Book the Weirdest RAW Ever

[Bang Bang Bart]

Tired of declining ratings and fan interest, WWE has decided to turn to you, of all people, to book one night of Monday Night RAW. For this one Monday night, you have the control over everything that goes on... but there's a catch.

Vince McMahon wants you to book the weirdest f***ing episode of RAW in recorded human history. You get to make it as weird and off-the-wall as you want it to be. It's in your hands.

What do you do, booker man?

To get the ball rolling, my weird RAW would be a Freaky Friday episode, where everyone switches gimmicks and they work their matches in their switched gimmicks. The announcers also switch gimmicks and the referees are in charge, while Stephanie & Baron are referees.

[Hypnosis]

Dec 13, 2018 21:28:19 GMT -5 Bang Bang Bart said:

To get the ball rolling, my weird RAW would be a Freaky Friday episode, where everyone switches gimmicks and they work their matches in their switched gimmicks. The announcers also switch gimmicks and the referees are in charge, while Stephanie & Baron are referees.

You mean like this?

[DragonMasterP]

Just gonna leave this here....

(Yeah, I know it's from a few years ago, it still fits.)

[bob]

we finally get The Angry Pumpkin vs Sister Abigal match we were promised

[Hypnosis]

As for my suggestion: Raw Deletion, but make it an improvement over Total Nonstop Deletion (Tag Team Apocalypto aside).

[Deleted]

Machine Gun Kelly plays UNO with Konnor

[Nikki Heyman]

Posted elsewhere:

Seth Rollins sends Corbin to the hospital. He tells Drake to bring Cruiserweights, Calls Regal to send NXT people, book it Laff-a-Lympics style. Doesn't matter which show "Wins", because the fans will in the end.

No McMahons at all. 

Or maybe an updated version of my "Cyber Monday" Raw I wrote a while back: 

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}

The Three hour "Cyber Monday" Raw opens with someone typing away at a computer....

Show opens with Lawler holding a stack of printouts (complete with spool tracks) of the matche s for the evening's show. He says the computer's been taking suggestions all day and he needed someone to help him compile it all. So the show begins:

-Evan Bourne gets a non-title win on Jack Swagger with the Air Bourne thanks to random interference from JTG

-Kofi Kingston over R-Truth in a Bragging Rights-style match. No belts on the line

-William Regal escorts NXT winner Wade Barrett to the ring and spends a few minutes praising him. Once he has Barrett's guard down, Kozlov storms out to attack. Santino tries to stop Kozlov but he refuses. Kozlov loses to Barrett, and Santino berates Regal for "using" a friend like that. Regal dresses down Santino and the two argue through a commerical. Jericho finally comes out and complains that Regal is taking credit for Barrett's success when it's axiomatic that only a pro like Jericho can make stars like Barrett. Santino backs off and Regal and Jericho have a 10-minute match IN THEIR SUITS.

-The newly signed (by Bret Hart himself) Daniel Bryan arrives to a hero's welcome. Cole complains as Bryan thanks everyone for their support, and offers an experiment to the crowd. Bryan welcomes back, for ONE MATCH ONLY, Good ol' JR. Before Cole can protest, Bryan tells Cole just to flip a switch on his headset and call the match, reacting only to King. Bret sends out Tyson Kidd and the two put on a 15 minute clinic. We hear JR and King, then Bryan asks that Cole's audio be played over a few minutes of the match on the big screen. The match gets booed. The same sequence is played with JR's audio. The match gets cheered. Proving his point, Bryan strides to the back, satisfied.

-Shad Gaspard strides to the ring looking for a challenge. Shaemus blindsides them, and we get a power match that ends with a pump kick to Shad.

-Chris Masters is the special guest referee for a divas battle royale. He stops the match ealy so he can shred his ref shirt and pec flex. The girls chase him out of the ring and the real refs show up. LayCool win the match (of course)

-Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins run into each other backstage. Vance Archer watches them brawl.

-The SES angers the Big Show by suggesting the Straight Edge Lifestyle would help him lose weight. Kane crashes the handicap match, turning it into a tag match won by the two giants. Luke Gallows is forced to carry his savior to the back.

-Lawler announces a "Dream" match sent in by millions of fans - Ted Sr, Ted Jr & Virgil v. Dusty Rhodes, Goldust and cody Rhodes. The DiBiases win when Virgil slips Cody a very thick envelope on the floor, setting up more reinforcement of Cody as a heel.

-Edge brags about getting rid of Orton and made the Fatal Four-way for the WWE championship a triple threat. Cena comes out to correct Edge, and tells him someone with the credentials slid right into that spot. CUE MOTORHEAD! HHH clobbers Edge, celebrates in the ring, then faces off with Cena as we fade to black.

