Post by Nr1Humanoid on May 8, 2008 12:05:38 GMT -5
THE SNOW SHOVELLER'S DIARY.
DEC 8.
It started to snow. It's the first snow of the year, and my wife and I took a glass of Brandy and sat by the window and watched the white flakes that fell from the sky. It looked like a painting. It's so romantic that we feel like a newly in love couple again. I simply LOVE snow.
DEC 9.
We woke to a carpet of chrystalclear white snow! It covered the entire landscape! What a beautiful sight! Can there be a more beautiful place in the entire world? Moving here was the best idea I have ever had! I shovelled snow for the first time in years, and felt like a kid again! Jeg shovelled all the way up to the house, but tonight the snowplow came and covered it all up again. So I had to shovell it again! What a great experience!
DEC 12.
The mild waether melted all the snow. It was a disapointment, but the neighbour told me not to despair. We are definately getting a white Christmas. I will be very disapointed if we don't get snow during Christmas, but the neighbour says we'll get so much snow that I won't be able to stand the sight of it by the time winter was done. I don't think that is possible! The neighbour is a nice guy and I'm happy to have him as the closest neighbour!
DEC 14
Snow, beloved snow! 30 centimeter fell last night! The temperature fell and the cold makes everything sparkle and shine! The wind almost took my breath away, but I got myself warm by shovelling the driveway again. This is life! The snowplow came again tonight ond covered up the driveway again. I didn't think it would be this much snowshovelling, but at least I'm getting some exercise. I just wish this cough would pass.
DEC 15
It's been reported 60 centimeter of snow. I sold the Mercedes and bought a 4 wheel drive thing. I also bought wintertires for the wifes car and two extra snowshovels. I put the freezer in an ad. The wife wants a fireplace in case the power goes out. I think that is nonsense. We aren't in Siberia, either.
DEC 16.
A storm this morning. Fell and hurt myself when I was outside sprinkling salt. It hurts like hell. The wife laughed, something I don't think was very nice.
DEC 17.
Still very cold. The roads are closed because of ice and snow. The power was out for 5 hours. I had to wrap myself in blankets to keep warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try to annoy her. I guess I should have gotten a fireplace, but I'm not about to admit that to her! God how I HATE IT when she's right! I almost can't believe I am sittinghere and freezing in my own living room!
DEC 20.
The power is back, but another 40 centimeter came of the bloody stuff last night. More shovelling. Took all damn day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to get the boy next door to help but he said he didn't have the time because they were playing icehockey. The kid lies!
Called to order a snowblower but they were sold out. They will get more in march. They lie. The neighbour say I have to shovel or the county would send a bill cause I don't keep my driveway clear. He lies!
DEC 22.
The neighbour was right about the white Christmas. 20 more cm came of that s*** today and it's so damn cold that it probably won't melt until august. It took me 45 minutes to get dressed to go out and shovel and then I had to piss. Before I got my clothes off I had pissed my pants, and when I got dressed again I was to tired to shovel. Tried to pay the neighbour to do it for the rest of the winter because he has a plow on his tractor but he said he was too busy. I thik he lies.
DEC 23.
Only 10 cm of snow today. And it got warmer too. The wife wants me to decorate the front of the house with lights today. She's out of her mind! She could have asked a month ago! She says she did ask a month ago but I think she's lying.
DEC 24.
60 cm of snow. It was packed so hard that my shovel broke. Thought I was gonna have a heartattack.
If I get my hands on the guy that drives the plow I'm gonna drag him through the snow by his balls and kill him with the broken handle! I know he hides behind the corner and waits until my shovelling is done before he comes with the damn plow in 55 mph and covers everything I have shovelled clean! Tonight the wife wants me to sing Christmas carols with her and opens presents but I didn't have time because I was sitting and waiting for the damn plow.
DEC25.
Merry goddamn Christmas! 50 more cm of the ****ing snow last night. We snowed in. The though of shovelling pisses me off! God how I HATE this ****ing snow! Today the guy who drives the snowplow came and asked for money to some fundraising s***. I threw the broken shovel in his head.. The wife-bitch says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to see It's a Wonderful Life one more goddamn time I think I will stuff her in the microwave.
DEC 26.
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I move here??? It was HER idea! She is really starting to get on my nerves!
DEC 27.
The temparature fell and the pipes froze. The plumber came after 14 hours and wanted $500 for the work.
DEC 28.
It got warmer. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!
DEC 29.
30 cm more. The neighbour says I have to clear the roof or it will collapse. That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Does he think I'm an idiot?
DEC 30.
The roof collapsed. I hit the snowplow driver and he's suing me for a million. Not just because I hit him but also because I tried to push my shovel up his ass. The bitch wife left for her mothers house. 30 cm of snow has been predicted.
DEC 31.
I set fire to the house. No more shovelling.
JAN 8.
