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Post by Pervy Stone Cold on Dec 22, 2010 21:54:38 GMT -5
Hello Charlie the Alligator (From Maisy)
It's been a while since the last time I saw the show, but I still remember you were my favorite out of the bunch.
Go Gator! (Not the Florida football team)
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Post by Young Game on Dec 22, 2010 22:12:51 GMT -5
Dear FedEx,
THANKS FOR NOTHIN'!!!
I wasted a whole freakin' day waiting on a package that never came because your driver was "too afraid to drive out to my neighborhood".
Just because a couple of shady characters live in the apartment down the way doesn't mean your driver should be afraid. They are harmless. They wouldn't even bust a grape in a fruit fight.
To the best of my knowledge, they only leave the apartment to check the mail.
Sincerely, Yours Truly
Which reminds me...
Dear Shady Characters That Live Down The Way,
I'd really appreciate it if you would STOP trying to talk to me when I'm checking my mail or going out for a jog.
You're repetitive, and you both smell like onions.
Thanks A Bunch, You Know Who
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Post by FUNK_US/BRODUS on Dec 22, 2010 22:55:55 GMT -5
John Cena,
I remember being a 12 year old kid watching you make your debut against Kurt Angle, I remember seeing you come out there with that stupid generic music that no-one cared about. I remember the way you slapped Kurt Angle square in the face. I REMEMBER WATCHING YOU TAKE THAT MAN TO THE LIMIT. YOU WERE RAW, YOU WERE HUNGRY, YOU WERE AN ANIMAL, JOHN. A FREAKING ANIMAL!
Then we started to see a little more into you. Out came the chains, the jerseys and the freestyles. You were *so* adorable busting out your little rhymes, Cena. We all laughed and shouted along with the last word because we thought it was cool to swear on TV. We all booed for you, although we secretly wanted to cheer for you. I was just the same, Cena. I was just like all those other kids. When your time came, and you told Heyman to shove it, we loved it, Cena. We cheered for you, I CHEERED FOR YOU, CENA! I was 14 years old, I looked up to you. You were everything us little kids needed. The sky was the limit for you. You finally rose to the top of the mountain, and we were the ones that carried you up there. Everything you earned, every pinfall, every submission, me, and every other member of the WWE Universe, we were chanting for you all the way!
And that's where it started to go downhill. That's where the trian fell off the tracks, Cena. That's where you became the corporate sham that you are today, you piece of trash. You fraud, YOU SELLOUT! It wasn't about the fans after that. You didn't need us! You just knew every little kid out there would talk their mother and father into buying whatever garbage you wore on your back, because you knew they would do whatever you told them to!
The fire had died out. We saw the same garbage over and over again. You know those fans who chanted "You Can't Wrestle"? They were right, John! You turned on us, and we turned our backs on you. We grew up with you, Cena. You stole my love for this sport from me. Everytime I turned on the TV, you were there. Every time I went to WWE.com, you were there. Everytime I wanted a new WWE t-shirt, they told me to buy YOUR stuff. Why? Do you not have enough money? Did your 100th movie in which you play a disgruntled action hero fail AGAIN? Did you ever get round to releasing a second rap album? I bet, no I hope, no... I PRAY the answer is no. Because I'm sick of hearing about you. I'm sick of hearing from you. I'm sick of being told I can't see you, I'm sick of being told "The Champ is Here". I'm sick of you.
You're a cancer, Cena. You're the cancer that is killing the company that Triple H, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, all those guys, they brought me to this company, Cena. They're the ones who put my butt in the seat. I remember as a kid watching Shawn Michaels fulfill the boyhoof dream. I remember watching Bret Hart break out of the Perfect-Plex. I remember giving Steve Austin a "Hell Yeah!".
You know what I remember about you Cena? Every single stupid t-shirt you ever brought out, every stupid slogan you tried to pass off, every single lame and unfunny joke that you expected grown men to laugh at. You're an insult to our intelligence, and to be honest, Cena, you're the reason why this company is no longer what it used to be. You're making this company sick, you're making the WWE Universe sick, and you're making me SICK!
*hits Cena with the microphone, and then delivers finishing move, and walks out through the crowd, only to see CM Punk run the opposite way, chair in hand*
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Post by Wolf Hawkfield no1 NZ poster on Dec 22, 2010 23:40:00 GMT -5
Dear people who use the term Open letter.
I'm sorry but unless you are someone of important don't use it because the person who it is intended for is never going to read it and at the same time you come across as an annoying self important douchebag.
