I’ve begun going to AA meetings

[Sephiroth]

Ending 2017 on this note. I’ve drank heavily for a long time. I’ve never been terminal to the point of getting “the shakes” or passing out. But I’ve had some close calls lately that made me realize I’m escalating. And over the course of the last year I tried several times to go st least a month without a drink and found I’d break down after only a couple of days. It’s gotten worse these last five mo this as I have been unemployed and have been drinking to fill the hours, and also to stave off the depression and discouragement. I know I can’t stop on my own, so I need help of some kind. I don’t know if this is the right course, but it’s a start at least. Thanks for listening happy new year.

[Larryhausen]

Congrats, man. My dad's been in AA for almost 20 years, and it's definitely been a godsend for him, especially with him having a total drunkard of a son.

More power to ya, my friend. Hope this helps you as much as it's helped my dad.

[lionheart21]

Best of luck to you

[Natural Born Farmer]

I got arrested at 19 and had to go to 30 meetings. Not going to lie, a lot of the people there struck me as deeply messed up and actually made me feel better about my own usage. Nevertheless there was a real air of community, and if I’d ever really planned on quitting I could absolutely see the value. Best of luck.

[Clash, Never a Meter Maid]

Happy new year, and I'm rooting for you!

[triplethreatmark]

Dec 31, 2017 20:41:14 GMT -5 Sephiroth said:

Ending 2017 on this note. I’ve drank heavily for a long time. I’ve never been terminal to the point of getting “the shakes” or passing out. But I’ve had some close calls lately that made me realize I’m escalating. And over the course of the last year I tried several times to go st least a month without a drink and found I’d break down after only a couple of days. It’s gotten worse these last five mo this as I have been unemployed and have been drinking to fill the hours, and also to stave off the depression and discouragement. I know I can’t stop on my own, so I need help of some kind. I don’t know if this is the right course, but it’s a start at least. Thanks for listening happy new year.

Hey man, thanks for creating this thread. I really mean that. I also just recently accepted that I was an alcoholic(like 'I need to crush 4 or 5 beers a night to "feel" normal and then kill myself on the weekends' kind of drunk). I mean, I was totally aware that I was/am one for years now; but just accepted it as drinking was fun and it helped me not feel like a worthless piece of shit(which is what I usually feel like. Did I mention that I've been suffering from severe depression and major anxiety issues half of my life?). It used to be just binge drinking on weekends; but then it got to the level I described above over the course of this year. It became less for fun over the years until it just became something I hated; but felt I needed to do.

As you can imagine, depression/axiety + not taking my meds + alcohol made for a very bad combination. Despite my best efforts to keep appearances up, my life was falling apart from the inside out. It got to the point where I would be paralyzed with depression and suicidal thoughts for hours; the only way, I could 'return to normal' was to try to crush a 6-pack until I passed out; whether or not I finished the 6 or not. As a matter of fact, I almost committed myself to suicide before I decided to try to get sober because not even the drinking could help dull me out anymore.

Anyways, I finally reached my breaking point about 7 weeks ago. I just couldn't stand living the way I was anymore. I (and I'm really embarrassed by it; but it's necessary for the story I'm telling) drove home one night from the top of a mountain...in the dark, at like 80 miles an hour and then drove myself like almost 30 miles home while I was fading in and out of consciousness. I still don't know how I made it in one piece or kill somebody that night. About three weeks later, I relapsed(after about 10 days sober)...drank about 7 beers, passed out and spilled beer while unconscious over my computer(promptly destroying it). Since then, I've really struggled; but have managed to stay sober for almost a month now. I can tell you that I'm already starting to feel a bit better(both physically and mentally), but I still have a long, loooong way to go. In this month, I've also started going to Hospital-sponsored recovery meetings and seeing therapists who specialize in addiction medicine(Shout-out to Kaiser Permanente).

So, yeah, I hope I haven't bored you; but the point of my sob story is this: I'm also going through this shitty; but necessary process myself. I can only hope that this helps reassure you that someone else out there is going through the same thing. If you need anything at all; be sure to PM me. Good luck!

[SmashTV]

Good luck, my friend. If you've had the courage to go to meetings, then you've got the strength to get through. Best of luck to you.

[Deleted]

I'm 13 and a half years dry. I didn't use AA but when I first quit I went to a similar independent group for help and coping mechanisms. The support network it gives with the sponsor system is invaluable. All the best for it my friend and you're welcome to lean on me with a PM at any point if you need it.

[Sephiroth]

Jan 1, 2018 3:33:59 GMT -5 triplethreatmark said:

Dec 31, 2017 20:41:14 GMT -5 Sephiroth said:

Ending 2017 on this note. I’ve drank heavily for a long time. I’ve never been terminal to the point of getting “the shakes” or passing out. But I’ve had some close calls lately that made me realize I’m escalating. And over the course of the last year I tried several times to go st least a month without a drink and found I’d break down after only a couple of days. It’s gotten worse these last five mo this as I have been unemployed and have been drinking to fill the hours, and also to stave off the depression and discouragement. I know I can’t stop on my own, so I need help of some kind. I don’t know if this is the right course, but it’s a start at least. Thanks for listening happy new year.

