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Post by Toom E. Guci on Apr 15, 2007 11:01:04 GMT -5
Greetings folks & welcome to The Road to Crap-a-mania !!!! special. I am your host, Todd Grisham. Crap-a-mania is a time honored tradition here in EWT, having held 3 previous ones with some of the EWT's greats. You see, the finest matches as well as the finest talents from all over, will be a part of EWT history once again. EWT festivities start off on Saturday, May 5th, with a weekend of fun seen before for fans & superstars to interact. Saturday's events, EWT superstars will dine with the fans at Biceps, Bagels, & Beers. This is a chance for fans to meet the superstars during breakfast, as well as a Q&A session. And the EWT fan will get a chance to be a part of EWT history with EWT ASSes, a fan festival as well as autograph signings. Some of the superstars will be out for this, as well. Not to mention EWT mementos for fans to check out, try out, & be a part of. As well as the first time ever, an Interactive Commentator's Booth so fans can call some of the finest matches in EWT Crap-a-mania pasts. And who knows...if we like what we hear, we may hire you. Plus, Saturday, May 5th, we will induct the Class of 2007 into the Hall of Fame. Now, for those of you waiting for the big announcement, the line up for Crap-a-mania !!!! is as follows: Crap-a-mania !!!!
Live From Sesame Place
Sunday, May 6th, 2007
Main Event
EWT Heavyweight Championship
"Remember the Name" Tables match
Mike Ragnal
versus
Joe One
versus
Mike Corral
BR Juri Sadamoto
versus
Synthy Eris
Spaz
versus
Ratings
I Surrender Match
Jack Jupiter
versus
Ultimo Chocula
Stairway to Hell Match
TJT
versus
Rated X
"The Wrestle Posse" Tenacious J & A
versus
The Draugr
Simon Scurvy w/Polly
versus
Mysth w/Ivy
EWT Tri-State Championship
Hardcore Rules
Oceanic
Versus
Virus
EWT Tag Team Championship
TLC Gauntlet
Dorf & ape love
Team Ireland
Nyrds
BK3K
Big & Bad
Cidal Squad
Team Raftshack
Terina
Versus
Ivy
FUN House Match
Joe Ragnal
versus
Chad Michaels
EWT Toolshed Championship
First Ever Concrete Ring Match
Christopher Indigo
Redface Rodgers
Singapore Caine
Aaron Chamblis
Voltigeur
mystery particpant
EWT Ox Division Championship
Extinction Chamber
Cassinova
versus
Crauswell
Steel Cage Match
Rick Raskall
Versus
Marcus Trunk
Koda Kazar
versus
jzbadblood
With Guest Referee
EWT Hall of Famer
Danny Tanner
heidendorf
versus
Curly Long
Guest Referee's
The Wiggles
And in the coming weeks, to prepare for Crap-a-mania !!!!, some of EWT's superstars will appear on various talk shows to help hype the show & bring EWT a step closer to the fans. We have also signed various celebrities to be a part of this showcase. Guest Referee
EWT Hall of Famer
Danny Tanner
Singing America the Beautiful
EWT Hall of Famer
Tim McGraw
&
His Wife
Faith Hill
Guest Time Keeper
for Spaz/Ratings Match
The Starburst Lad
Guest Ring Announcer
For the TLC Gauntlet
EWT Hall of Famer
Richard Simmons
Guest Microphone Holder
For I Quit Match
EWT Hall of Famer
Geraldo Riveria
Guest Referee's
The Wiggles
Plus, many more suprises set in stone but we just don't want to give away just yet. Which is why you must tune & find out. Be a part of EWT history for Crap-a-mania !!!!, Sunday, May 6th, 2007 LIVE From Sesame Place. |
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Ass Dan
King Koopa
Curious about extra lines
Have you seen me?
Posts: 12,259
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Post by Ass Dan on Apr 15, 2007 13:29:07 GMT -5
Joe One is sitting in a room watching his telescreen; he is watching EWT Crap-A-Mania III.
Suddenly, the telescreen shifts to an image of a bearded man.
Bearded Man: Mr. One!
Joe quickly stands at attention.
One: Yes, sir?
Man: I guess I should be the one to tell you this...HE shall be at Crap-A-Mania IV.
One looks in shock.
One: You mean...?
Man: Yes. BB will be watching you from his luxury box.
One stares out.
Man: You realize that your match against Mr. Ragnal and Mr. Corral is very important, right?
