Allie Kitsune
Crow T. Robot
Always Feelin' Foxy.
HaHa U FaLL 4 LaVa TriK
Posts: 46,948 
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Post by Allie Kitsune on Feb 2, 2012 8:30:33 GMT -5
I have no idea what I just read in the OP. This topic is now about shorts. I like shorts because they're comfy and easy to wear. Especially when they're made by Christian's Malaysian slaves. GO! If you open up your eyes Malaysian slaves revealed. Freedom never had, Whip burns never healed. In the darkness They make shorts sold for a tiny price if that bothers you turn away and just close your eyes. |
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Chainsaw
T
A very BAD man.
It is what it is
Posts: 90,480
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Post by Chainsaw on Feb 2, 2012 8:43:49 GMT -5
a Google search of the key words 'WWE CHRISTIAN SLAVE MALAYSIA' directs to this thread plus another wrestling forum discussing this thread Pssh, we should enslave those other guys or something. Let me go ask Christian how to do it. |
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Post by froggyfrog on Feb 2, 2012 8:45:09 GMT -5
What's going on in this thread? Just escaped Christians basement.
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Chainsaw
T
A very BAD man.
It is what it is
Posts: 90,480
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Post by Chainsaw on Feb 2, 2012 8:54:24 GMT -5
What I want to know is, if this were real in some bizarre alternate dimension...how does this come up in a conversation with Vince?
Vince: Christian, hey, how was the tour?
Christian: Not bad, not bad, Malaysia was wonderful! Beautiful country, amazing weather this time of year, plenty of slaves to go around, food's great...
V: Well, that sounds great, glad you...wait, what was that last part?
C: The food? Well, it's a little more spicy for my...
V: No, damnit, before that! Did you say...slaves?
C: Oh, yeah, that, that's nothing, I just bought some slaves while I was there.
V: WHAT?! Are you crazy?! You can't own slaves! This is America, you can't own another human being...unless they sign a likeness and naming contract, that is.
C: Jeez, Vince, don't have a fit, I thought everyone owned slaves.
V: ...WHAT?! NO! NO ONE owns slaves!
C: Well, that's just crazy talk! I don't even know how NOT owning slaves works! I could have sworn that Santino owned Yoshi...
V: NO! Christian, I think we're going to have to depush you because of this, we can't have a white slave trader...
C: They're not white.
V: WHATEVER! We can't have a slave trader getting a major championship push in this company! We're already in trouble enough with that harem that Curt Hawkins has and Booker T's illegal chinchilla farm. Why, if some intrepid wrestling website reporter ever found this out, it'd be the end of this company!
*both look over at potted plant with microphone perched on top of it*
V: So....how do their legs look?
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theryno665
Grimlock
wants a title underneath the stars
Kinda Homeless
Posts: 13,571
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Post by theryno665 on Feb 2, 2012 9:13:46 GMT -5
Here's Christian's new theme: Damn, this is what I instantly thought of. Beat me to it by, like...12 hours. If Christian return with a valet named Toby, I'd mark. |
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Gus Richlen: Ruffian
Patti Mayonnaise
Metal Maestro: Co-winner of the FAN Idol Throwdown!
BAU BAU
Posts: 39,304 
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Post by Gus Richlen: Ruffian on Feb 2, 2012 9:32:38 GMT -5
My sig says it all....
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Post by Ryushinku on Feb 2, 2012 10:08:05 GMT -5
Wonderful jugs? Yeah, I feel pretty wonderful jugs about this whole situation too.
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Post by YeahYeahYeahYeahYeah on Feb 2, 2012 10:10:07 GMT -5
What I love about this is that, for some reason, the fact that it's Christian makes it a 100000% funnier than it would be with anybody else. This is what gets me, too! |
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
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Post by Hawk Hart on Feb 2, 2012 10:16:52 GMT -5
Now is the perfect time for WWE to use my storyline idea where JBL "wins the contracts" of all the black people on the roster only to get has ass kicked and his stable freed but Colt Cabana who would be dressed as Abe Lincoln. Just replace Christian for JBL and they're set.
