rdreynolds
Unicron
President, Angry Jim Ross Fan Club
Posts: 2,811
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Post by rdreynolds on May 28, 2010 6:48:49 GMT -5
We're just finishing up the script for the Roast, and figured what the heck...why not give you guys a chance to write some jokes for it? Post your jokes here, and if it's a good one and we use it, we'll add your name to the credits. Have fun!
RD
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on May 28, 2010 7:50:53 GMT -5
"Speaking of jokes, did you watch the last iMPACT?"
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Post by Sir Woodrow on May 28, 2010 8:14:28 GMT -5
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy
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Chainsaw
T
A very BAD man.
It is what it is
Posts: 90,480
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Post by Chainsaw on May 28, 2010 10:11:32 GMT -5
"Blade Braxton is here tonight! Blade is well known for being 'all about the clam', but because of this, he's well known for being 'all about the crabs' also..."
Basically, you can take everything Norm McDonald said at the Bob Sagat Celebrity Roast and use it here.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on May 28, 2010 10:41:48 GMT -5
I wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself
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crash1984
Unicron
Scavenger Hunt All-Star
You don't need pants for the victory dance
Posts: 3,039
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Post by crash1984 on May 28, 2010 11:38:38 GMT -5
"They were hoping to get R.D. And Blades best friends for this occasion, but both of them are in the nut house for stalking Vince Russo"
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Thrillho
Dennis Stamp
0 Days since last "incident"james.anderson1989jamesandersonmusicJimBillAnderson
Posts: 3,740
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Post by Thrillho on May 28, 2010 11:56:10 GMT -5
I've sent a couple to Blade via Facebook, but I'll post them here, because I'm not sure if it's what you meant.
"I'm not saying Wrestlecrap Radio is old fashioned, but when was the last time you heard of a roast?"
"We all know Stubby has some skeletons in his closet. In fact, I think I know where Perry Saturn is."
"I'd like to congratulate RD for being inducted into the Straight Edge Society. Not that you can tell from looking at him"
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rdreynolds
Unicron
President, Angry Jim Ross Fan Club
Posts: 2,811
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Post by rdreynolds on May 28, 2010 13:18:59 GMT -5
"We all know Stubby has some skeletons in his closet. In fact, I think I know where Perry Saturn is."; THAT is exactly what we're looking for! RD
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livetowin
Dennis Stamp
Just Keep Walkin'
Don't be negatin'!
Posts: 4,430
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Post by livetowin on May 28, 2010 13:33:54 GMT -5
"You know the other day someone asked me if I saw the latest wrestlecrap radio video. I told him...I CERTAINLY HOPE SO!"
"You know I picked up the Best of Wrestlecrap DVD...No disc inside though!"
So a blind guy takes his dog into a bar, and Mike Check is on the radio. Check plays a song everyone doesn't mind, and the dog runs a lap around the bar and jumps on the stool tired. Check talks about his days working for WTRP in Canada, and the dog runs TWO laps, jumps backwards on the stool, and is tired. The bartender says "Wow, your dog is a helluva Mike Check fan, what does he do when Check's actually entertaining?" The blind guy says "I don't know, I've only had him for thirty years!"
"Sure is nice to have all our listeners show up here for the taping...Even better to know all 4 of us could fit in the basement!"
"Hey Blade. The Detroit Lions."
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Post by ani on May 28, 2010 13:41:13 GMT -5
Here's what I emailed R.D. -"And Mrs. Deal...WHOA MAMMA! I haven't seen a bust like that since the first overall pick of the 1990 NFL draft!" (Said by Angry Jim Ross who starts to get out of hand as the roast goes longer .) -"I have to admit Blade and R.D., I'm not really gay...I clearly started the ruse to test out the psychological feelings of people who may or may not like those who have same sex partners. I apologize...FOR JUST LYING RIGHT THERE, AYUK AYUK AYUK AYUK!" (Said by Gay Popeye if he's there.) -"Well R.D., you know...you're about as invigorating as a...MOUTHFUL of sawdust and water! (Mike Check.)
