Nothing holds any meaning to me

[TheVoiceofReason]

I view this as being problematic to my well-being, nevertheless...

There's no reasons I feel as though I should care about anything. Where I'm at now, no career desires, no ambitions, nothing. Everything is pointless and I see no use in doing anything other than browsing through the web.

Making matters worse, I'm a college student, and I know that if I were to drop out, I would simply sit around and do nothing, not that I would mind that. I still am able to think realistically in the sense that it's impractical and that eventually I'll need to deal with working in some capacity. Personally, I'd rather commit myself to a mental ward than have very little free time. If I'm somehow put in the situation where I'll need to work and attend school, I could see myself doing just that.

With that in mind, what the hell is wrong in my head?

[Deleted]

It sounds like you're lazy.

Caring about something is hard. You have to put work into it and take a risk that you could get hurt.

XOXO,
Merry Xmas.

[Hit Girl]

It's a common mindset for many. Not everyone has a single minded determination to have a specific career.

[TheVoiceofReason]

Dec 22, 2011 16:35:25 GMT -5 @personman01 said:

It sounds like you're lazy.

Caring about something is hard. You have to put work into it and take a risk that you could get hurt.

XOXO,
Merry Xmas.

True.

I've never been a risk-taker and see no reason to start now.

[rapidfire187]

I'm the same way dude. The things I do care about seem to be pretty trivial. Women, video games, wrestling...then I realize that I need money if I want to enjoy those things. So I need a job. But in order to get a job that pays well enough to have as much of that as I want, I need to finish college. See where I'm going?

Certainly there's some sort of menial bullshit that you need money for.

["Hollywood" Cactus Matt]

Dec 22, 2011 16:33:53 GMT -5 TheVoiceofReason said:

I view this as being problematic to my well-being, nevertheless...

There's no reasons I feel as though I should care about anything. Where I'm at now, no career desires, no ambitions, nothing. Everything is pointless and I see no use in doing anything other than browsing through the web.

Making matters worse, I'm a college student, and I know that if I were to drop out, I would simply sit around and do nothing, not that I would mind that. I still am able to think realistically in the sense that it's impractical and that eventually I'll need to deal with working in some capacity. Personally, I'd rather commit myself to a mental ward than have very little free time. If I'm somehow put in the situation where I'll need to work and attend school, I could see myself doing just that.

With that in mind, what the hell is wrong in my head?

In regards to the underlined section: I was out-patient in a mental institution at the beginning of 2011, and one of the guys in Group with me was a college student who described himself as feeling the exact same way you've described yourself.

I'm not saying it would "fix" you or that you should do it, but it might be worth looking into.


Good luck.

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

Not everyone needs to be the guy who is determined to one career and busts his ass to make it. Plenty of people make a 9 to 5 living and are perfectly content doing that to survive and nothing more. There's really no need to do anything more if you don't want to.

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

Dec 22, 2011 16:35:25 GMT -5 @personman01 said:

It sounds like you're lazy.

Caring about something is hard. You have to put work into it and take a risk that you could get hurt.

XOXO,
Merry Xmas.

This. I have the same problem myself which is one of main reason why I am a bit of an introvert. I realize that if I care about something, that I have to give up something to it, whether it be money, time, or something else. With a lot of things, I am simply not willing to put in the effort to care for it. Instead of taking a risk, I would much rather stay in my little security bubble where I know I am safe. It's something I really need to get over (and honestly, I have been getting better when it comes to exiting my comfort zone). So yeah, you're not the only one with this problem. As other people have mentioned, It probably would help a lot if you searched for someone to help you with this problem, like a psychiatrist or a parent or just someone who you trust.

[Bob Schlapowitz]

That's called nihilism. From what I understand, it must be exhausting.

[Mozenrath]

Have you always been like this? If not, there is the very real possibility you might be developing a problem with depression.

[Alexander The So-so]

Dec 22, 2011 21:25:10 GMT -5 Mozenrath said:

Have you always been like this? If not, there is the very real possibility you might be developing a problem with depression.

