Is it harder to find friends when you're older?

[wildojinx]

Is it easier to find friends when you're younger than when you're older? I had a decent amount of friends in my child and teen years, but it seems harder to find friends as an adult (I do have friends I see once a year, but aside from that, they live out of the way so I cant hang out with them outside that area).

[WatchersDigitalNetwork]

I think so. I’m in my mid 30s and since my 20s I may have made 1 friend and it’s not super frequent cause we don’t work together anymore and live a big distance apart.

Though as I age I also desire these things less and less. I’m not sure I want to make friends much these days anyway.

[mcmahonfan85]

you make friends with people you have things in common with. when you're a kid, what's the biggest thing you've got in common with your friends: you're around the same age and usually either live in the same neighborhood or go to the same school. when you're an adult, you have to find people you actually have things in common with instead of just "we happen to live close to each other"

[tirtefaa]

Typically yes. A lot of this comes down to priorities, and as people get older, you typically see people who are in a relationship, are married or have kids, you have less time to dedicate to building new associations with people. And typically if you do, it's going to be with people who are either in a relationship, married or have kids.

Now that isn't always the case, and there's plenty of people out there in their 30's, 40's, 50's and so forth who don't fit into this category, but you'll see them in more niche circles due to their interests.

[schma]

It is much harder to make/keep friends as you get older. Even the friends I try to actively stay in touch with, some of them I only see a couple times a year if I'm lucky. Less if they have kids. If you work an offshift like I do that makes it even tougher. But yeah it gets way harder as you get older.

[Futureraven: Beelzebruv]

I find it tends to come in waves more than anything.

I'll take up a new hobby, meet loads of people

People changing at work, again meeting them, then through those friends meeting their friends.

Honestly, a few failed dates have become good friends.

It can be harder to have the time to keep in ouch, but there's a fair few ways to meet people.

[Ultimo Gallos]

Yea,and depending on where and whate field you work in it it can be hard.|

Pretty much all my friends I have met since moving back to MS I met through either the local indie wrestling shows. Or been introduced to them by people I met at the shows.

Then a handful I met cause they are friends with my GF.

[HMARK Center]

The decline of social spaces in towns around America (and elsewhere, to be fair) is also a big contributor, here.

Union halls, organizations, even stuff as simple as local bowling league, most of that stuff's largely down the tubes, so you really do have to go out of your way to engage in an activity you're passionate about and use that as a way to meet and speak with new people.

[An Dog On An Skateboard]

Jul 19, 2024 14:10:01 GMT -5 HMARK Center said:

The decline of social spaces in towns around America (and elsewhere, to be fair) is also a big contributor, here.

Union halls, organizations, even stuff as simple as local bowling league, most of that stuff's largely down the tubes, so you really do have to go out of your way to engage in an activity you're passionate about and use that as a way to meet and speak with new people.

Absolutely this.

I think sometimes about how my parents formed their platonic relationships as adults. The closest friend my dad has ever had was someone who was a neighbour of his, and who drank in the same pub, but can people still do that? Young adults can't afford to move out of their parents' homes, if they can then they can't afford to buy a home so they're always moving around as their rents go up and they don't get to put down any kinds of roots. And what you said about meeting places is absolutely right, a lot of them don't exist anymore, that pub I mentioned (which is the pub seen in the David Bowie short film Jazzin' for Blue Jean) is now an expensive gastropub serving sourdough toast for £6 to wankers with too much money.

I think as well as money, a lot of people just don't have the time anymore. Things like recreational sports are on the decline because people are so busy working or whatever; I'd love to get back to playing cricket, but it's quite difficult when I work as many weekends as I do, and that will be the same for anyone else in the service industries. 

It's no wonder people are so depressed now, we're a lonely bunch, and it isn't really our fault.

[Vice honcho room temperature]

All my friends I met through bar trivia.

[HMARK Center]

Jul 19, 2024 14:48:45 GMT -5 An Dog On An Skateboard said:

Jul 19, 2024 14:10:01 GMT -5 HMARK Center said:

The decline of social spaces in towns around America (and elsewhere, to be fair) is also a big contributor, here.

Union halls, organizations, even stuff as simple as local bowling league, most of that stuff's largely down the tubes, so you really do have to go out of your way to engage in an activity you're passionate about and use that as a way to meet and speak with new people.

Absolutely this.

