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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Jun 19, 2017 5:16:06 GMT -5
in Act 1 of a terrible action film in 1990. I think that's what kinda bugs me about him/why I've missed the memo on the dude. Just something about the guy's look screams 'I'm gonna attempt to rob a convenience store, and then get taken out by some whisper-mumbling cop'  "Gimme the money man!"  "Something inane that isn't gonna age well." *Slow Aikido ensues*    "Quip 1/10th as cool as anything Arnold would say" *Off to join the actual "plot" of the Seagal film called Killed to Death or whatever* |
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Post by Amazing Kitsune on Jun 19, 2017 9:05:16 GMT -5
I agree with this.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Jun 19, 2017 9:18:52 GMT -5
I forgot to include a Ratt B side on the soundtrack as the slow Aikido was in progress, but it would be there.
As ya can see, this post is more of a Seagal slam than anything.
Let's be honest, I'm jealous he was nailing late 80s Kelly LeBrock.
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Post by Thunderbolt on Jun 19, 2017 11:06:28 GMT -5
The name of the movie would most likely be a location, as most of his movie titles were:
On Deadly Ground
Fire Down BELOW
I can't be arsed to remember any more of his movie titles at this point.
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JCBaggee
Hank Scorpio
Writer, streamer. I used to write for CBR but then they fired everyone who cared about their writers
Posts: 6,792
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Post by JCBaggee on Jun 19, 2017 14:41:20 GMT -5
Nah c'mon, it's 2017. He'd play the "genetically superior" clone made from an old sample of Seagal's tissue in UNDER SIEGE 3.
But then Seagal beats him because genetics don't affect his heart, and the clone gives his life to save him by film's end, giving a heroic thumbs up as he dies.
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Post by ThankGodForSidJustice on Jun 19, 2017 16:50:52 GMT -5
Has anybody seen Baron? Anybody know why Baron did Sami Zayn? Well I'm gonna keep coming back here until somebody remembers seeing Baron.
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StuntGranny®
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Not Actually a Granny
Posts: 16,099
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Post by StuntGranny® on Jun 19, 2017 17:05:55 GMT -5
His shitty promos and average athleticism would make him a perfect fit for a movie like that.
Also, like Steven Segal movies in 2017, he doesn't get much of a reaction. Again, perfect fit!
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mizerable
Fry's dog Seymour
You're the lowest on the totem pole here, Alva. The lowest.
Posts: 23,475
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Post by mizerable on Jun 19, 2017 17:27:22 GMT -5
His quips weren't as good as Arnold's, but a lot of his kills were very memorable.
In Under Siege, he gets in a knife fight with Tommy Lee Jones that is so one sided, it's actually worth watching now.
But the best is Marked For Death. After decapitating Screwdriver, he tracks down his twin brother and has a sword fight. While the twin was able to push Seagal into some stuff, Seagal in turn was able to slice him up including slicing his face in half, throwing him through a wall, gouging his eyes out with his thumbs, snapping his spinal cord over his knee and then throwing him down a shaft where he gets impaled.
I mean I like Arnold, but Seagal is so damn protected in his movies it is endearing.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2017 17:30:16 GMT -5
Eh, Seagal barely even got hit during most of his early movies. EDIT: His quips weren't as good as Arnold's, but a lot of his kills were very memorable. In Under Siege, he gets in a knife fight with Tommy Lee Jones that is so one sided, it's actually worth watching now. But the best is Marked For Death. After decapitating Screwdriver, he tracks down his twin brother and has a sword fight. While the twin was able to push Seagal into some stuff, Seagal in turn was able to slice him up including slicing his face in half, throwing him through a wall, gouging his eyes out with his thumbs, snapping his spinal cord over his knee and then throwing him down a shaft where he gets impaled. I mean I like Arnold, but Seagal is so damn protected in his movies it is endearing. I saw this after I posted my comment haha you are spot on. Guy below me said the same thing! Are you an O&A fan by any chance? There's a hilarious YT video of Patrice Oneal ranting about Seagal movies that takes the audio from his radio appearances and sets them to the actual movie footage. Hilarious stuff, especially that fight you mentioned from Marked for Death. |
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Post by Confused Mark Wahlberg on Jun 19, 2017 17:30:25 GMT -5
Does Seagal even get hit in his movies?
