Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2014 23:00:16 GMT -5
In Your House - Ground Zero
- Ugh, almost three hours. Getting a bunch of short shows has spoiled me at this point. Though I'm sure this will feel like a shorter sit than December to Dismember.
- Damn were those some chair shots on Taker. He took those straight on.
- More things could use spinning Stridex logos.
- Vince's tux is looking quite snazzy.
Brian Pillman vs. Goldust
- This recap video makes this feud look really interesting! I wonder what the payoff was!
- So, the stipulations of this match are that if Pillman wins he's a rapist?
- And who would write f***ing Goldust to be in that sort of position, anyway?
- Pillman's entrance needs more random throwing up of the Four Horsemen sign for no reason.
- I'm digging that shirt though, it's incredibly 90s. Just unbelievably so.
- The crowd being out of breath trying to keep up with Goldust's punches in the corner going over ten is kind of funny. Someone should bust that spot out again sometime.
- Boo, don't use the shirt as a weapon, you might tear it.
- Don't mention Pillman's car wreck in a match with Goldust, that's just begging to make things awkward.
- And don't mention that it could be his last match either.
- Why turn Goldust to be closer to the ring, so that had the suplex worked he would've had less of a distance to go to get back to the ring?
- Oh, the referee left the ring rather than count anyway so it doesn't matter.
- Well, that's kind of your fault for putting a big red mark on your crotch, Brian.
- Pillman's landing on the railing was pretty nasty.
- Quite a pop for Pillman winning the right to rape Terri.
- Uh, Brian, figure you should go grab your clothes first? I guess maybe Bret or Neidhart will bring them to you, I dunno.
Scott Putski vs. Brian Christopher
- My brother's first and middle names are Bryan Christopher.
- Did Scott Putski serve as the inspiration for Heath Slater's debut attire?
- Well, that ending was weak. As was the match really, just kind of a short nothing match.
- This gimmick of a commentator completely geeking out over someone obviously related to them that goes completely denied should be resurrected at some point, though there aren't exactly many openings for it right now.
- Oh, okay, legitimate injury cut the match short. Understandable then I guess.
Crush vs. Savio Vega vs. Faarooq
- Damn this sounds awful.
- I know triple threats were kind of a new phenomenon at this point, but is it really so complicated they have to pop up a screw listing the rules?
- This is the slowest paced triple threat match of all time right now.
- Yeah, this is terrible. Please tell me the rest of the card is better than this, I'm not even an hour into the show.
- Gee, both guys have entirely stopped fighting each other and are double-teaming Savio, I wonder who wins.
- After all of that Savio only sells it for like five seconds?
- Worst spike piledriver ever, other than maybe the one on Tazz.
- Really, Crush is put down for three by a spinning heel kick?
El Torito vs. Max Mini
- El Torito looks like a monster heel here.
- I'm going to try and avoid jokes about the current El Torito.
- Just seconds in this is already a pretty crazy spotfest.
- Pretty sick Big Boot to the back of the head there.
- The World's Smallest Athlete should team up with Big Show and be The World's Biggest Size Descrepancy Between Athletes.
- Can we blow up this El Torito into being 6'6" or something? He's kind of awesome as a dominating beast.
- That was the best match of the night so far, quite easily. Be better had the commentators treated it seriously but fun stuff.
- What the hell is King rambling about talking about El Torito buying a hotel or something?
- Do they really need to repeatedly play the shot of Austin breaking his neck? Not exactly easy to watch.
- So why couldn't Dude Love just pick a new tag partner or something?
- It occurs to me, while they both did it with Foley, Rock and Austin somehow never did the wacky mismatched tag champions gimmick together.
- Except for a year later when Foley was totally okay with defending the tag titles by himself.
- The big loopy earring seems like a weird choice on Austin's part.
- So is there an actual point to having this segment on PPV or having Foely there? It's a good one but it seems just there to kill time.
- I'm guessing going by this selling we'll be going JR-less for the rest of the night.
- Austin took out the voice of the company so... SLAUGHTER SUCKS! SLAUGHTER SUCKS! SLAUGHTER SUCKS!
- Dok Hendrix!
- Austin will do the same thing to Vince as he did to JR. Foreshadowing!
The Headbangers vs. The Godwinns vs. The Hart Foundation vs. The Legion of Doom
- Here comes the Mosh, here comes the Thrasher... That totally should've been their theme.
- So does every team in this match get a promo during their entrance? Kind of hope so but it'd be redundant since Owen and Bulldog just got one.
- Slammies!
- Nope, they don't get a promo and instead LOD gets theirs during the Harts' entrance. Probably the best way to handle it.
- What on earth is Animal talking about?
- And what is Hawk even saying? I basically can't even understand him.
- They should bring in Animal and pair him up with Kofi as the Legion of Boom.
- And now they've popped up a screen of the rules of a four team elimination match. Eh, at least it's more complicated than a triple threat is.
- So, they do that tag in the partners against each other stuff only to tag back out before PIG is even in the ring. So that was pointless.
- This match has a ton of stalling so far.
- Still a lot of stalling. And wait, Hawk punching Bulldog (and I think missing) counts as a tag?
- I'm amazed the crowd is as hot for LOD here as they are. This match warrants a massive boring chant.
