WWE vs. FAN - an EWR Diary

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It's clear that WWE is as dull as it's ever been. Between rematches of rematches, misery booking, and general tone-deafness, it's not a fun viewing experience. However, the live threads are always a blast. So what if we brought that energy to the shows?

Prepare for a WWE with:

- injured holes and anal bleeding
- piss jokes
- the biggest idiots ever
- WARGAMES
- f***ing Ryker
- and more!!!

Plus, meet the newest member of the commentary teams, CC.

(Coming soon!!!!)

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June 8th, 2021

The press release was a lot of legal mumbo jumbo, but the gist of it was that the Freakin' Awesome Network Forum (FAN Forums) had somehow pooled their collective resources to purchase WWE. Long known as the biggest critics of the wrestling company, it would now be the task of the FAN posters to put their money where their mouths were as they attempted to right the sinking ship. The most recent batch of released wrestlers would also be welcome to return, if they wanted to. But now, their fate was in the hands of the internet "smarks" who thought they knew better. So what did the people of FAN have in mind? A look at the live threads for Raw and Smackdown would give an... Interesting vision of things to come:

"Anal bleeding!!"

"WARGAMES!!"

"The Fiend returns with a jetpack!!"

"Bianca Belair doing the potty dance!!"

"ITS TONI TIME!!" (Also, cake?? For some reason??)

"Randy has amazing thighs!!"

We could go on, but you get the point. So what will a FAN-run WWE look like? Join us on July 1st to find out!"

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I'm loading up the new game now. I can tell you one thing I've done is eliminated NXT UK from the schedule. Three shows a week is already too many imo, four is ridiculous.

Speaking of too many things being ridiculous, there are NINETEEN f***ing titles! Needless to say, that's getting rectified as we go along.

Now, let's look at our roster. The people released last Wednesday are still on the roster here, so we'll just pretend that didn't even happen.

I am NOT listing this roster as it is. I looked through it and I am SO CONFUSED!!! My biggest question so far: Where the f*** is Roman Reigns?? You know, the Universal Champion?? ...He's unassigned. So is Seth. So are Dolph, Rey, Sami and Shinsuke. ...let's just say most of Smackdown's roster is unassigned.

OK, you know what?? WE'RE STARTING WITH A DRAFT!!!!

I'm going to make the July 2nd and July 5th Raw and Smackdowns Draft specials, where the new rosters will be announced. This will take a bit of time, but it's a necessary evil.

As for NXT, the July 6th episode is going to be a special episode, NXT: Great American Bash, where we end NXT-UK and it's Championships forever!!! No but really, it's not even a brand in the game, everything is under NXT. So there will be title unification matches to streamline some of the belts.

The Women's Tag Team division is going to be handled at... Extreme Rules, is apparently our first show, on July 25. I'm keeping all the in-game PPV names and dates, since they all seem to be on Sundays.

So, HOPEFULLY, the first episode of FAN-WWE will be up tonight!!

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FAN-WWE has come to terms on the releases of: Joe Coffey, Jordan Devlin, Mark Coffey, Rinku, Saurav, Sid Scala, Velveteen Dream and Wolfgang.

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Friday Night Smackdown – The 2021 Draft, Night One – July 2nd, 2021
Michael Cole welcomes us to Friday Night Smackdown, on Fox, brought to us by KFC! Tonight, in addition to the first evening of the WWE Draft, we have the first round of the inaugural Pat Patterson Cup! The winner will go on to challenge for the Intercontinental Championship at Extreme Rules!

Adam Pearce and William Regal come out to make their initial picks in the draft. Three rounds are covered, with Raw taking nine picks, Smackdown six picks.

Raw
Randy Orton
The Fiend Bray Wyatt
Alexa Bliss
Charlotte Flair
Raw Women’s Champion Rhea Ripley
John Morrison and The Miz w/ Maryse
Sheamus
Braun Strowman
United States Champion Riddle

Smackdown
Universal Champion Roman Reigns w/ Paul Heyman
Shinsuke Nakamura
Intercontinental Champion Apollo Crews w/ Commandor Azeez
The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods)
Big E
Bayley

In the first round of the Pat Patterson Cup, Shinsuke Nakamura defeated King Corbin.

After the commercial break, Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman come to the ring, flanked by The Usos. Roman says that he’s not trusting Adam Pearce in the draft, so he’s taken it upon himself to have The Usos, as well as Naomi, placed on the Smackdown roster. Reigns then talks about the landscape changing on Smackdown and says that, because things are so volatile, he has taken the liberty of going to Stephanie McMahon and getting a Tag Team Championship match made for tonight, when The Usos, The Mysterios and The Dirty Dawgs will meet in a Triple Threat for the Smackdown Tag Team Championship!

