Woo's the Boss? (of gudge and backetballs)

[angryfan]

(Scene opens at a large indoor sports complex, with the gang spending a day relaxing)

HHH: (holding a foot-long corndog) See, we need to get out more often, this is fun.

Steph: Well thank you. See, I told you this was a good idea.

HHH: Yeah, but why are we –

(HHH is cut off by Batista, who runs past, screaming and looking over his shoulder)

HHH: The hell was that?

Flair: Wooo?

Steph: Dave?

(Batista has taken to hiding inside a ball bit)

Steph: DAVE!

Batista: What?

Steph: Is something wrong?

Batista: (brushing himself off and exiting the ball pit, voice slightly shaky) Nah, of c-course not, wh-why would there be anything wrong?

HHH: The whole running and hiding in a ball pit thing kinda tipped us off.

Batista: Oh, that, yeah, no big deal, just…exercising, yeah. Trying to work on my quads.

HHH: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Batista: What?

Steph: Hunter, he wasn’t talking about you.

HHH: Oh, okay then, that’s better. Anyway, why were you “exercising” (makes quote fingers) in the ball pit?

Dave: Well, I figure it can never hurt to work on –

(he stops as MVP approaches, dribbling a basketball)

Dave: Gotta go, bye! (he runs away)

MVP: (still dribbling) Hey guys, anybody for a little one on one?

HHH: Uh…no, no thanks. Listen man, any idea what’s freaking Dave out?

MVP: No clue. He said something about needing to improve his cardio, so I figured, you know, ballin’. Thing is, soon as I started dribbling, he ran off. Kept saying something about how he was wrong, whatever that means. You guys sure you don’t want to maybe play HORSE or something? Naitch?

Flair: (shaking his head) Woo.

MVP: Suit yourselves. (he departs, still dribbling)

HHH: Anyway, Steph, what was the whole point of coming here today? I mean, it’s fun, but why bring everybody?

Steph: Camaraderie, Hunter, it’s vital. We need to work as a team, and everyone benefits.

HHH: Wow, that’s very forward thinking. So what’re you gonna do?

Steph: Me? Oh I figured I’d wander around, check in with everybody, the usual. Maybe stop off and check out the weight room and –

HHH: I KNEW IT!

Steph: What?

HHH: You’re just going to find some big muscle-bound guys, aren’t you?

Steph: I think you’re being paranoid.

HHH: I am not being paranoid. It’s always about msucleheads, isn’t it? Every single time I say “hey, Steph, how about a title shot?” you mention some guy doing a crazy bench press and change the subject.

Steph: Oh, that’s ridiculous, I do not.

HHH: You do so! (to Sledgie, who is wearing a workout suit) Tell her!

(Sledgie, as always, says nothing)

Steph: See? You are being paranoid.

HHH: (to himself) ass kisser.

Steph: What was that?

HHH: Nothing.

Steph: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I want to see how everyone is doing. What will you guys be doing?

(Steph departs and scene changes to Edge and Orton in the parking lot)

Orton: I feel ridiculous.

Edge: You always say that, would you just relax?

Orton: Relax?

Edge: Yeah, relax. Look, I know you’re still freaked out about the whole Matt thing, but I’m telling you, it’s passed. You’re the champ, I’m the champ, I say we just go in there and have a good time.

Orton: And no Matt Hardy anywhere, right?

Edge: (not making eye contact) Of course not, why would he be here.

Orton: Because you called him and disguised your voice would be my guess.

Edge: How the hell did you…I mean, why would I do that?

Orton: I’ll go with because you’re a dick for 200, Alex.

Edge: Damn man, that really hurts. You think I’d set you up like that just for a laugh?

Orton: I do.

Edge: Well, I frankly don’t know what to say. How can I prove to you that you’re wrong.

Orton: Hmmm, lemme think. Hey, I’ve got it, you could start by explaining why, when I got dressed at home this morning, all my shirts had been replaced with V1 t-shirts.

Edge: Coincidence?

Orton: My ass. How did you even get that many, and how did you get inside my house?

Edge: I have my ways.

(scene flashes to Edge talking to Repo Man)

Edge: So you think you can pull this off?

Repo Man: Sure why not? One question though, you don’ want me to take anything? Not even the title belt?

Edge: Hell no, I’ve got my own.

Repo Man: And you want me to leave these? Why?

Edge: It’s a long story.

Repo Man: I’ve got time.

Edge: What?

Repo Man: I said I’ve got time, so go ahead and tell the story.

Edge: But that’s not how it works. I say “it’s a long story” and you say “Oh” and drop it. Those are the rules.

Repo Man: Whose rules?

Edge: I have no idea, but somebody made them.

Repo Man: Well that doesn’t really explain anything, now does it?

Edge: Look, are you going to do this job or not?

Repo Man: Yes, I am, but at some point you owe me.