- Network's suddenly buffering hardcore. Guess this match is putting it to sleep too.
- Nice, the most over team in the match are the first ones gone. And it's by DQ.
- Buffering again.
- So, was Owen Hart hurt or something? I don't think he's at all been in this match yet.
- There, there's Owen. About time, maybe he can pick up the pace on this a bit. Though he's against Thrasher so probably not.
- What on earth were the Headbangers trying for there?
- Why didn't they put the Number No Longer Active message over that ad like they generally do on these PPVs? Does that mean if I call that I can still get that Stone Cold VHS?
Bret Hart vs. The Patriot
- Really, first-person shots through a football helmet running on an obviously empty field, seemingly toward the bleachers instead of one of the goals?
- They're openly showing the Patriot's face? Okay, then why wear a mask?
- They say he'd never turn his back on his country while he's literally turning his back to the camera.
- What is with the camera angles during this video package? Especially the close-up on the Patriot's jaw that still totally shows you the rest of his face, which we've already seen a few times in this package.
- Why are they letting the Patriot talk for so long? This guy can't speak.
- And now we follow up with another promo, and his voice sounds completely different in this one.
- You suck! You suck! You suck! You suck!
- Hitmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
- Why isn't Bret actually wearing his sunglasses? It makes him look like he just woke up and they're one of those eye-covering things.
- It's really questionable that the Patriot's mask has a lot of gold but there is none in the rest of his outfit. Then again the mask has much more detail than the tights do which also looks wrong.
- Leave it to Bret Hart to manage a kind of neat exchange in the middle of an armbar.
- Won the first ever Shotgun Saturday Night battle royal and beat the Sultan on Raw. WWF Champion material!
- The figure four on the post is one of those moves somebody should bring back already.
- Pretty decent match so far, but it feels weirdly midcardy. Then again not like it's the main event.
- Random Vader!
- Wait, Vader's beating the shit out of Bret right in front of the referee, how is that not a DQ?
- Did Patriot use the wrong leg on the big boot? How does that happen?
- Patriot Missile is somehow a lamer name than Uncle Slam.
- That's what, like the third time Patriot's had the match won? As if it wasn't obvious enough he wasn't winning by the fact that he's the Patriot.
- So why was the triple threat on this show not Bret / Michaels / Taker anyway? That might've actually been really damn awesome.
- The valiant Canadian patriot claws his way out of a deadly submission, puts on one of his own, and makes the American patriot give up. Nice.
- Jesus, Patriot's a loser. He loses despite interference from Vader, taps out, then gets choked out with his own flag. Did he just royally piss Vince off before this?
- And the crowd chants for Austin over him.
- Then King compares Patriot to Vietnam, and Vince looks absolutely dumbfounded by it.
Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels
- So why did Taker go back to the zombie thing then? Was he just hung up on Kane burying him for a second time and needed to pretend to be dead to cope with the trauma?
- Add injury to insult, really?
- Close-up on HBK's ass.
- Michaels hasn't slept in his entire career, because of drugs. Lots and lots of drugs.
- What is with the music running really long tonight before the guy comes out? Bret was distracting earlier but Michaels in particular could be to the ring by the time he comes out.
- The entrance runs so long the song restarts.
- And the pyro gets screwed up. Nice.
- Never been particularly fond of this incarnation of Taker's theme.
- Ha, Michaels and the ref panicking right at the start is pretty great.
- That's, what, like the third or fourth reference tonight to Vince being in charge?
- Profectile ref! I love how needlessly cruel Taker's being to that guy.
- Michaels going to the door makes no sense but y'know what, it's pretty funny so I excuse it.
- This match rules and it hasn't even started yet. Also that sell job on the boot down the ramp is absolutely absurd.
- That punch sell is also absurd.
- Taker's hair here looks so silky smooth.
- Resident Evil Revelations is taking forever to download.
- This is a pretty good story here, where Michaels is initially completely overwhelmed but once he gets the upper hand he's good enough to keep it.
- Why did Rick Rude leave? Just to give Triple H an excuse to come out there?
- When did Rest In Peace chants die out anyway?
- I like that Taker's just as willing to cheat in this match as Michaels is, makes him look smart. Though not sure why he's suddenly exhausted after punching Triple H.
- Alternating hands for the ref counting. That's a weird one.
- I'm so glad that the endless bell ringing is a trend that's mostly died out.
- The match is over, why is Triple H standing outside the ring staring instead of beating on Taker in the ropes?
- Nice of Michaels to help get Triple H into the proper Tombstone position. That was nice of him.
- Yay for random heels attacking Taker! How many times did that happen for no reason anyway? I can think of like four off the top of my head.
- And Taker's dive ends it. Good stuff.
The show wasn't exactly good stuff in its own right, though. El Torito / Max Mini, Bret / Patriot, and especially Taker / Michaels are pretty good, but the rest of the show is largely pretty painful to sit through, especially the four way and the triple threat. It's not the worst show ever but if you've seen Taker / Michaels before then I wouldn't recommend giving the rest of the show a look.
Next up, can Sting and Davey Boy Smith overcome the Masters of the Powerbomb and their boat-destroying shenanigans? Find out at Beach Blast 1993!