Out of the friendzone and into a relationship

[OVO 40 hunched over like he 80]

A couple of months ago, I did a thread about just being ok with having a friendship with this awesome girl...it was just bullshit and I was lying to myself. I had really tough times, when we went out she called her ex or told me when she dated some other guy.

I thought that my destiny was to just be her friend, until I told her how I felt, it took her by surprise, she said that she was confused, I told her that we needed to know if there was an attraction, so we went out and I kissed her, there definitely was something.

That happened about a month ago, we dated all this while, and yesterday she asked me to be her boyfriend.

I just wanted to share my story. I know it's tough but if you're into someone you need to let that person know otherwise you may regret it later.

[Mid-Carder]

I hate the term "friendzone". It makes it seem like women's only purpose of ever being talked to is to be laid and not worthy enough as humans to be friends with

[Strotha]

What's wrong with having friends? I'm a paranoid distrustful antisocial misanthrope and even I don't understand why the "friendzone" is such a bad thing. Yes, I've been very smitten with girls (and boys) before, I know what it's like to be attracted to someone you can't have, but what's wrong with just being their friend, isn't that the second best option? If you can't be in a relationship with them can't you at least appreciate they're a part of your life at all? I know that's not really relevant in this case since you are dating but I really don't get why the friend zone is such a horrible place to be. It's better than not knowing them at all, isn't it?

[OVO 40 hunched over like he 80]

You're both right, you can be friends with women and there's nothing wrong with it, it's just that I have feelings for this particular girl that transcends a friendship

[Mid-Carder]

Dec 26, 2014 13:52:45 GMT -5 OVO 40 hunched over like he 80 said:

You're both right, you can be friends with women and there's nothing wrong with it, it's just that I have feelings for this particular girl that transcends a friendship

It wasn't really aimed at you, I remember your thread from before. It's just a strong dislike of the term "friendzone"

[suave]

The friendzone goes both ways though. Like, I friendzoned this girl last year. It's not just about guys expecting sex or whatever, it's a disconnect in the expectations for a relationship between two parties.

[Mid-Carder]

Dec 26, 2014 14:00:18 GMT -5 suave said:

The friendzone goes both ways though.

It doesn't. I guarantee that's not the term she used for you

[Sephiroth]

It's why God provided us with booze and hobbies to take our minds off it

[suave]

Dec 26, 2014 14:01:58 GMT -5 Mid-Carder said:

Dec 26, 2014 14:00:18 GMT -5 suave said:

The friendzone goes both ways though.

It doesn't. I guarantee that's not the term she used for you

It was, actually, we've kinda patched things up from that awkward spot and we joke about it now. I fail to see how it's only a one way street.

[Mid-Carder]

Dec 26, 2014 14:16:42 GMT -5 suave said:

Dec 26, 2014 14:01:58 GMT -5 Mid-Carder said:

It doesn't. I guarantee that's not the term she used for you

It was, actually, we've kinda patched things up from that awkward spot and we joke about it now. I fail to see how it's only a one way street.

Because you're still friends. She's not begrudging you friendship because you won't sleep with her

edit: which is my problem with the term "friendzone", not this topic by the way. It's a lot of negative connotations that I don't like

[revolver86]

I was kind of in a similar situation. The big difference being that she went with the other guy as her bf. We still get together and hook up, which is all sorts of wrong. Lately I've noticed we don't hang out as much as we used to and now I see her more when she makes random booty calls. It sucks because I think she's putting our friendship on the back burner and making it all about the sex. I've been crazy about her for years, but I'm feeling kind of used.

[rapidfire187]

Something like that happened with me recently only I never felt "friendzoned". The girl is incredibly hot and 18 so I had always assumed she wouldn't be into me. I jusy avoided looking at her that way. We had hung out several times over the last year and she ended up asking me out. Suddenly, she was making me feel amazing about myself.

