Brian Alvarez's take on TnA...

[Lance Uppercut]

Found this on Fightnetwork. Since most people seem to hold this guy with some degree of respect (especially after the last thing he wrote), maybe it'd be nice to hear his main beefs with TnA...

-----------------------------------------------

TNA LOGIC


By: Bryan Alvarez
The Fight Network
[e-mail]

I was going to start this column by writing this:

"Sometimes people ask me why I'm so much harder on TNA than WWE."
Then I realized that, in fact, I would be starting this column with a lie. I am almost never asked this question. Of late, this question has become even rarer as I'm now being approached by hardcore TNA fans asking if I will help them arrange a boycott of the product because even they can't handle the television anymore.

Since I'm trying to be fair here, I will also preface this column by noting that I thought this past Thursday's Impact was the best Impact in ages. Faint praise, I know, but praise nonetheless.

With that said, this column is going to be about stupid and illogical things that TNA does. The reason I made comparisons to WWE earlier was because WWE has been in the midst of a major storyline recently that really didn't make any sense at all. Now, granted, the revelation that Hornswoggle was Vince's illegitimate son was a major let-down, and everything they have done since has been pretty lame. I do believe that the plan is still for Mr. Kennedy to end up Vince's son in the end, and that the Hornswoggle revelation was a way for them to buy some time while Kennedy sat out his 30-day (actually, to be technical, 29-day) suspension. But up to that point, as absurd as it was, it was pretty fun.

So the question is why was that storyline, which really made no sense at all, fun, whereas when TNA does things that are illogical it fills me with anger and rage?

The Mr. McMahon illegitimate child storyline was absurd. Basically, the idea was that Vince fathered a bastard child, and now, some 20-something years later, the mother was coming forward and filing a paternity suit. So Vince was being hit with this suit, but he wasn't being told who the mother was or who the child was, only that the child was a current WWE superstar. How stupid is that?

It's pretty stupid. However, here's the thing. It HAD to be like this or there WAS NO STORYLINE. If they played this one hundred percent legit, then we would have known the name of the child and the name of the mother on day one and you couldn't have built to anything. In order to drag this out over x number of television shows to build to a climax, these logic holes had to exist.

Compare this to the angle on TNA Thursday where Sting got a restraining order against Karen Angle. He was concerned that she was going to interfere in his match with Kurt Angle at the Bound for Glory PPV, so he got a restraining order saying she couldn't come within 50 feet of him or she would be arrested. So what did he do next? He jumped up and ran at her so that, against her will, she was within 50 feet of him, and cops immediately came out and arrested her.

This was also pretty stupid. The difference between this and the illegitimate child storyline, though, is that Karen did not NEED to be arrested to make this storyline work. The idea that Sting, a grown man, could legally get a restraining order because Karen Angle faked getting hit outside the ring during a wrestling match is completely absurd, but I can live with that because we have to believe such a thing is possible in order for the rest of the storyline to work. However, adding the part where he ran at her and she was arrested because of his actions not only makes no sense but is completely unnecessary in making the storyline work, thus insulting my intelligence.

Just for fun, let's look at a few of the giant unnecessary logic holes from just the last few weeks of TNA TV:

Why was there a match where the Steiners, who are heels, took on Kurt Angle, who is a babyface, two-on-one, with the stipulation being that if the Steiners won they got five minutes in the ring alone with Karen Angle, who they'd never met before? And why, if Karen was so afraid of having to be in the ring with them for five minutes for God knows what reason if Kurt lost, she came to the building that day in the first place?

Why did Karen spend an entire show trying to talk guys into being Kurt's tag team partner, and then, after Sting won the belts with him, the first thing she did was pretend that Sting beat her up and thereby cost her husband the belts?

Why, after building up a Kaz/Traci Brooks love affair, did Tomko, a heel, make the save for Traci after Robert Roode was yelling at her? Any why did Tomko making the save for Traci lead to a Robert Roode vs. KAZ match the following Sunday on PPV?

Why did Samoa Joe and Matt Morgan get into a pull-apart at the PPV on Sunday, and then on the next TV Joe ran down to make the save for Morgan when he was getting beaten up?

