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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2018 21:26:49 GMT -5
I’m 25 and I’ve never been in a proper relationship. I’ve been on at least 10 Tinder dates and none of them have worked out for me.
Only one girl I’ve properly been interested in and the feeling wasn’t mutual and she’s now dating a guy twice her age after giving me the whole “I think it’s better if we’re just friends” talk. The problem with this is, I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. I genuinely thought she was the one and every girl I meet now is compared to her. It’s funny because I bet she doesn’t even think about me.
Tonight I was on a date with a girl I met from Tinder and it went HORRIBLE. She was completely the opposite personality wise. I am a reserved shy guy with serious social anxiety issues which explains why I hadn’t even kissed a girl until I was 22.... I won’t be shy about making a move but when it comes to dancing and shit? I’m hopeless. Unfortunately for me tonight, that’s all it came down to. We met in a club and I was EXPECTED to dance. I’m honestly terrible. It went horrible and I wouldn’t be surprised if she blocked me on everything.
The funny thing is... I’m not even a bad dancer when I’m alone. In public however? I crumble. It’s the absolute worse place for me to be in because I have serious anxiety issues.
To get myself out of looking like a complete dork, I pretended I was on drugs..... yeah. I actually purposely pretended I was high as a kite just so I wouldn’t look like an anxious mess.
I feel like I want to just curl into a ball and delete my entire existence. Is anyone else like me or am I just weird?
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Dec 13, 2018 21:49:01 GMT -5
Yeah ive had some success with online dating.
My tip is to go a safe place for the first dates. By safe I mean ones with zero room for embarrassment, not safe as in you won't get mugged. But that's probably a good tip too.
Like, i'm ridiculously clumsy. So I avoid restaurants with food that I could drop, spill, splatter on my shirt or get around my mouth
Non restaurant dates, I always avoided places with dancing, karaoke and things like that. Because of the risk of embarrassment.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2018 22:14:48 GMT -5
Met my gf on a dating site. Moved in together about two and a half years ago.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2018 22:18:55 GMT -5
Yeah ive had some success with online dating. My tip is to go a safe place for the first dates. By safe I mean ones with zero room for embarrassment, not safe as in you won't get mugged. But that's probably a good tip too. Like, i'm ridiculously clumsy. So I avoid restaurants with food that I could drop, spill, splatter on my shirt or get around my mouth Non restaurant dates, I always avoided places with dancing, karaoke and things like that. Because of the risk of embarrassment. lrobably a wise choice. The only thing is, I meet most of my “matches” in the local club. I feel like it takes pressure off me because if they’re not feeling me, they can just drift off to someone else. It less awkward that way. The problem is, when they ARE feeling me and I have to dance or something. I usually try putting the lips on them and avoiding it but tonight, it didn’t work. I just feel like I’m not made for this online dating stuff. I have charisma to an extent but the situations I end up in, make me feel worthless. |
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Post by Jumpin' Jesse Walsh on Dec 13, 2018 22:22:51 GMT -5
Are apps considered online dating now? Because Grindr and Scruff pretty much are my dating life.
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Powerline
ALF
I'm a pale imitator of a boy in the sky, with a cap on his head and a knot in his tie
Posts: 1,042
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Post by Powerline on Dec 13, 2018 22:40:27 GMT -5
I think it depends a lot on the kind of person you are. It works for some and isn't uncomfortable or awkward at all, for others it totally is. It's that way for me. I'm very much a "let's just hang out and communicate and if I feel anything I'll shoot my shot, otherwise we can be friends" kind of guy, and I've always felt on a dating site there's this cloud of "You're expected to eventually date. Nobody's here for "friendship", nobody's here for just small talk". And maybe that's on me for approaching it the wrong way, but that's how it's always felt for me. Can't deny it works for some and is everything they need and nothing they don't. Just not for me.
