Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
Yeah...which leads me to this:
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit the Frog's fingers.
As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards with
beautiful, tanned people and the words: Visit the Garden of Hedon.
His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the
entrance to the place a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.
"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.
"It's quite simple," said the receptionist. "This is a nudist camp.
We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."
"Cool," said the guy. "Count me in!"
So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off.
As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays."
A little further along he saw another sign which read the same
thing: "Beware of Gays."
He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground. He bent over to read the plaque and
it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"
THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED WOMAN
1. Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
2. How many storage boxes can you fit in there?!?
3. You must be very experienced.
4. Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?
5. Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.
6. I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.
7. Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt.
8. Would you mind rolling around in this flour.
9. I heard carpenters dream about you.
10. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
11. Look.. I can get my whole arm in.
12. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
13. Is that an optical illusion?
14. If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.
15. Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
16. Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?
17. Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish?
18. I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
19. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
20. I've been wondering all night what that smell was.
21. Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.
22. You know they have surgery to fix that.
23. Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
24. Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away
25. Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
26. I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.
27. You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.
28. You're not 'that' fat.
29. I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.
30. Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does.