Why did Sting say that winning the tag titles earned him a chance at revenge against Team Pacman when they attacked him AFTER he won the belts?

What did the ring crew find when they took the ring down after Abyss got sucked under there by a monster?

Furthermore, why, after being pulled to hell through the ring by a monster at the end of a PPV, was the very first thing Abyss did on the next show ask for a revenge match with Kurt Angle and not mention the monster at all?

And furthermore, why did Abyss ask for a non-title submission match in a steel cage where he would retire if he tapped out, which is a match where there is absolutely not one single thing for him to gain?

And just think: In a few weeks we'll have ONE HUNDRED PERCENT MORE IMPACT!

*****

For more pro-wrestling and MMA news and analysis with Bryan Alvarez, please visit www.figurefouronline.com.

[Mozenrath]

All valid questions. I have no smurfing clue for any of them.

["Nature Boy" Ric Moranis]

jmoney said:

Just for fun, let's look at a few of the giant unnecessary logic holes from just the last few weeks of TNA TV:

Why was there a match where the Steiners, who are heels, took on Kurt Angle, who is a babyface, two-on-one, with the stipulation being that if the Steiners won they got five minutes in the ring alone with Karen Angle, who they'd never met before? And why, if Karen was so afraid of having to be in the ring with them for five minutes for God knows what reason if Kurt lost, she came to the building that day in the first place?

Why did Karen spend an entire show trying to talk guys into being Kurt's tag team partner, and then, after Sting won the belts with him, the first thing she did was pretend that Sting beat her up and thereby cost her husband the belts?

Why, after building up a Kaz/Traci Brooks love affair, did Tomko, a heel, make the save for Traci after Robert Roode was yelling at her? Any why did Tomko making the save for Traci lead to a Robert Roode vs. KAZ match the following Sunday on PPV?

Why did Samoa Joe and Matt Morgan get into a pull-apart at the PPV on Sunday, and then on the next TV Joe ran down to make the save for Morgan when he was getting beaten up?

Why did Sting say that winning the tag titles earned him a chance at revenge against Team Pacman when they attacked him AFTER he won the belts?

Just for fun, since this column was awful...

1. Steiners were faces. Angle was a heel. That's a pretty major mistake to make if Alvarez really pays such close attention to TNA, enough so to gripe about it constantly.

2. Karen Angle pretended Sting beat her up after he was nothing but a choad to her. That started when she offered him a world title shot if he became Kurt's partner. Plus, Sting's usually nice. Karen Angle's generally mean. To oversimplify this, nice people and mean people usually don't get along in real life, and while mixed together, the mean ones often do crapty stuff to the nice ones.

3. Maybe Tomko just doesn't think that a woman should be treated poorly. In kayfabe reality, he's a big tough guy that happened to be hanging around the Impact Zone, watching the show, and he saw a girl being treated poorly. In real life, ever see some heelish putz try and stick up for a girl at a bar when she's been disrespected by another heelish putz, even if there's already a nice guy around who's already trying to protect her? It only happens somewhere on Earth every single night of the week since bars have opened. If you've never been to a bar, this device has been used in roughly 7,000,000 movies and TV shows.

4. Did Joe and Matt Morgan really have a pull-apart? Thought it was more of a face-off that laid the seeds for a possible matchup in the future. You know, a technique that wrestling TV shows and old school wrestling magazine covers have used since the 1950s, to lay the foundation for, "Wouldn't it be cool if those two guys you like would ever square off?". It's pretty much Wrestling Storytelling 101. TNA was laying a foundation with Joe/Morgan. Morgan didn't bite Joe's nose off, choke him with his wrist tape, or even punch him, so thus, they're still capable of having each other's back until they have a real personal issue.

5. Sting said he was basically glad that he won the tag titles, just so he could square off with Team Pacman, so he could exact revenge on them. Team Pacman were the ones who attacked Sting. They did it because they're jerks. Sting had no beef with them otherwise. Team Pacman gave Sting a motive to not just beat them, but kick their ass, and he pretty much stated that.

