Return of the Living SB Movie Experiment: Pontypool
Apr 30, 2014 15:37:13 GMT -5
El Pollo Guerrera likes this
Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Apr 30, 2014 15:37:13 GMT -5
Starcrash
Suggested by Red Impact
Oooooh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Oh boy.
I've seen some silly shit on screen in my days but this, this is something special. Starcrash is one of those cult classic so-bad-it's-good movies and wow, it has earned its reputation. I had already read reviews of this film but it still managed to catch me off guard quite a few times. Right off the bat, the tone is set with the amazing technicolor space, showing extremely bright pastel stars, making it look more like a Christmas tree than space (I like to call it "The Starcrash Holiday Special!"), in which is floating a spaceship which -say it with me- "is only a model!" I suppose the models don't even look too bad (except for the bad guy's claw-shaped ship which, I shit you not, can for some reason close into a fist. And no, they don't even use that to punch other ships, which is one of the biggest wastes of potential in cinema history) but no effort is made to make them look believable. They are shot in extreme close-ups, lit in a way that almost feels like it's designed to purposefully show off how fake it is, to the point that they might as well have filmed a child playing with his toys in front of Christmas lights.
But that is by far not the visuals' biggest problem, which is saying a lot. You see, this film was made in 1978 and pretty much encapsulates the 70's aesthetics... for better and for worse. You see, in some cases there are those curvy elements that showed up a lot in that decade which, to be honest do have a certain charm and could have given the film a distinct style (well, the film does have that... just in the complete opposite way to what they were aiming for), but then you also have all the cheesiest and campiest aspects of the era, which show up far more frequently than the charming ones. You have got to see those control panels lighting up like disco balls to believe them.
The most baffling of the visual choices have got to be the costumes. Now don't get me wrong, I actually do like 70's fashion. The pastel colours, the bell-bottoms, the absurdly large collars, all that stuff, sign me up. Unfortunately, we don't get any of that. Instead, we get what someone would create if they were asked to create a parody of cheesy 70's clothing. Stella, the main female character, spends most of the movie in either a glorified bikini or an 80's female wrestler outfit (which is weird since the 80's hadn't happened yet at this point). Seriously, I'm pretty sure Leela was wearing the same thing in that one Futurama episode in which she and Amy randomly wrestle.
But at least she has that sexy space outlaw thing going on. Her male partner (whose relationship with her is never established. Are they married? Engaged? Dating? Siblings? Partners in crime? Friends? Who knows and who cares? We don't need to establish characters), on the other hand, is as goofy as it gets. Wearing a weird black and red faux leather suit that might actually have looked impressive on someone else, it looks gloriously out of place on him, which is not helped by the fact that I'm pretty sure he's wearing both eyeliner and lip balm. Also, jewfro: the hairstyle of heroes. They have good competition though as they are soon joined by a guy who can only be described as a bald, green Mr. Spock in terrible, unevenly applied make-up (by the way, greenface? Real progressive, guys) and wearing an outfit that would have been laughed out of a 50s B-movie and an android who looks like a cross between the Protectrons from Fallout and this robot from Futurama (well, as far as the head goes anyway, the rest of the body is obviously a guy in a suit) and acts as both C3PO and R2D2.
However, the winner in the goofy looks championship has GOT to be Count Zarth Arn, the villain of the movie (played by Joe Spinnell, who you may remember from Maniac, Rocky or The freaking Godfather). Alright, so it's pretty obvious that the film is ripping off Star Wars as much as it can (one character even wields a lightsaber at some point) as A New Hope had been released a year earlier so they're trying to emulate Darth Vader (right down to the name. Zarth, Darth... subtle guys) but, well... you remember how Darth Vader was imposing and had this menacing aura due to his Samurai-inspired all black outfit, cybernetic parts and of course his impressive voice and body language, making him the very personification of the concept of "evil"? Well here they gave him some grotesque vinyl Dracula outfit which does nothing to compliment his somewhat pudgy physique but My God, it's his hairstyle that really makes this one a winner. I don't even know how to describe it. It's somehow slicked back but also puffy and spiky on the sides. It is truly a sight to behold. Basically, imagine how Arkham City's version of Ra's Al Ghul could have been adapted in the Adam West version of Batman and you'll have a pretty decent idea of how he looks (and acts, though the Batman version would probably be more restrained).
