Help. Help for me.

[Legion]

Ok, so I 've just got back from a drunken evening at the pub.

Prior to the pub, my best friend and once upon a time crush of crushes came over. His name is Neil. Neil and I have a normal relationship where by we are friends. He knows that I am gay and, a few years back, I told him I loved him more than life itself and he stopped talking to me for nine months until it was all sorted and ok.

While he was over, he happened to notice a torn open condom packet on the floor of my bathroom. He made a joke of this, I was embarrassed, we moved on. We have always done this. He is aware I am gay, I am aware he is straight, everyone cracks on.

However tonight, things were different. Tonight he was physically and emotionally flirty. I asked him to stop, he did it more, I faked an orgasm from him touching my leg and he did it more, when he passed out to the point the bouncer came and kicked him out, I carried him out. Clearly I know he is straight, but sure, I still very much wish he'd just come to me.

This evening really hit home that he wont, ever, but that he is happy to play on my generally hidden and old emotions. I felt used and I felt like I was being put through the emotional roller coster, especailly when he played random hand holding/little finger stroking (which is hard to explain, but a real OMG moment for me).

I should know this is just Neil being drunk, but by god, I feel so full of vindictive and unreliable Canadian news that I just want to scream.

I dont know what to do FAN. Do I continue being the guy for my BFF to abuse and use, do I cut ties all together or do I say f*** it and try and kiss him because hell, if it's all ending, may as well do it in style!?

[Dat Dude]

I would just make sure that he knows in no uncertain terms that playing on your sexuality isn't something for his amusement and if he continues to come on to you in a disingenuous manner that he can kick rocks.

[Kevin Hamilton]

Address the issue when you're both sober, making it clear that sorta thing can't happen again, or you can no longer be friends if you're prepared to walk away, and it sounds like ya are.

[Deleted]

Agree with Rehab, he is disrespecting you. Put a stop to it.

[Deleted]

You sure your brah wasn't, you know, teetering? Sounds bizarre.

If he is indeed screwing with you, then invite him to go eat some rocks as rehab suggested. That ain't the good natured joshing of a friend.

[Legion]

I wonder what I was meant to type when my phone's predictive typing decided I wanted to say 'Canadian news?'

In an update, he's made it very clear he doesnt remember the evening, which in itself is odd, as he doesnt usually text to say something like that, which to me indicates he does remember but wanted to get in first that he doesnt so as to stop me being able to talk about things.

I think perhaps he and I need a friendship break for a bit.

["I'm Batman..."]

Are you sure he's not gay?

[Legion]

As sure as I can be when he's always said he was straight.

I'm not going to start second guessing that fact anyway, that way madness lay

[ThereIsNoAbsurdistOnlyZuul]

Jan 4, 2014 23:45:05 GMT -5 Kevin Hamilton said:

Address the issue when you're both sober, making it clear that sorta thing can't happen again, or you can no longer be friends if you're prepared to walk away, and it sounds like ya are.

But only have this talk after you put him through a table. So that way this talk is FAN Approved!

[Alexander The So-so]

It sounds like you're really overanalyzing the issue. Going through my own one-sided love towards a friend right now, I can relate: you constantly mine every word they say and every action they do for clues as to how they feel toward you and whether he or she returns your feelings.

It's tough, but you can't trust your intuition here. Just stick to the facts. For example:

-Does he have a girlfriend?
-Has he ever done anything like this to you before?
-Have you had anymore interaction afterwards, besides him texting you to say that he doesn't remember it?

Also, did you say that you faked an orgasm as he was touching you? Maybe he took that as a sign that you were okay with it and were going along with the play flirting. He might not realize how deeply it upset you and brought back all your old feelings. Maybe he's avoiding you because he realizes now that you're upset, and doesn't want to go through the drama and awkwardness that happened before all over again.

[Legion]

Jan 5, 2014 16:10:34 GMT -5 Alexander The So-so said:

It sounds like you're really overanalyzing the issue. Going through my own one-sided love towards a friend right now, I can relate: you constantly mine every word they say and every action they do for clues as to how they feel toward you and whether he or she returns your feelings.

It's tough, but you can't trust your intuition here. Just stick to the facts. For example:

-Does he have a girlfriend?
-Has he ever done anything like this to you before?
-Have you had anymore interaction afterwards, besides him texting you to say that he doesn't remember it?

Also, did you say that you faked an orgasm as he was touching you? Maybe he took that as a sign that you were okay with it and were going along with the play flirting. He might not realize how deeply it upset you and brought back all your old feelings. Maybe he's avoiding you because he realizes now that you're upset, and doesn't want to go through the drama and awkwardness that happened before all over again.

Does he have a gf - no, he has never had a steady gf, although he has 'seen' various women over the years

Has he done it before - yes, a few times, but never to the extent of last night

Further interaction - No, but then we rarely talk much in the week, so as to make sure we have things to talk about at the weekend

I did say that, because part of me thought it would be funny and part of me thought he might stop if I caused a sort of scene. Didn't really go down that way though, lol. Being sober and thinking about it, it isn't as big a deal as it felt when drunk and after it had just happened, but I'm not going to lie, it felt so nice but you're right, it's easy for me to demonise him but I suppose I did play a long a bit even if I later told him to stop and he carried on anyway. Annoying as hell, but unless it becomes a full thing that happens all the time, it'll likely just be a stupid drunk event and that's that.

[Mozenrath]

It sounds like he might have some inner conflict, but for sure, he has boundary issues.

[EvenBaldobombHasAJob]

sounds to me like the dude has some boundary issues and just thinks this kind of thing is funny. let him know it isn't. if he's really your friend he'll understand.

[trollrogue]

IMO I would find it hard to believe that a straight guy 100% comfortable with his sexuality would ever 'play homosexual' even while drunk. I've gotten super mind-numbingly drunk before in my 30+ years experience and seen some of my friends even surpass me in those decades-- I've NEVER seen anybody get so drunk they forget the gender that they're supposed to be attracted to.

So yeah he is either confused on his own attraction to you or just too scared to fully come out of the closet without 'I was drunk' as an excuse, and definitely would not have allowed himself to get actual-drunk around you post-Confession when he knows you are blatantly seeing him as 'the one'. I think his inebriation was an excuse just to flirt with you and see how it felt to him to give in. If he does it again (while 'drunk' even) shut it down immediately and ask him point blank "What am I to you?" and if he says 'just friends' or something like that explain what you want to be defined by 'just friends'-- cause normally friends don't flirt!

[CATCH_US IS the Conversation]

I'd say the dude is a jerk. He probably is straight. But at the same time, he's "open minded" enough that he wouldn't mind getting in your pants if there's no vagina within arm's reach; but only if you're the one doing the sucking/bending over and he doesn't have to reciprocate (because he's "straight" and "straight" guys don't do "gay" things like that). He wants you to be another conquest just like any of his female conquests, and he thinks because you're gay and have feelings for him, you SHOULD be okay with that as long as you're "getting some".

Kick him to the curb.

[Legion]

The thing is, I haven't really felt anything for him like that in years. It was just when he was doing it, and I was drunk myself, he's a fit guy, I couldn't really help feeling those old things and if I thought it wouldnt kill our friendship, I probably would go there.

The other issue I have is that I kinda need him. Without him, I have like two other friends, one of whom is like a hermit and one who lives local, but not local enough to do the pub with. I kinda sound like some abused wife (minus the beatings), but I really would be upset to just cut ties and ditch him.

Why can't everyone just be bi and shag around with impunity?!