We fade back up to the keyboard, where HBK finishes typing and hits "Send". He grins impishly to the camera and walks out.

[Push R Truth]

Everybody comes out wearing a new hat

[OVO 40 hunched over like he 80]

We already had it when Eugene was the guest gm. Ric Flair proved why he’s god during the musical chairs segment.

[Rican]

Vince comes out at the start of the show with the entire roster standing at the top of the stage. He announces he is tired of running the WWE and is retiring to pursue his life long dream of break dancing. The first match of the night will be an intergender battle royal featuring the entire roster to determine the new owner of the WWE. The battle royal lasts for half an hour, ultimately won by Alicia Fox, who was hiding under the ring and eliminates a celebrating Miz who thought he won.

During the battle royal, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins eliminate each other and continue brawling all the way to the back, eventually leaving the arena still fighting. The camera follows them through downtown Seattle (RAW is in Seattle this week).

Back in the arena, Alicia books her first match: a buried alive match between Rusev and Kalisto. Rusev and Kalisto are both confused and don't really want to bury the other one since they have no real prior history or bad blood, but while they're arguing Tye Dillinger knocks them both out with a shovel and buries them both. Alicia proclaims Tye the winner and new European champion.

Back from commercial, Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Renee Young are shilling some WWE charity fluff piece when Graves interrupts Cole with a confession, because he can't live a lie anymore: he has actually been Jimmy Wang Yang in disguise this whole time. An obvious, badly filmed cut scene of Graves unzipping his face to reveal Jimmy Wang Yang happens. A confident Yang leaves the announce table without saying anything else while a confused Cole and Renee don't say anything else during the entire next match.

In the next match, AoP has an open challenge to defend the tag titles. The open challenge is answered by Carlito and D'lo Brown, neither of whom have been seen in years and have no prior history. Halfway through the match D'lo is replaced by Super Crazy, who the announcers continue to pretend is D'lo. Alicia Fox comes out to proclaim the match a triple threat and adds The Revival, who now have an Amish gimmick. The Revival wins in less than 30 seconds.

In Seattle's famous Pike Place Fish Market, Rollins and Ambrose continue their epic battle. There is a two minute scene of them just taking turns slapping each other with fish while Jamie Knoble cheers them on.

Back in the arena, backstage Bayley confesses her love to Elias and proposes. A gleeful Elias accepts and quickly calls his best friend Sgt. Slaughter and asks him to be his best man.

Up next, the cruiserweight title is on the line between R-Truth and Konnor from The Ascension. Everyone is confused, especially Buddy Murphy, who is shown complaining to Alicia in her throne room. Alicia has Buddy arrested. R-Truth wins the cruiserweight title and immediately is kidnapped by Bray Wyatt, Byron Saxton and Dana Brooke. This is never mentioned again.

On top of the Seattle Space Needle, Rollins and Ambrose's epic war has reached its conclusion. Ambrose throws Rollins off the top of the Space Needle, and is walking away when Rollins flys back to the top. Rollins now has wings and laser vision, and vaporizes Ambrose.

Ronda Rousey defends her women's title in a gauntlet match against every woman on the roster. She wins her first three matches before losing to Liv Morgan. The match continues with multiple title changes and is won by The Miz's mom, who rolls up Alicia for the win.

Bayley and Elias's wedding is up next. Sasha is the maid of honor but walks away with no explanation halfway through and assaults Michael Cole. The Godfather interrupts as is tradition in WWE weddings. Slaughter eventually stops the ceremony and announces that Elias and Bayley are actually siblings and can't get married. Elias marries Ruby Riot instead, prompting an intergender tag match against Bayley and Balor. Bayley and Balor win and are crowned the new SmackDown tag champs.

In the main event, Daniel Bryan defends the WWE title against a name Alicia drew out of a hat: Heath Slater. Slater wins after interference from Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. 3MB celebrates with the WWE title as Rollins flies back into the arena and stares them down from the rafters.

[MrElijah]

-Dr. Nash as GM
-Booker T & Stevie Ray on commentary
-Lucha House Party vs. The Authors of Pain in a Tennessee Chain/Taipei Death Match. Lince Dorado is barred from ringside
-Bayley declares her love for Sasha....and Finn! Sasha takes em both, she's hardcore.
-Cole is backstage flipping Burgers. He calls them Vintage Steamed Hams.
-Iron Sheik is given a live mic for....2 mins.
-A dice game is played between Slater, Corbin, Drew and Jinder. Heath wins his wrestling job back, everybody's money and Corbin's expensive ass watch, he is deemed King of Clicky-Clack.
-HHH and Tyson Kidd debate: Puro or Southern Style?
-Finn, Bayley and Sasha are shown backstage but with Finn in bodage gear. Renee is interviewing the three, when Seth barges in and cuts a profanity laced promo on Ambrose and he's jumped by Lince Dorado, who blames Seth on the failure of the Lucha House Party.
-Buddy Murphy defends the CW Title against......TAJIRI! It's an awesome match.
-Titus Worldwide is back together! Dana, Akira and Apollo are friends but Crews decrees he's the Sun God reborn and the others just go along with it.