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BorneAgain
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,285
Member is Online
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Post by BorneAgain on May 28, 2010 14:00:49 GMT -5
Most of these are probably too mean and/or vulgar, but what the hell.
"Now a lot of TNA correspondents typically are annoying, obnoxious, and aren't ever helpful, but then they do something wonderful.
They die."
"I'm not saying Nathaniel doesn't have luck with the ladies, but only threesome he's had was when he had a picture of Angelina Love and Velvet Sky."
"Having a 5 minute conversation with Mike Check is a lot like watching Raw: Its slow, its monotonous, and at the end of it, you realize its two hours you're never getting back."
"Wrestlecrap Radio is an institution; in that it is filled with people who ramble incoherently and would likely pleasure themselves on public transportation."
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rdreynolds
Unicron
President, Angry Jim Ross Fan Club
Posts: 2,811
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Post by rdreynolds on May 28, 2010 14:09:53 GMT -5
Most of these are probably too mean and/or vulgar, but what the hell. "Now a lot of TNA correspondents typically are annoying, obnoxious, and aren't ever helpful, but then they do something wonderful. They die." "I'm not saying Nathaniel doesn't have luck with the ladies, but only threesome he's had was when he had a picture of Angelina Love and Velvet Sky." "Having a 5 minute conversation with Mike is a lot like watching Raw: Its slow, its monotonous, and at the end of it, you realize its two hours you're never getting back." "Wrestlecrap Radio is an institution; in that it is filled with people who ramble incoherently and would likely pleasure themselves on public transportation." These are fantastic! Keep 'em rollin'! RD
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Post by ani on May 28, 2010 14:21:20 GMT -5
Thought of some more. These are a bit more mean spirited, thus being more suitable for a roast ;D:
For Blade: -"They say Blade Braxton is a man of many personalities but that's not true. Isn't that right Troy?"
-"Lot of people say Blade is a crude man with no consideration for other's feelings but that's not true. He notified the family of the hooker he killed and offered to take them out to dinner."
-"Blade is not really a big Misfits fan to be honest. It's a ruse to keep the young kids happy. When he's at home, he turns off the lights, puts on the headphones and dances to Lesley Gore on end."
-"Blade is into S&M...he watches the Lions AND the Royals!"
For R.D: -"R.D. Reynolds is a jolly robust man who makes people laugh but then again, so did John Wayne Gacy."
-"When R.D. Reynolds goes to a buffet...they just let him in. Oh they've tried padlocking the door, ordering extra plates, and reinforcing the ground but nothing has worked."
-"Let's face it Deal. The Colts aren't really that bad and that's due to one person. The one...and only, Jim Sorgi."
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Post by D2: Sweet & Sour Edition on May 28, 2010 14:51:39 GMT -5
That's the first one that's made me go "OH SHIT!" out loud. Bravo, sir. Bravo. That line gets used or there's a riot.
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chac
ALF
O.D.H.G.A.B.F.E
Posts: 1,076
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Post by chac on May 28, 2010 14:53:23 GMT -5
Gay Popeye only addresses angry Jim Ross as Mr. BBQ Man.
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Post by D2: Sweet & Sour Edition on May 28, 2010 14:57:20 GMT -5
Gay Popeye only addresses angry Jim Ross as Mr. BBQ Man. Gay Popeye + Angry Jim Ross + BBQ Pulled Pork It writes itself.
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Raging_Demons
Don Corleone
I Can Ride My Bike With No Handlebars, No Handlebars, No Handlebars!
Posts: 1,620
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Post by Raging_Demons on May 28, 2010 16:47:22 GMT -5
"Gay Popeye & Angry Jim Ross one time worked together during the Wrestlecrap Draft. After the show Gay Popeye wanted to work for Angry Jim Ross because he keeps hearing how he beats his meat."