One: Yes...I was schedualed to face Corral at Crap-a-Mania III, but he pulled out at the last minute.
Man: BB was doubleunhappy about that.
One: I've done everything that he's told me to do. All that's left is to unveil the 101 and the title belongs to him.
Man: Godspeed, Mr. One.
One: Thank you, sir.
The bearded man's face is replaced by Crap-a-Mania III once more. One puts his fingers back through his hair as we are removed from this scene.
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Apr 15, 2007 17:52:07 GMT -5
*We cut to the next scene, which looks to be placed somewhere in Sesame Place. Joe Ragnal is standing in front of a replica of the 123 apartment, while we’re looking at the scene through the lens of a handheld camera.*
JOE: You ready there, Shelly?
SHELLY (The guy holding the camera): I can’t believe you called me to come all the way down from my cozy bed in New Hampshire just to cut a promo HERE.
JOE: Hey, what’s wrong with Sesame Place, eh? Aside from the fact it’s owned by the Budweiser company.
SHELLY: Just talk so I can get the next plane home. PLEASE.
JOE: Fine, fine!
*Joe clears his throat, and then looks in the camera with a smile.*
JOE: Hello to all you folks tuning into Global Wrestling Coalition! As you all know, this Wednesday is GWC’s Reign of Terror PPV, and I have the task of taking on none other than the lame-o that formed the Icon Corp, Mike Sullivan. Now, what makes Sullivan so interesting is that him and his boy Michael Walters-
SHELLY: Waitasec. BOTH these guys are named Mike?
JOE: Weeeell, technically. See, since the one dude added “ael” to the end of his first name, that makes him more…*Joe uses air quotes*… “sophisticated” than Sullivan. But I’m just bragging. But yeah, the reason that I’m taking these guys on are because they beat me up. Apparently for no reason, right? Wrongo! These Mikes, or Michaels, or McHales, whatever you wanna call them, are simply jealous of your truly. See, lookit me. The Innovator of FUN. A guy who’s fun and friendly with all.
*Shelly can be heard snickering.*
JOE: And just think about the name of Sully’s association. Icon CORP. He’s part of some dull business of his where he has to do nothing but paperwork all day. How lame can you get, right?
SHELLY: Well, I guess-
JOE: Right. So Mike’s got a bit of a lesson to learn. That lesson? It’s not bad to have FUN once in a whi-
*Suddenly, a blonde woman walks up to Joe with a microphone in hand.*
WOMAN: Oh, there you are! I needed to ask you about yo-
JOE: Gah! What the hell?! Shelly, cut! CUT!
SHELLY: Can I go home?
JOE: Fine, sure, just cut the damn camera!
*Static.*
*The scene goes to static, then cuts right over to one of EWT’s own cameras.*
JOE: Candy, what the hell?! I was working on something for one of the other feds I work with!
CANDY: Well, I’m sorry, but I had to ask you about last night with Synthy.
JOE: Wha…What are you talking about?
CANDY: Well last night. You and Synthy headed out of the area and were sitting down looking at the sunset.
JOE: Yeah, so?
CANDY: Let’s just say I could see the fireworks going off.
*Candy giggles while Joe rolls his eyes.*
JOE: Fortheluvva…look. Synthy is my CLIENT. She is, by no means, romantically attached to me. Got that?
CANDY: Well, I guess I should tell Chad that.
JOE; Whoa, whoa! You told Chad?! In his drunken state of mind?!
CANDY: Yup. And he got so happy for you he got a match against you in the FUN House.
JOE: Happy? That’s not happy, Candy, that’s being pissed! And further-
*Joe stops in his tracks, and then realizes something.*
JOE: Wait. That dingus scheduled a FUN House match?! Without asking ME?!
CANDY: So?
JOE: So?! I have exclusive rights to that match! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is allowed to grasp into that match without talking to me! And as for Chad, does he even realize that he could avoid his drunkpression by just introducing himself to Synthy, if he likes her so much?
??: BLASPHEMY!
JOE: What-
*Before Joe can utter another word, he turns towards the direction of the voice, only to be SUPERKICKED BY CHAD MICHAELS! Joe is knocked to the ground, and Chad stares at the unconscious Innovator.*
CHAD: Howzabout it now, Raggle, huh?! Wanna fight in your match now? Wanna protect your house NOW?! HUH?!
