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Post by bibboid on May 14, 2021 9:34:58 GMT -5
What do you call a dead magician?
An abracadaver.
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Perd
Patti Mayonnaise
Leslie needs to butt out for fear of receiving The Bunghole Buster
Posts: 31,945
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Post by Perd on May 14, 2021 11:41:07 GMT -5
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 1080p?
“HDMI.”
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Post by CeilingFan on May 14, 2021 11:45:16 GMT -5
What's green and red, and goes 100 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender!
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ERON
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 6,773
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Post by ERON on May 14, 2021 12:44:53 GMT -5
Why do Mario and Luigi hang out with Toad?
Because he's such a fungi!
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mc74
Samurai Cop
Posts: 2,410
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Post by mc74 on May 28, 2021 20:54:33 GMT -5
Another German pun. Treffen sich 2 Fische im Wasser, sagt der eine "Hi.", sagt der andere "Wo?".
Translation: 2 fishes meet in the water, one greets the other by saying "Hi". The other one asks "Where?".
The context of the joke: Hi is used as a greeting, but it's pronounced the same as "Hai", which is German for shark.
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,200
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Post by Spider2024 on May 28, 2021 20:59:51 GMT -5
My buddy is usually very good at crosswords, but yesterday he got stuck on "a 7 letter word for an unusual/uncomfortable situation".
It was awkward.
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Post by bibboid on Jun 4, 2021 9:33:17 GMT -5
For those who were wondering, the exact opposite of Iceland is water water.
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mc74
Samurai Cop
Posts: 2,410
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Post by mc74 on Jun 4, 2021 11:30:59 GMT -5
I've got one in Polish.
Przychodzi facet do okulisty i mówi: "Dzień dobry, poproszę okulary." "Do czego?" "Do widzenia." "Do widzenia."
Translation:
A man visits the ophthalmologist.
Man: Good morning. I'd like to get glasses.
Ophthalmologist: For what?
Man: For seeing.
Ophthalmologist: Goodbye.
Context of the joke: "Do widzenia" can mean both "for seeing" and "goodbye".
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Post by Main Event Mark on Jun 23, 2021 12:03:08 GMT -5
I bought a wig today for $1.
It was a small price toupee.
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Post by Main Event Mark on Jun 24, 2021 17:19:01 GMT -5
Officer: "I'm arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Suspect: "Wait, I can explain everything!"
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Gecko
Grimlock
FAN Pyrite Member. Muahahaha
Posts: 13,245
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Post by Gecko on Jun 25, 2021 11:53:31 GMT -5
What type of cheese is made backwards? {Spoiler}Edam
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Post by Main Event Mark on Jul 1, 2021 14:24:00 GMT -5
Did you hear about the oldest suspected message in a bottle to be discovered? The bottle washed up on shore, and after testing the bottle itself and the paper inside, it's estimated to be approximately 150 years old. The message inside read: "New bottle, who dis?"
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Post by bibboid on Jul 2, 2021 10:50:47 GMT -5
I have a friend who writes music about sewing machines.
He’s a Singer songwriter.
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Post by bibboid on Jul 2, 2021 15:36:55 GMT -5
Male bees die after mating. That’s basically their life.
Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
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pinja
Unicron
Posts: 2,996
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Post by pinja on Jul 2, 2021 15:51:03 GMT -5
What is hot and barks? A woofle maker.
Vince Russo: "Bro, lemme tell you somethin'. Everybody, and I mean everybody thought it's a hot dog, but I swerved them all."
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Post by bibboid on Jul 9, 2021 9:46:36 GMT -5
I got the words “jacuzzi” and “Yakuza” confused.
Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 9, 2021 10:08:08 GMT -5
What was the worst part of the incident that gave The Weeknd amnesia?
He found out he wasn't abel.
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Square
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Official Ambassador
Grand Poobah of Scavenger Hunts 2011
Square-Because he looks good at all the right angles.
Posts: 18,700
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Post by Square on Jul 9, 2021 10:20:11 GMT -5
My love life
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mc74
Samurai Cop
Posts: 2,410
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Post by mc74 on Jul 9, 2021 10:38:28 GMT -5
Got one in Italian.
Hai sentito dell'astronauta claustrofobico?
Aveva solo bisogno di spazio.
Translation: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed space.
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Post by bibboid on Jul 9, 2021 13:08:25 GMT -5
What is a spider’s favorite beer?
Bug lite
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