?!
Axel: Yeah...
Q: I always called you the young, gay one... But I never figured I was right!
Thunder: BURN!
Axel: You are still way off on that.
Q: My my, how the never mighty have fallen.
Jupiter: I know, right?
Terina: I'm starting to like him more already.
Axel: Laugh it up will ya.
Q: I had no idea that you were apart of a joke tag team.
Axel: I'm not!
Q: Well, at least I know that you guys are undefeated right?
Thunder: Thanks to us, I have a feeling that's gonna be a "no."
*Axel says nothing.*
Q: I'm ashamed, Axel. I retire from the ring, thinking that my tag partner and brother will be able to carry on my legacy. But lo and behold, here you are in EWT... One of the biggest promotions in the world, and you are defacing the Halaway name.
Jupiter: What a sick, twisted fiend! Hahahahahahaha!
Terina: Seriously!
Axel: I...
Q: And worst of all! You were so eager to make it to the top that you didn't even read your contract before signing!
Terina: Luckily, you two guys have me as your manager, and I read that fine print, so--
Axel: But...
Q: Look at this guy.
*Q points at Jobby, who waves excitedly at him.*
Q: HE OUTSMARTED YOU!
Jupiter: Outsmarted by Forrest Gump? That's a damn shame!
Axel: ....
*slight pause*
*Q sighs and rest his hand on his brother's shoulder.*
Q: Cheer up kid. I'm just the welcoming party.
Axel: ...You mean there's more?
Q: Yeah, and they won't be as easy on you as me. Good luck, bro.
Thunder: Uh oh. Warrior come out to plaaaaaaay...
Terina: This will probably end badly for him.
Jupiter: But, when you think about it, that's all good.
*They seem to have a meeting of the minds and Axel understands what Q was trying to do.*
Axel: Thanks, Q...
Jupiter: You're welcome, Mr. Bond! BAWAHAHAHA!
Q: Don't mention it.
*Q hands Jobby the mic, shakes his hand, and walks out of the ring. As he approaches the back of the ramp, he pausing one last time to laugh at Jobby's outfit. He then waves to the crowd and disappears behind the curtain.*
Jobby: Wasn't that great?!
Axel: Not really.
Terina: I don't know, I think it was good. Especially with us!
Thunder: Meltzer would have given it five stars!
Jobby: Are you ready for your next surprise guest?!
Axel: What part of no don't you understand?
Jobby: Well, here's your next guest!
Axel: ...ah....
*
“Karma” by Alicia Keys
blares over the speakers and out walks a blonde woman that just looks like an athlete in very sense of the word. Yet she seems to have quite cheery and energetic attitude, and could be considered attractive. Due to this, she gets cheers by both marks and smarks.*
Terina: Cheers from anyone? What does this hack got that I ain't got?
Thunder: Blonde hair.
Terina: Damn. I knew I should've gone blonde. Oh well, at least she's not one of those yellow pipe cleaner bimbos.
Jobby: Your older sister and co-trainer... KARMA!
Axel: ...S***
*Karma excitedly runs to the ring and enters with a jump into the ring. She runs over and hugs her brother tightly into what looks like a headlock. Axel gasps for air as his older sister constricts it out of him. Jobby is smiling at the family reunion that he has put together for Axel. Karma, noticing Axel's blue face, lets go and he lets out a huge gasp.*
Karma: Whoops, sorry Axy!
Axel: *gasping* It's....fin.....fine....
Jupiter: Ah, family ties. Nothing quite like seeing two bitches in the ring at once! Ah, I crack myself up!
Karma: You're slipping. I remember when I was training you that it took a minute for you too lose all your oxygen. You've gotten soft on me.
*Axel's face shows horror.*
Karma: What's with that face? I'm just saying that you've gotten soft on me.
Jupiter: Blech. Looking at you, my nether regions are feeling kinda soft...
*She rests her arm on his. Axel tenses up with her touch, but after a bit moment he relaxes. In a flash, Axel flies back first into the ground with a loud thud.*
Axel: Ah!
*Thunder and Jupiter begin making whipping sounds.*
Jobby: Wow! Nice move Karma!
Karma: Thanks...Jobby was it?
Thunder: "Hello, my name is Eujob!"
