Posted a day early, here's the new blog review, and once again, it's super-duper sized. Hope this one gets people talking, if for no other reason than just for the opening rant. I'd welcome a few people calling me a dinosaur for not giving in to Blu-Rays and Netflix.
Last October, I gave the full Blood, Guts and Tears review treatment to
Basket Case, the all singing, all dancing, Siamese twin boob fondling exploitation film from 1982 that stands today as a beloved cult classic. While I hated the film when I first caught it on AMC at three in the morning some long ago night ten years ago, the film's one-of-a-kind plot, sick murder scenes and wry self-aware campiness won me over the second time around, ultimately resulting in my personal favorite blog review. For those of you who missed it (and if you did, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? It's RIGHTCHERE at
bloodgutstears.blogspot.com/2011/10/unapologetically-over-top-gory-goofy.html), it's a movie about a dude who carries his Siamese twin brother - or, more specifically, a freakish-looking head and arms beast - around in a wicker basket, hence the name, as they attempt to murder the doctors who separated them. Along the way, devil-child Siamese twin boy - named Belial - attempts to mack it to several ladies. Suck it, Shakespeare. You've got nothing on this.
At any rate, while I loved watching the sharp picture quality and listening to the pristine Dolby audio on my DVD copy of the film...something just didn't feel right. Here's this trashy, grimy, sleazy movie from the early '80s with a five-piece chicken tenders budget and enough buckets of fake blood to make Bob Keane piss himself with envy...and I had to witness some expertly-created animated menu screens? And didn't get to soak up any upcoming horror movie trailers first? And, of course, the real shot to the nuts - after the movie's hilarious, sad, and tragic (it's all simultaneous, believe me) conclusion, the credits began rolling and I DIDN'T have to press STOP and hit REWIND? What the hell is wrong with the world?
At any rate, the Horror Nerd is ready to revisit the world of Duane and Belial Bradley, and he's doing it the RIGHT way!!
Yup, that sexy beast that you see in the above picture who may or may not be the author of this manifesto is tackling
Basket Case 2 the way that God himself intended - on an old, beat-up VHS former rental copy, found via various personal dealings and acquired for the low-low price of three bucks.
It depresses me on so many levels that there is an entire generation of kids out there who have likely never used or watch a VHS tape, due to the newfangled discs and digital video recorders and what not. So Generation Z, let me be the one to break it to you that you missed out big time, because VHS is STILL the greatest home video format of all time. Gloriously inefficient, wonderfully clunky and a pain in the ass to store due to their bulky size, watching movies on VHS is simply more FUN than watching a movie on any other format. You know why? Because they have SOUL. So get ready, BG&T readers, because it's time for some good ol' curmudgeonly old man ranting.
Almost all of the community experience has been stripped away from watching movies at home, be it by rental or by purchase. We buy films on Amazon, and they're at our door within a matter of days. We swarm to Netflix and other onlne rental places like misguided bats, browsing the virtual title listings and adding titles to queues (or even worse, watching our movies via...*holds back gag reflex*...instant streaming), reducing the act of sampling or purchasing movies to acquiring the services of a prostitute for the evening. Or a mail-order bride, I guess, if you're buying the damn thing on Amazon or eBay. Yes, Mr. Movie Pimp, please send me the action movie from last summer with that guy who was in
300. I hear it's got a real pretty mouth. OK, I've shot my load now - you can deduct my money at the end of the month from my credit card. But my preference for VHS over the discs that replaced them goes deeper than that.
I don't care how technologically advanced and cool Blu-Ray discs are. I don't care that if anything was more sharp-looking the human eye wouldn't be able to process it, or that the sound gives home viewers the true "movie theater experience," whatever the hell that means. There's no soul to that format whatsoever. Screw perfection, I enjoy being able to SEE the imperfections that come from a video device being watched a thousand times. It reminds me that I'm not alone, that some other sad soul out there, on some lonely night, thought that watching
Ghoulies or
Sleepaway Camp sounded like a good idea. Thus, it's almost because of the limitations of VHS technology that the very act of watching a movie on this format was so damn much fun. You were part of a community, and you could actually friggin' SEE it.
It's not like I'm innocent - I've bought plenty of movies on Amazon and have a pretty sizable DVD collection, but at the video store that I frequented during college, if given a choice between DVD and VHS, I'd go with the dusty old VHS copy every time. In addition to that, I've never bothered to upgrade many of the most beloved movies of my youth, despite the fact that I've had plenty of opportunities to do so, as my VHS copies of the
Star Wars trilogy (the originals - what prequels do you speak of?) and the
Indiana Jones trilogy (what fourth movie do you speak of?) will always be the only way I'll ever watch those movies. And I still refuse to give any money to Netflix. To me, that company is the devil incarnate.