I'm gonna stop right here with the visuals because it's already getting long and I'd be here all day if I pointed everything that looks weird and hilarious. Instead, let's talk for a minute about the story, which is somehow both very simple and very confusing. Very simple because the basic motivation isn't very complicated: a bad guy has created an extremely powerful weapon with which he intends to take over the universe and our heroes must find and destroy it. Confusing because NOTHING is established, except for stuff that doesn't need to be established (such as a half-second exterior shot of a space prison ship which we didn't need in order to understand where we were as a character had just stated that Stella is sentenced to be sent there and only makes things confusing when she is then seen running in a plain in a bright sunlight after she escapes as again, it's supposed to be a ship or colony, not a planet).
The most you can expect is for the characters to actually acknowledge the weirder things, but not to actually explain them, or at least not in a way that makes sense. For example, Akton, the main male character, anticipates another character's betrayal, this obviously means that he's prepared for anything or is good at analysing psychology, right? Oh wait, I'm sorry, according to this movie logic, what it actually obviously means is that he can see the future. And I do mean obviously because it's revealed by Stella, who goes "so, you can see the future" when she learns of this event, so I guess that's the conclusion I should have come to myself although he apparently didn't foresee being knocked unconscious by the same character.
Oh, my bad again, Akton explains he mustn't change the future ("it's against the law!") which is why he never told Stella about his gift even when it could have helped her. Which is why he has now used his power to change destiny by foiling the henchman's plan. Makes sense. In fact, Akton has a bunch of other powers, such as making... electricity... things with his hands (he doesn't use them in combat or anything, it just seems to be for his own amusement), creating holograms and deflecting lasers, none of which is ever foreshadowed or explained.
At another point (soon before that previous scene in fact), Akton is talking to... I'm not entirely sure, really. It looks like a giant crystal brain and is apparently the ship's computer. Never before that scene does it talk and it is never brought up afterwards again. Another time, our heroes are on a planet which is about to explode; suddenly the emperor (a good guy in this, one of the few things done differently from Star Wars) comes up and stops time by yelling his order to his ship. Not in some kind of apparel that would allow him to communicate with it, he just does. Of course, never was this ability told about earlier and it is never brought up again.
But of course the film's main draw is its infamous use of, er, "science". Look, I know it's science-fiction, they're going to take artistic licenses and make-up their own technology. I don't give sci-fi films crap for having sound and explosions in space, but the levels this film takes it is just special. See, the ships don't just explode, the debris and smoke actually fall down. Yes, they FALL, because of, you know, the space gravity. At some point, Stella must escape a ship about to crash into another, so she jumps into space... and SWIMS! She SWIMS IN SPACE! She's riding the space wave! Early on, Stella and Akton are caught by the police because they followed their friction trail. SPACE. FRICTION. You know, because of all of the air there is in space. Or maybe it's because of their ship sailing through the space waves, I don't know. And the time stopping I taalked about earlier? Yeah, it comes from a beam made of particles that exist out of time, but only for three minutes or SOMETHING. But my favourite comes near the end, as the emperor sends a bunch of giant goldendildos torpedildos, they come crashing through the windows of the bad guy's ship (which are apparently made of GLASS because it's a smart idea for a spaceship), which as well know, causes no change of pressure, gravity or any inconvenience whatsoever.
Oooh man. Look, I'm only scratching the surface of the silliness here. To describe it all would require an entire new thread. Go watch it yourselves, it's easily available. Oh and I haven't even really talked about the Hoff, whose presence in this movie only adds to the surreal. For starters, this is one of those movies that pulls the ol' guest star bait-and-switch. The Hoff only appears about 50 minutes in and has very few scenes but of course he gets top billing. Second, 'fros truly are the hairstyle of the future as he is pulling an afro which is as magnificent as it is jarring. You gotta see that thing bounce once he takes off his helmet. Again, 70's aesthetics for better and for mostly for worse. And while he doesn't appear much, he definitely makes up for the quantity with quality, his introduction being wearing an indescribable helmet with which he shoots down a bunch of bad guys thanks to its laser eyes.
So yeah, all in all, a surreal experience. I recommend watching it. It will be as striking to you as Star Wars... but not for the same reasons.