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Post by Stu on Dec 13, 2018 22:43:28 GMT -5
You find 30 people you like
You get responses from 15 of them
You talk/text with 7 of them
You meet three of them
You date one of them
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Post by Starshine on Dec 13, 2018 22:55:43 GMT -5
I’m 25 and I’ve never been in a proper relationship. I’ve been on at least 10 Tinder dates and none of them have worked out for me. Only one girl I’ve properly been interested in and the feeling wasn’t mutual and she’s now dating a guy twice her age after giving me the whole “I think it’s better if we’re just friends” talk. The problem with this is, I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. I genuinely thought she was the one and every girl I meet now is compared to her. It’s funny because I bet she doesn’t even think about me. Tonight I was on a date with a girl I met from Tinder and it went HORRIBLE. She was completely the opposite personality wise. I am a reserved shy guy with serious social anxiety issues which explains why I hadn’t even kissed a girl until I was 22.... I won’t be shy about making a move but when it comes to dancing and shit? I’m hopeless. Unfortunately for me tonight, that’s all it came down to. We met in a club and I was EXPECTED to dance. I’m honestly terrible. It went horrible and I wouldn’t be surprised if she blocked me on everything. The funny thing is... I’m not even a bad dancer when I’m alone. In public however? I crumble. It’s the absolute worse place for me to be in because I have serious anxiety issues. To get myself out of looking like a complete dork, I pretended I was on drugs..... yeah. I actually purposely pretended I was high as a kite just so I wouldn’t look like an anxious mess. I feel like I want to just curl into a ball and delete my entire existence. Is anyone else like me or am I just weird?You've basically summed up just about everyone who's ever lived. Once you come realise everyone else just is as f***ed up and insecure as you, communication becomes a lot easier. My advice is don't be afraid to make an ass of yourself, like going out dancing or whatever. People are generally more concerned with themselves than whatever you're doing. Focus on being personable and friendly. But if you're that concerned about your anxiety holding you back then openly make jokes about it. Joking about your insecurities is also a great way to bring them up, explain the position you feel you're in, while also not feeling bad about them. If you're brave enough to own them like that, people won't think you're a weak person, or trying to compensate for them. Like, if someone you're with suggests dancing shrug and say: "well I'm a terrible dancer, but for you, I'll give it a shot But you've been warned..." or something like that. Let them know you're making an exception for them, which will likely impress them further. Humiliation only affects you as far as you let it. It's not a quantifiable thing. If you're the sort of person who can be open about their own insecurities, you'll come off as much more confident than someone who hides them behind a facade. These are also the sort of things that can make you a more interesting person. You may not get results overnight, but it's the road to making you feel better about yourself in the long term. |
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Post by Limity (BLM) on Dec 13, 2018 23:33:00 GMT -5
I've had great success with online dating. I like that I can learn a lot about a woman, cut right to the core right off the bat and know if it's even worth saying hi.
Why not lean into the strengths of online dating, which is the ability to invest minimal time and effort on your part in learning how compatible you may be with someone? Slow down the whole going out with them until you've established their personality matches yours, and they understand or can accommodate your anxiety issues?
And maybe rethink the whole first date at a dance club when you're too anxious to dance in public.
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Post by Display Name on Dec 14, 2018 1:18:41 GMT -5
Tried it for the first time September 2017. Less than 24 hours later I completely hit it off with my now girlfriend. Been in the best relationship ever since.
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agent817
Fry's dog Seymour
Doesn't Know Whose Ring It Is
Posts: 21,149
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Post by agent817 on Dec 14, 2018 1:19:58 GMT -5
I met my last girlfriend to date through online dating. Of course, it didn't work out in the end, though we remain friends. I am still sort of trying.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2018 2:06:14 GMT -5
Yeah ive had some success with online dating. My tip is to go a safe place for the first dates. By safe I mean ones with zero room for embarrassment, not safe as in you won't get mugged. But that's probably a good tip too. Like, i'm ridiculously clumsy. So I avoid restaurants with food that I could drop, spill, splatter on my shirt or get around my mouth Non restaurant dates, I always avoided places with dancing, karaoke and things like that. Because of the risk of embarrassment. lrobably a wise choice. The only thing is, I meet most of my “matches” in the local club. I feel like it takes pressure off me because if they’re not feeling me, they can just drift off to someone else. It less awkward that way. The problem is, when they ARE feeling me and I have to dance or something. I usually try putting the lips on them and avoiding it but tonight, it didn’t work. I just feel like I’m not made for this online dating stuff. I have charisma to an extent but the situations I end up in, make me feel worthless. I understand that you want to give them an out in case it doesn't work - but I would suggest you still go somewhere where you feel comfortable and don't have to pretend to be intoxicated to be able to feel like yourself. You're shooting yourself in the foot from the get go. |
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Post by OldDirtyBernie on Dec 14, 2018 2:39:02 GMT -5
Met my wife online and we're married nearly 15 years. I'd only had one proper relationship beforehand as well and got the "friend" label from literally every other person I had wanted to date as well. Not saying it's great, plus we're "old" now, but it CAN work!