Where was I? Oh yeah -
Basket Case 2. Back in the days of the childhood of Jon Lickness, the local video hut was the place to be on Friday or Saturday night, and at this time VHS ruled the roost. Remember when we used to drive or WALK to brick-and-mortar stores to peruse actual, physical aisles - sometimes ROWS UPON ROWS of them - without a clear destination in mind, waiting for that special film to call out your name? When the format exploded in popularity in the early '80s, we were in the golden age of the slasher film, and for yours truly horror films and VHS tapes go hand in hand. Hell, they do for a lot of people. There was nothing quite like bringing a tape of some cheaply made and overtly schlocky gore flick up to the clerk (or, even better, actually TELLING the guy what movie you wanted if all the movies were behind the counter - yes, kids, this occasionally happened!), and either getting a confused stare in response or a hearty, humorous "Dude! I've seen that movie!" I can't say that the time of brick-and-mortar video stores and rental tapes was simpler, but add it all together and this whole experience just can't be matched with all the sparkly new formats and pointing and clicking at what goddamn movie you want to watch.
It is from this ancient method that the Horror Nerd watched many, many fine and not-so-fine horror films throughout the years for the first time - all of the
Nightmare on Elm Street movies, all of Chucky's flicks, Stephen King's
The Mangler,
The Town That Dreaded Sundown,
The Toxic Avenger...you get the idea. And a few months after re-seeing and highly enjoying Frank Henenlotter's sick splatterfest
Basket Case, I'm not just going to watch this sequel on VHS and call it a day. I'm going COMPLETELY old-school, affording myself research on only the cast since it makes the review a bit easier to read but no other background information, because we didn't get that back in the day. No photos culled from the internet - all the screenshots you're about to see are photos that I personally took of my television screen as I watched this movie. And, just to show you all how dedicated I am, no subtitles. Made all the easier because this tape doesn't have them.
THE MOVIE!!!
Starting things RIGHT [/Public Enemy] is the old-school FBI warning and a few crackles of audio difficulties of some unknown origin. I already feel at home. The movie itself kicks off with a montage of the ending of the original film, as Duane and Belial toss themselves out of a window and fall to certain doom. And it ranks right up there with Red finding Andy in the "instant tears" department. Selling the story even more is an attractive blonde reporter who gives us the story, complete with a cameo from the skaggy prostitute from the original film. Wow. Now that's continuity you CAN'T get in the
Pirates of the Caribbean movies.
Only the fall from their second story apartment WASN'T certain doom, as doctors rush the siblings away to a nearby hospital It doesn't take long for this movie to turn into a laugh riot, as one of the hospital security guards is a lecherous deviant (kind of like Bud in
Halloween II) who uses a few cheesy come-on lines on one of the hottie nurses only to be rebuked. Security guard goes to check on Duane, whose vital organs and fantastic hair are hooked up to various forms of life support, while the nurse checks on Belial. It's here where we get our first glimpse of the little (big) guy in this film. But it gets better. Since this is a horror movie, Belial of course springs to life and makes his way to his brother's room, killing the d**k out of lecherous security guard with a quickness.
It became apparent right away that this movie had a much bigger budget than the original. In the first film, whenever Belial was on the move, it looked like he was warping across a room faster than the speed of sound due to some truly terrible stop-motion photography. In this movie, he's clearly a puppet for the entirety of his onscreen exploits, and the movement and mannerisms are much more fluid. Just ask lecherous security guard. He doesn't seem to be enjoying the new, improved Belial Bradley's newfound agility.
After a daring escape from the hospital (during which Duane shoves his brother into a towel cart), they are picked up by two new characters. Earlier in the movie, two women - one older and one younger - had been shown watching news reports of the Belial rampage, and in a shocking twist these are your two rescuers. And, well, if you're a possessor of a glorious semi-fro with an evil human mass for a brother who has also just murdered several people, you should immediately trust anyone who offers you a ride.
In the morning, we find out who these people are, and it's here where
Basket Case 2 gets an identity. It turns out that the older woman, named Granny Ruth and played by Annie Ross (who amazingly enough has more than ten ALBUMS to her credit as a musical performer), was a friend of Duane and Belial's crazy aunt who assisted them in escaping from their evil parents all those years ago. She runs a kind of halfway house for...uh...strange human beings, and it's safe to say that Belial fits into this category. Before Duane can process all this (in addition to the sight of Ruth's hot granddaughter Susan), she takes him upstairs to meet the freaks in person.
