Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2017 0:02:22 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Slanted and Enchanted on Dec 20, 2017 0:18:32 GMT -5
Universe Admits To Wronging Area Wrestler His Entire Career
Following decades of allegations from the 31-year-old wrestler, the vast conglomeration of all matter and energy known as the universe admitted Tuesday that it was directly responsible for every single hardship in the life of Kalisto, and apologized for continually foiling him at every turn.
The cosmos admits it could have given Kalisto good sports-entertainment skills but deliberately chose not to. “Kalisto has good reason to say the universe is conspiring against him, because, well, it is," said the cosmos, acknowledging that it has thwarted Kalisto’s hopes and dreams from the moment of his NXTsigning. "He may sound melodramatic when he goes on and on about the whole world having turned against him, but he's actually not that far off. The forces of time and nature genuinely want him to fail in the WWE, and fail hard.”
"So, yes, his anger and frustration are totally understandable," the universe added. "Pointless and futile, but totally understandable."Sources close to Kalisto have long speculated that his failure to find success in championships, battle royals, and fanfare stemmed from his own poor decisions and lack of resolve, but the very source of all causality verified Tuesday that, just as Kalisto has always claimed, the blame for each misstep and unfortunate circumstance rests squarely on the cosmos's shoulders.
Using the metaphysical concepts of blind chance and cosmic predetermination, as well as other powers beyond human comprehension, the universe claimed to have "done its best" to increase the earthly burden on Kalisto, carefully engineering everything from his difficulty on cutting a decent promo after the Draft, to his botched aerials to the time Braun Strowman threw him in the garbage to send a message to Roman Reigns.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2017 0:20:27 GMT -5
And even worse than getting a bottle of water thrown at him, he's stuck teaming with Gran Metalik and feuding with Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher.
|
|
|
Post by EoE: Well There's Your Problem on Dec 20, 2017 0:23:15 GMT -5
Sin Cara’s like “How the f*** did I end up the Shawn Michaels of the Lucha Dragons? I ain’t won shit”.
|
|
|
Post by Starshine on Dec 20, 2017 0:49:08 GMT -5
I remember Samuray Del Sol being awesome on the indies, and I expected him to be a big deal once he got signed. I was upset when they initially teamed him up with Sin Cara because I considered it a waste of his talents.
Maybe I was wearing some wonky glasses at the time, or something, but I don't know what the hell happened to him.
|
|
|
Post by MAD TITAN on Dec 20, 2017 0:57:24 GMT -5
I remember Samuray Del Sol being awesome on the indies, and I expected him to be a big deal once he got signed. I was upset when they initially teamed him up with Sin Cara because I considered it a waste of his talents. Maybe I was wearing some wonky glasses at the time, or something, but I don't know what the hell happened to him. He can't cut a promo to save his life. Vince must've caught wind and completely gave up.
|
|
Xxcjb01xX [PIECE OF: SH-]
FANatic
Writer, Lover of all things Wrestling. Analytical, Critical, Lovable (hopefully). Lets all have fun!
Posts: 232,655
|
Post by Xxcjb01xX [PIECE OF: SH-] on Dec 20, 2017 1:13:06 GMT -5
On the one hand, f*** whoever hit Kalisto with a Water Bottle that shit ain't cool
On the other yes I laughed... a lot...
|
|
ayumidah
Wade Wilson
The ace-iest bi you'll ever meet
Posts: 25,504
Member is Online
|
Post by ayumidah on Dec 20, 2017 3:32:49 GMT -5
Back and to the left...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2017 7:01:39 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by "Evil Brood" Jackson Vanik on Dec 20, 2017 7:11:49 GMT -5
What an oversell.
|
|
|
Post by Stone Coke Miami Watson 🥃 on Dec 20, 2017 8:24:23 GMT -5
It's possible we can get Kalisto and Jason Jordan in a tag team (playas....holla holla) against Braun and Brock on RAW just so the both of them can be put out of their misery and get murked the f*** out.
I'd watch...
|
|
|
Post by MrElijah on Dec 20, 2017 8:31:00 GMT -5
Universe Admits To Wronging Area Wrestler His Entire Career
Following decades of allegations from the 31-year-old wrestler, the vast conglomeration of all matter and energy known as the universe admitted Tuesday that it was directly responsible for every single hardship in the life of Kalisto, and apologized for continually foiling him at every turn. The cosmos admits it could have given Kalisto good sports-entertainment skills but deliberately chose not to. “Kalisto has good reason to say the universe is conspiring against him, because, well, it is," said the cosmos, acknowledging that it has thwarted Kalisto’s hopes and dreams from the moment of his NXTsigning. "He may sound melodramatic when he goes on and on about the whole world having turned against him, but he's actually not that far off. The forces of time and nature genuinely want him to fail in the WWE, and fail hard.” "So, yes, his anger and frustration are totally understandable," the universe added. "Pointless and futile, but totally understandable."Sources close to Kalisto have long speculated that his failure to find success in championships, battle royals, and fanfare stemmed from his own poor decisions and lack of resolve, but the very source of all causality verified Tuesday that, just as Kalisto has always claimed, the blame for each misstep and unfortunate circumstance rests squarely on the cosmos's shoulders. Using the metaphysical concepts of blind chance and cosmic predetermination, as well as other powers beyond human comprehension, the universe claimed to have "done its best" to increase the earthly burden on Kalisto, carefully engineering everything from his difficulty on cutting a decent promo after the Draft, to his botched aerials to the time Braun Strowman threw him in the garbage to send a message to Roman Reigns. The Universe is going into business for itself!
|
|
|
Post by Alice Syndrome on Dec 20, 2017 8:46:00 GMT -5
I had to rewind that a few times because I wondered where the water bottle that either Kendrick or Gallagher apparently beaned him with came from, but people on reddit are saying it's just some fan being a douchebag, and security couldn't even find the asshole.
|
|
|
Post by This Player Hating Mothman on Dec 20, 2017 8:48:00 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Dec 20, 2017 9:44:39 GMT -5
f*** the fan that threw that but I'll be honest, I busted out laughing when I saw this. The poor guy really can't win.
|
|
|
Post by The Zombie Mod The on Dec 20, 2017 10:02:57 GMT -5
Back and to the left... maffew?
|
|
Allie Kitsune
Crow T. Robot
Always Feelin' Foxy.
Celestial Princess in Exile.
Posts: 45,788
|
Post by Allie Kitsune on Dec 20, 2017 10:05:46 GMT -5
f*** the fan that threw that but I'll be honest, I busted out laughing when I saw this. The poor guy really can't win. You have to wonder with WWE's goobers... Are they goobers because WWE books them as goobers? Or does WWE book them as goobers because they were goobers to begin with?
|
|
Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,076
|
Post by Spider2024 on Dec 20, 2017 10:12:52 GMT -5
Back and to the left... Nice match, pretty boy.
|
|
|
Post by EoE: Well There's Your Problem on Dec 20, 2017 10:17:51 GMT -5
f*** the fan that threw that but I'll be honest, I busted out laughing when I saw this. The poor guy really can't win. You have to wonder with WWE's goobers... Are they goobers because WWE books them as goobers? Or does WWE book them as goobers because they were goobers to begin with? Often the first, I find. Kalisto came in as a very highly-regarded high flier, with no known prior history of not being a great promo or being prone to botches or such, but he’s rarely been put in a position to showcase that.
|
|
|
Post by Stone Coke Miami Watson 🥃 on Dec 20, 2017 10:20:47 GMT -5
...people on reddit are saying it's just some fan being a douchebag Kalisto's parents and security couldn't even find the asshole. them. Fixed sista...
|
|