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Post by Cvslfc123 on Dec 14, 2018 4:19:31 GMT -5
I didn't find anything long term but I did have some interesting times with online dating. I started it when I was 23 in 2015, at that point I was a virgin who had never been in a relationship before so I learned a hell of a lot through doing it. I learned not to put women on a pedestal and they were just as insecure as I was. All the experience from it helped me massively when I met my current girlfriend a year and a half later in the "real world"
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Dec 14, 2018 5:46:12 GMT -5
I've had a bit, yes. it's pretty much my only option these days. Tinder gets a bad rap, honestly. when you match with someone you know they already at least find you attractive so it's a hell of an ice breaker. you just gotta be patient with it though, because unless you look like an adonis you're only going to get a match maybe every week or two, and it's a toss up if it goes anywhere. but patience pays off. there's definitely more women who'd be interested in you out there than you'd think.
I'm also going to echo that I think your issue may be in your approach. if you're afraid of dancing, don't take them to a dance club on the first date. start with something simple. coffee or dinner and maybe a nice walk or something. be out in public but not in a huge crowd. and definitely don't pretend to be drunk to cover up anxiety; most women I know would be way more turned off by a guy being drunk than a guy being anxious. doubly so if they know he's not actually drunk and just covering for something.
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Ultimo Gallos
Grimlock
Dreams SUCK!Nightmares live FOREVER!
Posts: 14,327 
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Post by Ultimo Gallos on Dec 14, 2018 6:06:20 GMT -5
Got a few friends that met their spouses using online dating sites.
One piece of advice is never give up. I was at my lowest point when I met the woman I have been with for 11 years now. I had lost my career. Had a mental breakdown. And figured I had nothing to offer. Then this Angel saw thru all of that and starting flirting with me. 7 weeks later we had our first date. I was open with her on that date. Letting her know I didn't want anymore kids,I have 2 sons, and would rather not get married,been married and divorced 2 times now. Plus it helps that she is in the medical field so understands my various issues.
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Derk!
Hank Scorpio
Yeah, "looks like."
Posts: 5,066
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Post by Derk! on Dec 14, 2018 8:31:16 GMT -5
Closest success I've had is getting a woman's number and getting ghosted shortly after. Oddly enough, she messaged me first and I basically had a blank profile with no profile pic.
On the flipside, I can have a fully filled out profile and several pics and not get a single message/response(on the rare occasion I have enough guts to actually send a message).
I'm shy as hell with zero confidence. This wouldnt be so bad if I were young, but at 35, it's just sad.
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Dec 14, 2018 9:45:24 GMT -5
Met my current fiancee on a dating site, so yeah I would say it works.
Arrange to meet somewhere you can talk and be comfortable. (coffee shop, bar, pub etc ...)
Don't give up, and send out plenty of messages that are unique to the women you are interested in, don't copy and paste.
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Post by realist on Dec 14, 2018 10:16:26 GMT -5
The beauty of online dating is that it eliminates the guest work in a lot of ways. For example, if you go to a bar to meet a woman, you look at her and think she's cute. Then you start talking and realize you have nothing in common. You have wasted time getting to know someone that you have no interest in knowing. With online dating, you see a cute profile pic, read the profile and decide if this is someone that you would like to get to know further or not.
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Post by MC Blowfish on Dec 14, 2018 10:23:22 GMT -5
I met my wife on a dating site. It did take awhile to meet her. I was on the site for a few months and I didn't get far at all. A few dates, and some messages was all that I had to show for it. It just takes patience to get through it.
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