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Post by blackmegaman on Dec 22, 2010 23:41:55 GMT -5
John Cena, I remember being a 12 year old kid watching you make your debut against Kurt Angle, I remember seeing you come out there with that stupid generic music that no-one cared about. I remember the way you slapped Kurt Angle square in the face. I REMEMBER WATCHING YOU TAKE THAT MAN TO THE LIMIT. YOU WERE RAW, YOU WERE HUNGRY, YOU WERE AN ANIMAL, JOHN. A FREAKING ANIMAL! Then we started to see a little more into you. Out came the chains, the jerseys and the freestyles. You were *so* adorable busting out your little rhymes, Cena. We all laughed and shouted along with the last word because we thought it was cool to swear on TV. We all booed for you, although we secretly wanted to cheer for you. I was just the same, Cena. I was just like all those other kids. When your time came, and you told Heyman to shove it, we loved it, Cena. We cheered for you, I CHEERED FOR YOU, CENA! I was 14 years old, I looked up to you. You were everything us little kids needed. The sky was the limit for you. You finally rose to the top of the mountain, and we were the ones that carried you up there. Everything you earned, every pinfall, every submission, me, and every other member of the WWE Universe, we were chanting for you all the way! And that's where it started to go downhill. That's where the trian fell off the tracks, Cena. That's where you became the corporate sham that you are today, you piece of trash. You fraud, YOU SELLOUT! It wasn't about the fans after that. You didn't need us! You just knew every little kid out there would talk their mother and father into buying whatever garbage you wore on your back, because you knew they would do whatever you told them to! The fire had died out. We saw the same garbage over and over again. You know those fans who chanted "You Can't Wrestle"? They were right, John! You turned on us, and we turned our backs on you. We grew up with you, Cena. You stole my love for this sport from me. Everytime I turned on the TV, you were there. Every time I went to WWE.com, you were there. Everytime I wanted a new WWE t-shirt, they told me to buy YOUR stuff. Why? Do you not have enough money? Did your 100th movie in which you play a disgruntled action hero fail AGAIN? Did you ever get round to releasing a second rap album? I bet, no I hope, no... I PRAY the answer is no. Because I'm sick of hearing about you. I'm sick of hearing from you. I'm sick of being told I can't see you, I'm sick of being told "The Champ is Here". I'm sick of you. You're a cancer, Cena. You're the cancer that is killing the company that Triple H, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, all those guys, they brought me to this company, Cena. They're the ones who put my butt in the seat. I remember as a kid watching Shawn Michaels fulfill the boyhoof dream. I remember watching Bret Hart break out of the Perfect-Plex. I remember giving Steve Austin a "Hell Yeah!". You know what I remember about you Cena? Every single stupid t-shirt you ever brought out, every stupid slogan you tried to pass off, every single lame and unfunny joke that you expected grown men to laugh at. You're an insult to our intelligence, and to be honest, Cena, you're the reason why this company is no longer what it used to be. You're making this company sick, you're making the WWE Universe sick, and you're making me SICK! *hits Cena with the microphone, and then delivers finishing move, and walks out through the crowd, only to see CM Punk run the opposite way, chair in hand* Mizgirl is that you ??
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Post by Alex Shelley on Dec 22, 2010 23:45:45 GMT -5
Dear Dad,
You've turned into a cliche. Please stop.
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Post by aka Cthulhu on Dec 23, 2010 0:48:31 GMT -5
Dear Myself
You are awesome. *clap-clap-clap-clap-clap*
Dear Rice and Fried Beef + Fat
Why are you so easy to cook yet so delicious?
Dear Two Books that I bought yesterday
Hooray for both of you.
P.S.
Today is another good day.
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Post by Young Game on Dec 23, 2010 0:54:55 GMT -5
Dear people who use the term Open letter. I'm sorry but unless you are someone of important don't use it because the person who it is intended for is never going to read it and at the same time you come across as an annoying self important douchebag. Maybe not, but, it sure is therapeutic. I can't speak for anyone else, but, I sure felt better as soon as I posted mine. Also, what with Festivus and everything, I consider it akin to an Airing of Grievances.
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The Ichi
Patti Mayonnaise
AGGRESSIVE Executive Janitor of the Third Floor Manager's Bathroom
Posts: 37,278
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Post by The Ichi on Dec 23, 2010 7:43:44 GMT -5
Dear Wolf Hawkfield,
I'm sorry that my attempt at a non-serious thread to pass some time because I couldn't sleep last night prompted such feelings of anger, but please relax for a second and know that not everyone that does something is doing it to be a "self important douchebag". Which reminds me...
Dear internet,
Please get some new f***ing insults. The word "douchebag" has become synonymous with uncreativity. Infact, effective from 2011 I'm going to start a petition to make the word punishable by death. I'm sure it will fail just like my last petition to ban the word "smark", but I hope to at least send a powerful message and put people on the right path. Thank you.