Apparently somebody else on some long-ago night found these scenes as fascinating as I did, because the video quality lagged severely during the "meet the weirdos" scene. And man, what a cast of mutants this movie has. One of them is nothing more than a massive head who sings like Pavarotti, one of them is some kind of bizarre human-frog hybrid (complete with RIBBIT sound effects, holy Christ), and yet another one is a former conjoined mass eerily similar to Belial but also decidedly female. While the movie has TONS of shots of the freaks as a group, I decided not to snap a photo of any of them. This movie's sideshow supporting cast is just something that you have to see for yourself.
The movie then warps forward in time a year, as an ace reporter (called only "News Woman" in the ending credits but called "Marcie" by a few unfortunate souls in this movie) working at a trashy tabloid newspaper is given an assignment by her boss - come up with some new theories on the long-missing "Bradley twins" case, and if possible, find the weirdos. Sounds like a license to print money to me. At any rate, Marcie (and yes, at some point in this movie they say her last name, but apparently I wasn't paying enough attention to write it down in my notes) is played by Judy Grafe, better known as the FREAKING MOM FROM
PETE AND PETE. AMAZING. Much like the first movie, I didn't know what to expect when I popped in this videocassette, but the mother from one of my favorite shows as a kid in a dislikable snooping reporter role wasn't one of them.
Meanwhile, Duane and Bradley appear to have adjusted to life at Granny Ruth's commune. In a strange way, Ruth is a really likable character, and it's here where we get the line of the movie. While sitting Belial down (or at least as much as one can sit when they're a legless tumor) for therapy, she speaks a few soothing words to appeal to Belial's good side and feelings of resentment but then adds that "ripping people's faces off might not be in your best interest!" I'll let the cat out of the bag, I fell off my chair. Duane has struck up a close friendship with Susan, walks with a cane to sell the fall from the first film, and has CUT OFF HIS SAMSON-ESQUE LOCKS. For the record, Duane is still played by Kevin Van Hentenryck, and the eight-year layover between these two films has actually done him some favors in the acting department. He's got this kind of William Shatner presence in this movie, more than aware that he isn't a master thespian and exploiting that to the fullest by being as goofy as possible.
We get clued in on one of our key subplots within the epic scope that is
Basket Case 2 here. See, Duane now feels that he is completely "normal," and wants to get away from his brother and murderous revenge plots for good. He has a deep, meaningful conversation with Susan here where he says that he wants to leave and take her with him. By the way, the chick playing Susan is bad beyond compare, delivering her lines with as much raw emotion as Christian Bale on sedatives. As it turns out, she doesn't want to go with, saying that she "belongs here" in some beat-you-over-the-head foreshadowing that we'll be getting to later. Immediately after this stirring scene, he heads upstairs to break the news to Belial, who is holding hands with the female conjoined entity. Yes, sir,
Basket Case 2 proudly features the "Belial gets a girlfriend!" plot.
We're about to get some decent complications in the plot. Marcie, along with her photographer friend Artie, heads out to Granny Ruth's to get her expert advice on strange-looking people. While there, she spots Duane and recognizes him and quickly makes her exit, and both Ruth and Duane realize that the jig is up. As Marcie immediately begins scheming with her cameraman about how to exploit this story for all the monetary gain possible, Duane realizes the error of his ways and offers to stay behind until this threat to the commune's privacy has been extinguished. And there's only one way to do that. In the scene of the movie, Ruth wanders upstairs to the freakatorium, giving this epic, over-the-top rah-rah speech to her charges about "STAAAAAYIIIINNNNGGGG!!!" and "FIIIIIGGGGHHHTTTTIIINNNNGGGGG!!!!" Knute Rockne has nothing on this s***. Even better, the freaks pump their fists in the air and chant "FIGHT" along with her. It's completely ridiculous, completely out of place...and I love it.
The first guy up on the kill train is Artie, who offers to wander into the house to try to get some pictures after dark. In the annals of dumb horror movie plans, this ranks right up there with the great ones. He gets boxed around by the brigade before Belial performs the coup de grace. The body count in this one is keeping pace with the first movie, since earlier there had also been a completely inconsequential death of a sideshow host who claimed to have Belial's body on display only to be hunted down by Granny Ruth and Belial. One thing about this movie's kills, though - it's not quite as over-the-top as the first one, at least in the gore department. However, since we're given a singing head and a girlfriend for Belial, I think we're given more than enough compensation in the weirdness department. Thank you, Frank Henenlotter.