Edge: What, money wasn’t enough?

Repo Man: No that’s fi – wait, what money?

Edge: I paid you to replace his wardrobe with these shirts.

Repo Man: No you didn’t.

Edge: Like hell I didn’t. Don’t you remember? I met you on a golf coarse and paid you ine ones, like you demanded.

Repo Man: I’ve never been on a golf coarse in my entire life.

Edge: So, you’re telling me that when we first met up, and you said “Meet me on a golf coarse, pay me in ones”, that that somehow wasn’t you?

Repo Man: Do I look like I’d be caught dead on a golf coarse? That’s as likely as me being a truck driver or wearing some kind of weird leather get-up.

Edge: But what about –

Repo Man: What about what?

Edge: You know what, never mind. Will you just do the damn job already?

Repo Man: You’re lucky I have experience at that.

Edge: (under his breath) That’s an understatement?

Repo Man: WHAT?

Edge: Nothing! Now, here’s the key, go get it done.

Repo Man: Fine, but just so you know, I don’t like you.

Edge: (flatly) I’m devastated.

(scene changes back to Edge and Orton)

Orton: You have ways, huh?

Edge: Yeah, I do.

Orton: And you promise, no Matt Hardies?

Edge: Look, I haven’t talked to him or seen him in like two months, okay? So just let it go.

(Edge and Orton enter the complex as the scene changes to Steph meeting up with Jeff Hardy, Kennedy, and Kahli all at a large monitor playing Rock Band)

Steph: How’s it going guys?

Kahli: (holding a pair of drum sticks) klargkljalharghaklarg!

Steph: That’s…huh?

Kahli: (removing caramels) It’s going wonderfully, thank you. I absolutely love the drums, they are very therapeutic.

Langana: (from behind a potted plant that he is carrying) AHEM!

Kahli: Fine, I know, damn caramels. One thing though, why are you carrying a potted plant?

Langana: It makes me less conspicuous.

Steph: Hey, where’s Gerwitz, I thought he usually shadowed Kahli.

Langana: Day off.

Steph: We get days off?

Langana: Yep. (to Kahli) Now about those caramels.

Kahli: One second, old chap, I’m still a bit perplexed with the potted plant.

Langana: Look, you do your job, I’ll do mine and -

(he is cut off by a phone ringing)

Langana: One second: (answering phone) Hello? (barely above a whisper) Hey, Dave, can I call you back, I’m kinda busy.

Seph: (to Kahli) Do it.

Kahli: BKLAJAHRLJGALARGKARAWR! (brain chops Langana)

Vince: (runs in, carrying a gigantic wad of cotton candy) YEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRED!

Steph: Thak you, Daddy.

Vince: Any time. (departs)

Kahli: (picks up the phone) Terribly sorry, but he’ll have to call you back. (hangs up the phone)

Steph: Anyway, how’s everyone doing?

Kennedy: We’re just unwinding.

Steph: That’s always –

Kennedy: Unwinding.

Steph: Yeah, like I was saying, that’s graet.

Jeff: (dancing in place) So, you wanna hang out and watch?

Steph: Well, I suppose, I mean –

Jeff: Hit it!

(the sound of “Holla Back Girl starts playing)

Jeff: Wait, wait, who picked this?

(Kennedy, oblivious to this begins singing)

Kahli: (dropping the drumsticks) Bklajljrlajrawr! (brain chops Kennedy)

(scene changes back to Edge and Orton at the concession stand)

Edge: See, no Matt. Feel better?

Orton: I suppose, but don’t think I’m not keeping my eye on you.

(Batista runs up, breathing heavily)

Batista: You gotta help me.

Edge: Why’s that?

Batista: It’s horrible, guys, just horrible. I’m being stalked.

Orton: (angrily) Hey, that’s gimmick infringement!

Batista: Would you shut up, Randy? This is about me! ME! Everywhere I go, he’s there, taunting me!

Randy: Once again, gimmick infringement!

Edge: (ignoring Orton)Who’s stalking you?

(MVP walks by, still dribbling the basketball, and Batista hides behind Edge)

MVP Hey guys, how’s it going?

Ege: It’s fine, man. (to Batista) Would you get off of me Dave?

Batista: Who’s Dave?

Edge: What, now you’ve got amnesia?

Batista: No, but my name’s not Dave. I’m (pauses and thinks) My name’s Marty Janetty! Yeah. Basketballs don’t hold grudges against Marty Janetty!

HBK: (looking up from a nearby pop-a-shot machine) Marty’s here?

Batista: Huh?

(HBK kicks Batista and throws him through a display made up to look like a barbershop window)

Batista: OW! What the hell man?

HBK: Sorry, sorry, habit. Say, you don’t look like Marty, you’re a lot taller. That and you’re not wearing one of those ankle tracking devices.

