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Post by The Lach is very tired on Dec 18, 2005 5:14:09 GMT -5
Wow, it's an honour to be nominated in so many categories.
Spaz's star certainly is on the rise.
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Dec 18, 2005 18:00:55 GMT -5
Urkel is announced as the winner for “Worst Celebrity Appearance” bringing the grieving Winslows to the podium to make an acceptance speech on his behalf. Carl steps up to speak for the whole family.Carl Winslow: Wow...It was only a few months ago where Steve got his big shot in the wrestling ring again. Before that time me & Steve subbed for the Psycho Twins to go against the Bushwhackers....He couldn’t stop talking about it. His inventions went to the way side & eventually he finally got the courage to admit that he too...wanted to become a pro wrestler. Gradually he bulked up & selled his wares to every fed out there. No dice...Then upon hearing a fellow television star had made the jump he decided to try out with that fed. Needless to say they are the EWT *the crowd gives a great response* And that fellow television star was Tim “The Tool Man” Terror...*Carl gives a stern look as the crowd boos at the mention of the Tool Man’s name though a several heels applaude him* The match was set...Celebrity Showdown between The Tool Man & Steven Q. Urkel. Needless to say Steve started out strong, but The Tool Man was stronger with his current group then The P.T.A. *boos from the crowd* Things got out of hand & that BASTARD MURDERED STEVE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!!! *silence occurs as his family holds back Carl from exploding again on the mic* To this day me & my family have no closure in this matter.....but.......with Steve being in your hearts for at least the Worst Celebrity Award....this bridges that gap in our lives just a little more than before. Though Steve can’t be with us this evening to accept this award I am sure he is looking down on us with that big goofy smile of his snorting gleefully at our disacceptence of his wrestling choices. Though Steve didn’t win best celebrity appearence I am sure he’d win best celebrity appearance in your heart. Thank you everyone *holds up the Scammy award & points to the sky* THIS ONE IS FOR YOU FROM THE BIG GUY! *the audience applauds while a memorial picture of Urkel appears above on the Toomitron on the stage* CW: But I’d just like to say...after hearing of the firing & eventual suicide of Tim Terror I’d like to say GOOD RIDDANCE! And as for his family...I PLACE THE POLICEMAN’S CURSE ON EVERYONE WITH THE LAST NAME TAYLOR! The crowd gives a heart-warming applause as Carl starts doing a random looking voodoo ritual on the Taylor family.....THEN
Around the auditorium is heard the strumming of a Sitar which gives way to some generic hippy music. And out from the curtains in all his glory wearing a hippy custom straight from Spencer Gifts 80% After Halloween Sale comes MARTY TAYLOR AKA PARASLICE!!!
He is followed by members of his troupe who are all holding a ravaged Weird Al captive. His group includes “Delicious” Dick Slater (wearing a very short chef’s apron complete with big ass chef’s hat & a G-string), Senor Splash (wearing a janitor’s uniform with the top zipped up so his overexposed belly can hang out & breath), & lesser members the Salami Swami & Ol’ King Cold Cuts. They all approach the podium as the Winslow family is none too happy. Marty Taylor AKA Paraslice has a mic in his hands & begins to speak as the music plays out.Paraslice: Haha you fans never thought you would see US again, NOW did you? Hahaha. Toomi tore down our set & gave us all the pink slip just like he did to my poor deceased brother TIM “THE TOOL MAN” TERROR!!! *boos from the audience* Well guess again because we’re back & we’re TAKING OVER! And our first conquest will be taking what belongs to my brother & that is the SCAMMY AWARD FOR BEST & WORST CELEBRITY APPEARANCE!!!! As he is the ONLY celebrity that matters here in the EWT!!! The crowd boos unmercifully as Paraslice walks up to the podium & goes for the Scammy Award. Carl Winslow’s family tries to hold the Big Guy back, but he breaks free & pushes Paraslice away from the podium & grabs the Scammy award.. Paraslice is taken back & starts talking to Carl inaudibly. Carl is more pissed than ever & starts to threaten Paraslice while his family continues to try to stop him. Paraslice gets closer & closer to Winslow. Winslow’s had enough & swings for Paraslice with the Scammy in hand. Paraslice ducks & hits him with the COLD CUTTER! (Variation of the Diamond Cutter) Carl hits the oak stage floor with a mighty thud. Members of Paraslice’s stable throw down the beaten Weird Al & go for Carl Winslow.
“Delicious” Dick Slater picks up Carl & holds his arms behind his back as Senor Splash does the honorary first first gut punch to begin the beatdown. In the meantime after seeing his family in tears Eddie Winslow tries to be a hero & stop the madness so for his troubles Paraslice sprays him in the face with PAM cooking spray & too hits him with the Cold Cutter.