*Chad spits on Joe, and then walks off, happy about his accomplishment. Candy, meanwhile, just looks around, acting ditzy.*
CANDY: Should I…should I do something?
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Post by Koda, Master Crunchyroller on Apr 16, 2007 18:43:07 GMT -5
The camera pans to a shot of Koda's back. The camera moves further away, until Grover Taft comes into view, and then Rutherford and Calvin come in from the corner of the screen with a person in a Big Bird outfit in tow.
Rutherford: Hey Grover! Can you believe it? I found Big Bird! I bet Koda would be happy to see him!
Grover: Oh....I don't think so....Koda is...well...after he gets mad, he goes into a depressed reflection period lasting a few minutes to a few hours, depending on how mad he was.
Calvin: What's wrong?
Grover: He feels sorry for exploding on Toom E. like that. Koda is in great debt to Toom E. as he made him who he is.
Calvin: You mean Toom E. made him an ass, arrogant, and greedy?
Grover: No, you idiot! Toom gave him the chance to be somebody in EWT, and he took that chance.
Rutherford: Oooooohhhhhh......
Big Bird: Hey....are we going to do something? I've got other places to be right now....
Rutherford: It won't take long, let's go.
Rutherford, Calvin, and Grover lead Big Bird over to Koda. Koda turns around, punches Rutherford to the ground, kicks Calvin in the gut, and is about to hit Grover, but Grover pleas for his safety.
Grover: Oh God, I told them not to do it! I tried to turn them away!
Koda throws Grover into a wall. Koda turns to Big Bird, who is frozen in fear, and kicks him in the crotch. Koda then flips Big Bird over and puts him into The American Dream. He doesn't let go until he hears the snap of Big Bird's ankle. Koda leaves his Cabinet and Big Bird in pain as he walks off to a dippin' dots stand and gets a cup of peanut butter dippin' dots.
Koda: Hmm....I wonder if Toom likes dippin' dots? He'd probably think of some kind of new match type just from looking at a cup of dippin' dots....the man's a genius like that.
((I know I said I wouldn't refer to Toom or anyone that I wasn't in a feud with, but I just had to get this one thing posted, and be done with it.))
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Post by Redface: Dispenser of Justice on Apr 17, 2007 19:08:00 GMT -5
*The Shot opens near the construction site for the concrete ring. everything seems to be coming along nicely, two of the ring posts are already up and the ring it's self is almost ready. Several men can be seen working the ring. The camera pans away from the ring and focuses on Redface Rodgers, is who talking to someone on his cellphone...*
Redface: Yes, I'd like to talk to Toom E. Dangerously? Yeah, I'll hold...*he waits a little*...Hello? Yeah, it's me. I wanna know what gave you the impression that you could add four extra men to my match?!!?...Yeah, I know that. But you should take into account that I created this match. I'm going to help you rake in millions with this concrete beast, and, on top of that, I'm paying for this out of my own pocket! And this is how you f*** me over?... You know what, Toom E.? f*** YOU, THEN!
*he hangs up the phone and throws it on the ground, where it shatters into several pieces. Bill enters on screen.*
Bill: whoa, you okay, bro?
Redface: *shaking with anger*...I'm fine. I'm just pissed with a few people...
Bill: you mean what with Indigo interfering in your last match
Redface: yeah, and with Toom E. adding four more dudes to my match at Crap-a-mania
Bill: I don't see why you should be so mad, man. you can take all five of those dudes easy! Jus' take your mind offa it. I need you to take a look at sumthin'...
Redface: Okay, whatever...
*they both exit off-screen. fade to black*
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,390 
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Apr 17, 2007 22:22:47 GMT -5
Fade in on Chad Michaels, walking around Sesame Place. And, HE IS SOBER!! HOORAY!! Anyway, Chad walks around when who should come but....
Sum: Hi, I'm Sum Guy, and I was the man who won the Intercontinental Title! Here with me now is a man who has been drunk so many times Homer Simpson is jealous, Chad Michaels.
Chad: Glad to know you care Sum.
Sum: Anytime. Now, I'm sure you'e heard the news...
Chad: Nope. What, did we hire Eric Young?
Sum: No, that was some other company. Actually, it's the return of Crap-A-Mania!!!
Chad: Whoop-de-friggin-do.
Sum: It gets better. You have a match with Marcus Saxton against TJT...
Chad: Cool.
Sum: And you'll also be taking on Joe Ragnal in the Fun House match.
Chad: Yeah, I know about that. Hell, I requested the match with him.