(Scene changes to the real Marty Janetty, still standing by the water cooler at Titan Towers, talking to Head)

Marty: You know, it’s so great to be back working here. Everybody’s been so nice about everything. Would be nice if they let me know when nobody was gonna be here, but still, nice to be back.

(Scene changes to back to HBK, Edge, Orton, and Batista)

HBK: Anyway, I guess if you say you’re Marty, you’re Marty, right?

Vince: (runs up, still carrying the large wad of cotton candy) Did somebody say Janetty was here?

HBK: Yeah. (points to Dave)

Vince: Say, you’re not Marty. You’re Batista!

MVP: (looking up) Batista? (begins dribbling the basketball faster)

Batista: (watching the basketball) No, I’m, I mean, I…TEDDY!

Long: (busily playing air hockey with Taker) Hold on’ a second, playa.

Batista: Damn it, Teddy, this is important!

(Taker scores the winning point in the air hockey game)

Teddy: (dancing over to Dave) What you need, playa?

Batista: Teddy, I need help. See, I always said basketballs don’t hold grudges, but they do, they DO!

Teddy: You been drinkin’, playa?

Batista: Damn it, Teddy, I’m serious! Do something!

Teddy: I’ll handle it, but you’re gonna have to go one on one with (he pauses to dance) THE UNDATAKAH! Holla holla!

(Taker stands by the air hockey table and glares at Batista)

Orton: This is insane.

Edge: Says the guy in the V1 t-shirt.

Orton: SHUT UP!

(Matt Hardy walks up, beaming)

Matt: Hiiiiiiiiii Randy!

Orton: (glaring at Edge YOU PROMISED!

Edge: Do I control what he does?

Orton: I hate you, I really do, you know that?

(Orton storms off)

Edge: Thanks, Matt.

Matt: Where’s he going? You promised I’d get his number.

Edge: (slips a piece of paper to Matt) Here, but you didn’t get it from me.

Matt: Yeah, Lita told me the same thing once.

(Orton runs back in and attempts an RKO on Hardy, but misses and flies into Batista, who is still extracting himself from the barbershop window)

Batista: What the hell, man!

Orfton: Uh…sorry?
(Batista goes to punch Randy, but Orton grabs the basketball and bounces it off Dave’s chest)

Batista: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (he runs in terror as the scene ends)

[Max]

LMAO. that was one of the best so far man, keep it up.

[Tim]

Pure gold. Repo Man, Jannetty talking to Head, and Batista going one on one with The Undertaker in air hockey were my favorite parts.

[Max]

I liked Lagana getting fired, and Vince almost firing Batista.

[damna]

That was awesome! I can totally see HBK coming out of a "whack-a-mole" game.

[Stu]

Great work as always. I was afraid we wouldn't be getting another episode anytime soon. Glad I was wrong.

[Marvelously Mediocre]

that was awesome. MVP stalking Tista and Orton claiming it was gimmick infringement and Triple H dressing up his sledgehammer were the funniest parts

[angryfan]

Thanks for the comments guys, as always. The one drawback to this particular episode was that, unfortuantely, I can now actually hear Kennedy singing "HOllaback Girl" in my head, and it hurts.

[Topher is Human]

This is like one of those "special" episodes of shows where instead of it being about the main characters (HHH and Steph), it's about the popular supporting characters (Rated RKO).

Every good sitcom has done it one, and now I can proudly see this is among them.

Amazing work as always sir. The Rated RKO segments are always the best, and it's good to see them get more focus.

[Deleted]

well done ;D

[D2: Sweet & Sour Edition]

I say Rated RKO get their own spinoff series.

[G✇JI☈A]

Great. Vince with Cotton Candy GOLD

[Bobeddy]

Great work angryfan.
I always get a laugh out of these.

[amsiraK]

Teddy: You been drinkin’, playa?

And I like how with you writing, Batista is about 900% more interesting than usual!

LOL - poor Randy.

And Repo-Man... brilliant.

[Spyke the Pacers Fan]

Matt: Where’s he going? You promised I’d get his number.

Edge: (slips a piece of paper to Matt) Here, but you didn’t get it from me.

Matt: Yeah, Lita told me the same thing once.

Awesome.

[mysterydriver]

The Repo Man conversation was great. Very funny.

Also, I can imagine Vince running around when he hears Marty Jannetty's name with a big smile and loosening up his throat to fire the man.

[Big Daddy Bad Booking]

Huge markout moments for the V1 shirts and REPO MAN!!!!!!!

[Spankymac is sick of the swiss]

Honestly, Edge and Orton are quickly becoming the breakout favorite characters of this show for me.

[Chainsaw]

BALLGAME, MAGGLE!!

[Tea & Crumpets]

Excellent as always, these never disappoint. The Repo Man and Jannetty segments were gold, and I too am loving Rated RKO.A spinoff for them would indeed be good stuff.