The rest of the family is in shook as the dominant males are down & Little Richie & 3-J are a bunch of woosie high schoolers so they’re defenseless. As the coup de gras members of Paraslice’s team throw Carl Winslow’s battered & beaten body into the orchestra pit. Almost as a point of coincidence Carl Winslow falls into the Tuba Player’s tuba & his entire upper body is caught inside. He is kicking his legs wildly as the player drops the tuba with him in it.
Seeing the destruction before him & knowing that it’s his time to break Weird Al starts to get up & out, but Senor Splash catches him out of the corner of his mask & chucks his mop like a spear at Weird Al which connects full on with the back of his head. Weird Al tumbles over as Senor Splash drags him back into full view. He lifts him by his curly locks & puts his mop stick against Weird Al’s throat choking him. Paraslice & the others gather round Weird Al while the Winslows try to help get Eddie get up & Carl out of a tuba. Paraslice has the mic & begins to speak. Paraslice: So....Al......How does it feel to lose your Best Celebrity award to a much grander Celebrity? And to think.....My brother Tim was actually voted for Best Celebrity & somehow he ends up in the WORST CELEBRITY CATEGORY! You know Al.....We just can’t have that. Now can we? How would you like it if you put your blood, sweat, & tears into your craft & were nominated to be the best, but some goof mixes it up so that you’re represented as THE WORST! I don’t think you would like that happening, right?! NO YOU WOULDN’T!!! *Senor Splash pulls more on the mop stick making Al’s eye’s bulge making him grab for the stick to somehow get out of it.* Haha Weird Al, huh? Didn’t you write that song “The Rye or the Kaiser”? How appropriate you speak of Deli related materails because...I’m about to offer you A FISTFUL OF KNISH!!! Paraslice reaches into his pockets & pulls out a knish & wallops Weird Al in the face with it. Weird Al is knocked totally cold as Paraslice picks up the knish which appears to be loaded with a damn monkey wrench in it! They let go of Weird Al as Paraslice & crew walk up to the podium. Paraslice is center field as he adjusts the microphone.Paraslice: AHEM! Now if I wasn’t so rudely interrupted. *Paraslice pulls out his acceptence speech out of his pocket* I would like to receive the Best Celebrity trophy on behalf of my brother TIM “THE TOOL MAN’ TERROR!!!! *the crowd boos* The man who lived & unfortunately DIED for this business, but what did YOU THE FANS GIVE HIM?! A pink slip & a razor. That’s what you gave him! Well guess what....Next Tuesday out on DVD will be the newest EWT release ”THE SELF DESTRUCTION OF TIM “THE TOOL MAN” TERROR!!! And I must say it is about time my brother got the recognition he proudly deserves. And it is about time that I, MARTY TAYLOR NOW KNOWN AS PARASLICE which means Paradise by the Slice, baby haha, has been reinstated into the EWT along with my brethren THE PSYCHADELI!!!! *the crowd boos as each member gives a taunt to entice the audience to jeer* With that being said in the coming weeks will be the first episode of our talk show appropriately entitled THE PSYCHADELI! So with that being said with our spot back in the EWT, my brother finally given his appropriate award & his own DVD, there is one more thing in our site’s & that is the REVENGE!!! And that revenge starts with YOU Paul Podanski. Ever since we were kicked out of the EWT I’ve been keeping my eye on your career very closely. It’s obvious I haven’t forgotten your match with my brother at Crap-A-Mania II & the blood you shed in that ring will turn into rivers once we are through with you. And once we have exposed your carcass to the public we will go on to reclaim that which rightfully belongs to the Taylor Family & that is....THE TOOLSHED CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Your time is coming Paul Podanski & you will learn a thing or two about Peace.....Love....& PASTRAMY!!! The Psychadeli begins to exit while Senor Splash stays behind & begins to speak.Senor Splash: Odelay! Dis is Senor Splash here to say to dose who...realmente deseó ver Urkel win dees awar. In honor I’d like to say that thee Urkel will live on forever in all of our...........................................FARTS!!! Splash grabs the microphone attached to the podium & rips out a gastly rendition of the anal version of “Taps.” It seems to go well, except in the audiences' opinion, until the dark blue of his janitor uniform turns a midnight blue as it is quite obvious he just crapped his drawers. He is quickly grabbed by his fellow Psychadeli members as he grabs for a can of Montezooma's Revenge brand cerveza in one of his janitor jacket pockets.
End scene.
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