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Post by DSR on Apr 9, 2009 14:17:45 GMT -5
I wouldn't mind if we went old school for one of these threads: "Abbott and Costello Meet the WC Horror Thread." Perhaps the earliest example of a horror franchise being run into the ground and turned into self-parody. ;D
Anyway, it feels like its been ages since my last review, so I'm here today to discuss a movie very near and dear to my heart: HARD ROCK ZOMBIES!
Our main characters are a small-time band looking to make the big time (I don't recall the band's name being mentioned in the movie, but I've read in several places that they are called Wholly Moses, or Holy Moses, or something along those lines). ANYWAY, the band's got a lot on their plate: they're demoing a song based on an old incantation to revive the dead, they've got a gig lined up where an agent for a major record label could be their ticket to superstardom, and that concert is gonna be in a straight-laced conservative town looking to ban them specifically, and all of rock and roll generally.
It is in this podunk little town (named Grand Guignol) that the band meets two young ladies: the first is an innocent teenaged girl, who captures the heart of Jessie, the lead singer of the band (its kind of creepy considering he looks at least ten years older than her, but Winger had a hit song about a 17 year old girl and Ted Nugent had a relationship with a 17 year old girl as well...chalk it up to art imitating life, I guess) and the other young lady is a sexy seductress, who insists the band stays with her and her family.
The boys would've been better off finding a hotel, as the family consists of a gang of creeps: the seductress tends to get off on murdering horny guys; there's a voyeuristic man who constantly has a camera ready to take bizarre pictures (its kind of implied that he's the seductress's brother, but there's no concrete evidence of this); a hulking bald butcher who doesn't speak; a couple of deformed, incestuous little people; and a 95 year old German-speaking man, and his wife who is a werewolf!
The band is hit with a double-whammy, as the townsfolk of Grand Guignol decide to ban all forms of rock and roll, and the bizarre family they are staying with murders all of the bandmembers! At this crucial moment, the 95 year old man reveals his true identity: HOLY S***, IT'S HITLER, WHAT THE F***?!
Meanwhile, Jessie's teenaged girlfriend plays the demo of the resurrecting song at the band's grave, allowing Jessie and the boys to rise up and seek their bloody revenge (which, in turn, brings about more zombies)! How will the people of Grand Guignol stop the zombie onslaught? Will they use their heads? Maybe a "wirgin" sacrifice? Or will the undead rockers hold the key to ending this nightmare? More importantly, will they get their record deal?
In case you haven't discovered it by now, none of this mess of a movie is supposed to be taken seriously. Krishnah Shah, the director of Hard Rock Zombies, also directed a straight-up comedy titled American Drive-In. Hard Rock Zombies is the movie playing in said drive-in while the teenaged shenanigans are going on, and its easy to believe that this movie was shot solely for the purpose of being shown in that movie, and then put out as its own thing after the fact.
From a technical standpoint, the movie is mildly atrocious. While the MTV-style editing is obviously a choice on the director's part, it still appears to be handled with the grace and care of a cheese grater. The sound quality of the picture seems slapdash as well: whenever a character talks during a performance of the band, there's two different segments of the song being played one on top of the other. And the writing of this "movie" in case you couldn't tell never achieves the goal of making sense. Never.
But f*** it, I LOVED this movie! If this movie actually tried to make sense, it would probably end up being far less FUN. The band's songs are quite catchy, the comedy somehow works in a way that you'll roll your eyes, say "what the hell is going on?" and laugh your ass off all in the same breath. And as creepy as it is, the relationship between Jessie and the young girl (named Cassie) comes off in a way that makes them both somehow very likeable characters. Plus, c'mon: we've got Hitler, a geriatric wheelchair-bound werewolf lady, catchy 80s pop-metal (that's what I'm calling it), a sexy blonde with a fetish for murder, a town full of idiots coming up with horrendous ways to stop zombies, stuff I didn't mention like a young lady who's idea of commitment is so strong, she stays with her boyfriend even after he becomes nothing more than a severed head, and special effects by none other than John Carl Beuchler!
Grab some friends, grab some beers, and laugh your ass off! 5 stars out of 5, for all the wrong reasons.
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Tehboobz wants Ewa Sonnett
Don Corleone
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Post by Tehboobz wants Ewa Sonnett on Apr 9, 2009 15:08:26 GMT -5
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andrew8798
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Post by andrew8798 on Apr 9, 2009 15:15:07 GMT -5
That's the first time I even heard of it
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Post by GuyOfOwnage on Apr 9, 2009 15:27:32 GMT -5
If Part 3 of this thread doesn't utilize a 3D gimmick, I riot.