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Post by strykerdarksilence on Dec 23, 2010 13:06:21 GMT -5
Dear Stryker: I got your back. Hooray! There are 2 of us!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2010 13:15:42 GMT -5
Dear Boober Fraggle,
From one afflicted by OCD to another; don't worry, you'll be ok.
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CMWaters
Ozymandius
Rolled a Seven, Beat the Ads.
Bald and busy
Posts: 63,061
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Post by CMWaters on Dec 23, 2010 13:18:46 GMT -5
Dear People Who Order Pizza At Night: PLEASE keep in mind what time the store closes. We are human beings that want to get to doing other things besides having to stay at the store later than we need too. PLEASE refrain from ordering IN THE LAST 10 MINUTES THAT WE'RE OPEN FOR!!!
Regards, Chris.
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Post by aka Cthulhu on Dec 23, 2010 13:26:34 GMT -5
Dear Stryker: I got your back. Hooray! There are 2 of us! Dear Stryker: I got your nose.
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"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
You couldn't ask for a better custom title!
How do you spell "Goddess"? C-H-R-I-S-T-Y!
Posts: 15,300
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Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Dec 23, 2010 15:18:52 GMT -5
Dear Buffalo Wild Wings Customers: Yes, our food is delicious; even moreso when you're drunk. And even I have to admit, 45 cents per boneless wing is a great deal. But it's the holidays; shouldn't you be with your family, or friends? Why should I have to make food for you, you unappreciative bastard(s)/bitch(es), five minutes before we close, just because wings go great with beer?
I don't mind cooking a bunch of artery-clogging, heart attack-giving, greasy nastiness during normal dinner hours. Also, I do understand the joys of getting drunk and eating the aforementioned greasy food. But I have a family, and we have roommates, and I don't want to tiptoe into my house at 3:30 in the morning just because you want whatever-the-hell. Stop ordering food at around 1:00, and we're fine.
Love Always, Matt the Cook ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jackie, Just because you owned the restaurant where I used to work, and just because my dad is still a regular there, and just because I made some friends while working for you, does not mean you and I are friends. I wish you no harm, but I don't want to wave at you when I drive past your house, especially since it's nearly every day since you live only a few doors down from where my wife works.
Also, you're gross. I really hope, for the sake of your employees, that you've stopped going into detail about your sex life while working. Oh, and I called it: I knew that once you and Lyle got married, you'd be divorced within a year.
How's Bob, by the way?
Yours, Matt
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Square
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Official Ambassador
Grand Poobah of Scavenger Hunts 2011
Square-Because he looks good at all the right angles.
Posts: 18,700
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Post by Square on Dec 23, 2010 15:22:20 GMT -5
Dear anyone that uses , Stop. It's stupid. Signed Square Dear people that use facepalms and "Haters gonna hate", Stop. Signed, Square
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Post by The Tank on Dec 23, 2010 15:26:44 GMT -5
Dear anyone that uses , Stop. It's stupid. Signed Square Dear people that use facepalms and "Haters gonna hate", Stop. Signed, Square Dear Square, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I agree with you 100% on both of these points. Reluctantly, The Tank
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Square
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Official Ambassador
Grand Poobah of Scavenger Hunts 2011
Square-Because he looks good at all the right angles.
Posts: 18,700
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Post by Square on Dec 23, 2010 15:58:49 GMT -5
Dear anyone that uses , Stop. It's stupid. Signed Square Dear people that use facepalms and "Haters gonna hate", Stop. Signed, Square Dear Square, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I agree with you 100% on both of these points. Reluctantly, The Tank Dear Tank, Whats with the reluctanly and I can't believe it? Sadly, Square
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Glitch
King Koopa
Not Going To Die; Childs, we're goin' out to give Blair the test. If he tries to make it back here and we're not with him... burn him.
Watching you.
Posts: 12,714
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Post by Glitch on Dec 23, 2010 16:24:26 GMT -5
Dear boxes at work, Stop being so f@#king heavy. your not impressing anybody and your making my back hurt. sincerely the guy who has to move your lazy asses.
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Post by Bullhead on Dec 23, 2010 17:25:40 GMT -5
Dear Large-Breasted Women Who Wear Low-cut Tops In Public And Then Get Mad When People Stare,
If you put the ladies out on display you can't expect us all to ignore them. There's no point in getting angry. Guys are going to look. Some girls, too. Either cover up or deal with it.
Regards, Wandering eyes everywhere
P.S. Thank you
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Post by Bravo Echo November on Dec 23, 2010 17:32:32 GMT -5
Dear Modern Parents,
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take your kids to a midnight opening, 9/10 they are annoying and you rightfully deserve that frustration the next morning when trying to wake them up.
Also too, if a film is rated R head the damn rating, don't get pissed at the theater owner due to your incompetence/stupidity.
-Ben
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