For instance, if you went down to the local park this weekend to play strangers in flag football, you'd want to win. Sure, you're human. But, before the game, if you knew that the strangers you were playing also just turfed your lawn by doing donuts with their dad's beat-up Camaro, you'd be even madder. You might even want revenge on them.

Gosh darnit, this Bryan Alvarez really needs to take a break from wrestling, because he's starting to lose his grasp on everyday human motivation...or at least how it fits into a wrestling show. Damnit, TNA doesn't even make sense, but most of his complaints are weak.


In conclusion, at least the web editors at The Fight Network saw fit to take out the ALL CAPZ!!! and other weak parts of Alvarez's writing. Still, it's theft if they actually paid him for this column on major logic holes, which ironically, is full of major logic holes.

Also, columns filled entirely with questions as the main points are very "high school newspaper". Columnists shouldn't be paid to ask the questions, especially if they think the questions are so blatantly rhetorical that the audience will just sit there and nod along. From a writing standpoint, this column was roughly the 500-word equivalent of going on a message board and going, "OMGZ, AM I RIGHT GUYZ~!?!?!?!!!!".

[chibidiablo]

I think the Steiners thing was a typo by Alvarez. I've heard him talk about it before and he got it the right way around then

[tombstoned]

3. Maybe Tomko just doesn't think that a woman should be treated poorly. In kayfabe reality, he's a big tough guy that happened to be hanging around the Impact Zone, watching the show, and he saw a girl being treated poorly. In real life, ever see some heelish putz try and stick up for a girl at a bar when she's been disrespected by another heelish putz, even if there's already a nice guy around who's already trying to protect her? It only happens somewhere on Earth every single night of the week since bars have opened. If you've never been to a bar, this device has been used in roughly 7,000,000 movies and TV shows.

I still don't see why Tomko runs in to make the save leading to a PPV match between Kaz and Roode.

Kaz should have made the save.

[Andrew is Good]

I don't think Tomko ran into make the save. Tomko had a match with Kaz. The Roode/Kaz match was already planned. After Tomko won the match, he saw Traci being treated poorly when she ran in to see if Kaz was alright. Tomko felt that the way Roode was treating her was bullshit, so he made a stand about it. I think it was to get across the point of how much of a c*** Robert Roode is, that this heel thinks what he's doing is horrible.

[poi zen rana]

wow mr. alvarez good job on sounding extremely biased. most of the complaints are laughable, but even if they weren't wwe's current product is just as "confusing" but since it is wwe it is funny?

ps thank you ric moranis i was about to type up a counter

[erisi236]

And why, if Karen was so afraid of having to be in the ring with them for five minutes for God knows what reason if Kurt lost, she came to the building that day in the first place?

I laughed at that, is he honestly trying to put real life logic into a Wrestling story? This is a World where when the Heel beats the crap out of your family members and friends you don't call the cops, you demand a match. Of course Karen is going to be at ring side, it's Wrestling.

[brian]

Bryan Alvarez is a retard. I dl'd one of his free shows, and in the first few minutes, he was screaming about how much he hated TNA and that it was the worst promotion ever. He's like every stereotypical internet wrestling fan rolled into one whiny package.

[Chris Decker-The Wild Rover]

[thestinger]

Granted these aren't great stories, but this guy is clueless!

Karen turned on Sting because the Stinger refused to let her accompany him and Kurt on their title defense. THAT'S why she pretended he slapped her. This was clearly shown.

Then she had Kurt HANDCUFF Sting on national TV and slapped him a bunch of times that is why there is a restraining order.

He thinks the Steiners were heels and Angle was a babyface? He must not have watched TNA for over a month before the handicap match!

There's still plot holes. Jim Cornette declared there would be no male on female violence in TNA and a month later made a handicap match where the Steiners would get five minutes alone with Karen Angle.

Still, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. After reading this stuff (Especially him not noticing Kurt's heel turn at Slammiversarry!!) I'm convinced he doesn't even watch TNA, but just reads incomplete synopsis and works from that.

[brian]

My favorite argument he makes for complaining about TNA so much more than WWE is that "WWE makes money with it". What exactly does WWE making money have to do with HIS enjoyment of the show?

