Stupidest thing you ever said or thought

[Vice honcho room temperature]

One night I was walking back home I saw someone walking their very large dog. I thought to myself why is someone walking a small horse. If I put any thought why would someone have a horse in the suburbs.

[Mattification]

I was off sick from school once and when I got back someone asked me what was wrong. I explained that the day before I had been sick, but was fine the next day.

One of my mates said, 'Ah, like a 24 hour thing?'

I replied, 'Nah it only lasted a day.'


I have no idea where I was going with that.

[Davey is Awesome]

Dave Lasanga

[Deleted]

I'm called "The Walking Calamity" in my house. Do the math.

[invaderdave]

One time, in a bar, in clear view of people who are considered my friends, I pressed my tummy into our table and claimed that "My tummy's eating the table!"

I was not drinking or smoking funny things, either.

[Psicosis Auto Theft]

Sometimes when I see someone drinking a clear glass of apple juice I like to think the apple juice is human urine instead. And this makes me smile and feel good about life.

[Apricots And A Pear Tree]

"Gee i wonder what the Wrestlecrap forum is like?"

[Branimal]

I work for an insurance company.

The other day at work, we were talking about how one company that we sell, have high loss ratios. They have a lot of our business because they have extremely low and competitive rates. Since they have a lot of our business, most of the claims that go through our office are directed toward this particular company..so they're loosing a bit of money.

The lady I was talking to in the office is between the age of 50 and 55. She said, "well, the more money you want to get in terms of premium from clients, the more losses you're inclined to receive."

...to which I replied, "That's right..you know how it goes, Mo' Money, Mo' Problems".

...she looked at me with a look of utter confusion and amazement. I immediately went on my lunch.

[Jelly]

When I'm at work, I always have my phone in my left pocket, and my keys in my right pocket. On my way there last week, I had that feeling of I've forgotten something, so I started feeling both pockets, then freaked out when my keys weren't there....then I realised I was driving.

I also have mistaken a dog for a goat, and a bird for a log, and mentioned it to people, only to be made fun of. A lot!

[Bobeddy]

I was writing out a text message with predictive text on.

I typed out the word 'tool' and it came up as 'took', at which point I thought to myself "Why is Pippin's last name in predictive text?".

I then realised it was the past tense of 'take'.

[Soultastic]

This Christmas, my mother gave me a candy bar she made herself (she's a cooking genius, I don't know how she did it). I ate it, and it was the single most delicious candy I ever had. So tasty and sweet, I felt I was having a sugar rush. So in that moment, I thought to myself (I s*** you not): "This thing is an orgasm in a stick!" It took me less than a second to realize it, and inmediately gave the rest of the candy bar to my little cousin just to get rid off it. I don't think I'll ever be able to enjoy candy again

[Tigerlily]

You know those large toe nail clippers you get to cut your toe nails? I thought they were for blind people. I was looking for a nile file in my Mum's bag and I pulled them out and I went 'What, are these for blind people?' It left my Dad and sister speechless for a while.

[Grendel]

World of Warcraft can't be at all addicting ...

[MAGGLE]

"We should take it slow"


Yeah, I am a guy and I said this once in my life. Will never, ever do that mistake again and I have never done it again to this point.

[Reptar]

Dec 24, 2009 21:25:43 GMT -5 Psicosis Auto Theft said:

Sometimes when I see someone drinking a clear glass of apple juice I like to think the apple juice is human urine instead. And this makes me smile and feel good about life.

That is the greatest thing I have ever heard anyone say about anything.

[Deleted]

I was playing Pool with a then girlfriend's stepdad. I was having a really bad time hitting anything. He said maybe you should try the left handed que. I was like "They make those"? I instantly face-palmed as he laughed at me. I felt so stupid.

[Pervy Stone Cold]

"Why are these straws so narrow?" I stupidly asked.



...Because they were stirrers.

[Mr. Emoticon Man, TF Fan]

"Maybe things will work out better this time... so I'll give her another chance."

Oh, how wrong I was...

[crash1984]

Today I was vacuuming my car and noticed a puddle of water around it and started hoping my car wasn't leaking. Then I noticed several more new puddles of water around my car and got worried something was wrong with my car. Then I remembered I had just went through the car wash.

One I am certain everyone has done is to be looking for something and finding it in their other hand.

[Mozenrath]

I once almost asked a mannequin for directions that was dressed as an employee sitting in a corner, facing away from me. Unfortunately, my girlfriend at the time DID notice this, and didn't let me live it down for a while.

On the bright side, we didn't break up for more than a year after this, so it was unrelated. *shrug*