I've been having trouble at home, lately. It seems my son has decided to go all emotional and start listening to grunge rock and hating everyone. What should I do?"
CLUELESS IN SEATTLE"
Seriously, who the hell names their kid Clueless? They either had to be piss-ass drunk or high as a kite. You should be more worried about what people will think about your name instead of your kid. It seems that you might have bigger fish to fry, whether it be your parents for naming you so stupidly, or the people who make fun of you for said stupid name.
THE Bob Schlapowitz"
That's actually pretty accurate!
It's only missing the "PS, send your stockings asap" ending.