Post by Perfect Timing on Dec 28, 2017 4:01:58 GMT -5
Anyone else feel drained around this time of year? Whenever we see eachother it's a few times a year but they act like they don't want to be around me. I make effort, enjoy their company mostly but noticed they never actually talk and find out about me. I'm glad I don't have to see them often as they just get me down and make me feel it's my fault why they are so unfriendly.
Post by Long A, Short A on Dec 28, 2017 13:54:56 GMT -5
My family has been such and extra mess that I skip most family get togethers and I only hang around three people that don't live in my house. Reading your post was like talking to my brother because family has drained him really bad for the bulk of this year.
Post by Push Val Venis was wrong on Dec 28, 2017 14:25:22 GMT -5
I love my family. I just don't love the massive 4 day Friday Night-Monday Afternoon for the extended Christmas this year.
I'm thankful I lived close enough to go home for breaks. The way Christmas fell this year it really extended into "too much". I'm glad next year it's on Tuesday. The family will probably be Monday Night - already going home Tuesday. Much more reasonable for a large group of adults that the only thing they have in common is some DNA.
Post by Ultimo Gallos on Dec 28, 2017 14:40:34 GMT -5
What gets to me is the whole "We know this person is an asshole that if we weren't related to them we wouldn't ever talk to them. But they are family so we have to put up with them." crap.
Got a cousin on my mother's side. Been arrested 2 times for domestic assault. Has a now 12 year old son he hasn't seen since he was 7. And whenever anyone asks him about the son he will lie and say he is looking for him. And depending on who he is talking to he gives a different reason as to why he can't find him. Same cousin that claimed to love our grandpa,but didn't bother to ask for a day off from work to goto Grandpa's funeral.
3 years ago he made a comment that was basically saying he was a better father than I am. I was already in a bad mood and after hearing him say that my first thought was to ask him to step outside and beat his ass. But instead I just stood up "Ok look sorry but I am tired of all the crap. I am gone." and walked out of the house. My plan at the time was to walk home. Neverminding the fact that I was a 3 hour drive from home.
Since that Xmas I haven't spent the holidays with my family. Instead I go spend it with my girlfriend's family. Which is nice. Small gathering,maybe 8 people tops. No one yelling,no one trying to piss people off.
On Dad's side since Grandma passed we don't get together that much. Lots of it is cause Grandma wouldn't allow people to be assholes. And there is a few relatives that love seeing how far they can push someone before they get a reaction out of them.
I've been dealing with a lot, lately, that my family has been helping me through (Including my bf). I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I've only really recently had issue with a cousin, but it was a few months after my aunt's passing, so I can understand her emotions, though we were all mourning.
Post by Perfect Timing on Dec 28, 2017 21:39:20 GMT -5
Worst thing is instead of the arguments they just decide to ignore me and think I don't notice. I used to spend New Years Eve with them but then I just started working that night as they would sit around talking while I tried to have fun and make conversation and they would never bother with me.
I don’t have any family I am close with anymore outside of my immediate family. Hell, I see and hear from them less now that I am 900 miles away. I have grandparents close, but dementia and just being old as shit has made it where we don’t have a real “relationship”, just checking in and making sure they are good.
If it helps, you're far from alone. I love my immediate family and can be around them for ages, assuming certain subjects don't come up (my older brother, love him to death, has DRASTICALLY different political opinions than myself and my younger brother, (whom some of you know on here as Groose)). Once you go outside that, however, it becomes a war zone. On my mother's side I love most of them, my grandmother is loving and my grandfather has a history from before I was born but has been good to me and has made legitimate strides to be a better man even this late in life, and I admire him for that.
As far as my uncles go, I go from either feeling lukewarm about them to flat out hating them. Both of them on my father's side talk down to me often (one of them I don't think realizes they do it, the other is pretty heavy-handed with it though), and both of them on my mother's side are, for lack of a better term, a couple of ignorant drunks that think they know better while, in the process of proving it, show they don't know squat. I have two nieces and have made it a personal goal of mine for them to not see me the same way I see my uncles.
It doesn't help on my father's side, my grandmother has made it a point to blacklist certain people in my family for several reasons I won't get into here, and we don't think they've earned that treatment. That whole side of the family is toxic as far as I'm concerned, and I'll try to talk to them if they'll talk to me when I see them, but if I go through life never getting closer to them than I am now, I'll be just fine. In fact, we don't attend any family gatherings with that side anymore; not Christmas, not Thanksgiving, nothing. They'll often invite me, but I know I'm the ONLY one in my family being invited and to go would be to essentially throw myself to the wolves.
Point being, I don't think that's unusual at all. This time of year can absolutely be exhausting, especially if you have prior beef with family that you HAVE to interact with.
I get on well with my family generally, but spending extended periods of time with my older brother is draining. I've mentioned here before that he's a Dale Gribble style conspiracy nut, and he's also horrendously inappropriate. I can handle him in small doses, but after a full day I am done. It's like having your head plugged into the YouTube comments section.
Oh you are not alone. Having to deal with my family and their assorted dramas is draining as hell. I routinely make jokes about lopping limbs off the family tree. Worse, my brother has a bad habit of inviting his best friend to stuff, and he's one of those people you want to punch in the face if you're around him for more than five minutes.
Post by Natural Born Farmer on Dec 29, 2017 23:33:24 GMT -5
My family lives across the country, and I usually see them a couple times a year. We’re very different people so that works. Does get aggravating being asked what I’m doing for Thanksgiving/Christmas as any answer other than “being with my family” is met with “OMG, come over to our place!” invitations I don’t want to accept.
Post by Perfect Timing on Dec 30, 2017 0:20:32 GMT -5
When I was young they would keep their toxic behavior to themselves. Now I'm old it's like they look for the scapegoat. If they carried on how they were it wouldn't be as bad but I feel like I'm either ducking verbal barbs or being left out. You would think they would understand that although they havent seen it with their own eyes I have gone through a lot of changes in life and have grown up a bit. I still get spoken to like a kid and have Nephews and Nieces over 18 who either get spoken to the same or better than me. Every year these gatherings get tedious but what can you do.
Yep. Every holiday someone does something to change the plans around so we don't do what we were planning, or just plain old bicker the entire time. I'm always thankful when it's New Years because no one wants to do anything so I can just relax, watch DVDs and do stuff online.
I love my family, but it is physically exhausting being around them for an extended period of time.
"Oh, you still working at the same company?" Yes. "Still haven't found a good girl to settle down with?" No. "Why didn't you go to the church service this morning?" Work (a lot easier that explaining to them I find their religious rituals and ceremonies to be well, silly).
Rinse repeat every year and at nearly every function.