*TJT laughs.*
Jobby: Yep!
*Axel attempts to make it to his feet but Karma rests her foot in his back. The audience begins to laugh as Axel is squirming like a bug under her boot.*
Terina: Ah, good to see this chick's got a handle on her brother.
Karma: So tell me... Axy's won all of his matches, right?
Jupiter: Surely you jest!
*Axel is now frantic in trying to escape.*
Jobby: Well, we lost to Cryme Tyme after he-
*Jobby points at Thunder.*
Thunder: Whuh? Me?
Jobby: Hit Axel with a bottle.
Karma: Oh he did it he?
*Thunder gets up.*
Thunder: YEAH I DID! AND I DID A DAMN GOOD JOB, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF!
*Karma lifts her foot off of Axel and goes to walk to TJT, but then drops an elbow on the rising Axel and grinds it into his back.*
Terina: What a swerve! And back again, this woman humbles her brother. And he deserves every bit of it!
Karma: I'm upset Axy, you can't even recover from a bottle?
Thunder: WHAT? YOU WANT SOME TOO? WELL COME GET SOME!
Axel: Oww!
Karma: Say it.
Axel: No...I'm goo- AHHHH!
*She grabs his arm and twists it into a hammerlock.*
Axel: AHHHHH!!!! OKAY! OKAY!
Karma: I'm not heeeeaaaarrrriiiinnngggg it.
Axel: Axy luvs his big sissy! Axy luvs his big sissy!
Jupiter: Oh dear God. This is like some video of sexual tor--
*She lets go and jumps up.*
Karma: Well it was nice seeing you, brother. But you need more training. Perhaps I should come here and help you get back into ring shape.
*Axel groans on the mat. She reaches down and fluffs his hair*
Karma: Oh and I hear that some certain girl is back...
Jobby: You mean Juri?
*Karma's eyes bug out as all of the color from Axel's face disappears. He quickly rolls to the farthest ropes and pulls himself to his feet.*
Thunder: Uh oh, someone's love shy!
Jupiter: Glad we're not afraid to be with such a groovy chick. Can you imagine if we were lime Axel?
Terina: I'd say one thing to you and you'd turn ghostly.
Karma: Momma said before she left us that I was the guardian of you. And to make sure that no unworthy girl tries to steal your heart. I hope you don't do anything rash, Axy.
Axel: ...I'm not....
Karma: Well, I got to go... For now. Come here and give your big sister a hug.
*He doesn't move. She stomps and snaps her fingers at him. He reluctantly walks over and hugs her. Within seconds he goes flying over her and lands on his back.*
Thunder: Hook, line, and sucker!
Karma: Oh come on, Axy. I can't believe you fell for that!
Jupiter: What a sap!
*She hands the mic back to Jobby, giggles at the heap that was her brother, and leaves the to the ramp, blowing a kiss to everyone before leaving. Axel is slow to rise.*
Jobby: I like her, Axy! Let's invite her over more!
Terina: The way she completely dominated him, I have to learn her secrets.
Thunder: Hell no.
Axel: ...look...can...we...end...this?
Jobby: But I still have the cake here and you have one more person to meet...
*Jobby points a cake that was previously unnoticed in the ring.*
Axel: ....The cake better be Devil's food.
Jobby: I thought you liked Angel's food.
Terina: I do.
Thunder: But that food's named after you. How could you not like it?
Axel: ...Well there goes that.
Jobby: Well, let the last person come out!
Jupiter*sarcastically*: WOOOOO!
*
Some unfamiliar music begins to play, even Jobby is unsure who it is. But the crowd erupts as the newest face (in jeans and a black NNJPW shirt) of EWT jumps the barricade, Juri walks to the ring. Juri reaches the ring and rolls in. Axel doesn't know whether to approach her or to back away, he decides to stand still.*
Jobby: Um... I guess you have two guests.
*Juri walks up and takes the mic from Jobby forcefully. She begins to speak, but pauses to smile at Jobby, then looks at Axel.*
Juri: So.
Axel: ...Hey...Jur-
Juri: Please don't call me by my first name. If you wish to speak to me, use my last name.
Jupiter: OWNED!
Axel: ...kay.
Juri: So how's things going, Mr. Halaway?