-A battered Kalisto tells Nash and the WWE fans that Lucha will destroy everyone and Lince will be Intercontinental Champion.
-Finn, in bondage gear and a leash, decrees he'll be a champion again. Sasha, who also has Bayley in a leash, tells them it's not Boss Time but Bitch Time and the WWE will be their bitches. Bayley then puts a ball gag in Sasha's mouth. Funaki is perplexed.....yet, aroused.
-Cole's burgers came out pretty good. Ambrose says they're the best and gets major heel heat.
-Gable & Roode take on some jobbers until Bray jumps in with a 2X4 and beats them up.
-Lince vs. Seth for the IC Belt is an excellent match til Lince uses a fireball that somehow blinds him. Seth then gets the win.
-The Riott Squad drags out an battered Tamina and sacrifice her to the Aztec Gods. Vampiro is revealed to be their master.

[Gus Richlen Was Wrong]

Vince comes out, declares Brock Lesnar is fired and will never be allowed back, then organizes a one night tournament to determine who will be the new Universal Champion. The belt is won by Finn Balor and there are brief interviews backstage and only one or two in-ring promos to further non-tournament feuds.

Going by the standards of RAW now, that would be weird enough.

[Macho Pichu]

On the PPV the night before, The New Day is shown laying unconscious backstage, obviously having been victims of a beatdown by some mysterious assailant. Everyone online has been speculating all day as to who it is and how their feud will play out. Because they're on the Smackdown roster, nobody will expect what the follow up is.

The show begins with Charlotte giving a fairly standard promo. She's interrupted by Natalya and Tamina and the three of them bicker about how famous their fathers were and how they're sick of being compared to them. Its revealed that this trio were responsible for the New Day beatdown and they did so to steal the secret of time travel. They reveal. The cardboard box that was used in the famous segment, and use it to travel back 30 years to try and challenge their fathers to a 6-person, intergender tag match. Things go awry and now everyone on the roster has suddenly transformed into gimmicks from that era. These women literally become their fathers, and play their gimmicks exactly for the remainder of the episode. At the end, the time machine is fixed by the power of music when Elias, who is dressed as Honky Tonk man, plays a killer solo on his guitar.

[FHgrad99]

Dec 14, 2018 10:34:26 GMT -5 Rican said:

Vince comes out at the start of the show with the entire roster standing at the top of the stage. He announces he is tired of running the WWE and is retiring to pursue his life long dream of break dancing. The first match of the night will be an intergender battle royal featuring the entire roster to determine the new owner of the WWE. The battle royal lasts for half an hour, ultimately won by Alicia Fox, who was hiding under the ring and eliminates a celebrating Miz who thought he won.

During the battle royal, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins eliminate each other and continue brawling all the way to the back, eventually leaving the arena still fighting. The camera follows them through downtown Seattle (RAW is in Seattle this week).

Back in the arena, Alicia books her first match: a buried alive match between Rusev and Kalisto. Rusev and Kalisto are both confused and don't really want to bury the other one since they have no real prior history or bad blood, but while they're arguing Tye Dillinger knocks them both out with a shovel and buries them both. Alicia proclaims Tye the winner and new European champion.

Back from commercial, Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Renee Young are shilling some WWE charity fluff piece when Graves interrupts Cole with a confession, because he can't live a lie anymore: he has actually been Jimmy Wang Yang in disguise this whole time. An obvious, badly filmed cut scene of Graves unzipping his face to reveal Jimmy Wang Yang happens. A confident Yang leaves the announce table without saying anything else while a confused Cole and Renee don't say anything else during the entire next match.

In the next match, AoP has an open challenge to defend the tag titles. The open challenge is answered by Carlito and D'lo Brown, neither of whom have been seen in years and have no prior history. Halfway through the match D'lo is replaced by Super Crazy, who the announcers continue to pretend is D'lo. Alicia Fox comes out to proclaim the match a triple threat and adds The Revival, who now have an Amish gimmick. The Revival wins in less than 30 seconds.

In Seattle's famous Pike Place Fish Market, Rollins and Ambrose continue their epic battle. There is a two minute scene of them just taking turns slapping each other with fish while Jamie Knoble cheers them on.

Back in the arena, backstage Bayley confesses her love to Elias and proposes. A gleeful Elias accepts and quickly calls his best friend Sgt. Slaughter and asks him to be his best man.

