Bullying shapes you

[cuppacoffee - slight return]

I was thinking just today about a boy who mocked me during rugby practice for having breasts, aged 15 or so.

By way of confession / showing off: I was thinking that I can’t now remember his name, only that he was short, blond, bug-eyed and entitled, but I can remember him asking me in the changing rooms, “Why are you even in the rugby squad, Stew? Is is because you’re so fat?” All his friends laughed.

We left the red-brick changing room that day with all his rugby twat friends laughing.

There was some violence I wish I wasn’t proud of.

(I am, though. Sorry.)

I kicked him in the dick so hard, the noise he made sounded like someone taking the piss out of a person kicked in the dick, or, maybe, a kettle boiling over.

The rugby coach took his side, naturally, and insisted I spent the next year turning up to the rugby training sessions, even though I was never going to get into the 1st team, where this guy was allowed to go “palm me off” (I.e., open-handed strike me in the face) each time I was told to go near him, and cheered on for doing so.

PE teachers are mostly scum, by the way.

Nothing I have seen in two decades of teaching has convinced me otherwise. Even the oldest, most baffled English teacher knows they might still write a half-good novel before they retire. Even the youngest, healthiest PE teacher knows he’s doing this job because he wasn’t good enough to actually do a sport for a living.

This guy was doubly so.

He was also the teacher who looked down at me while I was on the bench press machine in circuit training and said, loud enough for my classmate to hear, “Oh, Stewart, I see you have your ears pierced. You don’t think that’s rather effeminate, do you?”

Now, in my early 40s, and still proudly an awkward, socially useless nerd and a genderqueer odd boy, whenever I’m working out or running further then I have before, I dream of meeting up with the shitty c***s I played rugby with as a teen or the shittier c***s who “taught” me and comparing notes on what we’ve “accomplished” in the last three decades.

When you’re 18 km into a run you want to be at least 21km, the memory of these shitty bastards gives you fuel. For that, if nothing else, I thank them.

Makes me think about Henry Rollins.
“They never knew, they never do, it was always up to you
You gotta go out and get it for yourself
You never were one of them, they could have never been your friends
The best revenge is to always survive yourself”

[zrowsdower]

All I know is that I hate the people who bullied me. Some of them acted like they had this justified reason for doing so. It was just a bunch of assbackwards bullshit.

[Sponsored by Groose Wipes]

I thought about something like this today. I tend to not trust people at first and if you're a stranger to me, I won't do any favors for you or give you handouts. I'll admit I don't give homeless people money because I've put my trust in so many people in life and thanks to bullying and other events, I've been burnt so many times by giving the benefit of the doubt.

Remember, you don't owe anything to anyone you don't know.

[fw91]

Dec 26, 2020 21:05:12 GMT -5 zrowsdower said:

All I know is that I hate the people who bullied me. Some of them acted like they had this justified reason for doing so. It was just a bunch of assbackwards bullshit.

Can relate, and what pisses me off, without getting to controversial, they are the first people to post on social media about how good of a person they are relative to current events and climate. Like shut up, I don't buy it.

[Jaws the Shark]

Something about sport turns people into raging twats. I endured a bit of it from a kid who was good at football, and I wasn't so I was fair game. It wasn't as bad as some people experienced, but it definitely f***ed with my head both as a child and as an adult. I was angry at him for a long time (and I still am a bit) but when I thought about it I realised that he was probably far more insecure than he ever let on, because he seemingly had it all - his parents were wealthy, he was pretty academic, he was the headmaster's golden boy and the first pick for the football, cricket and athletics teams, he was even an apprentice footballer at Chelsea - and yet he still felt he had to prove something by picking on me, and show his mates he was better than me, because he could be quite friendly when we were alone.

My brother got it worse than me, and at the same school was beaten up every day by several boys who again, were the star football players. When my parents went to complain to him about the bullying and told the headmaster who it was, his response was "Oh no, I don't think so." This man took it upon himself to coach all the sports teams and fawned over all the best athletes - he had about eleven favourites in every year group, who usually comprised the football and cricket first XIs - while ignoring anyone else, and he didn't care how badly his star sportspeople behaved and how much he had allowed and encouraged it. I will still never forgive him for the contempt with which he treated me that had a negative effect on my whole education, and for ruining something I really liked doing, but I also now see what a sad and pathetic man he was, living vicariously through children playing sport and feeding off second-hand glory and the adulation of their pushy parents, while being a grown man incapable of being able to handle losing a game of football.