Bayley spends the duration of a five minute promo laughing derangedly.

In another Pat Patterson Cup Match, Dolph Ziggler defeats Rey Mysterio, with an assist from Robert Roode. After the match, Dominick Mysterio rescues his dad, as both teams look ahead to the main event…

The New Day come out and cut a promo, talking about how great it is to be back together on Smackdown!

In a Six Man Tag Team Match, The New Day defeated Apollo Crews and The Alpha Academy, when Kofi pinned Gable.

In a Pat Patterson Cup Opening Round Match, Kevin Owens defeated Sami Zayn.

In the final Pat Patterson Cup Match, Seth Rollins defeated Cesaro, after hitting Cesaro with one of his boots.

William Regal and Adam Pearce return to make their final picks of the night, with three rounds taking place:

Raw
Sasha Banks
Jaxson Ryker
The Viking Raiders
Cedric Alexander
Elias
Damien Priest
Lucha House Party
WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions Natalya and Tamina
RETRIBUTION

Smackdown
Kevin Owens
Alpha Academy
Drew Gulak
Nia Jax w/ Reginald
Mustafa Ali
The Riott Squad

Finally, it’s Main Event Time! In a Triple Threat Match, The Usos defeated The Mysterios and The Dirty Dawgs to win the Smackdown Tag Team Championship.

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Monday Night Raw – Night Two of the 2021 WWE Draft – July 5th, 2021
We are welcomed to Raw by Byron Saxton and Corey Graves, who hype the final night of the WWE Draft. On Smackdown, we saw some big picks, but we still more than half the roster to go and they will learn their fates tonight!

Bobby Lashley comes out to the ring with MVP and his entourage of ladies. MVP says that Lashley can defeat any Smackdown Superstar, and he is issuing a (non-title) open challenge for tonight! It’s at this point that William Regal and Adam Pearce come out to make their first picks of the night:

Raw
WWE Champion Bobby Lashley w/ MVP

Smackdown
Drew McIntyre

Immediately, Drew McIntyre comes out to challenge Lashley. MVP and Lashley try to talk their way out of it, but MVP did say “any Smackdown Superstar”. Drew will see him later tonight. The remaining picks for the first round are:

Raw
King Corbin
Daniel Bryan!

Smackdown
The Mysterios

Tonight’s opening match is a United States Championship match, as Riddle defends against Akira Tozawa. Riddle retains, but is attacked after the match by Jaxson Ryker.

The next three rounds of the Draft are next:

Raw
Raw Tag Team Champions AJ Styles and Omos
Sami Zayn
Jeff Hardy
Shayna Baszler
Aleister Black
Carmella
Mansoor
R-Truth
Lana

Smackdown
Smackdown Women’s Champion Bianca Belair
Cesaro
Seth Rollins
Becky Lynch
The Dirty Dawgs
The Street Profits

Ricochet and Humberto Carrillo defeated RETRIBUTION after Slapjack screwed up and cost his former partners. RETRIBUTION got revenge by hitting a Double Chokeslam on Slapjack.

The Miz (and John Morrison) host Rhea Ripley and Charlotte on MizTV. After some tense questions and answers, the two women come to blows. During the break, the set is cleared and The Viking Raiders join the four in the ring for a six person tag team match!

Charlotte Flair and Miz and Morrison defeated Rhea Ripley and The Viking Raiders, when Charlotte pinned Ripley.

Randy Orton defeated Cedric Alexander

Adam Pearce and William Regal come out to make the final picks of the Draft:

Raw
Angel Garza
Nikki Cross
Ricochet
Murphy
Dana Brooke
Humberto Carrillo
Titus O’Neil
Jinder Mahal
Eva Marie

Smackdown
Keith Lee
Mandy Rose
Sonya Deville
Akira Tozawa
Bo Dallas
Reckoning

Bobby Lashley defeated Drew McIntyre in a non-title match.

Alexa Bliss says that next week, she is inviting Shayna Baszler to her playground, for a “fun little game”…

Braun Strowman defeated AJ Styles by disqualification when Omos interfered. After the match, Braun went full locomotive on both men to end the show...

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FYI, starting with NXT: Great American Bash, the shows will start to look more like what I envisioned for this. In otherwords, the yuk-yuks are forthcoming.