Girlfriend problems(not a joke thread)

[willywonka666]

So I'm in a new relationship(under 2 months) and everything has been great-mushy texts and fb posts etc. but those have stopped and things are worrying me.

basically, she has been pretty sick since last Saturday and in a couple days it will be one year since she lost a very close friend.

I don't want to push things, but I thought I should also let her know that I"m there for her and I want us to have a future.

I text her that I loved her (which is something neither of us have said in the last couple of weeks) and she replies with "that's sweet"

Am I overthinking this, or have I screwed up somewhere?

[The Man They Call Asher]

Is this a long-distance thing or have you actually know her for real?

[willywonka666]

for real, we live about 30 minutes apart

[The Man They Call Asher]

Well from my (limited) experience I'd say it sounds like right now she needs/wants a bit of space. Sometimes they don't want to hear 'I love you', sometimes they don't want to hear anything. Pushing more would just do damage you'd be hard-pressed to fix. Probably best to just let her know that you'll be there if she needs you and then back off a little. If she does come to you, awesome. If not, it's better that this happens two months in and not six months or a year.

It's rough, but that's all I got. Good luck either way.

[willywonka666]

Dec 26, 2013 1:42:50 GMT -5 The Man They Call Asher said:

Well from my (limited) experience I'd say it sounds like right now she needs/wants a bit of space. Sometimes they don't want to hear 'I love you', sometimes they don't want to hear anything. Pushing more would just do damage you'd be hard-pressed to fix. Probably best to just let her know that you'll be there if she needs you and then back off a little. If she does come to you, awesome. If not, it's better that this happens two months in and not six months or a year.

It's rough, but that's all I got. Good luck either way.

Thanks, I was beginning to think that myself.She's prolly not in the mood for being smothered and I don't wanna be that type anyway, I can make myself really paranoid

[Mozenrath]

You can let her know you are there for her without smothering her. Say it, then give her a little space, but be available, I guess. She is sick, this time of year is a rough one, even without her mourning the friend, and win, lose, or draw, it's all you really can do at the moment.

[Manute Bol]

You've been dating 2 months and it's been a few weeks since you said you love her? That sounds like things moved really, really fast. That's usual not a good sign.

I'd definitely be alarmed by a response like "that's sweet". I mean that's pretty blatant. You can't force someone to reciprocate feelings so f*** it - on to the next one!

[Deleted]

Personally, I'd make myself scarce for a time.

Let her know you're there if she needs you if need be then step off.

Be available, but don't initiate.

[Deleted]

Yeah, I'd say you rushed into telling her that (assuming you never said it to each other before) and her response kind of confirms it. If you make yourself too available, become too compassionate to her situation, and/or let her know how much you like her so quickly, that's the easiest way to get "friend zoned". If you feel she is out of whack because she is sick or grieving, maybe she is, but let her come to you to vent/cry/whatever. As someone else said, make yourself scarce for the time being. If she comes back to you, then you can be pretty certain her interest level is still there. Make her actions tell you all you need to know (words are meaningless without actions to back them up).

But be positive, and more importantly, since it's only been 2 months, be open to dating other women. Options are a good thing, and it increases confidence (which women can sense).

[Deleted]

Don't push the "I love you" thing any further, she'll say it if and when she's ready. My fiancée said it a month before I was ready to, people feel things and are comfortable expressing them at different times

All you need to say is what you said in the OP, that you are there for her whenever she needs you, and all she has to do is let you know

["Gentleman" AJ Powell]

I'll just repeat what others have said, give her space, but be ready to jump to it if she does want to see you, it shows that you can give her space whilst still being available.

[Deleted]

Space, no doubt. I think you threw the 'I love you' out too early and in this situation it seems like you did it because you were scared. It honestly COULD come across as a little manipulative to her.

[Hawk Hart]

Dec 26, 2013 1:42:50 GMT -5 The Man They Call Asher said:

Well from my (limited) experience I'd say it sounds like right now she needs/wants a bit of space. Sometimes they don't want to hear 'I love you', sometimes they don't want to hear anything. Pushing more would just do damage you'd be hard-pressed to fix. Probably best to just let her know that you'll be there if she needs you and then back off a little. If she does come to you, awesome. If not, it's better that this happens two months in and not six months or a year.

It's rough, but that's all I got. Good luck either way.

Listen to this man, he knows what he's talking about. That's why he's my confidant about this sort of thing.

[domrep]

Dec 26, 2013 2:36:29 GMT -5 Manute Bol said:

You've been dating 2 months and it's been a few weeks since you said you love her? That sounds like things moved really, really fast. That's usual not a good sign.

I'd definitely be alarmed by a response like "that's sweet". I mean that's pretty blatant. You can't force someone to reciprocate feelings so f*** it - on to the next one!

I told my girl about 4 months into it. If you know, you know.

[Push R Truth]

You seem to be doing fine.

Just keep your body prepared

[Deleted]

Dec 26, 2013 11:30:23 GMT -5 domrep said:

Dec 26, 2013 2:36:29 GMT -5 Manute Bol said:

You've been dating 2 months and it's been a few weeks since you said you love her? That sounds like things moved really, really fast. That's usual not a good sign.

I'd definitely be alarmed by a response like "that's sweet". I mean that's pretty blatant. You can't force someone to reciprocate feelings so f*** it - on to the next one!

I told my girl about 4 months into it. If you know, you know.

I told mine about 12 days after we met. It was actually how we made ourselves official. Like Dom said, sometimes if people know, they know.

My advice is pretty much what Asher said, but with kind of an asterisk on it. If she wants alone time, then good for her. Just know when they need it. I was in the same boat as you are, really. At some point, the honeymoon is done in the beginning of a relationship. It's just a matter of helping keeping things together with her. Just ask her if she needs some time to herself and if so, just tell her that if she needs somebody, that you're always there if at all possible.

The best of luck to you, man.

[willywonka666]

Thank you all, after I got some responses it did hit me what I was doing. We text a couple of times today and she admitted she was in a funk, so thank you guys, you saved me and made me realize what I was doing wrong