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Post by MiLo Duck on Jun 7, 2008 19:47:57 GMT -5
Just a couple questions. Did she even try to integrate you, her best friend, into a friendly relationship with her eventual husband? If so, how did that work? If not, why? Was this her first real relationship? Is the dude a control freak?
To me it depends on those issues for what you should do. I know you're talking about her heart as a concern, but I'm guessing she is already aware of that. You care for your friend and want back in her life and who blames you. Best friends are hard to come by.
I've been a similar situation with what I thought would always be my best friend. Life happened, I was wrong. However good friends are hard to find, so basiclly how open is the door for you to come back?
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Post by Bob Schlapowitz on Jun 7, 2008 19:55:31 GMT -5
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Post by LCR, Formerly Blue Nova on Jun 7, 2008 20:15:13 GMT -5
Just send a card.
Keep it to the same "You have my sympathies" type stuff without getting too personal. Let her know you're there if she wants to talk.
And keep it at that. If she wants to talk, she'll find you.
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Post by They Adam Bradley on Jun 7, 2008 21:24:06 GMT -5
I have an update for everyone....
I heard wrong, her baby DID NOT die
but her boyfriend/fiancee did...
Its so heart breaking.... shes had several heart problems and was finally getting healthy. They had JUST bought a house and were starting their life together with their 7 month old son...
Im at loss on what to say or anything.... i guess last night he kept complaining of a bad headache... and when they woke up this morning he was gone.... They said it was a brain Anorism
gone at 21...a widow at 20... and a 7 month old baby who will no longer have his father... it breaks my heart
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Post by They Adam Bradley on Jun 7, 2008 21:27:56 GMT -5
what happened was.... me and her were best friend and i got feelings for her. I didnt want to ruin anything she had with her fiancee but of course its hard to control those feelings for someone. After so long of me trying to be her "boyfriend" when she actually had a great guy, she told me that she couldnt take it anynore and i didnt blame her.
for about 9 months we didnt talk, she had her baby and their lives seemed to be going amazing. Around february we started to become friends again and we have talked on ocassion ever since... Her boyfriend was an amazing guy and they were so in love.....
He never had a problem with me and her being so close and alwyas wanted me and her to be close again...... this girl is my hero.. shes dealt with major heart problems her whole life, dealt with being pregnant and taking care of a baby, and now must deal with losing the guy she loves/ and the father of her baby...
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Post by MiLo Duck on Jun 8, 2008 2:09:01 GMT -5
Well if you're already talking then you should just call her and be there emotionally for her. Try not to take the baggage of unrequited love and just be there for your friend. This is one of those moments were you make the phone call, since greiving people often just sit there and grieve.
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Blindkarevik
Grimlock
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Posts: 14,343
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Post by Blindkarevik on Jun 8, 2008 11:35:56 GMT -5
Does she know how to contact you still?
If so, give her a bit of time and let her reach out to you. I have no idea what the proper time passed would be for you to get ahold of her, but at this point in time.. it just reeks of, "I'm superman, coming in for the save." right now.
I understand you feel bad for her, and I understand you want to help. BUT, before doing ANYTHING you need to weigh how much of your grief is legitimate sadness over her situation and how much is you just wanting to reconnect and be close with her. If you're not careful, the situation could get a whole lot worse and she could end up losing everything due to simply poor timing.
I do agree, though.... a short, sweet, sympathy card is in order. Make sure not to say too much in it... don't get carried away... and don't get overly poetic or anything. Just make the note basically say, "I'm sorry, I'm here if you need me" and leave it at that. Toss the ball into her court, and make sure it doesn't come off as too pushy.
Since none of us know her, we don't know how she expresses grief and copes with it. My advice may be completely wrong and she might be the kind of girl who would want you to immediately run to her side..... but in my experience, hanging back a bit and letting HER decide what SHE needs, is the best bet.
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