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Celgress
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Superior One
Posts: 19,009
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Post by Celgress on Feb 2, 2012 10:22:02 GMT -5
This can't be a real thing, surely. XD 1000X this  |
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Post by Thunderbolt on Feb 2, 2012 11:11:54 GMT -5
Dear god the promos that could come out of this if it were made into an angle.
Josh Matthews, all serious and whatnot : "Christian, why did you chose to purchase Malaysian slaves, as opposed to say, negroes?"
Christian: "Well, they smell somewhat better and have smaller hands."
Or Christian trying to purchase Yoshi Tatsu's family members from him and Yoshi trying to explain that he's not Malaysian.
Or all of the sudden, Christian is Vince's new best friend and is given time each week to promote his "alternative slave owning lifestyle" and calls anyone who protests him a "bully" and references the Be a Star program.
Or Christian has an group of slaves accompany him to the ring wearing John Cena "Hustle, Loyalty, Respect" shirts and comments on how much hustle his slaves have, how loyal they are, and how much they respect him for giving them culture and education and the opportunity to work hard at making WWE brand T-shirts. AND CENA WOULD STILL GET BOOED AGAINST CHRISTIAN
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Post by Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!! on Feb 2, 2012 11:18:28 GMT -5
oh my god this has to be the single greatest piece of "Newz" I've ever read. I never thought that they could top the MVP Screwdriver story, but somehow they did. I legit lol'd for a good 5 minutes when I read this.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Feb 2, 2012 11:41:25 GMT -5
Given the subtext, that was clearly a co-dependent relationship that went awry. Not quite the same as Christian being an evil overlord. Actually considering his Brood connections, maybe he was alive back then. Christian = Bill Compton. Christian probably had a feud with Abe Lincoln. The Ford's Theatre thing was a cover story. It was Killswitch trauma that did in Honest Abe. Christian is history's greatest monster. Plus it makes sense, vengeance for the Emancipation Proclamation. |
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Post by gonzo16 on Feb 2, 2012 11:56:54 GMT -5
this has to be a super early April fool's joke.
I can see Christian walking to the ring with Truth on a leash.
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Bo Rida
Fry's dog Seymour
Pulled one over on everyone.
Got away with it, this time.
Posts: 24,284
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Post by Bo Rida on Feb 2, 2012 12:09:31 GMT -5
this has to be a super early April fool's joke. I can see Christian walking to the ring with Truth on a leash. "You want yourself a Virgil!" |
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Post by timomouse on Feb 2, 2012 13:16:50 GMT -5
this has to be a super early April fool's joke. I can see Christian walking to the ring with Truth on a leash. And the leash is called "Little Jimmy" |
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The Ichi
Patti Mayonnaise
AGGRESSIVE Executive Janitor of the Third Floor Manager's Bathroom
Posts: 37,726
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Post by The Ichi on Feb 2, 2012 13:43:25 GMT -5
These are the times where I remember why I'm a member of this place. The times where you can go from a normal and ho-hum posting session one day, to coming here and seeing threads about Natalyas new farting gimmick and Christians slavery antics the next.
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Allie Kitsune
Crow T. Robot
Always Feelin' Foxy.
HaHa U FaLL 4 LaVa TriK
Posts: 46,948
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Post by Allie Kitsune on Feb 2, 2012 14:01:03 GMT -5
I just want to say that I want this slavery angle to happen, and I want the slaves to be random midgets that they bring in and dress like Oompa Loompas.
And I want them to sing the song, too.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Feb 2, 2012 14:09:50 GMT -5
This just in, a raid at a Korean animation studio reveals Christian's slavery ring reaching much farther than initially reported. In a related story, outside the studio there was a car being driven by what appeared to be a large grizzly. Yes, bear was driving.
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Post by YellowJacketY2J on Feb 2, 2012 14:26:05 GMT -5
If this were true, Christian would have been the Team Captain at Survivor Series 2009.
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