Everything feels so good. I love the little white pills they give me...I wonder why I'm strapped to the bed....?
DEC 8.
It started to snow. It's the first snow of the year, and my wife and I took a glass of Brandy and sat by the window and watched the white flakes that fell from the sky. It looked like a painting. It's so romantic that we feel like a newly in love couple again. I simply LOVE snow.
DEC 9.
We woke to a carpet of chrystalclear white snow! It covered the entire landscape! What a beautiful sight! Can there be a more beautiful place in the entire world? Moving here was the best idea I have ever had! I shovelled snow for the first time in years, and felt like a kid again! Jeg shovelled all the way up to the house, but tonight the snowplow came and covered it all up again. So I had to shovell it again! What a great experience!
DEC 12.
The mild waether melted all the snow. It was a disapointment, but the neighbour told me not to despair. We are definately getting a white Christmas. I will be very disapointed if we don't get snow during Christmas, but the neighbour says we'll get so much snow that I won't be able to stand the sight of it by the time winter was done. I don't think that is possible! The neighbour is a nice guy and I'm happy to have him as the closest neighbour!
DEC 14
Snow, beloved snow! 30 centimeter fell last night! The temperature fell and the cold makes everything sparkle and shine! The wind almost took my breath away, but I got myself warm by shovelling the driveway again. This is life! The snowplow came again tonight ond covered up the driveway again. I didn't think it would be this much snowshovelling, but at least I'm getting some exercise. I just wish this cough would pass.
DEC 15
It's been reported 60 centimeter of snow. I sold the Mercedes and bought a 4 wheel drive thing. I also bought wintertires for the wifes car and two extra snowshovels. I put the freezer in an ad. The wife wants a fireplace in case the power goes out. I think that is nonsense. We aren't in Siberia, either.
DEC 16.
A storm this morning. Fell and hurt myself when I was outside sprinkling salt. It hurts like hell. The wife laughed, something I don't think was very nice.
DEC 17.
Still very cold. The roads are closed because of ice and snow. The power was out for 5 hours. I had to wrap myself in blankets to keep warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try to annoy her. I guess I should have gotten a fireplace, but I'm not about to admit that to her! God how I HATE IT when she's right! I almost can't believe I am sittinghere and freezing in my own living room!
DEC 20.
The power is back, but another 40 centimeter came of the bloody stuff last night. More shovelling. Took all damn day. Damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to get the boy next door to help but he said he didn't have the time because they were playing icehockey. The kid lies!
Called to order a snowblower but they were sold out. They will get more in march. They lie. The neighbour say I have to shovel or the county would send a bill cause I don't keep my driveway clear. He lies!
DEC 22.
The neighbour was right about the white Christmas. 20 more cm came of that s*** today and it's so damn cold that it probably won't melt until august. It took me 45 minutes to get dressed to go out and shovel and then I had to piss. Before I got my clothes off I had pissed my pants, and when I got dressed again I was to tired to shovel. Tried to pay the neighbour to do it for the rest of the winter because he has a plow on his tractor but he said he was too busy. I thik he lies.
DEC 23.
Only 10 cm of snow today. And it got warmer too. The wife wants me to decorate the front of the house with lights today. She's out of her mind! She could have asked a month ago! She says she did ask a month ago but I think she's lying.
DEC 24.
60 cm of snow. It was packed so hard that my shovel broke. Thought I was gonna have a heartattack.
If I get my hands on the guy that drives the plow I'm gonna drag him through the snow by his balls and kill him with the broken handle! I know he hides behind the corner and waits until my shovelling is done before he comes with the damn plow in 55 mph and covers everything I have shovelled clean! Tonight the wife wants me to sing Christmas carols with her and opens presents but I didn't have time because I was sitting and waiting for the damn plow.
DEC25.
Merry goddamn Christmas! 50 more cm of the ****ing snow last night. We snowed in. The though of shovelling pisses me off! God how I HATE this ****ing snow! Today the guy who drives the snowplow came and asked for money to some fundraising s***. I threw the broken shovel in his head.. The wife-bitch says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to see It's a Wonderful Life one more goddamn time I think I will stuff her in the microwave.
DEC 26.
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I move here??? It was HER idea! She is really starting to get on my nerves!
DEC 27.
The temparature fell and the pipes froze. The plumber came after 14 hours and wanted $500 for the work.
DEC 28.
It got warmer. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!
DEC 29.
30 cm more. The neighbour says I have to clear the roof or it will collapse. That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Does he think I'm an idiot?
DEC 30.
The roof collapsed. I hit the snowplow driver and he's suing me for a million. Not just because I hit him but also because I tried to push my shovel up his ass. The bitch wife left for her mothers house. 30 cm of snow has been predicted.
DEC 31.
I set fire to the house. No more shovelling.
JAN 8.
Everything feels so good. I love the little white pills they give me...I wonder why I'm strapped to the bed....?