He's like the Undertaker in a Superstars squash match or something
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Post by madness50 on Jun 19, 2017 17:42:36 GMT -5
Does Seagal even get hit in his movies? He's like the Undertaker in a Superstars squash match or something Other than getting shot in Hard to Kill, I know that the bad guys didn't land a single punch on Seagal in that movie. He even shoved a pool stick through some guys' throat lol. |
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Post by ThankGodForSidJustice on Jun 19, 2017 17:52:16 GMT -5
Does Seagal even get hit in his movies? He's like the Undertaker in a Superstars squash match or something Only time I can think of is in final scene in Out for Justice when he got shot in the side, which he then promptly no sold while proceeding to kill about 10 bad guys with no problem at all. He produced pretty much all of his films and he's also apparently a egomaniac so that probably explains why he's always made to look so strong and why all his fights are so decisive. I'm personally a big fan as his films as they just have that over the top 80's cheese I like and I actually prefer his one sided dominance even in the final fight scenes as opposed to the usual and predictable back and forth wrestling esque fight scenes you see in every other action movie. It's refreshing and also not to mention pretty funny. |
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Post by dreamer75 on Jun 19, 2017 18:33:46 GMT -5
Does Seagal even get hit in his movies? He's like the Undertaker in a Superstars squash match or something Only time I can think of is in final scene in Out for Justice when he got shot in the side, which he then promptly no sold while proceeding to kill about 10 bad guys with no problem at all. He produced pretty much all of his films and he's also apparently a egomaniac so that probably explains why he's always made to look so strong and why all his fights are so decisive. I'm personally a big fan as his films as they just have that over the top 80's cheese I like and I actually prefer his one sided dominance even in the final fight scenes as opposed to the usual and predictable back and forth wrestling esque fight scenes you see in every other action movie. It's refreshing and also not to mention pretty funny. When all his movies are: Starring Steven Seagal written by Steven Seagal Directed by Steven Seagal Produced by Steven Seagal He is going to be invincible Ypu also summed up why Will Sasso's parody of Seagal on Madtv is still hilarious to me |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2017 18:39:27 GMT -5
His shitty promos and average athleticism would make him a perfect fit for a movie like that. Also, like Steven Segal movies in 2017, he doesn't get much of a reaction. Again, perfect fit! I don't see how anyone who has made it to the NFL even at the practice squad level is an average athlete. |
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Post by ThankGodForSidJustice on Jun 19, 2017 18:49:03 GMT -5
Only time I can think of is in final scene in Out for Justice when he got shot in the side, which he then promptly no sold while proceeding to kill about 10 bad guys with no problem at all. He produced pretty much all of his films and he's also apparently a egomaniac so that probably explains why he's always made to look so strong and why all his fights are so decisive. I'm personally a big fan as his films as they just have that over the top 80's cheese I like and I actually prefer his one sided dominance even in the final fight scenes as opposed to the usual and predictable back and forth wrestling esque fight scenes you see in every other action movie. It's refreshing and also not to mention pretty funny. When all his movies are: Starring Steven Seagal written by Steven Seagal Directed by Steven Seagal Produced by Steven Seagal He is going to be invincible Ypu also summed up why Will Sasso's parody of Seagal on Madtv is still hilarious to me I love those too especially the Steven Seagal's America one. Anytime I'm having a bad day I'll watch one of those and it never fails in cheering me up. "Hey man I don't want any trouble!". "Well I hope you brought your receipt because you just bought some" *karate kicks man into wall*. Such a great line that you could totally see him saying in one of his movies. |
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StuntGranny®
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Not Actually a Granny
Posts: 16,099
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Post by StuntGranny® on Jun 19, 2017 19:40:24 GMT -5
His shitty promos and average athleticism would make him a perfect fit for a movie like that. Also, like Steven Segal movies in 2017, he doesn't get much of a reaction. Again, perfect fit! I don't see how anyone who has made it to the NFL even at the practice squad level is an average athlete. Fine. Average sports-entertainer. U HAPPY NOW, PAL!? |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 19, 2017 19:43:33 GMT -5
I don't see how anyone who has made it to the NFL even at the practice squad level is an average athlete. Fine. Average sports-entertainer. U HAPPY NOW, PAL!? Happier than Baron Corbin when he found out he was winning MITB |
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Dat Dude
Dennis Stamp
Wait, what?
Posts: 4,785
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Post by Dat Dude on Jun 20, 2017 1:06:10 GMT -5
I'm calling it now: HOF Thread
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Post by AwamoriRock on Jun 20, 2017 1:21:23 GMT -5
Can't believe they didn't work this reference into Money in the Bank.
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Capt Lunatic
Unicron
Buttah in mah ass, lollipops in mah mouth
Posts: 3,241
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Post by Capt Lunatic on Jun 20, 2017 2:10:15 GMT -5
Seagal was the Ultimate Warrior to Vam Damme's Hogan.
VD would sell every beatdown he got, Seagal wasn't having ANY of that shit.
Also, TS is wrong as Baron Corbin is WAY too tall to be playing a Seagal opponent.
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