Umagalicious - The "Samoan Bulldozer" story

[tna]

Since we know nothing of U to the M to the A to the G to the A,
let's create his backstory ourselves.

*HOW did he escape the perils of American Samoa?

*HOW did he meet a cigar loving Cuban?

*WHO was the love of his life he let get away?

Let's answer all these questions and more.
I'll begin:

"Once upon a time in American Samoa, there lived a young boy named Umaga".

[wwerules60]

"His favorite drink was iced tea with a hint of lemon. Little did he know this drink would cause him great trouble in the future."

[tna]

"He also loved to wrestle baboons. Their shrill voices comforted him in a way he could not quite explain.

If only he knew the pain baboons and iced tea would one day cause him. If only."

[skiller]

"But how could he? How could he see what was waiting before him?

One day, Umaga went out on one of his many Samoan hunts. While drinking his iced tea he saw some baboons. He knew there was only one thing to do..."

[tna]

"so he went to the bathroom. Covered in his own dung, he crept up like a cat behind the baboons. He was ready to pounce, to engulf the baboons in one single swallow, but then"

[skiller]

"He saw something sparkling in the distance. Curious as to what this could be he jumped out of the tree and started running towards it. He ran for what seemed like hours before he suddenly stopped. It was far wose than what he'd ever imagined, it was..."

[tna]

"his distant cousin, Rosemeyer, pretending to be a superhero. Disgusted and betrayed, Umaga expressed a feeling that was somewhat foreign to hear....sadness. He began to cry."

[skiller]

"He wandered through the jungle for 67 days and 48 nights. Eventually he realised he'd completely left the dense jungles of Samoa. But he knew where he was, he'd been there before. He was in the middle of..."

[bob]

"Brooklyn Brooklyn"

[Doctor Tull-eus S. Venture]

And two of the inhabitants of this strange land approached him, with glittery chains around their neck, and their teeth sparkled like diamonds.

Umaga knew then that he needed to have his teeth sparkle too.

[Johnny Danger (Godz)]

Umaga saw a shiny metal pole for a street light out of the corner of his eye. He ran over and sunk his teeth eagerly into it, only for them to all break and fall out of his mouth! He howled in pain and rage, tearing through the streets of Brooklyn, until he ran into.......

[starking18]

"Umaga was born a poor black child..."

[Nickie James]

"A funny looking Cuban store, thinking that they would sell these mystifying dentures when he witnessed a man smoking one of the cigars in the store..."

[cory16154]

so he bolted in and went to attack him but then

[WarriorWarrior]

starking18 said:

"Umaga was born a poor black child..."

And grew up to be a rich white woma......oh wait, wrong dude.

[Grendel]

cory16154 said:

so he bolted in and went to attack him but then

The cigar smoking cuban looked at him and took a huge drag off of his cigar. Then he said, "Como se dice .." Umaga looked at him and cocked his head to one side before saying "Blaarg!" in return. The smoking man than said, "Joo can be my Samoan Bulldozer ..." And then ...