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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2013 6:56:05 GMT -5
I'm well aware if I have to ask that the answer's probably yes, but here's the deal...
I've been talking to a girl on a dating site, nothing serious so far but we were up til 4:30am last night just talking. It seems like we have a lot in common and I'd like to see where things are headed. The thing is, she doesn't have any pictures of herself, to hide from people on the site she knows supposedly. That's fair enough, I can understand that, and I think she's gonna send me a picture soon.
My problem here is, what do I do if I find her unattractive? So far I've been enjoying talking to her so much that it's really not been an issue, but if I don't have any physical attraction to her then is it really fair for me to keep things going? She started talking to me so the attraction was obviously there on her end, I'm just slightly worried that I have no idea what this girl looks like.
I know it shouldn't matter and I feel bad for thinking it, but am I really being shallow for wanting to know if there's any possible future?
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Post by TheDarkestKnight on Feb 14, 2013 6:59:05 GMT -5
Not at all. In any potential relationship you need that physical attraction as well.
I've got on amazingly with girls but not felt that spark and instead of leading them on just said to them I felt they were great but they weren't what I was looking for. I think it's worse to lead them on.
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Feb 14, 2013 7:18:47 GMT -5
I don't see why it's shallow to care about the appearance of the person you're going to potentially spend years if not your entire life with. It can't be a healthy relationship if there is no physical attraction.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Feb 14, 2013 7:23:59 GMT -5
Nope. Attraction is part of it.
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Post by Piccolo on Feb 14, 2013 8:14:51 GMT -5
True story... I used to think that you could be physically attracted to anyone, given time and emotional attraction. I also used to think I had an unusually low libido. Then I dated someone I was really physically attracted to as well as emotionally attracted, and holy moly! I didn't have a low libido at all!
Moral of the story is: date someone you're attracted to on all levels and don't waste somebody's time if you're not. But also go out with them once before you make that decision, because however you think about a picture, you can't see in 3 dimensions or sense physical chemistry over the internet.
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Post by Banjo Is Broken on Feb 14, 2013 8:35:00 GMT -5
I always feel guilty when I'm not attracted to someone. Like, I know it would take a miracle for a girl to really be attracted to me from a physical standpoint, so why who am I to think she's unattractive. I know that's silly, but that's just another part of my messed up process of romantic thinking. But really, you have no reason to feel guilty about it. As much as it is important to give people a chance, I suppose there's nothing you can do if there's no physical attraction. Maybe you guys can become good friends in the end. If it were me, I'd be at least be okay with that, but that's mostly because I don't have any friends.
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Post by Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!! on Feb 14, 2013 9:07:49 GMT -5
you need to actually be physically attracted to the person or else there's no way a relationship will work. it's not being shallow, it's basic biology.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Feb 14, 2013 9:26:38 GMT -5
As long as you're honest with her, and not lead her on, if you've got so much in common you could end up awesome friends.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2013 11:09:27 GMT -5
Yes, but being shallow isn't always a bad thing.
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Post by wrestleauthor on Feb 14, 2013 12:46:02 GMT -5
As long as you aren't the type of person who goes for only having an "arm trophy" of sorts and nothing else, I don't think you are at all.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2013 12:08:48 GMT -5
Glad to see I'm not being irrational then, pretty much the answers I was hoping to hear.
Things haven't really changed. We spent most of last night and some of today chatting again, a couple of small hints re: appearance have been dropped, and she asked don't I think it's weird we're still talking though I don't know what she looks like. Well yeah, a bit. Of course I want to know but I'm not gonna force her to show herself if for whatever reason she isn't comfortable with it yet.
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Post by DoubleDare on Feb 15, 2013 13:28:10 GMT -5
I think, if you haven't met her in person yet, its always fine to call it off and stop talking to her. Just make sure you do see a pic of her first before meeting. I myself have limits too (like too fat/obese, too many tattoos, etc) Its good to have standards.
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Legion
Fry's dog Seymour
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Post by Legion on Feb 15, 2013 13:38:39 GMT -5
I always ask myself 'Can I do better?'
If the honest answer is a no, or even only a maybe, I'll at least give it a go just because you never know what might suddenly happen given a bit of time.
If the honest answer is yes, I can, well then that is different
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StuntGranny®
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Not Actually a Granny
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Post by StuntGranny® on Feb 15, 2013 14:33:41 GMT -5
Like others have said, no, you're not being shallow. She can have the greatest personality on the planet, but if you're not physically attracted to her, odds are pretty high it's not going to work out.
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Post by Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!! on Feb 15, 2013 15:06:37 GMT -5
True story... I used to think that you could be physically attracted to anyone, given time and emotional attraction. I also used to think I had an unusually low libido. Then I dated someone I was really physically attracted to as well as emotionally attracted, and holy moly! I didn't have a low libido at all! Moral of the story is: date someone you're attracted to on all levels and don't waste somebody's time if you're not. But also go out with them once before you make that decision, because however you think about a picture, you can't see in 3 dimensions or sense physical chemistry over the internet. I actually do think it's true to a degree. I've had female friends in the past who I didn't think much of until I started hanging out with them. I think having things in common makes you notice things you find physically attractive about people. it's sort of like the Halo effect.
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The Ichi
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Post by The Ichi on Feb 15, 2013 15:47:33 GMT -5
I hate that we've been made to believe that if you want even the slightest bit of physical attraction in a relationship, you're a shallow pig.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Feb 15, 2013 16:25:09 GMT -5
Glad to see I'm not being irrational then, pretty much the answers I was hoping to hear. Things haven't really changed. We spent most of last night and some of today chatting again, a couple of small hints re: appearance have been dropped, and she asked don't I think it's weird we're still talking though I don't know what she looks like. Well yeah, a bit. Of course I want to know but I'm not gonna force her to show herself if for whatever reason she isn't comfortable with it yet. Dude, that answer pretty much tells us you're a decent guy so don't worry about stuff like this.
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Post by Piccolo on Feb 15, 2013 19:40:55 GMT -5
True story... I used to think that you could be physically attracted to anyone, given time and emotional attraction. I also used to think I had an unusually low libido. Then I dated someone I was really physically attracted to as well as emotionally attracted, and holy moly! I didn't have a low libido at all! Moral of the story is: date someone you're attracted to on all levels and don't waste somebody's time if you're not. But also go out with them once before you make that decision, because however you think about a picture, you can't see in 3 dimensions or sense physical chemistry over the internet. I actually do think it's true to a degree. I've had female friends in the past who I didn't think much of until I started hanging out with them. I think having things in common makes you notice things you find physically attractive about people. it's sort of like the Halo effect. Oh no, I agree with that... that it's true to a degree. But it's more like, "There are people you're not immediately into that you could be attracted to if you spend more time with them" vs "You can be attracted to anyone physically as long as you're attracted to their personality", and the latter is more what I used to believe. It really isn't true for me, and it took me some time to realize it.
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The OP
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
changed his name
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Post by The OP on Feb 15, 2013 20:17:36 GMT -5
She's probably overweight. I know that sounds weird, but usually when women on dating sites don't have pictures of themselves that is the reason. I personally think some overweight women are very attractive despite being overweight and I know I'm not alone. Furthermore, some women consider themselves "fat" when they are quite frankly not fat, maybe chubby at most. If you are really only into skinny chicks though you might wanna consider that before proceeding any further. And if that's not an honest answer I don't know what is.
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Mr Captain Falcon
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Post by Mr Captain Falcon on Feb 15, 2013 22:53:17 GMT -5
Is that you Manti Teo?
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