Coming up next, we have a "fish-out-of-the-water" teen drama with Lawn Dogs. Yyyyeeaaah, I think I made it clear what I think of those with the Angus review but I'll still give it the benefit of the doubt, not to mention the summary from IMDb does make it sound more original than the average teen drama. Besides, the point of this thread is for me to watch stuff I wouldn't normally seek out.
Suggested by Red Impact
Oooooh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Oh boy.
I've seen some silly shit on screen in my days but this, this is something special. Starcrash is one of those cult classic so-bad-it's-good movies and wow, it has earned its reputation. I had already read reviews of this film but it still managed to catch me off guard quite a few times. Right off the bat, the tone is set with the amazing technicolor space, showing extremely bright pastel stars, making it look more like a Christmas tree than space (I like to call it "The Starcrash Holiday Special!"), in which is floating a spaceship which -say it with me- "is only a model!" I suppose the models don't even look too bad (except for the bad guy's claw-shaped ship which, I shit you not, can for some reason close into a fist. And no, they don't even use that to punch other ships, which is one of the biggest wastes of potential in cinema history) but no effort is made to make them look believable. They are shot in extreme close-ups, lit in a way that almost feels like it's designed to purposefully show off how fake it is, to the point that they might as well have filmed a child playing with his toys in front of Christmas lights.
But that is by far not the visuals' biggest problem, which is saying a lot. You see, this film was made in 1978 and pretty much encapsulates the 70's aesthetics... for better and for worse. You see, in some cases there are those curvy elements that showed up a lot in that decade which, to be honest do have a certain charm and could have given the film a distinct style (well, the film does have that... just in the complete opposite way to what they were aiming for), but then you also have all the cheesiest and campiest aspects of the era, which show up far more frequently than the charming ones. You have got to see those control panels lighting up like disco balls to believe them.
The most baffling of the visual choices have got to be the costumes. Now don't get me wrong, I actually do like 70's fashion. The pastel colours, the bell-bottoms, the absurdly large collars, all that stuff, sign me up. Unfortunately, we don't get any of that. Instead, we get what someone would create if they were asked to create a parody of cheesy 70's clothing. Stella, the main female character, spends most of the movie in either a glorified bikini or an 80's female wrestler outfit (which is weird since the 80's hadn't happened yet at this point). Seriously, I'm pretty sure Leela was wearing the same thing in that one Futurama episode in which she and Amy randomly wrestle.
But at least she has that sexy space outlaw thing going on. Her male partner (whose relationship with her is never established. Are they married? Engaged? Dating? Siblings? Partners in crime? Friends? Who knows and who cares? We don't need to establish characters), on the other hand, is as goofy as it gets. Wearing a weird black and red faux leather suit that might actually have looked impressive on someone else, it looks gloriously out of place on him, which is not helped by the fact that I'm pretty sure he's wearing both eyeliner and lip balm. Also, jewfro: the hairstyle of heroes. They have good competition though as they are soon joined by a guy who can only be described as a bald, green Mr. Spock in terrible, unevenly applied make-up (by the way, greenface? Real progressive, guys) and wearing an outfit that would have been laughed out of a 50s B-movie and an android who looks like a cross between the Protectrons from Fallout and this robot from Futurama (well, as far as the head goes anyway, the rest of the body is obviously a guy in a suit) and acts as both C3PO and R2D2.
However, the winner in the goofy looks championship has GOT to be Count Zarth Arn, the villain of the movie (played by Joe Spinnell, who you may remember from Maniac, Rocky or The freaking Godfather). Alright, so it's pretty obvious that the film is ripping off Star Wars as much as it can (one character even wields a lightsaber at some point) as A New Hope had been released a year earlier so they're trying to emulate Darth Vader (right down to the name. Zarth, Darth... subtle guys) but, well... you remember how Darth Vader was imposing and had this menacing aura due to his Samurai-inspired all black outfit, cybernetic parts and of course his impressive voice and body language, making him the very personification of the concept of "evil"? Well here they gave him some grotesque vinyl Dracula outfit which does nothing to compliment his somewhat pudgy physique but My God, it's his hairstyle that really makes this one a winner. I don't even know how to describe it. It's somehow slicked back but also puffy and spiky on the sides. It is truly a sight to behold. Basically, imagine how Arkham City's version of Ra's Al Ghul could have been adapted in the Adam West version of Batman and you'll have a pretty decent idea of how he looks (and acts, though the Batman version would probably be more restrained).