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Post by DSR on Apr 9, 2009 16:10:47 GMT -5
Too bad I'm like the last person in the universe still on dial-up, so I can't watch any of these movies.
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Post by Rorschach on Apr 9, 2009 18:57:51 GMT -5
Too bad I'm like the last person in the universe still on dial-up, so I can't watch any of these movies. I think I'm gonna try it via my PS3 tonight and see how that goes.
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Apr 10, 2009 11:41:57 GMT -5
The sad part is that I've actually seen almost every movie that's on that little preliminary list. The only one that I HAVEN'T seen is Saga of the Viking Women Longest Title Ever in the History of Man (well, except for The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies...speaking of that movie, the DVD is worth picking up as it features commentary by none other than JOE BOB BRIGGS ;D). Invasion of the Neptune Men is pretty damned hilarious both by itself and in MST3K form. "You blew up the Hitler museum! What of all the Hitler memorabilia?!" One last bit of slightly non-horror related randomness that likely only I care about: way, way back in the very first POST of the original horror thread, I was watching Mario Bava movies from the two box sets that I bought. I didn't mention it at the time, but there's a few non horror-genre flicks in the sets that would fit really well on that website. Call it the Bava blooper reel. There's Knives of the Avenger, a pretty cheesy Viking movie; Roy Colt and Winchester Jack, a Western parody movie (think Support Your Local Sherriff only not entertaining in the slightest); and Four Times That Night, a '60s groovy-babied version of Kurosawa's Rashomon. Good stuff, I tell ya. Lady Vengeance [/color][/center] Alright, here we go - the last chapter in one of the most gutwrenching, frustrating, and nonetheless extremely well-made and artfully shot trilogies that I've ever seen. While the three movies in Chan Wook-Park's Vengeance trilogy do not share the same canon in terms of pure story, watching the three movies still feels like watching a six-hour epic made up of similar moving parts. The styles are almost identical, after all; all the movies have Alfred Hitchcock-style camera tricks and photography, the acting is top of the line, the stories unfold in very nonlinear (and at times downright confusing) fashion and the soundtracks employ heavy orchestral tones creating a jarring collision with the twists, turns, and occasional gory set pieces that we see on the screen. I found 2002's Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance to be a well-acted film that unfortunately blurs the lines between its two protagonists too damn much, leaving the viewer detached to the proceedings; 2004's Oldboy is a better film that, while I didn't find it to be quite the masterpiece that it's cracked up to be, definitely connected with my emotions more than the earlier film. However, the final film in the trilogy, 2006's Lady Vengeance, is a movie that I find to be the best in the trilogy; it has the best balance of twists and emotional investment, the most likable protagonist in the series, and a tour de force performance by Lee Young Ae as one of the most badass characters you'll ever see in a movie. After seeing the first two films in the trilogy, the plot of Lady Vengeance comes as no surprise; character wronged and put in an extremely unfair situation comes back, and antagonist wishes that he had finished the job when given the chance. Been there, done that in regards to the story - especially since the plot of this particular film is at least a little similar to Oldboy. Watching it play out, though, I found myself much more wrapped up in the plot of Lady Vengeance than the previous films; the movie is much more focused on bringing its setup to a satisfying conclusion, and rather than putting the vast majority of the effort into providing shocking twist after shocking twist (as was the case with the earlier films), Wook-Park instead put his effort into giving the audience an emotional investment in the action. Needless to say, the decision pays off. The film opens with an extremely cool and well-edited title sequence that reminded me a great deal of the title sequence of Alfred Hitchcock's Vertigo. From here, we meet reformed female prisoner Lee Geum-Ja (Young Ae), being released from prison after serving 13 years. Instead of embracing the Christian procession that awaits her outside the prison, she brazenly declares that her angelic dimeanor inside the prison was an act, and that her only motive was revenge. Lee served the prison sentence as a result of one of the slimiest and most dislikeable monsters that I've seen in a film, a child murderer known as Mr. Baek (Choi Min-Sik). It is Baek who puts Lee behind bars, kidnapping her young daughter and forcing her to confess to the murder of a boy under penalty of murdering Lee's daughter if she doesn't comply. To make a long story short, Lee serves the prison sentence, gets out, and is extremely unhappy with Mr. Baek. Much like the other films in the series, Lady Vengeance makes great use of flashback, utilizing multiple timelines in its narrative, and stylish camera techniques. After Lee is released from prison, the film essentially zigzags in between her present-day