Sum: Wait, you requested to have a match against the man who made the match here in EWT? Why?
Chad: Why? Because I want to prove that I am better than him, that's why. He knew I liked Synthy, yet he uses the Harlot Hunt as an excuse to get closer to her. And now, he's her "manager". Joe, you are seriously going to get f***ed up in this macth. I don't care if you're the undisputed king of the FUN House, I will beat you within an inch of your life.
Sum: Whoa.
Chad: Damn straight whoa. I'm going to make sure you pay Joe, one way or another you will pay.
Sum: Killer. So what about TJT?
Chad: Oh, right. Team Minipax. Well boys, welcome to the big stage. Hope you're not planning to win, because this year's Crap-A-Mania is going to be Rated X.
Sum: .......Can I have a dollar?
Chad: What the- NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A DOLLAR!! You know what, I'm outta here. I need to train for my matches.
Chad walks away as Sum just stands there, a goofy smile on his face. As Chad turns a corner, he bumps into BR Juri Sadamoto.
Chad: Sorry, it was my fault.
Juri: *Looking still slightly buzzed* Oh... Thaass fine.... Oi....oi....oi... You're Chad.
Chad: Yeah. And you're Juri Sadamoto, right? Loved the submission match at DMW.
Juri: BR Juri Sadamoto... Ands don't you for....for....froget it..... Oh and thanks... Uh.... I had something to tell you....
Chad: Oh, okay. Shoot.
Juri: ...Synthy digs ya...
She smiles and stumbles off. Chad just stares before getting a huge grin on his face.
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Apr 18, 2007 17:59:23 GMT -5
Toom E. Dangerously appears on the ToomiTron to make an announcement.
Toomi: Well, well, well. Crap-A-Mania 4 sure is turning out to be one hell of a spectacle. We've got a card that's loaded with matches, that I'm sure will blow the roof off of the EWT Arena. In fact, I guarantee that Crap-A-Mania 4 will be just as big, if not bigger, than...well, quite frankly, every single EWT pay-per-view event is a mind-blowing, shock-filled entertainment bonanza.
But there's one match on the card that I'd like to talk about right now. You see, Marcus Trunk entered my office last week and requested a match with Rick Raskall, in the barbaric entrapments of a steel cage. Now, this little scrap between the two of them has been rather intriguing. Rick Raskall turns his back on his trusted partner, and Marcus Trunk wants revenge. It's a story of deceit and retribution. Simple, but everybody loves it. Now I'm sure that you EWT fans want to see the two of them rip each other's brains out, but I don't feel that the steel cage is quite enough.
You see, I feel that this confrontation between Raskall and Trunk goes beyond the confines of a steel cage. That's why I've decided to add a stipulation that will literally take this match outside the confines of the steel cage; because I'm making this match a Steel Cage Falls Count Anywhere Match.
Oh, you still have to escape the cage, of course, but the match does not end when that happens, oh no. As soon as one of the competitors escapes the cage, the match still continues, only it becomes a Falls Count Anywhere match. If either of you manages to survive the brutality of the steel cage, just wait for what lies beyond it.
Toomi folds his hands and grins devilishly as the ToomiTron flickers out.
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Post by respectmeordye3 on May 3, 2007 12:27:08 GMT -5
Abe Lincoln the 8th marches slowly down the ramp to his theme song--the National Anthem.
He slips into the ring where Jesse Ventura awaits and the bell rings.
Jesse takes Abe down right away with a dropkick and then he waits for Abe to get back up to his feet and Jesse then leaps up onto the top turnbuckle and nails Abe again--with a flying clothesline!
Jesse begins to ruthlessly stomp away at Abe basically beat the living heck outta him.
Jesse bends down to pull Abe to his feet yet again but Abe gouges Ventura in the eyes! Abe follows up with Gettysburg Abuse, and then he attacks with a Top Hat, followed by an Uncivil War!
Jesse Ventura seems to regain his momentum however with a flurry of chops to Abe's chest which cause Lincoln to stumble back but then come back at Jesse with Lincoln's Ghost!
Abraham Lincoln the 8th then goes for Ford's Theatre!
1.......
2.......
3!
Abraham Lincoln the 8th has won!
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Indigocrates
Unicron
I got bored. Decided to become a philosopher. Just 'cause.