Since Marcie was right outside Granny Ruth's when her photographer friend bit the dust (and hearing his girlish screams, no less), she consults a private detective friend for help, who promptly calls the commune and arranges a meeting with Duane, feeling that he is the key to winning the fight since he is the supposedly "normal" one who can be turned, not unlike switching from the light side to the dark side. And this guy...wow. His name is Phil, and when he wanders into a dark, smoky bar to meet Duane, he looks like he wandered straight out of a 1930s film noir thriller, complete with the trenchcoat and hat. At any rate, this is actually a very skillfully done sequence of dialogue, as Duane goes on a long-winded tirade about what is normal and what isn't, before it's revealed that IT'S A TRAP (/Admiral Ackbar) and that Granny Ruth's entire army is inside the bar with them. The cherry on top? They're wearing "human masks" that barely cover half their faces. Awesome. After knocking Phil around for a while, Belial once again gets the honors of killing the dude, but not before engaging in a fierce game of "gun tug of war." Unintentional hilarity at its finest.
We cut to Marcie in her apartment, who is on the phone with her boss, still trying to salvage the story. Everyone has to give it up for the movie here - between the script and Grafe's performance, they really do an excellent job making this sleazy reporter dislikable, and by the end of this movie, you REALLY want her to get what's coming to her. While in the bathroom, she hears her window break, and is surprised by Duane sitting in one of her chairs. Soon enough, the rest of the weirdos have come for her...and finally, Duane opens his old wicker basket. But instead of killing her, Belial stops in the middle of the act, as Duane says "now you're one of us!" The camera gives us the payoff shot...and it is a cheer-out-loud moment.
Since the VHS display says that we have five minutes to go, it's shocking conclusion time. While a lot of
Basket Case 2 had felt like a fairly straightforward revenge horror film up until this point, get ready for some insane weirdness. The freaks are celebrating back at Granny Ruth's, now free of roving reporters who want to take their privacy away, while both Duane and Belial begin romancing their girlfriends. See, the first movie had this legendary scene where Belial chokes Duane's love interest to death and has sex with her corpse, but even THAT couldn't prepare me for the weirdness that is his love scene in this movie. We're talking full on humping, gasping, moaning monkey sex between two legless, 18" tall monstrosities. Even weirder since it's pretty clearly shown that Belial doesn't have a d**k, but whatever. Duane's attempts to profess his love for Susan don't go quite as well, as she reveals her own freakdom in the midst of making out.
Confession time - this movie pulled one over on me big time. I fully expected that the female significant other for Belial would turn out to be Susan's sister or something, but what we get is so much more glorious. Just check it out.
Yup, turns out that she has been pregnant for SIX YEARS and that the thing in her belly - a miniature version of one of the creatures from
Tremors - "isn't ready to come out yet." Despite her cries of "but he's not dangerous," Duane is beside himself with grief. After a brief tussle with Susan, he accidentally tosses her out of a window, and she tragically falls to her death. Realizing that he is now completely alone, and that even Belial has someone to share his life with, he does the only sane thing - sews his brother back onto his side, laughing maniacally in the process. And this is where the movie ends, my friends.
Overall, my experience with this movie was much the same as the first. It doesn't have that same dirt-cheap quality that the first movie did, but even blessed with a budget approximately 1,000 times as high,
Basket Case 2 manages to be a very emotional movie despite its huge gamut of terrible qualities. Kevin Van Hentenryck as Duane has this very relatable, shy, awkward quality that endears himself to an audience in a very unique way. No matter what you might be thinking from reading the plot description above, you want this guy to find happiness. In an even weirder way, the audience finds itself pulling for Belial, relating to his rage at the ostracization he suffers and his jealousy at his normal brother. It might not even be intentional, but the script by Henenlotter really pulls you in.
It's also got a couple of GREAT supporting performances, from Grafe as well as Annie Ross as Ruth. Ross in this movie reminds me of Betsy Palmer in the original
Friday the 13th; on the outside, she seems like a caring, nurturing, sweet old woman, but underneath she's got this ruthless, dark, vengeful side that Ross does a great job of busting out whenever the script calls for it.
More than anything, though, this movie was just loads of fun to watch, due in no small part to watching it on VHS. In addition to the times I pointed out in the plot description, there were many more occurrences of video and audio distortion, along with the usual foibles of VHS use - adjusting the tracking (*sigh* - remember that?), fast forwarding past the FBI warning (which is one thing that you CAN'T do on DVD/Blu-Ray) and maybe even checking out the ending credits to get a few actor names is all part of the experience that gives watching a cheap horror movie on VHS so much soul. I knew that other people had watched it, likely laughing to themselves for all the right and all the wrong reasons on more than a few occasions. And yes, this movie that proudly displays WAY over-the-top freaks and explicit sex between deformed Siamese twins would have felt right at home coming home with me sometime in the early '90s for a night of popcorn and schlocky horror.
*** 1/2 out of ****, and I don't feel I need to give any other reasons. However, just like every horror franchise, I need to point out that this is a work in progress. TO BE CONTINUED...
Belial Bradley is about to be a DADDY!!