Hey man, thanks for creating this thread. I really mean that. I also just recently accepted that I was an alcoholic(like 'I need to crush 4 or 5 beers a night to "feel" normal and then kill myself on the weekends' kind of drunk). I mean, I was totally aware that I was/am one for years now; but just accepted it as drinking was fun and it helped me not feel like a worthless piece of shit(which is what I usually feel like. Did I mention that I've been suffering from severe depression and major anxiety issues half of my life?). It used to be just binge drinking on weekends; but then it got to the level I described above over the course of this year. It became less for fun over the years until it just became something I hated; but felt I needed to do.

As you can imagine, depression/axiety + not taking my meds + alcohol made for a very bad combination. Despite my best efforts to keep appearances up, my life was falling apart from the inside out. It got to the point where I would be paralyzed with depression and suicidal thoughts for hours; the only way, I could 'return to normal' was to try to crush a 6-pack until I passed out; whether or not I finished the 6 or not. As a matter of fact, I almost committed myself to suicide before I decided to try to get sober because not even the drinking could help dull me out anymore.

Anyways, I finally reached my breaking point about 7 weeks ago. I just couldn't stand living the way I was anymore. I (and I'm really embarrassed by it; but it's necessary for the story I'm telling) drove home one night from the top of a mountain...in the dark, at like 80 miles an hour and then drove myself like almost 30 miles home while I was fading in and out of consciousness. I still don't know how I made it in one piece or kill somebody that night. About three weeks later, I relapsed(after about 10 days sober)...drank about 7 beers, passed out and spilled beer while unconscious over my computer(promptly destroying it). Since then, I've really struggled; but have managed to stay sober for almost a month now. I can tell you that I'm already starting to feel a bit better(both physically and mentally), but I still have a long, loooong way to go. In this month, I've also started going to Hospital-sponsored recovery meetings and seeing therapists who specialize in addiction medicine(Shout-out to Kaiser Permanente).

So, yeah, I hope I haven't bored you; but the point of my sob story is this: I'm also going through this shitty; but necessary process myself. I can only hope that this helps reassure you that someone else out there is going through the same thing. If you need anything at all; be sure to PM me. Good luck!

Thanks for the support. This week has been hard because the temptation is still there-I want to drink. I suppose a big challenge is changing how I see alcohol to stop thinking of it as a pastime and start thinking of it as the devil on my shoulder. Lately I was downing a six pack, a bottle of wine, and small amounts of hard liquor almost every day. That’s part of what made me thu k I am escalating to a danger point; it’s been taking more and more to get me buzzed.

[OldDirtyBernie]

Good luck to you!
My dad is coming up on his 1 year anniversary of being sober and goes to a meeting every day.

When I was arrested I had to go to a few and they never did anything for me at all, so it's different for everyone, but keep at it and do what works for you!

[bob]

a friend of mine from high school ended up having to go AA out of state back to live with an aunt of his back then to get sober

best of luck

[edgestar]

Good luck to you, and anyone going through similar times.

[Sam Punk]

I wish you the best my friend!

[Powerline]

There's nothing wrong with trying to help yourself. And at least you recognized you have a problem and need help at this stage. Just going off people I know personally, there's people in MUCH deeper than you that don't seem to think for a second (I obviously can't jump into their heads) they have a problem.

All I can say is (and maybe I'm stating the obvious) with things like this, much like other self-improvement methods, is to be patient and have faith in the process. Not everything is going to be solved overnight or even over a month. And that's easy to say to yourself and easy to remember in meetings, but when things are down, after a long/shitty day, or you're in a situation where it's easily accessible, it becomes very hard to think about/believe in that progress. Don't be discouraged if you take a step back, don't be discouraged if you have a moment where you find the road too rough. There's no "instant fix". And even when you're clean, you don't just jump off. Take what you've learned with you, don't drop it once you're clean.

Best of luck to you! You got this!

[chazraps]

Dec 31, 2017 20:41:14 GMT -5 Sephiroth said:

Ending 2017 on this note. I’ve drank heavily for a long time. I’ve never been terminal to the point of getting “the shakes” or passing out. But I’ve had some close calls lately that made me realize I’m escalating. And over the course of the last year I tried several times to go st least a month without a drink and found I’d break down after only a couple of days. It’s gotten worse these last five mo this as I have been unemployed and have been drinking to fill the hours, and also to stave off the depression and discouragement. I know I can’t stop on my own, so I need help of some kind. I don’t know if this is the right course, but it’s a start at least. Thanks for listening happy new year.

Proud of you.

[Kevin Hamilton]

Good on ya for recognizing you needed help.

[Kyn]

Congratulations on realising you need help and seeking it - don't discount what a big step that is if/when you feel discouraged.
Do you have any hobbies or things you can do to distract yourself when the temptation to drink hits you? I have a friend who drinks daily who's trying to stop, who took up drawing. I've no idea if it would work for you, but the general idea is it's relatively inexpensive and focuses your brain on something other than wanting a drink. (And requires no artistic talent unless you're planning an art show.) Best of luck to you.

[Sephiroth]

Tomorrow will be difficult. Snow days like them were always spent drinking. I guess I will go with the lesser vice of video games.