mission to punish Baek for his evil deeds and her time spent in prison. Every step of her flawless plan of revenge has its roots in her prison sentence; her angelic dimeanor and kind nature while in jail gains her the nickname "the kind-hearted Lee Geum-Ja", as she donates a kidney to a dying inmate, tenderly cares for another and poisons the prison bully/rapist. Upon release, she calls in the favors for all of her nice deeds; food, shelter, and weapons are all hers for the taking. In this aspect, Lady Vengeance actually becomes a very original morality tale; it's, in essence, a story of karma, as Geum-Ja's kind nature in the very worst possible environment eventually helps her mission of retribution later in life. I should also state that it's very easy to root for Lee. She is masterfully played by Lee Young Ae, who takes a character with many layers and substances and grounds them beautifully. In addition, the character is just plain cool; her blood-red eye shadow, black leather coat and choice of weapon - an antique pistol that Lee prefers to fire at close range in order to see the death throes of her victims - just radiate badassery. Young Ae is even more masterful in the film's emotional moments; Geum-Ja eventually tracks down her daughter, taken from her at such an early age as a result of the blackmail that puts her in prison. Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance and Oldboy had nothing that even begin to compare to the scenes that Lee shares with her daughter in Lady Vengeance; those movies were intent on providing twist after twist with no real regard for giving their characters much emotional depth beyond the absolute barest revenge motives. Lady Vengeance tugs your heartstrings while also leaving you pinned to your seat, and Young Ae deserves much of the credit due to her outstanding acting in the title role. Overall, I found Lady Vengeance to be a triumph, and the best movie in Wook-Park's trilogy by a mile. Its main character is cool and very well-played, its twists and turns are extremely well mapped out, the screenplay is sheer perfection in its ability to bob and weave its parallel timelines and juxtapose each present-day cog of the plan to a past action...and best of all, it doesn't completely lose steam in its final third. I won't spoil what becomes of Mr. Baek, but emotionally, Lady Vengeance packs a wallop - in both its setup AND its payoff. ****
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Post by Rorschach on Apr 10, 2009 14:45:51 GMT -5
Heh...now I REALLY want to complete this trilogy. Just makes me all the sadder to read all that, and then look at the kinds of films that American filmmakers come up with....I mean, when you stop to think and look at it, what do these Asian films have that many American films don't?
Give up?
SUBTLETY. American films HAVE to spell out every motivation, every twist and turn, and every action.....it HAS to be black and white, it seems, for us to understand it. It cannot be a shade of gray, or else American audiences will just crap all over it and reject it outright, at least in the majority of cases.
We tend to like our horror films loud, brash, and clear cut....no little things going on in the background to creep you out, no stealthy stalking from the antagonist. No, our villains crash through walls, while the littlest thing, such as a character opening a closet door, will be accompanied by a shotgun blast on the soundtrack.
And in our "revenge" movies, most times it is a man seeking revenge for something that happened to his defenseless wife or child...even when Tarantino used a similar formula to LADY VENGEANCE in KILL BILL, it was over-simplified.
Sorry, didn't mean for this to be an anti-American cinema rant...just seems like we here in the states aren't putting out the same effort those overseas are, is all.
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
Posts: 4,874
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Apr 10, 2009 16:13:53 GMT -5
I wouldn't say that I agree with you 100%, Rorschach, but I can definitely see where you're coming from. It does indeed seem that, by and large, the vast majority of theatrical horror flicks now feature either hulking monsters or that dreadful sound scare stinger that's hated by pretty much everyone in here (myself included).
However, I don't think there's anything wrong with black-and-white, either; you said it yourself at one point that what makes Nightmare on Elm Street special is that Freddy-Nancy "ultimate good vs. ultimate evil" archetype. I enjoy LOTS of movies that are that way - I'm sure it's just me being lame, but to me they're just a nice reminder that no matter how many things change, some things stay the same.
Not to say that I can't get into movies that don't slog neatly from A-to-Z; the film I just reviewed and A Tale of Two Sisters come to mind. Both types are fine, but I will be honest - while I very much enjoyed Lady Vengeance, I don't know if it has repeat viewing value in the same vein that, say, the Friday the 13th movies do for me. Making your brain run the marathon once is enough. ;D
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Post by Rorschach on Apr 10, 2009 16:24:29 GMT -5
Indeed, sometimes, as in the Freddy and Nancy case, or even the Myers/Laurie case, black and white "good vs. evil" storylines can work, and work well.
