Hulk Hogan verbally accepts a WWE offer, Brother!

[Kevin Hamilton]

Did he yell "YEEEESSSSSSS!" ala accepting Andre's challenge for Mania 3 on Piper's Pit?

[RowdyRobbyPiper]

Nov 2, 2013 18:17:43 GMT -5 isink said:

Nov 2, 2013 14:35:00 GMT -5 RowdyRobbyPiper said:

This would be a good time for an nWo induction into the Hall of Fame.

Anything to get him to stop ripping fan convention attendees off for a night.

[Deleted]

Nov 2, 2013 11:20:46 GMT -5 @akeem said:

Until wrestletaint.gov weighs in I'll assume that it's newz.

I love how posts like these have pretty much become a Bat Signal for Lancers to come in and post something hilarious.

[DASH 243✅]

This is only worth it if Brock lesnar f-5's him

[Deleted]

Hogan, Cena, and Rock Vs Shield?

[Oh Cry Me a Screwball]

Nov 2, 2013 11:31:23 GMT -5 @dax said:

Nov 2, 2013 11:25:27 GMT -5 Ron Woodsman aka Shempaholic said:

Despite everything Hogan's done over the past few years if "Real American" hits during the Royal Rumble I will mark out like a little girl.

What about when he wins though?

He might have to. I think his hips might explode if he goes over the top rope.

[Jedi-El of Tomorrow]

Nov 2, 2013 23:52:47 GMT -5 @shadowcage said:

Hogan, Cena, and Rock Vs Shield?

Rock gets gassed after 5 minutes, Hogan would only throw 3 punches before having to tag out and be done with the match, and Cena would be the workhorse and face in peril for the team. That might cut down on the "Cena sucks" chant.

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Nov 2, 2013 23:55:47 GMT -5 Oh Cry Me a Screwball said:

Nov 2, 2013 11:31:23 GMT -5 @dax said:

What about when he wins though?

He might have to. I think his hips might explode if he goes over the top rope.

Hogan enters, heel he will be doing program with beats him down, injures him, has to be taken from the ring.

Simple.

[Ryback on a Pole!]

I really hope this isn't true. Can't stand Hogan at all.

[Deleted]

Nov 2, 2013 20:56:26 GMT -5 Kevin Hamilton said:

Did he yell "YEEEESSSSSSS!" ala accepting Andre's challenge for Mania 3 on Piper's Pit?

I'll retort with his answer to selling the title to Ted DiBiase: "HELL! NO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!"

[mrjl]

Nov 2, 2013 23:55:47 GMT -5 Oh Cry Me a Screwball said:

Nov 2, 2013 11:31:23 GMT -5 @dax said:

What about when he wins though?

He might have to. I think his hips might explode if he goes over the top rope.

just catch the apron and be knocked off it without going back under the bottom rope

[Lancers]

Nov 2, 2013 11:20:46 GMT -5 @akeem said:

Until wrestletaint.gov weighs in I'll assume that it's newz.

HULK HOGAN HASN'T SIGNED WITH WWE

While the cash-for-click cuckoos over at the Examiner are claiming that Terry "Hulk" Hogan has signed a contract to return to the WWE for another go-round of nostalgia-driven drivel, we can confirm this story is 100% FALSE!

However, it should be noted that the WWE and Hulk Hogan are negotiating. We know this because we got a guy who works at the NSA that provided us recorded phone calls between the two parties in exchange for photos of Stephanie McMahon engaging in 'sorority-like activities' during her time at Boston University we obtained in exchange by purchasing a beer pong table for the Alpha Chi Omega house. Here are some of the issues both sides are trying to iron out...


1. MONEY
As anything involving Hulk Hogan, the Hulkster is looking for a cash grab the likes of which could be defined as unwarranted groping. Hogan still believes his name has unprecedented value due to delusions of grandeur and that American Gladiators royalty check he gets once every six months. Hogan wants 75% of all Hulk Hogan-sold merchandise at live events and the website. Vince nearly choked on the Belgian waffle he was eating when he heard that percentage the first time.

