Post by Silent Brad on Oct 27, 2008 19:56:50 GMT -5
Dear Smith, I wrote you but you still ain’t callin’
I left my cell, my pager, and my recipe for home cooking at the bottom
I sent two posts back in autumn, Mewes must’ve got to ‘em
He probably thought that I was a chick and jumped right on ‘em
Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference when I blog ‘em
But anyways, f*** it, what’s been up moves, how’s your daughter?
My dog is pregnant too, I’m about to be a father
If I have daughter, guess what I’ma call her
I’ma name her Harley
I read about that shit with Mewes too I’m sorry
I had a friend get too deep in that shit too but couldn’t help him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I’m your biggest fan
I even got that messed up clown movie you did with O’ Halloran
I like that stint you did on Degrassi too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan
Dear Smith, you still ain’t called or wrote I hope you have a chance
I ain’t mad – I just think it’s f***ED UP you don’t answer fans
I know that you’re busy with that Zack and Miri shit
But maybe you could spare some time for me, man, just a little bit?
It would mean so much to me if you’d just take time to get in touch with me
It was a while back but you must remember that Q&A back in September?
A group of us invited you for drinks at this place called Embers
We waited in line for four hours to see you and you just said no
It could’ve been real, man, a f***ing MOMENT in your life
But instead you’d rather just go home and have sex with your wife
I feel that I’m so close to you like we’re almost the same, man I know we’d get along
Sometimes I feel like doing something impulsive, reckless, lose myself in your…wait that’s another song
I can relate to everything you’re trying to say in your flicks
So when I have a shitty day I’ll put ‘em on and watch ‘em for a bit
I’ve got nothing else in my life so it really helps me when I’m depressed
I’ve even got your name tattooed across my chest, wait a minute, I just noticed
They forgot the H! They f***ed with the wrong man and soon they’re gonna know this
The poster’s on other forums are jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But they don’t know you like I know you, Smith, no one does
They don’t know what it was like for heavy kids like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I’ll be the biggest fan you’ll ever lose
Sincerely your, Stan –P.S.
We should be together too.
Dear Mister-I’m-Too-Good-To-Call-Write-My-Fans
This will be that last post that I EVER send your ass
It’s been six months and still no word – I don’t deserve it?
I paid my two bucks to post. I acted perfect!
So this is a SModcast I’m sending you, I hope you hear it.
I’m on my moped right now, I’m doing 25 near the parkway
Hey Smith, I drank an entire bottle of NyQuil, you dare me to drive?
You know that song by Phil Collin when he was still with Genesis “I can’t dance”
About that guy standing in the sun surrounded by gators and he can’t dance or sing?
Well that song made absolutely no f***ing sense but we all liked it anyway
That’s kinda how this is, nothing you’ve done makes any sense to me but I still like you
Now it’s too late – I’ve had a 1000 Skittles now, I’m queasy.
Man, all I wanted to know was how you did your hair!
I needed something to hold on to, to know you care.
I love you Smith, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Smith….WOOF
Shut up, Brandy, you know I’m busy
Hey Smith, that’s my dog. I tied her up but I guess she got loose because she missed me.
Well I gotta go now, I’m almost near the creek now
Oh shit, there’s no WiFi, how am I suppose to send this shit out?
SPLOOSH