Axel: ...crappy.
Thunder: Heheh, maybe for you...
Juri: Well, they didn't have to be that way. But all of these happenings are from your one selfish decision.
Axel: Look, Ju... Sadamoto-san...
Jobby: San?
Axel: It's a Japanese particle.
Jobby: She's Japanese?!
Jupiter: No, Sherlock. No way someone with a Japanese name is Japanese.........yeesh.
Axel: Half.
Jobby: Wow! I didn't know that they could speak such clear English!
Axel: ...She was born here.
Jobby: Wow! What's the other half?
Juri: Stop talking about me as if I'm not here!
Axel: ...Sorry.
Terina: Axel seems to have trouble with the ladies. He's probably a coward in bed, too.
Thunder: Ouch.
Jupiter: Yup, it's official: Axel is whipped even by women he hasn't even touched.
*Juri sighs at his pathetic self and just wants to get this awkward session over with.*
Juri: Look I've crashed your “birthday” party for a couple of reaso-
Jobby: I love the song “Turning Japanese!”
Thunder: Mainly because you do so every day.
*Her patience for Jobby is wearing thin.*
Juri: That's nice. Anyways Mr. Halaway, I have some-
Jobby: Doo mo Arigatoo, Mr. Roboto!
Thunder: Doo mo!....
Jupiter: Doo mo!....
Juri: Shut up will you!
*Jobby looks shocked and quiets down, Axel looks at Juri with a bit of appreciative look.*
Terina: It seems like all us women have clearly have had an advantage tonight...
Juri: Look, let's get a few things straight. First, I didn't come here for you. So just give up that idea right now. I came here because I was tired of being at the top in NNJPW and after the fall of the GND Division, the EWT management was scrambling for female talent.
Terina: Yeah, I'm not fighting in a one-woman division...
Axel: Alright.
Juri: AND SECONDLY, I'm still pissed at you for what you did to me.
*Axel slightly hangs his head. But then gets an sudden thought.*
Axel: I thought you said you didn't come her-
Jobby: What did he do?
Juri: He said that “my career mattered more than our love.”
Thunder: Sensible solution!
Jupiter: Another classy move from a classy guy! HAHA!
Jobby: You did?!
Axel: Yeah, I don't deny it.
Jobby: HOW DARE YOU! WHAT KIND OF MAN DOES THAT TO HIS WIFE TO BE! LEAVING HER FOR HIS OWN CAREER!
*Both Axel and Juri stare at Jobby before Juri interrupts him.*
Juri: What are you talking about?
Jobby: ...Isn't that what you just said?
Terina: Cue Tomko...
Juri: No, he meant MY career mattered more than our love.
Jobby: Ooooooh.
Axel: Look, I know that you hate me for that... But hear me out.
Juri: I'm listening.
Axel: You are a legend in Japan. Here in the states, eople will just see you as a side show attraction.
Terina: I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!
Jupiter: NO WAY THAT ASSHOLE SHOULD SAY THAT ABOUT YOU!
*Juri looks around at the audience.*
Juri: They seem to like me just fine.
Thunder: Should I crack him on the head with a champagne bottle?
Jupiter: Nah, I got dibs on it next time.
Axel: Yeah wel-
Juri: It wasn't your decision to make.
Axel: But...
*Getting in his face*
Juri: I'm not some damsel in distress that needs you to make all my decisions for me.
Axel: ....Why did you run away from me after you lost your mask?
Juri: I wanted to make sure the first time you saw me that I was looking at my best, so it would feel like a knife in the gut. Sweaty and sore is not the way I wanted it to happen.
Thunder: Sounds like post-sex to me.
Axel: Fair enough.
Juri: Oh and don't think I forgot about that line you said to me about almost being beaten by a chick.
Terina*Getting up*: AND IF YOU WEREN'T SO LUCKY, I WOULDDA HAD YOU!
Axel: Oh...crap....
Juri: Well, I'm done. See you around, Mr. Halaway.
*Juri goes to leave.*
Axel: ...Wait.
*She stops.*
Juri: What?
Axel: I'm sorry.
Jupiter: Ooooh brother...