I second this. When did this mindset start for you?

Furthermore, I'm not surprised to hear that you're a college student. I've said this before in a similar thread: college seems to have practically been designed to promote alienation and lack of direction. You're out of your parents' home, but you're not in the adult world yet. You're practically being forced to choose what you want to do with your life at a time when you need a lot more time trying your hand at actual work in order to figure out what you're good at and what you like to do. There are times when I think universities are pretty much little more than a penitentiary for 18 to 22-year-olds who the workforce doesn't want to admit yet.

College work itself can be both very stressful (because you have to crunch for exams every so often), and often feels unrewarding (because all you're doing is listening to a professor talk, and repeating what they say in an essay or test). And when you don't have tests or projects to do, you have way too much free time, which gives you plenty of time to let your mind wander and dwell on your existential angst. And if you don't fit in to either of the dominant college cultures (drunken and promiscuous frat/party culture, or self-righteous and narrow-minded political activism), then it's even more alienating.

Besides seeking psychological help, I can only say one thing, based on my similar experiences: do something productive. Lord knows that you have plenty of free time, so try to start using that time with something small, but productive. Look into volunteer work, or a part-time job, that you can do in your area; don't worry about whether or not you can do it, just look for something that you think you would enjoy, and try it (I graduated college only last year and got my current job as an English teacher right after. Let me tell you: I've learned more things and matured more as a person in one year of real work than in all 4 years of college combined). Look up a hobby or skill that you can develop, like taking music lessons or learning a martial art (when I started taking karate lessons in college, it did wonders to make me feel like I was doing something tangible and productive).

Just start slow, with one extra thing to do with your free time, and give you a sense of satisfaction and direction.

[TheVoiceofReason]

Dec 22, 2011 22:01:52 GMT -5 Alexander The So-so said:

Dec 22, 2011 21:25:10 GMT -5 Mozenrath said:

Have you always been like this? If not, there is the very real possibility you might be developing a problem with depression.

I second this. When did this mindset start for you?

Furthermore, I'm not surprised to hear that you're a college student. I've said this before in a similar thread: college seems to have practically been designed to promote alienation and lack of direction. You're out of your parents' home, but you're not in the adult world yet. You're practically being forced to choose what you want to do with your life at a time when you need a lot more time trying your hand at actual work in order to figure out what you're good at and what you like to do. There are times when I think universities are pretty much little more than a penitentiary for 18 to 22-year-olds who the workforce doesn't want to admit yet.

College work itself can be both very stressful (because you have to crunch for exams every so often), and often feels unrewarding (because all you're doing is listening to a professor talk, and repeating what they say in an essay or test). And when you don't have tests or projects to do, you have way too much free time, which gives you plenty of time to let your mind wander and dwell on your existential angst. And if you don't fit in to either of the dominant college cultures (drunken and promiscuous frat/party culture, or self-righteous and narrow-minded political activism), then it's even more alienating.

Besides seeking psychological help, I can only say one thing, based on my similar experiences: do something productive. Lord knows that you have plenty of free time, so try to start using that time with something small, but productive. Look into volunteer work, or a part-time job, that you can do in your area; don't worry about whether or not you can do it, just look for something that you think you would enjoy, and try it (I graduated college only last year and got my current job as an English teacher right after. Let me tell you: I've learned more things and matured more as a person in one year of real work than in all 4 years of college combined). Look up a hobby or skill that you can develop, like taking music lessons or learning a martial art (when I started taking karate lessons in college, it did wonders to make me feel like I was doing something tangible and productive).

Just start slow, with one extra thing to do with your free time, and give you a sense of satisfaction and direction.

Yeah it began when college began.

During the summer, I was highly active and exercising a lot more, and then college came into play. I was actually involved in Taekwondo and loved it (still do).

First-semester, I had no idea how to manage my time and I was falling victim to sleep deprivation and, on my behalf, complete stupidity by using energy drinks as a means to stay awake. It wasn't good.