[Chris Decker-The Wild Rover]

His name is with a Y not an I guys. Bryan

[REDUNBECK~!]

thestinger said:

Still, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about. After reading this stuff (Especially him not noticing Kurt's heel turn at Slammiversarry!!) I'm convinced he doesn't even watch TNA, but just reads incomplete synopsis and works from that.

Calling Kurt a face was a blatant typo. He's discussed this whole angle before and gotten it the right way around.

But hey, one typo means he's wrong about everything. That's how the internets works.

2. Karen Angle pretended Sting beat her up after he was nothing but a choad to her. That started when she offered him a world title shot if he became Kurt's partner. Plus, Sting's usually nice. Karen Angle's generally mean. To oversimplify this, nice people and mean people usually don't get along in real life, and while mixed together, the mean ones often do crapty stuff to the nice ones.

So Karen screwed her own husband out of the tag belts just to be mean to Sting? And that makes sense to you? Shouldn't Kurt hate her for screwing him?

3. Maybe Tomko just doesn't think that a woman should be treated poorly. In kayfabe reality, he's a big tough guy that happened to be hanging around the Impact Zone, watching the show, and he saw a girl being treated poorly. In real life, ever see some heelish putz try and stick up for a girl at a bar when she's been disrespected by another heelish putz, even if there's already a nice guy around who's already trying to protect her? It only happens somewhere on Earth every single night of the week since bars have opened. If you've never been to a bar, this device has been used in roughly 7,000,000 movies and TV shows.

This doesn't explain why Tomko saving Traci led to Kazarian facing Roode instead of Tomko facing Roode. That's like if Samoa Joe saved some random chick from Kurt Angle, and then Kurt demanded a match with Shark Boy to get his revenge on Joe.

4. Did Joe and Matt Morgan really have a pull-apart? Thought it was more of a face-off that laid the seeds for a possible matchup in the future. You know, a technique that wrestling TV shows and old school wrestling magazine covers have used since the 1950s, to lay the foundation for, "Wouldn't it be cool if those two guys you like would ever square off?". It's pretty much Wrestling Storytelling 101. TNA was laying a foundation with Joe/Morgan. Morgan didn't bite Joe's nose off, choke him with his wrist tape, or even punch him, so thus, they're still capable of having each other's back until they have a real personal issue.

The problem is that if TNA were setting up a "it would be cool to see these guys fight" scenario, it makes no sense for Joe and Morgan to be best buddies the next show, fighting off their evil foes together. This isn't like, say Hardy and MVP, where they hate each other and want to fight but are forced to be a team. Joe and Morgan became friends by their own choice. They no longer hate each other.

5. Sting said he was basically glad that he won the tag titles, just so he could square off with Team Pacman, so he could exact revenge on them. Team Pacman were the ones who attacked Sting. They did it because they're jerks. Sting had no beef with them otherwise. Team Pacman gave Sting a motive to not just beat them, but kick their ass, and he pretty much stated that.

But he won the titles before they attacked him. The titles had nothing to do with Pacman hating him or him hating Pacman. It's like if I won the X-division belt, and then later Senshi beat me up and I said "I'm glad winning the title gives me the chance to face Senshi". What, am I not allowed my revenge on someone unless I'm a title-holder at the time they attack me? The belt's secondary.

[KEJB]

Damn. Nature Boy just tore him a new one.

[erisi236]

csm126 said:

This doesn't explain why Tomko saving Traci led to Kazarian facing Roode instead of Tomko facing Roode. That's like if Samoa Joe saved some random chick from Kurt Angle, and then Kurt demanded a match with Shark Boy to get his revenge on Joe.

Because the Kaz/Roode thing has been set up for awhile and the Tomko thing was because he just had a match with Roode. It was meant to get more Heel heat on Roode and keep Tomko as the bad ass Enforcer.

[REDUNBECK~!]

erisi236 said:

csm126 said:

This doesn't explain why Tomko saving Traci led to Kazarian facing Roode instead of Tomko facing Roode. That's like if Samoa Joe saved some random chick from Kurt Angle, and then Kurt demanded a match with Shark Boy to get his revenge on Joe.