Up next, the cruiserweight title is on the line between R-Truth and Konnor from The Ascension. Everyone is confused, especially Buddy Murphy, who is shown complaining to Alicia in her throne room. Alicia has Buddy arrested. R-Truth wins the cruiserweight title and immediately is kidnapped by Bray Wyatt, Byron Saxton and Dana Brooke. This is never mentioned again.

On top of the Seattle Space Needle, Rollins and Ambrose's epic war has reached its conclusion. Ambrose throws Rollins off the top of the Space Needle, and is walking away when Rollins flys back to the top. Rollins now has wings and laser vision, and vaporizes Ambrose.

Ronda Rousey defends her women's title in a gauntlet match against every woman on the roster. She wins her first three matches before losing to Liv Morgan. The match continues with multiple title changes and is won by The Miz's mom, who rolls up Alicia for the win.

Bayley and Elias's wedding is up next. Sasha is the maid of honor but walks away with no explanation halfway through and assaults Michael Cole. The Godfather interrupts as is tradition in WWE weddings. Slaughter eventually stops the ceremony and announces that Elias and Bayley are actually siblings and can't get married. Elias marries Ruby Riot instead, prompting an intergender tag match against Bayley and Balor. Bayley and Balor win and are crowned the new SmackDown tag champs.

In the main event, Daniel Bryan defends the WWE title against a name Alicia drew out of a hat: Heath Slater. Slater wins after interference from Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre. 3MB celebrates with the WWE title as Rollins flies back into the arena and stares them down from the rafters.

[cuppacoffee - slight return]

[cold open. Black and white. Tracking shot of Triple H walking through a deserted backstage area in corporate suit and Skull King mask. No sound. We zoom in slowly on his face. Triple H is played by Ian McKellan. He parts the thick, dusty, velvet curtains from Gorilla into the arena. The crowd are the animated crowd from the Accalim video game WWF Attitude. They, too, are silent. McKellan / Triple H walks to the ring, engages in his usual muscle-flexing and water-spitting pageantry, in eerie silence. The spat-out water cascades onto his face. Tight close-up of saliva-water trickling down his wrinkled cheek like tears.]

TRIPLE H: My mother... Gone... The darkness near absolute... To think, children once played here. Children...

[his voice cracks and his lips shake, holding back a sob of agony]

TRIPLE H: Are you ready?

[Two Stephanie McMahons, one played by Stephanie McMahon, the other by Vince McMahon, rush out and wrap the Skull King in a blanket. They lead him off, as he stares around, his eyes wide but sightless.]

[Cut to - Good Ol’ JR, sitting at a bus stop. Broad daylight. Bright technicolour. Sounds of traffic make it hard to hear him. He has to shout]

GOOD OL’ J.R.: Howdy, folks. Our opening contest will be a figurative “Slobber-knocker” if you will...

[Good Ol’ J.R. Mimes the inverted commas around “Slobber-knocker,” and leaves a pronounced pause between the two parts of the word.]

GOOD OL’ J.R.: Isn’t that right, The King?

THE KING [v.o, distant]: Tits!

[Good Ol’ J.R. spits in the dirt, bites his thumbnail pensively. Waits...]

[Cut to the ring. Barbed wire is wrapped around the ropes. Already in the ring, Bobby Lashley stands, wearing a novelty cooking apron with the image of a lady in lingerie on it, giving the impression - to an idiot - that Lashley himself is a slender, caucasian burlesque dancer. Tight close-up of Lashley’s face]

BOBBY [sotto voce]: I know I am naked beneath this apron. The fact that you are watching me like this makes me frightened and uncomfortable.

THE KING [v.o., distant]: Tits!

[Michelle Obama walks to the ring, dressed as a surgeon. She walks with dignity and confidence. She enters the ring and attempts to comfort Bobby Lashley, trying her best to sooth his fears and hide his nakedness from us. This goes on, in silence, for thirty seven minutes. At random intervals, an overdubbed recording of the crowd countdown and buzzer from the Royal Rumble is played, but nobody else enters the ring.]

[cut to Good Ol’ J.R. at the bus stop. He pulls away his face to reveal the face of Vince McMahon]

J.R. / VINCE: Es war ich die ganze Zeit.

[FIN]

[schizo]

Eugene is brought back as Raw GM. Every match is replaced with musical chairs

[anglarite]

Dec 13, 2018 21:41:03 GMT -5 DragonMasterP said:

Just gonna leave this here....

(Yeah, I know it's from a few years ago, it still fits.)

....So who was the father?

[northernmonkey]

Remake part 8 of Twin Peaks: The Return with every character played by Mike Kanelis

[thegame415]

Incredibly Strange Wrestling vs WWE.

[TWERKIN' MAGGLE]

Teddy Long and Eric Bischoff kiss for three hours.