My main point is that we as a culture seem to crank out those same sorts of films, instead of exploring other, more chilling but less visceral avenues. What was the last innovative American horror film to come down the pike? SAW? HOSTEL?
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Post by Rorschach on Apr 10, 2009 18:38:04 GMT -5
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Post by mysterydriver on Apr 10, 2009 18:40:59 GMT -5
Yeah...one day...when that is a Sci-Fi (SyFy?) movie of the week...I'll watch it.
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andrew8798
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Post by andrew8798 on Apr 10, 2009 18:50:24 GMT -5
So will I
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Post by Rorschach on Apr 10, 2009 18:52:51 GMT -5
I mean, it IS a giant shark movie and all...but that title just pisses me off. It's like they're using the name of a much better film to lure you into watching THIS one....which, considering it's budget....I dunno. I don't have high hopes.
I may tune in to see the train wreck, though.
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Apr 10, 2009 19:07:38 GMT -5
Indeed, sometimes, as in the Freddy and Nancy case, or even the Myers/Laurie case, black and white "good vs. evil" storylines can work, and work well. My main point is that we as a culture seem to crank out those same sorts of films, instead of exploring other, more chilling but less visceral avenues. What was the last innovative American horror film to come down the pike? SAW? HOSTEL? To answer your question, while I wouldn't say that it's really innovative per se, The Strangers was definitely very refreshing and a step in the right direction. The thing I really loved about it is that it realized that SILENCE is much more eerie than firing the proverbial shotgun in your ear. It was also a very nice throwback to the silent, stalking killers of the villains of yesteryear rather than the WWE-style Kane wannabes. With that review of Lady Vengeance completed, for the first time in a LONG time, I'm completely caught up watching the movies in my own collection (I had myself quite the queue on Amazon). So I'm going to spend Friday night with my old best friend... Halloween I and II back-to-back, viewed as a single three-hour epic. I know it doesn't get any less independent/underground what have you, but to this day, I still watch these movies AT LEAST every three months. Needless to say, they're my go-to flicks for rainy day occasions. One final bit of annoyance - I just did the write-ups for the next set of horror hall of fame inductions. For those following the thread so far, one of the inductions should be a given, and the other won't surprise anyone, but I'm hoping to catch everyone with a good curveball just like I did with Sam Neill in the inaugural inductions. And I'm hoping everyone sees THIS curveball as equally deserving as Mr. Neill was/is.
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Post by DSR on Apr 11, 2009 0:12:44 GMT -5
I mean, it IS a giant shark movie and all...but that title just pisses me off. It's like they're using the name of a much better film to lure you into watching THIS one....which, considering it's budget....I dunno. I don't have high hopes. I may tune in to see the train wreck, though. Ah, it seems I was right that the SyFy/direct-to-DVD market is the grandson of the drive-in b-movie theater. The charges you've laid down against this movie are certainly applicable to films like House of Exorcism, or the myriad "Zombi 3" movies to come in the wake of Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2 (which itself was a cash-in sequel to Dawn of the Dead), or something like "Alien Contamination" meant to cash-in on the famed Sigourney Weaver movie about space...not names Galaxy Quest. My point here being...eh, I've probably suffered through worse. And at least they waited 'til after Jaws: The Revenge to unleash this. Also, Dread Central tells me this shark is radioactive, so...that's a plus, right?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2009 0:21:50 GMT -5
I will also watch the Bad Shark movie
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andrew8798
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Post by andrew8798 on Apr 11, 2009 0:25:26 GMT -5
I mean, it IS a giant shark movie and all...but that title just pisses me off. It's like they're using the name of a much better film to lure you into watching THIS one....which, considering it's budget....I dunno. I don't have high hopes. I may tune in to see the train wreck, though. Ah, it seems I was right that the SyFy/direct-to-DVD market is the grandson of the drive-in b-movie theater. The charges you've laid down against this movie are certainly applicable to films like House of Exorcism, or the myriad "Zombi 3" movies to come in the wake of Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2 (which itself was a cash-in sequel to Dawn of the Dead), or something like "Alien Contamination" meant to cash-in on the famed Sigourney Weaver movie about space...not names Galaxy Quest. My point here being...eh, I've probably suffered through worse. And at least they waited 'til after Jaws: The Revenge to unleash this. Also, Dread Central tells me this shark is radioactive, so...that's a plus, right? The shark is radioactive. It's a must watch for me. Besides how bad could it be