Because the Kaz/Roode thing has been set up for awhile and the Tomko thing was because he just had a match with Roode. It was meant to get more Heel heat on Roode and keep Tomko as the bad ass Enforcer.

But Tomko is Christian's enforcer. Not Traci, and not Kaz's. He had no reason to be here. It's like if Shark Boy randomly turned on So Cal Val and Sting ran in to save her, and then never had another thing to do with any of the people involved or their match. It was just pointless and a little confusing. Besides, Tomko is a heel. If anything he should have been happy to see Roode being a heel as well. Heel's aren't heroes.

[mysterydriver]

csm126 said:

erisi236 said:

Because the Kaz/Roode thing has been set up for awhile and the Tomko thing was because he just had a match with Roode. It was meant to get more Heel heat on Roode and keep Tomko as the bad ass Enforcer.

But Tomko is Christian's enforcer. Not Traci, and not Kaz's. He had no reason to be here. It's like if Shark Boy randomly turned on So Cal Val and Sting ran in to save her, and then never had another thing to do with any of the people involved or their match. It was just pointless and a little confusing. Besides, Tomko is a heel. If anything he should have been happy to see Roode being a heel as well. Heel's aren't heroes.

Heels aren't heroes, but Tomko has been kind of a Tweener in the last few months.

He's basically dedicated to his friend, Christian, who got him into the business and even got him his job with TNA. At the same time, he's getting frustrated for playing second fiddle to Christian, especially when Cage refuses to accept any blame.

It's kind of like the build that led to Batista becoming a face. Tomko respects his friends, but not their actions. While he has a mean streak of his own, he can still see when something wrong is going on.

I really like the slow building storyline.

Oh, and to make sense of everything:

Tomko wrestled Kaz and won. Ms. Brooks came to check on Kaz which upset Roode. The match between Kaz/Roode had already been announced, so Brooks checking on Kaz was a nice well to build it. From there, Roode grabs her, but a tweener Tomko makes the save to show he does have a heart.

I thought it worked well.

[REDUNBECK~!]

It would have made significantly more sense if Kaz had made the save. Even if he was beat up and tired from the match. Hell, that would have made it better. Like he's such a gallant hero that he fights through his own pain and tiredness to save the girl he loves (or seems to love. I'm not entirely sure). Instead it was "nah, he's too much of a wimp to fight to his feet and save her, so the guy who beat him up had to make the save instead." Way to make Kaz look like a competitor before he faced Roode.

[HMARK Center]

mysterydriver said:

csm126 said:

But Tomko is Christian's enforcer. Not Traci, and not Kaz's. He had no reason to be here. It's like if Shark Boy randomly turned on So Cal Val and Sting ran in to save her, and then never had another thing to do with any of the people involved or their match. It was just pointless and a little confusing. Besides, Tomko is a heel. If anything he should have been happy to see Roode being a heel as well. Heel's aren't heroes.

Heels aren't heroes, but Tomko has been kind of a Tweener in the last few months.

He's basically dedicated to his friend, Christian, who got him into the business and even got him his job with TNA. At the same time, he's getting frustrated for playing second fiddle to Christian, especially when Cage refuses to accept any blame.

It's kind of like the build that led to Batista becoming a face. Tomko respects his friends, but not their actions. While he has a mean streak of his own, he can still see when something wrong is going on.

I really like the slow building storyline.

Oh, and to make sense of everything:

Tomko wrestled Kaz and won. Ms. Brooks came to check on Kaz which upset Roode. The match between Kaz/Roode had already been announced, so Brooks checking on Kaz was a nice well to build it. From there, Roode grabs her, but a tweener Tomko makes the save to show he does have a heart.

I thought it worked well.

The main complaint I can take from that is that the segment is a bit needlessly overcomplicated. You're trying to build up the Kaz/Brooks/Roode dynamic, and then you just seemingly introduce a foreign element (Tomko) for no apparent reason.

That said, it's not like it makes the segment horrible, but it's over-booking. Wasn't Roode kind of allied with Christian at the time? They could've had a little backstage bit where Tomko or whoever turns to him and gives sort of a "dude, even I think you're being a jerk" kind of line to him.