Juri: Sorry won't restore my honor that I lost to you. Because of that, I can't wrestle as Juri Sadamoto. Until my honor's been restored, I'll always be a broken rose. That's why I now have to be BR (Broken Rose) Juri Sadamoto.
Axel: ...how will you restore that honor?
Juri: Oh, I almost forgot about that...
*She puts out a contract from her jean pocket. And hands it to him.*
Thunder: What the...
Axel: What's this?
Juri: A “birthday” present. It's a contract for a deathmatch against me.
Axel: WHAT?!
Terina: Place your bets, gentlemen.
Thunder: Juri.
Jupiter: Juri.
Terina: I also pick Juri.
Juri: It was one of the things I had written into my contract. All you have to do is sign and date it. Oh and win the tag titles before then. Due to your stupid contract clause you can't have “big” singles matches.
Axel: Why the hell should I be in a deathmatch with the girl of my dreams?
*Juri flinches just slightly before continuing.*
Juri: Because until then I won't forgive you for what you did and will not accept you as a friend or anything else.
Terina: Yup, she's tougher than him too.
Jupiter: Should we be suprised at this?
Thunder: Suprised you say? NAW!
Jupiter: I dare you to go yell that you've gotta pee, yo!
Thunder: You wish.
Jupiter: You bet I do.
*Before Axel can respond she drops the mic then rolls out of the ring and jumps back through the crowd. Axel looks scared, lovesick, and depressed all in one. He almost hugs the contract before tucking it in his pocket.*
Jobby: Well...Um...Your last guest!
*Axel says nothing.
But he instantly regrets coming out for this “celebration” as he hears his father's music.*
Jobby: Your father, “The Boxer” Allen Halaway!
Thunder Who booked this crusty old fool?
*A man of fifty walks down the ramp to some cheers by smarks. His eyes focus just on Axel as he walks with a purpose. He reaches the ring and is slow to enter. As he stands, he grabs the fallen mic.*
Allen: So this is my son. 'The Icon', right?
Axel: ...Yes.
Jupiter: WRONG. The answer we were looking for was "The Assclown."
Allen: So it's been three years since you spit on my name and the family promotion to “become a legend in this business”. Are you the Icon that you always wanted to be?
Axel: Ah...Well...You see...
Allen: Out of all my children, you're the one who makes it big in a promotion of size that not even I got to. And yet you're the most worthless & talentless piece of trash that I've ever seen.
Axel: I have two wins...
Allen: You consider those wins? A lucky break and using outside interference to get your “wins”?
*He walks over to the cake and lifts it up. In a flash he throws it in Axel's face.*
Allen: You're no Icon, you're just a walking joke. Worse yet. You're a clown.
Jupiter: TOLD YA!
*Allen Halaway simply walks away without another word and drops the mic on the floor. Jobby looks at Axel happily as Axel wipes off the cake off his shades and face.*
Jobby: So what do you think? Did you love this birthday party?! Wasn't it great?!
Terina: Meh.
Thunder: It could've been better
*Axel doesn't say a word.*
Jobby: Well, do you have something to say to me... A certain two word answer?
Thunder: Dear Lord no.
Terina: No more DX shit. I thought you two took them out a few days ago.
*slight pause*
Axel: No I got three words for ya....
Jupiter: OH HELL NO! NOT 'BIG DICK JOHNSON!'
*He kicks Jobby in the stomach and places him in a Powerbomb position. He then quickly lifts Jobby to his shoulders and turns him into a Cutter, completing an Iconoclast on Jobby. The crowd doesn't know what to make of this. Axel picks up a mic on the ground and leans in to Jobby's face.*
Axel: I hate you.
*Axel drops the mic and walks up the ramp, as TJT take off their headphones and climb in the ring, all carrying microphones. They all stand around the semi-conscious Jobby, and spit in his face*
Terina: You made the right choice, Axel. Don't waste your time with this boob.
Thunder: Seriously. It got too slow at the end. Meltzer be not proud.
*Thunder and Jupiter pick Jobby up by the hair and stand him up.*
Terina: And you just let that bitch trash my abilities.
*Slaps Jobby and kicks him in the groin.*
Jupiter: KISS MY ASS. THIS SHOW SUCKED!
*The trio gets out of the ring and stalks up the ramp as the fans boo and throw garbage at them. The camera slowly fades away.*