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Post by angryfan on Dec 30, 2006 3:54:39 GMT -5
OK, to preface, I was at Movie Gallery the other day, and, having just done a min-marathon of MST3K, decided to try and find the worst movie I could. Well, that and I just love bad movies.
I was pointed to the $2.00 DVD shelf, and told to find a movie called "Frost: Portrait of a Vampire". I found it and, seeing that it was billed as starring Gary Busey, I couldn't resist.
Hell, bad movie + Busey = fun in my mind.
Tonight, I actually sat down to watch it, and it was, without a shadow of a doubt, the most mind-blowingly f***ed up movie that I have ever seen.
For one thing, Frost isn't a vampire, but rather a mercenary who, through circumstance rather than a personal quest, becomes a vampire killer.
Second, the "star" is Busey, who has, I'm guessing, 20 lines the entire film, and maybe five minutes of screen time.
Lastly, with the title, I was expecting bad horror. What I got was the first half as BAD action flick, complete with a combination of CGI and toy helicopters (yes, they used a toy on a string in one scene, and the string was visible) which blow up every few seconds.
the second half is the horror flick, but nothing is explained.
It's funny, I normally love movies like this, but it just made my brain hurt.
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Post by DSR's just doin' DSR things on Dec 30, 2006 4:10:59 GMT -5
I don't have anything to add about this, since I haven't seen "Frost." However, if you love bad movies, then you should seek out the works of Joe D'amato.
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Post by angryfan on Dec 30, 2006 4:20:27 GMT -5
I'm not surprised if no one's seen "Frost", as part of me deeply regrets doing so. I expected to laugh in the "so bad it's funny" sense, but, that didn't happen. No, instead I sat there for nearly two hours asking "what does that have do do with anything?".
I've seen bits and pieces of Damato's work, and that's what I was hoping for. Bad to the point of wonderfully stupid. The old movie Mitchell starring Jo Don Baker also falls in this category.
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Post by Jason Todd Grisham on Dec 30, 2006 4:22:23 GMT -5
Have you seen Robot Monster? I recommend that to all loves of bad movies.
"You are not HU-man! You are RO-man!"
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Post by DSR's just doin' DSR things on Dec 30, 2006 4:24:39 GMT -5
Have you seen Robot Monster? I recommend that to all loves of bad movies. "You are not HU-man! You are RO-man!" Roman? So, Italian, then? |
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Post by Jason Todd Grisham on Dec 30, 2006 4:28:04 GMT -5
RO-MAN!  |
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Post by angryfan on Dec 30, 2006 4:29:21 GMT -5
Have you seen Robot Monster? I recommend that to all loves of bad movies. "You are not HU-man! You are RO-man!" Roman? So, Italian, then? It all makes sense now. the movie includes, hopefully, special bonus features involving robots making pasta dishes, complete with metallic chef's hats and, for some reason, floating cheese wheels. |
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Post by Jason Todd Grisham on Dec 30, 2006 4:33:54 GMT -5
Actually judging by the picture it's an aged Roman Polanski under the full moon.
BAA-ZING!
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
Posts: 4,874
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Dec 30, 2006 4:34:20 GMT -5
Black Christmas remake - 'nuff said. This is the ONLY movie where I have ever actually physically left the theater before it was over.
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Post by DSR's just doin' DSR things on Dec 30, 2006 4:44:40 GMT -5
Black Christmas remake - 'nuff said. This is the ONLY movie where I have ever actually physically left the theater before it was over. I could tell by the trailer it was gonna be crap. I've said it before, but BC remake looks like a Sci-Fi Channel original movie. |
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Dec 30, 2006 6:54:53 GMT -5
Wow ! You shouldn' t be surprised by such tricks ! Being a bad movies lover myself, I know that it unfortunately happens veeeeery often ! Not to mention the times when the DVD in the box doesn' t display the movie it was supposed too.
But often, you don' t the credited casting, nor the movie the synopsis and/or the pictures on the box tell you...
Or, like it happened to you, the actor on which they build hype on the cover almost doesn' t appear.
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Post by Topher is Human on Dec 30, 2006 7:05:51 GMT -5
1 word
Faust
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Libertine
Unicron
Cerebral Caustic
Posts: 3,082 
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Post by Libertine on Dec 30, 2006 8:36:00 GMT -5
I have every Kevin Costner film available on DVD. Bad movies must be my forte.
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Post by THE Dinobot on Dec 30, 2006 8:49:47 GMT -5
I have every Kevin Costner film available on DVD. Bad movies must be my forte. Hey, don't don't be hatin' on Tin Cup now. |
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nisi
Vegeta
Da Bears
Posts: 9,868
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Post by nisi on Dec 30, 2006 10:54:23 GMT -5
I just bought Pinata: Survival Island on DVD, it's possibly the worst movie ever made, but I still sort of love it. A made-up college with way too much money has some kind of bizarre senior trip where the kids go to a tropical island and play goofy games and scavenger hunts while screwing like bunnies. The lovely Jaime Pressly ( My Name is Earl) and Nicholas Brendon (Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) are broken up but still have to go through the dopey games, while a stone idol about 2 feet tall comes to life and starts killing people. How a stone idol is considered a "pinata" is only the start of the greatness to this movie. You can tell that this flick was filmed fast--the actors frequently look confused and miss their marks, and Xander especially is a little chubby and pale to be an action hero. But when the pinata idol shoots fire at the end, it's all worth it.  |
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Post by Psy on Dec 30, 2006 11:39:37 GMT -5
Look for "Ninja vs. Ninja". Let me find the box so I can tell you what I was told about it when I bought it....
