My Neighbors are all Idiots

[J. Hova]

A little background, I live in suburbia.  Actually, I live in rural suburbia.  My housing addition is in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by cornfields and has a couple of hundred houses.  You can drive for 3 minutes and be somewhere to get something (gas station, pizza place, etc.).  It is very middle class and definitely one of those places that you could leave your doors unlocked if you wanted to and probably be fine.  It also doesn't hurt matters that most people around here are gun owners.

Anyway, during this pandemic I've come to the realization that I'm almost surrounded by idiots.  I present (for consideration of the midnight society) the following:

In back of me, I have the lawn Nazi.  This guy mows his nondescript, generic yard every three days in the summer.  If he isn't mowing, he's aerating, rolling, fertilizing, or just randomly walking around his yard.  I swear to Christ one day I'll see him out there cutting it by hand with a pair of safety scissors.  The most annoying thing about him is that if I am out in my backyard doing something like spraying my walkway for weeds or painting my shed, he's out there in under five minutes to make sure I don't lose all control and start weedeating his yard I guess.

In back and to the right of me, I have the dysfunctional couple.  I fully expect at some point in my life to need to talk to the police over a murder suicide happening over there.  They fight THAT bad.  What is nice is that they just got a puppy to go a long with their aging dog and they feel the need to start barking around dawn most mornings.

To the right of me, I have the hot tub idiots.  They put in a hot tub on their deck last fall.  The problem is that they didn't reinforce their deck prior to doing this.  They finally did a couple of months ago when they realized the deck shouldn't be making the noises it was.

To the right and in front of me, the husband has a plow truck that is two wheel drive and his driveway is on an incline.  Couple that with the fact that he has no idea what he is doing when he is plowing his driveway and it is one of my guilty pleasures in life to watch him get stuck in the winter.  A couple of weeks ago I also watched him almost blow himself up while grilling.  I'm actually thinking about turning one of my security cameras away from my house and aiming it at his so I can keep a closer eye and maybe make some money on a live stream.

Directly across the street is fine and we will occasionally talk about the idiocy of the neighbors.

To the left of me was an elderly couple but the husband died a few months ago.  They are nice enough people and would sometimes enlist me to help with their computer issues.  I was more than happy to help with them as they have a pretty decent garden and they'd run some fresh vegetables over to me on the regular for my services since I wouldn't take a dime from them.  The problem with them is their middle aged son.  He lives off and on with them and the little I've talked to him, he's not all there.  I don't know if he lives in a home when he's not with them but I don't think he's to that level of not being there.  What is aggravating me right now is that he 'trimmed' a tree that borders on their property and mine.  He absolutely has butchered it.  He damn near took out the power lines and the decorative fence in their yard.  He started yesterday and has yet to clean up any of it.  Most of the limbs are just laying haphazardly half in my yard half in theirs.  I went out there tonight to look at the 'job' he had done and I swear I could have done a better job drunk, blindfolded, and with a hatchet.  I was hoping that one of them would come out and say that it would be cleaned up tomorrow, but to no avail.  I have this funny feeling I'll be out there cleaning it up tomorrow night.


Am I the only one with neighbors like this?  I can't be the only one, right? 

[Deleted]

I wouldn't call my neighbors idiots...just inconsiderate. Loud and messy.

I'm looking to move soon, though. I'm hoping for a better draw at the new place.

[Ultimo Gallos]

I live 10 minutes outside a small rural town. On a lake with maybe 30 families tops living on the lake. And most of my neighbors are 65 or older retired folk.

Got two neighbors across the slue to my east. One set live south of Houma LA,and come up here a few times a month. They are both retired lab techs. And are quiet. Plus they usually bring me lots of fresh citrus fruits from their places south of Houma.

The other neighbors to the east are younger,guessing 30s. Have two LOUD kids. Currently they are tearing down their old dock and building a new one. They are ok ,once they learned that sound travels over the lake and since it is mostly older folk out here ya can't play music outside very loud if it is after 10pm. If ya do you will start getting calls to "turn that garbage down"

To my west is two neighbors. The closest to my property is up here maybe 2 times a year. And has cut his grass in over 2 years. Decent guy,but wish he would at least let Homer come cut his yard. Homer is the local lawn guy.

The other neighbor on the west is an old retired dude that works in his garden all day. Then dtinks beer and plays his Xbox all evening. Quiet dude that keeps to himself.

So nah my neighbors are decent.

[Jaws the Shark]

I live in suburban England, and my current neighbours are fine. On one side is a family with two kids who make kid noise, on the other is a large Portuguese South African family who make Portuguese noise, that is to say they think nothing of having loud arguments in Portuguese and listening to terrible Portuguese music. But they're friendly and they take our mail sometimes, so I don't mind.

Before the former family, however, was this middle-aged couple. The woman was very strange and liked writing letters of complaint to the local authorities about pretty much all the neighbours over various perceived misdeamenours, and the man was a bully who I'm told used to drink heavily. He didn't like me at all after he came to our door threatening to kill our pets one morning and I reported him to the police, and possibly because I'm younger, taller, and have more hair. There's a small river/stream that runs close to our houses so we get rats close by occasionally, and this guy was absolutely convinced that we were solely to blame, even though quite a lot of them were clearly living under his decking.

One morning I came downstairs and saw him hanging over the fence with his phone camera, and when I asked him what he was doing he started ranting about how many rats he'd seen going between the two properties. I told him that pest control was coming that afternoon to take a look (they were), to which he complained that they weren't doing a good job, and tried to call my bluff by telling me to send them to him, to which I said "Alright, I will." He gave me a volley of abuse and disappeared. Anyway, I sent pest control over to him and from that day on he didn't even look at me ever again. He did, however, have to pull all his decking up a week or two later, and he managed to find the time and means to deliberately spray all of our windows with varnish when he varnished the fence. It's a high fence and he wasn't a tall man so he would've had to make quite an effort to do that, which means we really got under his skin.