I actually failed a class because of this and am currently awaiting what will happen.

My problem is this: I don't want a career. I had some ideas before, but ultimately, I don't want a job. In a way I feel as though I'm wasting my time in college since it is interfering with my hobbies, but on the other side, I quite like the idea of college life (if it is used properly).

I think about a potential future of sitting at a desk and, this is a big one for me, taking orders from a higher authority and it makes me feel miserable beyond belief.

Maybe it's my youth causing me to feel this way, but my current mentality is this: I'm not meant to be controlled by anyone, and I refuse to allow myself to be put in a position where that is capable of happening.

[Deleted]

Ah, the early 20's, when one first feels the crush of nothingness, and everything feels so rushed and unbearable, I once felt this way. Personally, I just worked my way out of a lot of mental health issues, i.e. serious depression and probably some other things as well, but I also realize that this will not work for everyone. So, if it's causing disruptions in your daily life I say talk it over with a counselor or mental health professional.

Best of luck to you.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Dec 22, 2011 20:58:52 GMT -5 Bob Schlapowitz said:

That's called nihilism. From what I understand, it must be exhausting.

He believes in nuzzing, Lebowski!

[DZ: WF Legacy]

I empathize with you. Everyone else I've ever known always had these dreams and goals and I...never did. I always felt as if I was missing "my drive" so to speak. I truly feel like something went missing. And it's detrimental as all hell, but like you, I'm pretty content doing nothing most the time. Being an introvert with social anxiety disorder and a general apathy towards living life has more or less ruined many things for me. The fact that you have college to focus on, even though you're disinterested in aspects of it, is still something. And it's something you should really hang onto because as you said, nothingness would come otherwise. And not the relaxing "ah, nothing to do today" nothingness, the "one day I woke up and I was 40" nothingness. I'm in the middle of trying to escape that fate...but like you, I dread the idea of getting stuck in the working cycle that fails to stimulate my creativity or general self-development. I continue to see what that has done to my dad, and I am terrified of it.

I do recommend you see some sort of psychological adviser. I began seeing one this past June - while he hasn't drastically changed my life per say, I feel as if it's been beneficial. It's someone to talk to about these empty feelings and any lack of ambition you may feel. At the end of the day, I think some of the apathy is derived from fear - both irrational and completely rational, and when you combine that with human beings being very prone to patterns, we kinda get stuck doing something that be comfortable, but it does nothing for us otherwise. But if you're anything like me, you don't have a spark, and that makes things a bit more complicated.

Best thoughts; I hope you have a nice holiday, man.

[Piccolo]

Dec 22, 2011 22:51:42 GMT -5 TheVoiceofReason said:

My problem is this: I don't want a career. I had some ideas before, but ultimately, I don't want a job. In a way I feel as though I'm wasting my time in college since it is interfering with my hobbies, but on the other side, I quite like the idea of college life (if it is used properly).

I think about a potential future of sitting at a desk and, this is a big one for me, taking orders from a higher authority and it makes me feel miserable beyond belief.

Maybe it's my youth causing me to feel this way, but my current mentality is this: I'm not meant to be controlled by anyone, and I refuse to allow myself to be put in a position where that is capable of happening.

The only way to keep yourself from being controlled by others IS to work... to choose your profession, to choose your employer, and to make your own money so that you can live as you choose. If you don't work, you must live off of someone else's money... either your parents' money, the taxpayers' money, or the generosity of friends. Either way, you will be a dependent... tied to others forever until you work for your independence or simply reject both charity and employment and starve to death.

You can modulate this paradigm a little by starting your own business so that you work for yourself, or by finding a way to become independently wealthy. But make no mistake about it... not working is not the path to independence, or to enjoying your hobbies full-time.

[Danimal]

Dec 22, 2011 21:25:10 GMT -5 Mozenrath said:

Have you always been like this? If not, there is the very real possibility you might be developing a problem with depression.

This