I think sometimes about how my parents formed their platonic relationships as adults. The closest friend my dad has ever had was someone who was a neighbour of his, and who drank in the same pub, but can people still do that? Young adults can't afford to move out of their parents' homes, if they can then they can't afford to buy a home so they're always moving around as their rents go up and they don't get to put down any kinds of roots. And what you said about meeting places is absolutely right, a lot of them don't exist anymore, that pub I mentioned (which is the pub seen in the David Bowie short film Jazzin' for Blue Jean) is now an expensive gastropub serving sourdough toast for £6 to wankers with too much money.

I think as well as money, a lot of people just don't have the time anymore. Things like recreational sports are on the decline because people are so busy working or whatever; I'd love to get back to playing cricket, but it's quite difficult when I work as many weekends as I do, and that will be the same for anyone else in the service industries. 

It's no wonder people are so depressed now, we're a lonely bunch, and it isn't really our fault.

In fairness, I don't know how much it is those other things; I think that point about young people needing to move a lot is a strong one (I've been living in the same city since 2012, but have lived in four different places within it, only started owning my place in late 2017 or so), but my grandpa worked an union electrician job one city over from me but certainly didn't get a whole ton of time off or anything like that, just the usual two weeks per year plus weekends.

That said, he also lived in a church parish that had a thriving community; no religion talk, here, just focusing on the community stuff, but the Catholic parish my grandparents went to had a school, sports program, and a theater group, which were all ways that my parents both ended up meeting a lot of their lifelong friends (my dad directed the theater program, my godfather was huge with the CYO basketball team) and future in-laws...hell, it was through the school that my parents actually met each other in the first place, since my mom was a student there and dad was involved in the music program. Again, not making this about religion, but just the structures that allowed people to interact regularly and be around one another a lot were so key.

Plus, I think a lot of is is the general atomization of our societies; towns keep getting developed with isolated single family houses in mind, and here in the States they're almost always built with cars instead of walkability at their core. Even for young people right now, people will ask why Zoomers don't go out and play with other kids and the answer is often "there's literally nowhere to go", since they have a bunch of towns with no main streets or places where the only social spaces are found on car-centric stroads.

And ultimately, yeah, when they get us to work more and more it's also a way to keep us unhappy and more willing to buy stuff in order to feel better...ugh, could go on and on about this.

[Starshine]

You introverted and want an easy way to meet people around? Get into boardgames and/or tabletop roleplaying. It’s one of the few activities most introverts would rather do in person than from isolated from home.

[An Dog On An Skateboard]

Jul 19, 2024 18:38:33 GMT -5 HMARK Center said:

Jul 19, 2024 14:48:45 GMT -5 An Dog On An Skateboard said:

Absolutely this.

I think sometimes about how my parents formed their platonic relationships as adults. The closest friend my dad has ever had was someone who was a neighbour of his, and who drank in the same pub, but can people still do that? Young adults can't afford to move out of their parents' homes, if they can then they can't afford to buy a home so they're always moving around as their rents go up and they don't get to put down any kinds of roots. And what you said about meeting places is absolutely right, a lot of them don't exist anymore, that pub I mentioned (which is the pub seen in the David Bowie short film Jazzin' for Blue Jean) is now an expensive gastropub serving sourdough toast for £6 to wankers with too much money.

I think as well as money, a lot of people just don't have the time anymore. Things like recreational sports are on the decline because people are so busy working or whatever; I'd love to get back to playing cricket, but it's quite difficult when I work as many weekends as I do, and that will be the same for anyone else in the service industries. 

It's no wonder people are so depressed now, we're a lonely bunch, and it isn't really our fault.

In fairness, I don't know how much it is those other things; I think that point about young people needing to move a lot is a strong one (I've been living in the same city since 2012, but have lived in four different places within it, only started owning my place in late 2017 or so), but my grandpa worked an union electrician job one city over from me but certainly didn't get a whole ton of time off or anything like that, just the usual two weeks per year plus weekends.

That said, he also lived in a church parish that had a thriving community; no religion talk, here, just focusing on the community stuff, but the Catholic parish my grandparents went to had a school, sports program, and a theater group, which were all ways that my parents both ended up meeting a lot of their lifelong friends (my dad directed the theater program, my godfather was huge with the CYO basketball team) and future in-laws...hell, it was through the school that my parents actually met each other in the first place, since my mom was a student there and dad was involved in the music program. Again, not making this about religion, but just the structures that allowed people to interact regularly and be around one another a lot were so key.