"When Deal heard the show 'Armed & Famous' starring Trish Stratus was in town for filming he wanted to meet her. Unfortunately you can't get arrested for making bad puns."
"So Stewart Patrick is the TNA Director of Marketing. Wait, there's a Director of Marketing?"
"I hear Stubby's popular with the ladies, he always gives them wood."
"RD's wife, Mrs. Deal, makes a killing in the Stock Market. Yeah. She killed the Stock Broker for giving her bad stock tips."
"The Midnight Rose is in the audience. When I heard for the first time that he refers to the women that he loves as 'pelicans', first thing I thought of was 'The Midnight Rose has sex with birds?' "
"Blade Braxton, Wrestlecrap's resident drunk is here tonight. His drink of choice is beer & V8. You know what I call that drink? Crap!"
"You can tell that Deal wanted to do 'Wrestlecrap Radio' ever since he was a little baby. In fact Deal's first ever words were...SPEAKING OF!"
"Blade loves Mickie James a lot that he coined the word 'Centaurlicious' which means Mickie James ass is SO BIG that it's like a horse. When Mickie James heard about Blade & if she likes him, she said 'Neigh' ". (like a horse's whinny).
"For TNA Correspondents Trolla has designed Johnny 6, MegaTrolla, & Johnny 4. Two more Trolla robots & they can form Voltron!"
"Deal is married & has a kid but he's so boring." (Crowd goes "How Boring Is He?!?") "Deal's SO Boring watching paint dry is a 'Hell In A Cell Match' for him."
"Blade, can you tell us about Scale Face one more time please?"
"Don Mason is in the audience tonight. I went to the supermarket with Don for some groceries & I got a bottle of Wesson Corn Oil, Don says 'I got a date tonight so no thanks.' "
"Mike Check is here. Mike do you mind if I put a pizza in the oven? By the time your finished on stage it would be done."
"The Straight-Edge S****er BM Punk is here. The only man I know that wants to be liquid from the waste down!"
"Nathaniel is like the famous YouTube 911 caller Victor Fuentes, Too Much Information MAN!"
"Vince Russo is a big fan of Wrestlecrap Radio because he's been on twice. When Russo was asked why he was on the show he said 'They are the only ones that are worse than me!' "
"Deal & Blade had an Internet War with Damien DeMento. In the end DeMento was punished by hosting the show. Oh! Sorry Triple Kelly."
"Deal & Blade lost a NBA bet with me on whether the Lakers will loose. So Guys...I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!"
"Peter Gazer isn't here tonight because he's in jail. He's arrested for impersonating Blade running around with no pants!"
"Deal loves to sing Cher songs & it goes nowhere. Ironically Cher likes to sing songs by RD Reynolds & Blade Braxton & it killed her career."
(Only pro wrestling characters, like BM Punk or Nintendo John) "I asked Deal one time if I should get into a wrestling feud with Jon Cena, Deal said feud over Cena's hat because all feud should involve a hat. I did...and lost 5 seconds later!"
"When David Lee Roth's radio show got canceled, Deal immediately got him as a guest TNA Correspondent. It goes to show you that even David Lee Roth needs a paycheck."
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crash1984
Unicron
Scavenger Hunt All-Star
You don't need pants for the victory dance
Posts: 3,039
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Post by crash1984 on May 28, 2010 16:58:43 GMT -5
"R.D. has more mouth than a baboon has ass."
"Wrestlecrap is worse than a dose of crabs"
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Post by Premier Blah on May 28, 2010 17:22:58 GMT -5
The show grows on me after a while...like a tumor.
We could have held the roast in Kansas, but we chose to tell them in Indianapolis because of the high regard for the people of...Kansas.
He's good at everything he does...if he actually did anything.
He doesn't have a bad word to say to anyone...if he knew anyone.
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Post by Premier Blah on May 28, 2010 17:40:00 GMT -5
He's been called open-minded... which is far kinder than labeling him empty-headed.
He's not a TOTAL idiot. Some pieces are missing from him.
He's the person people enjoy running into... while driving.
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