So I'm still angry at them both, in particular my old headmaster. But while I'm not a winner and my life is far from perfect, neither is theirs, no matter how much it may have sometimes seemed that way. Whether or not they realise it, none of the people who treat us in this way are winners.

[koreycaskets]

I remember in high school myself and my crew were bullies to bullies. Not saying it was the proper thing to do but it backed a lot of jock assholes off certain people.

I know the whole running joke on metal heads is they are nerdy geeks but we all worked out and some of us played sports so we were not the stereotypical Headbanger kids.

[Big BosskMan]

OK, I'll go. Geek/nerd my whole life with good grades but not top-of-class grades. Marching band and AFJRTOTC in high school so I was definitely pulling the ladies between the ROTC uni on Wednesdays and the band uni on Friday/Saturdays.

One thing I've noticed is that, in my small hometown, my graduating class was the first to really get the hell out of there. Fall football games would always see the prior class townies show up but in my class, it seemed as if once we walked in June, everyone went their own way.

I've actually moved back to my hometown with my family and will sometimes see people I went to school with around. Now with everyone wearing masks, I am more incognito.

I do remember my class salutatorian, who went on a tirade during the commencement in her remarks that alleged racism and that she was actually the highest-ranked student by GPA, working a temp job in the mailroom of the company I work at.

I have no real desire to reconnect with anyone I went to school with, due primarily to how I was treated. If any bully stepped to me today, it would be a much different experience for them as I've spent almost 20 years in martial arts/combat sports. But I keep to myself and do not seek trouble.

I am blessed to have a wonderful family and a job that pays well.

As Ron Swanson says: "Greatness: The best revenge."

[ronin705]

I cant say i totally agree qith this, cuz for every one that overcame, theres the many who've succumbed to the results of the bullying. I guess im saying theres the potential for more adverse effects pf bullying.

[Limity (BLM)]

This thread reminds me of my favorite scene from the US version of Shameless. Frank Gallagher is explaining to kids that his son has been bullying, that being bullied is like getting inoculated. He goes on to say that those kids are better for being bullied, and will go on to great things, while his son will probably end up in jail, getting chlamydia from his cell mate.

"Spoken with love, son."

[Dr. T is an alien]

I am glad that my sons knew that I passed on my Bethlem’s Myopathy to them growing up. It didn’t completely spare them of bullies but it significantly cut it down. After all, even the lowest bully tries to avoid picking on the disabled kid in front of other people. Having an identifiable disability spared them much of the abuse I went through.

[Nr1Humanoid]

The lack of consequences for bullies in schools across the world is bullying's biggest problem.

[Deleted]

f*** all that "bullying will make you strong" nonsense.

I didn't need to be strong, I needed to be safe. And I wasn't. And it f***ed me up for a long time.

The fact that I managed to, after years of pain, get past it and develop into a well rounded person means I'm strong in spite of it. Not because of it.

[Toilet Paper Roll]

I wasn’t a bully but I remember being a dick to some people while growing up, it bothers me today. I’m hoping people who were actual bullies feel the same way today

[edgestar]

You were both bullies, to each other. I've been bullied, but usually just reported it.

[chrom]

Nothing wrong with being bullied. Everyone needs to be ostracized and bullied by others and deal with name calling and physical assaults while others stand by and do nothing and watch and if you stand up for yourself you get labeled as a troublemaker while the others get off scot free

[Malcolm]

Dec 28, 2020 5:22:37 GMT -5 @phoenixtrigger said:

f*** all that "bullying will make you strong" nonsense.

I didn't need to be strong, I needed to be safe. And I wasn't. And it f***ed me up for a long time.

The fact that I managed to, after years of pain, get past it and develop into a well rounded person means I'm strong in spite of it. Not because of it.

And even then, I didn't get out completely unscathed.

Kids I used to think were my friends, betrayed me on a dime to join the bullies and be "cool". I still have trouble opening up to people out of fear of betrayal, thinking they're "fake friends" hanging out with me because they feel sorry for me or something. I'm getting better but I still have my mental shields up most of the time.

[ronin705]

Dec 28, 2020 12:26:32 GMT -5 chrom said:

Nothing wrong with being bullied. Everyone needs to be ostracized and bullied by others and deal with name calling and physical assaults while others stand by and do nothing and watch and if you stand up for yourself you get labeled as a troublemaker while the others get off scot free

I cant tell if this is sarcasm or a sad statement on thr current cultures inaction towards bullying, and is worrying in either case