I think we may have reached peak clickbait.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

Saw this one a couple days ago and every time I look at it, I am mystified. It's like at least five different layers of absurdity in one sentence and something that there is no way in Hell they could back up:


- treating the Illuminati as real despite the fact that, at least in the way it is generally portrayed, the popular conception of the Illuminati is entirely fictitious;

- randomly claiming that the Illuminati, should they exist, have "sex parties" which I'm pretty sure even nutjobs who got a little too much into The Illuminatus! Trilogy (or more accurately, into the ramblings of people who got a little too much into it) do not believe is a thing;

- the idea that even if for the sake of argument, we say that Illuminati sex parties are a thing, the extremely secretive, paranoid and aggressive society allows new members to join for that alone;

- the fact that, again, even assuming all of that is true, I would love to see how they can prove that these celebrities did in fact join the Illuminati just for sex parties;

- the notion that attractive and powerful celebrities can't just organize their own sex parties if they really want to indulge in them so bad and need to join a secret cult to do so. Yes, I'm sure Katy Perry or whoever it is on that picture has a very difficult time finding sex partners. Obviously the Illuminati is the only solution;

- trying to make us buy that either some random clickbait site discovered multiple celebrities who joined the Illuminati solely for the sex or it's publicly available knowledge. Either way, glad the Illuminati is so cool with being exposed for a secret society hell-bent on world domination who is willing to kill anyone who crosses them;



This feels like an Onion article or something. It's almost to the point where I wonder if it's meta psychology and they're trying to get people to click just to see how absurd the article is. Almost worked for me but I didn't want to support them by checking it out even for a laugh. Besides, it's clickbait, you know that the payoff is going to be a massive disappointment compared to what had been promised. Which also perfectly describes Illuminati sex parties.

[Deleted]

That's exactly what they want you to think.

[Mochi Lone Wolf]

You'd be surprised how many people genuinely believe these sorts of things. Regardless of how absurd or slanderous it may be. Actually, more than a few people buy into much worse conspiracy theories than that with just as much evidence(read: zero) as that. Shit involving more than just consenting adults. And these folks are dead serious about this stuff.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

Mar 22, 2017 3:53:20 GMT -5 Mochi Lone Wolf said:

You'd be surprised how many people genuinely believe these sorts of things. Regardless of how absurd or slanderous it may be. Actually, more than a few people buy into much worse conspiracy theories than that with just as much evidence(read: zero) as that. Shit involving more than just consenting adults. And these folks are dead serious about this stuff.

Oh, I know. What I find incredible here is that usually clickbait refrains from this sort of stuff and just wildly exaggerates things instead of downright making shit up. I mean, it's beyond not giving a shit. It's giving negative shits.

[Bob Schlapowitz]

#7 will shock you!

[Mozenrath]

My favorite are those ones that pair two celebrities, usually a gorgeous woman and a relatively homely guy, and like 6-7 versions exist with Bill Nye with various actresses. Bill Nye, Dalliance Guy.

[Fundertaker]

Mar 22, 2017 8:29:59 GMT -5 Bob Schlapowitz said:

#7 will shock you!

You will not believe #4!

[Confused Mark Wahlberg]

The way [has-been celebrity] looks now will shock you!

[Push R Truth]

Lack of Bigfoot is the only reason I don't think it's true

[Pooh Carlson]

How do I get in on this?

[Magnus the Magnificent]

Alright, who tattled?
...
...
I mean, ha-ha, what a ridiculous story, ha-ha.

[Deleted]

Sounds like a future It's Always in Sunny Philadelphia episode. "The Gang Joins The Illuminati for Sex Parties"

[Mozenrath]

This just makes me think of how Brad Jones described Eyes Wide Shut as something like, "Tom Cruise tries and fails to get laid, and crazy shit happens because of it".

[The Heartbreak TWERK]

Who are the top five people who joined the Illuminati for sex parties?

Dylan.

Dylan.
Dylan.
Dylan.
Dylan.

Because he spits hot fiyah!

[The Ichi]

I miss the Oprah/Ellen have been lying to you ones.

[Nikki Heyman]

I thought the thread title was what we should be discussing here....

[Main Eventer]

Mar 22, 2017 8:53:12 GMT -5 Fundertaker said:

Mar 22, 2017 8:29:59 GMT -5 Bob Schlapowitz said:

#7 will shock you!

You will not believe #4!

#2 will make you cry.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

Mar 22, 2017 12:43:19 GMT -5 Nikki Heyman said:

I thought the thread title was what we should be discussing here....

Wait until we reach page 7. It will shock you and you won't believe what happens next!

[Mozenrath]

Mar 22, 2017 9:00:51 GMT -5 Confused Mark Wahlberg said:

The way [has-been celebrity] looks now will shock you!

"PRECIOUS LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT!" paired with woman who is clearly not her.

[Push R Truth]

Mar 22, 2017 12:55:46 GMT -5 Mozenrath said:

Mar 22, 2017 9:00:51 GMT -5 Confused Mark Wahlberg said:

The way [has-been celebrity] looks now will shock you!

"PRECIOUS LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT!" paired with woman who is clearly not her.

My favorite part of that one is that I've never seen it refer to her by her actual name. It's always just "PRECIOUS"

Usually in all caps like that too