Post by D-Lo's #1 Fan on Dec 20, 2008 4:41:54 GMT -5
Steiner: See now that I'm the new Pope, you're gona see a few changes around here. I'm gona do away with mass and replace it with the Big Bad Booty Daddy Power Hour. The first half hour you can praise the good Lord in the sky and the second half hour you can all take turns in kissing my biceps!!!!!!! It's Big Poppa Pump communion!!!! YOU DOWN THERE YOU REDNECK! YOU'RE LOOKING THE OTHER WAY! IT SHOULD BE ALL EYES ON ME YOU SONOFABITCH!
Steiner: I got my eyes on you and your fat ass! YOUR FAT ASS. One eye's on that ass and the other one's on you! And I'm doing you an egg and you'll shine my shoes if I want you to! NOW GET MA BAGS!! GET MA BAAAGS!!
Guys: But I don't even know whe-
Steiner jumps on the guy and puts him out in the Recliner.
Steiner: *sigh* .... I'M HUNGRY!!
Last Edit: Dec 20, 2008 13:33:14 GMT -5 by pixiesfan
Post by bradtherad on Dec 20, 2008 14:11:03 GMT -5
Guy walks in to get his haircut.
Guy : Hi, I just need a hai...
Steiner : Get in the CHAIR...GET IN DA CHAAAAAAIR!
Guy : *scared* gets into the chair.
Steiner : So how can Big Poppa's Haircutting go behind and do the haircutting grind tonight?
Guy : Well I was just thinking of a regular hairc...
Steiner : SHUT UP! YOU'RE A REDNECK DUMP!
Guy : *scared*
Steiner starts cutting the guy's hair, poking him accidentally.
Guy : Ow!
Steiner : I'M SANDING ONTO YOUR DUMB REDNECK ASS!
Guy : Ahhh!
Steiner : *keeps poking guy with scissors* YOU SEE WHEN THE EARTH ROTATES AT A 44 DEGREE AXIS, YOU'LL ALL MY FREAKS BUT THEY WONT BE WITH YOUR UGLY REDNECK ASS, THEY'LL BE WITH BIG POPPA PUMP...
Steiner finishes the most horrific haircut in history.
Guy : *upset* So how much is that going to be?
Steiner : *calculates* Well, you take the $25 haircutting fee and then you add 7.89% tax and you get $34 but then you add Kurt Angle's unpaid bill to the mix and your bill DRASTICALL GO UP and you add another 10% and you owe me $137 B*TCH!
Guy : uh here's $25, I don't think I need to pay for Kurt Angle...
Steiner : HUH?!
Guy : I said I don't think I need to pay for Kurt Angle. Have a good day sir...
Guy starts walking out, Steiner runs to chase him with a razor.
Steiner : I'VE GOT THE LARGEST ARMS IN THE WORLD TO BEAT YOUR ASS WITH!
Steiner trips and hurts his ankle. Guy walks out of store as Steiner lies on the floor holding his foot.
Steiner : OWWWWWWWWW! BY THE WAY YOUR MOTHER SUCKS!!!!!
Guy : *shrugs shoulders and walks out*
Next : Scott Steiner as a United Nations Middle East peace negotiator.
Post by D-Lo's #1 Fan on Dec 20, 2008 14:50:45 GMT -5
Steiner: A lot of people think we want peace in the middle east, but the only piece people really want is a piece of Big Poppa Pump! Why should I stop things firing in the middle east, when Booty Daddy can shoot his love rocket right here tonight and show all the women what a real bazooka looks like!
"Alright, come sit down on the largest knee in the world. What do you want for Christmas?"
"A French horn. I play music and I..."
"Did you say FRENCH?! GET THE HELL OFF MY KNEE, YOU TERRIST PIECE OF @#$%! Go back to Hell! Or France, same difference."
Next: Red Carpet for the E! Network
Steiner: I'm standing here on the red carpet to interview some rednecks that we call "actors".....I haven't even seen anybody I'm supposed to recognise yet.....wait a second is that Winona Ryder?! WINONA GETOVERHEREBEFOREIRAMAFOOTUPUR*bleep*.
*Winona's security usher her away, leaving Steiner to give chase*
Steiner: HEH?! You ignorant b**** I'm talking you to white trash! Or do I not own anything you're interested in stealing you redneck!? HEH?!
*Winona is ushered into a waiting car as Steiner catches up to her security team and takes them down one by one with forearm shots to the face*
Steiner (as Goofy): Get away from me you little f****** bastard! I don't want to be wearing the costume of this freaking half-breed Goofy. I'm going to kick my supervisor's ass so hard he'll be flossing with my shoelaces.
