City Duck
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 14:23:56 GMT -5
So I'm going thru some things rn. May need to give my knee a bit of a lift. I'm like half an hour in. This movie isn't great.
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Post by darbus alan on Nov 29, 2023 14:31:00 GMT -5
Why are you punishing yourself in such a way?
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City Duck
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 14:38:00 GMT -5
So Will Smith just shot the other cops for their ork racism and stole the magic wand. They're trying to go home but a gang of magic enjoying cholo dudes won't let them.
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City Duck
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 14:40:45 GMT -5
The things that Will Smith is having to say in this movie. Sweet lord.
"Go ahead and pull your gun. I will f*** you up in a gun fight." WHAT
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City Duck
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 14:47:24 GMT -5
So the wand is like "a nuclear weapon that grants wishes" so the cops and the gangsters both want it even tho I can't stress this enough they literally said if a non-Bright human touches the wand they'll f***ing explode
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 14:49:07 GMT -5
OKAY SO NOW A HUMAN TOUCHES IT AND INSTANTLY EXPLODES. WHAT THE f*** WAS JUSTIN LONG THEN? WAS HE THE BRIGHT? HE'S DEAD SO NOW SO IT DOESN'T RLY MATTER BUT WTF.
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City Duck
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 14:59:56 GMT -5
HOW DOES EVERYONE KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THE WAND TO WANT IT BUT NOT ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT IT'LL EXPLODE THEM ON CONTACT MAX LANDIS I THOUGHT THIS WAS YR STAR WARS
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City Duck
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:10:28 GMT -5
GOOD GUY COP SHOWS UP AND CALLS THE FEDS CAUSE IT'S THE THING TO DO BUT THE FEDS ARE ELVES YOU SEE SO HE KNOWS NOT WHAT HE'S DONE
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:14:35 GMT -5
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:23:43 GMT -5
So friendly elf lady is sick now and the mission is to save her now? They've still got the wand and everything but Will Smith still wants to go to the feds? Even though he already saw that the feds are the elves?
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UN PLOMBIER NIGHTMARE #blm
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Post by UN PLOMBIER NIGHTMARE #blm on Nov 29, 2023 15:23:50 GMT -5
i have a hard time believing this movie is the best one of us on here could do
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:28:36 GMT -5
The kung fu fed elves have arrived for battle and one of them already got blown up by Will Smith making a f***ing SWIPE LEFT joke. The kung fu elves are all dead now but there's some shit with a tree to take care of. Lets GO.
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:31:47 GMT -5
OH NO HE COOL BLONDE KUNG FU ELF SURVIVED AND TEASED A KISS WITH THE ELF UNDERWATER
"I am a warrior. A priestess. A lover. Whatever the Dark Lord wants me to be." MAAAX
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:35:44 GMT -5
Now the elves are moaning something to eachother about WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR SISTER or some shit so I guess that's a lore dump. Cool kung fu elf villain is telling Will he'll explode if he touches the wand just to make it a lil less subtle that Will Smith is the human Bright. He grabbed it and is fine cause guess what idiot. Lil Wingardium Leviosa and the building explodes but the magic elf tree pool is still there but the elves are gone and Will Smith is screaming for Tika (I literally just learned this is the friendly elf's name) even tho they've had like no friendly interactions. Orc Cop is going thru a burning building trying to save something or someone.
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:37:46 GMT -5
The orc gangsters came back and slit their hands to let Orc Cop know that he is Blooded which is like somewhere between getting jumped in and a Bar Mitzvah it's a whole f***ing thing
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City Duck
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 15:48:53 GMT -5
The movie ends on Will Smith & Orc Cop giving their deposition to the head of the fed elves (who was literally trying to kill them for the wand this whole movie) and everything's cool and they get awarded medals and friendly elf Tika wanders thru the crowd like hey I gotchu and Will is like hehe and the inspirational wooaoOWOAOOAAWH music hits then a wacky screaming fairy goes BLAHHH and that's the end of the movie. We did it.
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Post by Chiral on Nov 29, 2023 15:51:00 GMT -5
from the mind behind "Buhby: He duminade?"
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Post by BayleyTiffyCodyCenaJudyHopps on Nov 29, 2023 16:08:02 GMT -5
Why are the Orcs Latino? Just, why?
Now I love a good neo noir, but Ayer though he was making a profound social statement with this. The main problem is (aside from Will Smith playing a character that Mike Lowry would want to punch in the face and demand to be paired back up with Marcus again) that you can do either a coded or uncoded allegory if the characters are well written and the world makes sense.
Like with Beastars, that’s an uncoded animal society and it’s a fun coming of age teen story, except the teen is a wolf. Judy and Nick overcoming their personal and unconscious biases in Zootopia was such a hit because that’s relatable to anybody, even though they’re coded as “bunny” and “fox” without representing an *exact* group. The X-Men is an uncoded social metaphor as every race around the world has the mutant gene, but we like watching them save the world and fight for equality and Wolverine calling everyone “bub”. Even with allegories that *are* directly coded, like how Aggretsuko’s animal characters are clearly Japanese, that was a hit because everyone can like and relate to Retsuko hating her job and wanting to do more.
With Bright, it’s this combo of insanely uncomfortable metaphors and gangster goblins, Will trying to be edgy and failing, and being barely able to see anything despite the title and a magical artifact that comes out of nowhere that I’m left wondering what Ayer was smoking. He’s like the Ralph Bakshi of crime stories, just throwing out whatever. This was like a live action Cool World with less boobs.
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Post by City Duck on Nov 29, 2023 16:16:49 GMT -5
Anyway here's the exact moment I knew I was in hell
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Post by Lizuka #BLM on Nov 29, 2023 17:05:34 GMT -5
Can we talk about the fact that Shrek exists in this continuity and the wealth of implications that brings to the universe. If nothing else this is like if in the real world in 2001 there were an animated kids' movie about a guy who is a reclusive loner because he's not white, a woman is hiding the shameful secret that she is also sometimes not white, and ultimately she has to choose to stay that way to be with him because they can't possibly be an interracial couple.
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