Post by Deleted on Mar 19, 2013 19:56:47 GMT -5
>At girlfriend's funeral today
>crying.png
>I hear terrible music coming from a Humvee.
>It's Ryback's theme
>herewego.gif
>A few beefy cronies come out, wearing tight t shirts that show off their fat bods
>A sprinkle comes from my tinkler in frightful anticipation.
>Then two more people show up
>It's Ryback and Sheamus
>At first I was excited, to see more real live wrestlers.
>Then Sheamus starts swearing at my family.
>I muster up all the courage I can, and stand and face Sheamus, who's backed by five guys even more pale than him with green hair.
>"Oy fella, why you cryin'?"
>Ryback, Sheamus, and all their cronies laugh at me and poke me.
>The priest begs for mercy, which sets Sheamus off.
>He throws his Laoch necklace, stabbing him in the neck with its sharp points
>The priest dies
>My family tries to run, but Ryback and his fans begin attacking them
>Sheamus, his bloodlust not yet filled, rushes towards my family and Brogue kicks the priest's remains at my girlfriend's family, killing all of them.
>I try to run, but Sheamus catches me, and holds my head
>He's about to break my neck when he sees my friends and family being eaten by Ryback and his fans, who chant "FEED ME MORE"
>Sheamus makes me watch
>When it's all said and done, he picks me up for the Celtic cross, preparing to drump me on the coffin
>But then I hear the music of angels
>heshere.jpg
>Riding a glittery rocket sled car, my hero lands on the pile of bodies in a diamond studded explosion
>Fandango dances out, doing a double corkscrew before landing on Sheamus' head
>"Why must these fools harm my fan?"
>I cry softly while Sheamus laughs, dropping me.
>Sheamus pulls out a BAStar pendant, and rips five throwing stars out of it, throwing them at Fandango
>"FAHHHN...DAHHHNGGG....GOOHHHHH"
>Perfectly he dodges it, dancing away the stars, kicking them to hit the Sheamus cronies, who explode in a pale blast
>"FANDANGO. FANDANGO" I cry, cheering him on as he lands on Sheamus' head again.
>"Time to change gravity." Fandango says
>Suddenly gravity changes, and Fandango's weight is more than Sheamus and he crushes him, flattening him like a pancake or perhaps a sewer lid
>Now it's just the Ryback squad. But then...
>"BREAK THE WALLS DOWN"
>Jericho rises up from behind a tombstone and cuts a bad promo like he always does
>"I'm behind this, I'm jealous of your talent Fandango."
>The Ryback fans pile onto Jericho, forming a semi mech suit, with Ryback and Jericho on top
>"FEED...ME..."
>"No" Fandango whispers, stripping his clothes off, blinding them in his glowing beauty
>"It's time...For FAHN...DAHNG...GOH"
>He spirals towards them, defying all laws of science by running on air and dancing on air.
>Some Ryback fans faint from fear, but they're not safe from Fandango's revenge
>Fandango's claw like hands tear up the legs of the monster, dropping them into a gooey red paste.
>Without anything to stand on, Jericho and Ryback duck from the rest of the mech suit of bodies, who are now going to be prey.
>They shout "This isn't over!" As they run away, diving into a phallic racecar.
>Fandango nods as they flip him off, and he knows when he'll finish them off.
>But for the task at hand, Fandango prepares something special, that would even make The Rock scared.
>He spins around, until he's nothing more than a dark blur.
>A black hole opens up, and I watch as the Ryback fans are obliterated by it.
>With a last whisper of his name, the gate to hell closes, but Fandango is nowhere to be seen.
>Another blur
>Suddenly I'm naked, hanging from the top of a skyscraper. I'm held by my ankles by Fandango, who's still basking in his glorious nudity.
>His steely, judging eyes make me question if this will be the end
>Will he put a stop to my suffering?
>"Would you like to love while flying?"
>I nod, and for the next few hours I experience a pleasure unlike anything in the world.
>A few hours later, Fandango drops me off at my home, giving me a cookie and some burn medications for me bum
>He snaps and disappears, leaving a note.
>"Never again."
>I weep, knowing that this truly is the end of my saga.
He's done it again!