I'm gonna stop right here with the visuals because it's already getting long and I'd be here all day if I pointed everything that looks weird and hilarious. Instead, let's talk for a minute about the story, which is somehow both very simple and very confusing. Very simple because the basic motivation isn't very complicated: a bad guy has created an extremely powerful weapon with which he intends to take over the universe and our heroes must find and destroy it. Confusing because NOTHING is established, except for stuff that doesn't need to be established (such as a half-second exterior shot of a space prison ship which we didn't need in order to understand where we were as a character had just stated that Stella is sentenced to be sent there and only makes things confusing when she is then seen running in a plain in a bright sunlight after she escapes as again, it's supposed to be a ship or colony, not a planet).
The most you can expect is for the characters to actually acknowledge the weirder things, but not to actually explain them, or at least not in a way that makes sense. For example, Akton, the main male character, anticipates another character's betrayal, this obviously means that he's prepared for anything or is good at analysing psychology, right? Oh wait, I'm sorry, according to this movie logic, what it actually obviously means is that he can see the future. And I do mean obviously because it's revealed by Stella, who goes "so, you can see the future" when she learns of this event, so I guess that's the conclusion I should have come to myself although he apparently didn't foresee being knocked unconscious by the same character.
Oh, my bad again, Akton explains he mustn't change the future ("it's against the law!") which is why he never told Stella about his gift even when it could have helped her. Which is why he has now used his power to change destiny by foiling the henchman's plan. Makes sense. In fact, Akton has a bunch of other powers, such as making... electricity... things with his hands (he doesn't use them in combat or anything, it just seems to be for his own amusement), creating holograms and deflecting lasers, none of which is ever foreshadowed or explained.
At another point (soon before that previous scene in fact), Akton is talking to... I'm not entirely sure, really. It looks like a giant crystal brain and is apparently the ship's computer. Never before that scene does it talk and it is never brought up afterwards again. Another time, our heroes are on a planet which is about to explode; suddenly the emperor (a good guy in this, one of the few things done differently from Star Wars) comes up and stops time by yelling his order to his ship. Not in some kind of apparel that would allow him to communicate with it, he just does. Of course, never was this ability told about earlier and it is never brought up again.
But of course the film's main draw is its infamous use of, er, "science". Look, I know it's science-fiction, they're going to take artistic licenses and make-up their own technology. I don't give sci-fi films crap for having sound and explosions in space, but the levels this film takes it is just special. See, the ships don't just explode, the debris and smoke actually fall down. Yes, they FALL, because of, you know, the space gravity. At some point, Stella must escape a ship about to crash into another, so she jumps into space... and SWIMS! She SWIMS IN SPACE! She's riding the space wave! Early on, Stella and Akton are caught by the police because they followed their friction trail. SPACE. FRICTION. You know, because of all of the air there is in space. Or maybe it's because of their ship sailing through the space waves, I don't know. And the time stopping I taalked about earlier? Yeah, it comes from a beam made of particles that exist out of time, but only for three minutes or SOMETHING. But my favourite comes near the end, as the emperor sends a bunch of giant golden
Oooh man. Look, I'm only scratching the surface of the silliness here. To describe it all would require an entire new thread. Go watch it yourselves, it's easily available. Oh and I haven't even really talked about the Hoff, whose presence in this movie only adds to the surreal. For starters, this is one of those movies that pulls the ol' guest star bait-and-switch. The Hoff only appears about 50 minutes in and has very few scenes but of course he gets top billing. Second, 'fros truly are the hairstyle of the future as he is pulling an afro which is as magnificent as it is jarring. You gotta see that thing bounce once he takes off his helmet. Again, 70's aesthetics for better and for mostly for worse. And while he doesn't appear much, he definitely makes up for the quantity with quality, his introduction being wearing an indescribable helmet with which he shoots down a bunch of bad guys thanks to its laser eyes.
So yeah, all in all, a surreal experience. I recommend watching it. It will be as striking to you as Star Wars... but not for the same reasons.
Coming up next, we have a "fish-out-of-the-water" teen drama with Lawn Dogs. Yyyyeeaaah, I think I made it clear what I think of those with the Angus review but I'll still give it the benefit of the doubt, not to mention the summary from IMDb does make it sound more original than the average teen drama. Besides, the point of this thread is for me to watch stuff I wouldn't normally seek out.