Posts: 2,953
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Post by Indigocrates on May 6, 2007 14:19:10 GMT -5
*Backstage, Christopher Indigo is in a dimly lit room with the Toolshed Title.*
Indigo: "It was six months ago I won the Toolshed Title. it was six months ago BB's conqeust began. Six months ago, a soon to be historic date in EWT, after One wins the Heavyweight Title, TJT wins the tag titles down the road, Midnight Mystery wins either the Ox or Tri-State Title, and Jack, well, he can do what he wants, I, I don't really care. But the point is, after I retain my Toolshed Title, after Minipax holds every title, it will be then that EWT will go to the Party.
As for tonight, once I defeat all of the competitors in my Title defense, my manifestation in their minds will be solidified. The image of BB, of his wisdom, will forcefully ingrain itself into the minds of the proles. All will see what Minipax is capable of, all will see..."
*cut to the next segment*
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Post by thecursedone on May 6, 2007 19:53:19 GMT -5
* Cut from the next segment to the ring when JBL's music instantly starts playing. * JBL: Well, Cole, it looks like it's time for me to end the career of that damn pirate! Cole: The time couldn't have been better as I will now introduce the prize winners for our be a commentator contest. Ironically, they are the only two that signed up... Frankie Fortunato and.... The EWT Sombero Guy? Fortunato: Glad to be here, Cole. Cole: Wow, you're so smooth. Fortunato: Everyone says that. Next time try to be more original when praising me. Cole: Will do sir. And Sombero Guy... Anything to add? Fortunato: He's away right now. He'll be back in a bit. Cole: O.....kay... *JBL enters the ring after wiping his feet. He takes off his Cowboy Hat, track jacket, and towel as he glares at the ramp. His music ends as he wrings his hands.* Finkel: Currently in the ring... From New York City... Weighting in at 290 lbs... JOHN BRADSHAW LAYFIELD!!! * [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOYOiAtD3N8Simon Scurvy's music plays.[/url] * Fortunato: Best wrestler ever. Cole: What makes you say that? Fortunato: Remember that All Grown Up promo? Cole: Yes? Fortunato: You have your answer. Cole: What? Fortunato: You dare doubt me? Cole: No sir *A very short and fat man in a cheap looking parrot suit bursts out from the EWT curtain, flapping his arms as he “soars” to right of the stage. He continues to flap his “wings”, leaving the EWT crowd very confused. But just then, a man in a very stereotypical pirate outfit walks out from the curtain and strikes the Captain Morgan pose.* Finkel: From Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkansas, by way of the Sea... Weighting in at 226 lbs... Being accompanied to the ring by Polly.... SIMON SCURVY! Scurvy: ARRRRRRRRRR!!!! *Scurvy holds out his hand and Polly “flaps his wings” over to him excitedly to “land” on Simon's arm to “perch”. Simon struts down the ramp with a “pirate” like stagger, all the while Polly is “perched” on Simon's arm (walking behind him). He reaches the end of the ramp and reaches in his pocket with his free hand. He pulls out chocolate gold candy and throws it out into the crowd. He then lets out a big “pirate” laugh and finishes with a massive...* Scurvy: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! *Meanwhile, JBL paces back and forth. He's seriously wanting to hurt this joke of a wrestler. He climbs the steps of the stairs, “rests” Polly to “perch” on the turnbuckle, and unsheathes his plastic cutlass. He points it at JBL with reckless abandon, and just to let him know that he means business, Scurvy lets out a monstrous...* Scurvy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR- *JBL levels him with a massive boot. He gloats to the crowd, receiving mostly boos from the crowd. Then he stands at the ready for the Clothesline from Hell. But after about minute of Scurvy laying down, JBL angrily sighs has he goes to pick up for Scurvy for the Clothesline from Hell. Only for Scurvy to quickly pull JBL to the ground.* Cole: OH MY! SCURVY JUST HIT THE SKULL AND CROSSBONES! Fortunato: Best move in EWT today. Sombero Guy: No, that would be the Booty Grabber! 1! 2! 3! *The bell rings as Scurvy rolls out of the ring. Polly helps him up as he sets up the ramp. JBL's eyes are wide and he's shaking his head as the truth sets in.* Finkel: AND YOUR WINNER OF THIS MATCH, SIMON SCURVY! JBL: WHAT?! NO!!!! NOO!!!!! Cole: Looks like my partner is just another victim of the pirate of EWT. Fortunato: Like there was any doubt. Sombero Guy: I wanted to see the Booty Grabber! |
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