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Post by DSR on Apr 11, 2009 0:34:16 GMT -5
Ah, it seems I was right that the SyFy/direct-to-DVD market is the grandson of the drive-in b-movie theater. The charges you've laid down against this movie are certainly applicable to films like House of Exorcism, or the myriad "Zombi 3" movies to come in the wake of Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2 (which itself was a cash-in sequel to Dawn of the Dead), or something like "Alien Contamination" meant to cash-in on the famed Sigourney Weaver movie about space...not names Galaxy Quest. My point here being...eh, I've probably suffered through worse. And at least they waited 'til after Jaws: The Revenge to unleash this. Also, Dread Central tells me this shark is radioactive, so...that's a plus, right? The shark is radioactive. It's a must watch for me. Besides how bad could it be With any luck, it will be excruciatingly, brain-shatteringly, hilariously bad! ;D
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Welfare Willis
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Post by Welfare Willis on Apr 11, 2009 0:50:32 GMT -5
Okay fellas it's that time again and for being so late I'm going to do TWO movies for the price of reading one post. ;D And this post is special as tonight it was a Linnea Quigley double feature. First up... DON'T GO NEAR THE PARK (1981) Directed by Lawrence D. Foldes. My God...where do I begin with this film? You know as you drive by a car wreck you can't help but watch? I mean chances are it's just wreckage, but sometimes you get there early enough to see people being put into ambulences? That is this movie. It's not so much a horror film, as it is a horrifying film. The stuff MST3K would make fun of when they were still on the air. The plot? Well I'll let someone over at IMDB explain it: Got that? Good because I promise the plot really isn't important. Now I purposely chose the dvd cover picture and that little plot blurb to illustrate a point. That is dvd companies will lie to you. You look at the dvd cover, the plot blurb, and the fact Linnea Quigley was in it and think, "Oh this should be good." It could be similar to rape revenge movies like I Spit on your Grave or another one Linnea did called Savage Streets. No, my friends, no... this movie is like a 70's tv drama plus the Brady Bunch plus LSD rolled in with a sprinkle of nudity. From the beginning your blasted with the worst dramatic music stings in the history of cinema, poor dialogue, and stuff that will make you go WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Plus on top of all that Linnea is a minor character. Much like George Clooney in Return to Horror High her name helps sell the product, but she's not the main focus. I could go on but because I want to conserve post length let me end by saying THE VILLIAN SHOOTS LASERS OUT OF HIS EYES. A power he had not shown until the final "climatic" moments of this film. Yes, laser beams like friggin' superman. Why this film was considered a video nasty in the 80's is beyond me. The gore is there, but it's nowhere near Tom Savini levels. Video nasty, no? Bad Video? More likely. Just please do yourself a favor if you're going to rent this: get some friends, get some alcohol, and get blasted. Because this movie is so bad it's almost as epic in the same way Manos, the Hands of Fate is. * star out of 5. Next we fast forward to Linnea in 1988 and a masterpiece of American cinema... HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS (1988) Directed by Fred Olen Ray. How can you tell a film is much more explotation then horror? When there are much more boobies then blood and more gags then guts. Yes, fiends, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is the quintessial USA up all night film. Schlock that could only come from one of the best decades ever, the 80's. Jay Richardson plays Jack Chandler, a private dick (har, har). Who is trying hard to morph into Bruce Campbell. Really just watch this film and tell me Jack doesn't remind you of Bruce Campbell. Jack is trying to track down Samantha (Quigley). A pretty girl from a small town lost on the streets of L.A. It's a bad time in the city of angels as men have been appearing chopped up like so much ham cubes. Soon Jack stumbles upon Samantha, and runs a foul of those chainsaw hookers. Which it turns out is a religious cult ran by Mr. Leatherface himself, Gunnar Hansen. My guess? Gunnar was hard up for some money. Plot, once again, doesn't matter it's about the hookers man! Boobie count is high in this film with the main female characters dropping shirt, if not more. Plus add one of the most awkardly erotic dances ever with chainsaws. Gore? Very funny. Blood splattage coming from everywhere. It's like they hired a nearsighted male porn star to handle the blood. And since this is a Fred Olen Ray film you get those witty lines such as Harrison (a cop) saying to Jack, "Just what I need a private dick in my face." Har, Har. *** stars out of 5.
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