2. AMOUNT OF APPEARANCES
Vince wants Hogan to do about 10-15 appearances a year to avoid a burnout effect that has played a factor in subsided interest in other part-time wrestlers like Brock Lesnar and Curt Hawkins. Hogan wants to get out of his house as much as possible due to the ghost that haunts him everytime he's in the kitchen. He's convinced someone was murdered in his house or that 'the native tribes are taking back their property, brother'. His words, not ours.


3. BROOKE HOGAN
Hulk has absolutely no interest in getting his daughter a job in the WWE. He saw what happened to her during her run at TNA when she would get booed mercilessly by people as well as TNA talent mutter backstage about her prominent role in spite of the fact that she likes wrestling as much as Paris Hilton enjoys relative obscurity. Vince, surprisingly, WANTS Brooke in the WWE. Technically, she is famous for having her own VH1 reality show which really isn't saying much because anybody could get a VH1 show if they really want one. It's well documented Vince's desperate attempts to lure celebrities to wash away the perceived social awkwardness of admitting one watches wrestling to others means a lot to him. Even his wife Linda has recently stated she has no idea that the WWE was still on the air because she hasn't watched it 'since they went PG'. Her words, not ours.

4. PENIS PUMP
Hogan's demand for 100% medical coverage is a major battle between both sides. Hogan, as it's been well documented, has a lot of health problems. His hips are made of alloy metal. He has diabetes. He lost the sense of smell out of his left nostril. His hair still hasn't grown back. But above all else, Hogan suffers from a mild case of erectile dysfunction. Hogan claims the problem isn't his sperm count or even his stamina, it's getting his boner to achieve maximum size. Hogan wants the WWE to cover his penis pumps. He doesn't like using the same pump twice due to the slight case of germophobia he suffers from. Vince doesn't want to pay for them, and he's interested in knowing if Hogan still has any leftover he can borrow 'just to know what it feels like'. His words, not ours.

5. GM ROLE
Hogan swears to people that he actually was a GM at TNA and that he made real decisions. Vince doesn't believe him. Hogan wants that role as RAW GM when he returns. Vince is afraid Hogan will try to book matches not written in the script as well as actually attempt to fire people. Hogan wants to introduce Sabermetrics into professional wrestling after watching "Moneyball" on a flight from Florida to Michigan once.


wrestletaint.gov

[Deleted]

Nov 2, 2013 21:09:50 GMT -5 RowdyRobbyPiper said:

Nov 2, 2013 18:17:43 GMT -5 isink said:

Anything to get him to stop ripping fan convention attendees off for a night.

You kidding? He'll sit outside the HOF building with a table for most of the ceremony.

[Kevin Hamilton]

The ghost in Hogan's kitchen had me utter a guffaw good sir. Kudos.

[DrBackflipsHoffman]

The only person I want to see him wrestle is Necro Butcher

[Ben Wyatt]

The WWF/E has always and will always be "home" to Hogan. Him finishing his career anywhere else is just wrong

[Deleted]

Nov 3, 2013 10:11:24 GMT -5 @knapp said:

Nov 2, 2013 21:09:50 GMT -5 RowdyRobbyPiper said:

Anything to get him to stop ripping fan convention attendees off for a night.

You kidding? He'll sit outside the HOF building with a table for most of the ceremony.

Better seat than Pete Rose, he's only allowed to be across the street at Cooperstown.

[Deleted]

Nov 2, 2013 12:01:04 GMT -5 BayleyTiffyCodyCenaJudyHopps said:

Assuming this is BS, but all I'd wanna see him do at WMXXX is come out opening the show and cut a three-four minute Brother promo thanking the fans for 30 years of Wrestlemania. No angles.

He can squash Heath Slater, while he's at it.

[g1megatronfan]

Ugh,..I hope this is false. If he came back for an occasional non-wrestling appearance here and there I could tolerate him a little more. Who the hell us he going to have a match with? He can barely walk and we seen what a modern aged Hogan can do in TNA in what few matches he had there.

Again...hopefully it's BS.

[BigBadZ]

Will he bring back Ed Leslie and form the New Hulkamaniacs with Brother Bruti, Brother Brodi, and Brother Tensai?