Plus, I think a lot of is is the general atomization of our societies; towns keep getting developed with isolated single family houses in mind, and here in the States they're almost always built with cars instead of walkability at their core. Even for young people right now, people will ask why Zoomers don't go out and play with other kids and the answer is often "there's literally nowhere to go", since they have a bunch of towns with no main streets or places where the only social spaces are found on car-centric stroads.

And ultimately, yeah, when they get us to work more and more it's also a way to keep us unhappy and more willing to buy stuff in order to feel better...ugh, could go on and on about this.

Yeah, I think we'll all have slightly different views on it because of the differences in our anecdotal experiences, which is fine, it's interesting to see how it's been for others. My thought was about my brother and his now wife, who seemed to move every twelve to eighteen months and to vastly different parts of the city. They're relatively settled now, but urban populations are now often so transient that the people around them are constantly moving around, city living for many is something that they'll do for a couple of years and then move off to a small town once they've ticked off that experience. My grandparents and great-grandparents, by contrast, stayed in roughly the same place for years and years, when my mum's grandmother moved house it was to the next street, cities were full of these little villages which were communities, and then the eighties happened and developers and speculators got their hands on them and that was that. It's why it annoys me when people say that city living is inherently impersonal, but at one time it wasn't.

And you're right, everything is more splintered and what would have been community touchpoints don't really exist anymore, or not to the same extent. As you said before, those "traditional" meeting places just aren't there anymore.

[Ultimo Gallos]

Now I'm right outside a small town,and the biggest town in the county.

Pretty much the meeting places are the various churches,the grocery store and Walmart.

The is maybe 2 bars and one of them is a bit rough so I see why lots won't goto it.

Hell the local movie theater stays busy cause there is nothing for people to do around here.

Unless you want to drive the hour to Jackson on the weekends here it is go see a movie or hang around the house.

Now if you are into CCGs or D&D the local gaming store is decent for that.

Got a few decent friends I met cause they commented on something I was wearing while shopping. Not that many folks locally into most of what I like. So when I meet someone that knows "oh that is a NJPW/ROH G1 hat" or "Is that Rick Veitch art on your shirt?" I know I have met a fellow fan.

Thinking back on it,once I was done with school all my friends I met through work or usually the local comic shop.

[darbus alan]

I tried to maintain my friendships from college and high school, but it's so hard when everyone moves to different parts of the state (or other states or even other countries) or starts having families.

Been making more friends online through things like Twitch and Discord. Obviously not easy to meet in person when they can be all over the world. Though I did get to meet a few last month in the city and that was a lot of fun.

[Cranjis McBasketball]

I often thought how quick the transition between having to check with the parents before you made plans with your friends and having to check with the wife.

[Ultimo Gallos]

Jul 20, 2024 16:47:49 GMT -5 Cranjis McBasketball said:

I often thought how quick the transition between having to check with the parents before you made plans with your friends and having to check with the wife.

Yep,like today if she was working I would be at TGCW on the coast. Sweating my ass off in a packed building. Maybe making some extra cash.

Instead we're watching Married to the Mob. And refusing to go outside cause "it'ss muggy and I took a shower this morning!"

[Mr Captain Falcon]

I'm 37. I have a very small circle of CLOSE friends, a small circle of friends, and an abundance of coworkers and acquaintances. At work everyone talks shit about everyone else. I don't tell anyone what gets said because I don't care about the drama. I get along with most at work. I've even made it known that others talk shit to me about others and that I'll never divulge what gets said. Also I don't get the people who side with others because someone doesn't like them, like "Mike hates Doug and Doug hates Mike" but I'll never let one sway me toward them and away from the other just because of how they feel about each other.

My very small circle of CLOSE friends is from after high school but is still 20 years this year. People who were always there for me and who I'll always be there for. People I'll never turn my back on but I won't shy away from giving an honest opinion. And people I can have a mature discussion about religion or politics with and we can agree to disagree.

If I never made another new friend for as long as I live I'd be fine with that.

[Mozenrath]

It can be, though I think I have a better time of it now, given I have a better idea of what I am looking for and what I bring to the party.

[fw91]

I found it easier to make friends as an adult personally.