They moved out last summer, and I'm not a vindictive person but I like to think that I played my part in their moving out of the street. Anyway, that's my funny neighbour story.

[ayumidah]

Neighbor to the left of us, and the people across the street and down a couple houses are elderly and seem ok for the most part. Then the house to the right of us have taken to mowing randomly at 7 AM, and we've heard the woman screaming at their children at different times.

Neighbors across the street are known addicts, and at one point a couple years back, their dryer caught fire while my mother was visiting the wife. The wife divorced him and he's since moved his daughter, some guy, and a new girlfriend in there. There are a lot of police and ambulance activity over there sometimes, I guess there's been a few ODs over there the last couple of years.

A house down the street has a confederate flag attached to the side of their house and other signs I've made sure to not look too closely at.

Other than that, I don't really pay much attention to the other neighbors.

[Deleted]

Everyone is insane. It's just getting to you more because you're home all the time now.

[Long A, Short A]

Woo Chiley, let's get crackin'

First of all we've been the over the top neighbors. We were taking care of our grandmother when we moved to this street and taking care of her was a 24/7 for three adults. Some of our nicer neighbors wrangled her when she got the better of us.

When we moved to the other side of the stree, my mom descided to act a fool. She loved to entertain the neighborhood yahoos and she ever boarded them for awhile. My brother and I were pissed because we paid all the bills. Two of those people was a smaller than small time crimonals and his friendly child bride. They use to have shooting matches every Wednesday. STSM also had shooting matches with my mom when they were drunk.

[Cyno]

I have decent neighbors in one direction and assholes in the other.

[The Ichi]

My neighbours are okay, aside from one having the worlds most annoying laugh.

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Mine are fine. The ones to right spend most of their time on their doorstep smoking pot. Their little girl lets me me know about the neighborhood goings on. I probably talk to her the most of any neighbors. She loves to chit chat.

[Rave]

Other than the snide bastard up the road, the majority of my neighbors are fairly decent sorts.

The idiots are my brother and nephew next door. My brother's always got some stupid idea in his head, usually involving buying some kind of fairly expensive plants. Most of the time they either never make it to the planting stage or they do and he doesn't bother with them afterward as he's already moved on to the next dumb idea.

My nephew...well, he's a special kind of idiot. I think I managed to piss him off earlier, because he was weedwhacking a few hours ago. Keep in mind that "a few hours ago" was around 9 PM. It was dark. He was prob'ly high, and has a history of nearly maiming himself with sharp objects. I was just waiting to hear him scream that he'd taken off his foot or something like that.

Jul 14, 2020 20:40:07 GMT -5 J. Hova said:

What is aggravating me right now is that he 'trimmed' a tree that borders on their property and mine.  He absolutely has butchered it.  He damn near took out the power lines and the decorative fence in their yard.  He started yesterday and has yet to clean up any of it.  Most of the limbs are just laying haphazardly half in my yard half in theirs.  I went out there tonight to look at the 'job' he had done and I swear I could have done a better job drunk, blindfolded, and with a hatchet.  I was hoping that one of them would come out and say that it would be cleaned up tomorrow, but to no avail.  I have this funny feeling I'll be out there cleaning it up tomorrow night.

Have you ever googled tree law? It's an incredibly fascinating read. Depending on where the tree trunk is, he could potentially get into quite a bit of legal trouble over doing that.

[J. Hova]

Jul 15, 2020 22:36:06 GMT -5 Rave said:

Other than the snide bastard up the road, the majority of my neighbors are fairly decent sorts.

The idiots are my brother and nephew next door. My brother's always got some stupid idea in his head, usually involving buying some kind of fairly expensive plants. Most of the time they either never make it to the planting stage or they do and he doesn't bother with them afterward as he's already moved on to the next dumb idea.

My nephew...well, he's a special kind of idiot. I think I managed to piss him off earlier, because he was weedwhacking a few hours ago. Keep in mind that "a few hours ago" was around 9 PM. It was dark. He was prob'ly high, and has a history of nearly maiming himself with sharp objects. I was just waiting to hear him scream that he'd taken off his foot or something like that.

Jul 14, 2020 20:40:07 GMT -5 J. Hova said:

What is aggravating me right now is that he 'trimmed' a tree that borders on their property and mine.  He absolutely has butchered it.  He damn near took out the power lines and the decorative fence in their yard.  He started yesterday and has yet to clean up any of it.  Most of the limbs are just laying haphazardly half in my yard half in theirs.  I went out there tonight to look at the 'job' he had done and I swear I could have done a better job drunk, blindfolded, and with a hatchet.  I was hoping that one of them would come out and say that it would be cleaned up tomorrow, but to no avail.  I have this funny feeling I'll be out there cleaning it up tomorrow night.

Have you ever googled tree law? It's an incredibly fascinating read. Depending on where the tree trunk is, he could potentially get into quite a bit of legal trouble over doing that.

It literally is about 50/50 across the property line.  Side note my best friend and I took care of it tonight as dufus next door thinks trimming a tree is just cutting branches and where ever they fall is good enough.  He ended up coming outside when we were about 95% done half thanking us half saying he didn't know we were out here doing it.  I don't even know what I said to him but it was something along the lines of "Yeah, that whole chainsaw noise can be misleading."  I probably could have been nicer, but something about the 90 degree heat, 85% humidity, and sweat running down the crack of my ass at the time kept me from proper manners.