"An international cast is featured in this wacky Ninja saga, as an evil drug baron hires a Ninja sect to wipe out a cure for heroin addiction. It is up to a secret police agent who is also an undercover Ninja to fight the bad guys! Featuring Ninjas of all races and the legendary 'Five Elements' Ninja, NINJA VS. NINJA is a must-see for a Ninja and kung fu fans!"
Now let me break this down for you. By the way, SPOILERS AHOY. International cast? Already there's one strike. If this had anything but chinese people and like one black dude, I'll eat the box. Evil drug baron? Hiring Ninjas? I didn't get that out of the storyline at all. There are no 'Five Elements' ninjas in the movie either. Want to know how the movie goes down? It's like this:
Some movie studio makes a terrible movie about a retarded mobster's son who is also a pervert and bomb-maker. The story follows him and the cop assigned to hunt him down. Sound bad? IT IS. The story is incredibly stupid and also has in it some guy that wraps little charms around his body to become invulnerable. He gets thrown off a building in bright daylight, by the time he hits the ground it's night time and and all you hear is a "splat" and then someone throws some noodles in front of the screen. I think they're supposed to be brains. Anyway, the cop saves the day after his wife and kid are blown up. Somebody somewhere must have decided that this was quite possibly the worst movie ever made in Hong Kong, and that's saying something.... so they must have sat down and said to themselves.... "What could make this movie marketable?......I know! NINJAS!" So, contrary and unconnected to the plot of the movie, they have 3 minutes of ninjas fighting at the beginning with such stunning dialogue as "Give me the tape" and "You can not have the tape". Then, they run the actual movie. Once that ends, they go back to the ninjas fighting and recycle all the footage they showed at the beginning, but now the black/white ninja (he's the one black guy, in a white ninja gi) kills the other ninja and says, "I have the tape."
ROLL CREDITS.
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nisi
Vegeta
Da Bears
Posts: 9,868
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Post by nisi on Dec 30, 2006 11:50:27 GMT -5
Martial arts films are goldmines when it comes to bad movies. The following, which is variously titled King of the Kickboxers 2 and sometimes also has "American Kickboxer" in the title, is a bizarre re-working of the Karate Kid theme. Here the Ralph Macchio guy is already a champion, but loses the title when he is defeated in possibly the most humiliating way ever (opponent pants him so that he runs out of the ring in his tighty-whiteys). Then he goes overseas and becomes a monk (!) and returns to claim the title. The bulk of the movie is the guy shaving his head and living in the monastery with the lamas, it's like a National Geographic special with stock footage of karate matches thrown in. This movie feels like an Ed Wood movie--I think the hero shaves his head so that different actors can play him as a monk, he looks different from scene to scene and there are very few close-ups.  |
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Post by Rorschach on Dec 30, 2006 14:22:06 GMT -5
Let me direct you all to the wonderful, wonderful world of Scotty Foy, who searches high and low for the absolute WORST movies he can find: foywonder.livejournal.com/I dare ANY of you to find a worse film than CURSE OF HALLOWEEN! Quoth the Foywonder: "Do you want to know what the real Curse of Halloween is? You order the DVD from Amazon.com before Halloween and it remains on backorder until almost Christmas. Then you finally get the DVD and what you receive is a DVD-R with box art that appears to have been photocopied. The back of that DVD case states that the film is in widescreen, the special features on the disc, and is 90 minutes in length, but then you put the DVD in and discover that there are no extras - probably because it doesn't even have a menu - and that the film is most definitely not in widescreen and ultimately turns out to be only around an hour long." Read the review at www.dreadcentral.com/index.php?name=Reviews&req=showcontent&id=1248 |
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Post by Zombie Mod on Dec 30, 2006 15:00:04 GMT -5
I just bought Pinata: Survival Island on DVD, it's possibly the worst movie ever made, but I still sort of love it. A made-up college with way too much money has some kind of bizarre senior trip where the kids go to a tropical island and play goofy games and scavenger hunts while screwing like bunnies. The lovely Jaime Pressly ( My Name is Earl) and Nicholas Brendon (Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer) are broken up but still have to go through the dopey games, while a stone idol about 2 feet tall comes to life and starts killing people. How a stone idol is considered a "pinata" is only the start of the greatness to this movie. You can tell that this flick was filmed fast--the actors frequently look confused and miss their marks, and Xander especially is a little chubby and pale to be an action hero. But when the pinata idol shoots fire at the end, it's all worth it. crap i missed that on tv last night, its on the horror zone/channel in the uk at least once a week...... i'll have to give that a chance.... |
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Dec 30, 2006 15:17:21 GMT -5
Robo Vampire. Two bad movies in one! No, really. They took two completely unrelated flicks (one a Robo Cop rip off, the other a vampire kung fu movie) and slapped 'em together.
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