Steiner: You want me to do what with this s***?! Playing with plasticine is for f***ing kids!!!! Do I look like a f***ing child to you HEH?!
Intern: But Scott, this was clearly on the job description when you applied for the job....
Steiner: SHUT UP! *clotheslines intern*
Supervisor: Scott, what are you doing to our staff?!
Steiner: Ah, I didn't wana hear his opinion!
*chokes out supervisor with lead pipe*
Next: Contestant on Wife Swap
Scott Steiner: KURT ANGLE, YOUR BITCH KEEPS COMIN' OVER TO MY HOUSE! I'M HUNGRY! KURT ANGLE, YOU REDNECK, TEACH YOUR BITCH HOW TO COOK! GOD DAMN IT, I AIN'T DOIN' THIS NO MORE! I KNOW WE'RE ON A SHOW, I KNOW WE SIGNED A CONTRACT, AND I KNOW WE BOTH GOT WIVES. WHICH MEANS IF YOU DIVIDE ALL FOUR OF US, IT GOES TO 35%! BUT KURT ANGLE, WHEN YOU'RE THE BIG POOPA PUMP, SCOTT STEINER, YOUR CHANCES OF GETTIN MY WIFE DRASTICALLY GO DOWN! I KNOW THIS, CUZ I'M FROM A HIGHLY EDUCATED UNIVERSITY! AND EVERYBODY KNOW, WANTS TO KNOW THAT!
Post by D-Lo's #1 Fan on Dec 24, 2008 3:47:37 GMT -5
*girls party in the back for one of their 16th birthdays*
Steiner: HEY KEEP IT DOWN BACK THERE!
*noise continues so Steiner pulls over*
Steiner: I SAID KEEP THE F***ING NOISE DOWN! ARE YOU TRAMPS DEAF!? IF THIS S*** CONTINUES I'M GONA CLIMB INTO THE BACK AND SHOW YOU HOW BIG POPPA PUMP PARTIES. IT INVOLVES VODKA AND THE POPPING OF A CHERRY OR TWO YOU REDNECK, WHITE TRASH, SLUTS! KEEP YOUR F***ING NOISE DOWN BEFORE I UNLEASH MY LEAD PIPE ON YOU AND I DON'T MEAN THE WEAPON LYING ON THE PASSENGER SEAT!
Post by Bram wants to 'urt you on Dec 24, 2008 9:51:40 GMT -5
Steiner walks on the stage in full suit and sunglasses, raises the mic to his mouth.
Steiner: Is this on?
A mild smattering of laughter and applause ripples through the crowd.
Crowd laughs loudly, some wolf whistles and cheers.
Steiner makes the "quieten down" gesture, the crowd slowly complies.
Steiner: Thank you, thank you very much. It's so good to be here tonight thank you. I'm Scott Steiner <pauses for effect> ...THE BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY no less!
Crowd erupts in loud, raucous laughter. Much whistling and clapping. A combined stamping of feet and chants of "Steiner, Steiner" and "Boo Tee Dad Dee" begins back and forth among the crowd.
Steiner: Thank you, thank you so very much. Anyways, I was with an old friend of mine, you may know the gentleman, THE NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR no less...
Crowd starts clapping and cheering. Spontaneous cries of WOOOO! appear in pockets of the audience.
Steiner: ...And I said to Ric, I said, Hey, Space Mountain, wanna hook up with some FREAKS???
Crowd goes absolutely wild.
Steiner: So I said to the NATURE BOY, wanna hook up with some FREAKS? Because I'm the genetic FREAK, and I can send some FREAKS over to FREAK OUT on Space FREAKIN' Mountain.
Crowd continues to be wild, chants of "Steiner, Steiner" increase.
Steiner: And you know what that leathery old sonofabitch did? You know what he DID? He tried to put ME, the genetic FREAK, in the figure four leg lock, that's what he did. So you know what? You know what I did? The genetic FREAK <crowd cheers> the big bad booty daddy? I'll tell you what I did.
Crowd dies slowly down to silence, in anticipation of the punchline. An occasional shout of WOOOO! is cut short by an elbow to the ribs.
Steiner: I'll tell you what I did. Do you want me to tell you what I did?
Crowd starts clapping, begins quietly but builds up to a crescendo. Steiner gazes across the sea of faces.
Steiner: STEINER RECLINER!!! THAT'S what I did. Heh?!
Crowd goes absolutely ballistic. Steiner leaves the stage.