Sadly, I think it ruined our friendship. We've had several breakups and fights already. It's almost like she's trying to break my heart. She brings other guys around, talks or texts on her phone constantly and asks for big favors every day. I only see her when I'm needed now. We haven't had sex in weeks yet she always hints at it. If I ever have a problem with any of this, she gets very verbally abusive and tries to withdraw from me. If I dump her, she just comes back afew days later begging me to take her back. Basically, she's driving me insane.

I guess I'm saying be careful and have fun!

["I'm Batman..."]

I can't even get in the friendzone.

[Crimson]

Dec 26, 2014 18:27:42 GMT -5 "I'm Batman..." said:

I can't even get in the friendzone.

"I can't be your friend because I don't even see you like a brother. I don't want to ruin our acquaintanceship."

[Hit Girl]

Hey well done.


I keep telling guys that being friends with a girl is 50% of the mission accomplished, if indeed you want a romantic relationship with her.

You can't have a romance without friendship

[revolver86]

Dec 26, 2014 18:38:01 GMT -5 Hit Girl said:

Hey well done.


I keep telling guys that being friends with a girl is 50% of the mission accomplished, if indeed you want a romantic relationship with her.

You can't have a romance without friendship

Yeah, guys always get weirded out that I have so many female friends, but I've developed some excellent friendships, over the years. Plus it helps you meet other women who might be interested, in you. The last thing you want to convey is that you can't or choose not to communicate with the opposite sex in a platonic manner.

[Pooh Carlson]

Dec 26, 2014 14:18:46 GMT -5 Mid-Carder said:

Dec 26, 2014 14:16:42 GMT -5 suave said:

It was, actually, we've kinda patched things up from that awkward spot and we joke about it now. I fail to see how it's only a one way street.

Because you're still friends. She's not begrudging you friendship because you won't sleep with her

edit: which is my problem with the term "friendzone", not this topic by the way. It's a lot of negative connotations that I don't like

Betting friendzoned isn't just about not having sex with that person. I got caught on the friendzone with somebody that, it wasn't just about sex, I thought we clicked so good as friends that there could be a future there, especially when it seems to me like she's flirty and such and then when she says she doesn't feel that way, its a ton of bricks in your lap. And then to see that person with somebody else not long after you poor your heart out and it's not reciprocated, that feeling sucks. With that person, I'm very good friends now and I'm just fine being friends at this point with her, but at the time, yeah it sucks. There were times that I had to stop talking to her or stop hanging out with her because I still had feelings and she had none, sometimes you need to do that to get over it.

Either way, congrats on getting out of the friendzone!

[Deleted]

I call for a moratorium on all future "friend zone" debate threads.

[Mid-Carder]

Dec 26, 2014 18:46:52 GMT -5 Pooh Carlson said:

Dec 26, 2014 14:18:46 GMT -5 Mid-Carder said:

Because you're still friends. She's not begrudging you friendship because you won't sleep with her

edit: which is my problem with the term "friendzone", not this topic by the way. It's a lot of negative connotations that I don't like

Betting friendzoned isn't just about not having sex with that person. I got caught on the friendzone with somebody that, it wasn't just about sex, I thought we clicked so good as friends that there could be a future there, especially when it seems to me like she's flirty and such and then when she says she doesn't feel that way, its a ton of bricks in your lap. And then to see that person with somebody else not long after you poor your heart out and it's not reciprocated, that feeling sucks. With that person, I'm very good friends now and I'm just fine being friends at this point with her, but at the time, yeah it sucks. There were times that I had to stop talking to her or stop hanging out with her because I still had feelings and she had none, sometimes you need to do that to get over it.

Either way, congrats on getting out of the friendzone!

Again, I'm not talking about the topic itself, as I said above, but the actual term "friendzone" which puts negative and sexual connotations into being friends with a woman.

[revolver86]

I wish we had another term for the nicer, less bitter version of that word. There's being in the "friendzone" and being in that shameful pit that is the friendzone we all argue about. I've felt both situations, and they are not one and the same.